051: Minimizing Corporate Drama and Insanity with Amanda Mitchell

Pete Mockaitis
Amanda, thanks so much for joining us here on the “How To Be Awesome At Your Job” podcast.

Amanda Mitchell
My pleasure.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, you referred to New Jersey as “The Land of Enchantment”.  What’s the story there?

Amanda Mitchell
Everybody gives New Jersey such a hard time and I think it’s just a clever marketing ploy. Because New Jersey doesn’t want other people to know how fantastic it is. Because there’s everything here –  there’s mountains, there’s ocean, there’s lakes.  It’s just got everything you could possibly want, including high taxes.  But beyond that, it is fantastic.  So, as a transplant, I just love New Jersey.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it’s so funny because I think I actually watched most episodes of “The Jersey Shore”.

Amanda Mitchell
That isn’t New Jersey. Come on.

Pete Mockaitis
When I have a gig there, I’m doing some training or what not, it’s usually the one-way streets trip me up a little bit.  It seems like they are a little bit more rigid about, “You get to keep following this route for a while before we give you the opportunity to correct your mistake.”  It’s been my experience in New Jersey.

Amanda Mitchell
Not that you’re reading into anything. [laughter]

Pete Mockaitis
I should maybe just know how to navigate better.  Really what it boils down to.  So I was glad to hear.  It’s good to hear you like your land.

Amanda Mitchell
Yes, I do.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I love so much of what you have to share over OurCorporateLife.com and in our back and forth exchanges. And so I thought one point in which you and I really have some great kind of philosophical alignment is on this piece around unnecessary suffering that professionals experience and how it can really be prevented.  So why don’t you open us up by sharing a little bit of what do you mean when you say “unnecessary suffering”?  What kinds of situations and stories are you referencing when you kind of use that blanket term?  

Amanda Mitchell
Well, there are so many, it’s hard to just pick a few. I think anybody that’s been in the corporate work environment has been in situations where it looks like people are making stupid decisions, and you are having to deal with whatever those stupid decisions are. And usually, it means you’ve got to do extra work. And then it ties into that whole not using the resources that you have and you get into these whole finger-pointing and inefficiency and unfairness and you go down a rabbit hole of why are things so bad at work.  

And a lot of that is because of structural reasons, because most companies were set up when we were coming off the Industrial Revolution. So it was more of people were commodities, for want of a better word.  They weren’t treated as individuals because they were there to make a factory go. And a lot of our things that we still use in corporate are based on that. Like how we measure success is based on an efficiency and effectiveness – that’s a factory kind of measure, it’s not a knowledge worker kind of measure.  

So part of the suffering that you see is related to that kind of thing that shows up as stupid decisions. And the other part of that is that depending on what your orientation is in terms of where you are in the hierarchy, you may or may not know the context for a lot of the decisions, and that’s why they look stupid.  They look smart to somebody, but it’s not necessarily communicated. So there’s a lot of gnashing of teeth and unnecessary resistance and struggle against people in the workplace, when in fact, a lot of it is related to structure.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. That certainly absolutely shows up all the time, whether that seems like senseless meetings or anything within that realm. And one area in particular, that you’ve kind of drawn some nice diagrams around to explore is the “Corporate Insanity Cycle”. And so, can you tell us a little bit of what is that and how does that show up in practice?

Amanda Mitchell
Well, it shows up in meetings, actually – that’s a good place to start. I don’t know anybody who loves meetings and most people say they have too many. And in meetings generally what happens is you’re ending up with a lot more work based on, usually factors that are not fully understood by the people who are giving you the extra work.  

And rather than tell you that, there is a lot of backstory and hemming and hawing, so you are doing things because you are requested to, not because they make sense necessarily. Like, “They are always done that way” or, “This is what we need because we’ve always had this chart.” It’s not necessarily something that’s making sense in the current scheme of things. Now, I’m talking about… Most of my clients are Fortune 500, so they’re big companies that are established, so changing them is like turning a ship – it’s little bit over time, it’s not a nimble start-up kind of a situation where you don’t have to have these kinds of inefficiencies and what appear to be unfairness kinds of experiences.  

