781: How to Tackle Overwhelming Stress and Develop Mental Fitness with Jody Michael

Pete Mockaitis
Jody, welcome to How to be Awesome at Your Job.

Jody Michael
Thank you. It’s great to be here, Pete.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m excited to chat with you about your book Leading Lightly: Lower Your Stress, Think with Clarity, and Lead with Ease. But, first, I was so curious, is it, in fact, true that you have done, over your lifetime, 40,000 coaching sessions?

Jody Michael
No, that’s not accurate.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, okay.

Jody Michael
It’s over 40,000. I stopped counting a bit back.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, over. Yes, okay.

Jody Michael
Yeah, I’ve been doing this a long time, Pete.

Pete Mockaitis
Wow! Well, so I’ve got know, what are some insights about the human condition that just come from that? Are there some patterns you’ve picked up on that you think you have been able to notice, having had this unique experience, that most of us are maybe unaware of?

Jody Michael
Yeah, so I think that when I’m talking to people, because it’s a very select audience, there’s generally three challenges that come up over and over again. And the first category is probably leveling up their leadership to be more effective. People come with that concern all the time – being a better leader, a better operator, a better communicator, embodying a more powerful executive presence.

And then the second area are concerns around emotional intelligence, the need to just be able to read the room, learn how to manage their emotions, effectively deal with people issues, all those internal politics that go on, the different personalities, the bosses. And then, since COVID, what’s coming up more and more is just managing the burnout, the stress, the Sunday night anxiety, both within themselves and really, “How do I help my team?” That’s what comes up.

And what is surprising to me is the person in the room. It doesn’t matter if they’re the CEO, it doesn’t matter if they’re a beginning manager, honestly, they bring a lot of the same based concerns. You would think that that would not be true but it is true. So, you get the stress and anxiety and imposter syndrome from C-suite executives as well as a manager. That surprised me early on.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, thank you. Okay, that is surprising and good to note, and you’ve got the credibility and clout there, having done so many reps here. So, thank you. And I guess that’s, in a way, encouraging in terms of, “Hey, even superstars that have super senior positions are experiencing some of the same things I’m having. And, thusly, it doesn’t mean I’m weird or freakish or broken in any way. This is just part of the human condition.”

Jody Michael
It is the human condition. That’s exactly right.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, thank you for that. Well, now let’s hear about the book, Leading Lightly. What’s the big idea or main thesis or message here?

Jody Michael
Well, it doesn’t have to be this hard. That’s the big message. When you look at how people are coping today, one out of five Americans are on psychotropic drugs, one out of 20 can’t go to sleep at night without a prescription sleeping pill, and a study that I read just a couple months ago from the World Health Organization shows that the prevalence of anxiety and depression has gone up 25% worldwide, 25% worldwide since COVID.

So, I think it’s fair to say we’re not faring well. We’re not mentally fit or not very mentally fit. And I think this is hard for people to imagine but I want to take you there right. I just want you to imagine that you can go through your day and nothing really upsets you, nothing triggers you, nothing stresses you. Imagine this, yes, Pete, it’s possible. And it’s not because you’re having some super rare problem-free day; it’s that you’re having the same challenges that were there the day before.

What’s changed is you. You’re different. You’re not reactive. You’re not defensive. You’re not emotionally triggered. You’re Teflon. Nothing sticks. That’s leading lightly. And so, my book is a wakeup call. Your wakeup call to help you see how you’re unwittingly sabotaging yourself, your energy, your performance, how you’re making your days harder and more painful and more exhausting than they need to be.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, that is compelling and exciting as an opportunity and a possibility that this really could be so in our lives. So, then maybe could you share a story so that we can see this in action in terms of a professional who was stressed, exhausted, burned out, overwhelmed and then what they did to turn things around and to lead lightly and be stress-free and untriggered?

Jody Michael
I’d love to. I am going to choose a woman that worked at a Fortune 500 company, we’ll call her Susan, mid to late 30s, ambitious, great at executing, great at delivering projects, perceived as a high potential in the organization. Here’s the problem; she only cared about results. She was intimidating, a driver, just led from stress. She was demanding, dismissive, defensive, and, honestly, no one liked working with her, or for her. Anywhere around this woman was kind of a problem.

