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KF #28. Drives Results

235: The Power of Finding Your Why with David Mead

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David Mead says: "Show up to give."

Author and Simon Sinek colleague David Mead shares the importance of starting with why you do what you do–and how to find that why.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The benefits of starting with why
  2. Examples of effective and ineffective “whys”
  3. The process to find your why

About David 

David is committed to a world in which the vast majority of people wake up inspired to go to work, feel safe while they’re there and go home at the end of the day fulfilled by the work they do. David co-authored Find Your Why, with Simon Sinek. The book provides a step-by-step, practical guide on how to discover the Why for any individual, team or organization. David has presented these simple, inspiring ideas on 5 continents to over 150 organizations in a wide range of industries.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Pete Mockaitis
David, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

David Mead
You’re welcome. Thanks for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I think we’re going to have such a fun chat because I’m really into what it is you do. But in doing a little bit of digging in your background I saw that you were once an Apple Store associate. Any fun tales from that time? And are you getting the iPhone X?

David Mead
The thing that sticks out in my memory about that is I don’t know what I was thinking but I showed up to my interview, it was a group interview, and I showed up in a shirt and tie, and they literally laughed at me. And so, I learned very quickly that we were going to be a little bit more casual there which worked out great. But I loved it, loved working there.

To answer the other question, absolutely, yes. Funny story about that, I woke up like 15 minutes before midnight on November 2, I think, or November 3 when it was released, and I was like, “Ah, I’ll go back to sleep. It’ll be fine. I’ll be able to order it when I wake up next time,” because I’m 40 and now I wake up multiple times at night.

And so, I happen to wake up at like 12:45 and I got on and I completed my purchase, and they said, “Your delivery date is December 5 to the 15,” and I was like, “What? Are you kidding me? This is supposed to come out like next Friday.” And so, on the actual release date, when it was going to be available in stores, I didn’t want to wait that long so I was planning to wake up at like 4:00 o’clock in the morning and go stand in line like an idiot at the Apple Store so that I could get it before December.

And so, I woke up and I checked my email and I happen to have an email from Apple saying that my delivery date had bee n moved up to November 13, so I was like, “Oh, I can wait for 10 days.” But absolutely, yes, I am getting the iPhone X.

Pete Mockaitis
So, we are recording this just before it’s entered your hands. And how are you feeling?

David Mead
I’m feeling anxious and I have a great deal of anticipation. I can’t wait for next Monday.

Pete Mockaitis
I think I also have one coming my way, and I’m excited partially just because I’ve been on the 6, and I feel such a whiny, entitled, you know, impatient, I guess I’m just barely a millennial at 34. I think I’m on the threshold there. And I guess I’ve been on the iPhone 6 for a while, and it seems like maybe there’s something wrong with it, but sometimes I’ll like push the camera, and I have to wait four seconds   for the camera, and I can’t live like this, David. I can’t live like this so I need an upgrade and the 10 was there, so I said, “We’ll take it.” Plus, the dual camera, I’ll be shooting some important business videos with that, so this is necessary.

David Mead
Of course. That’s a right off, of course.

Pete Mockaitis
It is essential that I have this outrageously expensive toy for my business.

David Mead
Indeed.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. Well, so, anyway, I want to talk. So, you’re in Simon Sinek’s organization, and so you co-authored with him the book Find Your Why which is great. And so, if anyone hasn’t already seen Simon’s famous, infamous TED Talk about finding your why, it’s well worth it, and we’ll link to it in the show notes. But for those who aren’t going to do that, can you give us the real quick summary on kind of what’s the primary concept that you’re working with here?

David Mead
Sure. So, the concept of Start With Why is very simple. It basically outlines that every organization, and even our own careers, operate on three levels, which is what we do, how we do it, and why we do it. And everybody knows what they do. This is the product you sell, the service that you offer, the title that you hold. Some people know how they do what they do which means how are you different or special, how do you set yourself apart, what are sort of the guiding principles, or how you run your business that’s different than anybody else.

But very few organizations and very few individuals understand and, more importantly, can clearly articulate why they do what they do. And by why, we don’t mean to make more money or to increase market share, or sell more stuff. By why, we mean, “What’s your purpose? What’s your cause? What’s your belief? What’s the human reason that you do the work that you do? Really, why does your organization exist and do the things that it does?”

And so, the premise here is that most individuals, most organizations start with what. They tell you what they do. They might tell how they’re different or special or better, and that’s usually where it stops. But the most inspired organizations, the most inspiring leaders, those that we look up to, those that have more loyalty, those that are more profitable over time, those that have great cultures, they all do it backwards.

