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283: Subtle Shifts in Thinking for Tremendous Resilience with Charlie Harary

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Charlie Harary says: "Don't wait for the boss to tell you you're doing well... to feel like you're doing well."

Charlie Harary explores how to adjust your recurring thought patterns to find your greatness, enhance emotional wellbeing, and enjoy work more everyday.

You’ll Learn:

  1. How to react to the world in a more empowered way
  2. Two innate needs you must fulfill to be satisfied
  3. Approaches to growing more everyday

About Charlie

Charlie Harary is an author and internationally known speaker sought out for his lectures, seminars and keynote addresses on business intelligence, performance management and personal empowerment. He is the Senior Director of Capital Markets at RXR Realty, a multi-billion dollar real estate company based in New York. He hosts a weekly radio show on the NSN radio network and the Unlocking Greatness podcast. Upon its launch in 2015, Unlocking Greatness made it to the Top 10 on iTunes’ New & Noteworthy Business Podcasts list. Harary is an adjunct clinical professor of management and entrepreneurship at the Syms School of Business at Yeshiva University. He received his J.D. from Columbia Law School where he was awarded the James Kent Scholar and the Harlan Fiske Stone Scholar.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Charlie Harary Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Charlie, thanks so much for joining us here at How to be Awesome at Your Job.

Charlie Harary

Thanks so much for having me. It’s an honor to be on your show.

Pete Mockaitis

I think we’d have a lot of fun in reading through your book here. But first I want to get your take on it. You say that you live on almonds and black coffee. Is that exclusive or to what extent is this true and how is this possible?

Charlie Harary

It’s not exclusive. I do consume other things as well periodically.

This all started a couple of years ago when I met a friend of mine who was – I would call him the biggest carnivore I’d ever seen in my life. He explained to me that he just sort of found this new thing called being a vegan and it changed his life. I sort of didn’t buy it. He dared me to be a vegan for a month and I ended up being a vegan for two years. It was such an incredible experience for me personally.

But I travel a ton and when you’re a vegan, you don’t get a lot of options. When you’re traveling and things are perishable and you’re trying to be healthy, you really don’t got a lot. So I started getting into these almonds, raw almonds, I would take them basically like in the bag and just take bags and bags. Without milk I started drinking coffee black and before you knew it I was just basically waking up in the morning and drinking black coffee and eating almonds all day.

Now one of the things we talk about in the book is this idea of neuroplasticity and how your brain creates connections. One of the connections that it creates is things that you do at the same time. What happened over the course of a year, every time I bit into an almond I’m like, “I could use a cup of coffee.” Every time I had a cup of coffee, I’m like, “You know what this would go great with? Almonds,”

Basically I spend most of my day traveling drinking coffee, and eating almonds. That’s sort of the staple of how I survive.

Pete Mockaitis

That sounds simple in terms of you don’t have to think too hard or get hungry. So you’re not tired of almonds. How long has this been going on?

Charlie Harary

At least two to three years.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, and that’s … thing.

Charlie Harary

I actually graduated into almond butter, which is awesome, which is a whole other world unto itself that I almost feel like I’m indulging too much in. They don’t let you take it on an airplane, so it has limited capacity for me.

Pete Mockaitis

It’s counted as a liquid, gel, aerosol?

Charlie Harary

Yeah. They come too large. Usually the almond butter-

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, the size.

Charlie Harary

Size, exactly.

Pete Mockaitis

Speaking of fun images you’ve earned a moniker, the Malcolm Gladwell of Emotional Wellbeing and that makes me – I love a good metaphor because you can interpret it in so many ways. Does that mean you have wild, curly hair? How would we read this?

Charlie Harary

Well, when someone first told me I’m like, “I guess I’ve got to sort of curl my hair.” But what happened was when I wrote the book – I’m a lawyer by trade. I’m not a psychologist. A lot of the book is based on psychology, but I see it mostly as research and the narrative being around the human being. That’s what lawyers do, we digest lots and lots of research.

I sent to a lot of psychologists and academics and professors, say, “Hey, listen, read this and tell me if this reads right,” and they would come back with a very similar line of, “Hey, this is like Malcolm Gladwell. Are you the Malcolm Gladwell of emotional wellbeing?” I got that more than once.

I’m like, “What do you mean by that?” The way they described it was usually – I mean Malcolm Gladwell is one of my favorite authors. Just even thought to be – for someone else to say that is the greatest honor. A lot of what he writes about I think are like societal issues and socioeconomic issues and things – tipping point, success in sort of a broader society type way.

This is sort of – what I think they were getting at, this sort of has the same style of a story-based research, but as opposed to it being explaining some phenomenon in society, it’s explaining how you can be better as a human being, how you can increase your emotional wellbeing. That was sort of the response that I got from some of my colleagues and friends.

I’m like, “All right. Thanks so much. I appreciate it. I hope that you buy a million copies and then you can really continue the metaphor.”

Pete Mockaitis

Yes. If I’m Malcolm Gladwell, then I need Malcolm Gladwell level of book sales please.

Charlie Harary

How about you put your money where your mouth is?

Pete Mockaitis

Yes, that’s good.

Charlie Harary

Start buying.

Pete Mockaitis

So we’re talking about wellbeing and being better. You’ve got the word greatness in your book, unlocking greatness in your podcast with the same name, Unlocking Greatness. What exactly do you mean by greatness here?

Charlie Harary

When I’m talking about greatness is a sort of emotional feeling. It’s an intangible sense of empowerment. That somebody feels that they’re doing what they should be doing and as a result there’s like an internal feeling of greatness that I feel like I am living a life that’s not just average, I’m living a life that’s not just survival or good. I’m living a life that I am feeling that great feeling inside me. It’s sort of intangible empowerment feeling. That’s what I’m getting at.

It’s not – though the book we try to make the case that greatness isn’t necessarily what the world tells you you are. It’s not the medal they put around your neck or the grade they give you after your name. It’s your own approach towards life. It exists in a much more of a micro perspective. But what I’m trying to get at is a certain feeling of empowerment that people have that they need to tap into and unlock as a way to live their lives in every day of their lives.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, so this notion of doing what I should be doing, that is nice when you have those moments and so please, do tell how does one have more of those moments?

Charlie Harary

A lot of it comes down to an approach towards life. It’s understanding what you have in your mind. Understanding that a lot of what you’re feeling is really not based on the world around you; it’s based on your perception of that world. Schema, if you will, is a way in which you process the world.  A lot of what we’re experiencing isn’t directly affecting our feelings. It passes through our perspective, our schema.

And when you take control of that – first, when you know it exists and how it happens and how it works and how your mind works, and you learn how you can manipulate and move and train your mind to make life and your goals more accessible, and also going deeper, you learn about aspects of spirituality and the metaphysical and what giving means and what it does for that intangible thing that many call the soul, you can start to realize that the feeling of greatness is really the opportunities that are in front of you and how you react towards them and your perspective on what’s in front of you.

That sort of way of life and then you sort of couple upon that your way your brain works, starts to condition people to see opportunities as – or see challenges as opportunities and see things that are in front of them as ways to grow and get better in small micro ways, which then conditions that behavior, which then allows them to feel more empowered, which then sort of creates the cascade of feeling great on a daily basis.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, I’d love it Charlie, if you could sort of zoom right in. We got the schemas, and perspectives, and interpretations, and decisions, and how we’re choosing to engage with the stuff around us, so if you could zoom right in for let’s say there’s professional, there’s experience in the workday, and something happens, what would be maybe a typical mental response that is sort of common yet suboptimal versus maybe an outstanding interpretation mental response to that same set of circumstances.

Charlie Harary

Sure. So a professional sitting at a desk and they are – they feel subject to the whims and the feelings of their boss or their customers, so their day – basically they’re like a reed. Depending on what’s going around them will affect their day. Then their whole internal situation will be impacted by everyone around them, so that’s a very difficult way to live your life.

When that person sits at their desk and at first before they even sit at their desk, there’s a certain level of visualization and intention as to what they’re doing there and the desire to get a little better. There’s an intention to take their activities and their jobs and to adjust it to grow in whatever way

they can that day. It’s not just get through the day. TGIF, right? It’s today’s a day to be better.

Whenever they feel disempowered, what they should be doing is – let the feeling go through the mind. Don’t do it on the spot, but ask themselves the following question, what in my belief systems, in my mind cause me to be disempowered?

There’s a whole host of things that can cause that. I’m insecure with who I am. I’m threatened by someone around me. I think I’m not great at my job and so I may be fired. I am looking for someone else to validate who I am. There’s a whole bunch of beliefs that cause someone else’s bad moods to impact my mood.

When they just do that just for a few minutes, they just think through what their beliefs could be, what happens is they start to realize that whatever goes on around me doesn’t have to impact what’s inside me. If they just practice if they can every single day a period of time where they are going to act empowered no matter what, what they’ll do is they’ll start to condition their minds to react to the world in a most empowered way and that will start to feel more natural.

Sitting at their desk over time, this doesn’t happen in a day, over time they’ll actually be more resilient and be able to address whatever is in front of them with more empowerment. That will make them better at their jobs. That will make them better in their offices, but more importantly, it will make them feel better as human beings.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, so I’d love for you to expand upon what I feel as empowered. It sounds your use of the word as empowered is a little bit broader than, “Oh, it’s out of my control,” but you’re like – tell me more about disempowered.

Charlie Harary

Disempowered is the feeling of lack of desire. Disempowerment is a whole host of feelings that make you feel like you want to act less: sad, frustrated. In each of these things there’s an empowerment aspect and a disempowerment aspect. But whenever you’re feeling disempowered what usually happens next is you have less energy. You have less desire. You want to disengage from the environment. You want to give up.

Now when you go to work without any of the pre-work that goes on in your mind, without knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing, without trying to focus on being better at what you do, what happens is the lack of independence of your actions allow you to be much more subject to everyone else’s whims because you’re only there to get through the day. That already before you even sit down at your desk is a total mind shift that makes you vulnerable.

Whenever something happens that doesn’t give you the validation that you’re looking for, it disempowers you. It makes you feel like you what to try less. It makes you feel like you want to disengage, give up.

That feeling is just your mind. That has nothing to do with people around you. For every person that feels that way, someone else says, “You don’t like what I did; I’m trying harder. You don’t like what I thought; fine, that’s your opinion.” And this happens everywhere.

If you look at great people’s lives, from academics to theologians to athletes, you will find along the way lots of people have tried or unintentionally to disempower them and what got them through it was

the feeling of “I am in control of my feelings. I’m going to push through whether you like it or not.” That empowerment in difficult times, more than their natural capacity, usually is what makes great people achieve things that we all know and recognize.

Pete Mockaitis

Yes. It feels like we’re really onto something here it’s like this is the nexus or the nucleus or where the rubber meets the road for a huge cascading set of events or dominoes that can go in one direction or another in terms of –

Something happens, like I don’t know. Let’s say that you were in charge of something and then all of the sudden, someone else is doing that something, so you’re kind of knee-jerk reaction could be like, “What the heck. That’s bull crap. They don’t trust me with this. Someone thinks they can just take over my territory,” whatever.

I guess we would call that being in the place of disempowerment. We’re just ticked off. We’re irritated. We have a sense of being dissed. We don’t like it. Then you’re saying right then and there, the key is to not ask yourself the question “What the heck is wrong with everybody?” but instead to ask the question, “What is it in my beliefs or within my mind that leads me to feel so angry about this situation?”

Charlie Harary

Yeah, and I don’t mean in any way that people should sort of make themselves into like a mat on the floor that people can just step on whenever they want.

It’s a great example you brought up. You sit at work and someone takes over a responsibility for something let’s say and you’re like, “That’s crazy. That’s ridiculous.” Then the whole day it’s, “They don’t appreciate me. They don’t like me. I’m not good at my job. This person’s take-“ and that’s it. That’s it.

You’re whole day is hijacked by a whole host of insecurities that come to the service that make it impossible for you to be the one to be in charge now and then only make it hard for you to go to work the next day, the next week, and then it just adds and adds, and adds. Wonderful.

That happened because of two reasons. Number one, most of the time you’re not working on yourself or the person is not working on themselves. Right? Usually insecurity comes because you’re not putting in the effort. You’re not putting in that level of “I’m the best at my job. I did everything in my power to show the best that I can be and I am fully confident that whether I win or I lose, this is the best that I have inside me.”

Usually at work it’s, “I did the best that I could have. I got by and someone else came in and I don’t want anyone to expose that I’m not the best at this.” But let’s assume that’s even the case, the end of the day, if you’ve been in the business world for a few years, you know that life is long and if you’re good at your job and you’re in a normal, healthy environment, you will most likely be rewarded for it. If not, there are other places that will reward you.

The business world is much more dynamic than one person in one place. When your reaction is disempowering, you become worse at your job.

What you do is – this is what’s – same thing with people that hurt you, right? Someone gets hurt, right? So what do you do? You hate them. Every time they pass by, you feel bitter and you resent them. This is what some people think.

What do you do? They hurt you and do you know what you give them for hurting you? You give them the benefit of feeling pain every time you’re in their presence. That’s how we get back at people by allowing us to feel pain and disempowerment when they’re in our presence. They get to hurt us twice.

Yeah, someone was hurt, so as opposed to thinking, “Okay, what’s in my belief system that makes me think that I can’t allow someone else to get this credit necessarily. And two, what did I just learn.” This is in the book later on. It’s called deliberate practice. It’s work by a man named Ericsson. It’s a lot of Gladwellians thinking. The 10,000 hour rule is based on the research by a man named Anders Ericsson, who speaks about life as just one huge process of deliberate practice. Every failure you have is an ability to round out what you’re doing to become more successful.

So you have two people. One person is just, “This is it. I’m out,” and they’re just filled with resentment, rage and hurt, and frustration, insecurity. One person is working on themselves to be more of a giver, to figure out where they can be better at their jobs, to understand what caused this to happen and is empowered because they know that life is long and they’ll get their eventually.

They’re totally diametrically opposed viewpoints that are based on your schema. And to be honest although the first one seems like it’s more just, the latter one makes you win in the long term nine out of ten times.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah. This is just powerful stuff in terms of just the implications and it’s like so subtle. It’s like you could go by your whole life really and just not even be aware that you have a choice. It’s just like autopilot hijack, “I am the victim to this bull crap and I hate it.” It’s like you could totally go down that route readily.

Then as opposed to asking the question – I guess I’m wondering. When you ask that question, “What is it in my beliefs,” and then you discover something. It’s like, well what it is is, “Hey, I’ve got a little bit of a sore spot that I’m actually not good at spreadsheets,” whatever.

“I’m concerned that really I’m not good at this element which has now been handed off to someone else and I feel kind of like a loser because it has been sort of snatched from my area of responsibility and I’m wondering just to what extent I really have a future here if folks are giving away my responsibility and other stuff,” so that’s just an example.

Charlie Harary

Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis

“I’ve done some self-exploration. What is it in my beliefs and what caused me to react in such a way. I got some answers. What do I do with those? Those are kind of hard to fix.”

Charlie Harary

Yeah, I’m so happy you’re doing this. Thank you. You’re listeners are so lucky, honestly to have you.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh shucks.

Charlie Harary

Because this is great stuff. I mean it. This is great stuff. This is real – the questions you’re asking are good questions and I appreciate and I’m honored to be on this. Let’s continue this scenario. This is exactly right. This happens every day, right?

You go to being a victim in your mentality and as opposed to figuring out how I can grow or to your point getting underneath the surface of “I’m not good at spreadsheets,” and that’s part of being a human being, not being good at everything. It turns into the victim mentality. You talk to your friends about it and of course they’re going to validate you because they’re your friends.

Pete Mockaitis

“I can’t believe she did that.”

Charlie Harary

Yeah. It only creates more neural connections that you’re the victim and people are bad.

Here’s what happens. You ready for this? Your schema starts to see everyone around you as out to get you, so now what happens next week? A new project comes up where there’s a new one that you are good at, but your schema doesn’t show it to you because you’re so focused on being hurt that the next opportunity that comes by your desk, you totally miss.

As opposed to volunteering or taking on or feeling responsible or coming in with a certain level of confidence everybody can sort of smell and be aware of, you come at it from a “So you’re going to appreciate me now,” perspective and then just people sort of feel differently. And without you realizing anything, you’re just heading yourself down the road of less. As opposed to saying to yourself, “Okay, this happened. Wonderful. Where’s my beliefs.”

Someone once told me – I’ll never forget this. When I was doing the research. I forgot who said this but it was a mentor of mine said, “Whenever you have a bad thought, see yourself like a plumber. You walk into a house and there’s a leak. The plumber wants the leak because when there’s a leak you can find the problem. If there’s no leak, it’s in the walls. Everything may burst at some point, right”

That’s life. You’ve got bad beliefs. It’s part of humanity. Guess what? Not everyone grew up in like the perfect environment. Not everything is perfect. People come up and things are tough, so they develop these bad beliefs and insecurities and this and guess what happens? You have a bad thought. You’re disempowered.

If you don’t see it as a leak that you can figure out where the source is from, at some point you’re going to burst. You can burst by either quitting or disengaging just engaging in entertainment your whole life. You can do it by just counting days until Friday and then vacations and just of using most of your adult life as just sort of waiting to escape from your daily job. Whatever it is that is a manifestation of that.

But as opposed to saying, “Hey, wait a second. I’m disempowered. How come? This is an opportunity. What’s causing this? Oh, is it this? Is it that?” and getting some self-discovery because if you get some self-discovery, you know what you can do in today’s day and age? You can learn spreadsheets.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah right. LinkedIn learning baby. Former sponsor. Come on down.

Charlie Harary

You know who does this so well? Football players. Right? You ever watch football? Football, every time they do anything, they spend hours on game tape. Why? Because they’re like, “We’re going to win games and you don’t win games until you analyze and over analyze every single play.”

You go to an office and no one’s analyzing anything. We’re just doing. Maybe on a spreadsheet, maybe on a project if it’s sales. But can you imagine if we treated our lives as important as someone treats a football game. Can you imagine if the effort that goes into winning a game in a college football season is applied to winning at my life. We would be superstars, all of us.

Even if nobody knew our names, we would know. We would go to bed knowing that I’m living a different type of life. And the empowerment we’d feel by getting up every single day and know that if I get ice cream, I’m going to love it and if I get something that’s bitter, I’m going to learn from it. That’s life. It’s addictive. It’s awesome. You unlock your greatness. You don’t wait for the boss to tell you you’re doing well to feel like you’re doing well.

Pete Mockaitis

Charlie, this is potent stuff. I’d love to get your take on some potential objections here. Let’s say – you mentioned a bad thought being disempowered. I’m thinking there’s some who would respond, “Hey, all emotions are telling you something and should be honored and don’t repress yourself and don’t sort of push through the bad stuff. That’s part of life. It’s okay to be human and have these feelings.” How do you respond to this?

Charlie Harary

I think they’re right. It’s absolutely okay to be human. This is the joy of humanity and you should definitely not rush through it. I’m the other way. I’m saying you should analyze it. I’m not saying to rush anything.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay.

Charlie Harary

The people that are rushing through it, what they’re doing is they’re feeling it, they’re running to the coffee station and they’re talking about it all day. I’m talking about totally feeling it.
In fact, feel it to a level to which you can understand where it comes from.

