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317: How to Form Habits the Smart Way with BJ Fogg, PhD

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Dr. BJ Fogg says: "Emotions create habits."

Stanford behavior scientist Dr. BJ Fogg shares his evidence-based insights into forming “tiny habits” and other powerful tools for transforming behavior.

You’ll Learn:

  1. Why the Tiny Habits © Method is such a reliable pathway to behavior change
  2. The core recipe and three critical ingredients for a great habit
  3. How–and why–to celebrate repeatedly

About BJ

Dr. BJ Fogg is a behavior scientist, with deep experience in innovation and teaching. At Stanford University, he runs a research lab. He also teaches his models and methods in graduate seminars.

On the industry side, BJ trains innovators to use his work so they can create solutions that influence behavior.  The focus areas include health, financial wellbeing, learning, productivity, and more.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

BJ Fogg Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
BJ, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to Be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

BJ Fogg
Hey Pete, thanks for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’d love to get oriented first of all when it comes to what you’re doing when you’re not coming up with brilliant research which is being on the water with surfing and paddle boarding. What’s the scoop here?

BJ Fogg
Well, I’m just really drawn to nature, just being in the water or on the water or by the water is a really calming and energizing thing for me.

Yes, I swim a lot. I don’t do straight up surfing. I do surfing on standup paddle boards, which is fun and terrific. Yesterday, in the river I was swimming around with a mask looking at rocks. I just think being in the water, by the water is, it’s really important for my health.

Pete Mockaitis
Mm-hm. Cool Great. When it comes to your health and that rejuvenation, you’re pouring that into some great stuff at Stanford and your research lab. Could you orient listeners a little bit to what is your area of research?

BJ Fogg
Yeah, I’m a behavior scientist. Right now in my lab, called the Behavior Design Lab, we’re studying new models of human behavior and new methods of how to help people change their behavior for the better.

If you rewind 20 years, I was just wrapping up a series of experiments about how technology, how computers can change our attitudes and behaviors. That was 20 years ago. I called it persuasive technology.

There’s a lot of attention in that area now, at least in the world, but my work has moved on. It was about ten years ago we shifted away from that and looking more just behavior in general and especially habits and how habits work.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Well, so you’ve sort of built out a whole Fogg behavioral model. Could you walk us through some of the tenants of that?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. In the work that I call behavior design, it’s a set of models and a set of methods. Models are ways of thinking about behavior.

I think the most important model and I decided to put my name on it, that should signal that I think it’s important, I called the Fogg Behavior Model. It’s essentially this, its behavior happens when three things come together at the same time.

There’s motivation to do the behavior, that’s one. There’s the ability to do the behavior, how easy or hard it is. Then there has to be a prompt or a cue. I used to call it a trigger, but now I’m calling it a prompt.
It’s motivation, ability, prompt. When those things come together at the same moment in the right way, the behavior happens.

Pete Mockaitis
From your TED talks and others I had mapped in my head motivation, ability, trigger. Well, just because I’m a dork, why did you choose to go from a trigger to a prompt?

BJ Fogg
I came up with the word trigger a long time ago, like probably 12 years ago. I thought it was – I talk about hot triggers and cold triggers. I thought it was kind of – it’s a fun word.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah.

BJ Fogg
But I always had to explain that by trigger I mean the prompt or the cue. I don’t mean what’s motivating you. There was always this little bit of education I had to do around the word trigger.

For a few years, I thought man, I’m going to change it to prompt, I’m going to change it to prompt. Finally I took the leap last year. That means a whole bunch of talks that I’ve given, a whole bunch of other people that have referenced my work. There’s kind of like a version 1.0 of the Fogg Behavior Model and this is version 2.0.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, good to know. The dorky jokester in me was like was it too triggering to say trigger … had to be trigger warnings.

BJ Fogg
Triggering the wrong thing, triggering the wrong thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Interesting.

BJ Fogg
As you know, as you look at my work, I’m all about how do you make it easy to understand human behavior. How do you make it easy for people to change their behavior? If there’s something getting in the way, it even can be a word, like the word trigger, man, you’ve got to fix it.

That’s what I ultimately I just owned up to that and said, “No, we’re going to take the word prompt.” Now it’s going to be clear and people aren’t going to have to be trained on what that word means.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it is a really clear framework. It really has kind of really changed the way I look at all sorts of behavioral change things. It seems so simple and true that it strikes me as but of course, this is the way.

BJ Fogg
Thanks.

Pete Mockaitis
But there’s some alternatives, right? There’s some different models out there. Could you maybe debunk some myths perhaps in terms of, “Hey, we often hear that behavior change works like this, but that’s actually kind of complete or even misleading.”

BJ Fogg
Yeah. About ten years ago kind of in a moment of frustration, the frustration – we were publishing these papers from my lab and people were emailing me and said just give me a checklist. I was like, “No, our papers are eight pages. They’re short.”

But after I got enough of those I sat down and said “Okay, I’m going to make a top ten list, the top ten mistakes in behavior change.” I cranked it out. I ran it by my lab members who made some revisions. We shipped it. We shipped it on I think SlideShare. It’s a set of slides.

It turns out, Pete, sadly enough that is the most widely accessed and used creation from my lab ever. This thing that I did in a moment of frustration, the top ten mistakes, turns out to be the thing that well over a million people have seen and they reference it. They will replicate it and so on.

One of the top mistakes, I won’t go through all ten. You can just find it online if you’re interested. Type in ‘top ten mistakes behavior change.’ One of the top mistakes is to just think of the aspiration like, “Oh, I want to lose weight,” or “I want to have more energy,” “I want to sleep better,” and then make yourself feel guilty about not reaching the aspiration. There’s two mistakes bundled.

That’s a fairly common thing, where people just have this vague thing in their mind they want to achieve and they think they can get there somehow magically or just by making themselves feel bad. That’s wrong or that’s not optimal anyway. It’s two ways.

Number one, you can’t design directly for an aspiration like have more energy or get more sleep. You’ve got to break that down into specific behaviors. You need to focus on behaviors that will take you to the aspiration.

Then the other thing is usually, the most reliable way to get a behavior to happen isn’t about trying to motivate yourself and certainly not through guilt, but it’s by making the behavior easier to do. Really what you want to do is figure out what behavior is going to take you to that aspiration. Then how do you make it easy to do so you don’t have to rely on motivation very much.

Pete Mockaitis
You mentioned that motivation is kind of pretty inconsistent or fickle day-to-day.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, it’s pretty slippery. Another model out there has to do with are you ready to change. For decades people have tried to – well, that has been perpetuated.

Behavior design doesn’t look at that question at all. It starts with the premise that everybody is ready to change in some way. You just have to figure out what way they want to change right now. You don’t have to wait around for somebody to be ready to change. Instead you have to figure out what’s their aspiration and what specific behavior are they willing to do right now to take them to that aspiration.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, well I’m also curious to get your take then when it comes to the aspiration and thinking about it and wanting it and guilt and that stuff not doing the trick. I guess when it comes to I guess goal setting type standards or approaches, does that kind of mean that you’re sort of with or-

BJ Fogg
I am going to offend people here.

Pete Mockaitis
Let’s do it. Let’s do it.

BJ Fogg
These make people think I’m crazy. I think you can change your life dramatically without setting goals and without tracking your performance toward the goals.

That is not – that’s often packaged up with “You must set a goal and you must track or you won’t do it.” That’s not necessarily true. We change all the time without putting down, even for the worst, better or worse, change is change, whether it’s good change or whether you think it’s bad change.

The word goal is an imprecise word, so I don’t use it in behavior design. A goal can be an aspiration, a vague aspiration like, “Oh, I want to get more sleep.” A goal could also – or it could be an outcome, like “We want to increase sales in this company by 20%.” A goal can mean either thing. An aspiration and an outcome are very different.

If you say the word goal or if somebody says the word goal, listen or ask questions to verify are you talking about an aspiration or an outcome.

What I found is sometimes when you ask people to set goals, it actually discourages them or it scares them because they’ve done it before and they know if they say, “Okay, I’m going to lose 15 pounds in one month,” they know they are setting themselves up to be – to fail in a measurable way.

If I were coaching – and I don’t coach people in weight loss – but if I were coaching people in weight loss, I would say, “No, why don’t you just figure out what behavior are you going to do every day involving nutrition and just do it every day and stay tuned and watch how you progress.”

You don’t have to have an outcome goal. Instead you’re focusing on what you do every day. If you miss one day, so what? Just do it the next day.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, excellent. Then what are your favorite tools in getting those behaviors to occur with that sort of daily or regular frequency is the tiny habit which I just love. Can you unpack what are tiny habits and how do they work?

BJ Fogg
Wow, I created this method called the Tiny Habits Method. It was a bit of an accident, where I was just goofing around with my own behavior and it started with me looking at the graphical version of my behavior model. It has two coordinates. It’s two dimensional figure that you can find online if you look at behavior model.

What that shows is if a behavior is easy, really, really easy, you don’t need a lot of motivation to do it, your motivation to be high or middle or low. When I saw that on my own model I was like, “Hm, that’s really interesting.”

If I instead of trying to floss all my teeth, what if I just floss one? If I instead of putting on all my sunscreen, just put on one drop? Will I be able to consistently perform that very simple behavior? Floss one tooth, put on one drop of sunscreen. It turned out that the answer was yes. You can be very consistent.

Then I started – there were ten people I recruited. I called them Team Yoda. I coached them in the method. It went really well. Then at one point I sat down and wrote up a five-day program that I thought I would share with a handful of friends. Well, fast-forward today, Tiny Habits method, which really emphasizes make it really, really simple and find where it fits naturally in your life and revise if it doesn’t work.

I’ve coached over 40,000 people now in that method, coached them personally through email. It’s grown in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. In fact, my forthcoming book is going to be called Tiny Habits. The broader scope is behavior design, but within behavior design, a special focus on the Tiny Habits method.

Pete Mockaitis
Could you give us a few examples of tiny habits and sort of the three components that kind of make them come together?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. What you do first and foremost, you take whatever behavior, let’s stick with flossing, and you make it really, really small. Because the fact is flossing all your teeth does take some effort. If you’re not very practiced, it might be painful and you might see some bleeding. All of those things are going to demotivate you in the future. You just scale it back, floss one tooth.

Then you find where does that tiny behavior fit naturally in my day, specifically, what does it come after. Flossing is an easy one. It comes naturally after you brush. Then, we call this a recipe in Tiny Habits, you create this phrase, “After I brush, I will floss one tooth.” You’re specifying when you’re going to do it, after what existing routine. Then what are you going to do? You’re going to floss one tooth.

That’s all you have to do. Now of course you can floss more. You can floss all your teeth. But the requirement is just one tooth. If you do one tooth and stop, you have succeeded. You tell yourself “I did a good job. Good for me,” and you move on. The two pieces there are make it tiny, find where it fits in your natural routine.

The third piece, and this is going to sound crazy to people, but this is really important is what we call celebration. As you’re doing the new habit or right after, you do something to make yourself feel a positive emotion. You might say, “Good for you,” or you might give yourself a thumbs up or a high five or a smile in the mirror.

What you’re doing with that is you’re firing off a positive emotion so your brain rewires and looks forward to doing that new behavior again.

In other words, I know it sounds crazy but it’s very effective, if you can fire off a positive emotion while you’re doing the new habit or immediately after, then you are cementing, you’re rooting that habit into your life. That’s what causes the habit to form.

It’s not number of repetitions. It’s not utility. It’s not other things that people have talked about for years. The bottom line in three words is ‘emotions create habits.’ In the Tiny Habits method you don’t leave the emotions to chance. It’s part of the method. It’s part of the technique of creating new habits quickly and easily.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s so great that emotions create habits. It seems like some of the habits that I’ve fallen into, it’s almost like I just happen to get a great emotion from the thing.

I remember it was last Thanksgiving, I guess I just sort of woke up earlier for no good reason. There was a treadmill. I was at my mom’s place. There was a treadmill. I was like, “I’m just going to do some walking here.” It would be hard to walk outside because it’s still sort of dark and it’s cold. “I’m just going to walk on this treadmill.” Sure enough, “And I’m going to drink some water.”

I felt pretty great. I was like, “Okay, let’s do that again.” It was like, “Hey, that feels pretty great.” Then I just kept doing it until before I knew it that was the thing that I really wanted to do always.

BJ Fogg
Good for you.

Pete Mockaitis
When we bought our home and I got my little home office set up, it’s like, “Well, where’s the treadmill going to go?” Just because Chicago winter it’s not so easy sometimes to put on all the stuff and go out in the crunchy, cold snowy environment. That’s more than enough to make me go, “Eh, no, I just think maybe I won’t do that.”

BJ Fogg
Right, well good for you. What I’m hearing in your story, and this is a … that you have that you may not have recognized. You allowed yourself to feel good. You allowed yourself to feel that positive emotion.

That – you watch high-performing athletes and they hit a good tennis serve or they make a three-point shot, what are they doing? They’re celebrating after. They’re raising their arms. They’re dancing around or whatever. I believe high-performing people are naturally good at celebrating behaviors that they want to become more frequent or they want to become automatic.

You want that three-point shot to become automatic. You don’t want to be thinking about it. As you watch sports, moving forward, if you thought I was crazy talking about celebrations, which will be most of you, next time you watch athletic performance, see what the top performers do when they do a behavior that they want to become more automatic or they want to repeat in the future.

Now a lot of people, and Pete, you may not be in this category, but a lot of people are very, very good at telling themselves they did a bad job, but they’re terrible at telling themselves they did a good job.

That’s one of the challenges when people learn the Tiny Habits method. Certainly one of our challenges in teaching it is giving people permission to tell yourself you did a good job and helping them find the technique to fire off that positive emotion. It’s different. Not everybody can go, “Good job BJ,” or give themselves a high five or do a fist pump or say, “That’s awesome.” You have to find what works for you.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s so good. I want to dig into a few examples here on all three of these ingredients, the celebration and then the prompt and the action. For celebration, while we’re having some fun with it, I’ll tell you one of my favorite little celebrations.

BJ Fogg
Okay.

Pete Mockaitis
I guess it’s linked to my childhood playing some video games like Mortal Combat.

BJ Fogg
Nice. Perfect.

Pete Mockaitis
Now that you’re bringing this to mind, it’s like I should probably do this more consistently. It’s almost sort of like happenstance. But I will say, because in the video game Mortal Combat if you defeated your opponent without suffering any damage, the announcer would say, “Flawless victory.”

BJ Fogg
Flawless victory. Nice.

Pete Mockaitis
Then your character would like bow. I will from time to time, usually when no one else is around, celebrate with ‘flawless victory” and then bow and it really does feel quite good because one I guess it’s linked to dominating my friends in video games and kind of feeling skilled or whatever in that moment.

BJ Fogg
Oh Pete.

Pete Mockaitis
And it’s just a little bit silly. It makes me giggle a little.

BJ Fogg
Good for you. Now you can use that as a deliberate technique anytime you do a behavior that you want to become more frequent. Let’s say you leave sweaters on the cabinet in your bedroom. Well, when you take that sweater and put it away, you can say…

Pete Mockaitis
Flawless victory.

BJ Fogg
And kind of chuckle and feel good and notice the next time you go to put it on the counter, you’ll brain will go, “Wait a minute, let’s put this away and then I can hear…”

Pete Mockaitis
Flawless victory.

BJ Fogg
Exactly. When I was – man, surfing, learning to surf. I had some challenges learning to surf, broke some ribs, separated – every year something would happen. Finally I said no more lay down surfing. I’m doing stand-up surfing, stand-up paddleboard surfing. I finally nailed it this year.

What I found myself doing naturally is as soon as I caught a wave and just the feeling of catching a wave is amazing to begin with, I would say, “You got it,” which is kind of crazy because other people might hear me say that and whatnot. But what I saw myself doing was I was affirming that you got it. This is what you do next time. Then I caught on and got pretty confident in catching waves.

There’s lots of things I can’t do surfing, but I did get to the point where I could go out and reliably surf. That is like any other habit you want to bring into your life. You’re not going to be perfect at the start. You’re going to fall in, just like you’ve fallen on surfing. You just keep going. You learn little by little and eventually you can nail it.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. I’d love it if you could just get a little bit of, I guess, no, a lot of multiplicity of examples in terms of you said, you had a few things for celebration: got it, awesome, flawless victory, thumbs up, high five. Could you rattle off a few more quick celebrations people can do?

BJ Fogg
Sometimes it’s, “Whohoo.” One of mine, I have a range of them. I use different ones at different times. One will be a sound effect like, do, do, do, doo, like the castle. I don’t use this one, but some of the people I’ve – we’ve trained and sort of had coaches in this, but some of them go think “Ahhh,” like the crowd cheering for them. One of mine, just my go-to one is like, “Way to go BJ.” I just say, “Way to go BJ” to myself.

Then I will – you shared something from your childhood, so I’ll share mine. If I really need a powerful celebration, let’s say, it’s not quite a tiny habit or let’s say that I need to form the habit really fast, then I pull out the big powerful celebration.

For me what that is is I’m thinking of my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Bondy Eddy in Fresno, California. She says, “You did a good job.” For whatever reason, that’s really powerful. I imagine her saying, “You did a good job.” That fires off the emotion in me.

