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1019: Achieving More with One Bold Move per Day with Shanna Hocking

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Shanna Hocking shares transformative mindsets to help you advance your career and achieve your goals.

You’ll Learn

  1. How daily bold moves increase confidence
  2. Powerful mantras to keep self-doubt at bay
  3. How to stop dreading difficult conversations

About Shanna 

Shanna A. Hocking is a leadership consultant and coach, fundraising strategist, speaker, and writer. Shanna spent 20 years in fundraising leadership at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, University of Alabama, and Duke University.

She is the author of One Bold Move a Day: Meaningful Actions Women Can Take to Fulfill Their Leadership and Career Potential. Shanna’s expertise has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Fortune, Wall Street Journal, The Muse, and Harper’s Bazaar UK. Shanna was named a LinkedIn Top Voice in 2024.

Resources Mentioned

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Shanna Hocking Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Shanna, welcome.

Shanna Hocking
Pete, I’m so glad to be here together with you.

Pete Mockaitis
I am so glad to be here as well. I think you’ve got so much really cool wisdom associated with career advancement and strategy and wise goodness, and I’m excited to dig in.

Shanna Hocking
Great. Let’s do it.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, could you kick us off with a particularly surprising or counterintuitive insight you’ve come to about us professionals trying to advance? What’s something you know that most of us don’t?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I’d like to believe that my job is to bring out things that people already know about themselves and maybe just need that encouragement. So, I think people need a reminder that they belong exactly where they are. We get to the table, the role, the seat, whatever it is, and then we start to think that maybe we didn’t belong there in the first place because it’s new and it’s challenging us. So, I think the reminder I want to give is that you belong exactly where you are and you’re meant to be there right now and your voice is important.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s very encouraging and hopeful. And I’m curious to hear, what happens if we don’t have that message in our hearts and minds, and we think something’s amiss? What are the implications for us in terms of how we show up and advance or fail to advance in career?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I think, first, it’s very important to say that most everyone feels this feeling when they’re in that role. It’s very normal. And so, if that’s something that you’re experiencing, you’re okay, you’re still in the right place. I think what happens if we don’t hear that voice of encouragement or that peer mentor or mentor to support us, we start to let that voice become much bigger than our expertise and our initiative. And we miss a chance to shine, to share ideas, to add value, and then, really, we are missing out, but so is our workplace.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And can you share us, you’ve got a book called One Bold Move a Day, which is fun. I like bold moves.

Shanna Hocking
One Bold Move a Day is a message to you that you can achieve all of your personal and professional goals through a single intentional and meaningful action that you choose for yourself each day.

Pete Mockaitis
I like it. You’ve done this before, Shanna.

Shanna Hocking
I have done this before, and I really love telling this story about bold moves because people hear those words, bold and move, and they make a decision about what that means. And a bold move, as I define it, is a meaningful action that helps you move forward, learn, and grow. And with that mindset, you can see how this is attainable for you and worth trying.

Pete Mockaitis
I like it. And it also feels manageable and yet also meaningful and potentially transformative when strung together over many days in consecutive sequence. Could you share with us a cool story so we can get a taste for what exactly is the transformation that might be in store for us if we do one bold move a day?

Shanna Hocking
Sure. Well, I was delivering a workshop at a university this week, and I had been on campus with this team before, and at the break someone came over to me and she said, “Shanna, I had been waiting to tell you that I made my bold move.” And for her, there had been something she had been reluctant to do. I mean, every one of us has that thing on our to-do list that we need to do or want to do, but we feel hesitant for whatever reason.

Maybe we’re anticipating a negative outcome, or maybe we’re unsure if we have the capacity to do it, or we just really put it aside because it’s not our favorite thing to do. And so, she used this framework as the motivation to do the thing that had been on her to-do list for a very long time. And after she learned it, she felt compelled to make that bold move the next day.

And it was really meaningful for me to hear that story in real time from her because I think it’s important for us to realize that a bold move can be the big billboard moment in our career and in our life, or it could be just that thing on your to-do list that you need to move forward.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, can you tell us what was that thing and what happened as a result of doing it?

Shanna Hocking
Sure. So, for her, she needed to reach out to someone to have a conversation, and I think we often think about these as difficult conversations, and so when we put that kind of language on the anticipatory feelings about the conversation, we create these self-doubts and worry in our mind that it might not go well.

And the bold move framework reminds us that it’s an opportunity to grow and learn from it, and so I like to redefine this as an important conversation to have. And when she was able to do that, she was able to move forward a project that had been stuck because she put herself out there and followed through. And even if it hadn’t gone the way that she wanted, she would have learned something from that experience.

Pete Mockaitis
I love that example so much in terms of reaching out to someone to have a conversation that you’ve put off. And I’m thinking there have been times in my life I could think of, there were two key emails, and I thought, “Oh, you know what? If I could set up a partnership with this person, that could just be so huge.” And I thought, “Oh, but he’s such a big deal. I don’t know. Like, why would he pay attention to little me?” and, “Well, hey, it can’t hurt.”

And so, I put it off. I put it off, and then I did. And that led to, literally, a partnership with thousands of hours of coaching and then hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue.

And I almost didn’t do it because I got scared, or thinking to myself, “Oh, no, it’s not going to go anywhere. Why bother?” or, getting too perfectionistic with it. It’s like, “Okay, this could be huge, so I really got to make sure this message is the most amazing thing ever,” but then, “Oh, but now it’s too long. No one wants to look at that wall of text.” And so, so back and forth, and yet, that was massive.

And then another time, I read an article about someone who had a cool business in the Wall Street Journal, and I was like, “Huh, you know, we could help you guys with that.” And so, I thought, “Oh, I don’t know, this guy is, you know, a founder/CEO of a billion-dollar company. He’s probably going to ignore his messages.” The same thing! You think I would have learned my lesson, but over a decade later, I guess I forgot. It’s like, “You know what, let’s just go ahead and do this thing.” And then, like, 14 minutes later, he’s like, “Yeah, we should talk to our VP of whatever.”

And so, we got the meeting and, hopefully, that works out. But, yeah, I like what you’re saying there. It’s, like, one bold move a day, that is attainable, writing a tricky email or reaching out to someone that you kind of been a little skittish about or procrastinating, can really be transformative in terms of the doors that it opens up.

Shanna Hocking
Yes, and I love both of those examples. Do you happen to remember, Pete, what motivated you to do that most recent bold move that you told us about?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it’s funny. It’s really silly and idiosyncratic, but I’ll share it with you anyway. I was fascinated by Kalshi.com, in which they gained regulatory approval to enable people to, essentially, bet on the election. And I was like, “Wow, this website is so fascinating. There’s all these things that you can bet on. Everyone, be very careful. Don’t get carried away.”

And so, I was getting carried away in terms of, like, you could bet on the weather, and I was like, “Oh, well, how could I get an informational edge about the weather? Where are some personal weather stations I could access that other people don’t know about?” And so, I was kind of getting obsessive about this, and I came to realize, “You know, Pete, even if you, like, clean up on betting on the weather, you’ll be so much better off just spending that time obsessing about and figuring out stuff to make your businesses work better.”

So, I was having a conversation with one of the executives, and I said, “Hey, so you knowing me and my strengths, like what should I be obsessing on that can improve our business and that’s not the weather because this is not really healthy or valuable?” And he’s like, “Well, how about partnerships?” And I was like, “You know, I read something about partnerships, and I had this idea. Let’s go ahead and do that.” So, it was sort of sharing that with someone else.

And I guess maybe there’s a little bit of vulnerability there too, it’s like, “I realize I’ve been wasting my time and life. You tell me how I might spend it better,” and then that kind of brought the idea right back up to the surface.

Shanna Hocking
Well, I think what’s so interesting about the way that you did this is that sometimes we go down a path, we don’t even know we’re going down this path maybe too far or wherever we are, and the power of having someone in community with us to offer reflection or insight about either a different path we need to go down or a different way to look at that path. And I think that that’s really true of bold moves. People may never know the bold moves that we make unless we share them, and there’s a lot of power in doing this together with others that you care about and care about you.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so could you help us think a little bit more about these bold moves? It seems like one category might be reach out to somebody or do the thing you’ve been procrastinating. Can you share with us any other guiding lights or shortcuts which might suggest, “Here’s a likely valuable bold move for you”?

Shanna Hocking
I would say that it could be sharing your idea in a meeting, or giving difficult feedback to your boss or another senior leader when you have a different perspective that’s important to share. Connecting and meeting with your mentor is a bold move, whether that’s a peer mentor or an aspirational leader that you’d like to be more about.

Learning is a bold move. Saying, “I have something that I can contribute to the world, but I have greater capacity to learn about it,” that’s a bold move too. And so, this reframe is, “Oh, not only am I able to do this today, but I’m going to give myself credit and celebrate the progress that I’ve made once I’ve done it.”

Pete Mockaitis
I like that. And so then, how do you think about the time? If one bold move a day, is there a place on your calendar where it’s like, “Okay, 10:30 a.m. It’s bold move time,” or how does that go down?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I’m not quite as formal as that because I really think that once you adopt this practice, there is the idea that you have to open up those doors to make them happen, and if that works for you to say, “At 10:30 a.m. I’m going to do this,” that’s great. Over time, you’re going to see doors open, and the question is, “Are you going to walk through it?”

And so, what I mean by this is you’re in a networking conversation with somebody at a conference or a work gathering, and they say something that you think, “Should I add this comment? Should I ask more about this?” And that momentary decision that you are considering and the choice that you make accompanied with it is potentially your bold move of the day.

So, you can’t plan that that’s going to happen at 10:30, but you can say, “When I walk into this networking gathering at this conference, I’m going to walk up to someone and talk to them,” first bold move, “and maybe I’m going to ask them a question about something that interests me that they might want to share more about,” and there’s the second bold move of the day.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s really cool. And one of the top things our listeners say they want to improve on is confidence, and confidence is tricky, because that could mean one of several very specific things. But if we were to generalize a bit, it would seem that continually doing these bold moves is probably one of the top practices for growing a general sense of confidence, self-belief, self-efficacy, “Hey, I can do some things here.”

Shanna Hocking
So well said. People often say to me, “Shanna, I don’t feel confident enough to make this bold move.” And just like you’ve said, I remind them that confidence comes from taking action to move you closer to your potential. And so, in making that bold move, no matter what the outcome is, you’re building your confidence.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And share with us, in the moment when we have those fear or impostor-types of feelings and emotions, how do you recommend we power through?

Shanna Hocking
I find it really helpful to have a mantra to power through, particularly if you’re going to walk into a situation or be faced with a situation that you anticipate will either cause you to shrink back or not speak up, and there’s a whole host of mantras that might work for you. “One bold move a day” is a great one. I really like to say, “I will achieve more than I ever thought possible.” And that kind of reminder in the moment of, “Can I possibly do this?” helps me to move forward and make my bold move too.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah. Can I hear some other mantras that are really helpful and resonant for folks?

Shanna Hocking
Sure. Well, I’ll tell you a story about a mantra that could be applicable, depending on where you are in your career. If you’ve just stepped into a new role and you’re feeling those feelings we’ve talked about already, Pete, about, “Do I belong here? Can I do this?” you were hired for a reason. And so, there have been points in time in my career where I made this level-up moment. I’m into my first managerial role, for example, and I thought, “I can’t possibly do what is being asked of me in this moment right now.”

And so, I looked in the mirror and I reminded myself of my title and my role, and that alone gave me the confidence to say, “Oh, yeah, no, I am a big deal and I can do this.” So, that’s another potential mantra that might work for you in the moment to remind yourself someone chose you for the role that you’re in.

I really like to think about mantras that motivate you. So, if you’re motivated by gratitude, if you’re motivated by celebrating progress, then you can say, “I will learn something from this and I will celebrate afterward no matter the outcome.” Or you can say, “I’m so grateful for all I’ve been able to accomplish, and I know that I can achieve more.”

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s good. I imagine this could take so many fun flavors in terms of as many unique people and messages that we find resonant, you know, there could be plenty. And I’m wondering if you have a system or process by which you recommend people go about unearthing an effective mantra for themselves?

Shanna Hocking
I find that mantras are often things that come to us. There are things that we hear from other people or we read in a book and it’s the kind of thing you write into the margin or you write down on a Post-it note or in your phone, and you’re like, “That works for me.” What version of that worked for you? What motivated you? What did it make you want to do? And then, can you apply that directly or adapt it to create the mantra that will be the one that you can most rely on?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, I like that. You could catch it from any number of unlikely sources. I’m thinking, once I was watching this goofy reality TV program, and some guy was trying to psych himself up to ask for a date, and he said something like, “You’re alive for 14,000 more days, and this will not be the one that you look back on and are disappointed,” or something like that. Like, it was intense, like, “Whoa, this is life or death, there’s a limited number of days,” and that’s true, we do have a limited number of days.

And so, he brought that, and, sure enough, he asked for the date, and it worked out, so great job, reality TV guy. So, yeah, just sort of maybe keeping our antennas up for where those bits of inspiration can come from, or maybe where they’ve come from in years past, but maybe we’ve forgotten, from a favorite book or movie or whatever.

Shanna Hocking
Love that. I think that there’s lots of inspiration that we can take in everything around us if we’re looking and listening.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And you recommend folks adopt a few key mindsets. Can you expand upon these?

Shanna Hocking
Yes. So, the bold move mindset is the foundation for making your bold moves each day, and the bold move mindset is made up of four individual and complementary components. The gratitude mindset, being grateful for all you have and all you are. The happiness mindset, reminding yourself that happiness does not come when you reach success. Every day, you are working towards something that’s important to you, and that’s what’s defining your happiness.

The progress mindset, celebrating every step of this journey and honoring what you’ve learned along the way. And the “and” mindset, the recognition that you can experience two different things at the same time, such as joy and challenge, and embracing that you are more than one thing at any given time.

Pete Mockaitis
Wow, those are powerful and grand. Do you have any pro tips on how we might cultivate these effectively?

Shanna Hocking
I think the gratitude mindset is a very approachable way to start. Lots of people talk about gratitude, Pete, and the very first time that I read about this and heard about this, I was reluctant to try it. I’m way too practical and way too actionable to think that a gratitude journal was going to change my life. And the idea of writing down three things each day that I was grateful for gave me the pause to think about what I’d already been through and what I’d already learned, and accept that and accept myself.

And I have found that that is a great place to start, and starting to figure out how the bold move framework can apply to you, and whether you do this in the morning or the evening, it doesn’t matter. It is the idea of saying, “I’m grateful for what I have in this day,” not the biggest things that we’re grateful for every day, but, “Today, what am I grateful for?” And that comes with accepting yourself and giving yourself credit too.

Pete Mockaitis
And, Shanna, I’d love to get your perspective when it comes to gratitude journals. I’ve done this exercise off and on at times, and what’s interesting is sometimes it feels very perfunctory, like I’m checking the box, “I’m grateful for this. I’m grateful for this. I’m grateful for this. And so, yep, those, in fact, I objectively, logically understand, these are blessings, and it is good to have them. That is special and rare, and, thusly, gratitude is an appropriate response.” It’s almost sort of like robotic.

And other times when I’m doing the gratefulness practice, boy, I’m really feeling it, in terms of like, “Wow, this is just, wow, a tremendous blessing.” And my heart is open and expanded and I could see how this leads to all sorts of benefits and sort of health outcomes and goodness that they say happens when you do a gratitude journal.

So, do you have any perspective on that? When doing the gratitude thing, sometimes I’m really feeling it, and sometimes I’m not, I prefer to be feeling it more. How do you think about that?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I think it’s a really good point because, again, I was the reluctant person when I started this too. And what I’ll say is, at the very beginning, it might feel like a to-do list item that you have to check off, and there was a transformation for me that happened when I realized that it was okay to be grateful for getting to visit my favorite coffee shop. There was nothing silly or mundane about that. It was a recognition of something special that happened during the day.

And like any practice, if we only do it when we’re feeling like the top of our game, then it’s not going to become a habit that will outlast the difficult moments and the difficult days. If we only write when we’re in flow, then we’re not going to be able to be a great writer. We have to be able to do it even when it’s not coming as easily because it’s the practice of the work that we’re putting in.

So, with gratitude, if it’s feeling like, “Today’s not my day for me to recognize these three things for myself,” then practice sending it to someone else, “Pete, I really value that you invited me to be on your podcast. And I especially value your vulnerability in our conversation today. I just wanted to tell you that I thought it was great.” Then I’m expressing gratitude to someone else and I’m still getting the power of that feeling for myself, and I’m sharing the joy with someone else.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. That’s nice. And how about the progress mindset?

Shanna Hocking
So, the progress mindset for me formed because I was so busy going on to the next thing, the next goal, the next close, the next outcome, the next job title. And every time I got to that milestone, I would high-five myself, but then I’d be like, “Okay, what’s next?” And when you’re constantly waiting to get to this next thing, you’re not being present in the moment, and that’s what I experienced for myself. And I was really hard on myself, and I still am, I have to work through this.

So, what can I do to celebrate the progress that I’ve made? I haven’t finished the project. We don’t have to wait till the end for a celebration. You need to celebrate the progress along the way in order to be motivated to keep going. This is particularly true if you’re a people leader. How are you celebrating progress for your team members so that they can navigate the challenges and keep working through them, and see what the outcomes will be even if it’s not the way that they hoped or planned?

Pete Mockaitis
That’s nice. And tell us, when it comes to team leading, one bold move I’ve discovered is the bold move of letting go of some things, and asking another colleague to take it on. And delegation can be challenging in terms of, “Oh, no one can do it as well as I can do it,” or you have some fears, concerns. Can you share with us any of your top tips when it comes to delegating, letting go, empowering others?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I will say that no matter where you are in your career, whether you are working together with an intern or a colleague, or you are a chief executive, delegating is a learned skill and it requires practice. I think that the very first tip in understanding how to approach delegating is changing the mindset from, “I can’t do it all,” or, “I’m not good enough, and therefore I have to do this,” to, “What opportunities can I create for other people around me to learn and maybe get to the place where I am? And how can doing this allow me to focus on my best and highest use of time, which allows me to contribute more to the world?”