Absolutely bad thoughts is the beauty of life in a way. Obviously I’m staying away from the margins of crisis and trauma. I’m not talking about that. That’s outside the realm of this. I’m talking about the everyday disempowering thoughts that we have are opportunities for us to become greater at our lives. If we see it that way, there’s a different way we look at things.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s great. All right, so we talked about sort of in the heat of battle, something happens and then sort of afterwards you want to sit with it, you want to feel it deeply, get to the root of it, and it sounds like you’re saying, “Don’t rush it. It may take maybe multiple days to really zero in on what’s going on there.” Is that fair to say?

Charlie Harary

I would say sometimes weeks.

Pete Mockaitis

Sure.

Charlie Harary

I’ve got to tell you personally. I keep a journal. I write a journal every day. I spend lots of the pages in that journal analyzing this stuff. It takes me sometimes weeks to figure out, “Hey, wait a second. This is why I’m feeling this way.” There’s no right and wrong answer.

But this is part of the joy of growth that you delve into yourself and you get more honest with yourself and you come face to face with your greatest insecurities and you’re okay with it. When you’re okay with it, it makes you go through life in a much different way.

Pete Mockaitis

I’d like to hear about that a bit when it comes to getting okay with your greatest insecurities. Let’s just say we’ve zeroed in on an insecurity that’s greater than being bad at spreadsheets. It’s like, “I feel that my worth as a human being is contingent upon my usefulness, my productivity, my to-do list checking sort of thing.” That’s something that I’ve heard some listeners articulate in different ways at different levels of candor or depth. So let’s say, okay, we’ve got a big, juicy, insecurity that’s deep seated, what do we do with that?

Charlie Harary

Yeah, that’s big. My worth as a human being is conditioned upon a certain level of usefulness.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah.

Charlie Harary

Or popularity.

Pete Mockaitis

Sure. Or attractiveness. You can fill in the blank.

Charlie Harary

Or wealth, right? If I don’t get this level of – if I don’t get into this college, if I don’t have this net worth, if I have these many listeners, if I have these many viewers, whatever it is that we’re doing, right?

Okay, we come up with it. If you’re writing a book, this is the game. I think my work is great and when we went around looking for a publishers and we got “No, no, no,” when you get lots of no’s you’re up against, “Is there something wrong with me?”

When you have that feeling, you’re choices are either “I’m not enough. I’m disengaging. There’s something wrong with me and I’m going to feel disempowered,” or it’s, “What am I doing this for? Why do I need someone else to validate me? What is it about me that needs these many listeners, viewers, net worth? Why? Where’s it coming from?”

Again, there’s no right answer. There’s no – That’s why the title is The Unexpected Journey. You don’t come to an answer. You just walk the journey your whole life. The journey is, “Well, where did I get this from? I’m out there giving value, trying my hardest, where did I get that unless someone else seems to validate it, it’s valuable.”

“Why can’t I just go out there and just do my best and go to bed knowing that I ripped every day a micro tear at my muscle or that I gave more value than I ever took. What don’t I think this way for?” You start to delve into yourself. “Why do I need the world to tell me how good I am? Am I worried about my livelihood? Are they going to fire me? Is it because I’m competing?”

You start to uncover things about how you think. Again, there’s no right or wrong answer. But along the way you start realizing, “This is ridiculous. I just made this up. This is not real.”

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s the end of it when you unravel it. It’s like, “This is ridiculous. I just made this up.”

Charlie Harary

Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s when you’re done with that issue of the day until another one shows up.

Charlie Harary

A lot of the way that’s how it works. A lot of what we’re doing is we pack ourselves into this – we create our tension. A lot of our lives is self-focused attention because we’re so insecure versus this sense of I have something valuable.

This, by the way, is one of the key, core aspects of the book, is that greatness is not something you become; it’s something you reveal. What you have inside you, the metaphysical part of you, is greater than the physical part of you. And you know it because when we’re pushed against the wall, we feel like we have the capacity to dig into a deeper place. We know it when you give. We have a piece of us that’s beyond ourselves.
When a person goes through life realizing that they have all the greatness that they ever want inside them and their job in life is to just reveal it, to bring it out, to bring that which is inside them to the outside. You’re not waiting for the world to validate you; you’re just waiting for opportunities to push yourself to places that you’ve never been before.

It’s another way of living, another way of pushing and when that’s your schema, when that’s your perspective, you just act differently in the world.

Pete Mockaitis

Yes. This is good.

Let’s talk about – I think we talked about in the heat of battle, what happens, how you react and how you should think about it alternatively. We talked about sort of the after action with regard to analyzing it and asking those great why-type follow up questions that get to the heart of it.

You also highlighted earlier a bit of the pre-work before you sit in that office chair to begin with associated with the why and having a commitment to growth. What are some of the practices there to get that frame or that priming going in your favor before stuff even starts happening.

Charlie Harary

Right, so this is based on some of the work done by Deci and Ryan and their Self-Determination Theory, where they speak about innate needs. We speak about this in the book a lot, but there’s sort of two out of the three innate needs I spend most time on. One is confidence or mastery or significance and one is connectedness or relatedness.

Unless you’re fulfilling these two needs – if you’re not satisfying these needs, you’re not satisfied. That’s a lot of life.

When you go into anything, a job, anything you’re doing, you have to come in with two frames. One is “I’m using this activity to get better, just to get better. I’m sitting at my desk. I’ve done this 50 times. I wanted to get 1% better.”

There’s a great documentary out there called Tom Verses Time on Tom Brady. Last year he had hired some throwing coach to help him throw like 1% better and he figures out the technique and you see him on the screen like go nuts. The guy’s like, “What was that?” He’s like, “I just got 1% better.” Like you saw. This coach turned and looked at him and he goes, “That’s what it means to be a world class champion that you get so excited at getting 1% better.”

You’re at your job, you’ve got to every day getting 1% better, every day. Even if you’re doing the same thing every day, get better at it because getting better at things fulfills you and allows you to feel like you’re moving in a direction.

The second is connectedness. You’ve got to be connected to people. You’ve got to be giving to people. You can’t be taking. When you’re working, you’ve got to be giving, giving to your boss, giving to your colleagues, giving to your customers.

When you walk into that day, if you’re focused on how do I get more connected and how do I get better at my job, you come in with the intention of success. You’re not vulnerable. You’re not a sitting duck. You’re not waiting for the day to be over. You are excited and you’re fulfilling your inner needs of what you need to do throughout that day and you’re using work as a mechanism to fulfill your needs.

That mentality is what moves people to excellence and that’s the mentality that everyone should have no matter what you’re doing at anything you’re doing. It’s usually in those areas. Then that’s how you grow and get better and be more resilient when things don’t go your way or more positioned to take advantage of opportunities of success.

Pete Mockaitis

Yes. What I love about all of this is that it’s all just in between your ears. It’s like-

Charlie Harary

Yup.

Pete Mockaitis

You don’t have to say a word. You know it, but people will see just based on sort of like the fruit that grows from what’s there deeply.

That’s intriguing. I’d love to get your take sort of practically tactically speaking, in terms of getting better at things and being more connected, do you have any sort of favorite tips and tricks here. I guess I’m wondering specifically for getting better at things. If it’s like, “You know, I’ve done this 3,000 times and I’m frankly kind of bored with doing it and I think I’m doing it about as well as it can be done.” What are some ways you can figure out how you can continue to get better.

Charlie Harary

There’s two ways. One is proactive and one is reactive. Proactively, exactly your point. Whenever you’ve done something a million times, you have to proactively look for things that are harder, that move you down the path.

If I’ve always done this job, okay, what else can I do to take on more. If I can’t do it at my work because nobody cares, what I can do when I get out of work. What I can do every single day to take on something, to learn something, to try something, to get good at something because I need to spend my days getting good or better at something to feel good about myself.

When it comes the same thing to people. I’ve always treated my wife this way. My kids, this is who I am. This is the dad I am. Well, no, that’s not true. How do I wake up in the morning and see my family, friends, whoever, and try to be better to them. That’s the proactive approach.

The reactive approach is the recognition that any time you’re going to grow, growth is packaged usually in pain, small pain. Growth is threatening and growth is painful. It’s uncomfortable. When opportunity comes my way that’s uncomfortable, usually, it’s just the garment of growth.

When that kid calls me with this and I don’t want to deal with it or my friend says, “How you doing?” and my friend says, “Fine,” and I know even if I say, “Are you sure?” I’m dealing with it. Or that opportunity comes down the pipe to work on something harder and I’m like, “I don’t have to do it. I’ll still get paid.”

When things come your way that seem uncomfortable or painful, before you pass, look at it closely and what you’ll find is that lots of your growth is nestled in that. When you get through that discomfort – because greatness is the product of deliberate discomfort. That’s what greatness is. Greatness is uncomfortable.

When you see your life and you start to be comfortable in the uncomfortable and you start to choose greatness over comfort, you start to push yourself in small ways. I don’t mean to do anything massive, push proactively and then respond more empowered reactively.

Pete Mockaitis

Right. Excellent. Thank you. Well, Charlie, tell me, anything else you really want to make sure to highlight before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things.

Charlie Harary

I think it’s just that concept that greatness is micro

And when you’re focused on the micro moments of your day to get better and more connected, you won’t even realize how much you’re going to grow and how much your brain will condition you for feeling that empowerment feeling.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome. Thank you. Now can you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Charlie Harary

My favorite quote is from Albert Einstein, “If at first your ideas are not considered absurd, they have no hope.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. Thank you. And how about a favorite study or experiment or piece of research?

Charlie Harary

My favorite real study and I started with it in the book. It’s 1960’s but it’s so pure and so perfect. It was the Rosenthal Effect.

It’s Robert Rosenthal walking into a room of teachers and basically randomly picking out students, having teachers believe that the students are smarter than they actually are and then that mistaken belief changes the students’ performance.

It’s like the foundation of so many more sophisticated research studies, but to me it goes back to that all the time. It goes back to that simple study that shows that, like you said earlier, it’s between your ears. It’s between your ears. When you fully digest the power of your mind and your beliefs and you believe it and you buy it –

That’s why when I wrote the book, I tried hard to stick in as many studies as I can. I didn’t want people to sort of skim through it and see it as a some maxim that sort of promises that their beliefs shape reality, but they don’t know how that works.

I teach this course at a business school and it takes me nine hours of class time to go through all the studies. That’s only just the tip of the iceberg. When you fully appreciate the power of your mind, it’s exiting. It’s exciting. It’s daunting, but it creates an empowerment to how far you can push your life.

Pete Mockaitis

Excellent. Thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Charlie Harary

One is Gladwell’s Outliers. I love that book. I love his approach towards success and how he sort of goes through it. My other one is a book by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Flow. I love that book.

I actually bought two of them believe it or not and the first one I have and the second one I just ripped out pages and highlighted things and scanned things. I didn’t know what to do with myself halfway through that book. It was so enlightening.

Pete Mockaitis

Beautiful. Thank you. How about a favorite tool?

Charlie Harary

I think my favorite tool is really my phone, my iPhone. Without it I don’t think I’d survive. When I walk out of the house, if I forget to charge it, I have like that panic of I may exist without a phone. I think we all sort of feel that same way. But I think it would be my iPhone.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. How about a favorite habit?

Charlie Harary

My favorite habit is writing. I took this on years ago when someone told me that if I would write three pages a day it would change my life. I didn’t believe them and I bought a notebook and I started doing it every day. I’m writing maybe a page or two of my own handwritten thoughts.

To me that’s sort of my favorite habit. It’s a sort of to me like a little bit of writing introspection, sort of like a prayer almost. When I’m writing things I’m sort of figuring myself out and able to sort of articulate what I want, but spending the time every day writing what’s going on inside you and trying to figure out how your mind works, it’s life changing.

In many ways I find myself whenever I have disempowered thoughts, I find myself grabbing for a pen and working it through in my head through the paper.

Pete Mockaitis

Tell me is there a particular nugget you share that seems to really be connecting and resonating with folks?

Charlie Harary

I think I’ll say three quick nuggets I think that are resonating the most. One is that greatness is inside you. It’s not anything you’re ever going to get. I would even say it differently. No one is giving you a feeling. That feeling that we all want, empowerment, no one’s ever giving it to you and you’re never getting it from the world.

That’s how it is. It’s not how the world works. It’s always the next thing. It’s always the next thing. It’s inside you and you’ve got to bring it out.

The second thing is the idea of micro greatness and recognizing that greatness is in the small moments.

The last one is the idea of rituals that if you really want to change your mind all you’ve got to do is change your rituals and stick with them. Rituals can be really small. Someone could actually do a ritual for five – ten minutes a day and over the course of the year, literally change their mind and their life.

Just the idea that you can change your life through rituals in a micro capacity and that will have major implications is empowering I think for myself and people have told me is empowering for them as well.

Pete Mockaitis

Now, you say you can change your brain and life five – ten minutes a day ritual. You’re saying not a particular ritual, but any number of rituals will kind of rewire some brain neuroplasticity action?

Charlie Harary

Yeah, absolutely. That’s where people get things wrong is that they live their lives in resolutions and they just assume if I resolve something, I’ll just have the will power to get done. This great work by a man named Roy Baumeister who speaks about ego depletion, about how you just don’t have enough will power to get through anything that your brain doesn’t do already.

If you really want to make a change, you’ve got to actually change your brain. You change your brain through repetitive action that will change your neuroplasticity, that will change your connections in your mind.

Just that idea that if I want to actually change something, I don’t have to sort of like hunker down and kill myself. I just need to expand my timeline and just create rituals around things I want to do and then overtime my brain will adapt it, to me is life changing. It’s changed my life for sure. I found that people found it to be empowering.

Pete Mockaitis

Beautiful. Thank you. Tell if folks want to learn more or get in touch where would you point them?

Charlie Harary

Sure. It’s either my website CharlieHarary.com, H-A-R-A-R-Y. Or Unlocking Greatness book. If you go to UnlockingGreatnessBook.com, we’ve got the book, I have a podcast on this and a newsletter and there’s stuff that you can download, the workbook for free that we built. There’s a lot of stuff there if anybody’s interested in more.

Pete Mockaitis

And you have final challenge or call to action for those seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Charlie Harary

Yeah, I guess the real challenge would be to push yourself to be empowered when you feel most disempowered. When you take responsibility for your feelings and tell yourself I’m going to figure out how to be empowered in moments that have otherwise disempowered me, you will figure out how to do all this stuff.

Once you take responsibility for your feelings and you don’t advocate that to the world, you will find yourself more creative and resourceful to getting it done and feeling this way.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome. Well, Charlie, this has been a whole lot of fun. Thank you for taking the time and I wish you lots and lots of luck and empowering thoughts and goodness in your book and your teaching and your real estate and all you’re up to.

Charlie Harary

Thank you so much. An honor to be on your show and thanks so much really.

282: How to Manage Your Attention and Your Priorities with Neen James

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Neen James says: "We can't manage time, but we can manage our attention."

Neen James shares best practices for directing our attention toward meaningful priorities.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The fifteen minutes per day that can change everything
  2. Strategies for selecting the worthiest goals
  3. How we often fail to pay good attention to people

About Neen

Neen James is the author of Folding Time™ and Attention Pays™. Named one of Top 30 Leadership Speakers by Global Guru several years in a row because of her work with companies including Viacom, Comcast, and Abbot Pharmaceuticals.

Boundless energy, quick-witted with powerful strategies for paying attention to what matters, Neen shares how to get more done and create more significant moments at work, and home.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Neen James Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Neen, thanks for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Neen James