Pete Mockaitis
What I love about these is that they’re so varied. In a way I kind of delight in the weirdness or the eccentricity of it because it’s personal and it’s vulnerable.

But I guess, maybe this is a – here’s a book in here somewhere, but it seems like to achieve kind of great results in things, it seems like you can either put a lot of time, energy, effort into something, you can spend a lot of money on that something or you can just do something very different and slash weird in terms of your paths to victory.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
I would much prefer the weird path than the expensive path.

BJ Fogg
Well, I tend to be a real goofball, so doing things like celebrating was natural for me. Then when I talked about it, I found it wasn’t natural for everybody.

But I know this Tiny Habits method will sound strange to some people, but step back and look at the traditional ways that you’ve tried to change your behavior and evaluate. Did those work? Probably not very well. This method is about making it really easy. It’s easy to start. It’s easy to do consistently. That really matters.

When you fail – I don’t really use that word. When you don’t floss one tooth, when you don’t do the two pushups, it’s not a very big issue. It’s like no big deal. It’s like a baby taking a stumble.

Also, one of things I learned later about the method was because you’re changing your life gradually, it doesn’t prompt people around you to sabotage you. I did not know that happened until I started doing a little more work with Weight Watchers.

The reality there, unfortunately, and it happens more broadly than that, is sometimes when somebody tries to change in a big and dramatic way and they announce it, people – and I don’t know if it’s malicious or well-intended – they’ll say, “Well, you’re going through a phase,” or “Here’s the last time you tried this,” and so on. Sometimes the sabotage is active, which is really unfortunate.

If you are just doing two pushups every time after you pee or if you’re just flossing one tooth and eventually flossing all your teeth and if you’re taking care of your skin and you just kind of ninja redesign your life in ways that eventually people will notice, but nobody will step in right away and sabotage you.

I hope it hasn’t happened to many people listening to this, but it is a reality. There is a social factor of non-support that can happen when you try to transform your life.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s true and it’s unfortunate. But picking up on the strange element for a second though.

When you said the crowd goes wild, “Rar,” in a way that seems so natural because I think as a child this is something I did all the time with regard to – I didn’t even play a lot of sports as a kid. But it’s sort of natural to sort of imagine that scenario and the crowd going wild. I think that if you rewind and reflect upon childhood, these sorts of celebrations were just normal par for the course.

BJ Fogg
I think you’re exactly right. You’re exactly right. I haven’t studied it scientifically, but it does seem that as kids we are natural celebrators. At some point it got pushed out of us. In some countries when I share this, they think I’m insane. It’s like, “Oh, that’s a crazy California woo-woo thing.”

But if you look at babies and I have gone online to watch babies start learning to walk. As they do something like walk further, sometimes they will clap their hands or they’ll shake their arms like, “Look, what I-“ I think they are reinforcing the walking behavior. I think it’s hardwired into them.

If the mom or dad is there also cheering them on, they’re accelerating creating the habit of walking, doing the movements that lead to successful walking. If you look at what athletes do, you look at how babies learn to walk, just go to YouTube and type in ‘baby learning to walk,’ you will see what we’re calling celebration. It’s that emotional wiring in in your behavior.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s powerful. We have a five-month old at home. I’ve been seeing this too. When he successfully rolls over, particularly from the front – I’m thinking my front, my sides messed up. He’s lying on his stomach and he goes to his back, that’s the tougher one it seems.

BJ Fogg
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
He’ll look right at us and smile, so it’s like, “Yeah!” Something significant has occurred here. We celebrate him.

BJ Fogg
If people can embrace that, if people can say, “Wow,” that’s how Tiny Habits is a way to change your life through feeling successful. That matters. And by being playful. And by not getting all tense.

The old traditional way is, “Oh, you’ve got to get all wound up and if you don’t do it then you fail. Here’s a black mark on the calendar.” It’s about getting you to change through making you feel guilty. I’m kind of exaggerating that a little bit.

But the point – one of the takeaway points is you change better when you’re playful, when you’re flexible, when you recognize your successes. The things that don’t go as you intended, don’t worry about it, just move on.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. We covered, again, numerous sets of options for celebration. I’d also like to hear when it comes to the prompt. We’ve heard after you brush your teeth or after you pee. What are some other great prompts that are just superb hooks or places to put a tiny habit?

BJ Fogg
Anything you do reliably. Just watch yourself. What are the routines you do every day? You could even make a list of those. Then when you find something like, “Oh, I turn on the shower every day that means I can insert a behavior right after that routine. What might it be?”

In my own life, and I will answer questions about what the prompts are, in my own life what I find fits right there is after I turn on the shower, I think about one aspect of my body for which I’m grateful. It can be even something quite abstract like, my skin stretches or that I healed this little cut or something like that.

Just watch what you do every day. Typical ones are you put your feet on the floor and there’s a tiny habit for that, you pee, you brush your teeth, you start the coffee maker, you start the dishwasher, you buckle up in the car or you sit down on the train, etcetera. Anything you do reliably can be the prompt, the thing that reminds you to do the new habit that you want.

Now in the Tiny Habits method, we call that an anchor. Your existing outline I decided to call an anchor because I thought well, here’s this stable thing in your life that you’re attaching the new behavior to.

Getting out of bed in the morning is a stable thing. Pretty much everybody does that. Pretty much everybody pees in the morning. Pretty much everybody – not everybody gets in a car, but start the coffee maker. Pretty much everybody brushes their teeth. That’s a great anchor, the thing that serves to prompt flossing.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Then when it comes to the actual action, anything you can dream of that you’d like done and it’s tiny, but I’d love to get your take coaching 40,000 people, what are some of the tiny actions that just have profound ripple effects?

BJ Fogg
The superpowers. Yeah, superpowers. Yay.

One, and I did a whole TED talk just on this one, is as soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning, as soon as you stand up or touch the floor, say, “It’s going to be a great day.” Those words, “It’s going to be a great day,” seven words. Even if you don’t believe it, say it. What you’ll find is it changes the trajectory of your day.

That’s one of those things that a lot of people do it. I devoted a whole TED talk to it because I felt it was so important. People get back in touch with me all the time saying, “Oh my gosh, you changed my life.” In fact in one case, a woman said you saved my life with – I call it the Maui habit. She said you saved my life with the Maui habit. Wow.

Another one, totally different category that I would suggest is work in two pushups or two squats into your day. A good place to put those is after you pee. Most people – I did the research – I didn’t do the research. I looked up studies on this and people pee about seven times a day. Let’s say five of those times are during daylight hours.

That’s means you’ve got to do – my tiny habit recipe is after I pee I will do two pushups. I’ve been doing that for years now. I’ve done a lot of pushups and I’ve gotten a lot stronger. Some people – I work mostly from home. I don’t do it at Stanford. I don’t do it at public buildings.

You can do more than two. Today I started out with 15. Yesterday I might have done 25 first thing in the morning. But today I got down to do two pushups and the phone rang. I finished the second one. I picked up the phone and it was like I did it.

In the Tiny Habits mindset, the tiny behavior is always okay. If there’s some reason that I only floss one tooth, if there’s some reason I only did two pushups, yay, good for me. I got it done. I didn’t sweat it.

Pushups or squats, that is a really helpful thing. One is a kind of mindset shift. The other one is there’s something about pushups that people tell me it’s a gateway exercise to doing other things. That would be a couple that I put really high on the list. And of course flossing. That goes without saying.

Floss, your dentist will love you.

Pete Mockaitis
There’s some more. Let’s keep it going. I’m wondering maybe about hydration. That could be easy and powerful.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, what I’ve got right here is a glass of water. At a certain point in my morning after I put down my breakfast plate, I fill a glass with water and I walk in and put it here.

I don’t have my little bowl of vitamins here because I’ve already taken them, so I’ve returned it. There’s a time when I – it’s not take the vitamins, it’s put the vitamins in a little dish because I find that actually taking the vitamins is too hard.

The tiny behavior there is what we call a starter step. Just get the vitamins, put them in a dish, and then I put it here on my desk. Then at some point during the day, I take – I don’t know. I just take them during the day when I’m drinking the water so I get that done.

Certainly there’s – this is quite a tiny behavior, but I go into – I have – I created a gym in my garage. Every morning I go out there and do a specific thing depending on what I’m – first thing in the morning even though my real workout happens in the afternoon.

Right now I’m getting on to a vibration plate made by BulletProof that vibrates at 30,000 second or 30 – I don’t know what it does. It just vibrates you like crazy. I decided I wanted to do that for a period of time to see how it goes.

In the morning I go do that. If I go for five seconds and I’ve had enough, I get off. But it never ends at five seconds really, though I could and be okay with it. It usually expands and expands. Now I’m doing all sort of things on the vibration plate from pushups to squats to – I was even doing yoga yesterday on it, like keeping one part of my body on the plate for any kind of yoga move and that was interesting.

Maybe that’s not the best example, but maybe the takeaway there is play around with your behavior, be flexible, explore, have fun with it. You don’t have to be perfect. If some day you don’t want that habit, like some days yeah, I don’t want to do the vibration plate anymore, that’s fine. Let it go.

Do something else with that – basically it’s real estate – with that real estate in your day. You can do something else with it.

Pete Mockaitis
I like the notion of real estate there because it kind of reminds me of I am sort of organizing or cleaning a space. There are times in which you find that something just fits perfectly, like, “Oh, these Tupperware storage containers are absolutely perfect when stacked and rotated in this way, put on that shelf. Aha, it’s where they fit. It’s where they belong.” It just works forever.

It’s kind of for me, even though I’m not super tidy, it’s kind of exhilarating. When you say, “Ah, that is where that that fits perfectly and where it belongs and so it shall be.” To liken your own day and behavioral landscape similarly totally makes sense.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, that’s right on, right on. Let me go a little further with that. People often ask how long does it take to create a habit. I don’t know why people ask that because there’s no simple answer.

If you pick a tiny behavior you want and if you find where it fits in your day naturally, that habit will just click. It will just come together and it will feel like magic, like, “Oh my gosh, I’m doing these pushups just without thinking,” or “I’m tidying my desk,” or “I’m flossing,” what have you.

If it doesn’t, if you create a recipe, if you go, “I’m going to put pushups after breakfast. After breakfast, I’ll do pushups.” I can pretty much tell you that’s not going to work well for a few reasons. But let’s say you do that and it doesn’t work. Revise. Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t put a Post It note up to remind you. Just go, “Oh, I put it in the wrong spot of my day. Let me find another spot.”

Just like you would if you put a chair, you bought a new chair and you bring it into your living room and you put it somewhere and it’s like that didn’t really work there. You move it somewhere else and you go on with life. You don’t get down on yourself you put the chair in the wrong spot. You revise and you revise and you revise until you find the right spot.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. I want to get a quick tidbit and this could probably be a whole other interview, but when it comes to – you talk a lot about behavioral change internally for yourself, one person. If you want to encourage behavioral change in others or at work or on teams, what are some of the best practices?

BJ Fogg
Let me split this into two buckets. One bucket we won’t go to unless you tell me to. If you’re trying to get people to change in ways they don’t want to change, yeah, there’s approaches to that, but let’s not go there unless you really want me to.

Let’s take the other one, where people are open to change when they want to change. What you need to do in that case is match them with a behavior or a new habit that will help them reach their aspiration.

Let’s say somebody comes to me and says, “Oh, I just really want to be more productive.” Okay, that’s an aspiration. You have the opportunity at that point to give them a very specific behavior that would help them be more productive. Now there are dozens if not hundreds of options in the specific behavior.

That’s where the art and the genius of behavior change comes in. I call it behavior matching. You need to match that person with a behavior number one that will take them to their aspiration. There’s three characteristics.

Number one, it needs to lead them toward their aspiration, say of being more productive because if it doesn’t have impact, then it’s a bad match. Number two, it needs to be a behavior that they want to do, at least part of them wants to do. Don’t match them with something they don’t want to do. Number three, it needs to be a behavior they can do.

Notice those last two. One is they need to have motivation and they need to have ability. Notice the requirements of the two of the three characteristics for behavior matching is make sure they have some motivation for it and ability. Then, of course, it needs to have impact. It needs to lead to their aspiration.

If you can match people effectively, you don’t have to worry about motivating them because they already want to do it. Then all you have to worry about is what’s going to prompt the behavior. What’s going to remind them to do the behavior? In the Tiny Habits method you find an existing routine, but there are other ways to prompt to remind people.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. BJ, tell me, anything else you really want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

BJ Fogg
Well, I’m surprised I’m saying this, but I will. One, I looked over some research that had about 3,000 entries of how people – habits people wanted to stop. It listed their habits and how they felt about it and so on. I skimmed through it and when I got to the end of that I was like, “Oh my gosh, people are so hard on themselves. They’re so worried about the smallest little habits that are no big deal.”

I guess, and this is becoming a bigger part of my work, which is I guess why I’m bringing it up now, people just need to have more compassion for themselves and more – man, just don’t expect yourself to be perfect.

I’ll explain that a little bit more. Especially in today’s world, in today’s climate of fighting and discord and harshness, there’s got to be a group of us who are more compassionate and understanding and accepting of those around us and we need to do that for ourselves as well.

Just I guess in some ways lighten up, in some ways lower your standards or be more patient with the process of change. Just have – here’s the metaphor I’m writing into my book. I’ll share this. Here’s this little baby that’s just learning to walk. She’s taking these small steps forward and once in a while she tumbles and she gets up. When the baby tumbles, you don’t get mad at her, right?

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

BJ Fogg
She just gets back up and progresses. If you, yourself, is that little baby that’s trying to do this hard thing, like eat differently or sleep better or exercise consistently, and you’re just taking these little baby steps, you’re learning how to make it work, you’re going to have tumbles, don’t get down on yourself, just realize that’s part of the process and just get up and keep going.

Pete Mockaitis
How about a favorite book?

BJ Fogg
Well, the book I’m reading right now. I have many, many favorite books, but the book I just picked up that I’m reading is called The Natural Navigator: The Rediscovered Art of Letting Nature be Your Guide. It tells you – it’s terribly impractical for everyday life, but, again, it’s connecting to nature theme.

It tells you how do you find your way and navigate your way in the world if you don’t have any instruments and how to use the wind and the sun and the stars and all of that. It’s just fascinating.

Pete Mockaitis
Thank you. How about a favorite tool?

BJ Fogg
Wow, many, many favorite tools. One of them, I’ll pick a behavior change tool. One of them is a little timer that I have that’s very, very easy to set.

If there’s something that I’m procrastinating like looking over a legal document or filing my finances or things I don’t like, I take the time and I set it for three minutes or seven minutes. I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to file these papers for three minutes. As soon as the timer goes off, I can stop.”

Now, what happens is almost always, once you get going you keep going, but see you trick yourself with this tool into getting started.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Now, this timer, is it a – how do I get it?

BJ Fogg
Well, I will send you a link to it. It’s a little kitchen timer. It’s a very, very small one.

One of my students just sent me a different timer. I happen to have it right here that’s a cube. I’m playing around with this. As you turn the cube it has – this one has 1, 5, 10 and 15 on it – as you turn it on its side to 1, it starts and it flashes. Then when it’s done it will go off and you set it upright and it ends.

I’m goofing around with this new – because he sent it to me. He’s like, “This is even easier than your timer.” He knows that I’m obsessed with simplicity, so I’m trying this one.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool, thank you. Tell me, is there a particular nugget that you share that really seems to connect and resonate and get folks retweeting and repeating it back to you?

BJ Fogg
Well, one of the surprises was after I read that research on how hard people are on themselves, I just said, “Man, maybe we all just need to lower our standards a little bit.” People really resonated with that.

There is just so many people that are feeling defeated and just beaten down and so on. Social media is not helping. Just kind of remember what I said about – three minutes ago about you don’t have to be perfect. Just have compassion for yourself. Just recognize your successes and don’t let your failures get to you.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. If folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

BJ Fogg
BJFogg.com is kind of the launch point. You can go to TinyHabits.com as well. But if you go to BJFogg.com, eventually it points you out to other places. Yeah, there’s stuff there about how behavior works, behavior design, Tiny Habits, some pointers to my earlier projects that had to do with experiments around computers influencing people’s behavior and so on.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. Here it is. Right down an aspiration you have. You may think of it as a goal, whatever you want to call it. Write it down. Then spend five minutes and come up with specific behaviors that would lead you to the aspiration.

Let’s say you want to be a better public speaker, “I want to be a-“ write that down. Then think well, what behavior could I do that would lead me to become a better public speaker. It might be watch TED talks, read a book on public speaking, sign up to give presentations at work, hire a speaking coach, and so on.

Come up with ten or so behaviors and then choose one or two and execute on those. What you’ve done in that exercise is you’ve gone pretty quickly through the behavior design flow, what’s the aspiration, what are the behavior options. Don’t just guess. Come up with a bunch and then match yourself with one or two of those and then move forward on those.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. Well, BJ thank you so much for taking this time and sharing the goods. It’s been inspiring for me and everyone I’ve shared it with individually. It’s great to be able to do this on a bigger scale here with the whole listenership. It’s been a treat. Thank you and best of luck.

BJ Fogg
Pete, thanks so much. Thanks so much.