That mindset shift is so important. I often hear people trying to hang on to doing it all because they think they’re supposed to. And then from there, it’s really understanding what is important to other people to achieve, and, “How can I help them do this? And how can I help create opportunities for learning? And then how can I communicate clearly about what is expected so I can set someone up for success in this process?”

Pete Mockaitis
Well, these things make great sense in terms of a great mindset to have going into it as well as some principles to follow, to have that be more likely to be successful. Can you share with us any nitty-gritty do’s and don’ts within this?

Shanna Hocking
Absolutely. The first thing to know is that if you’re going to delegate something to someone, you cannot micromanage them throughout the whole process if you want this to be successful for you or for them. So, in the beginning, it might take an extra 10 minutes or 15 minutes to say, “Here’s where the outcome is that we’re working toward. Here’s how frequently we’re going to talk about progress. Here’s how you can reach me when you have questions. And we’ll look forward to seeing how this goes along the way.”

But if you say, “Here’s the project. I want you to work on it,” and then every couple of days you’re like, “How’s it going with this? What’s happening with this? Where are we with this?” What you’re saying to someone is, unintentionally, “I don’t trust you. I don’t believe that you have the capacity to do this on your own.” So, having that conversation up front gives clarity to all roles of people who are involved.

The other thing is, it doesn’t mean you’re letting go of everything entirely. Especially if you’re a people leader or if you’re delegating a project to an intern, you are responsible for that outcome, too. And so, that clear communication just creates more clarity for everybody who’s involved in the process, and then you can experience a different kind of pride, too, in seeing someone that you’re working with being able to achieve something and feel good about it for themselves. I think that’s really where growth comes as a leader.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, zooming out, tell me, Shanna, any other key things that make all the difference when it comes to career advancement and wisely navigating things?

Shanna Hocking
Something I often encourage people to consider is how to lead from where you are. I, fundamentally, believe that everyone is a leader. Your leadership is not about your title or your authority, it’s the energy and purpose by which you lead yourself and serve others each day. So, no matter where you are on the org chart, you have both an opportunity and a responsibility to lead in the workplace.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, any final things you want to make sure to mention before we hear about some of your favorite things?

Shanna Hocking
As you are starting on this bold move journey, as I call it, a bold move can be quiet. When you’re talking to two people like us, Pete, right? You and I make a living by being out in public and doing a lot of things to encourage others, and it might seem like, “Well, that’s great for Shanna and Pete.” So, a bold move is defined by you, and it might be quiet, right? You do not have to be extroverted in order to achieve this. You have to be committed to your own success. And I hope that that’s the encouragement to get started on this journey.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thank you. Well, now could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Shanna Hocking
“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Shanna Hocking
So, I will share with you that the research study I’m talking about most frequently recently is about your team’s collective strengths. So, the study came out last year, and what it’s showing is that when you identify individual strengths and talk about how to leverage those strengths collectively and trust each other’s strengths in the workplace, you can create a high-performing team.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Do we know how to do that or how to not do that?

Shanna Hocking
Well, I lead a workshop on how to do that, so we definitely know how to do it. It is a self-discovery conversation and also a team collective about, “What do we do well? And how do we do it well together? And then how do we apply that?” You can think about this in terms of a project. There’s probably something that you can contribute to a project right now that is going unnoticed in your workplace because maybe it’s not something you talk about frequently or it’s not related to your job title.

But if you can say to your manager, like, “Here’s a strength, a way I would like to add value to this project,” you might be able to unlock some piece of this project that’s been stuck and also your own potential.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite book?

Shanna Hocking
My very favorite book to recommend is, What Works for Women at Work by Professor Joan C. Williams. That book changed my life, and I have given it as a gift to many women that I mentor.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite tool, something you use to be awesome at your job?

Shanna Hocking
I just got trained in the Hogan Assessment in order to be able to help leaders understand themselves and their teams better. So, I’m looking forward to using that tool in order to do my work.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite habit?

Shanna Hocking
I’d say probably gratitude, right? I think it is the most approachable way for any of us to be able to celebrate who we are and where we are.

Pete Mockaitis
And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they quote it back to you often?

Shanna Hocking
When it comes to one bold move a day, people often feel inspired by the idea that you get to choose what your bold move is every day and nobody else gets to judge it.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Shanna Hocking
I’d love to connect with you on LinkedIn where I share a lot of leadership insights and, also, I send out a weekly newsletter, which you can find on my website, ShannaAHocking.com.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Shanna Hocking
Well, Pete, I think we’re going to challenge people to make their one bold move a day because it will make the world a better place, and it will help them to be the best version of themselves.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Shanna, thank you for this. And I wish you many lovely bold moves.

Shanna Hocking
Thank you, and back to you.

1018: The Step-by-Step Guide to Building the Life You Want with Ximena Vengoechea

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Ximena Vengoechea shares her viral three-phase life audit exercise for surfacing and achieving your most important goals.

You’ll Learn

  1. How to transform your life with just Post-Its and a marker
  2. How to turn fanciful wishes into actionable goals
  3. How to stay motivated while pursuing hard goals

About Ximena 

Ximena Vengoechea is a user experience researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc., the Washington Post, Newsweek, and Insider, among others. She is the author of Rest Easy and Listen Like You Mean It, and she writes a newsletter about personal growth and human behavior. She lives in New York.

Resources Mentioned

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Ximena Vengoechea Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Ximena, welcome back.

Ximena Vengoechea
Thank you so much for having me back. It’s great to be here.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, I’m excited to chat through your latest goodies. You wrote a post that really resonated with folks and you’ve now made it into a book. Tell us about this so-called life audit.

Ximena Vengoechea
So, this is a post that I wrote about a decade ago that is now a book, and basically The Life Audit is this exercise, this kind of checkpoint for you to see, “What is it that I want to of this one true beautiful life? Am I heading in that direction? What are maybe some of the deep-seated desires, wishes, goals that I am not in touch with that maybe I need to kind of resurface? What are my core values? And how do I navigate that in this lovely thing called life?”

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that sounds like, generally, a kind of a prudent practice. I mean, just to confirm, clarify, will Federal agents swoop in if I conduct a life audit?

Ximena Vengoechea
They will not be making you an appearance.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Ximena Vengoechea
Yeah, this is just for you. This is really, you know, I’m sure we’ll get into this but my background is in user research, and a lot of what that role is doing is about understanding other people, and really kind of understanding the psychology of people. What are their needs? What are their motivations? What are their perceptions, usually, with regard to understanding how to design a better product that actually fits those real human needs?

And in this case, we’re taking these same practices, but we’re turning them in on ourselves. So, this is something that is really just for you. It’s a tool to help you reconnect with yourself to uncover some of this inner wisdom and intuition, and then it is practical also to kind of help you take steps in that direction. Yeah, you are welcome to share it if you’d like, but, if not, you don’t have to share your paper with anybody.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so reconnecting with yourself and uncovering wisdom, generally, sounds like something kind of cool, kind of handy. But could you perhaps make an even stronger case for the why behind this?

If folks are thinking, “Oh, maybe, but there’s maybe a dozen journaling kinds of things I probably ‘should’ be doing, along with some mindfulness practices and gratitude, and so on and so on,” could you share perhaps your own story or the story of some of your biggest life audit fans on what kind of impact this can make?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yes. I certainly never want this to feel like a chore. So, this is something that you should pursue when the moment feels right. Usually, for most people, that’s at some kind of crossroads or life milestone. So, in my case, I had moved from the East Coast to the West Coast. I was in this phase of just great excitement, of starting this new career, meeting lots of people, had lots of hobbies, interests, things that I could be pursuing, but also felt overwhelmed by the possibility. What a beautiful place to be in but also a little bit scary.

And I remember just thinking like, “Oh, my God, like, I don’t know where to start. And is this career even right? Like, was this move even right?” Just having a lot of doubts about what came next. And for me, it was really an opportunity to kind of step back, assess, not just this moment, but, on a longer term, what it was that I wanted out of my life.

This is something that we usually don’t allow ourselves to do. So, a lot of times when we’re getting those resolutions in for the New Year or setting goals, we’re usually doing it on a much smaller timeframe, or maybe we’re not even thinking about the timeframe, and we just think, “This is a thing that I want to do.” The Life Audit is really unique in that we are looking at a much longer time frame.

So, in my case, I was starting to do user research. I had a bunch of hobbies that I sort of didn’t know what to do with them, you know, design, illustration, writing. These were things I was excited about, but I didn’t really know what to do with them. And 10 years later, “The Life Audit,” that post that I wrote after conducting my own, where I sort of learned these things about myself, went viral. That post was then picked up by Fast Company.

Fast Company then invited me to be a contributor. A literary agent saw my work in Fast Company. I am now a published author working with that agent. This is my third book and, yeah, I had some wishes around writing, writing books, like figuring out how to make a career out of that. And I think that had I not sat down and really taken the time and space to uncover that, but also just kind of sit with it and really internalize that about myself, I don’t know what would have happened.

I mean, maybe life is long, maybe you meander in that direction. But it, certainly, for me, gave me a lot of clarity and purpose and conviction around the things that I wanted to pursue. And I hear that a lot from people who have conducted their own life audits, that it’s really about crystallizing things, things that maybe you’ve buried or maybe you haven’t made space to uncover before, and providing that clarity is really just so key.

Pete Mockaitis
I love that so much. Clarity is something many of us want, crave, and in practice, it seems it’s relatively rare for us to pause from the interesting, the urgent, the impulse to check something, whether it’s the news or social media or email or whatever, but really to go deep and to go internal. So, I think that’s one huge piece right there is to just remember, “Hey, if clarity appears to be missing, perhaps what is also missing is some form of quiet introspection, reflection, be it a life audit process or there’s something different.”

Ximena Vengoechea
Yes, we don’t often make space to ask ourselves these big questions, and there are many reasons for that. Part of it are the distractions that you were talking about. Part of it is also, I think, emotional. It takes a certain amount of courage for many people to sit down with themselves, just with themselves, not with anybody else, not with their manager or a partner or a roommate, giving them advice or telling them what they should pursue.

I think we all have, by virtue of living in this society, we have societal messages, expectations that are put upon us. There’s a difference between, and I think we sometimes kind of lose this distinction, but there is a difference between pursuing things that you think you should pursue versus things that you genuinely want to pursue. And for many of us, those external messages crowd out the internal side.

And I think that’s when we can kind of, suddenly, maybe you’re in this career and you’re at the top of your field and you step back and go, “Wait, but is this it?” you know, or, “Am I happy? Do I like this? My LinkedIn resume is amazing, but is this it?” And so, I think that’s one of the main things that we’re doing, is we’re really trying to set some of that aside. It’s not to say that those voices can completely be erased, but we’re trying to recognize and acknowledge when it’s somebody else’s desire versus our own.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, that’s really handy. And so, in terms of when to do it, it sounds like often it comes with life transitions, a move, turning a milestone age of 30 or 40, new job, new partner, breakups, transitions. These sorts of things are fine prompts, and maybe the New Year or just any reason at all, like, “I just think now would be great to have some extra clarity.” So, that’s cool.

And if we don’t do something along this, we may very well find ourselves swept along into a pathway of, “Oops! Is this really what I want? Uh-oh. Where did life go? Uh-oh.” So, walk us through it then. If we’re thinking, “All right, life audit sounds great,” how do we proceed?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yes. So, it’s a very simple process. It’s deliberately lightweight. So, what I mean by that is I’m not going to ask you to get any specific equipment. You don’t have to download anything. Your tools really are quite simple. And we’re starting with sticky notes, so Post-it notes, which maybe you have at home, and Sharpies, permanent marker, which hopefully you also have at home, and if not, that’s at the office, quick Staples run, whatever. But that’s it. It’s very minimal, and that’s deliberate.

And so, what we are doing, there are sort of three phases. The first phase is really generative, and this is when we are brainstorming, essentially, and pulling up wishes. So, I usually recommend that people dedicate an hour and they aim for 100 wishes. So, you’re writing one wish per sticky note. You’re keeping it simple. So, that is why we use a Sharpie. We’re not writing long essays. We’re not writing anything that involves a comma. No, it’s usually just one or two words, a handful of words, and you’re just going to keep going until you hit that hour mark.

The hour is a guideline, just as 100 is a guideline. Some people are going to blow past that and some people won’t hit that number. That’s totally fine. This is just to get the wheels turning, but essentially like this first phase, you know, in user research, we talk about brainstorms, and whenever we talk about brainstorms, we say we’re encouraging wild and crazy ideas. There are no bad ideas. This is blue skies so you don’t want to self-edit during this stage.

And that’s another reason for using sticky notes is they are intentionally disposable. If you decide later that was a dumb idea, you don’t want it, you can just crumple it up and get rid of it. So, we’re really trying to make this less heavy because it can feel a little intense of, “Oh, my God, what am I doing with my life?” No, we want it to feel lightweight, playful. We’re just dreaming during this stage. So, that’s the generative stage.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, so we got the Post-its, we got the Sharpies, we’re dreaming and we’re putting a dream or wish on one per sticky. Could you just give us some examples? The dreams can be big or small. Like, give us a few nuggets.

Ximena Vengoechea
Sure.

Pete Mockaitis
It’s like, “I want to get good at making barbecue,” all the way to, “I want to live in Hawaii.” Like, anything there?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yeah, exactly. It could be anything from, “I want to launch a podcast someday. I don’t know when, but I want to do it,” to, “I want to write a book someday,” to, “I want to make six figures in my career,” to, “I want to be more patient.” So, it can be a little bit more abstract too. So, there’s a whole variety. And, usually, what happens when you step back and you get to the analysis phase, which we’ll talk about next, usually what happens is you do start to see that your wishes kind of fall into three buckets of, “This is something I can carry with me every day.” I think of these as core values.

So, for example, a desire to be patient, a desire to be generous, to tell your loved ones that you love them on a regular basis, like things that you just want to kind of carry with you, I would put those in the category of core values. And then you tend to also have wishes that are really about things you want to achieve or see through in the near term, let’s say, in the next 6 to 12 months.

And then you’ve got another category which is really kind of someday wishes, like, “I want to do this someday. I want to launch a podcast someday. I don’t know when, but at some point, that seems like something that I would enjoy, that I could be good at.” So that’s a whole other category of wishes.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, we’ve generated many wishes and we find they fall into some categories. And I guess if they’re Post-its, are you imagining like rearranging them on a big old wall or a giant desk or piece of furniture? Or, kind of visually how does that unfold?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yeah. So this is something else that I really like about using Post-its is you can manipulate them, and you can move them around and look for patterns. So, this is our second phase where we’re really looking to, essentially, analyze our data. So, this is something that as a user researcher you would do. You have a bunch of data about a study and then you have to make sense of it, and you need to turn the data into insights. So, it’s not just numbers or information, it’s actually telling you something useful.

So, I usually recommend that you just start by doing a simple cluster analysis, which is essentially we’re looking for wishes that are in some way related to each other, and we’re just going to group them. So, it sounds fancier than it is, but we are just looking for things that are related. So, for example, common themes that might come up, you might have a bunch of wishes around family, you might have a bunch of wishes around career, money, volunteering, travel, creative pursuits, spirituality, mental health, physical health. There’s a lot of things that could come up.

But we’re essentially going to go, “Okay, I’ve got my hundred wishes. Now I’m going to start to physically move them and put them in groups so that I get a bigger picture of what’s really happening.” Because, essentially, what we’re looking at here is a reflection of our true desires, is a reflection of today, “Who I am today, these are the things that I want.” These things can change, we evolve as people. But today, this is a snapshot, it’s sort of a self-portrait.

And so, you get to look back and go, just really quickly, see visually too, “Oh, wow, I have a ton of wishes around family. I have a lot of wishes around finance. I don’t have that many wishes around my career. Why might that be?” So, you’re kind of observing and asking yourself questions of, “How do I feel about how this is mapping out? Why might this be mapping out in this way?”

I think one of the interesting things to consider when you have your life audit is that areas that are, let’s say you have a smaller number of wishes, sometimes we think, “Wait a minute, am I not as invested, for example, in my career as I thought I was?” Maybe. But another thing could be that you are investing so much already in that area of your life that you don’t need it as a wish. It’s kind of already taken care of, right? It’s something that you are regularly doing, supporting, pursuing.

So, I always tell people, you know, the life audit, especially at this stage, it’s not a progress report. It doesn’t tell you, like check mark, like, “Here’s what I’ve done. Here’s what I haven’t done.” It’s really trying to reveal, like, “Right now, what are the things that I’m most interested in pursuing,” and to teach you something about that.

Whether it’s that there are areas that are not coming up because you are really actively embracing them already, or whether there are things that you kind of step back and go, “Wait a minute, that’s actually weird that I have so many things in this column around physical fitness because I hate exercising. Like, where did that come from?” And that’s when you kind of can ask yourself, “Is this a true wish? Is this a should wish? Like, somebody thinks I should do this. Is this really mine?” So, this is a really fun phase too because it’s all about self-discovery and learning something about yourself.

Pete Mockaitis
That is really fun. And, you’re right, when you ask those questions you might say, “Oh, no, it’s just because I was listening to some health podcasts yesterday, and that’s very top of mind.” Or, maybe you don’t have much in careers, like, “Oh, do I not care about career? Well, maybe it’s already taken care of.” Or, maybe, “Well, I’ve got two in career, and they’re hugely important to me!” So, all right, it doesn’t matter so much the quantity of pieces of paper. And when I’m looking for clusters and connections, do I need yarn, like an FBI investigation board? Or do I just let them hang?

Ximena Vengoechea
No, you do not need yarn.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Ximena Vengoechea
If that feels good to you, that would be your own unique modification. I will not stop you. But, no, usually, I suggest doing this either on a wall, a foam core board if you have one, but if not, a wall is great, or the floor is also fine, and you’re just moving things around. So, we’re keeping things flexible. We don’t need to attach anything else to it. We’re just kind of seeing where things land.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And then what’s our next step?

Ximena Vengoechea
So, from here, we’re going to start thinking about some other factors to help us understand what’s happening. So, we’re going to look at, okay, let’s say we’ve got however many wishes, we’ve grouped them into themes, we can start to prioritize. Usually, I suggest that people commit to three to five wishes a year, and that’s a guideline.