G’day. What a privilege to be on your show. I love this podcast.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, thank you. I’m so flattered to be chatting but we met in person a couple years ago in Orlando, and my how the time flies.
Neen James
My goodness. That was several years ago. Your memory is incredible.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, you were very memorable.
Neen James
[Laugh] You’re sweet. That’ll definitely get you points, just for the record.
Pete Mockaitis
Sure. We could flatter each other but I want to get going a little bit. I learned about you that you love fast cars. What’s the story here?
Neen James
Oh my gosh. I love speed and I love the glamour of things like F-1. Formula 1 cars that are insane, right? I love the speed, I love the precision. I love the excitement and I love driving fast cars too. So, I love watching them and I also love driving them.
Pete Mockaitis
So now, do you drive these fast cars? Where do you drive them where you can drive them fast enough, or do you just make do with the speed limit suggestions?
Neen James
Yeah, I’m so fortunate to not get too many speeding tickets. My husband and I live in a beautiful part of Pennsylvania called Bucks County and they have some stunning roads. It’s not even about necessarily the speed in the back roads, Pete. It’s about how beautiful the journey is, but I do love being in a gorgeous fast car too.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. Have you seen the Netflix series “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with Jerry Seinfeld?
Neen James
Yes. [laugh]
Pete Mockaitis
I just wondered, who is this for? Who likes all of those things? I like comedians, I like cars and I like coffee. Here’s the show for me.
Neen James
For you and me, that show is perfect.
Pete Mockaitis
I guess they did their research. Netflix, they’re good with their data. Hopefully we’re going to get the direct to consumer insights shortly on the program. We’ll see. We’ve been back and forth, but very cool. Speaking of the use of attention, how’s that for a segue from Netflix. You’ve got this book coming out called Attention Pays. Very clever. Rather than Pay Attention, Attention Pays. Tell us, what’s the main idea and what’s it all about? Why is it important?
Neen James
The reason it’s so important Pete, let’s start with that. It’s because we’re living in this time where we are more distracted than we’ve ever been before. Technology has changed the pace at which we work and we feel what I call in the book, the “over trilogy” – which is overwhelmed, overstressed and overtired, and so many of our listeners can relate to at least one or all of those things. What I’ve realized is we can’t manage time, but we can manage our attention. So what I created through the research and interviews and all my speeches and all the great time I get to spend with my clients and in my executive mentoring, I realized that we pay attention three ways.
Personally, it’s about who we pay attention to and that’s being thoughtful. Professionally, it’s about what we pay attention to and that’s being productive. And globally, it’s about how we pay attention in the world and that’s about being responsible; personally, professionally and globally. The book shares hundreds of strategies that every person in their professional career … and it doesn’t matter if they are working inside a big organization like so many of your listeners, or whether they work for themselves. This will apply.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, well. Boy, are you a keynoter perchance laying it out in three key elements?
Neen James
You better believe it.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. I’m intrigued to dig into each of those but first, I’d love it if maybe you could orient us a bit in terms of … you mentioned that technology, it’s happening and things are changing. It’s fast paced and all this information and all that, sure. I guess I’m curious to hear just what kind of a difference does it make if you are a master of your attention versus you’re, I guess at the mercy of whoever wants your attention.
Neen James
Let me give you an example of one of my clients. I have the privilege of working with Comcast. I was with the leadership team and what we decided to do was we decided to set them a challenge. Could they invest fifteen minutes in a strategic appointment with themselves every day to master their own attention, identify their top three not negotiable activities? Before their head hits the pillow tonight, what’s their three? The reason we did this with this leadership team is they were responsible for a very large budget with a very large team. We realized that their attention was being pulled in hundreds of directions. I’m sure your listeners can relate to that. What was fascinating about this particular case study that we did was every single leader told me, as a result of investing their attention for fifteen minutes a day, their team development went up, their sales went up and they became the top performing team in the region. This is amazing to me … in their company, my apologies.
What’s amazing to me is that that fifteen minutes which we all could invest, right … Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes we can find in our calendar, they learned to master a strategic appointment with themselves. I love that idea of just that one fifteen minute appointment every day, and that way too you know what your most important things are that you do today. It drives your productivity and it holds you personally accountable for the results.
Pete Mockaitis
Well Neen, I can’t let that go. Fifteen minutes a day made a transformational difference for these folks, so you must unpack it for us. What’s happening during these fifteen minutes? What’s the prescription?
Neen James
Let me tell you how I do mine, Pete, and this might help the listeners as well. For me what I do is, I make my coffee and I sit down with my … it’s a pretty fancy system. I use a Post-It note admittedly, and what do on that Post-It note is I write at the top “today, I will” and then I determine what are three things that I absolutely must achieve today.
Now these three things will move me closer to my goals. For example, if you work for a company, chances are you have objectives you’re being measured on, on a quarterly or annual basis. It’s a really great idea to identify activities so they’ll bring you closer to those particular goals. If you are a leader who is managing a team of people, no doubt your team has responsibilities that you as their leader need to guide them on. So what are three things you could do today that would move those projects or objectives or results forward?
What this does, Pete, is it becomes a decision filtering system, meaning every time you want to get distracted, every time someone walks into your office, every time you’re tempted to go on social media, you look at your three things. I deliberately write them on a Post-It note and I’ll tell you why. I can carry that silly little Post-It note with me all day and it’s a visual reminder of where my attention needs to be invested, as opposed to some of us … I’ve tried electronic to-do lists, I’ve tried apps, I’ve tried written to-do lists. It’s the one thing that I seem to be able to stick to, but here’s the other thing Pete.
Pete Mockaitis
Stick to! Zing.
Neen James
{Laugh]. I love being able to cross things off. I wonder if you’ve got people on the podcast who will admit that they write things on a to-do list just so they can cross them off, right?
Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. It’s the example I use in my … workshops for judging preference, yes.
Neen James           
It’s true though because we want to know something we did today mattered. If you simplify your day by what we call prioritizing your priorities into those top three not negotiables, you’ll have a much stronger chance of achieving them. Do you remember when Pete Shankman was on the show and he talked about eliminating all the choices? He has such a fantastic way of seeing the world and managing with such a fast brain that he has, but I believe too that we have to be able to get super clear on what’s important today. Otherwise, everyone will very happily take all the time and attention you want to give them but that doesn’t get you closer to your goals.
Pete Mockaitis
Understood. So Neen, I think my challenge with this is … hey, I’m looking at one right now. I’ve got a sheet and I have listed a dozen things and I feel pretty good. They’re all done. Now I’m just chatting with cool people like you for the rest of the day. I’d love to get your take on prioritization is hard, you know? Running three things is a lot harder than running thirteen things. What are some of your pro tips for … first of all, you tell me how strict is it that three is the number. Do not drift into more, or is it a little flexible? How are you thinking about it?
Neen James
For me, I feel like three is a great number that I can remember. Three is a number that I can share with someone else. Three is manageable in my day. Now I could write 23 things on the list Pete, but the challenge with that is then I become overwhelmed and we can become paralyzed with too many choices. Three things means I’ve diligently done the work in my fifteen minute appointment to identify my top three. These are the three things that are going to strategically move me closer. Sometimes, it means we may have to put something like a doctor’s appointment on that list. We might have been putting off a check-up for months and months, but we have to do it. It’s important to our health because if we don’t have good health, then obviously we’re not going to perform at work.
It might be that you’ve got to do a performance review for one of your team members. We’ve been putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. But what happens is every time we put something off, every time we ask our brain to remember something else, it’s like opening a new tab on the computer. Every time you ask your brain to do something, it opens a new tab. The brain craves completion, Pete. Every time we complete something, our brain gives us this little shot of dopamine, like a little high five from our brain, like “Yay Pete, good job.” We need more of that. We need more of that momentum of completion. Choosing three things is manageable.
Pete Mockaitis      
Momentum of completion is an excellent turn of phrase. I’m digging that. I like what you said about the doctor’s appointment. Sometimes I think when I’m setting my three things, it’s almost like the doctor’s appointment is already scheduled. I sort of know that I’m going to exit and go to there, so it almost feels like it doesn’t count in the sense that it is almost like a foregone conclusion that that is just going to occur. I almost feel like it’s cheating, or I haven’t earned that dopamine hit of completion goodness by doing such a thing. I’d love for you to set me straight in terms of what seems appropriate and sensible to put on there, because I think some things you just know you’re going to do. It’s like “I’m going to brush my teeth” or even if you have other great habits like “I know I’m just going to walk on the treadmill. I’m just going to pray. I’m just going to make a healthy lunch.” That’s awesome. Does that count? Do I get credit for that if it’s already a habit, like it’s going to happen whether I write it or not?
Neen James
I think it’s only going to get credit if it enhances a habit you have. If you’re going to walk on the treadmill and you’ve been used to walking and you like walking but you want to challenge yourself to a run, maybe what you think about is “Can I turn this walk on the treadmill into running for half a mile and see how I feel?” It’s also about being able to enhance our performance, Pete. It’s about helping every day for us to be stronger, better, to be able to have life with more excellence, with more fun, to be more thoughtful.
For example, that doctor’s example might be a routine thing you do, but what the doctor might say to you is “I need you to eat more green vegetables or I need you to get your cholesterol in check or I need you to manage your stress.” Then what you want to think about is, the thing that would go on the Post-It note maybe the next day would be “Okay, what are some stress management strategies I need to investigate? Could I invest fifteen minutes of my attention finding a new app or trying a new yoga pose or investing more time praying or in quiet time?” While I’m talking about some personal strategies, the same applies for professional strategies, but here’s the thing. Attention is personal, professional and global. The same person who goes home needs to turn up at work; we need to be the best version of ourselves. We need to be able to pay attention not only to other people, but we have to be able to pay attention to ourself.
Pete Mockaitis
I like those distinctions there in terms of what is moving you toward a meaningful goal, and then two, it’s an enhancement. It’s making you stronger as opposed to, I guess maintaining sort of status quo, habitual, how it is, the current level. It’s like you’re moving into upgrade territory. I think that’s helpful in terms of saying what counts, but I’ll maybe even back it up a little bit for you to arrive at three things that matter, you need to get some clarity on the goals, the macro objectives and priorities that are worth pursuing. What’s your take on doing that well?
Neen James
Think about it. If you’re a listener and you want to get promoted, there might be activities that are going to get you more in line with the opportunity to be promoted. For example, you may need to identify your successor. Who is the person you’re going to train and upscale, so that you could get promoted into a new role? You might have to become your own publicist and start to be able to communicate the evidence of why you’d be a great person to be promoted. Maybe you’ve got to start to enhance your skills by doing additional internal learning programs or external study.
The beauty of knowing if your goal is to get promoted at work because you’re awesome at your job, what you want to think about is what do I need to do to get promoted? What are the things that I have to improve, enhance or educate? What you can then do is put those types of things on your list. I have this saying that I want to be “Ah-mazing,” because I want to wake up every day and go “Oh, that’s amazing.” I want to be in awe and wonder on a daily basis, whether it’s serving a client, whether it’s travelling somewhere new or whether it’s looking after one of my team. Every day, I want us to think about how can we invest our attention at being even more “ah-mazing,” and in your case, awesome. How can we be more awesome at our jobs? We have to look for these things that we want to focus our attention on, because time’s going to happen whether you like it or not Pete.
You and I get the same 1,440 minutes in a day. You can’t manage time but you can manage your attention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, I’m right with you there. Final point on the three and I’ll move on. We talk about time and the minutes we have available. I want to get your take on when you establish the three, you want the momentum of completion – great turn of phrase. I’m wondering, you don’t want to be too easy in terms of “Hey, these are three important things but I’m going to knock them out in twenty minutes, bam!” You don’t want them too hard because then you don’t get that momentum of completion. It’s just not getting done, so how do you think about calibrating that well?
Neen James
I think it depends on your day. Sometimes, just the fact that we get to work out and eat a healthy meal and actually get to bed before midnight, that’s a big day for some of us. Sometimes, just getting that report to our boss or being able to answer all those e-mails or to get to every meeting on time, sometimes that feels like an achievement. While it’s hard to prescribe for people what is going to be easy or what is going to be hard, what I want you to think about is the question to yourself is “Will this make me more awesome at my job?” If it’s going to make you more awesome at your job, then I think that’s something that’s worth investing in. Will it make you more awesome as a team member? Will it make you more awesome as a partner with people you share your life with? Will it make you more awesome in your community for the people that you stand in service of, whether it’s your church, your temple, your parent teacher community, your alumni? I think with these three things, you know in your gut whether you are pushing yourself or not. Some days feel like survival and some days feel like success. You get to choose.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. When it comes to these disruptions, distractions that would take our attention away from where we want to put it, maybe you could orient us a little bit in terms of what are some of the best approaches to keep your defenses appropriately operational, so that you are not getting overwhelmed by distraction.
Neen James
I think we have to identify what the distractions are first, Pete. Some people, we feel like our devices are a distraction and for many of us, they are. It’s the notifications, it’s the phone ring or it could be just the fact that we get a little bored and so we by default go check our Facebook status instead of paying attention in a meeting. For some, distractions include our devices. For others, distractions could be that you constantly have people interrupt you in your cube or your office, where people are constantly walking in saying “Do you have a second? Do you have a minute?” There’s never a second and there’s never a minute.
Other distractions can be ourself. We can be sometimes the worst at managing our own attention, because we open up a website and then that takes us to another website which takes us to another website, and then twenty minutes have gone by and we’ve achieved nothing.
So, distractions can come in the form of technology. They can come in the form of our own head traffic, some of our fears, concerns and stressors. The first thing we need to do is identify what those distractions are and then look to how to eliminate them. What I tend to use is some of my favorite tools. For example, one of my favorite apps is called Freedom. Freedom is an app that I can install on all of my Mac and my iPhone, which is a website blocking app, which means if I’m trying to get very dedicated focused amount of activity done or I’m writing a proposal or I’m preparing a keynote speech, it literally blocks me out of websites. It’s really powerful because you can set it up for short or long periods of time. I love using tools like that that will help me stay very focused.
I also have an actual cover on my phone. What I realized was, sometimes just seeing that something’s happening on my phone was enough of a distraction so I got an actual cover which covers the screen. There are little ways that you can become much more diligent in the way you manage your distractions – turning off every notification, closing windows you’re not really using, being able to cover devices, maybe leaving things like your cell phone outside the meeting room so you can pay attention in the meeting. Maybe when you’re driving, leave it in your bag or in the glove compartment so that you’re not actually tempted to check it.
We have to think about the fact that if for example we have an office, could you occasionally shut the door and then tell the team “When my door is shut, I’m trying to work on a project.” If you don’t have the luxury of an office in your particular workplace, could you use headphones in your cubicle and just say to your team “Hey if I have my headphones on, I’m just trying to get something completed.” We’ve got to start to create strategies for this continual state of distraction we live in.
Pete Mockaitis
Yes, I like that. Any pro tips for communicating that to a boss or others who think that they have the right to take your attention whenever they please?
Neen James
I think it’s a conversation. You’ve got to be a grown-up and you’ve got to say to your boss or your team member or your colleague that you really enjoy spending time with, “In order for me to be really productive, there’s occasionally times where I need to be hyper focused. My way of being hyper focused is by putting my headphones on, or booking a conference room on another floor, or coming in maybe twenty minutes later so I can sit at the local Starbucks and get my day really prioritized. But having agreements with your team and then being able to honor that, it’s kind of like a “Do Not Disturb” sign. I have done this with manufacturing clients, with pharmaceutical clients, with media clients, where they have created internal team versions of Do Not Disturb. So one of my media clients in New York, they have these little signs on the back of their chair and it’s like red and green.
If it’s red and you walk up to their chair, that’s their internal version of Do Not Disturb. One of my pharmaceutical clients has these little soft cush balls that they sit on their monitor. If you walk up to their monitor, you can see this tiny soft cush ball which is their internal Do not Distrub sign, and the team have become so good at not interrupting each other. We have to think through what’s going to work for you, what’s going to work for your team.
Pete Mockaitis
I like that so much. It reminds me of this Brazilian steakhouse with the red and the green.
Neen James
Oh yeah, exactly! Same thing.
Pete Mockaitis
Bring me delicious meat versus “No thank you, I’m satisfied for now.”
Neen James
[Laugh] I love it.
Pete Mockaitis
Very cool. It’s really fun how that does become sort of normative and folks can all respect it. I suppose they will know if they need to … if there’s a true emergency that requires an overriding of the indicator. One of my favorite things, you talk about headphones … this might be overboard but I like my Bose noise cancelling headphones and then I have earplugs on inside them.
Neen James
Oh really? That’s amazing, so no one can penetrate the sound barrier.
Pete Mockaitis
It really is. Sometimes I’ll be startled like “Ah, there you are. I had no idea.” That does happen sometimes and then it’s sort of fun. If you remove an earplug, it’s kind of like “Whoa, this guy.” For better or for worse, I don’t know what exactly the message that sends out, whether this guy’s a freak, he’s a real weirdo and/or “Whoa, that dude was focused. Maybe I should carefully think if it’s essential that I interrupt this flow state.”
Neen James
I think that we need to understand what works for us doesn’t always work for everyone else, and we need to communicate more actively about where we need to be able to focus our attention and how others can help us as well. It does require great grown-up conversations, but it will totally increase your productivity.
Pete Mockaitis
Very nice. In terms of our overall capacity to pay attention, I hear all these stats like “our attention span has shrunk from twelve seconds to eight seconds.” I still don’t quite know how that’s being measured. I want to dig into that study one of these days, but tell us what are some approaches to improve our very mental ability to pay attention?
Neen James
Let’s just start with the fact that no one actually had evidence that our attention span is shrinking. No one had evidence that when you have the attention span of a goldfish … I mean who wants to be compared to a goldfish? It’s crazy town. Every piece of research we tried to find where people were actually measuring true adult attention spans wasn’t happening. I think what happens is Pete, our attention is split.
We have to be aware that we are splitting our attention, and what that means is we have to then think about for us to really pay attention in a more profitable way, in a more productive way, in a more thoughtful way, we have to think about who’s in front of us right now and how much of our attention do they need or deserve at that point in time. What really needs our attention and what do we need to do to be able to progress that particular task, activity or conversation? And then how are we going to show people we’re paying attention? That could be the simplicity of looking someone in the eye when they’re talking. It could be the simplicity of taking notes so that you don’t forget what is being said. It might be the opportunity to ask a question to see if you really understand what the person is sharing with you. We’ve got to be able to be more diligent.
My little five year old friend gave me the best lesson in this. If anyone has a five year old listening to this, you know what it’s like to try and debate with a five year old. My friend Donovan and I were in a very heated debate and then at one point, he grabbed up to me. He was so annoyed. He and I were kind of discussing something. He thought I wasn’t paying attention to him. He jumped up to meet me. He grabbed my tiny face in his tiny little hands, he turned it towards him and he said “Me, listen with your eyes.” He was five years old. That wisdom from a child has totally changed the way that I pay attention, where we have to show people we’re listening with our eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. I’d love for you to expand upon that. I guess that means that you’re looking at them and not sort of trailing off, and what else in extremely specific tactical terms?
Neen James
One of the things we found was there were a couple of studies that were done where people were experimenting with a device on the table, and whether people trusted you if you had your device on the table, whether they felt like they were being valued. It was interesting in all these different research studies that we were looking at, that people often trust you less, that they feel less important with you if they can see your device. What they’re thinking is, there’s someone else who needs your attention or you’re going to default to your device instead of paying attention in that conversation.
So we need to think about all of the things that potentially pull on our attention too, whether it is maybe people working in an open plan office, so there’s constant noise and smells and sounds and laughter and music and conversations all around us. Maybe it is when we’re meeting with someone, what’s happening in the conference room as far as if we’re letting someone dial in. Do they really get our attention? Do we include them? Do we involve them? Listening with our eyes is not just the physical act of looking someone in the eye, but in a virtual world we also have to think about when we reply to an email Pete, do we really answer the question or the concern that was addressed? Do we truly listen to the webinar?
Do we listen in on the teleconference and provide an answer at the appropriate time? When you think about how much we don’t pay attention, it’s fascinating. I think we live in a time where we are paying attention, but just not paying attention to the right people, the right things, the right way.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. I think that really gets you thinking in terms of just being intentional then with regard to … I think about these teleconferences where folks are not paying attention and you’re advocating to pay full attention. That makes me think, maybe these teleconferences I shouldn’t be in the first place.
Neen James
Yes, sometimes it means declining a meeting. Sometimes that’s the best use of your attention. In the book, we talk about intentional attention. It’s the choices we make and the actions we take. I use the word leader, whether you are yourself personally leading a team of people or whether you are a leader. As leaders, we have a responsibility to be intentional with our attention because it’s intention that makes attention valuable.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, tell me anything else you really want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some your favorite things.
Neen James
We think we’re paying attention but we’re not, and I just want to challenge our listeners going back to those three things – can we pay attention to the right people, the right things, the right way? Use that as a filter when you catch yourself not paying attention with intention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. Now can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?
Neen James
I love when Oliver Wendell Holmes “A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.” I love that.
Pete Mockaitis
And tell me, have you found particular ideas stretched your mind a whole lot that you’d care to share here now?
Neen James
I think it probably goes to my favorite book, which is called The Thought Leaders Practice written by Matt Church who was an early mentor and now a business partner. In Thought Leaders Practice, he talks about how we can really demonstrate our ideas with visual tools and how we can position our expertise, whether we are internal corporate person or an external entrepreneur. I think for me, it’s this ability to show people what message you’re trying to share with them. I love contextual modeling and that’s something that I’ve become fascinated with.
Pete Mockaitis      
Thank you. How about a favorite study or experiment or a bit of research?
Neen James
There are so many that I was looking at for my Attention Pays book. I found it really hard to narrow it down. What I think is really important if we want to be more awesome in the way we pay attention is that we become our own study and start to study ourselves on how we’re showing up, how we’re paying attention and then seeing how we can change that.
I don’t have one particular one but I am quite fascinated with how each of us pays attention to ourselves, so maybe we become our own study.
Pete Mockaitis      
How about a favorite book?
Neen James
The Thought Leaders Practice by Matt Church. I’d probably go back to that one. That is definitely one of my favorites and it’s one that I go back to time and time and time again. The other one that I love is at the completely different end of the scale, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
Pete Mockaitis      
Yes, thank you. How about a favorite tool?
Neen James
I go back to two apps. One would be Freedom app I mentioned earlier in the interview, and the other one would be Text Expander. It is my all time favorite and I use it every day multiple times a day.
Pete Mockaitis      
Completely agree, and they were also our first sponsor so thank you Text Expander.
Neen James
Great job, they’re amazing.
Pete Mockaitis
Agreed. How about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that helps you be awesome?
Neen James
I write Thank You notes every day. I find one reason to write one Thank you note, whether it’s while I’m traveling to housekeeping, whether it’s a client that I’ve had the privilege of serving, whether it’s a barista who’s made me an amazing coffee or whether it’s someone that I really care about in my personal life. I make sure that I write one Thank You note every day.
Pete Mockaitis
Cool. How long are these thank you notes? How long does it take? Do you have a system?
Neen James
I do carry stamp stationery with me everywhere so I always have them in my bag. I always have them at my desk and I have them in my car, so the system is keep stamp stationary with you all the time.
Pete Mockaitis
This can only happen in the morning or the afternoon or evening?
Neen James
I have a deal with myself. I don’t go to bed until one’s written. Sometimes it’s a little bit messy late at night, but generally speaking they happen throughout the day.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. Is there a particular nugget, a piece that you share that tends to really resonate and connect with folks and gets quoted back to you, a Neen original piece of brilliance?
Neen James
Listen with your eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, and Neen is there a particular place where you’d like folks to learn more. If they want to get in touch, where would you point them?
Neen James
There’s only one Neen James online. If you go to NeenJames.com, you’ll find everything you need and you can follow me on social media at Neen James.
Pete Mockaitis
Do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks seeking to be awesome at their job?
Neen James
I want you to invest fifteen minutes in an appointment with yourself and I want you to try this every work day. Identify your top three not negotiable activities before your head hits the pillow that night. Try it for me for one week. I guarantee your productivity will increase.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, thank you so much for sharing this. It was fun to reconnect after some years and you’re continuing to rock and roll and make a huge difference. This was a lot of fun, thank you.
Neen James
It was a privilege. Thank you for everything you do in the world. This podcast makes such a difference to people to allow them to be awesome at their job and pay attention to what matters.