They think, act and communicate starting with why first. They tell you why they exist. They tell you the vision of the world that they have. They tell you the human reason that they’re doing the work that they’re doing. And, as human beings, we naturally respond to that feeling. We are more loyal. We are drawn to these organizations or these people who have common values and beliefs to us.

And so, it’s not that we’re necessarily drawn to everybody or every organization that articulates why they do what they do. We’re drawn to the ones that share common values and beliefs with us. And so, that’s really the key. That’s where loyalty and trust and relationship comes in. And the opportunity that we have is to shift our thinking, shift our communication, and shift our cultures to be more why-based. And as a result, see more success financially, see more loyalty and more growth rather than having those things be the goal which is really not that inspiring to anybody.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Thank you. So, now, could you maybe give us a couple examples of a why that you’re not talking about profit, shareholder value, market share from an organization perspective, nor are you talking about just making a ton of cash, money, as an individual’s perspective? So, could you maybe give us a couple of examples, articulations of, “Oh, here’s what I mean by a why”?

David Mead
Sure. So, first of all, before I give you those, just to the point you made, there’s nothing wrong with all those things. There’s nothing wrong with growth or nothing wrong with making a ton of money. I think the challenge comes in or the danger comes in when we place an unbalanced amount of focus on those things because, ultimately, that’s not what drives fulfillment and meaning which is what we, as human beings, ultimately seek.

So, I’ll give you an example of an organization’s why and then I’ll give you an example of an individual’s why or I’ll use my own. So, an example that we like to use a lot is Lego because everybody knows Lego. Right there, a pretty popular brand, and they happen to be the most profitable, excuse me, toy company on the planet, and I don’t think that’s an accident. I think it’s because they have learned to be very clear about why they do what they do. They weren’t always that clear historically.

And it’s funny, as they sort of – if you follow their history, as they have been more aligned with why they do what they do, they’ve done better. And as if they worried more about, “Let’s just beat the competition. Let’s come out with all these different products because our competitors are doing the same thing,” when they compete on what and how their profitability goes down, loyalty goes down, so it was really interesting to see what has happened just with Lego. But Lego’s why, essentially, is everything they do is to inspire and develop the builders of tomorrow.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

David Mead
So, in their why – and this is true for any individual or any organization – we have no idea what the product or service is. For an individual, we should not know what you do for a living by your why. Essentially, we don’t want any “whats” in the why. Those have their place but they’re just not supposed to be in the why. So, that’s an example of an organization’s why.

I’ll give you another one just for a little added flavor here. I’ll give you the why of our organization. Let’s start with why. In everything that we do is to inspire people to do the things that inspire them so that, together, we can change our world.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

David Mead
On an individual example, again I’ll use my own. My why, the way that I articulate it, is to propel people forward so that they can make their mark on the world. So, what that means for me is every day, no matter what situation I show up, whether it’s at work, or at home, or with my friends, or in the community, at church, wherever I am, if I can just help propel people forward, help them take that one extra step forward so that they can be a little better than they were before, so they can go on to do the amazing things they’re meant to do in the world, that’s what really fills me up and inspires me.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And so, then, you laid out some of the benefits in terms of zeroing in on your why. That’s so meta, why does the why matter? So, in terms of inspiring organizations, leaders, and then also just tends to lead to the great sort of, I guess, immediate financial or more short-term type results like profits and whatnot in the case of Lego there. So, I guess I’m intrigued then.

Now the book is called Finding Your Why. How does one arrive at that why statements? And could you sort of walk us through a bit of the process? And maybe even before we do that, say, how do you know when you’ve hit it? It’s like, “That’s it,” versus, “That’s not it.”

David Mead
That’s a great question. The why is a feeling. It is a belief. It is something that is borne from inside of us. I’ll explain that a little bit more when I explain the process. But to your question of, “How do you know that that’s it?” Essentially, it feels right, and so you come up with this why statement, and even though the words might not be perfect at first because we’re kind of dealing with sort of imperfect medium of language to describe a feeling that we have or a belief or a driving force in our lives, and language is a tough thing to use to describe that feeling, but essentially when you look at that why statement it should feel like, “Yeah, that’s me.”

And what we find is a lot of times when we help individuals specifically find their own why, it’s not like it’s a huge revelation where they’ve got fireworks going off and it’s this whole like, “Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe it. I never even thought that this was it.” It’s more of a, “Oh, yeah, like that’s me.” That’s now just put into words, right? And it shouldn’t be a huge surprise for an organization or for an individual because a why is not something aspirational, it’s not something that we hope to become someday. It’s borne from who we are.