And you also have people set up to compete against each other by their bosses, because they don’t want to be threatened by each other. They’d rather have their subordinates fight it out among themselves than to threaten their job. And that’s part of a dysfunction of the person but also the environment that allows it to happen. So there’s a whole bunch of different things that can happen in an environment that really just roll up to stupid business. Because there’s no benefit to the business and there’s certainly no benefit to people.

Pete Mockaitis

Now, in your diagram of the “Corporate Insanity Cycle”, I kind of really like the way it kind of flowed into the way things react to previous things and then snowball a little bit. Could you maybe walk us through, “First A happens, then B occurs, which makes C all the worse.” Could you maybe walk us through a loop of that cycle?

Amanda Mitchell
Sure. So if we start with the seemingly stupid decisions – so we start there – that leads to inefficiency, because we are given extra work for no reason. And the reason that’s a problem is if you don’t know why you’re doing something, you can’t make the best decisions for whatever it is that you’re doing. So it’s very likely you’re going to be inefficient.  

And that leads to unfairness because you’re not using your resources wisely – your time, your people that you have reporting to you, or the money, the budget that you have. So you’re wasting things that you could use in other places if you only knew why you were doing what you were doing that rolls up to finger-pointing up to the person or people who have made these stupid decisions because it has created a cycle where it’s a lose-lose-lose.  

So completely the antithesis of what they tell you they want in work situations. No one’s doing this maliciously, but part of it’s just the work world hasn’t adapted to the way the real world is behaving. And you’ve got lots of generations in the workplace and people who are married to old ways of doing things with new business realities, and it’s problematic.

Pete Mockaitis
I hear you. Okay. So I’ve got a problem neatly defined there. It’s a stinker. So tell us, Amanda – you’re a professional in an organization, you don’t have all the power from on high to make blanket changes and decisions. What do you do to kind of inoculate yourself, stay happy, focused, productive, engaged? What are some key tips, tactics, strategies, take-aways, stuff to do?

Amanda Mitchell
I think the main thing you want to do is when you think about that cycle, that’s all about somebody else having the power – they’re making the decisions, they’re giving you the extra work, they’re not giving you the resources. What you want to do yourself is you want to pull that back inside of you and choose how you’re going to interpret what’s happening.  

That’s a very powerful tool to have – recognize that we make meaning, that’s what human beings do. We take random facts and we make up a story as a way to understand things and to remember things quite frankly. And it’s the whole idea of, all of a sudden your boss starts closing their door and a day later everybody thinks they’re being fired because it’s a change in behavior.

So all of a sudden the door’s closed, you’re not as available, “Oh my God, everybody’s getting fired.” That’s a disempowering story that we’ve made up, because that’s how we’re wired. That’s are saber tooth tiger coming after us, and we have to be ready for it.  

What we want to do is take that same scenario and make-up something neutral or positive. Why not make up a story that’s going to empower you versus disempower you, because you’re going to go through the same emotions and use all that same energy, whether it’s true or not. So why not create a story where you are the hero so that you can come from a place of confidence and power, regardless of what’s happening around you?

Pete Mockaitis
That’s fascinating.  So indeed, a door closes, and then you create a whole story associated with what that means and that in turn evokes all kinds of emotions. So can you give us an example? So what story might you create in which you’re the hero?

Amanda Mitchell
Well, you could make the story up, which is equally true, is that the reason that your boss is less available to you right now is because that they so trust you with everything, they don’t feel the need to check-in. You’re the hero, you can make up the idea that, or make up the story that your boss is unavailable to you because there are big things coming in terms of what they’re going to do with the department and he or she is trying to figure out how to let you know that you’ll be inheriting it and they’re going to be moving on.  

There’s all kinds of ways to make up stories that are equally true and powerful. And you touched on it just a second ago when you were talking about how when you’re just rephrasing what I talked about, it’s that ability to choose to respond and not to react because reactions are contagious. So if you hear somebody say, “Oh my God, we’re all getting fired”, it doesn’t take long for everybody to think that. But you want to make sure that it really is true before you act like that is the case and you go through and take steps potentially to act on it.