So, she was on a six-month performance improvement plan, that’s when we started working together, and so we didn’t have a lot of time to make some pretty big changes in her leadership and how she was experiencing her days, but she worked hard, she took it seriously. She used our MindMastery For Mental Fitness app. And in a few weeks, people started to see her change.

She was lighter, visibly softer. Her meetings became interactive, inspiring instead of how she had been merely directive, which was her style, and people were surprised that she was showing up caring, empathic. She had slowed down. That’s what others saw on the outside. And here’s the message that I want to deliver, here’s what actually happened on the inside – she shifted her perspective.

So, she no longer thought she knew everything. She no longer thought others had a negative intent. She no longer thought she always had to watch her back, so she became more calm, more self-aware, more mindful. And over the next six months, she radically changed how she held her emotions, how she handled her emotions.

So, even if she was upset on the inside, she didn’t show it. She didn’t let that impact how she interacted with others and she became far less stressed. She wasn’t staying up as late at night. She wasn’t moving as fast. She wasn’t talking as fast. She was just more effective. And by the end of our engagement, she wasn’t reactive. She was no longer attacking. She wasn’t defensive. And if she got triggered, she was able to shift out of this triggered state within 60 to 90 seconds without others even being aware of it.

Now, let me finish this story here by telling you, as you can imagine, everyone was worried that she would revert as soon as the coaching engagement was over. I’m right there holding her hand, and that’s what people’s biggest concerns were, her coworkers, but it never happened. Two years later, she broke that glass ceiling at her company, made it to the C-suite, and it was just a far cry from the performance improvement plan that she had on when we first met. So, that’s an example of somebody feeling better internally and all of the people around them getting to experience it as well.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s cool, Jody. Well, that sounds like almost a business-fable type book. We’ve got the drama, “Oh, it’s the end of the line of performance improvement plan. You might be on the way out,” and then, turn around and happy ending. That’s beautiful. Cool. So, you mentioned she worked hard. Let’s zoom in. What does that work look like? If we want to be resilient, mentally fit, stress-free, leading lightly, what are the actions we take to get there?

Jody Michael
Yeah. Well, let me walk you through it. And I think that it’s easiest if I give you an example that everyone can relate to.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Jody Michael
So, here’s what that would look like, and there’s probably not a listener that would not relate to this. You get an email and you know it’s that email, the one that triggers you, and it makes you so angry that you immediately…you sit down, you’re furiously typing your response, and you hit Send, not just Send, you hit Reply All, and it feels so good.

You feel good. You’re sitting there in the moment feeling good, and then two minutes later, you panic. You probably let out a few expletives. And in that moment, you’re wishing you could take back that email. When you’re triggered, when you’re not thinking clearly, you don’t make good decisions. You become reactive, defensive, whatever.

So, my process helps you learn how to manage those moods and those thoughts and those situations, and I have a step-by-step process I called MindMastery, and it’s going to build your mental fitness by disrupting your habitual patterns, and then, over time, it will actually rewire your brain. And so, for people to remember this process, I created a mnemonic.

The first part is ABC, the second part is SEE. So, A stands for assess. The first thing you want to do if you’re starting to rebuild your brain is to assess the moods and the thoughts that you have when you get triggered, and this is super critical. You have to start hearing what you say to yourself. And before I even more on to letter B, I want to make sure that you get one really important concept. The words of the email did not cause you to become furious. It wasn’t the words. What caused you to become furious were the thoughts you had when you read the email.

So, in that example, maybe someone’s sitting there saying, “He’s lying. I didn’t say that,” and that created the thought, or the mood, I should say, of furious. Another person who receives that exact same email directed at them may have the thought, “What? Was I unclear? Did he misunderstand what I said to him the other day?” and they would’ve created a very different mood, a mood of confusion with the exact same words on that email. That’s a critical distinction that, for many people, it really takes a while to embody. So, that’s the first you’re doing, is just assessing, “What did I just say to myself that created this upset?”

B stands for breathe. Breathing deeply, as soon as you start to assess, “What did I just say to myself?” deep diaphragmic breathing, holding it for six seconds, releasing, and then repeating it as you needed until you calm yourself. You’re doing that. And C is you’re choosing. You’re choosing to be accountable for your moods, for your thoughts, for your behavior, for whatever results happen as a result, and you look in the mirror, you ask yourself, “How did I contribute to this situation?” You’re not blaming. You’re not focusing on the other party.