And so, when we help individuals or organizations discover their why it’s really a discovery process of looking to their past and pinpointing specific experiences, stories, events that have been particularly significant, that have really stuck out in their minds for all the right reasons, right? “This is a time where we’ve been proud to work for this organization,” or, “This is an experience that I had that really helped me, that made me feel like I was doing something meaningful and it really filled me up. It was really fulfilling for me.”

And so, again, in both cases, organizationally or individually, it’s through storytelling of the specific times when we have felt at our best, when we felt like we’ve been doing the things that we’re meant to do or that we’ve been acting in ways that really represent who we are at our natural best. And then we look for the patterns, or the themes, the things that keep coming up over and over and over again in each of those stories, and that sort of begins to put together what we call the golden thread, the thing, the commonality the thing that ties all of those stories together.

And, essentially, what we’re looking for is in each of these stories, “What is the overall contribution? What is it that we give? What is the piece of ourselves or the piece of our organization that we contribute to the world? And as a result of that contribution, what’s the impact? What happens when we show up and we make that contribution?”

And so, you’ll notice, just comparing back to my own why statement, to propel people forward is my contribution, that’s what I can show up and have control over so that people can make their mark on the world. That’s the impact. So, when I show up and I make that contribution of propelling people forward, of helping them with the knowledge that I have, or the experience that I’ve gained, or I can help coach them through something so they can be a little better than they were yesterday, the impact of that is that they can then go on with that knowledge or that experience or that encouragement or inspiration, from me hopefully, and make their mark on the world. That’s the impact of the why.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. That’s cool. And so, I guess I’m curious then, in terms of if it’s down there, it’s just a matter of sort of discovering it as opposed to inventing it. I know it’s a turn of phrase you use which I think is a nice distinction there. So, if it’s down there and you’re discovering it, kind of once you have it articulated, what changes or transforms for people or organizations? Just like, “Oh, yeah, that’s it. Now we are consciously aware that that is the articulation.” Sort of how is life or organizations different afterwards?

David Mead
Sure. So, I think a big part of a why discovery is, obviously first, articulating it and figuring out what it is, and that is just the first step. A couple of follow-on things to that that can really help you to bring that why to life or to sort of make it actionable within the organization or on an individual basis as well is to articulate your hows. And during the process of the why discovery there’s a lot of output, there’s a lot of themes and patterns and words and phrases and things that are really meaningful and important that pop out.

And a couple of those ideas, the ones that are sort of the overarching, you know, seem to be the biggest things, the ones that we love the most or the things that really resonate with us the most, that seem to sort of encapsulate everything else are what ends up in the why statement. The rest of those themes don’t go away. Those become really candidates for our hows which are more the sort of day-to-day behaviors and actions and guiding principles that direct our behavior every day, that when we live in those ways, when we operate in those ways, either individually or as an organization, that’s what allows us to bring that why, that contribution of impact to life.

And so, I think for a person or an organization who is really interested in applying this and making it actionable, it’s really important to articulate those hows as well. And so, every decision that you make, every strategy that you plan, every partner that you partner with, every person that you hire, every job that you look at taking is going to, then, flow through the filter of your why and your hows, “If I move forward with this opportunity, is it going to allow me to live my why? Am I going to be able to behave according to my guiding principles?”

I’ll give you a sort of an example. Like if one of my hows were to “do it together,” I need to have a team around me, and a company calls me up, and they say, “David, we’d love to have you put together a training curriculum throughout the next 12 months, a series of four workshops where you’re going to put all of our middle managers through this leadership training. We’re going to lock you up in a room for six weeks, and at the end of it, I want you to come out with a perfectly-articulated plan of how this is going to happen.”

I know right then, because one of my hows – I’m postulating, this is not one of my hows but this is just an example – one of my hows is “do it together” which means I need to have a team around me. I can’t work well alone. I know that that opportunity is going to turn out badly for me. And so, I can use that as a filter that I know that if this seems like a great opportunity and this organization seems like one that we share common values and beliefs, they’re going in the right direction, I believe in what they’re doing.

I might just simply say, “You know what, I work much better when I have a team of people to bounce my ideas off of or gain some other insight from. Are there a couple of other people that I could have access to that could help me understand the inner workings of the organization and who these middle managers are and what they need and all this kind of other stuff?” If I can have those people around me and I can do it together then we’re going to end up with a much better result at the end than if I have to do it on my own.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I’m with you there and so that’s great, having gone through that process, you’ve zeroed in on it. And so, I’m thinking as you engaged in these questions, you’re zeroing in on experiences that you’re proud of and that are meaningful to you as opposed to – is this fair to say – just experiences that you thought were just a ton of fun, like, “That was really cool.” You’re saying, like, “What kind of like emotion feeling are we targeting where we look at these experiences?” When you say meaningful, does that also like that’s really fun? Or kind of what’s in scope and out of scope for why leading experience reflecting?