281: Making Better Decisions by Thinking in Bets with Annie Duke

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Annie Duke says: "We think that the world is a much more predictable place than it actually is."

World Series of Poker champion Annie Duke shares her insights into making better, more informed decisions in an unpredictable world.

You’ll Learn:

  1. How thinking in bets reframes your decision-making
  2. Why to distinguish between the quality and outcome of a decision
  3. Three fun rules for better decision-making groups

About Annie

Annie Duke is a woman who has leveraged her expertise in the science of smart decision making to excel at pursuits as varied as championship poker to public speaking. For two decades, Annie was one of the top poker players in the world. In 2004, she bested a field of 234 players to win her first World Series of Poker (WSOP) bracelet. The same year, she triumphed in the $2 million winner-take-all, invitation-only WSOP Tournament of Champions. In 2010, she won the prestigious NBC National Heads-Up Poker Championship. Prior to becoming a professional poker player, Annie was awarded the National Science Foundation Fellowship. Because of this fellowship, she studied Cognitive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Annie Duke Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Annie, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

Annie Duke
Well, thank you for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m so excited because I cannot think of any other guests I’ve seen on TV prior to interviewing. Well, maybe Dan Harris, the news anchor but, yeah, you and Dan, that’s it.

Annie Duke
Well, there you go.

Pete Mockaitis
It’s so great to have you here. And so tell us, I noticed when we were kind of getting situated, you mentioned that you prefer to not keep score when you’re playing tennis. What’s the backstory there?

Annie Duke
Oh. Well, so, I grew up in a family where there was a lot of competition going on. My father is a really competitive guy. He, in fact, was quite an accomplished regional amateur tennis player, lots and lots of championships. And I used to play cards with my brother and my father, and my brother was older than I was and so I didn’t do a lot of winning but I really wanted to win.

And then, obviously, when I was playing poker it’s a very competitive environment. When I retired from poker in 2012, I just, I don’t know, I started seeking out situations where it felt much more sort of win-win as opposed to zero-sum. So when I played tennis with people, although they don’t always comply, I ask not to keep score.

I mean, like we’ll keep score for a game because I think that’s just important because there is strategically, obviously, it really matters within a game how you’re playing, but in terms of the sort of overall score, who won or lost, I try not to focus on that too much and try to think about, “How can I improve my game strategically?”

What I usually do with anybody that I’m playing tennis with is I usually drag them to my tennis lessons because I feel like if they’re better then I get better. And the games that I play with my kids tend not be very win-lossy, so like one of our favorites is apples to apples, it’s just sort of hilarious.

Pete Mockaitis
It is. Is the card game hilarious comparisons and so, yes, I do like that.

Annie Duke
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
It’s so funny, I thought you were going to say you don’t like keeping score at tennis because it’s so weird. Was it 15 and 30 and 40? I never understood that but maybe it makes somehow to someone.

Annie Duke
I bet the French could explain it. I think that that’s where it started. That is strange. No, yeah, it’s just that I’m sort of thinking about it more as, “What can I do to improve my game regardless of whether winning or losing, it’s the person that’s across the court from me?”

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. Thank you. Well, so I’m pretty intrigued by your book called Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts. That sounds perfect for what we’re about here, sharpening universal skills for professionals. That’s a big thing that comes up a lot. So tell us, what’s sort of the main idea behind the book and what led you to write it here and now?

Annie Duke
Yeah, thanks for asking me that. So the main idea of the book is that we act like the results of our decisions and the quality of our decisions are really closely linked. So we think that the world is a much more predictable place than it actually is, and we aren’t really acknowledging how much uncertainty there is, that how much it’s the case that you can make really good decisions and have very bad outcomes, because of them you could make very, very bad decisions and have really good outcomes because of them.

And not only do we not acknowledge how much uncertainty there is in that which really stems from sort of two places. One is luck, that even if you make a perfect decision there’s still luck involved in how the future unfolds. But also hidden information is another place where there’s a lot of uncertainty, meaning there’s lots of information that’s hidden from you, there’s just lots and lots of things that we don’t know or can’t know as we’re trying to make decisions.

So decision quality is really dependent on how much are we taking into account luck but also what do we know, like what do we know as we’re trying to make that decision? And we don’t acknowledge or kind of admit to how much uncertainty there is. We’re much more sure of the things that we believe than we probably should be, and we’re much more sure about how the future will turn out than it should be.

And as the title might suggest, one of the things and ways that I think about that is to say, “Let’s start thinking about things through the frame of thinking in bets,” because when we’re challenged to a bet, what it does is it really exposes the uncertainty and whatever it is that we’ve just been challenged to bet on even something really simple.

Like if I were to say, “Citizen Kane won Best Picture,” and you said, “Wanna bet?” All of a sudden, I would step back and say, “Hold on a second, maybe I’m not so sure of that.” It exposes the uncertainty. And if we can expose the uncertainty more, we’ll be better decision-makers because it’s just more accurate to how the world is.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, Annie, that’s so good and there’s so much I want to dig into there. So you say that we should make a distinction between the quality of a decision and the outcome of a decision. That is very wise and simple and yet I think totally overlooked. Could you expand on that a little bit?

Annie Duke
Yeah, sure. So I think that we kind of – we sort of know when we talk about it in the abstract that you can have a bad outcome as a result of a good decision, and a good outcome as a result of a bad decision. So, I mean, just sort of in the abstract. If I say to you, “When you run red lights do you sometimes get through safely.” You say, “Yes,” which is obviously a good outcome.

And if I asked you if that was a good decision, you would agree, no. And if you run green lights, obviously, you can get to an accident. So, just because, you know, if you’ve been at a bar and you choose to drive after you’ve had one too many, and you get home safely, which is a good outcome, I imagine that you’ll agree with me that that doesn’t necessarily mean it was a good decision.

So in the abstract we kind of get this. The problem is that our behavior doesn’t really get this. So one of the examples that I gave in the book that I actually open the book with has to do with the 2015 Super Bowl. And Pete Carroll’s Sea Hawks, at the one-yard line, The New England Patriots, they’re down by four, it’s second down and they have one timeout.

So what happens there? It’s a very famous play. Pete Carroll has Russell Wilson throw a pass, that was someone unexpected. They were expecting him to hand off to Marshawn Lynch. He throws the pass and Malcolm Butler intercepts the pass in the end zone and, obviously, the game is over. So this is clearly a disastrous result.

But what you see is that people don’t behave as if it’s that abstraction of, “Well, did he run a red light or did he run a green light in order to get to that disastrous result?” Instead, people just announce that this is a horrible decision.

Chris Collinsworth, during the game, really, really slams the decision, and then the next day, in the headlines, it’s really not an argument about whether there was some sort of method to that madness, it’s, “Was it the worst decision in Super Bowl history or the worst decision in NFL history?” Period.

Pete Mockaitis
Those are choices.

Annie Duke
Those are the choices. So, we can get into it if you want but I would highly recommend people go read what, for example, Benjamin Morris wrote about this on Slate, to see that there’s a lot of good analysis that suggest that this actually was a pretty mathematically good decision. Bill Belichick himself, by the way, has said that he agrees that it was a good call.

The one thing I will throw out there is that the chance of an interception, over the last 15 years in the NFL, was only about 1% to 2%. In fact, in that particular situation, zero balls had been intercepted during the course of the season. So I think that we can just sort of have this jumping off point that if an interception was such a rare occurrence that that in itself suggest that maybe the decision-making couldn’t have been the worst in Super Bowl history. And yet everybody acted like it did.

Certainly, the pundits the next day, the newspapers did, most football fans agreed that this was a really terrible decision even though the chances of this really bad outcome were so low. And it seems like you could really make an argument that that was just quite unlucky. So that’s obviously a football example. But everywhere in the world, even though in the abstract we kind of understand this concept that outcome quality and decision quality are pretty loosely correlated.

We don’t act like that. We act like once we know the outcome that we can see right into the quality of the decision and that those two things are very tightly linked.

Pete Mockaitis
Understood, yeah. I think that that’s connecting. And I want to hear maybe sometimes where, so that’s a football example, maybe like in the professional world or careers or executives or business, like where this sort of conflation occurs again and again and it’s bad news.

Annie Duke
Sure. I mean, I’ll give you a variety of examples.

Pete Mockaitis
Let’s do it.

Annie Duke
Right. You hire someone and they don’t work out, “Ugh, I can’t believe. We should’ve known that was such a bad hire.” That would be an example. You launched a product and the product fails, “I should’ve known it. That was a terrible product to launch. Why did I do that? That was so ridiculous.” Here’s the opposite. You hire someone and they turn out great, “I’m so good at that.”

Pete Mockaitis
“I’m a brilliant judge of talent.”

Annie Duke
Right. “I’m a brilliant of judge of talent. You should bring me in for every hiring discussion we ever have or vice versa.” And I gave a pretty detailed example actually in the book following the football example from business, where a CEO that I was working with was really down on himself for what he thought was a horrible decision that he had made about a year prior to my working with him.

And he had just a president of one of his subsidiaries, and the subsidiary was underperforming compared to the market. “What I knew at the beginning was I fired him, and I haven’t been able to replace him and it’s been a total disaster, and it was such a bad decision to fire this president of this subsidiary.”

And I said, “Well, gosh, you haven’t given me enough information to know whether that was actually a bad decision because all you’ve told me is that it didn’t work out. So why don’t you tell me some of the things about the decision?”

And as we walked through the decision, and they were the kinds of things you might imagine. Like I asked if they had worked to identify skill gaps, if they had tried to fill the skill gaps, had they hired a coach in order to really work with the president, had they looked at the rest of the market to see whether they thought there was a good available talent pool to hire from which obviously would be important in that decision.

It turned out that not only had they done all that and thought about those consequences, but then they had actually even considered splitting the job into two so that that president could actually be sitting where their strengths were and then they could hire somebody else into where the skill gaps were. And they had decided that that actually wasn’t a good idea from morale reasons but also just financially, obviously, now you’re essentially paying for two presidents when they thought, given their experience in making high-level hires, that paying for one person would really do.

So it seemed like a really thoughtful decision that hadn’t worked out. And he’d been really beating himself up for a year, and it was affecting his future decisions because he had linked this together so tightly. So it’s a problem that we call resulting and you can see why it’s called resulting. It’s taking the quality of the results and working backwards to the quality of the decision in a way that it’s using it as too much of a signal for that.

And he had been resulting for the last year and it was really affecting his decision-making going forward and put him in a really bad place to sort of morale-wise and psychology-wise. So this is actually a really important problem to be able to sort of address.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, resulting, there is a word, you know, it sounds like a good thing when you say it, “Yeah, results are great, and the root form of that was to be also great.” But, no, no, you’re saying that is kind of a form of cognitive bias or suboptimal mental work there.

Annie Duke
Yes, exactly. You know, I think we think that when we’re results-oriented that that’s a good thing. It turns out that maybe being process-oriented would be a better thing and trying not to be as caught up in the results. And the main reason why is that when we’re analyzing a given decision we’re only analyzing that one decision.

We haven’t run Monte Carlo where we get to sort of do a computer simulation of that whoever we’ve hired or whoever we’ve decided to let go 10,000 times in order to dig down into what the actual answer might be. And it’s very hard to know just from the result whether we’re in a kind of Pete Carroll decision where a one-percenter hit, or whether we actually made a decision which 80% of the time wasn’t going to work out well so that the result was actually quite expected.

The problem is all of that is kind of hidden from view. It goes back to what I said about these two sources of uncertainty, there’s the luck element, and we don’t have a lot of control over that obviously, and then there’s this information element, you know, “What are we taking into account? What kind of information are we gathering in the process of the decision?”

And it’s hard to know after the fact where we’re supposed to sort of lay the blame for or maybe even not blame for the decision for the way that it had turned out on both sides whether it turns out well or whether it doesn’t.

Pete Mockaitis
Understood. Well, so I guess I’m wondering, in your example of the executive, it seems like he internalized something about that decision and how it turned out and what it means for him and his abilities. And so I’d like to get your take on sort of what is the optimal practices or approach to learn from your prior bets and to be sharpened and more brilliant each time you make another bet?

Annie Duke
Well, I think that the first step, I mean, there’s kind of a lot to this so let’s try to unpack it a little bit at a time because I think there’s a lot here. So let’s start with the first step is to change your thinking from viewing decisions as right or wrong in the first place. So let’s start with the idea that right and wrong are kind of a bad construct through which to look at the world.

So what do I mean by that? Well, you know, there’s some luck and there’s some skill involved in every decision and even if we make a decision that’s pretty good, maybe there’s a better decision to be made. So the second worse decision isn’t wrong. You know, it’s better than the worse decision that you could make, and the second best decision isn’t necessarily right.

And even if you make the best decision that’s available to you, in the future you might find out that there was other information that was available that could’ve even made that decision better. So once we start viewing things through this idea that we’re kind of always in this under construction or in progress phase, what happens now is that when we now get an outcome that’s either good or bad, which is another place which where maybe we can understand that outcomes aren’t 100% good or 100% bad, right, so we can do this here as well.

But once we get an outcome and we kind of know the quality of the outcome, we’re much less likely to use that to sort of make some sort of categorical claim about the decision, and rather take it as evidence or as an impetus to go in and examine the quality of the decision that we understood was in progress or under construction in the first place.

So, and I think that one of the best ways that we can see why this is valuable is in terms of beliefs. So beliefs are always informing the decisions that we make. So, I mean, if we think about the CEO, he had beliefs about what the talent pool looked like if he was going to go out and try to recruit somebody into that job as an example, right? So that would be the kind of belief that he might have.

He had beliefs about whether, after what he had done, the skill gaps that still needed to be reinforced were able to be sort of patched up for that CEO. So there’s all sorts of beliefs that inform any decision that we have. And if we view our beliefs as right and wrong as opposed to in progress, as we’re just trying to move toward an accurate model of what is actually the objective truth, then what happens is that it becomes very difficult to be open-minded to new information and also to be hungry for new information because you’re just either wrong or right.

So if you’ve got yourself in a category of right there’s nothing new to be learned and you’re not going to be open-minded to other people who might hold a different point of view because naturally they’re wrong. And if you’re wrong, you might completely reverse a belief where parts of that belief or some percentage of that belief was actually a pretty accurate view of the world.

So I like to think about wrapping that uncertainty in as the first step to trying to solve for this because then you aren’t as hungry for the answer in the first place. It’s more like, “It didn’t work out. Hmm, that’s kind of an interesting data point. I can bring that back in to look at the decision.” As opposed to, “Well, that was just terrible. I should’ve known. That was awful.” And now all of a sudden you’re just reversing something completely that shouldn’t be reversed in the first place.

So that would be the first place that I would start.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that’s interesting. So it’s not like we’re not open and shut and done with it having seen a good or bad or spectrum of optimal to slightly less optimal, you know, outcome. But rather that is sort of a starting point, “Interesting. We have one data point and we’re going to dig in further,” rather than saying, “Okay, that’s that.”

Annie Duke
Right. And I think that you can think about it this way. because in places where we really know where the luck sits, I think it becomes easier to reason around this. So we want to think about our outcomes more like we would think about the outcome of a coin flip that if you have 10,000 coin flips there’s a lot that you can say about the coin, that it will land heads 50% of the time it will land tails 50% of the time.

But if I flip a coin once, and I called tails, and it lands heads, hopefully you aren’t saying that I’m really bad at calling coins. Likewise, if I flip a coin and I call heads and it lands heads, I hope that you’re not saying that I’m really good at calling coins because it’s only one outcome. And for most of the kinds of outcomes that we have in our lives, we can’t collect 10,000 of them. We only get to have a few, a handful of them.

I mean, for some things like choosing your partner. Hopefully, you’ve only done that, you only do that once. But even so, like the craziest person it might be four times which still isn’t enough to tell very much about whether you’re actually good at that or not.

You’re generally not making 10,000 hires into the exact same position in your whole life as a, you know, if you’re in HR, that kind of thing. So we want to be careful about how much signal we’re taking from an outcome in the first place. And, again, this is a place where in the abstract people seem to be better with this. When I describe this coin flip problem, people say, “Yes, of course, it would be silly for me not to acknowledge the uncertainty in a coin flip, and to think that just because it landed heads one time or tails one time that I’m supposed to know something more than that was just luck.”

And we want to try to treat our life’s decisions and our life outcomes a little bit more like that.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, Annie, now you got my wheels turning a little bit because, you know, there is a decision that I make again and again, I’ve made about 300 times, well, 300 times in the affirmative, and that is, “Which guest comes on the show?” And you made the cut, Annie. Nice work.

Annie Duke
Well, thank you.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. And so I guess I’m thinking, “Well, hey, I am making this decision hundreds of times.” So we talked a little bit about the mindset associated with not being binary and trying to be curious and interested and to learn from it. So if you do find yourself in such a position, what are some best practices to keep getting better and better at it?

Annie Duke
Well, I think it’s to be open-minded to try to learn from what’s working and what’s not and understand that whenever you decide that it’s always going to be a working hypothesis, so that when new information comes in that doesn’t necessarily conform to your working hypothesis, that you just don’t reject it as not actually being informative.

So let me try to explain what I mean by that. So let’s say that you have guests come on the show, and you have a guest come on who does analytics. Right. Okay. And he’s a terrible guest. So you might now have a working hypothesis that people who are in analytics are terrible guests. So that’s what you don’t want to do, is say, “Well, now, I’ve just made this decision and so I’m not going to invite anybody who’s in analytics anymore because I’ve now made this hypothesis based on the one guest.”

What you want to be, as much as possible, be open-minded to what are the qualities, what are the actual qualities in the guest that actually make them great on the podcast, and what are the things that are signals that maybe they might not be such good guests. And while you might have working hypothesis about why that is, you should always be trying to do some A/B testing, right, and try to disprove yourself, number one, right?

And number two, be open-minded when someone doesn’t fit the mold that maybe you need to re-jig your model. So I think what’s important, even when you do have 300 guests because you are choosing them one at a time, is to make sure that you don’t become rigid in whatever your hypothesis is. Don’t think that the facts that you’re observing and the way that you’ve modeled it is an answer like two plus two equals four as an answer.

Again, always treat it from that standpoint of uncertainty that you have a hypothesis, a working hypothesis that is in progress and under construction so that you are much more open as you have new experiences that might inform your future choices.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. And you know what? I like that notion of being open-minded and humble because I’ve been surprised both ways, you know, of my guests, I mean, I thought that would just be smash hits in terms of his downloads, if that’s the outcome we’re measuring, and they weren’t, and those who I thought, “Okay, you know, that was a good chat. We’ll see,” who really were record-breakers. And so it’s fascinating to see, and I think that’s useful, I think just to realize, “Huh, I am wrong a lot. How about that?”

Annie Duke
Well, let me just suggest something that maybe you’re not wrong.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Thank you. There you go. I did it. I did it. I’m guilty.