285: Upgrading Your Promotion Potential with Terra Winston

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Terra Winston says: "Stop looking at everything on your to-do list as having equal value to the people around you."

Terra Winston sheds light to the main pieces of getting promoted: learning precisely who promotes you and what they value.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The two major considerations for anyone who wants to be promoted
  2. Goal-setting considerations to align yourself with your boss’s needs
  3. Why and how to promote yourself

About Terra

Terra Winston is the Ringleader of inTerractions and Principal of inTerract Consulting.  For over 20 years she has impacted thousands of people through her leadership programs and coaching.  A life-long learner, she has channeled her passions into success in multiple arenas, from engineering to HR, from Corporate America to entrepreneurship.  Terra holds a BS in Systems Engineering from the University of Virginia, an MBA from Stanford, coaching certification from CTI, and a not-so-secret passion for Doctor Who.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Terra Winston Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Terra, hello and welcome to How To Be Awesome At Your Job.

Terra Winston

Hi, I’m so excited to be here.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, thank you.  I’m excited to have you.  And I learned a little bit about you, and one thing is that you have a passion for Doctor Who.  Tell us about this.

Terra Winston

Oh Pete, I do, I really do.  And I have to say this is what happens when you don’t have good cable coverage.

Pete Mockaitis

You’ve got to go to the UK.

Terra Winston

You end up following monsters.  Actually there was a point in time when all the cable companies switched over to digital.  And so I had a TV in my bedroom that didn’t have a cable box, and I was like, “Am I going to pay money for my bedroom?  No, I’m not.”  And what that relegated me to was 13 beautiful channels, just 13.  So I found myself at times at night, “No, I don’t want the news.  No, I don’t want the infomercial.  Hey, what is this?”
And there I found this crazy British show with some of the worst special effects I’ve ever seen.  But, it wasn’t the news or an infomercial.  And so, I started watching it in the background and I fell in love with it.  And I think what still connects me – and I know there are tons of people just like me come out the shadows and admit it, that are Doctor Who fans – is the promise of exploring all of space and time.  And as a learner, that to me is all the possibilities.  Why wouldn’t I want to follow that?

Pete Mockaitis

Well, it does sound like fun.  And I’ve never actually seen the show.  In prepping for this interview, I just was pulling up Wikipedia and YouTube.  It was like, “Okay, I know Doctor Who is a show.  UK, sci-fi.”  But I’ve heard of it many, many, many times, but never actually seen it.  And so, I understand the latest – this is no spoiler, this is in the news – the latest regeneration of Doctor Who for the first time is a woman.

Terra Winston

It’s a huge deal in the Who-verse. But it’s, like I said, all the possibilities.  How wonderful is that, that you can have a legacy character and it can grow with the times?  Quite frankly, if we looked at some of our other long-standing television shows, you kind of wish they would evolve, right?

Pete Mockaitis

James Bond will be a woman next time.  Janette Bond.

Terra Winston

Yeah, Janette Bond.  But yeah, you don’t want to know where she hides the gun.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, well, I think we’re warmed up.  Thank you.  So tell us, what’s your company, inTerractions, all about?  Which is a very clever name – you have the capital T for the Terra in the middle of inTerractions.  What’s the story here?
Terra Winston

First of all, the name is one that people are always wondering.  I will tell you this is what happens when you try to buy an URL, and everything is taken.  Even crazy words like “Google” are taken.  You have to start resorting to slamming your name in the middle of words, just to see what works.  But inTerractions for me is a place that helps good people do great things.  And so, I get to work with individuals and entrepreneurs and leaders and even whole teams, and help knock down all the barriers that keep them from fulfilling their highest potential.  And so whether I’m doing coaching or whether my team is doing training, or even facilitation or consulting, we’re really about problem-solving, and get all that mess out of the way so that you can be your best.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  And so, in learning about you something that really resonated for me as a potential fit between what you know and what my listeners want to know, is, you do some real work with professionals about getting promoted, and how that is done.  And so, I’d love to get your take here.  You’ve talked to a lot of people in a lot of environments and backgrounds, and you’ve had the fortune of going deep with that – Coaches CTI Training, oh yeah.  So, tell us – how should we start thinking about it?  If folks are looking to get promoted, what’s sort of your main philosophy or orienting principles to start the journey?

Terra Winston

So now, Pete, I have to warn you – I’m from Jersey originally, and what that means is I’m very practical.  And that’s how I dig into my work as a coach.  And I think back to my time in HR, my time as a coach, and all the various Industries and leaders I’ve worked with, and I will tell you this – I repeat the same advice for anyone who wants to get promoted.
Number one – understand who promotes you, and then number two – understand what they value.  And often times people get that mixed up.  So, it is very rare in an organization that only your manager has a responsibility and the ability to promote you by themselves.  It usually requires enrolling people.  Chances are there’s a conference room full of folks – probably your bosses, peers, and the manager above that, probably HR, and there may even be some other hangers-on that all kind of get in this conversation and have to vet whether or not someone can be promoted.  And if you’re not aware of that, it’s very easy to think that you’re killing it, in terms of your work, but not realizing that there are other factors at play.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh Terra, I love that so much.  This reminds me when I was an intern at Bain and I was all about getting that job offer, and I had a sort of like an “a-ha” moment, in which I assumed that the manager was the person who made the decision – that’s what I was told.  And so, I was working closely with this guy – Kyle – who was awesome, and his title was Senior Associate Consultant.  And so we were doing the day-to-day work, but Kyle was so cool and friendly, and I just thought we were like buds.  And so then he was talking about, “Hey, they’ve made some mistakes here, we’ve got to really sharpen some things up for the offer.”  And I said, “Oh, isn’t it the manager who makes the offer?”  And he’s like, “Well yeah, but I have the primary input into that decision because I’m kind of day-to-day working with you and seeing what you can do.”  And I said, “Oh wait, I’m supposed to be dazzling you?” [laugh] “I thought we were just buds, Kyle.”  And he was like, “Well, yes, I would like to be dazzled.”  And it was like, “Okay, thank you.  This was helpful.”

Terra Winston

It’s so true, and it’s not always easy.  And I will tell you, I have actually coached people who have been in organizations for 10-15 years, and the landscape can change.  And so the people who were involved in promoting you five years ago – the organization may have reworked, the power structure could have changed, just in terms of politics.  And all of a sudden you find out the people that were involved in your
promotion before aren’t as involved anymore.  So you’ve got to stay on top of that.

Pete Mockaitis

And I’m intrigued, to what extent is… Because you’ve worked with many different organizations.  To what extent is this kind of quiet and shrouded in mystery – the Council of Elders who make the determination, versus it’s very much clearly out in the open?  Or how do you gather that information?  Is it as easy as saying, “Hey, who all makes the decision?”  Or how do you get it?

Terra Winston

You’d actually be surprised.  Most of it is actually pretty open, but we just don’t think about it.  So, for bigger companies – I say mid-size and bigger companies that have the annual career planning, management planning process – they usually start at some point with you being given goals and objectives, a junior manager sits down with, and then there is a point in the mid-year when you talk about your career and how you’re doing against your goals.  And at the end of the year they’ll get your review, and that will then lead to next year, and usually maybe some money involved.
Now, what’s going along with that that’s often called the performance management process – there’s a backend to that.  So when your manager takes back your objectives or your ratings, they go into a meeting with, usually their peers, or some subset of their peers, and they are talking about you versus someone else on another team.  That process is usually very clearly outlined.  And if you were to ask your manager, “Well, how do you guys come to the ratings?” or, “What’s the process where you guys determine who gets promoted?” – they can very clearly tell you.  We just don’t ask.
And it usually isn’t something that involves you to be involved in, and so they don’t think to tell you.  So at least get the primary players.  Now all the influencers, some of that – it’s a matter of asking some people who may have been there.  That’s where mentors and sponsors come in great in an organization, but you should be able to very clearly figure out who the group is.  Now, for those of us who work in smaller organizations, it may be a single line.  It could very well be your manager and then the owner of the business.  Or if your manager is the owner of the business – ta-da!  You know exactly who makes all the decisions.  But you should be able to ask and get 90% of the way there.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s good, thank you.  Alright, and so then when you talked about the goals, I want to get your take on. How often are the stated goals the real goals, versus, should you push harder and get after something that actually matters more to your boss, and your boss’s boss, and the organization at large?

Terra Winston

Okay, I love this question, because remember, I said there were two pieces.  It was knowing who promotes you and knowing what they value.  And so the goals that you have are very similar to your job description, and they list what your role should be.  Now that doesn’t tell you anything necessarily about what it takes to get ahead.  What that tells you is what your minimum expectations are.  And we tend to get that a little bit twisted.
When it comes to the realities, your manager and everyone that promotes you – they’re humans, with all the beautifulness and the flaws of being human.  So there will be some things that may be on your plate that are more interesting to them, because it makes them look good, or it may be something they’re more concerned about, or maybe they just happen to love that area.  So, there will be things that are on your plate that they go, “Ooh!”, and there will be things that are on your plate that they go, “Okay.”

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah.  And the side effects really help actually.  I like that.

Terra Winston

So in my very scientific way.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, because I think you’re right – some of them go, “Ooh”, because it’s like, “Ooh, there’s a lot of dollars associated with this and that’s very exciting.”  And other times it’s not even rational like that; it’s like, “Yeah, that is a dumb process that we’ve had for a long time, and I hate it.  And oh, you’re going to go fix it once and for all – ooh, that is exciting to me.  I value that and it gets me going, even if maybe the size of the prize in dollar terms might not be that huge.”

Terra Winston
Exactly.  And I’ve coached people who have lost promotions to peers who didn’t stack up the same amount of numbers, that didn’t deliver on all the objectives in the same way, and then it feels very hurtful.  But what they did do were things that were either visible or highly valued to the people who make the decisions.  And that’s not fair, but that’s reality – so getting a sense for kind of what those things are.
And I’ll tell you the other piece – goals can also be very misleading.  I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve been brought in, where the leadership in the organization says, “This person is not ready to be promoted.  They have everything that they need but they’re still not ready.”  And when I ask what is that thing holding them back, it may be something like executive presence.  Do they have the gravitas, do they have the temperament, are they showing up as a leader?  Nothing to do with their work.  And then I go and I meet with the individual and I say, “Why do you think you haven’t been promoted?”  And the person says, “I’m not working hard enough.  I just need to deliver on these goals.”

Pete Mockaitis

Powerful disconnect.

Terra Winston

Powerful disconnect.  And it’s so easy to run yourself into a corner and then be really disillusioned.  That’s how good people get lost.  And so, paying attention to the goals is great.  Understanding what people value, and that is what they value in terms of the task and what they value in terms of the relationship and the being of a leader.

Pete Mockaitis

Yes, that’s great.  And so, when it comes to getting a sense for what they value, I think one action step is just to observe – where are their “Oohs” versus “Uhhs”, and really seem engaged and asking follow-up questions and their eyes are getting brighter?  So, what are some other pro tips for gathering this intelligence on what the folks value?

Terra Winston

So people will always ask about a lot; the things that matter to them.  So, when you get to a one-on-one or when you happen to be talking those infamous elevator conversations and you’re kind of bumping into people and they say, “Hey, how’s that so-and-so project going?” – that tells you that that’s something that’s big enough on their mind.  They didn’t ask you how that report B1716C paperwork was going.  So, they will tell you with attention.
Also pay attention to town halls or announcements.  What are the types of projects or programs or initiatives that get the big billing, and then kind of where does that trickle down to your work?  In those places you can tell that those are important initiatives to people.
And last resort is, sit down and talk to your manager or talk to someone else and say, “I’m working on all these things.  What do you think is the most exciting piece?”  Now, what you’re not asking is, “Where should I put my energy?”  Because they’re going to tell you, “Everything”, because that is the responsible thing to say.  But, “Tell me, of all the work that I’m working on, what do you think is the most exciting for the company?”  Or, “Give me your opinion.”  Their opinions will let you get a glimpse into the things that turn them on.  You can hear it in their voice at that point.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, that’s good.  Okay.  Well, maybe could you give us a story or an example that can make some of this stuff come to life here?

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  So actually I want to continue the story about the poor guy who thought he had to work harder to get his promotion.  And it was interesting because as a coach I can’t come in and say, “I’ve spoken to everyone and they say that your work is great, but you just don’t seem like a leader.”  And I will tell you the frustration that I had is they absolutely said to me, “He just doesn’t seem like it, and we can’t articulate why.”
And I come to this poor person and I had to observe him and get a sense for how he showed up in the room.  And I will tell you the little things that we did – and I think this is the important piece of it – remember, it was about presence.  The piece that was so critical is, he just needed to show up with more power.  And so, the things that we worked on, Pete, believe it or not, was where he sat in the room, to the pacing, we looked at the way that he was dressed and the way that he delegated to people while in the room, because he was a servant-leader, he was someone who was so gracious, he was the exact kind of person that you want to be a leader, not one of these blowhard people.  But he was getting exiled because people couldn’t see how great he was.  He didn’t always deliver in his confidence.
But understanding number one, what is the culture of success?  So there’s a success profile in every organization – good, bad or indifferent.  When you look at the types of people that get the best opportunities, the people that get promoted, that move up fast – you will start to look and see patterns.  And so, where those patterns are will give you a sense for the types of attributes, leadership attributes that are valued for a success profile.  And you start to look at where are their gaps.
So, “These people always seem to be very extroverted; I tend to be very introverted.”  Now the answer is not then to change who you are.  But the answer’s to figure out how to use your strengths to deliver the same general feel.  So for this guy, who tended to be a bit introverted, and like I said, the nicest of people, to show power… There’s one version of power that bangs on the table, but we worked on showing power by granting power to others.  And so, understanding that part of how he was showing up and how it then related to how he got his goals done, we were able to get him over this hump.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah, that’s intriguing, when you talk about the profiles of power and the patterns that show up.  I once was doing some Myers-Briggs coaching 101 for all of these rising executives at an international beverage company.  We’ll not say any names.  And it was fascinating how time and time again it was like extroversion, extroversion, extroversion was popping up.  And sometimes as part of the coaching, trying to help them see the value of different preferences and all that, I was like, “So can you think of some folks that you work with who prefer introversion?”  And some of them were like, “No.” [laugh] I was like, “Really?  This isn’t going how I expected.”  But it was startling.
Then when I did talk to a couple of those who preferred introversion, it was almost like they were in the closet.  It was like, “Oh yeah, what I really like is just to be able to think about things for a while.”  It’s so exhausting being around these folks.  And so, I think that’s interesting to highlight that explicitly.  And you said good, bad, indifferent, and I like that because at times I think you’ll notice that you may not just resonate with that.  I think I’ve seen in some organizations it’s like, “Wait a minute.  This rock star – I notice time and time again this person seems to be doing all this extra work that doesn’t really seem urgent or essential, but she just busts it out time after time after time.  And oh, there she is, getting an earlier promotion.”  It’s like, “Oh, so I guess we love that around here.”  It sort of opens your eyes there.

Terra Winston

It absolutely does, and that’s why knowing who promotes you starts to play into this.  So say I am one of those introverts in that extrovert international beverage company that you talked about.  And I feel like I need to be heard but people can’t hear me in big groups.  I may schedule one-on-ones with some of the people that are in the promotion room.  Now you don’t schedule meetings to say, “I want to talk to you so that you can say something nice about me when it comes time for promotion”, but you start to build those relationships.  You casually drop in some of the work that you’ve been doing that they may not hear about because your voice just isn’t as loud as everyone else’s.  When they get into the room they will then be able to access that.  So you play them together.

Pete Mockaitis

And so I’d love to get your take here, in terms of, this is an issue that comes up with listeners frequently – they’ll say they get feedback that they are great, they’re doing great work, they’re a top performer and all this stuff, they’re very impressive in these ways, but “Oh, unfortunately there are just no advancement opportunities available.”  So, I’d love you take, Terra, on when you hear that message, what are your options?

Terra Winston

Right.  So first, you’re totally allowed to go home and grab a drink and be really mad.  That is by far…  I grant you permission to feel that way, because I think one of the dirty little secrets about organizations is that they actually don’t exist solely to help you manage your career.  They actually are doing their business.  And so, it really is this lovely combination of, are you ready, and is there an opportunity that the company needs?  And so it can be really frustrating when those two things don’t line up.  So number one – I don’t want you to have despair.  That’s not about you.  I think sometimes we take that as a hit to ourselves.
But after you do that, whilst you’re waiting for a position to open, know that you own your career, so if you can’t get promoted in the company, you should be promoting yourself in your own role.  And this is what I mean: So a promotion is someone giving you a bigger scope, a bigger impact, bigger responsibility or a new experience.  That technically is what a promotion is.  I know we all tend to think of the extra money that comes with it, and the title.  But really, a promotion is about increasing your impact in some kind of way.  So you do that.  So talk to your manager.  Think about, “Okay, I’m working on this one project and it impacts our region.  What can I do that maybe will cross several regions, or multiple functions?  What type of additional work can I do?  Can I look at my manager’s plate and offer to take something off of that, so that I can grow my expertise?”
So you should be increasing your scope.  So basically you’re going to give yourself your own promotion.  By doing that when something else comes up – and it always will, because business changes so fast – you will have demonstrated skills, impact at the next level.  Sometimes that gap is what people believe we can do, versus what they’ve seen us do.  So you’ve already demonstrated that and made it very visible.  And by the way, even if you decide not to stay in the organization, you can then use that extra experience to parlay yourself into a promotion somewhere else.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s good.  And so, I’d like to think a little bit here, do you have any pro tips sort of in the bite-sized department?  Any tips, tools, tactics, favorite scripts or key phrases, sentences you love to say or suggest to folks when they’re playing this game?