David Mead
That’s a great question. And I would say no story is a wrong story necessarily but I like the sort of the fine point that you put on this which is we’re looking for events and stories and experience that have some sort of lasting significance. And so, it’s not like, “Oh, my gosh, I rode the biggest rollercoaster in the world, and it was a total rush. That was so much fun.” Like that’s great but it didn’t really mean anything.

So, we’re looking for things, experiences where you have learned something that was really valuable too in your life, and these don’t have to be huge monumental things like you won first prize in whatever. They can be the tiniest little thing, like you stopped by the side of the road and helped an older guy change a flat tire and you had a bonding moment with that person.

Like it can be seemingly really insignificant things, but as long as you took something away from it, and you learned something, or it impacted you in some way, helped you see the world in a different way, or sort of helped you consider your role in life in a little different way, something that just sort of you’ve kept with you and taken something from or learned something from. Does that make sense?

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I’m with you. And I think, maybe, to make it come to life all the more, I’d love it if you could spend, oh, three, four, five minutes of you just doing what you do in terms of if we are kind of dialogue partners and you’re helping me get to my why, what would you ask me? And maybe we’ll just do that live real time. I’ll give you some responses and you’ll do some follow-ups and we’ll kind of get a flavor for how this unfolds.

David Mead
Sure. So, I mean, in three, four, five minutes we’re not going to get to your why but I’ll give you an essence of kind of what the process looks like. So, I would just ask you to start out by telling me an experience in your life that has been significant or meaningful to you.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Sure thing. I’ll say coordinating the speed dating event at church just because I got an email about that this morning. It reminded me, I’m like, “Oh, yeah, that was pretty awesome.”

David Mead
Cool. All right. Tell me more about that.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it was really cool. We had a 152 people each year that goes down and I’ve met some cool folks myself in terms of friends and girlfriends at the event myself, and there’d been a number of people who have gotten married as a result of having met each other there, and it was just really cool to just see an event come together and go live as well as just like the beautiful clockwork of blow the whistle and everyone rotates in just like an elegant system.

David Mead
Interesting imagery of a beautiful clockwork, and I’m curious. It seems like that’s part of the story that you really love. Talk more about that. What’s so amazing or so beautiful about that for you?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, you just put so much time and effort into the thing and then it’s alive, you know. And then it’s a little bit chaotic, like, “What’s going on? Where am I going? Is this the right table? Where actually am I going?” And then it’s just a cool, efficiency in terms of, “Okay, three minutes.” The whistle blows and everyone moves in the direction, coordination, and it’s like in that moment, it’s like, “All right. You know, 76 pairs of people are getting acquainted all at once, and then it happens repeatedly again and then again.” And it’s just really cool to watch as it unfolds.

David Mead
Is this the first, this one that you’re talking about, is this the first event like this that you’ve put on?

Pete Mockaitis
No, I’ve put on a number of like leadership conferences and retreats, and so there’d been several events.

David Mead
Okay. So, I’m interested because you could’ve told me about anyone of those but you chose this particular speed dating event. Tell me what it is about this particular event that really sticks out in your mind if you had to pick one thing.

Pete Mockaitis
I think it’s that there’s just so many people I care about in one place at one time whether they’re volunteers or buddies looking for romance. It’s like, “Hey, I know you people, and good luck. It’s fun creating this with you.”

David Mead
You used the word create. What do you feel like you’re creating?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I would say it’s an experience, it’s some moments that are just a ton of fun in terms of whether folks find their spouse or not, it’s like that was great. I got plugged into meeting a lot of really great people that I’ll likely remain in touch with. And we’re just having just kind of like a magical few hours in terms of people and food and beverage and enjoyment.

David Mead
And, again, curious on that, the word magical. If you had to describe, what is magical about that?

Pete Mockaitis
It’s exhilarating and fun in a way that it’s stimulating on numerous human dimensions at once, you know, I guess emotionally, intellectually, relationally, food and beverage in the belly. It’s enjoyable on multiple sides of your human experience all at the same time.

David Mead
Sure. And if you had to sort of zero in on, what’s the part that you feel like you played? What was the thing that you gave of yourself? What did you contribute in that?

Pete Mockaitis
I thought I brought like a coordinating mastermind type element. It’s like, “These are how all the pieces of the system and processes are going to work from the signup to the table placement, to the software that then does the matching and the email notifications. It was fun to kind of tie all of these things together in a cool combination that worked.