Pete Mockaitis
And I’m so fascinated by, as you say, we as humans make stories – it’s what we do – and I buy that. I think that it is uniquely human to create a story. I guess to what extent is it possible – I’d love you get your read on this – to just be like, “He closed the door because he didn’t feel like hearing some noise.” I guess that’s still a story, even if it’s very proximate and direct?

Amanda Mitchell
Right, that’s the neutral.  That’s a neutral interpretation. Everything isn’t relative to us, which is really the other point which is, don’t take things personally. A person’s behavior, in general, says more about them than it does about you.  So if they’re giving you unsolicited advice, that’s more about something about them than you, because if you’re not asking for it, what’s their purpose in telling you?  

So again, don’t react. Just don’t respond; think about what you’re hearing and why, and decide whether or not you want to respond or react to whatever this person is saying. That whole “Kill them with kindness” idea is a truism because it’s harder to be mean to somebody that you’re friendly with, so really it is a good practice in the workplace to make good relationships. And if you are not having good relationships, try to keep them neutral.

Pete Mockaitis
This is lovely. Alright, so some key takeaways are, you choose the interpretation. Go ahead, make up a story, make up a meaning that works for you – it’s positive or neutral. And secondly, don’t assume that something that shows up and happens is about you. It may well be or not be. And so what are some other key things that we should do at work to keep things happier and more productive?

Amanda Mitchell
So after you’ve chosen your mindset, so to speak, I think you want to identify and address what is draining your energy in your environment. There are a lot of things that we do that we just get in the habit; they’re coming from a good place but they really over time drain the energy that we had. And since it’s limited, we want to align our energy with the priorities that we have. So, you want to prioritize based on importance, not urgency, because that whole “Urgency is contagious” –  that’s somebody else’s agenda.  

That’s why I recommend to clients that when they come in in the morning, don’t open to email immediately – that’s someone else’s agenda. Open to your calendar –  that’s your agenda, literally. What is it that you’re trying to accomplish? So you want to keep your focus on what’s important to you in your job, so that you are able to achieve what you need to achieve.  

The other part of that is you want to focus on only doing your job as opposed to everybody else’s job, and this is the thing that I see a lot, especially from people who are doing the right thing – they want to help, they want to do what needs to be done, and they’re talented so they can do many different things. So I call it the “Stage Manager” syndrome. What happens is they fill all the gaps in a project or on a task or whatever it is helping their teammates and whatnot, so that when things get done, nobody notices that it’s them. But when something goes wrong they’re left holding the bag.  

And why that’s critically important is, besides expanding the scope of your job, which means that you’re basically taking a pay cut, ’cause you’re working a whole lot longer than you should be, is it hides a problem in the business. If somebody else can’t do whatever it is they’re being hired to do, that’s something that the business needs to know, because if you leave then they’re going to have a bigger problem than if they knew it up front.  

The other thing is that the person that you’re compensating for might believe that they can’t do it or not know they need to learn whatever it is, so you in your effort to be helpful you might be being unhelpful. So there’s a lot of reasons why you don’t want to do those types of things, and yet they’re for the best of reason.

So if you can focus on doing your job – and that sounds crazy, ’cause it sounds anti-team – but you prioritize your job and when you decide to do things beyond the scope of your job, make sure it’s for the right reasons and it really has a benefit for the team. I’m not saying say it out loud to them but just be conscious of the choices that you’re making, ’cause again, you don’t have all the energy in the world and you want to make sure you’re using it in the way that you’re meant to use it for the business.

Pete Mockaitis
That makes great sense.  And because I think it’s easy to drift, absolutely, particularly if you’re ambitious and helpful and friendly, to get sucked into doing some other things, and we could talk about a whole another issue of performance review and evaluation cycles and how that kind of unfolds.  

But there’s a set of goals or things that are expected from you, and if you’re the most helpful person around, that may not be the thing that gets seen, evaluated in the actual review cycle, and you might actually find yourself in a tough spot in terms of your career and advancement and promotion, or getting fired.