Terra Winston

So I’ve got two.  One you can use immediately and one that may take you a little bit longer.  So the first one, the quick one: “Likability is the killer app.”  It always, always is the killer app.  So we tend to work with people that we like.  We give people extra chances if we like them.  If we’ve built some type of connection, if you make a mistake I’m more likely to give you some grace for it.  I’m more likely to see your potential if I think that you’re someone that’s likable.
And what happens – we have all these wonderfully nice people when we work with them as peers, but they go into a meeting with someone who maybe has some influence, and they’re so focused on proving their credibility that they let nerves erode the personality that they have.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, yeah.

Terra Winston

So, I work with executives and I have some executives that will call me before they go into major meetings, and we’ll just run through kind of what they need to cover.  And number one is usually, “They called you into this meeting because they know how good you are.  You just need to make them like you.”  And so, what I tend to tell anyone going into networking at all is, number one – you want them to like you, number two – you want them to think you’re smart, number three – maybe you want to stay connected.  Nothing else matters.  You don’t have to convince them to marry you on the first date, right?  So, likability is the thing that you can start today.  Let your personality shine through, let people see how great you are, and make that connection and it will take you so much further.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, thank you.

Terra Winston

So the longer term one is actually some of the best career advice I’ve ever gotten.  I can’t take credit for it, because someone gave it to me.  And what he said to me was, “It’s always easy to stand out when you have a job or a role that does not have many peers.”  So if you think about in a typical company maybe there’s an army of accountants, or there’s HR people in every region, and all those things.
When you do really well, you have to do exceptionally well to stand out from the crowd, because everyone’s doing well.  Or you may stand out because you had a particularly bad year.  But when there’s lots of comparison points it’s really hard to stand out.  But if you’re willing to take a risk and take a role that maybe does not have as many peers… So, “I was an accountant but I’m going to work on this new turnaround.”  So it just feels different, then they don’t have as many people to compare it to.  So every victory looks like a bigger victory.

Pete Mockaitis

I love that.  And right now I’m thinking because I’m creating this course and I’m working with designers.  I’m thinking about how easily impressed I am by the output of designers, just because I’m so terrible at drawing.  I think I know what’s good when I see it, kind of, but in terms of actually if I get into Photoshop I shouldn’t be trusted with much, just like basically rearranging things symmetrically is about what you can trust me with there.
So, I’m depending on these designers and I’m just so impressed, like, “Wow!”  And I know for them it’s like, “Yeah, that took me 10 minutes.”  And so, I love that notion because, sure enough, it you are the designer amongst the accountants, or the turnaround specialist, or the keynote speaker, the coach or whatever, sort of being distinctly different from those – they are readily impressed.  And so that’s good to chew on for a little while there.

Terra Winston

It’s so good.  I wish I got there earlier in my career, but I’d now pass it on to all of you.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah.  And at the same time, it does feel like a greater risk because I have fewer role models or potential mentors who can show me what I’m doing right or wrong, or to model from.  So that’s kind of nice – it’s like higher risk, higher reward.  But if you have some other prudent approaches to fill any potential knowledge gaps you have, then you kind of have the best of both worlds.

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  And remember, everyone that’s listening to us has a high potential.  So I guess it’s the opposite advice – if you want to sit in the middle of the pack and not have anybody make too many waves, then choose a role that has lots of peers.  It works both ways, and you get to choose the kind of life that you want.  But there is no high chance of promotion without a risk of failure.  And I will tell you that failure by itself will not stop your career.  It’s so much more about how you react, respond and recover from failure.  That is what gets you by, and if you have confidence not only in yourself willing to take the risk, but willing to know that whatever you trip up on, you can figure it out – that’s your cue to win.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  Well, Terra, I’d also love to get your take, since you do that good coaching stuff, can you share what’s maybe some of the irrational stuff that we’ve got going on that can impede the promotions from happening, whether it’s lowering your beliefs, or risks not taken, or safety?  What do you see, in terms of high-performing folks, in terms of some sub-optimal stuff going on in their mind that is limiting?

Terra Winston

So confidence by far is the biggest one.  And I know we’re used to hearing that all the time, but what I see is people devalue those things that come easy to them.  And so, rather than saying, “Hey, this is a core strength of mine.  Let me use this and show up in my core strength”, we then discount: “Oh well, if I did that and it was so easy, it must not have been a big deal.”  And we don’t showcase it.  So we then spend all our time on some of the things that may not be our towering strengths, because we’re trying to overcome our weaknesses.  And so what you end up doing is discounting the places where you’re a superstar, amplifying the places where you might be average.  And that’s never been the key to promoting yourself.
I think another piece of it is we struggle with this balance between humility and arrogance and self-promotion.  We are now so busy in organizations that there is not one person, including your direct manager, who knows all of what you do.  And so if you don’t find a way to tell them, then it’s very easy for your great accomplishments to be drowned out by even mediocre accomplishments by someone else who’s out there screaming from the rooftops, “Look what I did, look what I did.”  And at times it can really feel like an internal distress.
When I worked at a large international beverage company myself, and I did work in diversity, I would work with some of the groups who would say, “Terra, culturally growing up from the time when I was young, I was told not to boast about myself.  We have a collective community focus.  You don’t stand out.  But then I come to Corporate America”, or Corporate Western Europe, or Corporate Anywhere at this point, “And you keep telling me that I’m supposed to stand up and put a spotlight on myself and scream about how great I am.  I can’t get over that voice in my gut – my grandmother’s voice that’s telling me that that’s the wrong thing to do.  So am I destined just to not get what I deserve?”  And answer is no.  You find your own way, and that’s again looking at your strengths.  If certain people need to know what you do, can you go in and teach a lunch-and-learn?  Can you mentor someone?  Can you find other ways to get your name out there, so that people know what you do?
So I can give you an example.  Believe it or not, I found myself in one of those Infamous elevator pitch moments.  There was someone who was my boss’s boss’s boss’s boss adjacent.  So someone very senior from me, and I was in the Human Resources team.  And there was a big movement going on around organization design.  And so now I find myself alone in an elevator with this person, and either I can shrink in the back and hopefully fade into the woodwork, or I can step up.
And what I said to this person… I happened to, when I was in a consulting firm, I’d worked on the organization design methodology.  And so I said to this very senior person, “Heard the town hall, glad we’re doing work in this area.  I actually did some work back when I was at a consulting firm.  If you ever want, I can get some of the information to your assistant, in case you need it.”  And so by being of service, the senior person, A) knew my name, B) knew I had a background in consulting and I’d done some design work and I was going to follow up with information.  So find ways to kind of bring some visibility to it.  And a lot of times high-potential people are very confident in that the good work will be noticed.  And unfortunately people are so busy they don’t always notice it.

Pete Mockaitis

Right, thank you.  Well, that’s powerful stuff.  Thank you.  Well, tell us – is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Terra Winston

No, I think that’s it.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, cool.  Well then, can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Terra Winston

Okay, so I have a favorite quote but I feel like it’s everybody’s favorite quote.  And it’s the one from Marianne Williamson, the fact that “Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure.”  And it speaks to me because I used to be so introverted, and it is what governs the coaching work that I do.  It’s so often the thing that is the key to people’s absolute phenomenal success, is something hiding behind their fear.  And so, when we get to work together and we get to identify – again, it’s like a stone standing in the way of this raging river of potential.  And we can knock that fear aside.  I’ve seen people, I’ve seen businesses, I’ve seen teams flourish.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome, thank you.  And how about a favorite study or experiment or a piece of research?

Terra Winston

There was a study that talks about the power of loose networks.  And so what it said was, if you want to create more opportunity in your life, it is not your closest friends and closest associates that will bring it; it actually is that next level, if you think of your network as concentric circles.
And the reason why is because your closest friends that you spend time with – they are everywhere where you are.  If there was something they heard about, they would’ve told you already.  Whereas the next level out of people, who are in other bubbles, as we now call it – they have an opportunity to see things and channel them to you.  So that had been a study that absolutely comes up again and again, until about two months ago.  I did some research; I was curious if it was still adequate, if anyone had updated that survey and the study.  And I found out that they had.
And that was true, kind of early Internet days, when the challenge was visibility to opportunity.  Now with the way that the Internet is, we actually have ways to see more and more of things that were probably hidden in pockets.  Now, I still stand by that the power of loose ties is still relevant, but what the newest studies have actually circulated is that we now live in a world where you can see everybody, but you don’t know who’s legit.  I can look at your LinkedIn profile, but how do I know who I can spend time, money and energy on?
And so now there’s a rising importance of the power of former coworkers, or people that not just are loose in your network, but they have personal experience of your work.  That is where the credibility factor lies, and now the issue isn’t as much information transparency; it’s credibility. So how are you leveraging those networks, I think is the next level, of what we need to do better.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  How about a favorite book?

Terra Winston

Right now I am in love with The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath.  The book talks about what is it that makes any given moment special.  And that could be a moment in customer service, that could be creating the best family vacation experience.  Why do certain things stand out in our minds, and other things kind of wash away with the sands of time?  And so, we now hear people say we live in an experience economy, where it’s not about the stuff, it’s about the things that you do.  And I think we’re on overload so much, those of us who learn how to create moments are going to be the winners.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  And how about a favorite tool, something that helps you be awesome at your job?

Terra Winston

My tool is a person.

Pete Mockaitis

I won’t tell that person that you think he or she is a tool.

Terra Winston

That was the wrong way to put it.  She’s going to kill me because she’s going to listen to this.  I have the most amazing virtual assistant.  And I think the virtual assistant services is something that many budding entrepreneurs don’t necessarily get very early.  But having someone that has my back makes a big difference.  And so I want translate for those of you guys that are working in companies and maybe are like, “Well Terra, I don’t have an assistant necessarily for my team.”
But having someone that you can bounce ideas off of, someone that you can sit down and talk about what your priorities are, whoever that person is – my virtual assistant plays that role; she’s actually my chief of staff for my business.  And so I think everyone needs someone that they can be fully themselves and with their guard down, someone that will give them the kind of feedback, but that is not a risk of it being from maybe an evaluation prospective.  And having a right hand in that way is phenomenal, and anyone and everyone should have one.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, thank you.  And how about a favorite habit, something that helps you flourish?

Terra Winston

So, “networking” is one of those words that I actually ban a bunch of my clients from saying, because it dredges up all these feelings for people who aren’t necessarily extroverts or who just don’t love networking.  So I’m a big believer in making authentic connections, and that can be with anybody.  And one of the things that I always do at the end of connecting with someone is I ask them what I can do to bring them closer to their dreams.  And it could be, what do you need in your regular life, it could be a career thing that you have, maybe you just need the perfect pound cake recipe.  Why not ask?

Pete Mockaitis

I need it, Terra.

Terra Winston

You need it so bad.  But we are terrible at asking for help.  And so often times, the number of times that what you voice is something that I have access to.  Now I may not, but how would you know if you don’t ask?  And so, rather than forcing someone to ask, I take it upon myself to ask them.

Pete Mockaitis

And let’s hear that question one more time.

Terra Winston

So, “How can I bring you closer to your dreams?”

Pete Mockaitis

I like that.  It sounds better than, “How can I make your dreams come true?”, because it’s like, “Are you hitting on me right now?”  But it’s still succinct – okay, I like that.  And it’s a little bit more… I think it inspires more imagination than, “How can I be helpful to you?”  So I like that.

Terra Winston

Exactly, because people always need help.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  And sometimes it might just be like, “You know what?  I want to have grass in my backyard, and I don’t know who to help me.”  It’s like, “Oh, I know a guy.”  And sure enough, the networking is happening, relationships strengthen and build.

Terra Winston

Mm-hmm.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  Okay, thank you.  And tell us, is there a particular nugget you share that tends to really connect, resonate with folks and gets quoted back to you?

Terra Winston

Yes.  So, there’s a bunch of them; some of them are not for G-rating.  You guys have to work with me as a coach and I’ll give you some of the ones… We have a good time, with me and my clients.  But no, one that actually is really fundamental for me is, “Stop living someone else’s life.”  It’s so easy to live your life based on a set of “Should’s”: “This is what I should have” or, “I’m supposed to be promoted.”  “Why?”  “Well, because that’s what you do next.”
Do you want that job?  Do you have other dreams? Is this job that you’re doing right now, does it exist solely for you to save money to start that business that you want to do, or to move halfway across the world and live life as a nomad?  Well, if that’s the case, then does a promotion get you any closer, or is it just speaking to something that you feel like you’re on auto-pilot for?  And the number of times when we stop and really ask ourselves, “Is this what I really want?” – the answer is, “No, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to have.”  So stop living someone else’s life.  Live yours – you only have one.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, Terra, where would you point them?

Terra Winston

Please, I love connecting with new people.  I am at TerraWinston on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, because I’m not that creative with my names.  So I just use my name everywhere I go.  Come to my website, inTerractions.com.  We post information, and get connected – I would love to find out how I can help you towards your dreams too.

Pete Mockaitis

And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  So, for those of you in your jobs – if you do nothing else, nothing else today – go to your list of annual goals.  And I want you to identify the three – no more than three – that are the most valued by your manager.  Now remember, we talked about the ways that you can tell, but stop looking at everything on your to-do list as having equal value to the people around you.  So, go through, identify what are the top priorities, and then figure out how do you manage your discretionary energy in a way that gets you where you want to go.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright.  Terra, thank you so much for sharing this.  Excellent stuff.  Hopefully there will be many promotions birthed from this conversation.  And I wish you lots of luck in all you’re up to!

Terra Winston

Thank you, Pete, I absolutely had a blast.  This is a great podcast.

282: How to Manage Your Attention and Your Priorities with Neen James

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Neen James says: "We can't manage time, but we can manage our attention."

Neen James shares best practices for directing our attention toward meaningful priorities.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The fifteen minutes per day that can change everything
  2. Strategies for selecting the worthiest goals
  3. How we often fail to pay good attention to people

About Neen

Neen James is the author of Folding Time™ and Attention Pays™. Named one of Top 30 Leadership Speakers by Global Guru several years in a row because of her work with companies including Viacom, Comcast, and Abbot Pharmaceuticals.

Boundless energy, quick-witted with powerful strategies for paying attention to what matters, Neen shares how to get more done and create more significant moments at work, and home.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Neen James Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Neen, thanks for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Neen James