David Mead
And because of this contribution that you made, this coordinating, this arranging, this orchestrating that you took care of, what was the result of that? What do you think you made possible for people?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I think that, well, for some people it is their spouse, you know, it’s the person they’re married to right now, and their whole family life, so that’s just so exciting. Like, “There you are.” For others it was kind of introduction to a cool community, it’s like, “I like these guys. These will be my friends now.” And so, kind of the main place they find fellowship, camaraderie, good times, and then just maybe even on a small scale, just folks and all the feedback forms, saying, “This was a fantastic night. Thank you.”

David Mead
Yeah, and you said that you just received an email – was it this morning – about this event?

Pete Mockaitis
That’s right. They said, “Oh, hey, Pete. You know we’re putting this together. We need…” So, I’m not as directly involved now, “We need all of your quick tips and tricks and documents. Hook it up.”

David Mead
Yeah. And, I mean, do you see the result of these people who some of them have gotten married, others maybe not, but you said that you keep in touch with all of these people, or a lot of these people. Do you any or are there any specific people that stick out from this one event that the impact of what happened for them, whether marriage or something else, really just inspires you or really fulfills you, and you thought, “Man, if for nothing else, that was worth it”?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, yeah, I’m thinking about Megan, my friend, who did meet her spouse there, and I think I just remember how we were talking and it seemed like, for no good reason, she’s a great gal. It seems like she’s having some trouble meeting a good dude, and at the same time the event sort of fills out so quickly for women more so than men. That’s a whole another conversation.

And so, it was cool that it was through a volunteer capacity where one was bartending, the other was participating that they got to make a connection there. So, I just thought that was pretty cool, that here’s someone I know and then there’s value kind of flowing not just if you’re a participant but also as a volunteer. It’s like you’re a part of what it can be.

David Mead
That’s great. So, just pausing for a minute, I think at this point I’ve taken down just a bunch of notes on a little sticky pad, but if we were continuing this process, we would go on to another story and I would just say, “Hey, Pete, go ahead and tell me another time in your life when you felt fulfilled or when you’ve done something that was really significant or meaningful for you.”

And what I would watch for is any of the same type of themes or words or ideas or phrases that would’ve come up in these first stories. So, if you’re curious, I’m happy to share some of the things that I jotted down.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, sure. Thanks.

David Mead
So, I wrote a thing. You know, in the process when we talk about how to take somebody through it, when you hear these stories there are two components of the story. There’s sort of the logistic of it, like what happened, when it was, how many people were there, all that kind of stuff. And then we separate those from the feelings, the emotions, the meaning behind the story, and so keeping those sort of separated out, helps us as we’re filtering through three, four, five, six different stories that somebody might tell. We can go back and we have one section that’s just for the meanings and the emotions and so we don’t have to filter through and look through all the logistical stuff at the same time.

So, I separated those things out a little bit. I’ll focus more on the meaning and the significance part. But some of the things that I jotted down were creating a moment, and I love that, which is what you said. This idea of bringing people together, of connection, relationship, coordinating, arranging, orchestrating, giving people a sense of belonging, fellowship. And so, again, just a couple of those things that I would want to watch for as the next few stories unfold, because the idea is that your why is who you are at your best no matter where you are.

And so, you should be able to live your why at church, at work, at home, with your friends, it’s all the same. And so, this is why we want stories and experiences from every different part of your life because all those things tie together, because it doesn’t matter where you are because we are who we are wherever we are.

Pete Mockaitis
Right on. Well, thank you. Well, yeah, that’s fun. Cool. And so, then, so you got those course on StartWithWhy.com.

David Mead
Yup, that’s right.

Pete Mockaitis
And so, how’s that go down?

David Mead
So if you go to StartWithWhy.com there’s an online course which is in the very final stages of being revamped. And so, basically, Peter and I, who co-authored Find Your Why with Simon, basically guide you through with videos and online exercises to take you through this process of discovering your personal why.

So, the online course is right now mainly designed for individuals, also entrepreneurs, solopreneurs as well, not so much yet designed for businesses. That’s where Find Your Why the book comes in. And we have at least half of that book dedicated to teams and organizations to discover their why.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And so, then, it sounds like you’re going to want to have a partner engaged in the why discovery course in order to really make it pop.

David Mead
Absolutely. We’ve had a lot of people in the past try to do it themselves, and they think, “Ah, I got this. I can figure it out.” But it’s sort of like, I mean, this is why we have to go to therapy, right? We cannot analyze ourselves. And so, it’s really, really difficult, I would say impossible, for an individual to identify their own themes and patterns, and it’s very important to have that third party sort of outside perspective.