As you mentioned earlier, you might have two wishes in career, they might be huge. We need to be aware of that. You don’t want to commit to five huge wishes, but you do want to find a little bit of a balance, and that’s where knowing, “Is this a core value that I’m going to live through every day? Is this something I want to do in the next 6 to 12 months? Is this something that I need to work toward eventually, someday?” That’s where having that in mind really helps so that you’re not tackling all, let’s say, someday wishes, like huge wishes. You find a balance, but you’re really going to start to prioritize.

And prioritization can come on multiple axes. So, you might be a really rational thinker and look and say, “Okay, what do I know is achievable, either because I have the right skillset in place, I have the right resources, I have the time and money available to me, I have mentorship?” Maybe it’s geographically feasible, right? But if you’re a really logical thinker that might be a really useful way for you to prioritize.

Some people hear that, and they think, “Oh, my God, that sounds so boring. That sounds like homework.” And they might be more drawn to just intuition of, like, where is their natural heat? Like, “What am I naturally drawn to? I’m going to just follow that instinct.” Other people might also think about this more emotionally of, “What am I afraid of? Like, maybe that’s actually the entry point I want to take in. The things that are scariest to me might also be most exciting to me.”

So, there’s a lot of that you can go into it, but you want to choose whatever feels right for you. Usually, it’s a combination of those things that you might want to ask yourself some questions around before you kind of come up with that short list.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, we’ve got our short list, then what?

Ximena Vengoechea
So, at this point, you also want to start thinking about what’s feasible. So, I usually recommend that folks do a little bit of an audit of their time, “So, knowing that these are the things that I want to spend my time on, how am I spending my time today?” And I usually recommend that folks just look at an average day and make a quick list of “Here’s how I usually spend my time.”

You can think of it as like a pie chart, give yourself little percentages, maybe work takes up 50% of the time, child care or pet care or life admin, just start to chart it out, and see what is the delta between where you want to be and where you are. I think, similarly, doing a little bit of a relationship audit. So, thinking about who are the people in your life who you spend the most time with. That doesn’t necessarily mean physically, like you’re in the same room, but like these are the people you’re connecting with the most on an average day.

Usually, these people are somewhat convenient. So, maybe there’s someone you work with, or maybe they live in your building, or you have some reason that you’re seeing them a lot, versus they’re actually someone who can help me see these wishes through, who can help me see these goals through, and I don’t mean that in a transactional sense. I don’t mean, “So-and-so works in the recording industry. Like, I can talk to them about getting a foot in the door for whatever goal.” That’s not what I mean.

I mean people who are really inspiring to you, are motivating, the friend who you have a coffee catch up with and you walk away and you’re like, “Yes, like life is good. I can do anything.” Like, the people who boost you up or genuinely invested in you as a person. person, that’s what I’m talking about. I call them gems.

So, what we’re doing here is we’re kind of taking a look at, “Okay, there are some stuff that I want to do, that I want to pursue. What does my life look like now? Who is kind of supporting me? Who could support me? Where are the gaps?” because that is also going to give us information about where some tweaks might need to be made in order to support our pursuit of these goals and wishes and desires.

Pete Mockaitis
Very good. Okay, then what?

Ximena Vengoechea
At that point, you’ve got a lot of information about changes that you might want to make. That can feel both galvanizing, energizing, exciting, and daunting. Like, you might look at your lists and go, “Oh, my God, I’m not talking to anybody who I actually want to talk to,” or, like, “My schedule is not really in my control. Like, how can I shift even a little bit?”

And this is usually, I think of this as like a phase where, for example, if you’re setting a New Year’s resolution, we’re often not doing this depth of self-analysis. We’re kind of making the wish or setting the goal and forgetting about the rest, but we’re going so much deeper that now we can see some of the gaps in our own schedule, in our own lives, in our own network, however you want to put it. So, now this phase is about making sure that we don’t get dissuaded or discouraged by what we’re seeing because it’s normal to have some gaps.

If you didn’t have any gaps, you probably would have pursued those goals and wishes earlier. So, it’s normal, it is expected. And now at this point, we want to see, like, “Okay, how do I begin to chart a path forward?” And so, the third part is really all about goal-setting, and how to make these goals more manageable for yourself.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And how do we?

Ximena Vengoechea
So, I usually tell people, you know, like taking a look at those, let’s say, three to five areas. Like, how do we break those goals down into really achievable goals? So, for example, let’s say you have a wish that’s just to read more. You used to read as a kid, you don’t really read now, like you want to return to your love of reading.

Rather than go to the bookstore and buy 20 books that look awesome and put them on your bedside and go, “Okay, I’m starting tonight,” what if you got one book? And what if you committed to a paragraph a night? And then you work your way up to a chapter a night, right? Like, starting really small, so whatever that goal is, essentially how can you break it down into something really manageable? So manageable that you are virtually guaranteed to succeed because, especially in the beginning, it is important to get that momentum.

Psychologically, when you’re pursuing something new, it’s important to get these quick wins so that you go, “Okay, I can do this,” and then you can continue to make progress against that. So that’s one thing that I suggest.

Pete Mockaitis
I love that a lot. And we had B.J. Fogg on the show talking about Tiny Habits, and that really resonates in terms of in my own life and the results that he’s seeing, in general, it feels good to win and to be able to celebrate something. And it is worth celebrating something new, even if it’s super tiny. And he uses the example of when a child takes his or her first steps, no one says, “Okay, yeah, whatever, you only made it like six inches, dude.” It’s like, no, no, it’s beautiful and wondrous and worthy of celebration.

And so too is it if, “Hey, if we want to read more,” we’ve kind of had that as a hidden desire for years, and then we finally buy book and read a paragraph, that is worth celebrating. That’s something. Go from zero to one there.

Ximena Vengoechea
Absolutely, yeah. We’re making progress. It can feel really small, but that’s what we’re doing, is we’re making progress. The other thing that I recommend is to think about having some kind of accountability partner because it is totally natural, when you are pursuing something new, that things will get hard. Your schedule will be difficult, someone will get sick, like, things will get thrown off, you’ll forget. There are just a number of things that get in our way, as anyone who’s either tried to start a new habit or to stop a bad habit from forming. Lots of uncontrollable factors.

One thing you can do, though, is to have an accountability partner. So, let’s say you have something like, you know, there’s that yoga studio in your neighborhood that you pass by all the time, kind of wistfully looking at, like, “That could be me. Like, maybe someday,” and you’ve decided, “No, I’m actually going to get serious about exercise, and that is where I’m going to start.” Maybe, you find a friend who will go with you to this yoga class. Maybe you guys sign up to do this on a weekly basis. It is much easier to cancel on ourselves than it is to cancel on someone else.

So, when we have somebody else who is waiting for us, excited to see us, there’s just more accountability built in, and we are less likely to bail even if it’s really freezing out and we’d rather not put on our heavy down jacket and head out into the cold to the studio. Having somebody there on the other side really helps encourage us to keep going.

Pete Mockaitis
I dig it. Having been through this and seen other people go through it, have you observed any patterns in terms of ideal mindsets and not-so-ideal mindsets, in terms of the headspace or approach that we take while working these steps? Any do’s or don’ts come to mind there?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yes. I would say that you’ll have more success if you come into this with an open mind and self-compassion, the ability to give yourself some grace for when things are difficult. If you come into it with this mindset of “Everything should be perfect. Why am I already failing? Why haven’t I done all these things in my life audit? I’ve wasted my life. Like, now I’m behind and I have to really like catch up,” that’s a lot of pressure. That’s a lot of, like, emotional pressure to put on yourself. And that means that anytime there’s any kind of setback, with that mindset it’s going to be a lot harder to overcome those setbacks.

So, really, if you can do the opposite, if you can bring a spirit of openness, of curiosity, of, “Why haven’t I pursued that? Oh, that’s interesting. What might have been in the way at the time? Okay, what has changed in my life that maybe now is the right time to pursue this? Why is this getting harder? Maybe I need somebody else in my life supporting me, or maybe there’s a set of skills that I realize I don’t have in order to pursue this.”

But, really, coming in with openness, with curiosity, and a spirit of adventure, of like, “Okay, we’re going to try this, and we’re going to learn some things along the way, and not everything is going to work out, and that’s okay, because we’re trying, and we are still making progress toward living a life that is more aligned with our values,” I think that can be so much more productive and fruitful, and, frankly, more fun. And when things are more fun, we tend to stick with them.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. Well, Ximena, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we hear about some of your favorite things?

Ximena Vengoechea
I think just thinking about this as really an opportunity to get to know yourself and to carve out some time for yourself, again, I think we don’t really have many nudges to do this, so if you’ve been on the fence about, you know, or feeling a little bit off, then I would say just like consider this your nudge to dive deep and go for some self-discovery.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Now, could you share a favorite study, or experiment, or bit of research?

Ximena Vengoechea
I’m always interested having my career in user research. One of the things that always comes up is how often participants have a desire to please you as a researcher, right? It’s like you show them study, you show them something, a prototype, a concept, and there’s such a strong…

Pete Mockaitis
“Oh, it’s really good.”

Ximena Vengoechea
Yeah, and you’re like, “No, this is broken. Like, I know it’s broken. It’s broken in all these ways. It is deeply flawed.” So, that always interests me, like this idea that even with a perfect stranger, there’s a pressure to perform. There’s a pressure to please in some way.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah. And a favorite book?

Ximena Vengoechea
I just read this book by Natalie Sue, I Hope This Finds You Well, and it is a very funny office workplace novel. It perfectly captures office politics at its finest. It’s very funny. If you work in any kind of corporate setting, in particular, I think you will find it funny and a great main character.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite tool?

Ximena Vengoechea
Sharpies, Post-its, and I love a good notebook, like a Moleskine notebook.

Pete Mockaitis
Is Moleskine your preferred brand?

Ximena Vengoechea
I like them, and then there’s also a German brand which I don’t know how to pronounce. I think it’s Leuchtturm. I’m sure that is not the correct pronunciation. But, yeah, both of those brands, I like.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite habit?

Ximena Vengoechea
Breaking things down into smaller chunks, but, really, I didn’t mention earlier the fresh start effect. Like, I love that for habits when you start on the first day of the year, or the first day of a new season, or having moved. That’s all, there’s a lot of research around how you can use a fresh start to make habit-building more effective.

Pete Mockaitis
And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they quote it back to you often?

Ximena Vengoechea
People really seem to connect with the idea of the life audit as a kind of spring cleaning for the soul, is the phrase that I use, and that’s something that comes up in a lot of conversations of, like, “Yes, that is exactly what this is.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Ximena Vengoechea
Yeah, so a great place to start is my website, which is XimenaVengoechea.com, and that is kind of a hub for all ways to connect with me, whether that’s social media or my newsletter, and beyond.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Ximena Vengoechea
I think just checking in with that little voice, you know? I think just making space for it and not ignoring it. I think that’s really the main one.

Pete Mockaitis
Ximena, thanks. This was a lot of fun.

Ximena Vengoechea
Thank you so much. This is great.

1016: Untangling Identity from Your Work to Rediscover Yourself with Dr. Janna Koretz

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Dr. Janna Koretz reveals the pitfalls of letting your job become your identity and what to do about it.

You’ll Learn

  1. Why career enmeshment harms mental health
  2. The power of protected thinking time
  3. The root cause of workaholism–and how to cure it

About Janna 

Dr. Janna Koretz is the founder of Azimuth, a therapy practice specializing in the mental health challenges of individuals in high-pressure careers. She has spent over a decade helping her clients face and overcome their mental health issues by developing a unique understanding of industry-specific nuances in fields like law, consulting, finance, and technology. 

Dr. Koretz has been featured in many publications, including Harvard Business Review and the Wall Street Journal, focusing on the importance of recognizing career/identity enmeshment. She also writes and speaks on the challenges of discovering and living your personal values. 

In addition to therapy, Azimuth provides a set of free online tools that have helped tens of thousands of people, including the Burnout Calculator, Career Enmeshment Test, and Values Navigator. The practice is also developing a values-based journaling iOS app, set to launch later this year, based on the popularity of its Values Navigator tool.

Resources Mentioned

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Dr. Janna Koretz Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Dr. Koretz, welcome.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Thank you. So happy to be here.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m excited to be discussing these very important matters. And I’d love it if you could kick us off with a particularly surprising or novel discovery you’ve made about us folks and high-pressure careers and mental health things. What’s something you know that many of us don’t?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Wow, there’s so many to choose from. Well, I think a lot of people on a smaller level don’t realize how capable they are, and how resilient they are, and how much they’re doing despite all of the struggles that they have. I think people really feel the loss. They feel the pain of their emotional burdens. They feel the stress of work. They feel the burnout, but they don’t see it in the background, like, the rest of it, and all the things that they’re doing despite that. They’re only feeling sort of the loss. I think that’s also really important to keep in mind for everybody, is there’s so much and so many strengths and so much to be to be offered.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, tell us, how capable are we?

Dr. Janna Koretz
You guys are so capable. I mean, it’s unbelievable, really, and I mean, I think a lot of people who are in high-pressure careers are high achievers and they sort of assume that everyone can do what they’re doing and everyone is doing it better, and they need to strive to be better and the best, and give more but they don’t see how much they’ve already done.

Most people can’t do, with the clients that we see, most people can’t do a lot of that. It takes a lot, a lot of mental effort, a lot of smarts, a lot of emotional energy. So, you’re very capable, from what we see. Most capable.

Pete Mockaitis
You know, it’s funny, what you’re saying sounds very true, and it also sounds very easy to dismiss and to shoo away, and instead of allowing to truly sink in and allow the good mental health vibes that it can deliver to us be delivered. Is that fair to say? How do people respond when you share this truth with them?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Oh, absolutely, that’s true. It’s so dismissed. It can be so easily dismissed, partly because people, A, are not used to receiving compliments, because the way in which our culture works now is we’re always looking for what’s wrong, and no one’s saying, “Great job,” or things like that, especially in the workplace, especially in a fast-paced workplace, so I think that’s part of it.

And I think that people often feel awkward about that because it’s so dissonant to what they believe that they kind of brush it off because it just doesn’t really serve them in the moment, when, really, it serves them in the long term.

Pete Mockaitis
So, if we do want to sort of brush that aside, like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, sure. You know, yeah, I guess I got some good grades, and I got some lucky breaks, and, yeah, I guess it worked out, so, okay. I’m here. And, yeah, okay, fair enough. I guess maybe, statistically, you know, the majority of people couldn’t. exactly pull off what I’ve pulled off, so fair enough. But, I mean, you know what, there’s millions of people just like me, so like, is it really that special?”

Dr. Janna Koretz
Are you really that special? Interesting question. Well, think about it this way, so it’s not really about being special. It’s about having a great capability and applying that in a way that’s useful to you. And so, a lot of people have kind of gone through life and checked all the boxes, that whatever they’re supposed to do, the expectations they were supposed to meet, they’re kind of on this treadmill and they’re not necessarily thinking about it, but that’s a lot of effort and a lot of work.

And so, if you find yourself in a place where you’re burnt out, yes, you need to get away from the burnout to have access to those resources, but these people are very capable. You’re a very capable person. If you use that energy and direct it towards what’s helpful to you and figure out what that is, then that’s the dream, right?

And I had a client once who was like, “You know, my boyfriend says it’s kind of, like, people who do, like, these complicated scams, right? It’s like these really complicated scams, and if only they could apply that to curing cancer, wouldn’t that be cool?” You know, like that’s so much effort and it’s smart in some ways, right?” They’re getting around all these things, they’re using AI, I mean, just not for good, but if you could harness that and apply it somewhere else, that would be pretty great.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah. So, when you say the power, you mean our own capability to dream, to imagine, to figure out, to come to believe things, is that what you mean by the capabilities and the scams?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I mean, partly. I mean, certainly the internal piece, but also just the work, the actual energy, and the mental effort, and the multitasking that people do on a daily basis, I mean, just the inside and the output too, is a lot, and it could be directed in a lot of different ways.

Pete Mockaitis
I suppose what I’m really driving at is, if it is a master key to understand and believe that we have vast capabilities, and it feels like it is, is that your assertion as well?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I think it’s an important thing to acknowledge for a lot of reasons, yes.

Pete Mockaitis
So, if that’s one key factor, but we’re quick to brush it off and to not allow it to sink in and enrich us, do you have any pro tips on how we can get there? Because what I’m thinking about is, if I truly believe, in deep down in my heart of hearts, that I have vast stores of capability, not that I’m sort of omniscient or the most brilliant person who ever lived, but vast stores of capability, then it would seem like it would naturally follow that a sense of peace could emerge, and think, “Hey, you know what, wow, yeah, there’s a lot of challenges out there, but they are ultimately figure-out-able because I’m pretty good at figuring things out and handling the things that life throws my way.”

So, that seems to me very, very powerful to have that as an interior, internal mental health asset. But if we shoo it away, we don’t have it, and that’s sad. How can we get it?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, the first question I always ask is, “Why? Why can’t you access that? Why don’t you believe that? What is hard about that?” And that’s the whole, you know, we do spend a lot of time in therapy doing that, so that’s not a simple question.

But also, I mean, a lot of people’s inability to  appreciate, and believe in themselves and their capabilities is because they don’t have a grounded sense of who they are, and they don’t have a grounded sense of their identity anymore, or their identity is like wrapped up in one thing, work, motherhood, something like that, and people lose themselves so that they don’t feel steady in saying, “Yeah, I do have these abilities and capabilities because I just don’t feel like I do those things anymore. Or I just do them ad nauseam so it just feels like everybody has them.” So, I think a lot of it has to do with really finding your identity again and really knowing who you are.