G’day. What a privilege to be on your show. I love this podcast.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, thank you. I’m so flattered to be chatting but we met in person a couple years ago in Orlando, and my how the time flies.
Neen James
My goodness. That was several years ago. Your memory is incredible.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, you were very memorable.
Neen James
[Laugh] You’re sweet. That’ll definitely get you points, just for the record.
Pete Mockaitis
Sure. We could flatter each other but I want to get going a little bit. I learned about you that you love fast cars. What’s the story here?
Neen James
Oh my gosh. I love speed and I love the glamour of things like F-1. Formula 1 cars that are insane, right? I love the speed, I love the precision. I love the excitement and I love driving fast cars too. So, I love watching them and I also love driving them.
Pete Mockaitis
So now, do you drive these fast cars? Where do you drive them where you can drive them fast enough, or do you just make do with the speed limit suggestions?
Neen James
Yeah, I’m so fortunate to not get too many speeding tickets. My husband and I live in a beautiful part of Pennsylvania called Bucks County and they have some stunning roads. It’s not even about necessarily the speed in the back roads, Pete. It’s about how beautiful the journey is, but I do love being in a gorgeous fast car too.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. Have you seen the Netflix series “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with Jerry Seinfeld?
Neen James
Yes. [laugh]
Pete Mockaitis
I just wondered, who is this for? Who likes all of those things? I like comedians, I like cars and I like coffee. Here’s the show for me.
Neen James
For you and me, that show is perfect.
Pete Mockaitis
I guess they did their research. Netflix, they’re good with their data. Hopefully we’re going to get the direct to consumer insights shortly on the program. We’ll see. We’ve been back and forth, but very cool. Speaking of the use of attention, how’s that for a segue from Netflix. You’ve got this book coming out called Attention Pays. Very clever. Rather than Pay Attention, Attention Pays. Tell us, what’s the main idea and what’s it all about? Why is it important?
Neen James
The reason it’s so important Pete, let’s start with that. It’s because we’re living in this time where we are more distracted than we’ve ever been before. Technology has changed the pace at which we work and we feel what I call in the book, the “over trilogy” – which is overwhelmed, overstressed and overtired, and so many of our listeners can relate to at least one or all of those things. What I’ve realized is we can’t manage time, but we can manage our attention. So what I created through the research and interviews and all my speeches and all the great time I get to spend with my clients and in my executive mentoring, I realized that we pay attention three ways.
Personally, it’s about who we pay attention to and that’s being thoughtful. Professionally, it’s about what we pay attention to and that’s being productive. And globally, it’s about how we pay attention in the world and that’s about being responsible; personally, professionally and globally. The book shares hundreds of strategies that every person in their professional career … and it doesn’t matter if they are working inside a big organization like so many of your listeners, or whether they work for themselves. This will apply.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, well. Boy, are you a keynoter perchance laying it out in three key elements?
Neen James
You better believe it.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. I’m intrigued to dig into each of those but first, I’d love it if maybe you could orient us a bit in terms of … you mentioned that technology, it’s happening and things are changing. It’s fast paced and all this information and all that, sure. I guess I’m curious to hear just what kind of a difference does it make if you are a master of your attention versus you’re, I guess at the mercy of whoever wants your attention.
Neen James
Let me give you an example of one of my clients. I have the privilege of working with Comcast. I was with the leadership team and what we decided to do was we decided to set them a challenge. Could they invest fifteen minutes in a strategic appointment with themselves every day to master their own attention, identify their top three not negotiable activities? Before their head hits the pillow tonight, what’s their three? The reason we did this with this leadership team is they were responsible for a very large budget with a very large team. We realized that their attention was being pulled in hundreds of directions. I’m sure your listeners can relate to that. What was fascinating about this particular case study that we did was every single leader told me, as a result of investing their attention for fifteen minutes a day, their team development went up, their sales went up and they became the top performing team in the region. This is amazing to me … in their company, my apologies.
What’s amazing to me is that that fifteen minutes which we all could invest, right … Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes we can find in our calendar, they learned to master a strategic appointment with themselves. I love that idea of just that one fifteen minute appointment every day, and that way too you know what your most important things are that you do today. It drives your productivity and it holds you personally accountable for the results.
Pete Mockaitis
Well Neen, I can’t let that go. Fifteen minutes a day made a transformational difference for these folks, so you must unpack it for us. What’s happening during these fifteen minutes? What’s the prescription?
Neen James
Let me tell you how I do mine, Pete, and this might help the listeners as well. For me what I do is, I make my coffee and I sit down with my … it’s a pretty fancy system. I use a Post-It note admittedly, and what do on that Post-It note is I write at the top “today, I will” and then I determine what are three things that I absolutely must achieve today.
Now these three things will move me closer to my goals. For example, if you work for a company, chances are you have objectives you’re being measured on, on a quarterly or annual basis. It’s a really great idea to identify activities so they’ll bring you closer to those particular goals. If you are a leader who is managing a team of people, no doubt your team has responsibilities that you as their leader need to guide them on. So what are three things you could do today that would move those projects or objectives or results forward?
What this does, Pete, is it becomes a decision filtering system, meaning every time you want to get distracted, every time someone walks into your office, every time you’re tempted to go on social media, you look at your three things. I deliberately write them on a Post-It note and I’ll tell you why. I can carry that silly little Post-It note with me all day and it’s a visual reminder of where my attention needs to be invested, as opposed to some of us … I’ve tried electronic to-do lists, I’ve tried apps, I’ve tried written to-do lists. It’s the one thing that I seem to be able to stick to, but here’s the other thing Pete.
Pete Mockaitis
Stick to! Zing.
Neen James
{Laugh]. I love being able to cross things off. I wonder if you’ve got people on the podcast who will admit that they write things on a to-do list just so they can cross them off, right?
Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. It’s the example I use in my … workshops for judging preference, yes.
Neen James           
It’s true though because we want to know something we did today mattered. If you simplify your day by what we call prioritizing your priorities into those top three not negotiables, you’ll have a much stronger chance of achieving them. Do you remember when Pete Shankman was on the show and he talked about eliminating all the choices? He has such a fantastic way of seeing the world and managing with such a fast brain that he has, but I believe too that we have to be able to get super clear on what’s important today. Otherwise, everyone will very happily take all the time and attention you want to give them but that doesn’t get you closer to your goals.
Pete Mockaitis
Understood. So Neen, I think my challenge with this is … hey, I’m looking at one right now. I’ve got a sheet and I have listed a dozen things and I feel pretty good. They’re all done. Now I’m just chatting with cool people like you for the rest of the day. I’d love to get your take on prioritization is hard, you know? Running three things is a lot harder than running thirteen things. What are some of your pro tips for … first of all, you tell me how strict is it that three is the number. Do not drift into more, or is it a little flexible? How are you thinking about it?
Neen James
For me, I feel like three is a great number that I can remember. Three is a number that I can share with someone else. Three is manageable in my day. Now I could write 23 things on the list Pete, but the challenge with that is then I become overwhelmed and we can become paralyzed with too many choices. Three things means I’ve diligently done the work in my fifteen minute appointment to identify my top three. These are the three things that are going to strategically move me closer. Sometimes, it means we may have to put something like a doctor’s appointment on that list. We might have been putting off a check-up for months and months, but we have to do it. It’s important to our health because if we don’t have good health, then obviously we’re not going to perform at work.
It might be that you’ve got to do a performance review for one of your team members. We’ve been putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. But what happens is every time we put something off, every time we ask our brain to remember something else, it’s like opening a new tab on the computer. Every time you ask your brain to do something, it opens a new tab. The brain craves completion, Pete. Every time we complete something, our brain gives us this little shot of dopamine, like a little high five from our brain, like “Yay Pete, good job.” We need more of that. We need more of that momentum of completion. Choosing three things is manageable.
Pete Mockaitis      
Momentum of completion is an excellent turn of phrase. I’m digging that. I like what you said about the doctor’s appointment. Sometimes I think when I’m setting my three things, it’s almost like the doctor’s appointment is already scheduled. I sort of know that I’m going to exit and go to there, so it almost feels like it doesn’t count in the sense that it is almost like a foregone conclusion that that is just going to occur. I almost feel like it’s cheating, or I haven’t earned that dopamine hit of completion goodness by doing such a thing. I’d love for you to set me straight in terms of what seems appropriate and sensible to put on there, because I think some things you just know you’re going to do. It’s like “I’m going to brush my teeth” or even if you have other great habits like “I know I’m just going to walk on the treadmill. I’m just going to pray. I’m just going to make a healthy lunch.” That’s awesome. Does that count? Do I get credit for that if it’s already a habit, like it’s going to happen whether I write it or not?
Neen James
I think it’s only going to get credit if it enhances a habit you have. If you’re going to walk on the treadmill and you’ve been used to walking and you like walking but you want to challenge yourself to a run, maybe what you think about is “Can I turn this walk on the treadmill into running for half a mile and see how I feel?” It’s also about being able to enhance our performance, Pete. It’s about helping every day for us to be stronger, better, to be able to have life with more excellence, with more fun, to be more thoughtful.
For example, that doctor’s example might be a routine thing you do, but what the doctor might say to you is “I need you to eat more green vegetables or I need you to get your cholesterol in check or I need you to manage your stress.” Then what you want to think about is, the thing that would go on the Post-It note maybe the next day would be “Okay, what are some stress management strategies I need to investigate? Could I invest fifteen minutes of my attention finding a new app or trying a new yoga pose or investing more time praying or in quiet time?” While I’m talking about some personal strategies, the same applies for professional strategies, but here’s the thing. Attention is personal, professional and global. The same person who goes home needs to turn up at work; we need to be the best version of ourselves. We need to be able to pay attention not only to other people, but we have to be able to pay attention to ourself.
Pete Mockaitis
I like those distinctions there in terms of what is moving you toward a meaningful goal, and then two, it’s an enhancement. It’s making you stronger as opposed to, I guess maintaining sort of status quo, habitual, how it is, the current level. It’s like you’re moving into upgrade territory. I think that’s helpful in terms of saying what counts, but I’ll maybe even back it up a little bit for you to arrive at three things that matter, you need to get some clarity on the goals, the macro objectives and priorities that are worth pursuing. What’s your take on doing that well?
Neen James
Think about it. If you’re a listener and you want to get promoted, there might be activities that are going to get you more in line with the opportunity to be promoted. For example, you may need to identify your successor. Who is the person you’re going to train and upscale, so that you could get promoted into a new role? You might have to become your own publicist and start to be able to communicate the evidence of why you’d be a great person to be promoted. Maybe you’ve got to start to enhance your skills by doing additional internal learning programs or external study.
The beauty of knowing if your goal is to get promoted at work because you’re awesome at your job, what you want to think about is what do I need to do to get promoted? What are the things that I have to improve, enhance or educate? What you can then do is put those types of things on your list. I have this saying that I want to be “Ah-mazing,” because I want to wake up every day and go “Oh, that’s amazing.” I want to be in awe and wonder on a daily basis, whether it’s serving a client, whether it’s travelling somewhere new or whether it’s looking after one of my team. Every day, I want us to think about how can we invest our attention at being even more “ah-mazing,” and in your case, awesome. How can we be more awesome at our jobs? We have to look for these things that we want to focus our attention on, because time’s going to happen whether you like it or not Pete.
You and I get the same 1,440 minutes in a day. You can’t manage time but you can manage your attention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, I’m right with you there. Final point on the three and I’ll move on. We talk about time and the minutes we have available. I want to get your take on when you establish the three, you want the momentum of completion – great turn of phrase. I’m wondering, you don’t want to be too easy in terms of “Hey, these are three important things but I’m going to knock them out in twenty minutes, bam!” You don’t want them too hard because then you don’t get that momentum of completion. It’s just not getting done, so how do you think about calibrating that well?
Neen James
I think it depends on your day. Sometimes, just the fact that we get to work out and eat a healthy meal and actually get to bed before midnight, that’s a big day for some of us. Sometimes, just getting that report to our boss or being able to answer all those e-mails or to get to every meeting on time, sometimes that feels like an achievement. While it’s hard to prescribe for people what is going to be easy or what is going to be hard, what I want you to think about is the question to yourself is “Will this make me more awesome at my job?” If it’s going to make you more awesome at your job, then I think that’s something that’s worth investing in. Will it make you more awesome as a team member? Will it make you more awesome as a partner with people you share your life with? Will it make you more awesome in your community for the people that you stand in service of, whether it’s your church, your temple, your parent teacher community, your alumni? I think with these three things, you know in your gut whether you are pushing yourself or not. Some days feel like survival and some days feel like success. You get to choose.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. When it comes to these disruptions, distractions that would take our attention away from where we want to put it, maybe you could orient us a little bit in terms of what are some of the best approaches to keep your defenses appropriately operational, so that you are not getting overwhelmed by distraction.
Neen James
I think we have to identify what the distractions are first, Pete. Some people, we feel like our devices are a distraction and for many of us, they are. It’s the notifications, it’s the phone ring or it could be just the fact that we get a little bored and so we by default go check our Facebook status instead of paying attention in a meeting. For some, distractions include our devices. For others, distractions could be that you constantly have people interrupt you in your cube or your office, where people are constantly walking in saying “Do you have a second? Do you have a minute?” There’s never a second and there’s never a minute.
Other distractions can be ourself. We can be sometimes the worst at managing our own attention, because we open up a website and then that takes us to another website which takes us to another website, and then twenty minutes have gone by and we’ve achieved nothing.
So, distractions can come in the form of technology. They can come in the form of our own head traffic, some of our fears, concerns and stressors. The first thing we need to do is identify what those distractions are and then look to how to eliminate them. What I tend to use is some of my favorite tools. For example, one of my favorite apps is called Freedom. Freedom is an app that I can install on all of my Mac and my iPhone, which is a website blocking app, which means if I’m trying to get very dedicated focused amount of activity done or I’m writing a proposal or I’m preparing a keynote speech, it literally blocks me out of websites. It’s really powerful because you can set it up for short or long periods of time. I love using tools like that that will help me stay very focused.
I also have an actual cover on my phone. What I realized was, sometimes just seeing that something’s happening on my phone was enough of a distraction so I got an actual cover which covers the screen. There are little ways that you can become much more diligent in the way you manage your distractions – turning off every notification, closing windows you’re not really using, being able to cover devices, maybe leaving things like your cell phone outside the meeting room so you can pay attention in the meeting. Maybe when you’re driving, leave it in your bag or in the glove compartment so that you’re not actually tempted to check it.
We have to think about the fact that if for example we have an office, could you occasionally shut the door and then tell the team “When my door is shut, I’m trying to work on a project.” If you don’t have the luxury of an office in your particular workplace, could you use headphones in your cubicle and just say to your team “Hey if I have my headphones on, I’m just trying to get something completed.” We’ve got to start to create strategies for this continual state of distraction we live in.
Pete Mockaitis
Yes, I like that. Any pro tips for communicating that to a boss or others who think that they have the right to take your attention whenever they please?
Neen James
I think it’s a conversation. You’ve got to be a grown-up and you’ve got to say to your boss or your team member or your colleague that you really enjoy spending time with, “In order for me to be really productive, there’s occasionally times where I need to be hyper focused. My way of being hyper focused is by putting my headphones on, or booking a conference room on another floor, or coming in maybe twenty minutes later so I can sit at the local Starbucks and get my day really prioritized. But having agreements with your team and then being able to honor that, it’s kind of like a “Do Not Disturb” sign. I have done this with manufacturing clients, with pharmaceutical clients, with media clients, where they have created internal team versions of Do Not Disturb. So one of my media clients in New York, they have these little signs on the back of their chair and it’s like red and green.
If it’s red and you walk up to their chair, that’s their internal version of Do Not Disturb. One of my pharmaceutical clients has these little soft cush balls that they sit on their monitor. If you walk up to their monitor, you can see this tiny soft cush ball which is their internal Do not Distrub sign, and the team have become so good at not interrupting each other. We have to think through what’s going to work for you, what’s going to work for your team.
Pete Mockaitis
I like that so much. It reminds me of this Brazilian steakhouse with the red and the green.
Neen James
Oh yeah, exactly! Same thing.
Pete Mockaitis
Bring me delicious meat versus “No thank you, I’m satisfied for now.”
Neen James
[Laugh] I love it.
Pete Mockaitis
Very cool. It’s really fun how that does become sort of normative and folks can all respect it. I suppose they will know if they need to … if there’s a true emergency that requires an overriding of the indicator. One of my favorite things, you talk about headphones … this might be overboard but I like my Bose noise cancelling headphones and then I have earplugs on inside them.
Neen James
Oh really? That’s amazing, so no one can penetrate the sound barrier.
Pete Mockaitis
It really is. Sometimes I’ll be startled like “Ah, there you are. I had no idea.” That does happen sometimes and then it’s sort of fun. If you remove an earplug, it’s kind of like “Whoa, this guy.” For better or for worse, I don’t know what exactly the message that sends out, whether this guy’s a freak, he’s a real weirdo and/or “Whoa, that dude was focused. Maybe I should carefully think if it’s essential that I interrupt this flow state.”
Neen James
I think that we need to understand what works for us doesn’t always work for everyone else, and we need to communicate more actively about where we need to be able to focus our attention and how others can help us as well. It does require great grown-up conversations, but it will totally increase your productivity.
Pete Mockaitis
Very nice. In terms of our overall capacity to pay attention, I hear all these stats like “our attention span has shrunk from twelve seconds to eight seconds.” I still don’t quite know how that’s being measured. I want to dig into that study one of these days, but tell us what are some approaches to improve our very mental ability to pay attention?
Neen James
Let’s just start with the fact that no one actually had evidence that our attention span is shrinking. No one had evidence that when you have the attention span of a goldfish … I mean who wants to be compared to a goldfish? It’s crazy town. Every piece of research we tried to find where people were actually measuring true adult attention spans wasn’t happening. I think what happens is Pete, our attention is split.
We have to be aware that we are splitting our attention, and what that means is we have to then think about for us to really pay attention in a more profitable way, in a more productive way, in a more thoughtful way, we have to think about who’s in front of us right now and how much of our attention do they need or deserve at that point in time. What really needs our attention and what do we need to do to be able to progress that particular task, activity or conversation? And then how are we going to show people we’re paying attention? That could be the simplicity of looking someone in the eye when they’re talking. It could be the simplicity of taking notes so that you don’t forget what is being said. It might be the opportunity to ask a question to see if you really understand what the person is sharing with you. We’ve got to be able to be more diligent.
My little five year old friend gave me the best lesson in this. If anyone has a five year old listening to this, you know what it’s like to try and debate with a five year old. My friend Donovan and I were in a very heated debate and then at one point, he grabbed up to me. He was so annoyed. He and I were kind of discussing something. He thought I wasn’t paying attention to him. He jumped up to meet me. He grabbed my tiny face in his tiny little hands, he turned it towards him and he said “Me, listen with your eyes.” He was five years old. That wisdom from a child has totally changed the way that I pay attention, where we have to show people we’re listening with our eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. I’d love for you to expand upon that. I guess that means that you’re looking at them and not sort of trailing off, and what else in extremely specific tactical terms?
Neen James
One of the things we found was there were a couple of studies that were done where people were experimenting with a device on the table, and whether people trusted you if you had your device on the table, whether they felt like they were being valued. It was interesting in all these different research studies that we were looking at, that people often trust you less, that they feel less important with you if they can see your device. What they’re thinking is, there’s someone else who needs your attention or you’re going to default to your device instead of paying attention in that conversation.
So we need to think about all of the things that potentially pull on our attention too, whether it is maybe people working in an open plan office, so there’s constant noise and smells and sounds and laughter and music and conversations all around us. Maybe it is when we’re meeting with someone, what’s happening in the conference room as far as if we’re letting someone dial in. Do they really get our attention? Do we include them? Do we involve them? Listening with our eyes is not just the physical act of looking someone in the eye, but in a virtual world we also have to think about when we reply to an email Pete, do we really answer the question or the concern that was addressed? Do we truly listen to the webinar?
Do we listen in on the teleconference and provide an answer at the appropriate time? When you think about how much we don’t pay attention, it’s fascinating. I think we live in a time where we are paying attention, but just not paying attention to the right people, the right things, the right way.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. I think that really gets you thinking in terms of just being intentional then with regard to … I think about these teleconferences where folks are not paying attention and you’re advocating to pay full attention. That makes me think, maybe these teleconferences I shouldn’t be in the first place.
Neen James
Yes, sometimes it means declining a meeting. Sometimes that’s the best use of your attention. In the book, we talk about intentional attention. It’s the choices we make and the actions we take. I use the word leader, whether you are yourself personally leading a team of people or whether you are a leader. As leaders, we have a responsibility to be intentional with our attention because it’s intention that makes attention valuable.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, tell me anything else you really want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some your favorite things.
Neen James
We think we’re paying attention but we’re not, and I just want to challenge our listeners going back to those three things – can we pay attention to the right people, the right things, the right way? Use that as a filter when you catch yourself not paying attention with intention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. Now can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?
Neen James
I love when Oliver Wendell Holmes “A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.” I love that.
Pete Mockaitis
And tell me, have you found particular ideas stretched your mind a whole lot that you’d care to share here now?
Neen James
I think it probably goes to my favorite book, which is called The Thought Leaders Practice written by Matt Church who was an early mentor and now a business partner. In Thought Leaders Practice, he talks about how we can really demonstrate our ideas with visual tools and how we can position our expertise, whether we are internal corporate person or an external entrepreneur. I think for me, it’s this ability to show people what message you’re trying to share with them. I love contextual modeling and that’s something that I’ve become fascinated with.
Pete Mockaitis      
Thank you. How about a favorite study or experiment or a bit of research?
Neen James
There are so many that I was looking at for my Attention Pays book. I found it really hard to narrow it down. What I think is really important if we want to be more awesome in the way we pay attention is that we become our own study and start to study ourselves on how we’re showing up, how we’re paying attention and then seeing how we can change that.
I don’t have one particular one but I am quite fascinated with how each of us pays attention to ourselves, so maybe we become our own study.
Pete Mockaitis      
How about a favorite book?
Neen James
The Thought Leaders Practice by Matt Church. I’d probably go back to that one. That is definitely one of my favorites and it’s one that I go back to time and time and time again. The other one that I love is at the completely different end of the scale, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
Pete Mockaitis      
Yes, thank you. How about a favorite tool?
Neen James
I go back to two apps. One would be Freedom app I mentioned earlier in the interview, and the other one would be Text Expander. It is my all time favorite and I use it every day multiple times a day.
Pete Mockaitis      
Completely agree, and they were also our first sponsor so thank you Text Expander.
Neen James
Great job, they’re amazing.
Pete Mockaitis
Agreed. How about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that helps you be awesome?
Neen James
I write Thank You notes every day. I find one reason to write one Thank you note, whether it’s while I’m traveling to housekeeping, whether it’s a client that I’ve had the privilege of serving, whether it’s a barista who’s made me an amazing coffee or whether it’s someone that I really care about in my personal life. I make sure that I write one Thank You note every day.
Pete Mockaitis
Cool. How long are these thank you notes? How long does it take? Do you have a system?
Neen James
I do carry stamp stationery with me everywhere so I always have them in my bag. I always have them at my desk and I have them in my car, so the system is keep stamp stationary with you all the time.
Pete Mockaitis
This can only happen in the morning or the afternoon or evening?
Neen James
I have a deal with myself. I don’t go to bed until one’s written. Sometimes it’s a little bit messy late at night, but generally speaking they happen throughout the day.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. Is there a particular nugget, a piece that you share that tends to really resonate and connect with folks and gets quoted back to you, a Neen original piece of brilliance?
Neen James
Listen with your eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, and Neen is there a particular place where you’d like folks to learn more. If they want to get in touch, where would you point them?
Neen James
There’s only one Neen James online. If you go to NeenJames.com, you’ll find everything you need and you can follow me on social media at Neen James.
Pete Mockaitis
Do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks seeking to be awesome at their job?
Neen James
I want you to invest fifteen minutes in an appointment with yourself and I want you to try this every work day. Identify your top three not negotiable activities before your head hits the pillow that night. Try it for me for one week. I guarantee your productivity will increase.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, thank you so much for sharing this. It was fun to reconnect after some years and you’re continuing to rock and roll and make a huge difference. This was a lot of fun, thank you.
Neen James
It was a privilege. Thank you for everything you do in the world. This podcast makes such a difference to people to allow them to be awesome at their job and pay attention to what matters.