And one of the kind of fun things that I do when I do an individual discovery with somebody is, before I sort of repeat back to them after they’re done telling me all their stories, before I read back, repeat back to them any of the themes or the patterns that I’ve noticed, I ask them, especially if there are some that are really, really strong, I say, “Do you see any of the patterns that keep coming up over and over in these stories?” and, usually, they say, “No, not really. They all seem pretty disparate and separate to me.”

And then I lay out what their themes are, and I point back to each story that those came from, and they’re like, “Oh, my gosh, you’re right. Like I never would’ve seen them myself.” And so, having a partner, or in an organization’s case, having a facilitator, preferably from the outside if you can do it, who does not have that – the biases and the sort of preconceived notions and the things that make us subjective versus objective – is really, really important.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. That’s good. Well, so then, thanks for making that all the more real now. And so, I want to get your take, then, so the show is for professionals and we got folks in different workplaces. So, how does one individual’s why kind of interplay or map to the workplace or the team or the company in terms of like how do those jive together? Maybe sometimes they don’t. Like how do we think about those interplaying?

David Mead
Yeah, so the idea is that our individual why will align with and contribute to the why of the organization that we work for. Now, most organizations don’t have a clearly-articulated why and so that becomes a little tough. However, a lot of us work in places that we love our jobs, we love to go to work, it’s a great culture, it feels great, we love the people that we work with, we enjoy our jobs, and so the culture and the feeling is there, even though the words aren’t necessarily clearly articulated and put on the wall in the form of a why.

So as long as we’re in an environment where we feel comfortable, where we feel like we’re doing meaningful work, our own individual why can still play into that because if you think about it, really, anybody’s why is about the contribution and the impact that we make on the lives of people. And so, we have the opportunity to show up and be that person for our colleagues, for our team members, for our customers, for our partners, for our vendors, and so there’s nothing really keeping us from living our own personal why even if the organization doesn’t have a clearly-articulated one.

Where the beauty is, and where really the inspiration and fulfillment comes in, is when our organizations do have a clearly-articulated why, and we can see how our own why really feeds in and contributes directly to that bigger picture of the organization, and that just gives us that extra drive to get to work and to help this organization achieve this great vision.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. I like that. Well, now I’m kind of going back and forth in terms of they all have the common ingredients of are all contributions so that an impact is created. So, then, I guess I’m wondering, just how diverse or varied can why statements be? Could you maybe give us, I don’t know, three more quick individual examples so I could see, “Oh, I see how they’re the same and yet different”?

David Mead
Sure. So, let me see if I can pull out a couple. Are you talking about individual or organization examples?

Pete Mockaitis
Let’s go individual, yeah.

David Mead
Okay. So, I’ll give you a couple, the why statements of a couple of people on our team. One is to support and encourage others so that they can revel in who they are, and that one is really around just helping people find the beauty in themselves and reveling in that, so that’s one. Another one is to help people connect in meaningful ways so that we could live in a more fulfilled world.

And so, you’ll notice, I mean, the pattern, the commonality among everybody’s why is that it is, in some way, in service to somebody else. It’s our way of helping other people. And, you know, you talk to so many people and they say, “Oh, I feel so good when I help other people. My why is to help others.” You’re right, it is, but the power of going through an exercise like this is that we can get into a more detailed articulation of what your version of help means, right?

So, when I help somebody, I might do it in a little different way than you do it. Our whys will be slightly different even though, ultimately, they’re both about helping other people but it’s just the way that we articulate them that can make them really authentic and feel genuine to us.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Thank you. Well, David, tell me, is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

David Mead
Again, if anybody is interested in learning more about this StartWithWhy.com is a great place to go. We’ve got links to Simon’s TED Talk if you haven’t seen it, a lot of other free resources, and you can Google Simon Sinek, you’ll find endless pages of videos and talks and that kind of stuff which is all great.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, cool. Thank you. Well, now, could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

David Mead
Yes, I have a few but one that pops to mind, and I actually have it on my desk, and it feels a little bit of a cop-out, but it’s a Simon quote, but it ties directly to what we’ve been talking about here, which is, “If you’re a different person at work than you are at home, then in one of those two places you’re lying.” The idea behind that is we should be who we are at our natural best everywhere that we are, and that includes being who we are at work and who we are at home, and we should not be two different people in both of those places.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Thank you. And how about a favorite book?

David Mead
I love, love, love, and again, call it a cop-out if you want, but Leaders Eat Last, Simon’s second book, is so incredibly good. Like I don’t know what not to underline. So, from a leadership book perspective, I think that is one of the most influential and impactful books that I have ever read.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Thank you. And how about a favorite tool, something that helps you be awesome at your job?

David Mead
Can I give you a habit?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, let’s take it.