Annie Duke
You did it. See? So let’s think about it this way. Maybe, given the information that you have and the past guests that you’ve had on, and the categories that you know that your audience really enjoys listening to, and the information that you had about the guest, you made literally the best decision that you could in inviting them on. And it just happened not to work out.

Because I think that you can agree that even if you have the best information, you know, the most information that you can, and a lot of experience, and you’ve accumulated a lot of experience and expertise in inviting a guest on, that it’s never 100% sure that that guest is going to be a hit. There’s always some percentage of the time that it’s just going to turn out that they aren’t what people wanted to listen to, or there wasn’t chemistry between the two of you perhaps. Maybe they were a great guest on a different podcast but it didn’t work out with you or vice versa.

And so saying, “Ooh, I was wrong.” I’m not sure that that’s constructive, instructive rather, right? Maybe it’s, “Huh, that was really interesting. Let me think if there was some sort of thing that I could’ve seen that would’ve helped me come to that conclusion.” And if there wasn’t, well, then maybe you just had bad luck.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah. Well, Annie, this is so humbling and powerful, I’m like meta in real time. It’s like we just talked about the right and wrong thing, and here I am going right there. And so I think that’s just illustrative for me and hopefully for listeners, not so much that, “Pete is a moron and who doesn’t listen.”

Annie Duke
No. No.

Pete Mockaitis
But rather, we have it really ingrained in us, this right and wrong notion. It’s just like our natural default setting.

Annie Duke
Well, I think that this brings up a really good point. So, you know, I’m listening, too, and, of course, I heard you do it, and so I said, well, maybe what you can do is if a guest doesn’t work out, instead of saying that you were wrong, try to figure out if there was something more that you could’ve found out about them that would’ve helped you to have predict it, right? So try to sort of figure out what you could’ve learned from that experience as opposed to calling yourself wrong.

Now I don’t know for sure but you may catch me saying wrong or right as well. And the reason is that this stuff is really hard. Just as you said, we’re sort of hardwired into this very black and white thinking, we’re very hardwired to connect outcomes to decision quality, to declare ourselves or somebody else wrong, or ourselves or somebody else right. And it’s really, really hard to overcome particularly on your own. It’s hard to spot in ourselves.

The good news is, and this is sort of again getting down and to digging down into that question you asked about, “How can we help make this better?” is that we’re pretty good at spotting it in other people. So it’s not surprising that I spotted it in you. It’s easy to see that. If I had made the same declaration, “Oh, well, I’m wrong all the time.” You’d say, “But wait a minute, Annie, you just said why you’re thinking about things as right and wrong?” because you would’ve spotted in me immediately as well.

So that’s the hint is that on your own it’s very hard to overcome these biases. The science is pretty strong on that that it’s hard to overcome on your own. But in groups, now that’s a different story. In groups we can really help each other out because we can watch each other’s information processing and decision-making facts, let’s put it that way.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. So when it comes to groups do you have a couple of tips on best practices to leverage that well? Because I guess group think can still happen where don’t need any of that benefit.

Annie Duke
Yeah, so we definitely want to be careful of creating a situation where the group is essentially ourselves on steroids.

Pete Mockaitis
You’re so smart, Annie. I love every idea you have.

Annie Duke
Thank you. But that’s kind of, we know, gosh, I mean, in looking at what’s happening in politics right now, we know that that is our natural tendency is to kind of go to this confirmatory style of thought. So it does take some intention on the group’s part.

So here’s number one. Make sure there’s three of you at least not two. And the reason why you want three of you at least not two, is that, I’m going to steal this from Phil Tetlock who wrote an amazing book called Superforecasting which I would highly recommend to anybody. You want two to disagree and one to referee. So it’s very helpful to have a referee involved. So try to get three. If you can get more that’s better.

And then what you want to do is actually explicitly make an agreement with the people in the group that you are going to interact with each other in a way that actually goes against what the normal, the kind of social norms are, the way that we normally interact with each other.

So normally we sort of want to be team players and we want to build consensus and we want to be agreeable, right? We want to be people who aren’t the naysayers. And, obviously, when we do that, that creates this kind of, that’s much more likely to create this kind of echo chamber-y group think kind of thing going on.

So here’s what I suggest is. As an agreement within the group, you agree to three things. Thing number one is that your goal is going to be accuracy. Now, what does that mean? That you are saying, “As a group we’re going to help each other to work on the focus being less about being right and more about being accurate.” What’s the difference between the two because they sound obviously the same?

We can think about being right as, “I have these beliefs, I think that the world is a certain way and I’m going to reason about the world in a way that’s just going to confirm what I already believe.” So you can think about it this way. Like if you have a very strongly held political belief that you’re noticing all sorts of things that conform with the beliefs that you have, you tend to be reading news sources, or watching television channels, news stations that already agree with you. So your views are being reinforced.

And then on the flipside, you’re not actually noticing or seeking out information that disagrees with you. And if you’re confronted with the information that disagrees with you, you’re pretty good at trying to discredit it.

Pete Mockaitis
“Now, that research was funded by, you know, someone who is biased so we can’t trust it.”

Annie Duke
Exactly.

Pete Mockaitis
“I’m going to dismiss it wholeheartedly.”

Annie Duke
Right. Or, “I know this person is really biased in their thinking so, clearly, they’re not telling me the whole story.” And what is that? That’s really saying, “Well, that person disagrees with me so I’m just going to say that their opinion is invaluable because of that.”

And this is the way that we tend to process the world, right? So if you’re on the Liberal side of the aisle you tend to be watching MSNBC. If you’re on the very Conservative side of the aisle, you tend to be watching FOX News, and that’s kind of where you stay. And if you did go and take a peek at MSNBC, you would figure out all the ways that what they were saying was biased, and if you did go to take a peek at FOX News, you would figure out all the reasons why what they were saying was biased. And that’s just kind of the way we process the world.

And it’s true certainly outside of politics as well. When we have a particular strategy about how we think that marketing should be done, people who don’t think the same thing as us we tend to be very dismissive about. And vice versa, we think they’re wrong. So we aren’t very open-minded to things that don’t conform with the beliefs that we already have. So that’s reasoning about the world to be right.

The reason why someone who’s Liberal is watching MSNBC is because they want to hear that they’re right. The reason why someone who’s Conservative is watching FOX is because they want to hear that they’re right. So that’s reasoning about the world to be right.

Reasoning about the world in a way that’s trying to be accurate means we’re going to acknowledge. So let’s say we’re in a group together and we’re trying to form this agreement. We’re going to acknowledge that there is some sort of objective reality, there’s objective truth, and that we’re both trying to work together to construct the most accurate view of what that objective truth is.

Now, we could think about this if we go back to this idea of thinking in bets. When we think in bets, when we create that consequence, that downside consequence to having a belief that is not accurate, it focuses in on the accuracy piece. Because the person who wins in a bet, if we’re betting against each other, the person who has the most accurate view of the world, beliefs about the world, is going to win against the person who just wants to believe that the things that they believe are true.

So what happens is that, like if I were to announce, “Citizen Kane won Best Picture,” and you said to me, “Do you want to bet?” It forces me to focus on the uncertainty, it forces me to focus on what I don’t know, “What do you know that I don’t know? Why might be I wrong?” And those are all questions that have to do with accuracy. “Is this view accurate?” And it forces me to pull out Google.

So that’s the first thing that we’re going to agree to in the group is that if I hear you reasoning a way where I think you’re just reasoning to be right, or you’re being overly critical of views that disagree with you, or too accepting of things that you read or say or hear that do agree with you, I’m going to call you on it, and I’m going to say, “Hey, why might you be wrong? Like, why do you think maybe you might be biased?” So we’re going to have a commitment to accuracy. That’s number one.

Number two is we’re going to be really tolerant of diverse viewpoints. So when we’re going to seek out sources of information that disagree with us, we’re going to agree to discuss them. if you disagree with me, I am not going to dismiss you. I’m going to work my best to not be defensive when I hear it, and I’m going to try to figure out what it is that you might be right about that I hadn’t considered.

What are the things that will help me construct a better view of the world? And that doesn’t mean that if I have some beliefs that disagrees with you that I go from 100% sure of that belief to 0% sure of that belief because you happen to disagree with me. And maybe that I was 80% sure that my belief was accurate, and now because of things that I’ve talked to you about, I’m now 72% sure. I’ve just moderated the belief in some way, which is most of what you’re going to do.

So you try to allow dissent into the equation and you agree that dissent is going to be okay in the group that just because I disagree with you doesn’t mean I don’t like you. And, in fact, that my disagreement with you is helpful to you because it’s going to help you to create an accurate view of the world. So we have accuracy and dissent. And then here’s the third piece that is really important. We’re going to hold each other accountable to visiting in that way.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Annie Duke
So you know that if I hear you say something that’s biased, or if I hear you say, “Wow, I had this guest on and they were terrible. I was so wrong to invite them,” then I’m going to call you on it, and I’m going to say, “Well, are you sure that you should be thinking about that as wrong?” And that’s going to be okay and I’m going to hold you accountable to that kind of thought.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that is powerful. I love it. And like when you put it in those terms, in terms of we’re going to establish this agreement upfront, we’re going to kind of – it’s like a pact or an alliance that we’ve designed, this is how we work, how we roll here. It seems like it almost turns the whole thing into a fun game as opposed to – it just kind of removes the whole lot of like the tension and the politicking and the jockeying for approval. It’s like that we’re all just playing a game called, “Let’s get super accurate and sort of have fun with it,” you know.

Annie Duke
So I love that you framed it that way. You’re a man after my own heart with that because I think that it gets down to kind of what the secret sauce is here, and I think that you’ve really pinpointed it in a really great way.

So why is it that we want to affirm the things that we already believe? Why is it that we reason that way in the first place? Well, the things that we believe, these beliefs that we have are really the fabric of our identity. And as we sort of look over the history of our lives, and this is a lot of the way that Daniel Kahneman really thinks about this. Another book recommendation that I would give is Thinking Fast and Slow. I think it’s a great overview of this kind of where biases and heuristics get in our way.

But he really talks about it through this lens of we want to have a positive self-narrative. We want to think that we’re smart and we’re competent and we’re good actors and we’re good people. And a lot of that means that we want to feel that the things that are part of our identity are right, that we weren’t wrong about stuff. That doesn’t feel good, it feels like a downgrade in our self-narrative.

So a lot of what’s driving this information processing and the way we process information is because we want to feel good about ourselves. We just kind of want to feed our ego. And the way that we’re sort of feeding our ego and feeling good about ourselves, getting that positive update to our self-image is like, “Oh, yeah, that thing I believe was totally right.” And that makes us feel really good.

So what the group does, because it forms this, it creates a different goal to the game. Like now the goal is, “I want to be the best mistake admitter, because if I go to you and I say, ‘Oh, I really think I messed this decision up. Let’s talk about it,’” that’s when you, because we have this agreement, your face is going to light up and you’re going to give me all sorts of social approval for doing that because you’re going to recognize that I am executing on our charter in the best possible way.

In a way that’s so much better than me coming up to you and saying, “I made this brilliant decision. Let me tell you all about it.” And you’re going to be like, “Oh, that’s not really part of the charter.” Right? But if I go to you and I say, “Man, I really think I made a mistake,” you’re going to be like, “Yes, let’s totally talk about that,” and that’s now going to be what makes me feel good. So it shifts what the rules of the game is. It’s like how are you keeping score? How do you get a point?

The way we come into the world is I get points for just like, “Oh, that thing I believed is really true and I’m so smart.” Once we form this group and we work together, now I get points for mistake admitting, and credit giving, and belief calibration, and changing my mind. That’s now what I get points for, and that’s what I feel good about, that’s now what contributes to my narrative.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, this is powerful. This is transformative stuff. Thank you. I’ve actually a couple of things I want to touch before we have to conclude or hear about your favorite things. And so one of them is intuition.

Annie Duke
Sure.

Pete Mockaitis
We talked a lot about being rationale and collecting data and refining and being predictively accurate. Well, you know, you are a World Series, a Poker Champion. I imagine you’ve relied on your gut a time or two in gaining this accomplishment. How shall we be thinking about intuition and to the extent we can trust it and play that game?

Annie Duke
Sure. So the way that I think about intuition is that intuition is an incredibly useful tool but it should never be a reason for doing something. So let me explain what I mean. A lot of the decisions that we make actually have to rely on intuition because you don’t have time to map out some kind of probably realistic decision tree.

Here’s an example of a time it’d be really good to use intuition. You’re driving along the road and a deer jumps in front of your car. I hope you’re not taking a whole lot of time to think about it, and you’re just using your gut to figure out what you’re supposed to do there. But, certainly, at the poker table you have to make a lot of quick decisions.

You’re in a sales meeting and you sense that it’s going south and so you make a judgment call right in that moment that may be off script in order to get it back on track, right? And that’s really, really important. Like we need our intuition for a lot of decisions because we just don’t have time in order to actually go through a deliberative process for a lot of the kinds of things that we have to decide, so let’s be very thankful for intuition.

However, what’s really, really important, I think, is to make sure that intuition gets held accountable to a deliberative process in the same way that I want to be held accountable to you. So that means that when you ask me later, “What was it? Why did you change strategy in the sales meeting?” You should not accept from me as an explanation, “My gut told me so.” That’s not enough of an explanation, right? That’s just a cop-out.

I should be able to tell you what was it that I saw or felt that made me think that I needed to change course, because if I can’t properly explain that decision to another person such that they could understand it and execute it itself, themselves rather, then I should be questioning the intuitive response itself.

So I need to be able to explain to you after the fact, “Well, now that I think about it, you know, this is what I saw and this was what his body language was,” or, “This is what she seemed to be doing where it felt to me like she was about to let the deal break,” or whatever it might be, like I should be able to explain that to you in retrospect. And if I can’t, if the only thing that I can tell you is my gut told me so, then I should go in and re-examine my intuition.

Because let’s think about what intuition is in the first place. Intuition is like the whole of your life experience informing some sort of a gut reaction that isn’t being driven by a conscious process but it’s certainly being informed by all your past experiences. So what I want to do then is make that accountable to a deliberative process so I know, so I can create a new experience to then further inform and refine my intuitive or gut response.

One of the best ways to get intuition to line up is actually to teach, and that’s sort of what I’m asking somebody to do there. If I’m explaining, if you’re demanding from me that I explain why I did what I did, you’re asking me to teach you why I did it. And I could tell you from poker that I started teaching poker in seminars sometime around like, I want to say, 2004 or so.

And when I started teaching, my game really changed. All these things that I’ve been doing intuitively that, you know, I’ve been working okay for me, but I hadn’t really thought about it in any kind of explicit way. As I went to try to teach them in a seminar, there was a certain set of those things which I realized, “Oh, I can’t actually really justify that. I can’t really explain that very well to these people so that they could go do it themselves.”

And then I went in and re-thought what my gut feeling was about what I was supposed to do in those situations, then I realized there was actually a much better answer, and my game ended up changing for the better through that teaching process and it was because I was refining my intuitive or gut responses.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, well said. Well said. And I’m intrigued, this is like a smidge off topic, but like when it comes to body language or tells or, I guess, that’s a whole another episode.

Annie Duke
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
You know, is there anything that you think that we humans pick up on a lot from other people and that’s totally valid and we should just, you know, articulate it explicitly and say, “Yeah, that’s real and that counts”?

Annie Duke
Well, you know, so there are a lot of things. I would highly recommend people go and look up a guy named Joe Navarro on Amazon.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, yeah, What Every Body is Saying.

Annie Duke
Exactly. You will find a lot of stuff about body language in there that is going to be articulated much better than I ever could. He is brilliant and it’s an amazing book if people should just go pick it up. But, you know, there’s lots of things that have to do with – I mean, we’re pretty good at spotting deception in general.

Sometimes we talk ourselves out of it because we want to believe and we want to trust but I think that the signals are pretty strong for those kinds of things. You know, spotting discomfort, spotting openness. When somebody is really open in a conversation I think that it’s very easy to spot. In fact, it’s really interesting. The next time you’re in a restaurant and you see people who are clearly like on a date, you should be able to tell pretty quickly whether the date is going well or not by whether they’re leaning into each other or not. So that would be a really strong sign of comfort for example.

So I think that we’re pretty good in understanding these things, and you can understand from an evolutionary standpoint why that might be. You know, we need to know whether someone is an enemy or whether someone is about to attack us, or whether somebody is a friend. And so I think that these signals can be very strong and we can train ourselves to really pick up on them which is incredibly helpful obviously. So go read Joe Navarro. He’s much better at that stuff than I am.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Thank you. And I also want to get your take, you know, we talked a lot about uncertainty and sort of probabilities and refining the model as you kind of learn more and integrate that. So I think that, at the same time, you know, there is an irrational force called fear. We’re just like fundamentally uncomfortable with uncertainty even though it’s all around us, it’s there. We don’t like it and we sort of the devil you know versus the devil you don’t, a lot of us will default to the devil you know. So any pro tips on kind of pushing past fear or getting comfortable with uncertainty?

Annie Duke
Yeah, what I would say is that I think that the more that you actually write down the decision and the process and get other people involved with it, so work through these decisions that you’re afraid of because of the uncertainty on the other end. Really map it out, you know, “There is decision A that I can do, there’s decision B, there’s decision C. I’ve got to choose among these three. Let me really think about decision A and what the scenarios are that I think might result from decision A.”

Really think about it not just by how might it work out but really dig into that how might it go wrong piece. Get those scenarios setup, take a stab at what the probability of each of the outcomes is, and just take a stab at it. You’re not going to be perfect but taking a stab is better than pretending like it’s 0% or 100%. I mean, it might just be a range, “Well, I think this will happen 30% to 50% of the time. Well, that’s okay because that’s better than 0% to 100% at a time.”

And it starts to get you to be comfortable with that uncertainty. So do that for each of the decisions with other people. Write all of that down. Look across that. Decide which decision you think is best. And realize that no decision is still a decision so you better map that one out, right? So you better map out sticking with the status quo, “And what do I think the outcomes are from sticking with the status quo?” And treat it as if it’s a new decision. That’s a big mindset shift.

Because I think that one thing that causes people to stick with the status quo is they aren’t treating it like a new decision. So if they’re not thinking about it as a decision, then if it doesn’t work out it’s like, “Well, I didn’t decide for it not to work out. That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do that.” But treat it like it’s a new decision.

Now, memorialize all of that, figure out what you’re going to do, and take that and put it on a whiteboard, and just leave it there with all of the probabilities that go along with it because now whatever way that decision turns out, it’s up on the board. You’ve already thought about that in advance. And I think that’s the best way to start getting comfortable with it and it’s really just ripped from the pages of the poker world.

When I make a bet, I understand that there is some chance that you call, there’s some chance that you raise, or some chance that you fold. And, hopefully, I’m making decisions that are going to get me the best outcomes in the long run but I know I’m going to lose a lot of the hands. I have that kind of wrapped into the decision process upfront because I’m considering those scenarios in the first place.

And I think that’s what allows you to get it. In a weird sense, being afraid of uncertainty comes from not facing it down. But if you just go ahead and face it down you won’t be so afraid of it.

Pete Mockaitis
I love it. Cool. Well, Annie, tell me, anything else you really want to make sure to highlight before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things here?

Annie Duke
No, I think we’ve covered a lot. I mean, I’ve really enjoyed the conversation. I think we’ve gotten to a lot of great places.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, me too. Thank you. Well, I’m going to be chewing on this in the future, I’m sure. So, for now, can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Annie Duke
Yes, so I find that my favorite quotes tend to change like weekly, and it kind of depends on what I’m sort of thinking about at the time. I got this quote, I’ve actually been thinking about this quote this week which is from Heinz von Foerster, which is, you know, an obscure person, the quote is, “Objectivity is the delusion that observations could be made without an observer.”