265: Getting the Most Out of Each Day with Peter Shankman

By | Podcasts | One Comment

 

 

Peter Shankman says: "The majority of things I do aren't normal... but they work for me."

Peter Shankman walks through his unique take on productivity and lessons learned from ADHD that anyone can apply.

You’ll Learn:

  1. 4 simple rules to be more productive
  2. Tricks to eliminate distraction
  3. Why you should always ask for a deadline

About Peter

Peter Shankman is a spectacular example of what happens when you merge the power of pure creativity with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and a dose of adventure, and make it work to your advantage. An author, entrepreneur and corporate keynote speaker, this “worldwide connector” is recognized worldwide for radically new ways of thinking about customer service, social media, PR, marketing, advertising, and ADHD. He founded Help A Reporter Out, ShankMinds: Breakthrough, Geek Factory, and more.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Peter Shankman Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Peter, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

Peter Shankman
My pleasure. Good to be here.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, you have had a fascinating background which has been fun to learn about as I’m doing my research here. And I want to hear a little bit about some of your history when it comes to publicity stunts and people doing publicity stunts. Can you share maybe one of the most strikingly interesting, outrageously wild publicity stunts that come to mind from your experience there?

Peter Shankman
Well, first of all, I want to say it’s really funny to be on a podcast about being awesome at your job because I’ve had a total of one job in my entire life and it lasted two years, and when I went to go to my next job I realized that I just don’t play well with others. And so, I’ve been working as an entrepreneur for about almost 20 years now, and it is never once felt like a job. So, I think the number one key of being awesome at your job is do something that you don’t actually feel like you’re working at. It’s pretty awesome. But I love your podcast and I’m happy to chat.

PR stunts, what can I tell you? I can tell you that a PR stunt for the sake of a PR stunt is pointless. All the best PR stunts in the world they do several things. They drive product, they drive sales, they increase brand exposure, they increase revenue. You’re never going to find a CEO who’s a big fan of people who say, “You know what, we should do this stunt.” “Why?” “It’d be great. It’ll go viral.”

Pete Mockaitis
Go viral.

Peter Shankman
Like, “Shut up.” So, if you look at something like the – I’m totally spacing on it now – the guy with the abs, Old Spice. Old Spice, several years ago, they did these things on Twitter where people would tweet the Old Spice guy, and he’d respond by a video. It cost them about three bucks a piece to do, generated ridiculous amounts of brand exposure and sales, right?

I’ve had clients, we’ve done events where we’ve created massive, massive publicity, and massive, massive exposure that has led to sales. Some of the best ones I remember, God, back when domain names costs like 79 bucks a piece. We did one where we offered domains, it was a domain service, a domain name company, a TLD, and we offered free domains for one night to protest the fact that they cost 79 bucks when they shouldn’t, and we broke the internet.

It was back in 2000 where there’s still a lot of people on dial-up and we crashed the northeast seaboard. It was pretty impressive. But, you know, again, great exposure. After the promotion they sold like, I think, 40 times the amount of domain names in two hours they would normally sell in three weeks. So, if you’re going to do a stunt, at the end of the day if you’re going to present it to your boss with that, they will look at you and think you’re awesome if you come up with this great idea, but then also tie it into revenue, tie it into why it’s important.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, I’d like to hear. Any that just failed, bombed, where it’s just silly disasters?

Peter Shankman
Oh, I had tons. You look around, I’ve screwed up once. I mean, there were tons. Let me think about some great ones that have bombed. Any stunts that rely on going viral, right? You can’t make anything viral. What you could do is make something good. So, I would suggest that people need to focus on making things good, because if you make something viral that’s not going be that great.

The only thing that makes viral as far as I could tell is H1N1 or some source of disease. You want to make something good, you want to create something that people say, “Wow, this is pretty cool to look at. I’m a huge fan of this and I like this. I trust them.” No one believes how great you are anymore if you’re the one that has to tell them. Your goal is to create something that people understand and like and want and want to use without them saying, “Oh, yeah, I feel like they’re marketing to me or selling to me.”

Pete Mockaitis
Understood. Cool. All right. Well, thank you. So, I want to spend most of our time chatting about some of the ideas and applications that you’ve collected much of within your book Faster Than Normal. Can you share with us what is sort of the main premise of the book and why is this important here and now?

Peter Shankman
Faster Than Normal is the basic premise that a lot of us are undiagnosed ADHD. Some of us have sort of been diagnosed. I’ve had it for 10 years, but for 30 years I always thought I was just different and strange, right? At the end of the day, what you find is that ADHD, since it has come out as a disorder, has always been considered a negative.

And when I realized that I had, and realized there was a name for it, and realized what it was, I’m like, “Holy crap, this thing has actually done tremendously well for me. This disorder is actually responsible for the majority of my success.” And when I realized that I quickly became aware that ADHD can be considered a gift, not a curse if you understand how to use it.

And so, for me, I’ve spent the past countless years documenting how I use my ADHD as a gift, what I do to allow myself to use it to the best of my ability, to benefit my life, to allow me to sort of – for lack of a better word – do more than normal people. And it sounds crazy but it turns out that when you have a faster brain, as long as you know how to use it, you actually can do a lot.

Here’s a pretty good example. If I offered you the choice between a Honda and a Lamborghini you’d probably choose the Lamborghini, right? It’s a faster car. It’s a sick ride. It’s amazing. But you’ve got to know how to drive it. If you’re used to driving a KIA Sportage your entire life, and someone gives you a Lamborghini, if you don’t know how to drive it you’re going to step on the gas, expecting it to respond the same way that your KIA responds, you’re going to smash it into a tree or kill someone or fall off a bridge.

You have to understand how to drive your faster brain. Driving your faster brain is different than driving a regular brain at a normal speed, so there are pluses and minuses to that.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. So, I’m really intrigued to hear your point, so that folks don’t tune out right away, it’s like, “Well, I’m not ADHD so this doesn’t apply to me.”

Peter Shankman
Oh, it applies to everyone.

Pete Mockaitis
So, when you said there are many, many folks who are undiagnosed ADHD, and I had a former girlfriend who kept insisting that I, too, had ADHD. So, what might be some of the telltale signs? And what do we do about it if we find ourselves in that case?

Peter Shankman
Well, I’ll take it a step further for your audience. You don’t have to have ADHD to appreciate the tools and the sort of life hacks that I use on a regular basis.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome.

Peter Shankman
You can be a normal girl or guy who just wants to get three hours a day back in your life productivity-wise.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that sounds nice. Very nice.

Peter Shankman
Yeah, the stuff that I do allows me to get about three hours’ worth of productivity back in my life every day, and they sound crazy until you realize how beneficial they are. First example, I get up usually around 3:45 in the morning.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, 3:45 a.m.

Peter Shankman
3:45 a.m. And the first reaction of anyone who hears that is, “Wow, that’s crazy. What are you? A farmer?” And I get it. It’s not normal, but the majority of things I do aren’t normal but they work for me. I get up so early because it is the only time during the day – when I don’t have to be on my phone, or at my computer, or doing something with work, or focusing on my daughter – I can work out.

So, I get out of my bed and I either go to the gym, go for a run, or more often than not, lately get on my Peloton bike which sits literally six inches to my bed. I sleep in my gym clothes which, again, that’s crazy. But, really, what are your gym clothes? Your gym clothes are a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, right? Probably the same thing you’d sleep in anyway. And my socks. So, the second I wake up I thrown on my sneakers on, I’m dressed.

It’s kind of hard to talk yourself out of going to the gym when you’re already in your gym clothes. I have automatic lights that come on. My lights are all internet of things, my curtains, my shades, my everything. Everything in my apartment is internet of things so the second 3:45 a.m. hits, the light starts coming up slowly, so I’m awake with natural awake lighting, and the chance of going back to sleep drop massively.

Then, once I’m up, I get on my Peloton bike, I do like an hour or two hours of working out. Well, what that does is that gives you a ridiculous hit of dopamine, okay? It wakes you up. It gives you that dopamine which is basically the focus chemical. It’s the focus and happy chemical that says, “Hey, you are awake. Let’s go kick some ass.” It’s like a winner’s high. A winner’s high essentially.

You can get the same thing from speaking on stage. You can get the same thing from skydiving, the same thing from illegal drugs. It’s that dopamine hit that everyone craves. Well, I am now full of it by 6:00 a.m. okay? So, now, I’m out of the gym, I’m out of the whatever. I go to my closet to get dressed, and my closet has exactly two sides to it and they’re labeled.

The first side says, “Office/Travel,” and it’s full of T-shirts and jeans just like I’m wearing today. The second side says, “Speaking/TV,” and it’s full of buttoned down shirts, jackets and jeans. That’s it. My suits, my vests, my sweaters, my night shoes, all that stuff, my ties, those are all in my daughter’s closet in the other room.

Because if I had to go into the closet every morning and say, “You know what, I wonder what I should wear? Hmm, let’s see. Hmm, look at that sweater. Mom gave me that sweater. I wonder how well she’s doing. I should look her up. Let me check.” Three hours later I’m naked in the living room on Facebook and I haven’t left past.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. So, you’re saying that the key there is because of ADHD.

Peter Shankman
Elimination of choice.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes, understood. Okay. Cool. And so, then, now a number of these rituals seem like, well, I don’t know if you chose to do them as a means of managing in particular your ADHD because they sound wise just in general. Maybe I want to back up just a little bit though. So, you wake up at 3:45 a.m. And what time do you go to bed?

Peter Shankman
Usually about 8:30, 9:00 o’clock at night.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Cool.

Peter Shankman
And here’s the thing, for everyone listening saying, “Oh, my God. I’ve missed out on everything. I’ve missed all the good networking.” No, you won’t. I’ve been doing this for years. I have not missed out on a damn thing because all the people who really have the power to make decisions they’re not out drinking, right? You’re having breakfast with them at 7:00 a.m. at the plaza, egg whites and coffee.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Peter Shankman
That’s the real thing. I have never missed out on anything business-wise by going to bed early.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I’m with you. Well, so there we go. So, we talked about the elimination of choice in terms of in the closet a lot of things are elsewhere, and it’s labeled it. It’s so funny. I just labeled my closet recently because, well, there’s all sorts of clutter, I was like, “We just got to get really clear on what goes where in that way the clutter goes away.” It’s like, “Oh, this is the sweater kind of cubbie. All right. Now, I don’t get to think about it anymore. That’s always where the sweaters are.” And so, I dig it. It’s very cool. Now, you sort of gone ahead and sort of defined in particular four undeniable life rules associated with ADHD that are applicable more broadly. And so, what are those?

Peter Shankman
Well, the first one, like I said, is exercise every day. Second one is elimination of choice. The third one is the concept of eating healthy. When you’re ADHD you’re just driven, you tend to have two speeds and only two speeds. My two speeds are namaste and I’m kind of bitch. There is absolutely no middle ground. There’s no middle ground. And so, once you realize that it’s a lot easier to live your life.

So, for instance, you know how certain people who – and I know some of these people – they get home after work, and they’re like, “You know what, I’m tired. I don’t really feel like cooking. I’m going to order in a pizza.” And they order a pizza, and they have two slices, and they box the rest of it in a tin foil and they put it in the fridge, right? That’s called leftover pizza to have at another time, right? Okay, I’ve never had leftover pizza in my life. That is just not a thing.

Pete Mockaitis
You just devour the whole pie?

Peter Shankman
If the pizza is in front of me I’m eating the pizza. I have never once had leftover pizza in my life. There was a comedian, I remember, who said, “I don’t eat until I’m full of eating until I hate myself.” That’s what I do. I basically sit there and I will eat the pizza because, again, two speeds. And so, knowing that, there was a great movie that came out in the ‘80s, it’s called War Games, and it was about a computer with Matthew Broderick.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, right with the news.

Peter Shankman
Right.

Pete Mockaitis
An interesting game, okay.

Peter Shankman
Exactly. And the computer understood. The very last line of the movie was the computer understanding that you can’t win at nuclear war, and he says, “The only winning move is not to play.” And so, I have determined that in my life the only winning move for me is not to play. I allow myself certain times in very constrained conditions to play.

For instance, the last two weeks of December, I knew I wasn’t traveling, I knew I wasn’t working, and I let myself eat, right? But sure enough, I probably ordered pizza every single day. Now, I’m back onto healthy, and because of that I cook all my food in advance. Like every Sunday I make a ton of skinless chicken, I make a ton of lean flank steak, things like that that I just carry with me. I have a ton of spinach salads, yogurts, things of that.