David Mead
Yeah, so a habit that I have is every time right before I get on stage to do a talk or a workshop or something, I remind myself that I’m there to give. And so, I say to myself out loud, “Show up to give.” And it puts me in a mindset of, essentially, I’m getting out on that stage, I’m putting my arms around all those people and I’m giving them the knowledge or the experience or the things that I’ve learned, and I’m not there to get paid – of course, I do get paid – but that’s not what’s going on in my mind.

I’m not thinking about, “Well, jeez, I hope they like it so that they hire me again or they can refer me to somebody else,” or, “Who am I going to meet here that can be influential in my career?” I don’t think about any of that stuff. I just put myself in the mindset of show up to give, and that is a habit that has served me very well, and just keeps my head in the right place.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thanks. And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

David Mead
I think, again, it ties to what we’ve been talking about here, about whether you go through the online course or the book or something completely different or nothing at all, at least think to yourself and consider, “Why do you actually get out of bed every day?” And if you really want to be awesome at your job there’s got to be passion, there’s got to be drive, there’s got to be love there.

Human beings are not inspired to make a huge paycheck or to hit a number or a metric, those are all motivating things. But, like we said before, it’s like that experience of taking a rollercoaster, it’s like, “Yeah, it was fun. That was awesome,” and then it wears off. Knowing your why and living based on that and finding an organization where we can bring that to life brings lasting fulfillment, and that’s something that we all deserve to have.

It shouldn’t be like, we shouldn’t feel lucky that we love our jobs. It’s something that should be available to everybody. And so, it simply just starts with considering, “Why do we actually do this?” And if we don’t feel like what we’re doing is a good fit, what changes do we need to make? Where might we be able to go that does feel a little bit better where we can bring our best selves to work every day?

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, David, this has been a real treat. Thanks so much for sharing and questioning and getting some wheels turning both for myself and for everyone who’s listening here. So, I wish you tons of luck and keep on rocking.

David Mead
Thanks, Pete. You, too.

231: How to Stay Motivated and On Track with Ed Latimore

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Edward Latimore says: "You have to find something that motivates and moves you internally. Otherwise, you're at the mercy of the world."

Professional boxer and physics student Ed Latimore teaches how to stop caring about what other people think and stoke the fires of motivation.

You’ll Learn:

  1. How human behavior is subject to the laws of momentum
  2. How to find motivation when it seems elusive
  3. Why it’s better to focus on the process rather than the outcome

About Ed

Ed Latimore is a professional boxer, adult physics student at Duquesne University, a veteran of the United States Army National Guard, chess player, and author. Millions have learned from Ed’s insights at his blog, “The Mind and Fist” at mindandfist.com. He’s also very active on Twitter @EdLatimore.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Pete Mockaitis
Ed, thanks so much for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Edward Latimore
Hey, thank you for having me. I’m always grateful whenever someone reaches out and decides to listen to me talk for 45 minutes or an hour, so. You know, I never listen to myself on these podcasts because I’ve been listening to my voice for 33 years now, and I certainly don’t want to voluntarily hear it played back at me. But when people seem to get value on listening to things that I come up with on the fly, so I hope you pull out some great stuff from me, man. I’m excited.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, I hope so, too. And I’m excited too. And I think we’ve got a lot of little gems to share. And so, I got a kick out of it as we were doing the research here, learning a little bit about you. And a fun fact I discovered there was that you used to be afraid of being outside during lightning and storms. Can you give us the backstory and how did you overcome this fear?

Edward Latimore
You know, I don’t really know when the fear started, but I’ll tell you what, the things that people are afraid of, a lot of times they say, “Well, what you don’t understand you fear,” something like that. I used to be obsessed, I mean, I’m still obsessed. The only thing I’d ever go to grad school for is meteorology, and I really used to be obsessed with the weather all the way back as a kid.

I guess at some point that obsession got me terrified at being outside during severe weather, specifically lightning. And I can tell you stories of when I was a kid running, and burning myself up running, tripping and falling, because when you’re in a rush you hurt yourself. Or even like I had a girlfriend once, and we were outside, and lightning came out and I ran off and left her someplace.

It was a serious thing for a while. And then what ultimately got me over it was enlisting in the military, and I don’t know if you’ve served or not, or you went to basic or anything. Well, when you go through basic, you do what they say. You don’t jump out on, you don’t want to break ranks, as they say. And there were a few times, because I did my basic training at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri, and then the weather in the Midwest, I mean, that’s plain rowdy.

And we’re marching and there’d be storms overhead, and I’d be like, “Well, I can’t break rank because I’m not going to go crazy and get in trouble.” So, I would march through there and I was getting better and better. And then we have these things during basic training called FTX, the field training exercises, three of them. For the last two, which are the longest ones, one for our overnight which I think is like a two-day march overnight, and another is a week out in the field.