And I’m really loving that quote because I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how people use data to make their case rather than to find the truth as if data is somehow some objective thing that exists in the world independent of human beings, you know, collecting it, analyzing it, interpreting it. So this is something that’s been on my mind a lot.

It’s actually in my newsletter this week because I’ve been thinking about it, and so I found this quote, and so this quote is my favorite quote right now and it will be different than my favorite quote likely in a week or two. But that’s what it is right now.

Pete Mockaitis
Thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Annie Duke
So it depends on what category. You know I have this trouble when people ask me for my favorite movie as well because there’s a lot of them. So I have favorite books that are like Animal Farm and Catch-22 and Lolita, books that are kind of in that fiction category that are these really, you know, Slaugtherhouse Five is another one, that are books that I read when I was young that had humongous impact on me. And I still consider those among my favorite books.

And then there are books that I sort of put in the category of things that I think about in my intellectual sort of the work that I do and in the decision-making world, and those kinds of books are things like Thinking Fast and Slow or Predictably Irrational or Superforecasting or The Power of Habit. And you can go lots of places if you just start with those four. They’ll lead you into a web of thinking about things in this space.

So it’s always hard for me to choose because I really think about things in different categories and what part of my soul they’re informing or feeding, I guess.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, we’ll take them all and link them all. Thank you.

Annie Duke
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
And how about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours?

Annie Duke
So I would say that one of my favorite personal practices is that I really do, as a practice, try to shut everything down by dinnertime in terms of my work life. I am really, really committed to time with my family and time with my partner, and it’s important that I get to spend as much time with him as possible and as much time with my kids as possible.

And I think it’s really easy to lose that balance if you don’t set really strict guidelines around it. So once it’s time for me to start making dinner, it’s family dinner, and no work after that. As much as I possibly can. Now, it bleeds in a little bit but I would say that just setting that in motion makes it happen so much less because I have to kind of break a contract with myself so it needs to be really, really pressing and really important for me to allow that to happen. And I think that the interesting thing is because I do that I think I actually get more done rather than less.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. Thank you. And, tell me, when you’re sort of teaching some of your area of knowledge here, is there a piece that really seems to kind of resonate and get folks nodding their heads and agreeing and quoting yourself back to you?

Annie Duke
I’m going to paraphrase myself here because I don’t have the exact quote in front of me but it’s something that I said in a piece for Nautilus that I have said elsewhere, and this is the thing that I’ve seen quoted back the most, which is, “We should spend much less lot time blaming ourselves from bad outcomes but also much less time patting ourselves on the back so hard for the good ones.”

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. And, Annie, if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Annie Duke
So a couple of places. One is I’m very active on Twitter so you can see me at @annieduke on Twitter. I post lots of content there. I have a website annieduke.com where if people want to hire me or just get in touch with me there’s a Contact form there, and I see all of that and I’m happy to respond to any hiring request or just a question, if you have a question go there.

You can also find archives of my newsletter on there. And if you like it, you can subscribe to my newsletter on my website. My newsletter comes into your inbox every Friday and it’s really kind of discussing these issues as they apply to things that are actually happening in current events either in the political world or the business world or in science.

So it’s a way to kind of get an idea of how to apply these kinds of concepts and ideas and practices in the real world. Plus, I always put a fun visual illusion in there too because I’m a big fan. So those are the best ways to get in contact with me.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, cool. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for those seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Annie Duke
Yes, I do. My call to action is that people go and look at whatever their social media feed is that their favorite, either their news feed, their Google news feed, their Twitter feed, whatever it might be, wherever you’re getting your news, and go look and see if it’s balanced. Try to figure out, “Am I only on one side of the aisle here mainly?”

And really, really try to make sure it’s 50-50 and read from both sides of the aisle not with the intention of reading from that side of the aisle that you are not on to see why they’re so wrong. But try to make it so that you are really focused on trying to change your mind about one thing every day.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, perfect. Well, Annie, thank you so much for this. This is powerful stuff and I’m looking forward to, hopefully, having more and more great outcomes from great decisions but not, you know, directly ascribing one is the result of the other, and falling for some of those errors. So this was a ton of fun and I wish you lots of luck in all you’re up to.

Annie Duke
All right. Well, thank you very much for having me on. I really enjoyed it.

267: Managing Self-Doubt to Tackle Bigger Challenges with Tara Mohr

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Tara Mohr says: "Playing big is being more loyal to your dreams than your fears."

Tara Mohr offers deep insight into how our fears and inner critic operate–and how to optimally respond.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The key drivers behind fear and self-doubt
  2. A handy Hebrew distinction for thinking about fear
  3. How to consult your inner critic–and inner mentor–wisely

About Tara

Tara Mohr is an expert on leadership and well-being. She helps people play bigger in sharing their voices and bringing forward their ideas in work and in life. Tara is the author of Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead, named a best book of the year by Apple’s iBooks and now in paperback. In the book, she shares her pioneering model for making the journey from playing small–being held back by fear and self-doubt–to playing big, taking bold action to pursue what you see as your callings.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Tara Mohr Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Tara, thanks so much for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Tara Mohr

Thanks for having me.

Pete Mockaitis

Now, I learned something fun what about you, which is that as a child your dreams were analyzed each morning with your parents along with breakfast. What’s the story here?

Tara Mohr

Yeah, I think I was very fortunate to grow up with a mom who was very interested in psychology and self-improvement, and believed she could start conversations about those things with me as a young child. And so, at a very young age she would say, “Did you have a dream last night?”, and then she would ask me about it and she would explain to me that the different characters in the dream could be different parts of myself, or they were symbols. And she would get out a yellow pad and we would diagram it, and she talked to me about architypes. And that’s how I grew up; that was just one example of how she brought the kind of conversation you have on this podcast. I was really lucky to grow up with that as an everyday matter in my house.

Pete Mockaitis

That is so cool. Tara, last night I dreamt that I got shot by a gun twice in different places. One was in just a value priced hotel, and the other was in my childhood home, recovering from the first gun shot.

Tara Mohr

Okay, that’s very interesting. We could really dive into that. And how did you feel in the dream after that?

Pete Mockaitis

Well, I didn’t like it. Actually I woke up at 4:30 am against my will, and I was a little riled up. It took a while to calm down and fall back asleep.

Tara Mohr

Yeah. Have you ever heard the Buddhist phase “the second arrow”? Have you heard that?

Pete Mockaitis

Ooh, no. Tell me about it.

Tara Mohr

So it sounds very much related to what happened in your dream. So there’s this idea of, in life there are things that wound us, or there are feelings we have that are hurt, and that’s the first arrow. But then we often impose the second arrow of our reaction or the story that we make up about what happened, or the shame or guilt we have, or the self-judgments we have for having the feelings we have. So, that whole idea of being shot twice is interesting, and of course I would ask did something that hurt or wounded you, and then you went back in your literal childhood home or kind of in your family self? Was there something in the recovery process that wounded you further? That would be the first place I would look.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, nothing is leaping to mind, but I’ll definitely chew on that and see what happens as I explore, because we could spend a full conversation on that alone.

Tara Mohr

We could. And that’s actually dream interpretation, although part of my childhood is really not the center of my work now.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, tell us about your most recent book – Playing Big. What’s the main idea here and why is it important?

Tara Mohr

Yeah. Well, I found when I went into the working world, I had come out of graduate school, I had had the benefit of a good education, I was an academically-oriented and achievement-oriented person, and I was very surprised to find that I didn’t feel confident in those first years in the working world, I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my ideas or my voice, and I also wasn’t really going for what I really wanted with my career. I was kind of in a job that was fine but not great, but didn’t really relate to the creative dreams or the entrepreneurial dreams that I had for myself.
And I was really curious about why I was getting so stuck around that. And then I knew I wanted to do work in the personal growth world, partly informed by how I grew up, and I got trained as a coach and I started coaching people just in the early mornings before I would go to work, or sometimes in the evenings, on the weekends, around my regular job. And I saw again and again actually at all stages of career my clients grappling with the same thing – self-doubt, not trusting their ideas and their voice, not really going for what they really wanted to do and believing there was some reason they couldn’t.
And I got really interested in this question of why do we play small and how can we play bigger? And my definition of playing big is it’s being more loyal to your dreams than your fears. So it’s whatever that means to you. It’s not necessarily anything that would look “big” in the eyes of the world, but you know it’s the real challenge, the real work for you to live that life or do that work. It’s an individual matter of discernment. And so I started to make that the focus of my coaching practice – how can people play bigger in that way, what are the tools and ideas that help us?
And I found there really were a set of things that made a transformational impact. And so that became kind of an arc that I would take my clients through, and then I started teaching large groups that all around the world, and then it became the topic of the book. And now for 10 years of really being immersed in working with people around defining what “playing big” means for them, and then most importantly doing the day-to-day practices and work to bring that vision into reality.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, cool. Well, I like that simple distinction then – more so about your dreams than your fears. And it really kind of puts into focus in a hurry, in terms of what’s my thinking right now, the patterns, who’s sort of got the upper hand. And so, I’d love to get your view then, when it comes to these fears or lack of confidence and self-doubt, what are some of the key drivers behind it? Why is that there and what should be done about it?

Tara Mohr

Yeah. Well, I think that we all have a very strong safety instinct inside of us. And the safety instinct is a primal part of us that is a very deep part of our wiring to be on the lookout for any possible danger or threat, and make sure that we avoid it or we fight it, right? And our fight or flight instinct is there to make sure that if we see any possible risk to our survival, we go into fight or flight mode and we make sure we’re conquering in some way, or we’re avoiding.
And what we know now is that in our contemporary lives that same safety instinct gets misapplied to the emotional risks in our life. So, the safety instinct that should be very conservative and over-reactive if it’s trying to ensure the physical survival of people who are threatened by lots of predators or warring tribes or poisons, as our predecessors were – that instinct is now operating when we face everyday risks, like the risk of failure, the risk of feeling really uncomfortable, the risk of worrying.
We might feel like a beginner or feel clueless or be embarrassed or do something that really rocks the boat among our friends and family. And that safety instinct then tries to do everything it can to get us to stay in the comfort zone of the known or the familiar, and that includes making up a lot of narratives that feel believable but then aren’t true, like, “You aren’t qualified for that. Who do you think you are? You’re not enough of an expert in that. There’s too many other people doing that.” All those inner critic narratives we hear are really manifestations of the safety Instinct.
And the good news about that is it means that our inner critic is not going anywhere. And I know you have many listeners who are a little bit more in the earlier phases of their careers, and I think it’s so game-changing to understand early that confidence doesn’t actually come in an enduring way with experience.
There was just a study done through KPMG that looked at confidence levels among professional women, and they looked at how many women early in their career would say they’re confident, and then how many executive-level women, senior women, would say they feel confident in their work. And the difference between those two groups was only about 10%, in terms of how many indicated they were confident.
In other words, experience didn’t change it, because when you get into a new senior role – sure, you’re more confident about some things that you did a long time ago and you’ve been doing for a long time, but you have a new edge, and the voice of the inner critic and self-doubt comes up again because that safety instinct is perceiving more emotional risk, no matter what the situation. And so we’re really not looking to get rid of the inner critic or find some unfailing sense of confidence. The “playing big” process is in part about learning how do you hear your inner critic, let it be there, know it’s always going to be there when you’re doing important work, and just not take direction from it.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, thank you. So that is powerful, to assimilate that really inside your psyche there. The inner critic, as you said, it doesn’t go away – the KPMG study is pointing to that. And in a way, that kind of unmasks everything.

Tara Mohr

It does. And there are so many lies we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves, “Well, when I get to this stage in my career, then I’m going to feel confident.” We also tell ourselves, “If I get that additional certification or degree, then these uncomfortable feelings of self-doubt or uncertainty or fear will go away.” We tell ourselves, “If my weight changes and it’s this amount, then I’m going to feel confident getting up and sharing my point of view in front of a group.”
We fill a lot of things into that blank, and what we’re really doing there is making it convenient for ourselves to put risks on hold, put playing bigger on hold, put really stepping into our gifts and using our natural talents and gifts more, which is actually a very vulnerable thing – put that on hold thinking something is going to come along that’s going to bring confidence. But it doesn’t. And what we want to do is really learn to work effectively, live effectively with the voice of self-doubt, letting it be there but not taking direction from it, not letting it make our decisions.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s so powerful. And so then the implication is that you’re going to feel some lack of confidence and some self-doubt till the day you die, right?

Tara Mohr

Hopefully, right? And I say “hopefully” because it comes up most strongly when you are on the edge of your comfort zone. So for those who might be sitting there right now thinking, “I don’t really hear my inner critic that much”, I would ask you two things. One – make sure you’re looking across all areas of your life, because sometimes people think, “I’ve kind of got it down at work”, but then they’ll realize, “Oh my gosh, in my dating life, or in my parenting, or my body image” or, “I’d love to play music again but I have that voice in my head saying…” So look across all areas of your life.
But second – notice where that lack of inner critic is just kind of a dead-end part of your life, where you are not pushing yourself to an edge, you’re not doing what really matters to you, you’re not being loyal to those dreams. The inner critic will come up when there’s vulnerability, and so if you’re doing something that is 100% in your comfort zone and routine to you and not very important to you, you might not hear it, but that’s not a good thing.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, I’m with you there. And so then, I also want to get your view – now, there’s a bit of a postponement factor – the way that the inner critic can sound, in terms of, “Hey, if this changes – if I lost the weight, if I got the certification, if I had a certain preparation – then I would feel confident.” And so now, for the most part that seems like that is often a lie. It is a deception that is destructive, but at the same time there are times in which no, you really are not prepared for that opportunity or that dream that you’re thinking about, and some action, some preparation is necessary to get there. So, I’d love your view on, how could we prudently discern the difference, and what’s a wise means of thinking through that, so that you get the valid prep steps done but you don’t delay yourself till it never happens?

Tara Mohr

Yeah, yeah, and it’s so funny that you are asking that specific question, because I just got off of our course call and we were exactly talking about this piece today. So there’s a few things I’d offer around that. One is, pay attention to the evidence that you’re getting from the world. Are you getting clear repeated information from the stakeholders that matter to you, that you need more preparation? In other words, maybe you want to offer a support group for moms, and you do a trial day where you invite a few moms in your community to come together, and you put together a great little program for them or whatever.
And then you hand out feedback forms and you notice there’s really a theme on the feedback forms, that people felt like they wanted more content or more expertise. And you hear again and again that your audience is asking for a different level of preparation and knowledge for you – okay, then you have some evidence. But most people never get to that stage of even asking their intended audience for information. They make up a story in their head and it’s usually a convenience story that allows them to hide a little bit that they need to do a lot more preparatory work. So that’s one piece – is it coming to you in real information and evidence from the outside world?
A second is, what’s the energy that you have or the beliefs that you have around that preparation? If you notice that in a very sort of joyful, light, abundant kind of energy you feel like, “I’m going to go learn more so I can do even more here, and this is going to be an enriching process for me” – that can be a great thing to follow. But if you notice that you’re feeling, “I don’t know enough until…” or, “There’s no way I could contribute any value until…” – the sort of like “This will complete me.” It’s like the equivalent of the romantic “He or she will complete me” feeling. Notice that, and that’s kind of a clue that you’re probably putting a story there that is more about fear than about the external thing itself.
And then a third thing I would offer is… A real issue in our culture is that we tend to put all the emphasis on expertise, and have a kind of cultural narrative that the people who contribute value around a topic are the “experts”. And that’s a view that’s really enforced by our educational system, reinforced by our educational system that says if you want to do something in X topic – if you want to do something around history – go get your degree in history. If you want to do something in serving kids, go get X degree. We’re looking for, what information do I need to absorb to be able to contribute value on that topic?
And that is certainly important, and you’re talking to someone who really values education and has a graduate degree and I believe it’s very important that we have those places to get expertise and we have experts in our culture. But on any given subject there are people contributing value as the expert. Let’s take for example breast cancer. So we have our experts who have PhDs in breast cancer treatment and prevention and rehabilitation and so on. And they’re playing a certain role.
But then we have other people – we have people who are survivors, who have different insights and a different sensibility and can contribute something different, in terms of sharing a message, inspiring people, improving upon services, innovating. The experts can never bring what they can bring.
And we have other people who I would call “cross-trainers”, who come from a completely different type of expertise – maybe they come from the design world or the business world or the activism world, and they can take their lens and their expertise and look at a new topic. And because they don’t have formal training in it and they’re bringing a fresh lens, they add value in a different way. And I think we really deemphasize those things.
So that’s another question when you’re discerning, as you’re asking, Pete – do I get more training? Part of it is, who do I want to be? Is my calling to be the expert on this, or is my calling to contribute value in a different way? And really we can’t discount how significant the value is that people contribute, who are coming from that cross-trainer or survivor perspective, not from the formal expert perspective.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, so much good stuff. Okay, so we’ve amassed a big lie, we’ve got a nice distinction here associated with, is preparation necessary, and some indicators how the inner critic can be a useful indicator, in terms of maybe pushing harder toward the edge. So, that’s a lot of great stuff. So now I’d like to zoom in sort of in the heat of battle. You’re trying to do some bigger things, and tell us, what are the particular fears that arise and your pro tips for responding to them?

Tara Mohr

Well, I’ll share a little bit about how I look at fear. And in the book I call this “a very old new way of looking at fear”, because I’m drawing here on two terms that are actually Old Testament, ancient Hebrew terms. These are two words that are used in the Old Testament to describe types of fear. And when I came across these I kind of fell off my chair, because I felt like they were so illustrative of what I was seeing with my coaching clients, but I had never heard about them before. So let me walk you through the two.
So the first word is “pahad”. And pahad is defined as the fear of projected things or imagined things. So this is when we imagine the worst case scenario of what could happen. It’s when we project the movie of how things might play out. And most of the fear that you and I and our friends and colleagues experience on a day-to-day basis is this, right? We are imagining a potential outcome and feeling afraid. It’s an anticipatory feeling; it is not usually about what’s happening right now, in this moment, but about what we fear could happen.
We know – not from the Old Testament but from all the biological and neuroscience research that has come since – that this kind of fear is generally over-reactive and misleading. We know for example that when we learn to fear a particular thing through conditioning – let’s say we get bitten badly by a dog and then the way the human response to that works is we learn to fear being bitten by a dog. We also know that we have a very generalizing response to that experience, so we won’t just become afraid of that dog; we might become afraid of dogs in general.
And in the foundational experiment that was done on this in the 1920s, they could actually see how by priming a baby to be afraid of a small white mouse… The baby initially was not afraid of the white mouse, but then they paired it with a very loud startling noise, and so then the baby started to associate the two and would see the mouse and would have a fear response. But then the baby also became afraid of a white rabbit and a white cotton ball and a man with a white beard.
This is what we’re also doing in our adult lives, right? Whether that’s you had one negative relationship experience and now you’re generalizing that a certain type of relationship or a certain type of person – you’re going to fear that. Or maybe you did something in one professional environment that was met with really painful feedback, and then you come to fear a whole set of associated things. So that associative quality of our fear response means that fear misleads us, because of course that white rabbit and the white beard and the cotton ball are harmless, as are many of the things we come to fear.
Another way fear misleads us is that we learn what to fear not just from our own experiences but also by watching what the people around us fear. And that of course happens in early childhood for a lot of us, and happens in problematic ways because many times the fears that those around us have are based on their own false stories. So all to say when we have pahad kind of fear, we do not want to believe it or let it be in charge; we need to know, “Okay, I’m in pahad, I’m in that anticipatory fear. It is probably not accurately guiding me and I want to shift myself out of it.” And you can do all kinds of practices, whether it’s calming your nervous system through meditation or shifting into another energy. I like whenever I’m afraid to just focus on, “What can I be curious about in this situation? What can I get really interested in?” Because if you’re in curiosity, you can’t simultaneously be in fear. So we always want to be looking at shifting out of pahad.
Okay, the second kind of fear that is mentioned in the Old Testament is something we really don’t talk about in our culture, and the word for that is yirah, is the ancient Hebrew word. And that has three definitions. Yirah is what we feel when we are inhabiting a larger space than we’re used to. It’s what we feel when we suddenly have more energy, when we come into possession of more energy than we normally have. So think about in your life, like what lights you up, what fills you with energy, your passions, using your gifts, telling your truth – whatever gives you that infusion of energy. That kind of exhilarated, scared feeling that can come with that – that’s yirah. And the third definition is this is what we feel in the presence of the sacred. So in fact when Moses is at the burning bush, yirah is the word used to describe how he feels when he’s at the burning bush.
So this was very significant for me to see as a coach and as a human being, because I understood that when I was working with people and they really told the truth about what they wanted, or they made a momentous decision that really resonated with the core of them, this was the feeling they felt. And it did include fear; it also had awe and exhilaration in it. And yirah is really different that pahad. We don’t need to shift out of yirah; we kind of need to learn to tolerate it and breathe into it and not find it such an electric infusion of energy that we block it or numb out or avoid the things that bring it. So that is the framework we use in the “playing big” model for working with fear.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, it’s so interesting when you say yirah, if I’m pronouncing it correctly. When you say “inhabiting a larger space”, this is kind of both literally and figuratively?