Amanda Mitchell
It goes to the “Big Rock” story. Do you know that story? It’s often used as an opening to a presentation, where there’s a jar and then there’s a couple of big rocks and then there’s a bunch of little rocks, and the goal is to get them all into the jar. And the only way to do that is to put the big rocks in first and then put the little rocks in and then they fall in around it.  

It’s the idea that you pick the tasks that are important for your job – those are your priorities, or your big rocks – and then you do the little things. If you focus on all those little rocks, you do a lot of tasks, but at the end of the day you have nothing to show for it. And when you get to performance review time, you’re stumped about, “What did I achieve?” You worked a whole lot and you worked really hard, but what did you achieve, is the question.

Pete Mockaitis
This is good, this is good.  Well, that’s not a good situation, but in one sense… [laughter]

So what else would you recommend are some of your top tips for boosting the sense of happiness and peace in terms of, in an ocean of insanity you’ve got an island of, “You know what? Things are working just fine here at my work station.” What are some additional things you recommend?

Amanda Mitchell
I think one of the really powerful quotes I ever heard – and I wish I’d heard it sooner – was you’re the sum of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. And that’s from Jim Rohn. And the idea is that if you’re spending 12 hours a day with the people at work, which is not uncommon in a lot of places, the way they see the world and the way they interact with people is how you’re going to see the world.  

So, you’ve got a bunch of people who are negative or see the glass as half-full who believe that everything is a crisis, you’re going to be that way too. It’s hard not to be because that’s your environment. Now, not only is that stressful, but it can limit your thinking. So if you’re problem-solving and you’re in a world where people are seeing what’s not there as opposed to what is there, it makes it hard to be innovative, because you’ve trained your brain to only look for what’s problem, not what’s the opportunity.  

So it has a lot of implications beyond just your mood. So you want to make sure that you pick people that really support who and what you want to be if it all possible. Now I know you can’t choose everybody that you work with, but you can limit the amount of drama that they bring into your environment and that’s really important because you basically you’re trying to create a supportive environment for yourself. You want to surround yourself with those people and ideas that pull you toward what you want, meaning excellence at work and doing a great job and whatever else it is, and try to downplay or limit those naysayers. You’re going to have them, but limit the impact they have.  

So the way to limit the drama is, understand that those people who use drama, use it as a way to get their own needs met. It’s something about, they’re probably feeling undervalued in some place in their life, and so they’re trying to get validated. So if you understand that that’s the genesis of the drama, you can see through what’s happening and not get hooked into it. And that is incredibly freeing, ’cause if you’re not hooked into the drama, you can see what’s happening and make a choice. And really that’s what it’s about, is having the choice to decide how you want to behave, as opposed to being at the mercy of whatever the environment is about. So, that’s one big thing about really thinking about how to set your environment up, is who are your influencers and influences, and how much influence are going to let them have?

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. Good thinking. And how does one go about disrupting the drama if it shows up or limiting the influence of one who is trying to bring that into your world?

Amanda Mitchell
One of the things I think you want to do is, people who are – let’s just call them “pot stirrers” – they’re trying to make drama out of something, one of the things they’re looking for is they’re looking to be heard. So if you ignore them you’re going to make it worse because that will escalate it. It’s like a child – they just get louder and higher as they try to get heard. So what you want to do is you want to acknowledge, but not validate whatever it is that they’re saying so that they understand that you’ve heard them, but it’s not that you agree with them.  

So that might look like or sound like you would say something, and I would say, “Well, that’s interesting.” And then you go on to whatever the rest of the sentence is that is about something else. But you don’t want to validate whatever they’re saying. So a personal example is that my mother was a worrywart, so she would just make me crazy with the worrying. She would say something and I’d be like “Well, that’s interesting because worry never paid the bills, or worry never did whatever.” It’d make her crazy but it did stop it. So, you really want to do that thing where you are acknowledging that you heard them you’re not playing ball, is basically the message that you’re giving them.  