Pete Mockaitis
Working with a lot of folks in high-pressure careers, what are some of the themes or patterns you see over and over and over again with regard to their mental health that we should be clued into and aware of?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, I think career enmeshment for our people is huge, which is just their whole identity is wrapped up in their career. And so, inevitably, when something happens at work, like they don’t miss a promotion, their company gets acquired, they get laid off and things like that, they don’t have any part of themselves to fall back on, and you’re made very uncomfortable by that because it brings up a lot of existential questions, like, “Who am I? What was the point of that? What am I even doing here?” And people can get really upset about that and kind of fall into more of an anxiety, have a lot of anxiety, depression, start using substances and things like that. That’s a really big one.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, our identity is wrapped up in our career. I’m reminded of a couple of things here. One is, personally, I remember once, I, in fact, got a mediocre review, mediocre-to-bad, at work, and I was so surprised and stunned and puzzled. And I remember, I actually said out loud “This doesn’t feel like who I am.” And I later reflected, I was like, “What an interesting reaction because, of course, it’s not who I am! It was one review.”

Dr. Janna Koretz
That’s what I mean, yes.

Pete Mockaitis
One review. But there it is, and then I’m also thinking about, I think it was Ronda Rousey, the fighter, was interviewed, and she was very emotional and powerful. She was crying because she lost a huge match or championship, and she said something like, “If I’m not a champion then who am I?” And I was like, “Oh, man, Ronda, I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down there from that experience I had previously.” So, that’s kind of what it sounds like what career enmeshment might look, sound, feel like, these kinds of reactions to normal career hiccups and setbacks that happen to us all.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Yeah, I mean, she said it perfectly. And I think it can apply to other things, too. Like, one metaphor we use a lot, is, for parents, in general, but there’s a lot of talk about motherhood and loss of identity because you’re all consumed into this one thing. And that can be applied, being enmeshed in anything or with anyone is totally possible.

So, it happens a lot in the workplace, and we see it a lot too with our clients who used to be athletes and they spent a really long time, like all of their time really perfecting their craft, getting really good, maybe they’ve made it, you know, they’re doing Olympic trials, they’re doing all sorts of stuff, and then they get injured. And then what, right? Sounds of like Ronda was saying, “Then what? What do I have? Who am I?”

And what we see a lot, too, is because people have spent coming up so much time with that from an early age, sports is a great example, but it could be anything. You spend a lot of time through your childhood playing, I always use soccer as an example, but it could be anything, that you’re missing out on critical developmental periods where you’re supposed to be doing other things, like learning social skills with friends, like the nuances of social skills, or taking small risks to learn about your independence and confidence, learning how to make choices, things like that.

And so, because you’re siloed into this one thing in a very sort of constructed environment with rules, and so within that context, people can get creative and learn those things but the world is a much bigger place. So, then you find yourself in a place where you don’t have that anymore, and you don’t feel prepared or equipped to navigate what’s in front of you because you haven’t had the practice that a lot of people have had to figure that out. And that sort of adds on to the burden of, like, “Who am I? What am I doing?” because it makes people flounder a little bit.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. So, if some folks are nodding their heads, like, “Oh, my gosh, yes, that’s me,” what do we do about it?

Dr. Janna Koretz
What a big question. I love coming on podcasts because people ask these big questions and they’re so complicated, but we start out a lot of times working with doing values-based work, like what is actually important to you, because, oftentimes, we don’t live in a culture that promotes that. I mean, certainly, when I grew up nobody asked me what was important to me. I was just expected by my family and the culture that I was in to do certain things and be certain ways and achieve certain stuff. And I did it because I didn’t think much about it.

And then as I got older and life happens to you and stuff, whatever, you just get wiser with age, I started to realize that what I was doing wasn’t actually what would make me happy. And what does make me happy? And it took me a long time to figure that out, and that’s what we do a lot with our clients, “What is it that makes you happy? How far are you from that? And how do you start to incrementally get to that place or add that into your life?”

Because, I mean, most people, right, can’t just quit their job, or they can’t just move to wherever. I think there’s this idea of, you know, one of the exercises we do is, without any constraints, what would your life look like? And people have, like, things that are very far often from what they are, where they are, and they think they just have to go to that place, but, really, that’s not reality. Reality is still important, too.

But we can slowly start to figure out how to turn in that direction, how to enter into that lane, and if we can get there, great, but what if we could get 70% there? That’s still much better than 0%. So, it’s kind of, like, working in that gray area. But I think values-based work is the crux of so many things.

Pete Mockaitis
That makes sense. When you say values work, I’m thinking we had Dr. Steven Hayes on the show.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Yes. Yes.

Pete Mockaitis
And, in his book, the phrase “values work” comes up many a time. So, when you say values-based work or values work, what does that mean and how does one do it?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, I have to give a plug for him because he is the nicest person of all time.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, my gosh, yes.

Dr. Janna Koretz
And his work is incredible, and what he spent his life doing is incredible for all of the ACT workbooks and the books that come with that. I mean, it’s really changed the face of therapy, and he is just a delightful person. So, we talk about him a lot and I do send people to some of his literature and his workbooks because they’re so accessible and they’re so true, of sitting down and doing those exercises. I mean, that would be a more formal way of how we would start that.

You can just put some of the sort of self-reflecting questions we can talk about, like the ones I just talked about, “What would your life look like without this? Who do I admire? Why do I admire them? What about that makes me want to be that way?” There are a lot of like sorts of questions you can ask yourself that start to help people think about things in that way, or you can do more formalized values-based work through ACT, which I recommend to people all the time. I love it. I think it’s great.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, those are great questions. And can you lay a few more of those on us?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Okay, let’s see. What do you admire? What would you do if someone gave you $40 million? How would you spend it?

Pete Mockaitis
I love the specific figure there.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, it has to be so big that, whatever.

Pete Mockaitis
It’s not billions. It’s not one million. It’s ample. It’s not yacht money, but, well, it could be, I guess. But it’s like retirement plus, plus, money.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Right. Right. Because, like, billions, it’s like then you’re going to space and that’s not the sphere that we’re talking about. We’re going to bring it down a little bit, but there can’t be any restraint. So, that’s one we do a lot. I also like to talk about, like, “Who are your favorite people to spend time with?” And another one we talk a lot about is “If you could spend more time with your family, why or why would you not do that?” And so, those are some other questions to kind of start thinking about “What is important? And what do I value? And how do I want to go about that, like incorporating that into my life?”

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And we’ve had some guests who talk a little bit about values as sort of a thing almost to be discovered and codified, like joy and discovery. And so, that’s one way we could think about values. Or do you have a recommendation on a codification or documentation or ratification or a writing it down official thing associated with the outcome of this values exploration?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I love that you asked that because it’s so relevant to a project that I’ve been working on. So, on our website, we sort of changed Shalom Schwartz’s values navigator a little bit to fit our clientele a little bit more, but his work is really great, and that kind of goes through, it’s just a little quiz. It’s actually one of the most popular pages on our website. People, thousands of people do it a day, so I think, I think there is something in there that people really feel connected to, and that kind of puts you into some categories.

And what we are doing actually is we are coming, it’s all beta, public beta should be out in a couple of weeks, but private beta is being sorted now. It’s a values-based journaling app called Clearly, and that is a way in which we have people, like, journal and see how in line they are with their values. And we also are incorporating prompts from various people, like myself or other experts in various industries, to kind of help people prompt them to write more about how that works and what it’s going to look like, and, “Are they living in alignment? Why are we not?” So, it’s going to be pretty neat.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. All right. So, there are some assessments to be taken, and that’s handy. Thank you. And some journaling, and all of these is sort of, let’s see, how do I say this? Is there an end point, or is it continuous? And how do we know we’re starting to reap the benefits or rewards of the values work?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I think you know when you know because you feel grounded and you feel happy. And I think that’s another thing to think about, too, and part of this conversation is “What is happiness? What does that look like? What is the expectation of happiness look like?” Because it’s not eradicating negativity or negative feelings or anything like that, or negative events. I mean, that’s impossible.

But it’s how to manage that in a way that brings the most joy to your life and living well with all these other things that are happening to you, or with you, or things like that. So, that’s what I would say about that, I guess. Does that answer the question?

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s a great perspective. Happiness is not eradicating all unpleasant experience. And, boy, if you make that your goal, it’s going to be a bummer.

Dr. Janna Koretz
It’s way more attainable. It’s way more attainable to know that you can’t figure out how to live, like, most of the time, pretty well with all this heavy stuff around you because that’s just what being an adult is. I’ve come to learn myself, you know, that’s just what it is.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, maybe, could you share with us, perhaps, a story or two of transformation, so we can get a picture of, “Okay, I’m experiencing a career enmeshment, I have not yet done the values work, and then I do the values work, and this is what it looked like, and this is what I discovered and how I live differently”? And then what’s the sort of the happy, the before-after profiles?

Dr. Janna Koretz
So, I mean, I think running a business and being a psychologist lays the groundwork for being enmeshed in your career and kind of being on a treadmill that you know why you’re there, but it’s so easy to get caught in the weeds, like anything else that you’re intensely into. And doing what is needed to complete tasks and to achieve whatever the goal is, you have to check off some boxes, you have to jump through hoops, you have to do all these things, right, and you do become secondary.

What you want becomes secondary because you’re working on these projects that are bigger than you are. Or for a business, right, it’s like now other people rely on you to pay for stuff and support their family, right? It’s, like, that’s a really big responsibility. And, over time, even though I knew that’s what I loved, I love all of that, I love to help people, I love to run the business, I love all of that, I felt so negative to me.

I think probably, like, eight years in, I was just feeling maybe a little burnt out, but just like the joy of it had sort of passed by, and I just really wasn’t sure. It was a little confusing, to be honest. And it’s funny because we do all this work with other people, but all therapists have their own therapist because you cannot do the work by yourself. It’s impossible.

And so, through my own therapy, kind of figuring out that the things that it wasn’t that I didn’t like what I was doing anymore, it’s just that I didn’t have the other things that I was missing from previous parts of my life. So, it’s not that I didn’t want to be a psychologist anymore, I didn’t like running the business because I did. It’s just I couldn’t only do that and be a happy person. That’s just for me, that was not something that went together.

So, then, figuring out what it is that you can realistically add back in is tricky because, at the, time I had a full caseload of clients and I was running a business. Like, when exactly was I supposed to strap on my shoes and go for a run, things like that? But time can be made, and this is a strategy I tell people to do all the time, is I kind of went back to people that I had known for a long time ago and just reconnected with them.

I didn’t necessarily tell them about what was going on with me or anything, but I remember, at the time, telling my husband, “I used to be funny. I used to be a really funny person. Who remembers me when I was funny?” And kind of going back in time, and those people you’ve known from before remember those parts of you vividly, and they kind of bring that out for you, and so then you can start to remember, “Oh yeah, this does feel like me. This is kind of where I’m at.”

And it took a long time in doing that and feeling uncomfortable because I was leaving unanswered emails on my computer at 6:45 at night so I could go to the gym or something occasionally or something like that. I feel like I built out, by doing more, like, a more diverse activities and having more things in my life, I actually enjoyed all of my life more, and I really got back into the flow of the business and feeling really good about it, and things like that.

So, that’s not like a dramatic transformation in that I didn’t go from being like a sailor to running McKinsey or something like that. But I think this is the kind of transformation our clients experiences. They’re not necessarily going to quit their job and go to the Bahamas and start an ice cream shop. That’s not really even the point.

But it’s to realize what you’re missing and become whole again as a person and with your identity, and that’s what brings people joy, is like feeling good about incorporating those different pieces in.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And so then, could you share a little bit of some of the questions or exercises or things you did that unearthed some of these insights, like, “Hey, I used to be funny. What happened to that?” or, “Oh, shucks, I’m not exercising nearly enough as to feel great”?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I think part of what I learned, too, about myself, and I think this is true for our clients also, is there’s not really a time to sit and think, period. Like, just end stop, right? It’s like, we’re kind of always driving, we’re doing laundry, we’re just doing too many things at once. And I always found that when I just did “nothing,” and was thinking, that’s actually when my best ideas would come about work or other things in my life.

But it just feels really silly to do it because you’re basically just staring into space. It doesn’t feel like it’s something that you’re allowed to do. So, yeah, I mean, honestly, right? So, I was prescribed by my own therapist to sit around and just stare into space and think about stuff, and that’s what I did. And it was so uncomfortable in the moment. Like, I hated it so much because, first, all I could do, it’s like when people start to learn to meditate, right? So, all they can think about is their laundry list of things that they’re not doing.

But over time, I got pretty good at thinking, just thinking, and using that time to figure out those bigger questions and asking myself, “Oh, I thought about that. I wonder why that happened.” I kind of had my own stream of consciousness that kind of led me there. So, I think protected thinking time is super important. It’s not like a shiny piece of advice but it’s a good one.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I think it’s actually fairly shiny, if I may be so bold. I’ve heard a thousand-ish guests share many nuggets. And what I love about that is it’s the distinction you drew between the thinking we’re doing, it’s even better than thinking while driving and thinking while doing the laundry. It’s completely uninterrupted.

And that’s rather, well, it sounds delightful to me, because a lot of times I think, I read these studies on, “Oh, meditation is so beneficial. I should do the meditation.” It’s like, “Okay, I guess I’ll do that because I’m supposed to because of all the rewards and the optimal benefits versus costs dah, dah, dah, dah.” And sometimes it just really hits the spot and it’s great.

But other times, it’s like, “Well, no. What I really want to do is think about anything and everything and wherever,” and, in a way, it’s like there’s a little bit of a stressor in that there’s always something happening, even if it’s low level, like taking a shower or driving. There’s always sort of something occurring.

And so, having protected thinking time is a fundamentally different practice than a mindfulness meditation, return to the breath, but it is restored. I guess there’s like a Venn diagram overlap. It has some restorative goodness the way that does, and yet it’s a distinct activity.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Yes, I would agree with that. And even now I try to do that. I go into Boston, into the office, at least once a week, which is a little bit far from where I live. And I do take the train now because the walk from the train station to my office is about a half hour, and I feel bad. My dog is the therapy dog for our office and I often bring her to the office, but there are days where I don’t, and my husband’s always like, “What? Just bring the dog. Like, she’s just there. She’s a great companion.”

I’m like, “I can’t have to think about anything else during that time, or anybody else. Like, she’s going to stop, and people are going to pet her, she’s going to go to the bathroom, all this. I don’t want to listen to a podcast. I just want to be sort of, like, by myself and not have to answer to anybody, sort of.” And I love the dog and I bring her all the time but there are just some days where I feel like I know that I need that protected time, and so I don’t bring her, which makes her a little sad, which then makes me a little sad, so then we don’t do it that often but that’s how I kind of do that because anything feels like a huge interruption to me during that time now.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, for you, personally, how long are these sessions here?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, that walk is a half hour, there and back, so that’s an hour in one day, but then I won’t do it for a couple of weeks. So, Thursday or Friday is a crazy day, and then I can find some time on Saturday. So, I kind of fit it in where I can, and there are just some days where I know that it’s going to be stressful to try to find that time so I don’t do it on those days necessarily. But probably every other day, every three days, for at least like cumulatively, maybe an hour.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s cool. And I’m also thinking about, is it Bill Gates, famously, just had his think weeks, where, I don’t know if it’s annually or so, he just disappears with a bunch of books and Diet Cokes into a cabin somewhere.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Yeah, he’s got like a house on an island, doesn’t he?

Pete Mockaitis
And then he’s just thinking. And so, that seemed to work out pretty well for him, and it’s working out pretty well for you. So, tell us, what sorts of, it sounds like you don’t even have an agenda by design?

Dr. Janna Koretz
No, no agenda. Can’t have an agenda.

Pete Mockaitis
No questions to be thought of. Just rolling.

Dr. Janna Koretz
I mean, every so often, like, I will think about one thing and use that time to do that, but mostly it’s just wherever the wind blows, that’s where we go. And it’s always very helpful, like I always get something out of it at the end.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have like a notebook with you?

Dr. Janna Koretz
No.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Sometimes I’ll write down the idea. Well, that’s the thing, too. I mean, not everyone operates the same. Some people might have like a recorder or like record stuff on their phone or they might take notes after or have a journal while they’re doing it. Occasionally, I’ll write something down if it’s really important, and, I don’t know, I feel like I have to write it down, but most of the time I remember those things because they kind of come to me in this aha moment, and I just don’t forget them.

Pete Mockaitis
And what I also love about that is, sometimes, I think and then I’m so excited by the thing I thought about I want to go immediately explore it, it’s like, “Ooh, let’s go see if that already exists, if that’s available, and if I could go buy it or whatever.” It’s like, “Oh, well, maybe I’ll just write that down and continue the thinking.”

Dr. Janna Koretz
Or, if you’re excited by it, then I usually write it down because, inevitably, my time is up or I’ve gotten to the office and I have other things to do. But, yeah, I mean, it’s good to come back to that stuff too.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so this is fun. Thank you for indulging me with that deep dive. Let’s hear a little bit about stress in the midst of high-pressure careers. What are your top pro tips, do’s and don’ts to deal with that?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Well, my advice is never, I guess shiny is a good word, but I think people always want like this really great advice they never heard of before. And I have a little bit of that because I think we all know what we’re supposed to be doing. And this is kind of what happens to a lot of our clients when they come to our office. A lot of them have been to therapy before, and they go there and the therapist says, “Well, you need to work less. You need to eat more vegetables. You got to sleep more,” all the things.

They already know that, but they can’t do it because of all the reasons. And so, it feels a little invalidating, “If that’s the way you’re supposed to manage stress then, and I can’t do that logistically then, therefore I cannot manage stress, then my situation is hopeless.” And not to say that other therapists are bad or anything. These are all things that we’re telling people are important, but if you’re in a high-pressure career, there’s a lot of nuances that just don’t allow for the same kinds of flexibility that some other people might have.

There are deadlines, there are clients, there are acquisitions, there’s all these things. People are raising money, they have investors that they’re answering to and all of that. So, do I think sleeping more is important? Yes. Do I wish I could sleep more? Yes. Do I think everyone should sleep more? Absolutely. But I know that getting an extra hour of sleep for people is like a really big ask.

So, I think if you can think about those, like, common things that we all know about, you know, sleep, eating, stuff like that, exercise, I think being creative is actually the way to go about it, and think about creative ways to implement those things, and not sort of the prescribed way in which everybody seems to be doing it. The example I always give is like a lot of our clients when they start exercising again, they sign up for like a triathlon or a marathon or something like that because that feels like the right thing to do for them.