And once you get stabilized with this ABC, the second part of the mnemonic, SEE, this is going to boost your resilience and your emotional intelligence because it’s really getting to the heart of who you are and who you can be. So, the first letter is S, and it stands for spot. You want to spot your current lens, your current perspective that’s driven by your underlying core beliefs. That’s what’s causing your distrust.

E stands for explore. You want to explore other lenses, other perspectives, by being curious, by being empathic, flexible, open. And the final E stands for elect. You want to elect a lens, choose a perspective that is going to allow you to perform at your best in this given situation. And if you engage in this process, my God, I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, refining it, refining it, we’ve got it under 10 minutes a day. If you’re doing it correctly, if you’re doing it eight or more times a day over a long enough period of time, you’re going to feel the difference, you’re going to start to respond differently, and others are going to notice it as well.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so then, that eight times a day, that is in response to a stressor.

Jody Michael
That is in response to that app coming at you intermittently, randomly, when you’re not ready and you’re just responding to that app, and responding to ABC, assessing, “Where am I? What is the mood I’m in right now? What are the thoughts I’m having right now?” etc. And it’s going to build your emotional intelligence. It’s going to help you calm down, etc. Now, can you proactively go in when you get triggered? Absolutely. That’s going to help this process go faster, your brain is going to learn it exponentially quicker, and you’re going to get results.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Now, refresh us the name of the app is what and how do we get it?

Jody Michael
It is MindMastery for Mental Fitness.

Pete Mockaitis
MindMastery for Mental Fitness.

Jody Michael
And it’s on Google Apps, it’s on Apple, and we were one of the first transformational, if not the first transformational app out there. It’s been out there for 10 years. So, I’ve been doing research on this. I’ve been using this process for over 20 years, and it is a vast majority, a good proportion of those 40,000 one-on-one sessions I’ve done.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And so then, with 10 years and research and experience, what sort of…is there some quantified lift on a construct that psychologists would point to, like, “Hey, when you do this, we can expect X percent improvement in Y”?

Jody Michael
I don’t have the X percent improvement on Y. There’s a lot of reasons that will bore your listeners for me to go through, but what we can look at and measure, the second piece of the app is going to measure how quickly you can get yourself out of a triggered state, and if you can sustain it. And that’s what we’re looking for. That’s what I really care about. It’s like, “Look, when you get triggered, can you pause and can we get your amygdala, your fight-or-flight response down so you’re not going to make a leadership mistake, you’re not going to say something you don’t want to say, or take an action or make a decision that’s not good in that moment?”

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s cool. And so, what are some of the kind of like the before-or-after times associated with that?

Jody Michael
Honestly, when you get good at doing…look, when you first start, it’s hard. People will come back and say, “Look, I was in this mood for three days.” And that same person three months later is like they’re in that mood for 10 minutes. You move that out six months later, they’re in that mood for 40 seconds. And at some point, your brain, because here’s what’s really going on in your brain. You’re just following habitual neuropathways. So, when you’re reactive, your brain just wants to take the shortcut. It’s just doing it. You’re not even thinking about it.

But when you stop your brain from reacting, and you say, “No, no, I don’t want to go down that path, that well-worn path. I’m going to create a new path,” over time, that new path that you repeat is going to be a well-grooved path and, at some point, your brain is going to shift over and go down the new pathway. And that’s how change, deep systemic change happens. And that’s what’s exciting because mental fitness, unlike physical fitness, if you do it long enough, it just stays with you. It’s just your new 2.0 version of you.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so let’s maybe walk through an example. Let’s say the app zings me or buzzes me, and I am feeling stressed because my two precious children, three and four years old, are being kind of squabble-y, they’re like just not playing well together, just sort of saying, “Give me this, give me this. Waah, I know this is mine. Waah,” crying and being loud, and I find that stressful. I’m just like, “Aargh, just knock it off.” And so, one of my life goals is to never scream, shut up my children, and, thus far, four and a half years in, I am batting a thousand.

Jody Michael
Are you failing at this?