Tara Mohr

Exactly, exactly. So certainly when people step onto a bigger stage, speak to a bigger audience, maybe stand at the front of a bigger conference room, or whatever that might be. There’s literal spaces and then there’s the figurative, like I am reaching more people or I am being willing to take up more room. You can look at it that way as well.

Pete Mockaitis

That is so cool, because I really do find if I have a speaking engagement and I arrive there early, I actually love it. When I’m in the room and it’s completely empty but there are hundreds of seats there, there is a sensation – and now I’ve got a word for it, thank you – and I love it. It’s just so full of possibility. And it’s interesting you say “presence of the sacred” because it does often prompts me to pray – not because I’m terrified, but it’s just like there’s a bigness to it, and that’s just sort of a natural response for me. And that’s so cool and I think really eye-opening, because maybe my personality is I’m just like, “Oh yeah, I love that. Bring it on! I want some more of that in my life!” But you’re saying that for many of us, “Oh no, that’s just too big and I can’t even sort of abide there for very long without getting into maybe like a freak out type of sensation.”

Tara Mohr

Yeah, that’s what I find, that it’s both wonderful and it often feels wonderful when we’re in it, but there is a quality to it of, it’s a heightened state, it does take us out of our comfort zone a bit, it does have that component of fear or almost breathlessness in it. Sometimes it asks us to change, right? Like you could imagine that if you were in a different career and you were only doing speaking once a year or every 18 months and then you felt that feeling when you were speaking, when you were doing public speaking –that’s telling you something about your life and your career, which you may or may not want to hear at that point, because it might ask you to make some changes that require courage or trade-offs and so on. And so we do sometimes try and block the yirah or turn away from it.
I think also yirah, for a lot of people there’s kind of transcendence of the self that comes with it, and you may find when you’re doing that public speaking, you get into the zone, you get into flow state – you kind of lose the sense of Pete and you’re one with the words or you’re one with the audience. And then at the end it’s like, “Oh, where did I go? I went fully into that.” And that happens for a lot of people. The things that bring them yirah – they lose their normal sense of self while they’re doing them, and that’s that flow state, that kind of immersion, what Martin Seligman calls our “gratifications”. And that can be a little bit threatening to our ego sometimes, because our ego likes to be, “I’m Tara”, “I’m Pete”, “I’m in my mundane sense of self.” It doesn’t really like that transcendence of self, and so that could be another reason we resist it.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. Excellent, thank you. So then you say that’s kind of the different prescription then, in terms of with the projected things and fear. It’s a matter of, “Hey, slow it down, calm it down.” And with yirah the big stuff is being able to hold on for a bit.

Tara Mohr

Breathe into it, lean into it, notice what brings you it, pursue those things. Yeah, exactly.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. So now thinking more a bit about self-doubt and it popping up – you say that confidence is not the prescription or the answer to self-doubt appearing. Tell us a little bit more about that, and what is?

Tara Mohr

Yeah. Well, just as we were talking about before – if confidence isn’t coming and if the inner critic is always going to be speaking up when we are on the edge of our comfort zone, we certainly don’t want to wait on confidence to do our most important work. And instead of looking for aiming for confidence, I believe we need a new relationship with our self-doubt. And so that has a couple of components. The first is being aware when you are hearing your inner critic.
For so many of us the inner critic is the background noise that we live with, it’s the music that has been playing in our head for a long time, we don’t even hear it anymore, it’s the water that we’re swimming in. It’s like, “Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve never been good at that kind of thing”, “Oh, those people over there are the ones who have it going on and I’m the outsider, “Oh, my body this and that” – whatever your inner critic lines are, many of them become just so habitual you don’t hear them anymore, or you hear them as those are true facts.
So step one here is starting to be able to notice and name your inner critic, so that in those moments you can say, “I’m hearing my inner critic right now.” Now, a lot of times that’s enough; it’s just like a mindfulness practice. That’s enough to let you go, “Oh, if I’m hearing my inner critic, then that’s certainly not the part of me I’m going to listen to.” But sometimes we do need a secondary tool, and there’s a whole range of things that can be effective – sometimes for people creating a character that personifies the inner critic so they can actually see, “Okay, my inner critic sounds like the perfect housewife”, or the stern old mean professor, and really getting a visual, so that when you are hearing your inner critic line you see it as coming from that character. And all of a sudden then there’s humor and you can have perspective on it.

Pete Mockaitis

What are some names that you’ve heard given to inner critics?

Tara Mohr

Oh gosh, all kinds of things. I feel like there was a year there where everywhere I would go and speak, the inner critic was always a Downton Abbey character. I’m trying to think of the name. The evil folks downstairs in Downton Abbey, and Harry Potter characters, and sometimes it’s a random name that comes to people and then I always have to hope there’s no one else in the class with that name. Sometimes they won’t write it down because it’s their colleague from down the hall and they don’t want that their worksheet from the program is seen by anyone later. So yeah, creating a character can be useful.
I really like using another tool, and I’ll share an example of how I used it for myself. When the Playing Big book was coming out, about six weeks before the publication date, I got an email from my editor at Penguin and she said, “Oh Tara, great news – we’ve piqued the interest of the editors of the Sunday Review section of the New York Times. They’d like you to write an essay based on Chapter 6 for their consideration for the Sunday Review.
So I see that and my mouth kind of fell open because I didn’t even know they were pitching them, or I had no idea that was even on the table. And my very first thoughts were, “Oh no, this is going to be a huge waste of time. I have an actual book launch to prepare for and a lot to do, and now I’m going to have to spend all this time writing this piece, which we know is never going to be published, because people who write for the Sunday Review section sound very grown-up and articulate in their writing, and Tara, you know you’ve never sounded that way.”
That was what the voice in my head said. And that voice and those thoughts pretty much stayed cycling that way for a few days. And then there were some other ones that got added in, like, “You can’t write about this for a co-ed audience because the book had been directed at women”, and, “There’s no way you can translate that chapter’s topics into an op-ed; it won’t make sense.” I had piling on every problem and excuse.
And on about the fourth day of this, somewhere there was a little graced thought that flew into my head that said, “You know, Tara, maybe that’s your inner critic talking.” Now, this is like a primary subject of the book that I had just written, but it took me four days because in our own minds the inner critic always sounds like truth. But on the fourth day… And that’s what I think we can get with practice – it might not be immediate but it didn’t take me six months at least. On the fourth day the voice said, “Maybe that’s the inner critic.” And of course internally my response was like, “No, no, no, it can’t be the inner critic. There’s no way you can pull off this piece. Your writing and your voice is just not mature enough.” But another voice said, “You know, this kind of sounds like an inner critic.”
And then I used this tool, which I love, which is to say, “Well, what does my safety instinct not like about this situation?” Because I know that my inner critic is always going to be a strategy of my safety Instinct. So, when I asked myself that question: “What does my safety instinct not like about this situation?”, the whole picture looked so different to me. I could suddenly see, “Wow, this is basically the worst nightmare of an emotional safety instinct”, because in one scenario here I’m going to write a piece that my editor thinks is not good and I’m worried she’s going to write back and be like, “It’s not good enough; I can’t pass it on”, and that’s going to be painful. Another scenario is the New York Times editors say that, and that will be painful because that will make me feel like I don’t measure up.
And even in the best case scenario, what’s my big reward? It’s that 3 million people are going to judge what I write and have opinions about it. And that’s scary for a part of us, for sure. And it can be especially, I would say, even more so often for women, because we are really socialized to not rock the boat and not do things that bring criticism. And I knew if I write an op-ed about some of these issues in the New York Times, they’re some controversial topics, there’s going to be a mixed reaction.
So then I could see, “Okay, I get it. I get what my safety instinct doesn’t like here.” And I’m going to lovingly parent that part of myself and say, “I get it. This feels really big and scary to you. We’re going to be okay. I’ve got this, and you’re allowed to be here with all these fears, but there’s another part of me that wants to be in charge here – the part that loves writing, that wants to get these ideas out, that likes taking a seat at the table in this way.” And that allowed me to proceed.

Pete Mockaitis

Beautiful, thank you. That’s a great illustration, and talking about the second arrow – coming full circle here. You’re beating yourself up maybe, associated with, “I’m supposed to be the expert on this and I can’t even…” There may be a risk of some self-judgment even when you’re trying to apply the tools and are aware of this wisdom here.

Tara Mohr

Yeah, and luckily I do. That part I feel very clear on, and I would offer that to people too, that I never have felt I need to be an expert on these things and be flawlessly playing big in my own life. I feel the opposite – I feel the only way I can stay interested in these topics and have something relevant to say about them is if I’m really grappling with them and I am compelled around these topics, because I’m a fellow traveler. And so I proudly use all these tools myself and always try and work my own playing big edges myself.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome, thank you. Well, Tara, tell me – is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some your favorite things?

Tara Mohr

I do want to mention inner mentor for a minute, because I think that’s such an important topic, and it’s really kind of the antidote to the inner critic; it’s the other voice in us that we talk about a lot in Playing Big. And the idea with the inner mentor is that rather than always seeking external mentors and looking for that person out there that has the answers for you, you come into contact with a sense of your own older, wiser self. And so in the book we do a guided visualization, so you can meet yourself 20 years in the future.
And what people find is they don’t just meet their older self, they sort of meet their elder, wise self, their authentic self. And then you can really consult and dialogue with that part of you as a mentor. And it is absolutely the best mentor you will ever have – all its answers are customized for you, it is always available to you. And so, that’s just been such a powerful tool and I want to make sure people know about it, because I’ve watched it be really, really pivotal for so many people now.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s so interesting, and I’m right now imagining an older, wiser Pete with a cane, sitting on a log on an autumn day.

Tara Mohr

Well, we can do that right now. Yeah, so one thing that you are finding a
dilemma right now – just ask him for his perspective on it.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, yeah. Well, so the silence there… Yeah, I was just thinking about, I just have a new baby. Yay! My first son.

Tara Mohr

Congratulations!

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you. And so, I’m just thinking about, what’s prudent, in terms of kind of growing business without spending crazy hours, in kind of a way that would be troublesome for a family living. And so, it was only a few seconds, but what I’m picking up is the notion that there’s no need to sprint, rush, rush, do more, is kind of a wisdom nugget I’m starting to unpack there.

Tara Mohr

Yeah, and it sounds like… So did he kind of give you a vibe or a perspective around this question that was a little different than what you were holding in your mind before?

Pete Mockaitis

Well, kind of, yes. Because my instinct is to, “Alright, strategize, let’s figure out what is our optimal point of leverage”, as opposed to having a bit more of a calm, spacious, patient view of the matter.

Tara Mohr

Yeah. So Pete, it sounds like you tapped in really quickly, which is wonderful. Even without doing a longer visualization you could just call up a picture of him and then connect with a voice that was different than that of your everyday thinking, and that’s exactly it. And usually that inner mentor voice is more spacious, it’s more calm, it’s more loving, and it does give us something really different. I can’t tell you how many times people will come with like, “I don’t know, is it A or B? Is it A or B? And I’m stuck between A or B.”
And they check in with their inner mentor for a second and there is a C option that comes that they didn’t perceive before, that feels really right and gives them kind of a new path forward. So, it’s an amazing tool and it sounds like you have it right there at your fingertips. For people who feel like they need a little more help or if you just want to have a deeper experience with that, there’s an audio that you can use and a written form also in the book. But it’s a great tool to tap into.

Pete Mockaitis

That is wonderful, and I’m glad you highlighted it before we moved on to the next phase. And it’s so funny, I’m tempted – you tell me, is this a good idea or a bad idea – when it comes to the visualization, one of my knee-jerk reactions was, “Oh, I bet there is a website where I can put a photo of myself and see what I look like when I’m old.” And it was like, “Hm, on the one hand that could be interesting and help bring about a picture, but on the other hand, maybe I won’t like the picture.”

Tara Mohr

Yeah. I would say, let your subconscious mind do it because it’s sort of going back to our dream conversation – you’re going to see where this person lives, how they live, how they carry themselves. You want your right brain and your intuition to bring all that to you, rather than some computer-generated literal thing. So yeah, I’d say let your mind’s eye dream it up.

Pete Mockaitis

Perfect, thank you. Okay, cool. Well, now could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Tara Mohr

Oh, sure. Well, one of my favorite quotes comes from Marianne Williamson, and it is, “Ask to be a representative of love.” So, in any situation that you’re feeling stressed about… And I have used this in professional situations, including before I was an entrepreneur – very traditional professional situations – with amazing success and results, like going into a tense meeting where there was a lot of conflict and my prayer and inner intention was, I want to be a representative of love in the room. And what that allowed me to do was get out of myself and my fear and my ego, and contribute so much more value and be such a more helpful, mature voice in the room. So that’s always for me like a mantra, a favorite quote, a favorite practice.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Tara Mohr

I have so many, but I just finished one that I think is outstanding and that your listeners will probably really enjoy. It’s called Einstein and the Rabbi. It’s by Rabbi Naomi Levy and it’s really a personal growth type book that is just very compelling and helpful.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, thank you. And how about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that helps you be awesome at your job?

Tara Mohr

One of my favorite habits is surrender, by which I mean remembering that I’m not supposed to figure it out all on my own. So when I’m feeling overwhelmed or unclear, I can very consciously say, “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do in this situation.” I physically open up my hands to the world, the greater space and say “Help!” And then I kind of go through my day with a sensitive listening for the insights and answers. And I find that that surrender and asking for help really changes everything.

Pete Mockaitis

Excellent, thank you. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Tara Mohr

I’m at TaraMohr.com. And the Playing Big book is available on Amazon and everywhere that books are sold.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Tara Mohr

I do. I would invite everyone to circle back to that idea we started our conversation with, and ask yourself are you being more loyal to your fears or your dreams? And what’s one thing you can do today to be more loyal to your dreams?

Pete Mockaitis

Beautiful. Well, Tara, thank you so much for sharing this. I wish you lots and lots of luck in your coaching and your book and all the cool things you’re up to!

Tara Mohr

Thank you! Likewise.

257: Innovating through Empathetic Collaboration with Turi McKinley

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Turi McKinley says: "Being able to synthesize what's important is probably one of the most under-appreciated and most important skills."

Turi McKinley talks intuitive design thinking as an alternative approach to problem solving.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The importance of human empathy in problem solving
  2. Three keys to apply the design thinking process in your organization
  3. Pro-tips for getting brilliant ideas flowing when you collaborate

About Turi 

Turi McKinley is the Executive Director of Org Activation at frog design. Turi’s 15+ years in design encompasses design research, interaction and service design, and currently focuses on driving change within innovative teams and organizations. Turi leads frog’s capability building and process design practice across frog’s global studios, and with frog’s clients.  With clients, she had led transformation efforts for GE as they developed a user centered software capability; for health insurance companies seeking to develop new customer relationships; and CPG firms developing ways of working faster and more iteratively.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Turi McKinley Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Turi, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

Turi McKinley
I’m happy to be here. Thank you for inviting me.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, certainly. Well, so tell me, I understand you worked on a wide array of products, and I was intrigued by maybe some lessons learned when it comes to doing deodorant bottle design.

Turi McKinley
Oh, that’s an old one. Yeah, sure. So, we did a project, I think this must’ve been maybe six or eight years ago, but it was a U.S. client, it was a consumer packaged-goods client, and they were interested in understanding how they could change their products to be appropriate for the market in Mexico and South America. Very different areas but we first went to Mexico.

And the challenge, the thing that had happened in the market that they felt they needed to respond to was one of their competitors a couple of years ago had taken the deodorant bottle, particularly for the roll-on kind, and turned it upside down. And they did that because there was an insight that customers, when they buy these fluid products, like toothpaste and things like that, they want to get the last drop out of it. Literally, they want to squeeze the last drop out of the bottle.

So, with the roll-on where you can’t do that, turning the bottle upside down, very simple design change, helps the customer think, “Wow! With that product I’m going to get every last drop of that fluid deodorant out of that bottle.” So, they wanted us to help them understand how they could respond to that in Mexico and these other markets.

So, we went, and I think the design of the bottle was an interesting thing, and we came up with some really great solutions. But, for me, as somebody who comes from a research background, my background is in anthropology and design, what was really fascinating was observing how different the cultural context for sweating is in Mexico than it is in the States or Europe.

So, in Mexico you have a much more socially-stratified society, and being a laborer, being somebody who is outside and who is sweating visibly through their clothing has a really strong social context or social sense of being lower than other people. So, sweating rises all of those, that nervousness, concerns about being sweaty, and being seen as somebody who might have to be outside or be a laborer.

So, we started to observe these patterns where people were buying six or seven bottles of deodorant at a time. They were buying one for their gym bag, one or two or three or four at home to have a spare in case they ran out, one for their desk at the office, and one that they were taking with them out to the club because even if it wouldn’t stop them necessarily from sweating, the sense of reapplying the deodorant was necessary for calming that real strong sort of cultural nervousness about being seen to sweat.

Pete Mockaitis
Fascinating.

Turi McKinley
Very different than like my high school experience with realizing that sweat was an issue, you know.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so then, when it comes to design, I guess there’s an upside down bottle as what how one competitor reacted to it, but I guess in another context in which it’s like, “Sweat means you’re a loser,” I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, but I mean, if I’m just going to really dumb it down and simplify so it becomes all the more critical to have it on hand everywhere. What do you do with that?

Turi McKinley
Well, you start thinking about, “Okay. Now, if we’ve observed this reason, this desire for protection from sweat, it’s not so much about deodorant, it’s not even so much about anti-perspirant. It’s protection from that social connection with being lower class.”

I can’t sort of tell you exactly what the solution was with the client went forward with, but some of the solutions we came up with were things that are really were portable that could go out into the club setting. So, if you think of, do you remember those strips that you would put on your tongue that would dissolve and they would have like – what’s it called?

Pete Mockaitis
The Listerine Cool Mint PocketPaks?