I think you also want to limit your time with whoever that person is and make it clear, if at all possible. If it’s somebody you’re working with – if it’s not a choice, you have to – then I think that you want to be very clear about where you want to focus, which means that when they start going down the drama path, you interrupt and redirect back to whatever it is that you’re supposed to be talking about, whatever the topic is. So it could sound like, “Well, let’s not get off on that side-track, let’s stay focused on blah blah blah.” So you acknowledge that where they’re taking you is off topic. So again, you’re saying, “I’ve heard you”, but you’re taking them right back to where they need to be. It’s a discipline for you because you’re the one having to do the work of keeping them from going down the path, but the payoff is tremendous.

Pete Mockaitis
I hear you. Okay, so this is a nice line-up. You tell me – is there anything else you want to make sure that we cover off before we shift gears and talk about some of your favorite things here?

Amanda Mitchell
I think one of the things that is really important, and I think people, in their effort to be excellent at work often lose sight of, is that you’re more than your work; you have so much time that you need to put into things. And I can understand why it becomes all-consuming, and certainly I’ve made that mistake myself. But you can do things to reconnect with what’s important to you in a very easy way.  

And so a couple of tips for that just to keep you focused and remembering who you are is, listen to a favorite song every day. So when you’re commuting or whatever, you know how music takes you back to a certain time or place? Pick a time when you were really happy or really excited about something, or pick something you really like now. Music can take you on a trip, so that’s a great way to just re-orient yourself. It takes no energy, it’s a pleasant experience, and it reminds you who you are.  

I think the other part is that it’s very easy to lose contact with people, because it is so all-consuming and people let relationships go because they think they don’t have the time, but you really can reconnect without using a whole lot of time. Whatever it is, if it’s a text or an email or through LinkedIn, just reach out and stay connected by, “Hi, how are you?” Doesn’t have to be genius work here, it’s just, stay connected – that’s really what makes the world go around, is your relationships with other people. And if you let work take over your life, you’re going to miss out on that or have to recreate it later, and that’s much, much harder.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. And there’s so much good research in the positive psychology world associated with the social connections leading to happiness and success and all sorts of good things. And it’s the wrong instinct to try to hunker down ’cause we’re too busy for people, but rather when you’re too busy that’s maybe when you need the most.

Amanda Mitchell
Right.  Right, absolutely.  

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, this is fun, this is fun. So now I’d love to hear about some of your favorite things. Could you open us up by sharing a favorite quote, something that you look to that you find inspiring?

Amanda Mitchell
I don’t know how inspiring this is, but it’s very practical – “Shoot the dogs early.” Well, it’s like you know when something’s not working, whether it’s a person that you’re working with or a project isn’t going to go right. Rather than try to make things fit, sometimes it’s better to just acknowledge it’s not working and shoot the dogs early. It really has saved lot of agita over time to be able to recognize that, because often other people are looking for someone to say it, and say, “This doesn’t make any sense. We need to do X,Y, Z.”  So “Shoot the dogs early” is one of my practical things I think of in quote. And the other one, in the same dog theme, is that whole idea of, “Wag more, bark less.”  It’s a short life, so let’s have more wagging and less barking.

Pete Mockaitis
I’m on board, I’m on board. And how about a favorite study or experiment or a piece of research you find yourself citing often?

Amanda Mitchell
Well, the things that I focus on are really about the business impact of the corporate drama, because a lot of times my clients have to support why it makes sense to treat people right, which you wouldn’t think you’d have to. But they’re looking for studies. So what we’ve done is we’ve gone through all the studies and actually made infographics that we’ve got on our side, if anybody would like to use them they’re under the corporate drama tab. And basically they pull all the research that we found about what keeps people engaged, what makes people happy at work. Bad bosses or bad business is one of the infographics.  

And really I think the one study that everybody refers to –  I guess it’s the golden standard here – is the Gallup “State of the Workplace” report. That’s where that engagement number comes from. So that’s a typical one that I refer to, but honestly I use the compilations much more, because they tell the story of the fact that you if you have a good staff, a happy staff, you’ve got good profits. That’s why our tag line is “Common Sense, Not Common Practice”.  It’s not brain surgery, it’s just isn’t happening.