Pete Mockaitis
No, I’ve managed to, not externally, articulate that. But, internally, I’m just like, “Aargh! Knock it off!” It really does feel visceral in terms of these are loud noises and unpleasant emotions being kind of broadcast toward me, and it’s sort of like I have some responsibility here as they’re my children, and it’s sort of like, “I should probably do something.” What I should do is not completely clear but I’ve got some ideas, but mostly I guess, you could say I’m stressed, I’m triggered, I don’t care for this. And so, here we are. Let’s walk through it.

Jody Michael
Let me help you.

Pete Mockaitis
Let’s do it.

Jody Michael
Let me help you, yes. First of all, you said something very important that I want to, if I was working with you, I would make this correction. You said you were stressed because your kids were acting out, or whatever you were saying. You’re not stressed because your kids are acting out. You’re stressed because of what you’re saying to yourself while your kids are acting out.

Because I’m sure, Pete, there are times when the kids are acting out, and you’re just thinking, “Oh, they’re adorable.” You’re maybe more rested, maybe there’s something happening in your space that the kids aren’t annoying you in that moment in the same way they did the day before. Is that true?

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, happens. Yeah.

Jody Michael
Okay. So, that’s the critical point that I would coach you on. It’s like, “What are you saying in that moment when the kids are acting up?” That’s what’s creating the stress. But an even faster way to get out, because you don’t want to deal with this, you just don’t want to feel that way, is a trigger hack. And it’s something really simple, and it is underused, this skill. And it’s breathing.

Remember when I talked about, just a moment ago, that deep diaphragmic breathing, most people don’t do this right. But this is the fastest way to get out of a triggered state, is to…I’ll show you how to do it right now. Let’s just do it together. Put your hands on your lower abdomen, below your bellybutton. Take it in as much breath as you can, breathe in. Make sure your belly goes out. This is where people don’t do it right. Hold it, one, one thousand, two, one thousand, all the way to the count of six, one thousand, and then release.

So, while your kids are acting out, you’re going to do that, and you’re going to do that repeatedly, probably will only take you three or four times to do that. And guess what? At six seconds, you have 20 seconds or 30 seconds, you will feel amazingly different physiologically when you do that. That is the fastest way to calm yourself down.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And I want to dig into that a little bit. So, there’s the hold for six seconds. Does the pace at which I inhale matter, it can be fast or slow?

Jody Michael
It doesn’t matter. As long as your belly is really, really…you can’t put anymore oxygen in, that’s super important.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s funny, that actually feels a little stressful when I’m just like, “Ahh, I might burst. This is so much air all up in me.”

Jody Michael
That’s funny.

Pete Mockaitis
Is that okay or do I want a little bit lesser than that?

Jody Michael
It’s okay. It’s okay. No, it’s actually great. You know what’s actually happening when you do that? Let me explain what’s happening and why that’s so effective. When you get…let’s call it “stressed by your kids,” your whole body tenses up and you go into what is called a catabolic state. You go into some negative state where you’re dumping chemicals, not good chemicals, into your body. And what happens is your amygdala gets triggered. You go into fight or flight even in a small situation like that, and you’re not optimally thinking straight because that’s overtaking your brain.

And while that’s happening, your focus gets narrow and all you can hear is your kids, so you start to focus just on your kids, everything else goes away. When you breathe like that, it disengages the amygdala. Now, it might not do that in the first six seconds, but maybe in the second six seconds. And what happens then is it re-engages the front of your brain called your prefrontal cortex. And why that’s important is that’s your executive functioning part of your brain.

And so, you are immediately stopping the coursing of the negative hormones in your body, your body is basically going, “Oh, there is no stress.” There is no stress because, physiologically, you couldn’t do that. You could not breathe deeply like that if there was a tiger in the room that was about to kill you. So, it confuses your brain, and says, “Oh, there is nothing stressful here. Relax. There isn’t something stressful.” And that’s why, so quickly, your body can come into homeostasis, and much quicker than thinking through it.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And then, likewise, with the exhale, is that any pace is fine?

Jody Michael
Any pace is fine.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And the six seconds, would seven be even better?

Jody Michael
Six seconds is based on research. So, this is the quickest you can get out of a triggered state physiologically is when you breathe that way under stress and you hold it. That’s what the research shows. So, I think that’s where that comes from, the six seconds.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Jody Michael
It’s not going to get hurt you to hold it at seven. It’s just hard to hold it for seven.

Pete Mockaitis
And I guess it will elongate it by a whole four seconds if I’m doing this four times.