But that’s not a sustainable choice most of the time. Occasionally, it is, but most of the time it’s not. And if you can get creative and be okay with something that doesn’t fit into sort of the box or what you expected exercise should be looking like, then that’s actually where the success comes from. And there are these small sorts of incremental changes of adding those things in, are all fine and all really important.

And they help with, like, a mindset shift, because a lot of times, like the initiation is the hard part, and like showing yourself that you can do things differently is the hard part because, especially if people have been in like the same kind of routine for a while, like starting to cook, like that’s really awkward. It’s really hard to start to do that.

And so, being sort of expecting that and knowing that’s part of the process of being okay with that is important. And I think it’s kind of interesting, too, because people, like all of us, we’re always looking to sort of optimize, and so we’re trying to look like, “What is the eating plan? What is a good exercise thing so I can lift and gain muscle and be strong and all these things?” But, oftentimes, we make them really complicated. And it doesn’t have to be that complicated and it doesn’t have to be that prescribed.

If your goal is to eat more home-cooked meals and you cook once a week on a Saturday, like that’s great. You’ve done it now. It doesn’t have to be that now you’re scratch cooking and meal prepping all week on a Sunday, and spending your whole Sunday doing that. So, that’s kind of like the first section of advice I give people, is kind of reorienting them to what’s possible in those kinds of common domains that we know about, and also to get creative about it.

There are all sorts of interesting ways to incorporate those things. I mean, maybe not sleep because then you’re just asleep. I mean, you can put in naps and stuff like that but, I mean, there’s like a thousand different ways to exercise, and a lot of them can be done in your house without any equipment. And so, just kind of figuring out what that looks like, I think, is important. So, that’s where we start usually. I don’t know if that answers the question, but that’s a strong place to start.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, yeah. Well, I think it’s handy in terms of, I think, that’s like a top don’t with regard to stress management, is don’t just look at the moon and stars, like the utmost perfect exercise plan, the perfect amount of sleep, “Oh, yes, I should be sleeping seven to nine hours every night in complete darkness and silence, dah, dah, dah, with a bed that’s dynamically adjusting its temperature for me.” They haven’t sponsored the show yet. I mean, we’ll see.

But, okay, “Well, that’s beyond my reach, so just forget it all, you know.” Rather, it’s like, “Okay, well, what is creative? What is realistic? And what’s fine?” in terms of exercise or give you some more sleep, whatever, that’s really nifty. So, then it sounds like, with regard to the shiny advice, you don’t have a one weird trick to instantly calm down, but rather, “Hey, just do the little stress-relieving things we all know about in reasonable approachable proportions.”

Dr. Janna Koretz
Yes, I think a lot of that ties back into sort of black-and-white thinking. You’re right, it’s like, “It has to be all of it or none of it,” and like, we’re all kind of predisposed to that for various reasons. But the gray is fine, like good enough is excellent. And if you’re just looking to change your behavior, to make new habits, and also gain those advantages from doing all that stuff, it doesn’t have to be wild times. So, yeah, don’t do the big things. And also, if you’re looking to calm down, don’t tell people to calm down. That’s another don’t, right? Don’t do that.

Pete Mockaitis
Super. And if we find ourselves in the workaholic mode, what are your tips there?

If we are in a zone where it’s like, “I have to do this,” or, “I just am having so much fun, you know, work, work, working away for 13-plus hours a day.” I imagine this comes up frequently with your folks in high-pressure careers. How do you advise them?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I think you have to think about what motivates you in life and what makes you happy, right? It comes back to the value stuff again a little bit, where there are people who work all the time and they’re happy, and that’s fine. You know what I mean? Like, think about like a lot of physicians spend a lot of time at the hospital, and, I mean, they don’t love their 36 hours on call, but they enjoy their job and they’re not going to necessarily quit their job because they really like what they do.

I know a lot of people do like coding. They get into the zone, they’re coding with their headphones on and then, somehow, like eight hours passes. But that’s what makes them happy, they like to build stuff, they like to be creative. So, keep in mind too, like it’s not always bad to have a couple days or kind of like a job where you’re working all the time. It’s when it gets in your way and when it causes you distress and then you have to sit and figure out what it is, why that is, like, “What makes you happy? What doesn’t make you happy? How do you want to spend your time? What is motivating to you?”

Because a lot of times when you ask those questions, it starts out being really obvious, “Well, I’m motivated because I want to do a good job.” “Why do you want to do a good job?” “Because I want to make money.” “Okay, why do you want to make money?” “Because I want to be able to buy all this stuff.” “Okay, why do you want to buy all this stuff?” And you keep going through all those lines of questioning.

It usually comes down to something like, because anxiety or fear-based, “Because I didn’t have money growing up, because I’m afraid I won’t have it. I’m afraid if I don’t make it now, I won’t have it later. I have a family to support. I want to support my parents as they age,” and things like that. Or, people don’t really have a good answer for that, and that’s important, too, to know if you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, then that’s a whole other conversation.

So, the line of inquiry is also incredibly important to kind of figure out what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it and why you’re working so much.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, now could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I have to tell you, in general, I’m not a quotes person.

But I will share a piece of advice that’s kind of a quote that I do like and I follow, which is, one of my supervisors a long time ago, I was working in a long-term adolescent in-patient unit, it was a state hospital, and there’s like just a lot of chaos that comes with that in terms of even just the systems issues.

And I was complaining one day about, like, “Well, if it’s that, the answer’s so obvious. Why are they doing it this way, the administration, this, that, and the other?” And she was like, “Janna, you got to play by the rules to change the rules.” And I was like, “Ah, yeah.” Like, I’m not in a position right now to change the rules, but I could be one day if I play by the rules and check the boxes and get to the place where I need to be to make the change. I thought that was kind of like an interesting way of thinking about things.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite study, or experiment, or bit of research?

Dr. Janna Koretz
It’s a controversial thing now, but I did like the Stanford Prison Experiment a lot, not because I think it was a great idea, but I think it really showed dynamics around people and pressure and power that I think are really important that we should be talking about and thinking more about.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite book?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Maybe controversial to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, I love The Coddling of the American Mind.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, yeah, Jonathan Haidt. All right. And a favorite tool?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Boundary-setting.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And a favorite habit?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Waking up before everybody does.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they quote it back to you often?

Dr. Janna Koretz
I think what maybe I might be known for is asking why maybe a little too much, but for the purpose of really getting people to think about things and wonder why things are the way they are. Like, “Why do we need to do this this way?” And this is true, I feel this way about therapy, in general, and psychology, in general, and just the way the industry is.

Pete Mockaitis
And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Dr. Janna Koretz
Our website is where we keep all the things, so AzimuthPsych.com, A-Z-I-M-U-T-H, psych. That’s where the burnout calculator, career enmeshment test, the values navigator are, all of the things we do, the people we see, other things that we like, that we share, other resources, where we’ve been in the media, things we’ve written about, stuff like that. It’s all in one place.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Dr. Janna Koretz
You can’t think about it too much. Sometimes you just have to do it and see what happens.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Dr. Koretz, thank you. This is fun and I wish you much joy.

Dr. Janna Koretz
Thank you. You as well.

1015: The Science Behind Setting, and Achieving Your Biggest Goals with Caroline Miller

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Caroline Miller shares the overlooked science that helps you pursue your most ambitious goals.

You’ll Learn

  1. The top goal-setting myths to abandon immediately 
  2. The two types of goals and how to set them 
  3. The BRIDGE methodology for effective goal-setting 

About Caroline 

For over three decades, Caroline Adams Miller has been a pioneer with her groundbreaking work in the areas of the science of goal setting, grit, happiness, and success. She is recognized as one of the world’s leading positive psychology experts on this research and how it can be applied to one’s life and work for maximum transformation.

She is the author of nine books, including My Name is Caroline, Getting Grit, Positively Caroline and Creating Your Best Life, which the “father of Positive Psychology,” Dr. Martin Seligman, lauded in Flourish as “adding a major missing piece” to the world of goal setting. She is a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard University and attained one of the first 32 degrees in the world in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania.

Resources Mentioned

Thank You, Sponsors!

Caroline Miller Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Caroline, welcome back.

Caroline Miller
Thanks for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m excited to talk about Big Goals. And I’m curious, you’ve been around the block, doing a lot of research, positive psychology, and more, what would you say is your most fascinating discovery you’ve made about us humans and goal-setting, goal-achieving?

Caroline Miller
I think my biggest awareness aha moment is that, 20 years after I learned goal-setting theory, the number one ranked management theory of all time of 73 theories, also known as the 800-pound gorilla, everyone sets goals and no one knows this number one theory, and it floors me to this day that it remains one of the most unknown, but most validated theories ever to come out of psychology.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, I’m intrigued. So, if there’s 73 theories, how does a theory get to win number one? I’m imagining a reality TV show which the theories are competing against each other with judges and audience input. How does that work?

Caroline Miller
Well, I only report the news, but I do know I have research showing that academics, management theorists, people in the field who actually know what the science is about when you look at self-efficacy theory or different kinds of bias, etc., goal-setting theory is universally ranked number one because of its importance and because everyone does it.

And if we knew the science, which is so amazing that people don’t, if we knew the science, I do believe we’d be more productive, more engaged and more successful. And as a mother, I also feel strongly that our children would grow up with dreams that they have the tools to accomplish, which I don’t think they have. And I think that’s a huge error we’ve made as a society and as parents to not have this science and teach it.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m intrigued. Like, what kind of lift might we see in terms of our goal attainment rates, peddling around as we do, ignorant of the science versus utilizing all these best practices?

Caroline Miller
I can’t give you a percentage, but what I can tell you is that most people disengage and become overwhelmed by the size of their goals, the fact that they have a big dream and they don’t know where to start. And so, as the mother of three adult children who grew up being told to tell them they were winners and that, if we did this, they would all grow up confident and happy, and they’d be very hard workers.

What instead we found out, now that this era of self-esteem parenting is over, is that for the most part, they’re fragile and they can’t always take feedback or performance reviews. Now, I’m not being universal, not all are like this, but the findings are pretty robust that this is a generation that doesn’t know how to do hard things and break goals down into small component parts and have mastery experiences. But I also speak for the parents.

I mean, I’ve known this thing for 20 years. I’ve been all over the world. I work with CEOs and leaders and companies big and small, countries big and small, and they all set goals and no one has this science. So, I think, universally, we are underperforming and underachieving. And one of the things in Big Goals that I’m really proud of is I dug into the research that shows that it’s mostly white men who have benefited from these productivity systems that started in the 1880s and do not benefit women and people of other cultures, partly because we weren’t around.

We weren’t in the workplace. This is not how we thought the workplace would be, but it hasn’t evolved, and it’s something that isn’t discussed. It’s time to have this bridge between the 20th century and the 21st, and my book addresses that gap that I’m happy to share more about.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, yeah, I guess I’d like to understand, if you don’t have a precise percentage, perhaps could you tell a story in terms of a transformation unfolding by utilizing the science?

Caroline Miller
I could tell you a million stories. I worked with one executive, a lot of executives, but I’m thinking of one in particular, a CEO of a major, let’s call it, outdoor remodeling company, who through COVID just kept setting the same performance goals for the salespeople and his senior leadership team, but the entire society turned upside down. We were in, what Locke and Latham would call, a mass learning goal condition where everything you did five, ten years ago can’t be done the same way anymore.

We’ve got a distributed workplace. We’ve got artificial intelligence. We’ve got all kinds of supply chain issues. And so, what he did was he hit pause on all of the goals that he had for himself and for his senior leadership team, and he said, “Caroline Miller’s going to come in and teach us about goal-setting theory, and we’re going to now slow down, and we’re going to take all of these goals and turn them into learning goals because we’re learning new ways to do things.”

The world is different. This is a period not unlike after the Black Death, which gave birth to the Renaissance, which became more evidence-based approaches to medicine and art and science and so on and so forth. So, what he did was he changed the entire goal-setting dashboard within the company. People were able to take the time to learn how to do their jobs in new ways because they had to. They couldn’t meet with customers in person anymore. There were different ways of working with computer systems that people had to learn, let alone artificial intelligence. That’s a whole different conversation.

And as people slowed down, they became more curious and engaged in what they were being asked to do, how the onboarding was done. And as a result, the company hit record profitability in the last few years, and he’s a very satisfied customer. But that’s just very typical of what happens when people learn about Locke and Latham’s goal-setting theory and realize that there are two kinds of goals: performance goals and learning goals, and you can’t mix them up.

And when you do, when you take something that the world has never done before, you’ve never done before, a learning goal, and you skip the time that it takes to gather the skills and the education, the knowledge to do this job, and the time to kind of try out “How do I personalize my approach to this?” what you end up is something called goals gone wild, which is embodied by Boeing’s 737 MAX disasters. The Titan Submersible was stocked in rush.

You can’t skip the learning component when you’re doing something for the first time. When you do, people lose their reputations, companies lose their reputations, and in the case of the Titan Submersible, Boeing, other companies, Ford, the Ford Pinto, people lose their lives. So, it’s a serious issue. It’s a simple theory, but the importance of getting it right cannot be overstated.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so lay it on us, what’s sort of our fundamental misconception? Is it the performance learning stuff?

Caroline Miller

I think the fundamental misconception is that people think SMART goals is science, and it’s not. It was this dude, this manager in 1982, who was going to give a presentation. It was this sticky acronym, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, whatever. I mean, the part of the problem that we’ve discovered with SMART goals, because it’s been studied, is not only does it undermine goal achievement, because if you use the word “realistic” for “R,”what you find is that people undershoot their ability to go after hard goals. And Locke and Latham found that the best possible outcome for all goals is challenging and specific.

So, imagine my arm reached out in front of me, or yours, and the goals that we should be shooting for that always get the best outcomes are past our fingertips. So, when you use “R-realistic,” what you find is that people undermine their ability to find out what they’re made of, and they usually shoot and get very mediocre results. But it’s called “jargon mishmash syndrome,” because “smart” means different things to different people. So, it’s not science. It’s just not science.

So, that’s one of the first things that I would say is that people labor under the conception or the misconception that they know the science of goal-setting, and I think we take it for granted that we have accomplished things in our lives, “And if I did this, I can do that,” when, in fact, the science came out in 1990, and it’s still the most unknown, undelivered piece of research from academia into the mass market, and it stuns me every day.

No matter where I’m talking, no matter who I’m working with, their productivity dashboard in their company or in their lives is based on an urban legend, or vision boards, or law of attraction, or some version of that. And we are not supporting ourselves and the people around us, and our children in particular, in the best possible way if we don’t go out and learn this science.

So, I think it is a crisis of unimaginable proportions because we have a generation that is anxious and depressed and disengaged from the workplace and quite often comes right down, as Gallup said in their State of the Workplace in early 2024, “The number one problem facing all workplaces is a lack of productivity based on faulty goal systems.” We don’t have good goal hygiene. And if we don’t know the science, it’s like trying to put a cornerstone down for a building that’s rocky or isn’t going to hold the weight of the building and everything’s going to crumble.

We have to know the science of goal-setting. This to me is an urgent plea for everyone to stop and say, “It’s time to go in an evidence-based direction,” just like we did during the Renaissance after the Black Death. Everything has to come up a notch and I’ve worked on that. Plus, in the book Big Goals, I introduced something called a BRIDGE methodology that then is the gap between “Here’s goal-setting, theory, here’s the right goal, but how are you going to accomplish it?”

And what I’ve brought to bear is all of this science that no one has heard of from academia, from psychology, from motivation, from mindset research, from grit, to help us understand how to accomplish those goals. And as I said earlier, there’s a gender component that people haven’t paid attention to. Not all approaches to productivity and goal setting fit everyone. You have to personalize it based on who you are and where you are.

Pete Mockaitis
Caroline, are you telling me that if I put my dreams on a vision board and secrete them to the universe, the universe is not going to bring them into my reality?

Caroline Miller
Hmm, let me think about that. No.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, then lay it on us, let’s get these principles associated with the goals theory.

Caroline Miller
Well, what I will say about vision boards is the reason why they hang around so much, I call them these zombie theories, they’re just not dying like SMART goals. They’re dying. They’re hanging around but they won’t go away. There’s some little kernel of something important in vision boards, and that is the science of priming.

When we remind ourselves with pictures or words or aromas, things that enter our conscious and subconscious minds that prime us to act and think in goal-directed ways, we are more likely to accomplish our goals, but that’s a small subset of what must be done. It’s never enough to just have a vision board or to just chant or to write something in lipstick on your mirror.

I think that we’re not taking ourselves seriously if we’re going to just have this one-dimensional approach or magical approach to getting what we want. We can’t skip the hard work piece, that’s just not possible. And you know what, even little kids know that if you give them something that they haven’t worked hard for, they don’t tend to value it. None of us do.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. So, let’s hear the principles fundamentally. How do we set goals?

Caroline Miller
How do we set goals? So, we start with goal-setting theory, basically, “Do I have a performance goal or a learning goal?” In the book, I call it performance goal with checklist goal. So, this is something you’ve done before that’ll fit on a checklist, and you can actually give that checklist to someone else and they’ll have a shot at accomplishing that goal.

So, what it is, it’s like a hotel maid, it’s like a surgeon going into the operating theater and checking “Do I have all the right instruments or the right people around me?” or a pilot in a pre-flight checklist. Checklists are for things you’ve done before and you don’t want to skip a step. And for that reason, you know that you can set a specific outcome by a specific date. And again, Locke and Latham say challenging and specific. That’s a performance goal/checklist goal.

The other kind of goal is a learning goal. So, you start with that, and you can call it a moonshot goal, meaning you haven’t done it before, and the world hasn’t done it before. And then you have to say, “What is it I need to learn in order to accomplish this goal? Who has that knowledge? Is it on Wikipedia? Is there a YouTube? Is there a book? Is there a podcast? Where am I going to flatten my learning curve?”

So, then you go into this BRIDGE methodology I came up with, the brainstorming. But the brainstorming really ought to start with this one prompt that I keep coming back to, “What’s new? What’s new? What do I not know yet? What’s new in the world that would help me become more efficient and effective in this goal?”