I take yogurt with me out the door, I’m eating as I walk to work. It stops me from going, “Oh, look, there’s a Dunkin Donuts,” or, “Look, there’s a McDonald’s,” or, “Look, there’s…” whatever. It turns that off because I simply know that that is not an option at that time. And I have those, and it sounds rigid but it has to be that way because I work in shared community and some idiot is always bringing in donuts.

For example, I walked in my office today, I haven’t been since early last week because of the holidays. I walked in today, some client delivered me a 10-pound box or one of those 10-pound tins of popcorn, regular cheese and caramel, right? I opened that, I opened the box, I took out the tin, I didn’t even break the seal on the tin.

I simply left my office, walked up to the administration desk up front and went to the two women who worked there, I’m like, “Hey, I got a present for you,” and I left it there. “Wow, you’re so nice.” “No, I’m simply ridding myself from sitting in my office eating 10 pounds of popcorn today.” So, again, eliminate that, know what works for you, know what doesn’t, so I try to eat healthy. My logic is if I’m grandmother wouldn’t have recognized it as food back in 1908, I won’t eat it.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Peter Shankman
And then the fourth rule, I think I’ve touched on this earlier, simply getting enough sleep. So, it’s amazing what happens when you don’t get enough sleep. The second you don’t get enough sleep your body – and it’s the same thing with not drinking enough water – your body is unbelievably good at adapting, and so it will basically, if it says, “You know what, you haven’t gotten enough sleep. I’m going to make you do other things. I’m going to make you think that you want to do other things when I’m just trying to get you to sleep.”

Same thing with water, “You haven’t drunk enough water. I’m going to make you feel hungry but you’re not actually hungry. You’re thirsty. But I know there’s water in whatever food you eat and maybe that’s a way for me to get what I need.” The brain is amazing.

Pete Mockaitis
So, the corollary then, on the sleep side, is what’s the body prompting us to do when we’re sleep deprived?

Peter Shankman
It varies. We could do everything from, “Oh, my God. I need several more cups of coffee,” or, “I need to take a stimulant,” or even just sitting in your office zoning out and not being anywhere near as productive as you can.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Peter Shankman
Right? And it’s so funny because people, “Oh, I wish I could eat or sleep. I don’t have the time.” Well, I’m pretty sure that where you live and where I live, the sun orbits the earth around, or the earth orbits the sun around the same time, right? If you live in one part of New York and I live in another part of New York, and you say you don’t have the time, but I somehow do have the time, I’m pretty sure it’s not that time has nothing to do with it.

I’m pretty sure that we both live on the same part of the planet that revolves around the sun at the same exact time so I don’t suddenly have an hour more in my day time-wise than you do. What I do have is the priority.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I’m with you. Cool. So, now I’m intrigued then, in a way it seems like the elimination of choice is one that really reinforces and supports all the other three.

Peter Shankman
No question about it.

Pete Mockaitis
And so, I’d love to maybe go a little bit deeper then on that. So, we talked about the closet and the food. What are some other ways you think professionals could really be enriched by some application of elimination of choice?

Peter Shankman
My desk has my laptop on it, it has my screens on it, and that would be about it. Maybe it has a glass or a bottle of water. Keep your desk clean. Keep the stuff clean and you will find that there’s nothing to get lost in, right? I have to do work on Facebook for a living so I do kind of a wonderful extension for Chrome called Kill Newsfeed which does exactly that. All I see on Chrome is my advertising and things like that so I don’t get suck down that rabbit hole.

Pete Mockaitis
Wow.

Peter Shankman
I go into specific places. I have five books that I’ve written, and for the last three of them have been written entirely on airplanes, I mean, I fly a lot for work, but flying is also the best place where I can get work done. So, I have actually done things where I will go and I will fly – I flew to Asia – to write a book. I flew to Asia, I had two weeks left to my deadline, I wrote chapters one through five on the flight out.

I landed in Tokyo, I went through immigration, I went back through immigration, I had a cup of coffee in the lounge, got back on the same plane, same seat two hours later, wrote chapters six through ten . . . landed 31 hours later with a bestselling book. It sounds crazy but, again, if it works for you it’s not.

[00:18:14]

Pete Mockaitis
And I’ve heard sort of different variance of that, writing a book was it J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter? She went to a hotel.

Peter Shankman
Yeah, she went to a hotel. Same thing. Same exact thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Or some others will go to a remote cabin or cottage.

Peter Shankman
My basic thing is if I need to work, I need to go to a place where I can go into… Cal Newport wrote a book called Deep Work, and the basic premise behind that is exactly that. On my plane, I’m in my, what I call my zone of focus, okay? Nothing can bother me. I have a flight attendant constantly bringing me water or soda, whatever.

It’s in-air in-flight internet which kind of sucks anyway, so I don’t have internet, right? All I have is my laptop, my comfortable seat, a bathroom 30 steps away, and 14 hours to do nothing. I use a wonderful program on the Mac called Ommwriter which allows you to shut down every other program, alert, whatever, on your computer as long as you’re using it, and only shows you a white screen that you can type on.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Interesting. And so that’s just for writing then.

Peter Shankman
Yup, and I put on a really good headphones, I have some great work music and I just go to town.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, let’s hear about the work music. What are you sporting there?

Peter Shankman
Oh, my God, it varies. It’s everything from themes, a lot of theme songs, a lot of movie soundtracks, some great ones. Everything from The Book of Eli which is all instrumental, all the way up to Rocky which has some really good powerful stuff on it, it keeps me going. For me, it’s really about listening, having that music play in the background.

Studies have shown time after time that music does help your concentration and, yeah, it’s really about having that. And I love my headphones, I have my Harman, P35 I think, great headphones. And I use everything I have to get what I need to get into the zone I need to be in, the place I need to be in so I can get everything I need to get done done.

Pete Mockaitis
So, with the music, are you deliberately choosing, “Hmm, I’m a little sluggish or sleepy. Let’s kind of pump it up,” versus, “Ooh, I’m a little bit all over the place. Let’s slow it down”? Or is that kind of how you’re playing that game?

Peter Shankman
Not necessarily. I have music. If you go to my work music it does tend to be a lot less vocals, a lot more instrumental, because if it’s vocals I’ll wind up singing along which might not often help. But it’s definitely a lot more instrumental. But, yeah, again it’s just music that I love. Whatever works for you, use. But, yeah, that’s the kind of stuff for me that I’m a huge fan of.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I am intrigued here. It seems like one of the themes we were talking about here from the early rising to the flying to Asia and back is about sort of isolation or separation from distractions in general, but people in particular. And so, I guess I’m curious about the other people side of the equation. It’s like one approach is to just get completely away from them via they’re not awake or you’re in a plane and you can’t be accessed. What are some of your other thoughts for how that you manage that area kind of prudently and appropriately?

Peter Shankman
Well, I have a four-year old daughter, and when I’m with her I want to be completely and fully with her, right? I don’t want to be looking at my phone so I’ll leave my phone in my room and just go out and play with her. For me, it’s really about being in that moment and being as present as possible, and I know that when my phone is in front of me I’m going to look at it, right?

And so, I also know that I’ve set up my life in such a way that I’ve worked. By the time 5:00, 6:00 p.m. is when I head home to see her, I’ve been working since – what? 6:00 a.m.? 7:00a.m.? – so, I can take a break.

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

Peter Shankman
I can go enjoy myself, and that to me is huge. There’s no guilt there. And I shut off my phone at night when I go to sleep at night. I don’t just put it on silent. I shut it off. And what I found from that is that, “Oh, my God, what happens if I shut it off? Will I miss so much?” You know how many times I’ve actually missed something important, I think once. And the people who matter in my life are my parents, my daughter’s mom, they have my home number.

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

Peter Shankman
Worst case, if it’s 2:00 in the morning, they can call the home number. It’s never been a problem. We make a lot more of these problems in our minds than really exists.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m also curious to hear, you’ve dropped the name of several tools whether it’s a Chrome extension or a piece of software or your headphones. I would love to hear all the more. What are some additional tools or hacks you’re using with the tools, whether it’s the calendar, the to-do list, or whatever, that you find handy for running your brain and your life?

Peter Shankman
Yeah, I think you have to figure out what ecosystem you belong to and stick with it. So, I’m in the Mac and Google ecosystems, so I have my iPhone. But because I’m on Google, I also use a Huawei Mate 10 which is a phenomenal phone, so I use both of them. And the apps that I use vary for what I need. I use everything from, I’m huge on WhatsApp, on WeChat, all that stuff where I go overseas a lot, so how can I continue to be connected and not have to worry about losing that connection wherever I go. And then I’ll shut down when I need to.

So, what other apps do I use? I love shopping. Being able to think about something I might need, add it to my shopping order over the course of a week and then just hit send every Saturday. So, again, it’s really just eliminating the choice and eliminating the worry of, “Did I put that there? Did I take care of that?” Whatever.

Pete Mockaitis
Right. Now, when you say hit send with shopping.

Peter Shankman
So, I use FreshDirect. That’s only in New York. I’m not sure if it’s everywhere. But essentially FreshDirect, I just order everything online, it shows up four days later. It’s from a store out in the city. It’s phenomenal.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s good. I dig Instacart here in Chicago.

Peter Shankman
Yeah, same thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. Okay. Well, any other things that you want to share when it comes to the creative energy or this mythical hyper-focus? How do we tap into some of these superpowers?

Peter Shankman
I would suggest one more thing, and that is that when you don’t have a deadline, that’s a problem. Like I can’t work without a deadline, and what I’ve learned is to tell my clients to give me an actual date and time that he wants something, because if they don’t, what ends up happening is it becomes the most important thing to do until the next project I get, and then that becomes the most important thing and I haven’t finished the first one.

So, if you tell me, “Oh, just give it to me whenever,” you’ll never get it. But if you tell me, “I need it by Tuesday at 4:00 p.m.,” you’ll get it on Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. because now I have a deadline to work backwards from there. And we do that a lot. Most CEOs, we tend to not be able to complete things because there’s always something new coming up. So, if you give me a deadline I’ll make sure I get it.

And the last thing I’d suggest is make sure you have a tribe of people who understand what you’re doing for a living and understand what you need and how they could benefit you. Essentially, have a support system. We don’t talk about this but working for someone else, entrepreneurship, whichever work you’re doing, it tends to get lonely, right? Most people don’t understand what you do and unless they’re working right with you and want to share people right with you because then it becomes a competitive thing.

You really want to focus on having a tribe of people. I mean, for me, I run a Mastermind group, it’s called ShankMinds and we have just under 200 people in it, all of whom are either entrepreneurial in nature or work for themselves, whatever. And I could say, “Guys, do me a favor. I’m putting it out here. I want to make sure I’m up for it. I have a thousand words I need to write by March. Make sure I get it done.” And I’ll get emails 6:00 a.m. “Hey, done it yet? Done it yet? Done it yet?” and it forces you to do it. It’s great. So, I’m a huge fan of having a tribe, having a group of people who you trust.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Well, thank you for sharing. And so, then, anything else on tapping into the hyper-focus and creative energies?

Peter Shankman
I think, at the end of the day, you can’t force it. If you’re not in a mode or in a mood or in the right place to get what you need done done, don’t do it right then; do it another time, right? Do something else. One thing that I’ve had great success with is doing things that I love first. So, I’ll go for a run or I’ll do something.

I talk to kids in school all the time and I tell them, “Look, if you have two subjects in homework, Math and English, and you love English but hate Math, do the English first. Because you love doing English, that in itself will give you a little bit of a brain chemistry boost that will let you get through the Math.”

Pete Mockaitis
Now, I find that logical on one hand, and then I’ve got in my other ear, “Is it Brian Tracy Eat That Frog advice associated with procrastination or feeling like a bowling winner who knocks out the trickiest thing, at the end of the day and feels momentum?” How do you…?

Peter Shankman
Here’s the thing, at the end of the day, your homework is due tomorrow, either way. So, for me, I look along the lines of being able to, I want every bit of availability to be able to do the stuff I love. And I know that if I do the stuff I love first I’ll be excited about it, I’ll be happy about it and then I will feel that hopefully will translate into giving me just a little bit of brain boost to get through that I don’t love. Now, I totally understand what Brian said and all that. I get that. It’s just different ways of working.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Got you. Well, then, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Peter Shankman
Oh, we’re good. I think, at the end of the day, ADHD or just trying to get more out of your day is actually a good thing as long as you know how to use it.

Pete Mockaitis
Now could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Peter Shankman
A friend of mine once told me this to me, he said, “If you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you.”

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, okay. I see two levels there.

Peter Shankman
Huge fan. Always been a huge fan of that.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Cool. And how about a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Peter Shankman
So, I used to date a woman who was neuroscientist, a Ph.D. neuroscientist, years ago. And she took me, she knew that I skydive, and she used to do studies on the brain and things like that. And one day, she said, “I want to your blood and do some tests on you for fun.” This test for me, she basically took my blood right before I jumped out of a plane, when I woke the day I was going skydiving because I have about 500 jumps, and then again when I came down. She said, “Yeah, when you woke up, you’re pretty much normal, classic ADHD, 25% less monoamine inhibitors, all those things,” I had no idea what she meant.

And she goes, “And then when you land, you’re pretty much a coke addict.” She goes, “You’re about as high as a kite, you’re about a mile away from being a full-pledged junkie.” I’m like, “Intriguing.” And so, it’s that sort of wakeup call that, “Yeah, this stuff really works and you can use it to your advantage.” I found that amazing. Getting your brain into that place where it’s just supercharged is such a good thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Cool. Thank you. And now, how about a favorite book?

Peter Shankman
What’s my current favorite book? There was a great book called They Can Kill You But They Can’t Eat You, it’s by a woman named Dawn Steel. She was the first female head at Paramount, and she talks all about making it in that industry. It’s a great book when you’re looking for inspiration.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, you’ve already mentioned several tools. But could you tell us about a total favorite of yours?

Peter Shankman
Like I said, Ommwriter is definitely a given. Anything that allows me to work better, faster, quicker without delay. So, whether that means not having to talk to people, it could be anything from an airline app all the way to my Canon camera which transfers photos from my real camera all the way to my phone automatically so you get great Instagram shots. Whatever it is.

Pete Mockaitis
How about TextExpander? I’m a huge fan myself.

Peter Shankman
I love TextExpander. Yeah, love TextExpander. I love, like I said, Ommwriter. All those things are great. I use a great one called Jing by TechSmith that allows me to grab, it’s a great screenshot program.

Pete Mockaitis
All right, yeah.

Peter Shankman
So, you have tons of them out there.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool.

Peter Shankman
Dropbox, Google Drive. Again, anything that works for you.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And is there a particular nugget that you share that you sort of hear quoted back to yourself often?

Peter Shankman
You can’t make anything viral but you can make something good.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Peter Shankman
My link is at shankman.com, the Mastermind is at ShankMinds.com, and the podcast/book on ADHD is at FasterThanNormal.com.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?
Peter Shankman
If you do nothing else, get up a half an hour earlier. It’ll change your life.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome. All right. Well, Peter, this has been such a treat. Thank you for sharing. And good luck in all of your writing and masterminding, and all you’re up to.

Peter Shankman
My pleasure. Looking forward to it. Talk soon.

Pete Mockaitis
Bye-bye.

260: Tools for Sticking with Your Biggest Goals with Dean Lindsay

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Dean Lindsay says: "The biggest challenge that we have to goal achievement is not goal setting; it's goal commitment."

Dean Lindsay shows how to achieve “PHAT” (Pretty, Hot And Tempting) goals by committing to them, strengthening reasons, and building true conviction.

You’ll Learn:

  1. Why it’s better to have real commitment rather than a good plan
  2. What it mean to be truly convicted of a goal’s value
  3. Dean’s six P’s of Progress

About Dean 

Dean Lindsay is hailed as an ‘Outstanding Thought Leader on Building Priceless Business Relationships’ by Sales and Marketing Executives International as well as a ‘Sales-and-Networking Guru’ by the Dallas Business Journal. His books, How to Achieve Big PHAT Goals, THE PROGRESS CHALLENGE: Working & Winning in a World of Change, and CRACKING THE NETWORKING CODE: 4 Steps to Priceless Business Relationships have sold over 100,000 copies worldwide and have been translated into Chinese, Hindi, Polish, Korean, Spanish and Greek.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Dean Lindsay Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Dean, thanks so much for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Dean Lindsay
Rock and roll. Thanks for having me, Pete.

Pete Mockaitis
We just discussed rock and roll and all of its implications. And so, well, I want to hear about you rocking and rolling, first of all. And how is it you ended up getting a role in the movie Twister? What’s the backstory? And how did that go for you?

Dean Lindsay
You know what’s funny? No one has ever asked me that.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s what we aspire to as podcasters. It’s awesome.

Dean Lindsay
That’s right. there’s actually not only about it, about being in it, but Bill Paxton had actually a great deal to do as a catalyst. I was in that for Big PHAT Goals being created. Yes, so Twister is a long, long time ago. So, back in the ‘90s, ’97 when Twister was, I was in an acting endeavor trying to become an actor, had a little bit of success in Walker, Texas Ranger in a couple of movies of the week.

Pete Mockaitis
Is that Chuck Norris? Oh, nice.

Dean Lindsay
Huh? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Is it true the legends?