Jody Michael
Yes.

Pete Mockaitis
I can’t spare that time. Okay. So, there’s the breathe. And then the choosing?

Jody Michael
Yes. And then you’re choosing to be accountable. Your kids didn’t do this to you, Pete. You created the stress. The kids are just playing. They’re just acting out. They’re just being kids.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Jody Michael
So, you have to then, at just that juncture, when you choose accountability, you have the opportunity then to be in control of your emotional state rather than looking at the kids are the issue. Now, you can still go over there and say, “Hey, guys, calm down. Let’s stop. Time out,” but it’ll be in a different emotional state than it would be if you didn’t do this, of course.

But really, what it is, is that self-awareness…well, see here, this is a good, probably a quote, is that you don’t get stressed; you create stress. You don’t get overwhelmed; you create overwhelm. And most of us are blind to this that’s why it’s so hard for us to process this. It’s just nonsensical because we don’t understand how we’re doing it.

But once you understand how you’re doing it, you get in control. You get in control of lowering your stress levels to amazing levels, and you think it’s not even possible, especially someone who’s very reactive, they’re thinking, “I can’t do this.” But when you are re-training your brain, you can do this, and it makes you really feel in control.

Pete Mockaitis
And that’s intriguing. When you talked about overwhelmed, I’m thinking that overwhelmed, on the emotional level, I can say it feels a certain way, like physiologically, so there’s that. And then there’s also overwhelmed in terms of just like a sheer resource issue, like, “This thing is important to me and the time available to complete it is short, and my resources are scanty, and, thusly, I feel…” I don’t know if you want to challenge my thusly, “And I feel stressed, worried, overwhelmed about this situation here.”

So, I guess you’re drawing the distinction that being resource-constrained and working on something important that is potentially at risk of not being completed on time or at sufficient quality is distinct from an emotional sense of overwhelm.

Jody Michael
It is distinct from but I want to tell you that you could have the same volume of work, you could have the same limited resources, you could have a boss that is very difficult, and you can come to me, and I’ve had this situation happen, I can think of this vividly. I had a woman come to my office, and say, basically begged me to give her permission to quit her job, like I was mom or something.

And I said to her, “No, you have to take my full day MindMastery workshop first, and then let’s work it, then I will address this question in two months, three months, and we’ll see if you feel that way.” Now, of course, she could leave her job. Of course.

Pete Mockaitis
Right. You don’t own her.

Jody Michael
But she asked me, and I said, “Don’t think you’ll actually want to leave your job.” And I will tell you that within a couple of months, I said, “Okay, you know you’re going to go back to school in six months, you have enough resources. If you want to quit your job, you could certainly quit your job.” And she said, “Why would I quit my job? It doesn’t stress me anymore.” That’s the difference. Because what’s creating the overwhelm isn’t the amount of work you’re getting. It’s what you’re saying to yourself. Look, every single day, you spend somewhere between…you have somewhere between 6,000 and 50,000 thoughts a day.

And the National Science Foundation tells you, does research, and says, “You know, those 6,000, 50,000 thoughts that you have every day, 80% of them are negative, 80% of the thoughts that you’re thinking are negative,” meaning you’re spending most of your day stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, burnt out, and I think most people can relate to that, especially over the last couple of years, but what is actually creating the overwhelm is you, sitting there, saying, “Oh, my God, don’t give me one more thing. Are you kidding? You’re giving another piece. I have another deadline. I can’t make this. I don’t have time. God, I don’t have time. I don’t have time.”

That research also showed that 80% of the thoughts you’re going to think today are the exact same thoughts that you thought yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. So, we are running this script that we don’t even hear in our subconscious. And if you walk around all day and say, “I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m tired,” you’re not hearing yourself say that, “I’m overwhelmed. There’s too much to do, etc.” You start to have a mantra, and that creates overwhelm or stress.

Otherwise, if that wasn’t true, Pete, everyone at a certain workload would get to the place where they’re overwhelmed. Everyone. And that’s not true. Some people have a far higher capacity than someone else, and some people just feel like they’re Teflon, they just don’t get overwhelmed. They just power through or they’re really having very different conversations about the work that they’re doing.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. That’s cool and exciting and compelling. Intriguing, six to 50,000 thoughts is quite a range. Some people thinking eight times as many thoughts as others.