And I’ll just tell you one little story that I’m just transfixed by, and that’s this Herculaneum papyri, how they’ve solved this library of charred scrolls. Julius Caesar’s father-in-law in Herculaneum, when Vesuvius dubious erupted, the biggest, most wonderful library in ancient history was charred and these scrolls became like little pieces of firewood. And for years, hundreds of years, I want to say 400 years, we’ve been trying to unroll them.

Guess what happened? During COVID, the former CEO of GitHub got fascinated and bored by the fact that he’s sitting at home every day and he goes on Wikipedia, and he starts looking up ancient tragedies and catastrophes, and he stumbles on this unsolved thing like, “Oh, my God, what do we know now from Silicon Valley, from high particle accelerators, from artificial intelligence that could help us unroll these scrolls?”

Long story short, they now have unrolled, by using artificial intelligence and beaming lights into these scrolls and virtually unwrapping them, they have started to read these ancient scrolls and it’s going to remake everything we know about religion and art and philosophy. It is just stunning. So, you always start with what’s new.

So, in the book, I talk about why traditional brainstorming approaches don’t work, but I have a long set of prompts I have in the book to help people through brainstorming. Relationships. Relationships mean not just “Who do I need to know and have in my life to accomplish this goal? But who do I need to put a container around and keep them out of my life while I’m accomplishing this goal?” People don’t look at that and that’s critical.

And we know research from Shelly Gable at the University of California Santa Barbara, she found that when you share a big goal, a dream with somebody else, their response has to be curious and enthusiastic. That’s the one signal that says to you, “This person has my back, they’re in my corner, and I can tell them more, and they are going to help me accomplish that goal.” So, “Who should be in my life? And who shouldn’t?” Relationships.

Investments, “How am I going to invest my character strengths in the pursuit of this?” We know from positive psychology that knowing your top five-character strengths and using them, deploying them in new and interesting ways to accomplish your goals, or to interact with people throughout the day, makes you more successful. It also makes you happier and it makes you more authentic.

So, the investments can be time, energy, money, character strengths, but you have to think through, “What am I going to sink into this process that I have to build a budget for, build a time budget for, etc.?” So, BRID decision-making. Oh, my gosh, I love this topic. So, when Danny Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize in Economics for sunk cost theory and all of his work on how do we value the things that we spend time with, he also did a lot of work on bias.

But at the end of his life, he wrote this brilliant book with two other economists called Noise, and he was saying that the biggest mistakes we make in decision-making is when we don’t do a noise audit of how we’ve made previous decisions, identical decisions, “What are we being impacted by? Did our football team win or lose yesterday? And are we making the same decisions as judges in identical cases? Are we paroling these people and keeping these other people in jail?”

Noise is a huge part of how we make decisions. It’s rare for me to find someone who has sat down and made a list of their best decisions and the components of those decisions, and done a noise audit. And I think this is why there’s a big move to teach game theory and Poker, especially to women who don’t always learn how to take risks. Poker, and Texas Hold ‘Em in particular, is how we’re beginning to teach people how to take risks in decision-making situations that they must take, even if they have imperfect information.

Pete Mockaitis
With noise, we’re defining that as our historical track record of decisions? How are we defining noise here?

Caroline Miller
Noise is when we have the exact same decision to make about, let’s say, a referee on a football field, right? And it’s the same player going off sides, and it’s a Sunday or a Thursday night game, and you didn’t get a lot of sleep before the Thursday night game, and you see the same player or the same play unfolding in front of you but you make a different decision. You throw a flag or you don’t throw a flag.

Noise is when you have the same kind of decision to make but you make it differently on different days because of things that are going on in your life, and that’s different from bias. Bias is when you’re biased against a certain gender or a certain class of people, or you’re biased against people who didn’t go to your school and you’re a hiring manager. That’s bias. Noise is when you’re allowing the variables—usually you don’t know this is happening—to interfere with decision-making so that your decisions are uneven.

And what’s interesting is artificial intelligence is proving to be one of the greatest ways to spot and fix noise problems in decision-making because it’s just taking data and making a decision on an algorithm, and that’s really what we need to strive to do. Does that help?

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. So, could you just give me eight examples of noise variables?

Caroline Miller
Another example of a noise variable, I said about a hiring manager, would be, let me think, I’m going to go back to a judge, a judge who is making parole decisions. And during the course of a day, at 8 o’clock in the morning, they make a parole decision and a complicated decision where they give somebody parole instead of sending them back to jail because they had a good night’s sleep, their football team won, but maybe their willpower is a little bit higher in the morning. But they’re making a decision that they won’t always make at the end of the day from decision fatigue. That’s noise.

Pete Mockaitis
I see. So, the variables would have to do with the rest, their rested-ness is noise because it’s not actually a valid consideration in terms of what is optimal for a decision regarding that person’s fate. And so, if they’re tired, they’re hungry, they just got in a fight with somebody, it’s sort of like they’ve got an emotional thing going on.

Caroline Miller
They’re distracted, yup.

Pete Mockaitis
And I’ve also heard that we can estimate the steepness of a hill differently if there’s a friend with us or not. And so, in a way that’s noise. Friendship is noise. It’s somewhat ambiguous, but we’re assessing our prospects based on things that are not intrinsic to the situation on the ground.

Caroline Miller
I know the research you’re speaking of, that’s a little bit different than a decision. That’s a thought. That’s a thought you’re having, and you’re saying this is a more effortful climb or it’s not, based on whether you’re looking up, down, do you have a heavy backpack. I’ll give you another example of noise that I think most people can relate to is a radiologist reading mammogram screens and they look identical.

There’s very little difference between the two mammograms, but depending on the time of day, again, “Did you sleep? Did you have a good lunch? Are you distracted because you got a call from school and your child needs to be picked up?” What you might do is send somebody to come back in for a second mammogram, or say to the other person “You’re clear.” And again, I’ll just say, artificial intelligence is reading scans and removing noise from decision-making. It’s fascinating.

So that’s just another example of noise. Same screen, same X-ray, different decision, based on the noise that’s going on in your life. And what’s interesting is Kahneman said, at the end of his life, and he died in March of this year, he said, “This is a bigger problem that’s so not discussed, bigger than bias.” And we get all this bias training. Noise is a bigger problem and it potentially cost companies and countries billions of dollars.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, okay. And you said there’s a final component.

Caroline Miller
So, grit. So, I’ve worked closely with Angela Duckworth. I wrote a book called Getting Grit and I’m fascinated by the fact that we can break grit down into components like humility, and patience, and the ability to take risks, and persistence, and perseverance, the ability to stick with a task just a little bit longer.

When you have big goals, it’s baked into that idea, that fact, that you’re going to have to be more than just resilient. You’re going to have to do hard things for a long period of time. So, you have to essentially do a grit assessment on yourself, “Do I have what it takes to actually hang in there through the dark night of the soul? Do I have the people around me who will reflect back to me that I have what it takes to finish what I’m starting right now?”

Grit is a quality that can be cultivated and it can also be contagious. So, Angela Duckworth found at West Point that if you had a low grit score, because she does the grit scale on incoming cadets at West Point, because what they found is your grit score predicts whether or not you drop out that first summer, Beast Barracks, because they couldn’t figure it out.

For a hundred years, they couldn’t figure it out. Leadership scores, grades, whatever, nothing, nothing spoke to the dropout rate during Beast Barracks until the grit scale. And she found that when you room a lower grit score cadet with a higher grit score cadet, it’s contagious because you do a few things differently for longer periods of time. You might even be a mindset. I call it changing the channel. You can learn to change the channel in your brain to go to a place where you hang in there a little bit longer. So, you have to have what’s good grit, and you can build it.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, is the higher contagious to the low-grit person or vice versa?

Caroline Miller
Yes, high grit. Well, the lower grit person becomes grittier, yes.

Pete Mockaitis
The higher grit person does not become less gritty? They’re not infected by the lazy person there?

Caroline Miller
No.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Caroline Miller
Because the culture of West Point rewards grit. And that’s something that Locke and Latham also found is they found that people are less happy while they’re pursuing hard goals over a long period of time. They set, again, these challenging and specific goals and they were puzzled, “Why are you a little less happy while you’re pursuing these long-term goals but then happier at the very end?” It’s because society prizes and rewards that kind of behavior.

You want to have good grit. And I’ll quickly say, there are three kinds of bad grit that we all have to look out for. One is stupid grit. I call it stupid grit. It’s like summit fever in mountaineering where you see the top of the mountain and you’re so drunk on getting to the top, or you’re so arrogant that you don’t listen to the Sherpas and you’re not caring about the people you’re roped into. You see a lot of arrogance with stupid grit, and it’s people who think they know better and they won’t change direction. Good grit does not have that component because it has humility baked into it.

And then there’s faux grit. We have so much faux grit, you know, people pretending to do hard things, faking their PhD research, pretending they won the Medal of Honor when, in fact, they bought it on eBay. I mean, so much faux grit; performance-enhancing drugs. And then there’s selfie-grit, which is also bad, and that’s when you do hard things, but you are so obnoxious about it, because you tell everybody that you suck all the oxygen out of the room and that repels people.

So, good grit is important when you have big goals, because you will have to dig a little bit deeper and work harder to achieve them. And then excellence, people need to start at the beginning of their goal-setting strategy with “What am I attempting to hit here? What is my definition of excellence with my behavior, or with this particular outcome?” Because in goal setting, we say that which cannot be measured cannot be achieved.

You must have a measurement in place of the excellence you’re shooting for. And I’ll just remind you, Locke and Latham found that the best possible outcome was always past your fingertips, challenging and specific. Low goals and no goals got mediocre to no results whatsoever. And at the end of every day, believe it or not, we do scan our day subconsciously for what we’re proud of that we did that day. And the things that build what’s called authentic self-esteem are the things we did outside of our comfort zone in pursuit of meaningful goals.

We never build our confidence and pride on doing easy things. And this is why I believe we have really done a tremendous disservice to the generation of young adults now when we took away valedictorians and gave them comfort animals, and we dumbed down the playgrounds, and we just did a lot of things that ended up stripping elite out of their vocabularies, and they didn’t know “What does excellence look like? And how am I going to get there?”

And the minute you introduce that back in, people take more pride in what they’re doing and they change their perception of themselves, “What am I capable of doing? How did I do it? And I’m proud of myself and I also know who has my back. I know who was there for me when it was hard, and when I fell down, and when I needed to get back up.” That’s why we all need to do hard things, because it changes our lives, and I believe it changes the world. And knowing goal-setting theory makes it more possible that we can do these things.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, could you perhaps give us an example of a worst practice and a best practice approach to, let’s say, we’re tackling a goal to launch some new and improved marketing initiatives to reach record-breaking levels of revenue?

Caroline Miller
So, let’s say you’re at a company and you’re launching sweatshirts, and you’re trying to decide whether or not you’re going to have this font or that font, or this color or that color, and you just want to do a brainstorming session. So, you pull everyone in, 30 people into a conference room, and you start throwing around ideas. And at the end of the day, you’ve come up with maybe one or two good ideas, but, hey, that’s it.

And then you don’t set a target for, “Well, how quickly can we do it?” or, “Is there a better way to do this?” Remember, brainstorming, you also want to know what’s new, “Is there a better, more efficient way? How do we find out where to do that?” You don’t find out any of those things. It’s what we’ve always done before. This is the approach we’ve always used before for brainstorming.

You don’t even stop and think about relationships, “Who in this company also has to know that this is our timeline for achieving this goal? Whose support do we need?” You don’t figure out investments. You don’t even realize that the cost of the kind of material for these sweatshirts has gone up, “Oh, my gosh, your budget is blown.” Your decision-making, you’ve never figured out “What if I have to pivot? What if COVID hits? What if the whole world shuts down? Do I have a playbook for pivoting?” Probably not.

Good grit, “Oh, my gosh, I’ve never faced a situation where I didn’t succeed in this job.” So, then you maybe blame it on somebody else, and excellence is you probably never started with a target. What’s different, what to know what’s good, is when you have this goal, “Okay, I’m going to make the best possible sweatshirts with this font and this color and the rest of it.”

And then you go, “Okay, who around me, who in this world is doing it better than us? Who has set some kind of dimension of excellence that we can look to? Are they using the kind of fabric that doesn’t kind of go into the trash dumps? Is it biodegradable?” So, you study what excellence looks like. And instead of putting all the people who look like each other in the same room where you get, what I call the Habsburg-Jaw effect, where it’s sterile, there are no ideas that actually live past being in that room because they’re not interesting and they’re not diverse.

You do a very different approach where you maybe have people submit their ideas. Instead of being in a room, you want a diverse set of people brainstorming, and you figure out, “Is this a learning goal or a performance goal?” It’s probably a performance goal because you’re making – I hope this isn’t going on too long – because you’re making sweatshirts. So, you’ve done it before and you know you’ve sold 100,000 in six months at this price.

So, you say, “Hey, we’re going to do it with this new fabric, and it’s within our budget, and it’s a performance goal for us so we’re going to sell 200,000 more. And here’s how we’re going to do it because we’ve got this new factory process, we’ve got this new sweatshirt, we’ve got these people who are giving us better prices on fonts, etc.” You go into the decision-making, “What do we do if…?”

Let me give you an example on this, if you don’t mind. Abercrombie & Fitch was about to introduce what they called their best dressed guest line, and they had, just as COVID hit, they had taken pictures of all the models, they had all the clothes made, best dressed guests. It was designed to appeal to millennials who needed five outfits to go to weekend destination weddings, which was the big thing. So, suddenly COVID hits, and they’ve got this marketing line all paid for, they’ve got the budget, they’ve got the models, they’ve got the pictures, and it’s not usable because no one’s getting on a plane, no one’s going to a wedding, and no one’s buying clothes.

They pivoted quickly. They sent cameras to all their employees. They said, “Wear our lounge clothes. Take pictures of yourselves. Those are our ads for the next year and a half.” That kind of agility and that ability to pivot and do that kind of decision-making was such a plus for Abercrombie & Fitch. So, then they reintroduced best dressed guests when COVID passed, and, anyway, that ended up being a big hit too.

So, you have to know, “What’s going to happen if we have a black swan event like COVID?” And then grit, I already explained. And then excellence, you start with “This is a performance goal for us. This is what we’ve done before. What’s challenging and specific?” You name that number and then you measure along the way to make sure that you’re hitting those targets.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, let’s say it’s a learning goal that it’s new and never before done, how do we approach that differently?

Caroline Miller
Okay. So, let’s just take the Apollo spacesuits. So, there was that horrible implosion where three astronauts died in, I think, the Mercury capsule, Gus Grissom and his two colleagues, but Apollo was still going to put a man on the moon. That was their goal. So, they had to make these spacesuits that were going to withstand the kinds of pressures and fires and gases that could leak into the suit. So, what did they do?

They didn’t set an exact date and time by which they would have the suit, but they went and they found people who knew how to deal with stretchy fabric and who could sew with great precision. And what did they do? These engineers went and found these seamstresses at Playtex, the girdle company, and they met with them. And in a room of brainstorming, they honored the knowledge and the wisdom of these teenage and young 20-year-old seamstresses quite often who could sew with precision to 1/32 of an inch.

And instead of saying, “This spacesuit will be ready by September,” they said, “We’re going to get this right and we’re going to incentivize everybody here to have the standard of excellence, that this is going to keep people alive, and it’s going to allow the United States to come back with what we need to learn about the moon.”

So, all the seamstresses had pictures of the astronauts hung over their sewing machines to remind them of the importance of what they were doing. So, they baked in the motivation, and so only the definition of what excellence looked like was “Could this spacesuit allow Neil Armstrong to move and twist and maneuver and reach down and pick up lunar rocks?” It wasn’t, “We’re going to have it done by a certain date.” Excellence is, “It’s got to work and it’s got to pass these tests. And that’s when we’re going to say we have a spacesuit that’s going to go to the moon.” That’s a learning goal.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. Well, tell me, Caroline, any final do’s and don’ts that we should know about setting and achieving big goals?

Caroline Miller
I think the most important one is to assume that you know nothing. And I hate to say that, but 20 years ago when I was handed goal-setting theory at the University of Pennsylvania as one of my first assignments in this Masters of Applied Positive Psychology program, I own Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Stephen Covey, every single person, I had their books and I got goal-setting theory and I went home and I looked at all of them. They were all urban legends.

And yet, this is how we have built companies. This is what we’ve instilled in productivity systems. If you don’t know goal-setting theory, you don’t know how to really set goals effectively. Just start with that one assumption, dip into Big Goals, and just learn goal-setting theory in the first three chapters of the book.

Get that and then move on to the BRIDGE methodology, because if you do that, there isn’t any dream that you have that you can’t have a really good shot at achieving because you’ll be able to create a strategy that’s going to get you as close as you can possibly get to that dream or get you there. Because I really do believe that the science changes our lives and it makes us more hopeful and optimistic.

I also want to say that one of the most important things in this book is that women do not typically do as well with all the motivational kind of programs and advice that’s been doled out for 50 years. I’ll just give you an example. When women perform jobs on time and tasks on time and get things done on time, they do not get credit for it. Instead, men often, who work longer hours and who don’t get it done on time, the men get rewarded for being seen as harder working and more committed to the company.

So, it’s really important that when you pursue a goal, you have to know what’s the culture you’re working in and how is that culture going to support you in the process of pursuing and achieving your goals, and that’s just one of many examples in the book. You have to know, “Does my company and does the culture I come from and my gender support using this advice to achieve my goal? Or is it going to backfire?”

Because men tend to approach goals as winning and domination and power and success and often money, and women are more communal. They’re not as agentic. That’s not what women get acculturated and rewarded for. So, you can’t just take the goal-setting advice that’s out there on lots and lots of podcasts.

Because, quite often, we don’t hear voices other than men talking to men about men, like Special Forces and presidents and examples that are unrelatable to a lot of us who are taking in really, really interesting stories and advice, but pause and say “Does this story relate to me and my life and what I do and what I look like?” Because if it doesn’t, make sure you do the research to find somebody who does fit that. That’s going to be the advice that’s going to help you the most.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. Now, could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Caroline Miller
My favorite quote is, “You can’t keep what you don’t give away.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Caroline Miller
My favorite study is the “Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect” by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Laura King, and Ed Diener. And they found, at the same time, 2005, as I went back to school, that all success in life is preceded by being happy first. So, any goal strategy plan has to start with how you boot up your well-being through positive interventions, like using your strengths, exercise, gratitude, meditation. So, all success in life is preceded by being happy first, so you got to start there.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite book?