Pete Mockaitis
Right, right.  And how about a favorite book?

Amanda Mitchell
The book I really found thought-provoking – it’s been out for a couple years now – it’s Conscious Business by Fred Kofman.  It’s about expressing your values through your work.  And I feel like that a lot of us try to do that, whether they’re positive values or negative values, but it was a really good read because it talks about becoming aware and present and responsible for your own happiness, and I think that that’s really, really important, because you can control that.  And a lot of things in the world you can’t control, but you can control your own happiness.

Pete Mockaitis
Right on. And how about a favorite tool, whether it’s a piece of hardware, software or gadget, something that you find handy for being awesome at your job?

Amanda Mitchell
I think a tool would be Hemingwayapp.com. Are you familiar with that?

Pete Mockaitis
Actually, I’m not. Tell us more.

Amanda Mitchell
So that really helps you with your writing. Powerful writing is so important; it’s about having clear active voice writing. So what you do is you write whatever you’re writing, and then you open Hemingwayapp and it will analyze it.  It will tell you, “Okay, this is an adverb and it’s too passive – change it.”  This is 6th grade reading level.  You might want it higher or lower.” It really helps you see what it is that you’ve created, and make it better.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. I’m going to try it out. Thank you. And how about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that’s really boosted your effectiveness?

Amanda Mitchell
Well, I mentioned it already – it’s start the day with your calendar, not your email. Email, I actually put a timer on it to see how much time I was using it and I was horrified. So by just focusing on my schedule and being disciplined about how I use the Web, I’ve been incredibly efficient comparative to before, and it was efficient before so…

Pete Mockaitis
Exciting, yes. It’s compelling. And how about a favorite sort of a resonant nugget or a piece that you share that gets people really nodding their heads, taking notes, re-tweeting, when you’re doing some training or consulting or coaching work? What’s something that really seems to vibe with people?

Amanda Mitchell
I think the big one is that if you’ve got responsibility for something, make sure you also have the authority for it. A lot of times you get the responsibility for a project but you don’t have the ultimate authority, and that means that you don’t have control. So a lot of people get confused – they think when they have responsibilities they actually have control, and that’s not the case. And they can kill themselves trying to make it be perfect and yet it’s not possible. So make sure if you’re going to be responsible for the outcome that you have both responsibility and the authority. If not, then back up your expectations of what it is that you can produce or what it is that you can achieve.

Pete Mockaitis
Alright. And how about the best way to find you if folks want to learn more or get in touch?

Amanda Mitchell
You can certainly go to our site, OurCorporateLife.com, you mentioned that. We’re also on Twitter everyday, so that’s OurCorpLife. Sounds bad, ’cause it sounds like a corpse, but I swear it’s not. We’re there all the time. And then we have a free bi-weekly EZine and I think it’s a great tool. Of course, I write it, so of course I think it’s a great tool, but I hear it back from our subscribers. It basically is meant to help you fill the void if you don’t have a mentor or you don’t have programs at work that can help you learn how to navigate the corporate workplace. It’s only a page, comes out every other Tuesday, and you can subscribe at OurCorporateLife.com/subscribe.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect, thank you. And a favorite challenge or a parting call to action you’d like to leave folks with, who are seeking to be more awesome at their jobs?

Amanda Mitchell
I think it’s don’t leave your work happiness to chance. It’s so important to take the steps to make sure that the time that you spend at work is as happy as you can make it. It’s amazing. We all know we spend a ton of time at work, but why not take control and make it as happy as we can? And I don’t mean unicorn and rainbow kind of happy, but I mean as a practical way to move forward. Not escapism, but just deal what we have to deal with, and limit the downside.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. Well, Amanda, thanks so much for sharing all this just fantastic, good, rich stuff. I wish you tons of luck as you’re doing your thing over at  OurCorporateLife.com and with your clients. And it’s been a real treat having your perspectives here.

Amanda Mitchell
Thanks Pete. It’s been great to be with you.