Jody Michael
Yeah, there’s so much controversy around that. There’s different research out there, so I don’t know what the true number is but it ranges from all this.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, it’s not so much that some people are thinking eight times as many thoughts as others, although maybe they are.

Jody Michael
Yeah, that’s pretty funny.

Pete Mockaitis
Versus how are counting a thought. Okay. And then I’m thinking about 1,440 minutes in a day, maybe a 1,000 conscious minutes in a day not asleep. I buy it, six to 50 thoughts per minute. That sounds about right. Okay. So, we got the ABCs. And how about the SEE now?

Jody Michael
The SEE is spot your current lens. What’s the perspective that’s driving this core belief? And the belief is your kids. The core belief that you’re having there is annoyance, your kids are making you crazy, your kids are stressing you out. So, you’re looking at that lens and saying, “Okay, is that perspective helpful for me to get in control, to be my best self in that moment?” Let’s just call it, “To be the best parent I can be, is that the best perspective I could have in that moment?” Chances are it’s not.

And then the second E, explore, is, “How else can I look at this?” Well, you might look at this empathically from your kids’ point of view. They’ve been cooped up all day and they’re just trying to expend energy. So, you look at the kids, and, “Oh, they’re just kids. Kids will be kids,” let’s just say. You’re looking for a lens where you could be empathic, where you could be curious, where you could be more flexible to the situation rather than the narrow lens of, “These kids are making me crazy right now. I’m stressed.”

And then the final E stands for elect. Now, choose the right lens for you. Whatever that is in that moment, what perspective is going to allow you to perform at your best as a parent in this given situation? And what that might be for you, Pete, in that moment? How else can you look at that?

Pete Mockaitis
I suppose what I would say to myself would be kind of an exploratory question-problem-solving thing, like, “What needs are not being met for these children such that they are in such a mood? Are they tired? Are they hungry? And how can I help meet that need?”

Jody Michael
Yeah, that’s great. HALT, right, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, right?

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Okay, thank you.

Jody Michael
That’s a great parenting skill, HALT, yes.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so then thank you for that. That’s cool. Let’s do another rapid-fire example of someone. They’re at work, they’ve got some things in their to-do list, and they’ve been procrastinating. There’s a couple items that, ugh, I’ve got to watch what I say around, you know, Jody. I want to say it makes them stressed, just like, there are a few items on the to-do list.

When they look at them, they go, “Ugh, that does not feel pleasant. I don’t want to do that,” and they feel a sensation of reduced motivation, energy, sudden burning desire to check the news or social media or email instead of facing down that thing. Can you walk us through in rapid fire the ABC, SEE, and how things might go down here?

Jody Michael
Yeah, I could. Let me do you one better though. Let me shock people by saying procrastination is a conversation.

Pete Mockaitis
Shocking. Shock us.

Jody Michael
And so, what I mean by that is we tend to think about the lack of action as the foundation of the problem. But what’s really driving the habit of procrastination is, again, the conversation that you’re having with yourself right before the action of procrastination. You’re saying something like, “Ugh, I’ll do this later,” or, “Ugh, I don’t have time right now,” or, “I’m too tired,” or, “I don’t feel like it.”

And if you listen to yourself, I guarantee you, if you listen, you’re going to hear that you’re having the same conversation with yourself over and over and over again. If you catch that conversation right in that moment, and change the conversation, that’s what’s going to actually conquer the habit of procrastination. So, that’s why I wanted to go just one deeper.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Thank you.

Jody Michael
So, what would you do A for assess? You would say, “Okay, what am I feeling like right now? I’m feeling like I don’t want to do this. I don’t feel like it.” That’s kind of like avoidance. Maybe that would be the mood state. “And what’s my thought? My thought would be I don’t want to do this, or not now.” Something to that effect.

And then, while you’re doing that, you’re breathing because you are triggered in that avoidance, or checked out, and you say, “Okay, I’m going to be accountable not just for my moods but for my thoughts and behaviors.” So, right there, you’re choosing, “I can bigger than this moment of procrastination.” So, now you’re going to look, you’re going to, S, spot your current lens or perspective, and what’s driving this.

What’s driving this belief is probably you don’t want to do the thing that’s in front of you, so there’s some belief about it’s hard, or, “I have anxiety about it,” the thing that’s in front of you. So, there’s some belief about, “It’s hard,” or, “I have anxiety about it.” That’s why people generally avoid.