Caroline Miller
Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman by Phyllis Chessler.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite tool?

Caroline Miller
I love Perplexity.

Pete Mockaitis
I just started using that. Why do you love it?

Caroline Miller
Because it gives you the sources and citations where it’s getting information from, instead of just kind of being a wild scrape of the internet. And I’ll just say this, I just spent last weekend at Penn with the co-creator of the Google Notebook, which just got rave reviews everywhere. Google Notebook, Steven Johnson is the man I was with at Penn last weekend. He has come up with something extraordinary where you can drag all your sources and websites and links and podcasts and whatever into this one notebook and, oh, my God, you have your own brain.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And a favorite habit?

Caroline Miller
Favorite habit is swimming. I get up at five o’clock and I go to swim practice with other master swimmers.

Pete Mockaitis
And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they quote it back to you often?

Caroline Miller
“You can’t keep what you don’t give away.” And can I give you the backstory on that, because it’s very meaningful to me?

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Caroline Miller
Real quickly. When I was overcoming bulimia almost 40 years ago, at a time when nobody got better, it was really a death sentence. I started to get better one day at a time in a 12-step group in Baltimore, Maryland, and it was just a miracle. I didn’t think I was going to. I’m surprised I’m alive some days. And I was so thrilled and proud and happy that I was eating and healthy and just not doing all the destructive things I’ve been doing for seven or eight years before.

And someone said to me, “Caroline, it’s great that you’re in recovery, but you can’t keep what you don’t give away.” That taught me what gratitude and love and giving is all about. If you have something worth sharing that’s good, that will help somebody else, you can’t keep it unless you turn around and pull someone with you. So, people quote that back to me all the time.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Caroline Miller
My website, CarolineMiller.com, or the book Big Goals has its own website. We just loaded lots of case studies on success and failure using the BRIDGE methodology and goal-setting theory and that’s BigGoalsBook.com.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Caroline Miller
I would say choose to do hard things and choose to learn about yourself and your character strengths in the process of doing hard things. And if I have a bonus asterisk point, go to something I have no vested interest in, I don’t get anything for this, the VIA’s Character Strengths Survey. It’s free, 15 minutes, at ViaStrengths.org. And, boy, it ranks your character strengths from 1 to 24. Lock onto your top 5, and use them every day in new and creative ways to show up and succeed. It’s proven and it makes you happier to just find out what your top five are.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Caroline, thank you. This is fun. I wish you much luck with all your big goals.

Caroline Miller
Oh, you, too. Thank you so much.

1006: A Navy SEAL Shares the Hidden Attributes Enabling Optimal Performance with Rich Diviney

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Rich Diviney reveals the hidden drivers of optimal performance: attributes.

You’ll Learn

  1. The crucial difference between skills and attributes
  2. When your “weaknesses” are “strengths”
  3. A neuroscience hack for focus and overcoming stress 

About Rich

Rich Diviney developed his expertise in human performance during his over twenty-year career in the US Military, during which he completed more than thirteen deployments overseas and held multiple leadership positions.

While serving as the officer in charge of selection, assessment, and training for a specialized Navy SEAL command, Diviney was intimately involved in an extremely elite SEAL selection process, which required pairing down a group of exceptional candidates to a small cadre of the most elite optimal performers.

He also spearheaded the creation of a mental performance directorate that focused a strong emphasis on physical, mental, and emotional discipline to optimize individual and team performance, allowing operators to perform faster, longer, and more effectively in all environments—especially high-stress ones.

Resources Mentioned

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Rich Diviney Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Rich, welcome.

Rich Diviney
Thank you, Pete. It’s good to be here.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m so excited to hear about some of your wisdom associated with The Attributes, but I think I’m going to put you on the spot and ask that you kick us off with a thrilling, riveting tale related to your time in the Navy SEALs and/or training that’s also instructive and tees us up. So, no pressure, but I want you to check every box with your opening story.

Rich Diviney
All right. Well, so I went into the Navy SEALs. I joined the teams in 1996. I graduated at Purdue University, was commissioned as an officer, went straight to training, and then got through training, which is always a good thing because it’s about a 90% attrition rate at SEAL training, which is called BUD/S, Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL Training.

And so, I went through, got through in ’96. Beginning of the career was, you know, it was normal, but there was nothing going on. Of course, 9/11 happened and things got very busy and kinetic. But what happened between 2005-2010, is I went to one of our very specialized SEAL commands, and that selection process was unique and intense. And I actually took over that selection process in 2010. And in doing so, really had to figure out what we were kind of looking for performance-wise.

So, in other words, to get to this command, you had to have stellar performance reviews, you had to have recommendations, psychological exams, physical tests, all that stuff. And when you went, you went through a nine-month course, a selection course, and 50% of the guys who went through didn’t make it, right? So, 50% of the top Navy SEALs did not make it through, and that’s okay. Every selection course implies attrition, but I think what was not okay and what they asked me to do was that we weren’t able to effectively describe or understand why guys weren’t making it through.

We’d say something like, “Well, the guy couldn’t shoot very well.” Okay, well, you tell a Navy SEAL that caliber, he can’t shoot very well. That’s like, I mean, this guy’s probably shot more rounds than most people in the military. So, it’s disingenuous to him and disingenuous to us. And so, they asked me, they said, “Rich, we need you to look at performance and figure out what’s going on.” And so, I had to really deconstruct performance.

And the couple stories that I’ll kind of harken back to, that hammered this home for me in terms of what I needed to look at, were these. So, in basic SEAL training, in BUD/S, you spend hundreds of hours running around with big boats on your head, you spend hundreds of hours exercising with 300-pound telephone poles, running around with those things, freezing in the surf zone. I was doing this work in 2010 and I had already been on hundreds of combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can tell you with certainty, never on one of them did I carry a big heavy boat on my head or a 300-pound telephone pole, right?

So, what I recognized in that moment was that they weren’t training us in those moments to be Navy SEALs. They weren’t training us in the skills of being SEALs. They were actually teasing out these qualities. They were putting us in these environments to tease out these qualities to see if we had what it took to do the job.

So, then I kind of thought back and I remembered a story I’d heard from an older instructor, and he said, “Rich, you know, years ago, a kid showed up to SEAL training, and he walked into the instructor’s offices, and he said, ‘I want to be a Navy SEAL.’ And the instructor said, ‘Okay. Well, you have to do a swim test.’ And the kid said, ‘Fine.’”

So, they took him out to the pool, and it’s an easy test, like 50 meters, so 25 meters to one end, 25 meters back to the other end. He gets all ready to go, and as soon as he jumps in the pool, he sinks right to the bottom of the pool. And at the bottom of the pool, he begins walking across the bottom of the pool to one end, he touches one end, he walks across the bottom of the pool back to the other end.

He comes up, he’s gasping for air, the instructor looks at him and says, “What the heck are you doing?” And the kid is still trying to catch his breath, looks at the instructor, and says, “I’m sorry, instructor, I don’t know how to swim.” And at that point, the instructor looks at him and pauses, and then he says, “That’s okay, we can teach you how to swim.”

And the idea is “Why did the instructors say that?” The instructor said that because he knew, if this kid had the attributes, the qualities to show up to Navy SEAL training, one of the most elite maritime units on the planet, and he didn’t know how to swim, he had everything inside of him to be a Navy SEAL. Teaching him the skill of swimming was going to be easy.

So, that was really the big story, the big “aha” for me in terms of bifurcating the terms between skills and attributes, and the fact that if we look at just skill, we’re missing a huge percent of the performance picture because we have to look at these qualities that people bring to the table if we want to understand performance at very elemental levels.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, yes, let’s dig in to some depth in a moment, the distinction between skills and attributes. I think that’s really thought-provoking and useful. But first, I’m curious, with your specific charge, in terms of, we’ve got to get to the bottom of why. Why are half of these super highly trained, experienced operators not getting through? What was the answer?

Rich Diviney
Well, the answer was, we were looking for some specific attributes, and the guys who weren’t making it through either didn’t…well, they just didn’t have enough of them. So, for example, a couple of the attributes I talk about in the book are the mental acuity attributes, which are situation awareness, compartmentalization, task switching, and learnability.

When you are doing, for example, the level of operations that we’re doing, in this case, close quarter combat, where you’re going in and clearing rooms to rescue hostages, it’s a very rapid, a very fast, very dynamic environment, inside of which you have to do live fire, you have to take instruction, you have to learn, you have to upload it, you have to be very cognizant of your buddies, you have to move quickly, you have to hit your targets.

And I think what was happening, most of the guys would drop out during that phase, and I think what we found was that they were, again, they didn’t have none of these, none of us have no attributes or zero attributes, but, in this case, they didn’t have enough of an ability to run into environment, be situationally aware enough to pick a target, focus in on that target, address that target, and then switch to the next target rapidly.

So, it was, I think that the attributes that we didn’t see that were the most predominant in predicting failure, or at least attrition, were enough of those mental acuity attributes. And then another one would just be resilience. Resilience is defined as this ability to bounce back to baseline. It’s not really getting back up when you get hit, it’s to be able to bounce back to get back to baseline.

So, you think about that rubber band, you stretch, you let it go, it goes back to its original shape. Can you bounce back from hardship or even success? And the guys who would be screwing up and they’d get the spotlight on them and just get hammered, hammered, hammered, some guys would just be able to wash that off and bounce back. Other guys would just go into a spiral.

And so, that was, if we saw that, that was certainly an attribute that we needed to see a predominance of because we can’t have folks who can’t bounce back to baseline rapidly enough. So, those were probably some of the most predominant ones, and then there were others that we kind of identified too, but less predominant.

Pete Mockaitis
And so, I’m intrigued, Rich, we talk about attributes versus skill, is this mental acuity stuff and the resilience bounce-backing stuff not a learnable, trainable, developable skill?

Rich Diviney
So, it’s developable. It’s not teachable. Let me just identify the terms here just really quick for the audience. A skill is not inherent to our nature. In other words, none of us are born with the ability to ride a bike or throw a ball. We’re taught to do those things; we’re trained to do those things. Skills direct our behavior in known and specific environments, “Here’s how and when to throw a ball or ride a bike.”

And then skills are very visible. They’re very easy to see, which means they’re very easy to assess, measure, and test. You can put scores around them, statistics, and otherwise. You can put them on resumes, which is why we get seduced by skills often when we’re picking teams or performance evaluating.

But what skills don’t tell us is how we’re going to show up in stress, challenge, and uncertainty. Because in an unknown environment, it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to apply a known skill. So, this is when we lean on our attributes. So, attributes, on the other hand, are inherent to our nature. In other words, all of us are born with levels of patience, situational awareness, adaptability.

Now, you can develop them over time and experience, but you can see levels of this stuff in very small children. So, anybody who has small kids or has, you know, experienced small kids will agree with me when I say there are one and a half year olds who are patient, and there are one-and-a-half-year-olds who are impatient. So, there’s a nature/nurture element to attributes.

Attributes don’t direct our behavior; they inform our behavior. They tell us how we’re going to show up to an environment. So, my son’s levels of perseverance and resilience informed the way he showed up when he was learning the skill of riding a bike and falling off a dozen times doing so. And then finally, because they’re difficult to see, they’re very difficult to assess, measure, and test, but they come up the most viscerally, and viscerally during times of stress, challenge and uncertainty.

So, the idea is we all have all of the attributes. The difference in each one of us are the levels to which we have each. So, if we take adaptability, for example, and seven is high and one is low, I’d be a six on adaptability, which means when the environment changes around me outside of my control, it’s fairly easy for me to go with the flow and roll with it.

Someone else might be a level three. If the same thing happens to them, it’s difficult for them to go with the flow and roll with it, there’s friction there. They’re still adaptable because all human beings are. It’s just harder. So, if we’re trying to line these up like dimmer switches, we’d all have different dimmer switch settings.

So, the idea is, yes, you can take an attribute you’re low on and develop it, but you can’t do it the same way as a skill, because…and just one more thing for your audience, a way to distinguish between an attribute and a skill is to ask yourself a question, “Can I teach it or can it be taught?” If the answer is yes, it’s probably a skill. If the answer is no, it’s probably an attribute.

So, Pete, you could say to me, “Rich, I want to go to a range and learn how to shoot a pistol and hit a bullseye.” I could take you to the range and teach you how to do that in a couple hours. That’s a skill. Or you could say, “Rich, I want to learn how to be more patient.” I can’t teach you that, all right? That has to be self-developed.

So, to develop an attribute you’re low on takes three factors, three things. The first thing is you have to know you’re low on it. The second thing is you have to have a need, desire, or motivation to develop it. What do I mean by that? Well, we have to understand that just because you’re low on an attribute does not mean you need to develop it. In fact, developing that attribute may be detrimental to what you’re trying to do.

I always say the stand-up comic with too much empathy is going to be a lousy stand-up comic, right?

Pete Mockaitis
“Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t like that joke?”

Rich Diviney
That’s right, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
“Really, boy, I feel terrible. Let’s just call of the set.”

Rich Diviney
Or, I don’t even tell the joke. So, yeah, just because you’re low doesn’t mean, you know, in fact, you’re being low might be exactly why you’re so good at what you do. But assuming both are true, you’re low on and you feel like developing will actually help your niche, the third is the most important. To develop an attribute, you must go find environments and place yourself environments that tease and test that attribute.

So, if you want to develop your patience, you have to go find environments that test and tease and develop your patience, whatever that looks like for you. It could be, “I’m going to drive in traffic. I’m going to deliberately drive in traffic.” Or, “I’m going to pick the longest line in the grocery store to stand in.”

I always say “Have kids. That’ll develop patience.” But whatever that is, you can do that for any attribute. So, those dimmer switches are not, and our attributes aren’t immutable, but they certainly take more efforts and consideration in terms of developing them or increasing them.

Pete Mockaitis
I hear you there in terms of, I think the two-hour shooting example is handy because it’s not like, “Hey, there’s just a few guidelines associated with lining up the sights, or your breathing, or whatever. The fundamentals are there, “Okay. Now I know those things and I’m going to do those things. And, oh, wow!”

Because I think maybe one thing that’s coming to mind is you’ll see transformational results from zero to just a few hours later. It has been my experience with learning skills, like, “Oh, I had no idea.” It’s like, “Oh, okay. Well, now I kind of know the fundamental things. I’m just going to do those things, and now we know the results are way better.”

Versus patience. Yeah, you’re right. It’s not like, “Okay, in two hours, I’m going to teach you deep breathing and thinking about where they’re coming from, and now you’re done. Your patience has been tripled in quality.” I hear you. It doesn’t tend to work nearly that quickly in practice.

Rich Diviney
Yeah, does not work, I guess, linearly. And we have to think about attributes. The reason why attributes are so important is because it defines who we are at our most raw, our raw selves when you-know-what is hitting the fan, when the plan doesn’t go, the plan goes out the window, we’re steeped in uncertainty and chaos, these attributes are what rise to the fore. All the rest of it goes away.

I always kind of joke, and you and I talked before you hit record, about personality tests. I think most of them are fun and great. The only thing about personality we have to consider is that when the you-know-what hits the fan, personality goes out the window, and we, at our most raw, are running on these attributes.

And I think the gift I was given in SEAL training, and my teammates were given, is that we, from day one of SEAL training, started to understand who we are at our most raw and started to understand who each other were at our most raw, because then we knew, okay, when everything is dropping in chaos and uncertainty, we know exactly who’s going to show up and we know when to lean on each other and when to support each other and all that stuff. That’s the importance of this stuff.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s cool. Okay. Well, so I took the assessment, and it was impressive, 250 items, but it went by super quick. And I got a kick out of how I have taken a number of these as well, such as StrengthsFinder and more, and the results sort of have some confluence, you know. So, I mean, I guess, while we’re distinguishing, we got skills, we got attributes, we got personality, how about strengths? Where do we put that into this?

Rich Diviney
So, I’m glad you asked, because when we talk about attributes, we don’t talk about good or bad. What we talk about is your performance fingerprints, what’s your unique performance picture. And the reason why we don’t talk about strengths and weaknesses is because your top attributes, your top five attributes are just as meaningful and have done just as much for your success as your bottom five. In other words, you being low on your bottom five is also why you’re successful.

Now, when we look at it honestly, what we say is, let’s do some honest introspection and ask ourselves, “Okay, these are my top five, these are my bottom five, or these are my order ranked, whatever. What are ways that this has served me? But what are also ways that this can maybe not serve me?” because that’s when we have to understand some blind spots.

So, the attributes equation is not about strengths and weaknesses. It’s about where you show up performance-wise, and where you might want to either dial down or dial up certain attributes or even develop attributes if you so desire. But there’s no judgment, which is powerful because it takes judgment out of the picture, which makes teams run faster and better.

Pete Mockaitis
And it’s interesting, so there’s 41 of them in the report. But as I read through the names, they all seem, like, good. Like, I’d like more discipline, charisma, confidence, courage, empathy, adaptability.

Rich Diviney
That’s exactly right.

Pete Mockaitis
Like, “Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I’d love to have more of that.” But you’re saying like, well, having a whole lot of something is not always beneficial in a certain context, nor is having a very low score on something detrimental in a given context.

Rich Diviney
That’s right, yeah. Any one of the attributes, we could make an argument for pros and cons for that attribute, and we could also make an argument where at extremes, we could certainly have detriment. But the idea is the pros and cons are what you look at, and you start to say, “Okay, this is how and why I perform the way I do.”

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it’s funny, I’m thinking right now, so in my attributes, my highest, we’ve got creativity, cunning, innovativeness, open-mindedness, integrity. And it’s funny, because right now I’m going through a process of getting a mortgage, and from my perspective, it’s just kind of like, “Okay, guys, so you can see I got credit, I got assets, I’ve got income. So, like, we’re good to go here, right?”