Dean Lindsay
He’s a cool kid. Yeah, that was a real fun experience. But the movie was being shot in Oklahoma, and I live in Texas, and they decided to have a casting possibility for Texas actors, and me and a buddy of mine drove up to Oklahoma City to audition, and I got the part. It was a really, really great experience. I was one of the bad guys driving the black vans, so I was there the entire time.

What I was going to say about Bill Paxton, two things. I write about Bill Paxton in my first book Cracking the Networking CODE because Bill Paxton was an amazing leader, an amazing happy gregarious man. And I wrote about him in Cracking the Networking CODE as just somebody who you just wanted to be around that guy. He was always there to help, he was always there to lift everybody up.

When we were making Twister the director of photography and the director had a falling out to the degree where the director of photography quit. And when he quit he took a third of the crew with him, and so we didn’t know if they were going to finish the movie, and a lot of the big stars actually went home. They went back to California or they went to New York City.

Bill Paxton did not. He stayed in Ponca City, Oklahoma at the Holiday Inn and he rallied the troops, and he would be out there playing touch football during the day, and he’d be leading conversations, and to evening, encouraging everybody to, “Stay, stay, stay. We’re going to get this movie made. We’re going to get this movie made.” And, sure enough, it did. It happened.

And then, in reference to Big PHAT Goals, I was working on Big PHAT Goals, How to Achieve Big PHAT Goals, off and on for about a year and a half and I had a cover design, and it was kind of slowly moving into existence. But on February 26 of 2017 Bill Paxton died. And when he died it was on my daughter’s birthday.

When he died and she came in and told me, I was like, “Man, Bill Paxton, a man who so full of life, who has no health scare, nothing that I had heard about or whatever, is just gone and it’s just over.” It just spurred me into action, and said, “You don’t get to throw or something that you’re going to do later down the road.” And so, I moved Big PHAT up to the very top of my list and got it out into the world.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that’s inspiring. Thank you. And a good reminder. Not easy to forget. Well, now tell us, what is this book How to Achieve Big PHAT Goals all about? And why is it so important to you to have the world have this?

Dean Lindsay
That’s a great question, Pete. You know, there are a lot of goal books out there, and this book really is a companion book to any goal-setting book, to any goal-planning book, to your daily planner, to whatever that you have, and this is not to compete with smart goals or anything like that. The biggest challenge that we have to goal achievement is not goal setting; it’s goal commitment.

Big PHAT Goals is about goal commitment. Especially at the beginning of the year, we set these big, lofty goals that we get tingles about, “Whoa,” you’re telling people about, “What we’re going to do…” and then we don’t forget that we’re going to do them. What happens is we don’t stay connected to why, so that goal is big enough but it’s not phat enough, and that’s the phat in the Big PHAT Goal’s acronym is how we must remind ourselves and continually strengthen the reasons behind the action.

Shakespeare said, “Strong reasons make strong actions.” Not just reasons; strong reasons. And that goes also with the competition of what you choose to do with your time as well. If you’re not pursuing your goals, you’re still pursuing something, and you’re pursuing something for a reason. And if you’re pursuing something other than your goals that means that those other things weighed heavier or phatter in your mind at that moment.

Not at the end of the day when you later hit on the pillow, and you think, “Oh, what I should’ve done,” or not in the beginning of the day when you’re rolling out your lofty plans and what you’re going to do that day; but in the nanosecond. Commitment is a moment-by-moment decision. And you can say you’re committed to something, but it’s not about saying it; it’s about consistently doing actions that you believe are going to take closer to your goals.

Big phat goals, How to Achieve Big PHAT Goals is a goal commitment program because if you stay committed to your goals, I guarantee you, you will get a lot closer to achieving them than if you have all the plans in the world. It’s not a plan you need; it’s commitment.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Now, you keep saying phat, and so in text form, for the listener, you spell that out P-H-A-T. And I don’t remember what the movie trailer was but I feel like, when I was a kid, I heard repeatedly there’s a movie where a guy said that some woman was phat, and she was alarmed, like, “What?” And he said, “P-H-A-T, pretty hot and tempting.” And she said, “Oh, okay.”

Dean Lindsay
Good job.

Pete Mockaitis
What movie was that? I couldn’t find it.

Dean Lindsay
That was Money Talks, and it’s Chris Tucker.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Now, we know.

Dean Lindsay
Yeah, Chris Tucker, 1997. He was supposedly the first person to say it, and you’re also the very first person to ever to have that even that much information. No one else.

Pete Mockaitis
You see, Dean, I do my research.

Dean Lindsay
Yeah, way to be a kid in the ‘90s. Yes, so that basically, I had the program. Back in 2001 I wrote How to Achieve Big Fat Goals, F-A-T, and FAT was all about making your goal heavy in your mind. So, the premise was basically this aim. But then, when I found out what phat stood for, that it stands for pretty, hot and tempting, I said, “Wow, that’s exactly the same point I’m making.”

When we choose to pursue some other goal other than our goals, at that moment is prettier, hotter and more tempting to us. Now, you can say it’s not but it is at that moment. Then we go deeper into how we make something pretty, hot and tempting, I know by concept of progress versus chance, but that’s basically it. Yeah, it’s kind of cool to change the letters but if that was all I was doing in this book, was just doing a little spelling, have a little spelling fun with the word phat, I’d be really embarrassed.

This book is all about that. The whole concept of this book, the way to armor up, the way to compete and go to combat, really, with all the marketing of how you could, would, should choose to invest your time is to remember. You see is you got to remember you got to make your goals phatter. Yes, that’s a cool thing to do, right?

The only problem that we have, Pete, is that we don’t have like one great thing to do and a whole bunch of crappy things to do. We have a bunch of good things, there’s so much good choices, right? There’s so much good choices and there’s the one, of all the things that you could do that would move you closer to your goals, and they’re going to be phat.

The other options are going to be phat. I’m not saying they’re not phat. We need to be realistic, they are phat. Netflix is not making un-phat shows to watch. Every show is designed to be phat, right? Binge watching Orange is the New Black, you can’t say that is a bad use of your time, right? You can say it’s not your choice use of your time, but thousands of people do it. But is that going to move you closer to your big phat goals?

So, that’s what I’m trying to say here in this book, is people lots of times who went out to setting a goal and then trying to get a plan, but what they really need is commitment. Because when you implement a plan you’re going to run up against roadblocks and difficulties and challenges and guess your plan was not very good. And so, now, you got to have to fall back on that commitment to pull back together and try again.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I’m sold. Let’s talk about it. How do you amp up the commitment, I’d say, up front and then in the moment when you’re tempted with the Netflix program or whatever it may be?

Dean Lindsay
Everything. Anything. It could be anything.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah.

Dean Lindsay
Well, I love a quote from Pat Benatar, “With the power of commitment there is no sacrifice.”

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Dean Lindsay
With the power of commitment. No, I’m sorry, not the power of commitment; with the power of conviction. Sorry, I knew I said it all too simply. With the power of conviction there is no sacrifice. With the power of conviction there is no sacrifice. Now, to be convicted, that means you know your New Year’s resolution or the goal you set that is, of everything you could choose to do, that is it. You are convicted.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, let’s wait here. You know. What is it that you know?

Dean Lindsay
That the goal you have for your life is the best choice of all the other things you could choose to do with your time.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. I love it. Now, we’re getting somewhere. Now, this is a high bar that most goals don’t reach.

Dean Lindsay
They can reach but that just means we have to dig into the why. We have to continually say and think of all the different benefits that’s how you get the power of the conviction. I love this phrase from Pat Benatar because you just don’t get conviction. How do you get conviction? It’s about the pain of actually digging into it.

And in the book I lay out what I call the six P’s of progress, and it’s really kind of the big psychology. I studied Dr. Viktor Frankl’s work, local therapy, and that’s kind of what spurred me to create the six P’s of progress because local therapy is all about meaning therapy and how we derive meaning. And so, I looked at Dr. Viktor Frankl’s concept of meaning, and I kind of took it into the business acumen and tried to kind of chew on it for a while, and I came up with what I call the six P’s of progress.

And that is that everything we do, when I say we, I mean the big huge collectively; everybody listening to this, everybody who’s working, sleeping, whatever. Everybody. Everything. Everything we do, consciously or subconsciously we do because we believe the perceived consequences of those actions are that we will fill the unique right mixture of pleasure, peace of mind, profit, prestige, pain avoidance, and power.

And what that means, Pete, is that whatever goal, and let me say it this way, if somebody gives you an idea of something you could do, choose to do it with your time, listen to the way they say it because they’re going to say something, “It’ll be good for you, you’ll enjoy it, it’ll be fun.” Well, that goes right back to the six P’s of progress. It’ll bring you pleasure.

Now, I’m not saying it won’t bring pleasure. It probably will bring you pleasure. But is it bringing you more pleasure than you staying on task of what you were doing? There’s short-term pleasure and there’s long-term pleasure. But all marketing comes down to the six P’s of progress: pleasure, peace of mind, profit, prestige, pain avoidance and power.

And there are many, many people and professional organizations and associations, and commercials, everything, trying to get you to adapt a goal, trying to get you to pursue their goals.

Pete Mockaitis
Like, I kind of buy that product because that’s going to make me money, it’s going to be a lot of fun, it’s going to attract a phat lady or gentleman into life in or around you.

Dean Lindsay
Right. Right. Right. And so, if you’re going to pursue your goal then your goal has to be phatter.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Dean Lindsay
Or you’re going to be more susceptible to those other things. So, what I encourage people in my workshops or in the book to do is to actually go through, and don’t just – I call it goal-crafting – don’t just craft a goal but actually go through a few exercises of, “How will this goal bring me pleasure? How will this goal bring me peace of mind? How accomplishing this goal…?” You see what I’m saying? So, that when somebody else has other choices of what you could choose to do with your time, or even you, you have weighed your goal down so much that, yes, those other things are still good, just not as good.

Pete, let me tell you something you might not have heard before. You nor I can do or have it all.

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

Dean Lindsay
We cannot.

Pete Mockaitis
I’m convinced. Well, indeed, I think Paula Pant says it well in terms of you can’t afford anything, you can’t afford everything, and I’m right with it when it comes to opportunity costs and that.

Dean Lindsay
Same thing.

Pete Mockaitis
And so, then, I’m really connecting with your sentence there that you are convicted when you know the goal you’ve selected is the top best use of your time. And I think that is absolutely true, and I’ve been there before, and so, you gave us a bit of a framework for the six P’s. And so, then, how do we go about doing the hard thinking, the soul searching, the questioning, the exploration, the decision making to arrive at that place of conviction? So, the six P’s is a handy framework, but I guess I’m thinking, again, there’s a billion potential uses of your time. So, how do we zero in on the one thing?

Dean Lindsay
That’s a great question. I’m not sure, are you asking about the one goal or the one action?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m thinking about the one goal. Or there are multiple goals, you tell me. You know, in your framework, are you thinking about use this for one, two, three, four, five goals or priorities of your life? Or how are you envisioning the load of phat goals a life can handle?

Dean Lindsay
Yeah. You know, I kind of purposely stayed away from that aspect because it works on any level, whatever goal you want to have, if it’s a big goal as far as, I mean, it could be as simple as choosing to eat healthy, you know. Or it could be as much as trying to get a master’s degree but the same workings go into it as far as continually selling yourself on the benefits of that goal.

I did not write Big PHAT Goals to have any kind of sway over anybody on what they should do except to say that if you want to control your mind and your choices, control your why, control your understanding of, and be a lot more realistic about other people’s perceived benefits for the actions they want you to take, “Come out with us tonight. Come out.”

“You know, I plan on getting to bed early,” because you’re going to get up and go run, or you’re going to get up and do some research for your sales call the next day, right? And so, there’s pros and cons to every activity so I don’t necessarily think that this book should guide you to a direction in life. It’s a book to help you stay committed to that direction.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, you’re saying that what I’m really pressing on is not what you have created. Yours is more about maintaining commitment as opposed to arriving at an optimal upfront decision.

Dean Lindsay
I do have some stuff in the book, yeah, I guess you could definitely say that. I wouldn’t know, I mean, I don’t know how you could even start in the book like that. I mean, then you go open a Pandora’s box of everything people could do and that includes the Peace Corps. What are you going to do? I say I don’t know your deck of cards. I don’t know the influence you’ve gotten from other people.

The only exercise I do in the book to help kind of spur this kind of conversation because it’s a framework that then people can go back and use over and over and over again. I do have an exercise in the book that has you kind of vison board the next 15 years of your life, everything you want to have accomplished and done, and big stuff and little stuff, and the food you want to have eaten, and people you want to have met, and bands you want to have seen in concerts, and learning to play a guitar, and you run through everything you want to have accomplished in 15 years.

And then that exercise takes a couple of deep kind of turns to where you do start to see some certain things bubble to the top as far as the ones that are the biggest ones that you kind of going after. But, even then, it’s a very general thing. In some of the workshops, when I do in small groups or webinars, we’ll go through the classic wheel of life type thing where you’re looking at your life and spiritual and financial and family and health and all those things. You kind of get a gauge of where things are but that’s also, and as it should be, very subjective.

Pete Mockaitis
Right. And so, I think that you’ve surfaced up one or two kind of tools where it comes to imagining up the course of 15 years, what really are the long-term dream that this thing is connected to, thinking about the extent to which there is alignment within some goals versus others. I know we’re both fans of Jay Papasan with The ONE Thing. That’s one thing that would make everything else easier or unnecessary. I think it’s an awesome question and book there.

So, yeah, so thanks for playing ball as I really put you on the spot here, but I think that that is some of the really hard work upfront in terms of arriving there. But you got me really fired up and inspired about how when you arrive at that point of conviction, you know the goal you’ve selected is the top best use of your time. I think you really are unstoppable.

And so, you’re saying then, once you got that in play you keep it fresh by making it phatter, digging into the six P’s. And any other pro tips for renewing and refreshing that commitment as the temptations arise?

Dean Lindsay
Yeah, one of the things that people talk about writing down goals, and I really believe in writing a goal but also it’s also how you write the goal. I don’t encourage people to write a goal just as kind of a reminder of the goal but actually write it in such a way that it becomes a self-fulfilling affirmation. You know what I’m saying? What you do want, not what you don’t want. Not using future tense. Making sure that you’re saying things in such a way that it actually gives your mind momentum, that you’re crafting it so it propels you into action.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. All right. Well, any final thoughts before we shift gears and talk about some of your favorite things?

Dean Lindsay
Well, I really like what you were throwing out there, Pete. I thank you for shaking it up because you’re right, you’re touching on something that there’s so much competition of, you know, you said it earlier, of options. We have so many options and that can get incredibly overwhelming, and that’s the reason we need to do the deep work to decide, well, what we’re supposed to be doing.

Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. Yeah, cool. Well, now, can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Dean Lindsay
Very cool. Well, I told you that one. That was the one that I definitely… the quote from Pat Benatar. But my other favorite quote, I’m pulling it up right now, it comes from my man Dr. Viktor Frankl. The one that I like a lot is that, “Between stimulus and response, there’s a space, and it is in that space that we have the power to choose our response.”

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Dean Lindsay
Man’s Search for Meaning.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s good. And a favorite tool?

Dean Lindsay
Yeah, I was wondering what that meant.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, sure. Yeah. That means sort of like it’s an app or piece of software or something that you use frequently that helps you be awesome at your job? Some people say a hammer, a measuring tape, or Google Docs, whatever it may be.

Dean Lindsay
What do I use a bunch? I use Canva. Have you ever used Canva?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’ve heard a little bit. Explain.

Dean Lindsay
Canva is a great tool for making JPEGs and putting quotes and making social media posts then brochures and LinkedIn headlines. It’s a great tool for making JPEGs.

Pete Mockaitis
Right. And do you have a favorite habit?

Dean Lindsay
Do I have a favorite habit? Yeah, ones that I’m proud of? You know what, I do. I do actually, Pete. About two and a half years ago, my walking shoes or running shoes are right at the back door right now. I walk every morning. Talk about a five-mile loop.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, wow.

Dean Lindsay
I recommend it. I don’t even put headphones and I just kind of greet the day and be in the open and taking a lot of deep breaths, so that’s definitely a habit I’m very happy about.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome. And is there a particular nugget you share in your speeches or writing that really seems to connect and resonate with folks, they retweet it, they quote it back to you? What would that be?

Dean Lindsay
It’s a two-word phrase.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Dean Lindsay
Be progress. People must view you as – for them to want to be in a relationship with you – they need to view you as the unique right mixture of pleasure, peace of mind, profit, prestige, pain avoidance, and power, the six P’s of progress. You must be progress.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Thank you. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Dean Lindsay
DeanLindsay.com, D-E-A-N-L-I-N-D-S-A-Y.com.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have a favorite challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Dean Lindsay
Compliment somebody. Thank them, compliment them, tell them they did good.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome. Well, Dean, thank you so much for sharing your expertise and wisdom and time. You have planted a tantalizing question deep inside me; how does one know the goal you’ve selected is the top best use of your time. And you’ve give us a great starting point there. I have a feeling I’ll be chewing on this for years to come. So, much, much appreciated, and good luck in all you’re up to with Big PHAT Goals, and more.

Dean Lindsay
Thank you, Pete.