Pete Mockaitis
“I might screw it up.”

Jody Michael
Yeah, “I might screw it up,” there’s something like that. And then you explore another lens, the E for explore, and then you ask yourself, “Is that really true? Is it really true I’m going to screw this up? No, I have no historical evidence that I’m going to screw this up.” Okay, then final E, elect, how else can you look at this? “Every time I work with numbers, let’s say, I get anxious. That’s what this is about.”

So, let’s shift that lens and create maybe a competition, “Let’s see how fast I can get this done.” That would shift your whole, “Let’s make this a game. Let’s see how fast I can get this done. Let’s tackle this because as soon as I get this done, I can go and do something more enjoyable.”

Pete Mockaitis
That is good. And then what comes to mind is, “Oh, well, if I don’t want to do it, then by conquering this thing, I will feel all the more victorious and unstoppable in my pursuits.”

Jody Michael
Yeah, that is a favorite habit of mine, to be honest with you. At the beginning of my day, I do the thing I want to do least first because if you don’t want to do something, you avoid it, you dread it. It’s going to be an energy drain that’s just going to hover over you subconsciously all day long. It’s like this invisible weight that I’m carrying. On the other hand, if I get it done first, I’m immediately rewarded with a burst of energy, which is a great way to start the day. So, that is a habit that I started many years ago and I love.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. I think Brian Tracy has got a book Eat That Frog about this very notion.

Jody Michael
Yes. Yes.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Well, Jody, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we hear about a few of your favorite things?

Jody Michael
Yeah, you can’t change what you don’t see, and you think you see more than you do. There’s a research study out by Tasha Eurich presented in her book.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, we had her on the show.

Jody Michael
Presented in her book Insight. And 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only 10-15% are. And in my experience as an executive coach is that it’s absolutely dead-on. Even people that have high emotional intelligence are not as self-aware as they think they are, and it’s fascinating to see that. That surprised me.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Well, thank you. Now, could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Jody Michael
Oh, yeah, I love this quote, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw. And I love it because it’s empowering, it’s hopeful, it’s proactive. It’s the opposite of victim mentality and it’s poignant. It has rich applicability to my life and to the work that I do with others, so I love that quote.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite book?

Jody Michael
Self-Deception and Leadership by The Arbinger Institute. You’re familiar with it, yes? That’s great.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s a good one. I listened to the audiobook and so I always hear it, “You’re in the box.”

Jody Michael
Yes. Yes, get out of the box.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite tool?

Jody Michael
Oh, I love Muse. I think it’s the best meditation tool out there to learn to meditate. It’s a headband.

Pete Mockaitis
Are we talking about the brain-sensing headband?

Jody Michael
Yeah, love it.

Pete Mockaitis
I’ve got two of them.

Jody Michael
Oh, yeah, that’s great.

Pete Mockaitis
It is fun. It’s fun.

Jody Michael
No, I really think it helps people learn to meditate exponentially faster. I really believe that.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, yeah, the audio feedback is great. I prefer the campfire sound myself. And I also like the number-y aspect because meditation is kind of like a noncompetitive thing, and, nonetheless, I like to know, “Am I getting better here?” And I could see the birds and how I’ve got more. And there’s a great article, we’ll link to it in the show notes, about someone hosted a March mindfulness meditation competition.

Jody Michael
Oh, my God, that’s hysterical.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Jody Michael
My website JodyMichael.com. That’s Jody with a Y, not an I, and Michael just like the first name, no S at the end.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Jody Michael
Watch your words. Create awareness around the words you use. Words are powerful. Your words are creating your moods, your feelings. Those moods and feelings are driving your behavior. And your behavior creates the results that you end up getting or you don’t get. That’s the power of words. And, again, I’m not just talking about the words you use when you’re speaking to others. I’m particularly talking about the words that you say to yourself. Your thoughts.

If you can uncover your thoughts, hear your thoughts, understand how your thoughts are self-sabotaging, and then choose to reframe those impending thoughts with more helpful thoughts, it will change the trajectory of your leadership and your life, just as it has done for many of my clients.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Jody, thank you. This has been a delight. I wish you and your book Leading Lightly all the luck.

Jody Michael
Thank you, Pete.