Turi McKinley
Listerine. Yes, those Listerine Cool Mint PocketPaks.

Pete Mockaitis
I’m looking at one right now. I’ve got them near my desk.

Turi McKinley
Right. And those packets, they speak to portability, right? You can put it in your pocket, in your bag, you can have it at your desk as you do. It’s very easy and you don’t have to fuss with liquid or spilling or any of that. So, if you take that kind of format and that kind of technology, now think about that around your underarms. Could we design something that would enable somebody to have that super portable pack to        freshen up when they are on the go, something that’s not a bottle stuck in their pocket when they’re out at the club, or in their purse?

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Turi McKinley
So, those were some of the kinds of directions that you start moving when you have the capability as a team to be able to say, “Our client makes fluid deodorant.” Okay, so the client wants a solution that’s about selling more fluid. But let’s take a step back, let’s really try to understand the person who they want to buy this product, and understand the cultural context, the emotional context within which they work, and identify a solution that will be really appropriate to them.

So, doing that research, spending time with people, and having as a team the freedom and the openness to look for the right solution, not necessarily the solution that the client has asked for, is one of the most important skills that I think has enabled Frog to be as successful as it has in the 13 years that I’ve been here.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that’s cool. And, I guess, you’ve already got sort of a leg up on sort of my next question. I just want to get oriented a little bit. So, can you tell us a little bit about Frog design and your role as the Executive Director of Org Activation?

Turi McKinley
Sure. So, I’ll give you a little bit of a background on Frog itself. Frog is, we’re about 45 years old now, maybe a little more than that, but maybe 50 years. But we were founded in the late ‘60s in Germany as an industrial design firm, and our founder, Hartmut Esslinger, had a point of view on design which was that form should follow emotion.

Basically, we need to make products that are emotionally resonant to people, that speaks to who they are and to their needs. And if you think of German design back in the late ‘60s, it was form follows function, and the Bauhaus, and all of that kind of sometimes inhuman but very functional design.

Pete Mockaitis
I have the Dyson voice in my head now and I just can’t… vacuum cleaners is just there. German design equals Dyson. It’s just there.

Turi McKinley
I can see that. So, with that ethos of form follows emotion, Hartmut ended up meeting Steve Jobs back in the ‘80s, and they partnered to create the design language for the first Apple computers, and that relationship is also when Hartmut decided to relocate the company from Germany to California which is where our headquarters are today.

But it also started our engagement with the digital era. The Apple computer, if you think of emotional design in computing, that was really in many ways continues to be one of the best examples of design that people have an emotional relationship with. So, for frog, as we started working with digital, that idea of form following emotion was still very much a part of our design.

And I joined frog about 13 years ago, and at that time, I think digital and industrial design or physical design were kind of separate, but they were starting the movement that we really see having taken full force today of convergent design where you’re no longer a designer who is designing for a little black box, a digital designer designing for a little screen inside of a box. You are now thinking about the full experience of a product or service regardless of whether it’s a physical, digital, or otherwise off-screen experience.

So, frog, as a company, still has that human-centered design very much at the core of what we do. But, today, we really are a company that designs human experiences, and we’re trying to design these experiences that transform businesses and transform markets.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Cool. Well, designing human experiences sounds like a whole lot of fun. I like being a human and experiencing it and creating stuff, so that’s good. And now, I want to talk about some particular skills that any professional can use based upon your unique area of expertise. I first discovered you through the LinkedIn Learning Lynda.com course about Learning Design Thinking, and I just knew, it’s so funny, I knew the design thinking was really cool.

So, it’s like I remember I had a little training on design thinking for like one hour when I was working in strategy consulting, and they’re like, “This is like the completely other way to think about things,” as opposed to how strategy consultants, we have a hypothesis and we gather our data and we validate it or refute it, and then we refine.

It’s sort of like, “Design thinking is a whole another way to run you brain.” I was like, “Well, that’s cool.” So, I’d love it if you could sort of orient us a little bit to what is design thinking and how is that potentially useful for professionals?

Turi McKinley
Sure. So, design thinking these days is a term that gets written about a lot, and people are very interested in it. I think there’s sometimes a temptation to think of design thinking as a kind of magic. In many ways, design thinking is how you approach problem-solving. So, when I think of design thinking, there’s kind of four things that are the key components.

I think of design thinking as fundamentally a very making-based approach to problem-solving, and when you think of problem-solving that is design that’s rooted in human empathy and that’s done by collaborative teams of people who come from many different skillsets. As I was talking about frog as a company that today is designing for the physical world, for the digital world, for experiences that might suffuse a theme park, or influence a multinational company.

Design today, or problem-solving today, is so complex that it really can’t be solved by just one diva designer who has a great idea. You need to solve problems by having people of many different skillsets looking at the problem and being able to work together to understand the problem space, to understand and have empathy with the people who will use the product.

And one of the best ways to actually activate all those different skillsets and minds is by making prototypes together, trying it out, talking about, “We understand what the deodorant example. We now understand the social context within which deodorant operates within Mexico. We can talk to the person who might be able to make the strips and understand what’s the possibility here that we could find a solution that would be something that doesn’t exist on the market today.”

I think the difference with some of those traditional business approaches that you mentioned are that, traditionally, businesses are very good at taking a very structured approach to saying, “These are our business capabilities. This is what we’re good at. This is where we have a strength in the market. This is perhaps a new technology that we’ve created, or something that we want to sell. Now, let’s take that new technology, take our business capabilities, package them together and make a new product.”

They tend to be very good at that. They also tend to be very good at kind of incremental innovation, “If this is happening in the market now, we think that the next thing that will happen will be this. Let’s go test that hypothesis. Let’s match that to our business capabilities and let’s launch it.”

A design-thinking approach fundamentally starts from a different place. The problem might be, “How do we grow into a new market?” But, instead of starting with the business capabilities, you start by understanding the people in that new market, whether it’s somebody who is suffering from a rare form of a disease, or if somebody who is a Gen Z teenager now and we’re looking at a product that might be launched for them in five to 10 years, both of those are recent projects. But you start with the people and you use that to help you understand what might be.

Pete Mockaitis
What might be, just like in terms of what is, like the reality they’re in?

Turi McKinley
Well, yes. So, I think human empathy begins with understanding how people see the world around them. Understanding the business is about understanding the world within which the constraints, the opportunities, the strengths within which the business operates. Looking at the market is about seeing trends and what’s happening whether the new technologies, new opportunities that are shaping society, but fundamentally to get to an innovative new idea.

You, as a group, or as a team, need to be able to say, “What if.” You need to be able to take all that foundation, those constraints, that knowledge, that empathy and take the kind of lateral thinking leap to say, “Maybe this could be. What if this is where the world goes in five years? How will my company have an amazing relationship with its customers in five years if the world changes this way?

How might I change my relationship with my brand’s relationship with the market if I launch this new type of product?” that kind of thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so I’m thinking about maybe zooming in here on an example. Let’s say we got a professional, and I’m thinking about sort of mostly innovations that we can do sort of on a weekly, monthly, quarterly basis. I think some will be creating a whole new products and services that individuals will be purchasing.

[00:18:10]

But I think more often the innovation has to do with processes that are happening in the realm of the regular work week, in terms of, “You know what? This is kind of dumb. Surely, we can do this better,” whether that’s, “Does anyone read this report?” or, “Are we making the best use of our meeting times?” or, “Wow! Email is sort of taking over our lives. Is there a better way?” So, maybe, could you maybe walk us through how a design-thinking style process might go down to refresh and replace a process that happens in a real place?

Turi McKinley
Sure, yeah. The work that I do with frog at the moment is very much focused on helping companies make those kind of changes.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect.

Turi McKinley
Yeah, the Org Activation practice at frog is taking kind of what we’ve learned around what makes companies successful, and there’s three major things that we’ve been seeing that make companies successful. The first is that ability to take a human-centered design approach not just to your products and services, but to how your organization is structured.

The second is if companies are not able to really have the nimbleness to sense and respond what is happening in their relationship with their customer, very rarely can they be successful. And then, the third piece is that companies need to have the ambidexterity to have a small part of their business that’s really focused on thinking about where the market might go and taking big risks even as the whole organization might be much more focused on the moment and incremental change.

But to get there, to get to a company that has that ambidexterity, that nimbleness and that empathy, you’re right, often a lot of internal processes within the organization need to change. If we take an example, like you mentioned, around meetings. Are we doing it right? Are we getting what we need to out of the meeting? Are we able to get all those different voices actually listening to each other? Or is there something within our process or our way of work that is more focused on shutting people down than really enabling us to get to some shared ideas?

So, when I think of a good process for design thinking, there’s a couple of things that really stand out. One is that the teams need to be clear about the goal that they are attacking or that they’re going after. We tend to think in large businesses that the company strategy has given us a goal or the ask from our manager that we’re all aligned on. But that’s not necessarily the case.

Those things exist and they’re very important, but for a team to work together effectively they need to have the ability to set some shared goals together. So, one of the most important aspects of kicking off a design thinking relationship within a team is having the ability to talk about, “As a group, what are the goals that we have together that we want to achieve here? Yes, there’s the business goal, but what is the broader goal that we’re trying to achieve?” So, whether it’s a meeting or whether it’s a six-month process, having the time as a team to set some goals is really important.

One of the other kind of key aspects to design thinking is having a shared space. When I was saying kind of key aspects of design thinking, one of them is about collaborating, and the other is about making together.

Turi McKinley
I think with design thinking, it needs to be both collaborative and it needs that aspect of prototyping together and making solutions. So, having a shared space where your team is able to come back to use the walls, use the space to externalize the thoughts that you’ve had around, “how we’re going to solve this problem and work together off screen, face to face,” is sometimes an unrealized but very important part of effective design thinking. It’s having a shared space where you can work together to solve the problems.

Another key piece of the process is about having the ability to get out and build that human empathy with the users of your product or service. That might be having somebody who understands design research on your team. It might be having the tools within your company that enable you to get out and actually have a connection with your users.

But even without special teams, even without special tools within the company, the team itself needs to have a bias that, “The best way I can solve this problem is to understand how people think and feel about this problem, so that is both in the discovery process of what am I trying to solve, but also in the iteration of solutions.”

Pete Mockaitis
And that seems quite a sensible starting place. Could you maybe contrast that with is there a common practice that starts from a different place? And what is that in terms of just shining a bright light on the key distinction to make here?

Turi McKinley
Yeah, very often programs start with, or teams often start with the business requirements and the business constraints for the problem that they’ve been asked to address. And, ideally, the team that has design thinking at their heart will take the business requirements and the business constraints as one part of the discovery of the problem that they need to solve.

The other part that they will find a way to bring in is that human empathy so they can begin to, as a team, start thinking about, “What do I need to achieve for the business? What do I need to achieve for the user? And bringing in that multidisciplinary voice, what are the opportunities that technology begins to offer me to make those solutions?” And I’m speaking about technology broadly here. It might not be digital technology, but the how it’s solving the problem. When you bring those three things together, that’s where you find the best solutions.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Understood. And so, then, maybe could you help bring this to life a bit in terms of, “Hey, here was a process within an organization that got refreshed or replaced via using a process just like this”?

Turi McKinley
Sure. We did some work several years ago now with GE. And GE, it’s one of the world’s most successful companies. It’s been around for a long time. They have an incredible engineering organization, and they also have a really interesting management structure where they move people around through the organization, and have a real focus on educating their teams.

But in 2010, GE discovered that, through an industry report, that by revenue they were the world’s 14th largest producer of software – by revenue. And when they looked at that, and they looked at GE software and the kind of services that they provided, they realized that while GE’s engineering is really about they make amazing things that spin, you know, train engines, drills, airplane engines, but a lot of the revenue was actually coming from the analysis of the data that comes off of those spinning things.

And GE had evolved in software practice very much in silos to respond to clients’ ask for, “I need to visualize this data. Make me a piece of software.” So, it’s a very reactive practice. And when they took a look at their revenue, they realized that that revenue could be under threat from a company like IBM that’s very good at processing data and information and providing analytics.

So, they made a very large investment to create GE’s software backbone, the industrial internet that GE has launched recently. But they realized that in parallel to that, that this software initiative would not be able to succeed if they didn’t build a culture within the organization that understood user experience, both at the management level and at the team levels. So, they needed to find new processes, new ways of thinking, new ways of work that would enable their product owners and engineering teams to understand the user of software.

So, we worked with them over the course of a couple years to help them identify within their very successful processes, “What were the things that needed to change to enable a culture of user experience to flourish within the organization? And what were the specific kinds of tools that could be created to really be positive actors that would help people take on these new ways of thinking and new ways of acting?”

Turi McKinley
So, GE needed to develop a set of processes and ways of thinking that would help their teams understand the users of GE software. So, we’re talking about oil field managers, we’re talking about people who manage fleets of aircraft engines, people who are responsible for servicing, managing the servicing of those kinds of devices.

There were many different things that we did, but I think one of the most surprising changes that helped begin to build the design-thinking attitude within the GE teams was, oddly enough, the creation of a PowerPoint. So, we created a PowerPoint that it’s not a PowerPoint that was used in presentation. It was a PowerPoint presentation that was meant to be used by a salesperson when they went out to talk to the customer who might be buying a fleet of aircraft engines.

Hidden in the margins of that PowerPoint were a range of different little elements that the salesperson could use in having a discussion with the client to build a dashboard for the data that would be displayed by their software. The reason this was important from a human-centered design perspective was GE salespeople were accustomed to saying, “This is what we can do. Of those things, what do you want?” Or, having their customer tell them, “I need this thing. Go build this thing for me.”

So, by enabling, by building a tool which supported a conversation of needs and opportunities, we were able to help the salespeople begin to talk about something they were very unfamiliar with, with their customers which was what software might be able to provide that customer.

Pete Mockaitis
Understood. Okay.

Turi McKinley
So, the design thinking aspect of that is really on two parts, and when you are trying to change an organization you need to be able to think of the end-user, in this case that oil field manager or the person buying a fleet of aircraft engines, but you also have to be able to solve for the mindset of the employee within the company, so in this case that was the GE sales team and how could we understand their needs and how they think about a problem to be able to find a tool or a way of work that would help them begin to shift their processes and how they approach their relationship with their customers.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Excellent. Thank you. Well, now, I’d love it if maybe we could just hear a couple of the super brilliant actionable tactics that you found effective in terms of you’re working with different types of folks and trying to get brilliant ideas and creative flow. What are some things that any professional might use to get some more brilliant ideas and thoughts flowing when they’re collaborating?

Turi McKinley
Yup. So, super tangibly, I’ve been surprised at how many client org of my clients have trouble getting things like Post-it notes or other media that enables externalizing ideas and rapid moving and sharing of ideas.

Not that it’s hard to go to your local store and buy some Post-it notes because they’re super common, but some of the organizations I’ve worked with, the process of procuring Post-it notes through the procurement system is very challenging. Like the procurement team may have said that, “There is a limit of the number of Post-its that your division or your group or the supply closet can have.”

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, man. That drives me nuts.

Turi McKinley
Right. Exactly.

Pete Mockaitis
That just kills my inner enthusiasm really. Oh, boy. So, once you got the Post-it notes…

Turi McKinley
Right. Once you got the Post-it notes what do you do with it? So, the reason you have a Post-it note is not to use it like a notebook, to have lots of things for Post-it notes. The reason you have a Post-it note is to put one idea on a piece of paper so that you can share it with other people on your team. So, as you think about how you process or how you share, because design thinking is about collaboration, it is about how you share ideas with your team, think about using your Post-it note to be just one idea on a Post-it note, and make one or two words big. The big idea.

Use it like a headline on your Post-it note. Even if you make a few other words below it. But think about your Post-it note as a tool for sharing an idea and for putting it out there so that it can be grouped with other similar ideas so that, as a team, you can come up with, hopefully relatively quickly, a way of understanding shared ideas.

The other sort of next upskill from that is the skill of beginning to, when you look at a group of Post-it notes, ask yourself, “What’s important here?” Fundamentally, being effective in design thinking or really just collaborating with the team, the people who are most successful in driving collaboration are able to synthesize what’s been said in the group and share it back to the group.

So, there was a creative director here in New York who has since left, and he was one of the people that I learned a vast amount from. He would, in a, let’s say, hourly-long meeting with a client, he might be not saying anything during most of the meeting, but I’d see him making some notes on a piece of paper in front of him, and then some time, usually in the last 15 minutes of the discussion, he would stand up and he would go up to the whiteboard and take the things that had sort of been circled and grouped and thought about, and he was able to take that red marker, draw the two lines between things, and say, “This is what’s important. This is what we’ve agreed upon. This is what we understand now from this meeting.”

So, when you are leading a design-thinking team, you are leading a team that is open to ambiguity, that is out there generating a lot of ideas, there’s Post-its everywhere, the Sharpies are flying, but if those ideas are not able to be understood in holistic sense and synthesized into some understanding of what’s important, or, “What do we want to investigate next?” you will not be effective as a design thinking leader.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Noted. Thank you.

Turi McKinley
I don’t know. As I think of tools from the very basic, having Post-it notes, to kind of the meta level, those are kind of the two layers. Having the tools, having the shared space, being in the room together is crucial. But as a team, you need to keep that goal in mind and you need to have the ability to synthesize information and ask yourself what’s important.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Thank you. Well, Turi, tell me, is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Turi McKinley
Sure. I’m looking back at some of the questions you asked. When we were talking about physical space, one of the things that I think is really important with having a space for design thinking, is that the reason you’re in a space together is to take your ideas off screen and out of the air and put them into a format that can be shared by the team.

The reason you want to do that is that everybody is going to be coming to it with a different set of knowledge, and you want to create a format whereby people can share their knowledge and it can begin to be structured and synthesized into a new understanding.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Good. Okay. Well, then now, could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Turi McKinley
Let’s see, a favorite quote. You know, I was talking about synthesis and how important synthesis is in the design thinking process. Fundamentally, when you are designing something, you’re trying to solve a problem but you’re trying to make it real. So, I think one of the quotes that I really remember a lot is from Thomas Edison, and it’s, “Vision without execution is hallucination.”

So, as you’re working, the goal of anything that we do as designers is to make something real in the world. So, as much as we think of ideas and go open, we are going open, we are generating ideas in order to find the solution that we can build and bring to life in the market.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Turi McKinley
So, I’m really a fan of imaginative fiction so I’ve recently been re-reading a number of the Ursula Le Guin books. She asks very interesting questions in her fiction. I think the one I’ve been reading most recently is The Dispossessed, which is imagining that we are in a world where anarchy is the way of the social rule, and somebody from this anarchist planet goes to a planet that is a market economy, and the book is about his experience of that.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, interesting. Thank you. And how about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that helps you be effective?

Turi McKinley
I listen to a lot of podcasts. When I go to the gym, I find that TED Talks are the perfect length for my 20 minutes on the treadmill or the jogging machine, and I feel like I’m not wasting time as I kind of explore new ideas as I run in place.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. Thank you. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Turi McKinley
For me, on Twitter I am @turisays, T-U-R-I-S-A-Y-S, and @frogdesign is also great to follow on Twitter or LinkedIn, and visit our website.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Turi McKinley
I think being awesome at your job, the one thing I would say is figure out how you can be the best. I think my challenge would be that being able to synthesize what’s important is probably one of the most under-appreciated and most important skills that anyone working in a team can bring to the table.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Thank you. Well, Turi, this has been a whole lot of fun. I wish you lots of luck and creative insights and a-ha moments in your design work and all that you’re up to.

Turi McKinley
Great. Thank you.