Rich Diviney
That’s right, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
But the answer is no, like, “We have to comply with all of the things perfectly so that, in the United States the way it works, because we’re going to resell this to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac who need to have their standards complied with to a T, and that’s why there’s a low cost of capital associated with this.”

“So, your creative ideas associated with how you might prove this or that is not what I want. I want you to go to your bank and ask them for this very specific document, and then include that along with 12 other very specific documents, and then we’re good to go.”

Rich Diviney
So, it’s funny you should say that. By the way, your results are great. I’ve never seen creativity, cunning, and innovativeness all in the top five. All three of those are attributes that involve imagination, but they’re different to an extent. And this is where we have to get precise with the language-ing. This is one of the things we find very powerful about the attributes content, because we’re very precise with the etymology of each word.

So, creativity is the ability to create something into existence that otherwise didn’t exist. This is the artist with the blank canvas, the writer with the blank sheet of paper, the sculptor with the lump of clay. You’re able to create new ideas that didn’t otherwise exist. Innovativeness, on the other hand, is the ability to take something currently in existence and use your imagination to iterate on it and make it better. And then cunning is the ability to use imagination to problem-solve in ways that are outside-the-box thinking.

So, you have a very powerful trio there of using imagination on all different fronts and facets. The other thing about this is you’re also high on integrity, which means, you know, cunning, people, a lot of times, view cunning as pejorative, but cunning is not pejorative. Cunning is just outside-the-box thinking.

But I always say the way we use cunning can be pejorative. In other words, you can use cunning malevolently, that’s Bernie Madoff, or you can use cunning benevolently, that’s Oscar Schindler. The fact that you’re high on integrity means you’re going to use all this stuff in a benevolent way, which is pretty cool.

And then, of course, your open-mindedness does not surprise me because, as someone with all three of those imaginative attributes on top, you’re someone who is constantly taking in and open to new ideas because it probably just informs your ability to use more imagination. So, I think it’s a fascinating top five. What are your thoughts when you see the top five?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it does ring true in terms of StrengthsFinder, I think Ideation was my number one, and I do find that when I am in settings, like teamwork settings, that’s what lights me up the most, is that, “Let’s figure out the new, cool, creative way to do the thing.” And what is less exciting to me is, “Okay. Well now we know what that is, so just do that hundreds of times repeatedly for the next decade.” It’s, like, “Ooh, can someone else please execute that? Ugh.”

Rich Diviney
Right. By the way, let’s just talk about now your bottom five. What you just said there is also indicated by your bottom five because you’re low on patience, which means you don’t really like to…you won’t bang your head against the wall, and then persistence. Persistence is an interesting one. It’s defined as a kind of a firm steadfastness in understanding there’s a course of action and sticking to the same course of action over and over again because you know it’ll work.

So, I usually say it’s the stonecutter approach. The stonecutter basically taps that rock in the same place a hundred times and nothing happens because he knows that after the 101st or 107th tap, it’s going to break. That’s persistence.

You’re someone who’s constantly trying to ideate, which means you like new ideas, and you have little patience for sticking to the same course if it doesn’t make sense or if it’s boring. You will shift very rapidly. Where it could be a blind spot for you is you have to say to yourself, “Okay, well, there might be times where staying the course is, in fact, what needs to happen.” And that might be where you have to lean on someone else in your team who’s better at persistence, who can basically say, “Hey, Pete, we need to just stay the course.”

Your high imagination may find you in a position where you’re just constantly inundated with new ideas and it’s tough for you to take one and stick to one because you’re just constantly having new ideas. And again, this is not that these things do happen. These are just blind spots that may happen based on the way these attributes line up.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, it’s really true, and if I am not seeing some level of results when I’m doing a thing in my own world, I feel like I need some pretty robust evidence that this course is ultimately correct. It’s like, “I did the thing three times, I haven’t seen any good results or effects flow from it yet.” So, I’ve coaxed myself, and everyone says, “Well, Pete, take a look at these impressive results on the random control trial, you know, that lasted six weeks, so let’s give it the six weeks first.”

Rich Diviney
Yeah, give it some time. Give it some time. And again, this is stuff you can do. Again, it’s not that you don’t have these attributes. They’re just prioritized in your behavior lower than the other ones, which means you have to do more, you have to have more deliberacy in when you have to dial them up. Like you said, you have to consciously make the effort to say, “You know what, I just need to stay to this.” It’s a conscious thing. Whereas, if you’re just acting without thinking, you’re likely going to shift.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, this is fun for me. I’ve got a big report. So, what if people who don’t have that? What do they do?

Rich Diviney
Well, yeah, they could always take the assessment, but I think one of the things folks can do is they can begin to interrogate their performance. And the way we do that is we look back at our performance, especially during times of stress, challenge, and uncertainty, and only because that’s when these things are most visible and visceral, and start asking ourselves some honest questions about how we showed up.

So, if we went through a situation and we say to ourselves, “Well, as everything was changing around me, I was upset and it didn’t feel good and I couldn’t really flow. It was hard for me to flex and flow.” That might indicate you’re a little low on adaptability, and that’s okay. It just gives you an idea of where you stand on these.

And you can start to think about these attributes in terms of how you’ve performed. You could think about how you perform in every day, all day, but especially during stress, challenge, and uncertainty. Experiential knowledge is the most powerful in this case. And I would even encourage those who do take the assessment to look at their results and then begin to think about times in their lives where these attributes have served them or have not served them, and start to say to themselves, “Okay, I can see now, experientially, how and why these show up the way they do.”

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And then I guess I’m curious, if you find yourself in a context, maybe it’s a job, or role, project, where it kind of seems like the attributes you have are not a great match up, “Maybe I am a super empathetic stand-up comic.”

Rich Diviney
Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. Well, I always say, I mean, I like to think of human beings as cars, just like the movie. Some of us are Jeeps, some of us are SUVs, some of us are Ferraris, and there’s no judgment because the Jeep can do things the Ferrari can’t do, and the Ferrari can do things the Jeep can’t do. But it behooves us to lift our hood and figure out what we’re running with because the friction in our lives, that we’re talking about, might be because we’ve been a Jeep trying to run on a Ferrari track this whole time, or a Ferrari trying to run on a Jeep track.

And so, I think what folks can do, if there is significant kind of friction in one’s life, they may, in fact, be in a position, in a role, in a job, in a niche that is not suited to their normal attribute profile. And what’s happening there is they’re going to the job and they’re having to consciously behave differently, consciously dial up or dial down their attributes so that they can actually conduct the job, which you can do, that’s okay, but it doesn’t feel as good.

So, the idea would be, ask yourself, “Okay, what are my attribute sets? How does that performance picture look? And what might be some niches inside of which I could use this to excel?” And then if you’re a leader of people, you have to start looking at performance differently. In other words, low performance might not be because that person doesn’t know what they’re doing. It might be because their attributes don’t line up properly.

And that happened to me when I was commanding officer of a SEAL command, and I had a supply department. I had eight people; four people in this future look kind of innovative type cell, and then four people in the logistics kind of admin bookkeeping cell. And I had one sailor in the innovative cell that was not performing, bringing down morale.

And I brought her in, I started talking to her, and within 10 minutes I recognized her unique attribute set was a complete misfit for what I had her doing, but it was perfect for this other thing. So, all I did was shift her. I shifted her roles, her performance skyrocketed. So, it is about helping people get in the right seat on the bus as well.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, we have 41 attributes, and if you don’t have a report in front of you, is there a bite-sized, manageable way you can think about these in a few categories so we can kind of map ourselves out a little bit?

Rich Diviney
The attributes themselves, I’ve broken into categories. Certainly, in the book, there’s five categories. The work we do now, we have nine. You can find those on the website, but those categories are like the grit category. So, what attributes make up grit? Mental acuity. What are the attributes that describe how our brain processes the world? Drive. What are the attributes that make up the driven person?

We have vision attributes, which have to do with creativity. We have service attributes, which have to do with our ability to serve other people. Social intelligence attributes, leadership attributes, and team ability attributes. And so, all those are grouped so that the attributes can clump kind of in a nice organized fashion.

It’s not to say that those attributes are strictly in those categories. I mean, even though courage is a great attribute, one could make an argument for courage also being a leadership attribute, but it helps them bin and organize the attributes in a little bit different way. I would say, though, if someone does, in fact, take the assessment and understand their rankings, I would offer and recommend people to look at their top five, bottom five.

This is one of the reasons why the assessment pulls those out because, the top five, bottom five starts to really describe and help one understand some unique aspects of their performance. The middle attributes, basically, are those attributes that you tend to easily shift in the polarities, between the polarities.

So, in other words, I just have to look at yours, but we take something like charisma. Charisma is something that you’re someone who can at times be charismatic and at times you’re not charismatic. You can kind of shift between those polarities, versus when you start seeing where they’ve been top and bottom, those are the ones you’re most often like or most often not like, if that makes sense.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, it’s funny. I mean, there are times when people, they say, “Pete, I want you to be the master of ceremonies for this event.” It’s like, “Well, okay. Let’s put on the tuxedo, and let’s, you know, the big smile, and away we go.”

Rich Diviney
Yeah, that’s right.

Pete Mockaitis
And then there are other times where it’s like, “That’s fine. I don’t need to be the center of attention. I’d be happy to arrange the items at the event as well, if that’s what you need to do.”

Rich Diviney
Yeah, you shift in the polarities, which is what the middle ones indicate which is good. So, they’re all useful in terms of understanding.

Pete Mockaitis
And when you say this is how we are under stress when it all hits the fan, maybe we could zoom out a little bit and share, are there general best practices, no matter what your attributes are, that are ideal for when we find ourselves in these intense situations?

Rich Diviney
The answer is yes. In fact, you’re throwing out a nice preview for my second book, which is coming out in a few months called Masters of Uncertainty, where I give some tools and techniques for, in fact, what we can do in stress, challenge, and uncertainty. So, there are ways we can actually use our brain and our physiology to step through stress, challenge, and uncertainty better.

One of those ways is just a way we can actually interrogate an environment and manage our autonomic arousal. One of the biggest things that happens to us in stress, challenge, and uncertainty is we get autonomically aroused, i.e. our amygdala gets tickled and our arousal goes up. This happens to a degree that can, eventually, if unchecked, reach what we call amygdala hijack or autonomic overload, where we’re acting without thinking.

That type of amygdala hijack is very handy when we are getting out of the way of a moving train. We won’t have to think about what we’re doing. We just want to move and act, right? Not as handy in most other everyday stress and anxiety because we want to put conscious thought into our decision-making process.

What happens as our autonomic arousal goes up is our frontal lobe begins to take a back seat to our limbic, and when we reach the point of amygdala hijack, or autonomic overload, the frontal lobe has now gone back and we’re operating on our limbic without thinking. So, the key in challenge, stress, and uncertainty is to keep that frontal lobe engaged, and one of the ways we can do that is to ask conscious questions about our environment constantly.

So, in other words, “What can I focus on right now at this moment?” Even something like, “How am I feeling right now?” This is why “name it to tame it” is a very useful emotional technique, an emotional tool, because it’s pushing your limbic back a little bit, bring your frontal lobe online.

So, I think the idea is, as long as we’re managing our arousal by keeping our frontal lobe engaged, and we can do that with better questions, it’s a way to step through our environments of uncertainty, challenge, and stress.

Pete Mockaitis
Could you walk us through an example of some “naming it, taming it,” great questions?

Rich Diviney
Yes. One of the best questions you can ask in an environment of stress, challenge, and uncertainty is, “What could I control in this moment?” And what’s cool about the brain is the brain is designed to answer questions. It’s constantly doing it. And so, if we deliberately put a question into our frontal lobe, our brain will immediately begin to come up with answers. And so, if you put that question to your frontal lobe, you’re going to start to get answers that allow you to say, “You know what? Okay, I’m going to focus on this.”

Here’s a real-world example. It’s a SEAL training example, but it can be relatable. In SEAL training, like I said, you spend hundreds of hours running around with big, heavy boats on your head. And I remember, it was the middle of the night, we’ve been running with these boats on our head for hours and hours, and it was miserable, and we were on the beach and we were running next to the sand berm.

And I remember being miserable under the boat, and I said to myself, “Okay, you know what? I’m just going to focus until I get to the end of the sand berm. That’s what I’m focused on. I’m just going to get to the end of the sand berm.” What I did in that moment, unbeknownst to me, but I deconstructed later, was I immediately took control of an uncontrollable situation. I gave myself a focus point and I basically said, “Okay, end of sand berm.”

And as soon as I did that, as soon as I gave myself a goal, once I hit that goal, my brain gave me a dopamine reward for that. It’s inevitable. When we set goals and accomplish a goal, we’re going to get dopamine reward, which allows then for us to do it again and ask another question. So, we can actually start setting these horizons in any environment, and asking better questions about our environments so we can step through.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s a really cool one. And I find that that’s true with regard to any number of unpleasant tasks, “If I could break this down into, I’ve got one page and I’ve got it into a dozen pieces and I’ve got my green is my pen color of completion. I don’t know, it just is. Green means done, money, victory. Then, yeah, it feels good.” It’s like, “Okay, well, there’s one piece,” as opposed to if you didn’t have the segmentation, you’re just like, “Oh, I just got one big mess that I’m dealing with.”

And I’ve also found that handy for exercise, even in indoor sterile environments, I don’t know, like a StairMaster or a treadmill or a bike or an elliptical, I find myself doing that just with numbers, like, “Hey, it’s a 30-minute workout.” It’s like, “Hey, if we get past 15, that means we got the majorities behind me. That’s awesome.” And so, I’m just making it up, and yet it helps.

Rich Diviney
And even that process, so neuro-scientifically, this is what we call DPO, duration pathway outcome, something that a good friend of mine, Andrew Huberman, who has a popular podcast called the Huberman Lab, he and I put together a few years ago, but the brain is constantly looking for these three factors in our environment to define it.

One is duration, “How long is this is going to take?” Two is pathway, “What’s the route in or out?” And then, three, is outcome, “What happens at the end?” And so, in the absence of one or more of those three things, that’s when we find ourselves in uncertainty, challenge, stress, anxiety. So, what’s happening there is we are literally creating our own DPOs, whether it’s you in the gym, me on the beaches of BUD/S, we are creating a duration pathway outcome, and we’re taking charge of this focus point, and we’re creating something to focus on and then strive toward.

I call this process moving horizons because these horizons are constantly shifting, and the distance or the size of each horizon has to be subjective to the individual and subjective to the intensity of the task. So, in other words, a more intense task, it’s probably going to be a shorter horizon. If I’m In SEAL training, in the surf zone, just freezing my butt off, and they’re keeping us there for hours, which happens, I remember saying to myself, “Okay, I’m just going to count 10 waves.” My horizon was short.

There were other times where I remember saying, “You know what? I’m going to just make it to the next meal,” the horizon shifts. The key, in terms of the dopamine reward system, is that you have to pick a horizon that’s meaningful for you. In other words, not too hard, so you run out of steam on the way, but not too easy, so when you accomplish it, you don’t get a doping reward. That’s highly subjective.

And so, as you do that in the gym, in life, on the beaches of BUD/S, you’re shifting those horizons constantly and asking yourself, “Okay, what’s the next meaningful horizon?” subjective to your own experience.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s handy. And I’m thinking about just daily work in which you have to focus, because it seems unlimited. It’s, like, there’s an unlimited pile of things that you could do, and then the day could be long. So, then what do you do with that? I actually have a timer that I use, it’s set to an hour or whatever, and then I find that very helpful in terms of, “Okay, I’m just going to crank on this for an hour.”

And sometimes it’s like, “No, I’m tired. 45 minutes is all that’s going to happen this time.” And then it feels very satisfying, it’s like, “I did the thing. That hour is complete and now I’m having a break and it’s all good.”

Rich Diviney
Yeah, you’re creating your own horizons and the timer’s helping for that. What you’re doing also is you’re practicing compartmentalization, which is one of your bottom fives, but the fact that you use a timer means you’re actively practicing, which is a good tool to use because that’s handy and it helps you kind of set those DPOs.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, Rich, tell me anything else you want to make sure to mention before we hear about some of your favorite things?

Rich Diviney
No, I just encourage people to just start exploring their attributes. If they want to visit us on our website, it’s TheAttributes.com, and we’re going to give your audience a discount code for the assessment as well.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, beautiful. Thank you. Well, now could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Rich Diviney
The one that pops to mind is one from Einstein, because he has so many good ones, and it goes something, I don’t want to murder it here, but it goes something like, “Everybody is a genius, but if you try to teach a fish to climb a tree, it’ll look like an idiot.”

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Rich Diviney
Recently, I heard of some folks in the AI space who have been starting to deconstruct the language of animals. How about that? They started to understand the language of elephants, whales, and different animal species, which I think is utterly phenomenal.

Pete Mockaitis
Wow! And a favorite book?

Rich Diviney
One of my favorite books is probably Sapiens by Harari. I go back to that quite a bit. That’s a great one.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite tool, something you use to be awesome at your job?

Rich Diviney
I honestly try to put together and arrange habits or times, periods where I can just be in my own head, whether it be if I’m jogging in the woods or even on an airplane, I can look out the window. But times I can really just be in my own head and think about and process ideas, I think that’s a gift that we should give ourselves, we should all give ourselves more.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And is there a particular nugget you share that people really resonate with and quote back to you often?

Rich Diviney
When it comes to leadership, the one I hear the most is that being in charge and being a leader are two separate things. Being in charge is a position. Being a leader is a behavior. And the one I hear the most is I tell people you don’t get to self-designate. You don’t get to call yourself a leader. That’s like calling yourself good-looking or funny. Other people decide whether or not you’re someone they want to follow based on the way you behave. So, if you want to be a leader, behave like one.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Rich Diviney
TheAttributes.com. So www.theattributes.com has everything there, the book, the assessment, a bunch of stuff we do with companies and things like that. So, yeah, feel free to go check it out.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Rich Diviney
Yes. Growth is found outside of our comfort zone, so always make it a project to step outside the comfort zone often because that’s where you’ll grow and that’s where you’ll learn, and it’s a great place to be.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Rich, this is so much fun. Thank you. I wish you all the luck.

Rich Diviney
Cool. Thank you, Pete. Thanks for having me.