Both of those were like some of the worst storms Missouri had seen. In fact, the second one broke the record for 24-hour rainfall because of how intense it was, and I was out there the whole time. And at that point, I was like, “Well, I’m still here. I’m not dead.” I know the odds of being struck by lightning but that’s why they’re called irrational fears because they go against what you rationally know.

And since then it hasn’t really bugged me, so that’s how I got over it before a long time. And it’s like a joke, people knew for like eating popcorn all the time and being afraid of lightning. Like those are my…

Pete Mockaitis
Some claims to fame. Oh, that’s good. Well, so now, you’re getting some more fame in interviews and such because you got a book out here called Not Caring What Other People Think Is A Superpower. And I love the title so much, it just resonates with me like, “Yes, I concur wholeheartedly.” So, tell us, kind of what’s the main idea behind the book and why is it important?

Edward Latimore
Well, the main idea behind the book, so a lot of people will find me, you know, I won’t even walk you through the process, maybe we’ll get there. But the main idea of where this process came from and what it built, it built a collection of essays in the areas of my life where when I went from being, because I spent a lot of my 20’s just kind of a mess and a stumper, and I’m certainly not there now, and it was a conscious decision.

And part of that decision was deciding that I no longer cared about the appearance that I was going to have. Because I think a lot of times people want to change, and it’s not always laziness. A lot of times you’d kind of become a slave to the image you create within the social circle that you run with. And I decided that no more, I was not going to be the guy that was known for drinking heavy and being crazy and blacking out. I was not going to be known as the guy who was always working on something but never finished it.

I wanted to be the guy. I wanted to be a disciplined person. I wanted to be a guy with a stable, loving relationship as opposed to running around and chasing different kinds of women as my free time. So, what I did, I made a lot of key, hard changes too, because we’re not talking like, “Okay, some gradual change.” No.

One day, after a hard day and night of drinking, I was like, “No more.” I stopped the boozing. I was like, “This girl was definitely my girl. I want to be with her.” I really devoted myself to my academic studies and my boxing. I’ve been boxing at that point. And those are really the main points in the book, is that when you decide you want to be different, you’re going to have to stop caring about the person you are now.

You’re going to have to let them go. You’re going to have to have that ego death which is analogous to an actual death and then you get reborn which is analogous to a process that doesn’t happen. But you do get reborn and you live a different life. And then sometimes I do, I look back at how I lived and how it was, and I think like, “Man, am I dead right now? Did I die doing something really stupid?”

Because my life is so different than the projection it was on that I’m so grateful, but sometimes I feel like I must be in heaven, not because things are like super great or anything. They certainly are. But because they’re so different than the trajectory I was on, and that is because I decided to make changes. And that’s what the book is about, the areas of my life where I focused on making changes that I felt were most important – changing the standards, changing how I worked, change in the relationships, change my relationship with alcohol and time, everything about that. Those are like some of the main ideas in the book I discussed.

Pete Mockaitis
And I love what you said there in terms of it’s sort of like a two-parter there. One is you said, “It doesn’t matter what other people think about me and who I am and the character I was supposed to be based on if you associate, ‘Hey, I’m a boxer, therefore I must not play chess or be into physics.’” Like those are just false assumptions. And you say you’re going to do your thing that you’re going to do, so that’s really cool.

And I dug, you know, this kind of harkens back to we had Tom Bilyeu back in episode 209 talking about your identity is hugely powerful, like who you say you are as the kind of person you are, and thusly things just flow from that. So, did you have like a particular statement in terms of, “Who I am is this”? Or is it more just sort of, “Who I am is the kind of person that does this and does not do that”?

Edward Latimore
You know, I never formalized it in any sort of way, and I don’t think most people do. What I think is that human behavior is subject to the laws of momentum. I always think in terms of physics. Human behavior is like momentum. I mean, the more you do a thing the easier it is to do the thing next time. And, pretty soon, you have a habit and it’s just on autopilot.

I think about, for example, I used to make it a point to be done with practice by like 7:00 o’clock so I could go sit on the barstool. As comical as that sounds, you think about these guys that were sitting on barstools, these old men and just drink, I know it wasn’t quite like that, but my whole day was centered around, “We got to make sure that happens.” Right?

And it’s so weird even discussing it now because that seems like such a conscious choice, like, “All right, man, you’re going to go to practice and you’re going to go drink.” But it became who I was. It became who I was to the point where I made sure I knew where I was at. Where I was living, I had like three or four friends, and on different nights in a week, like I knew who could come out, who wouldn’t. I always had a person to be with, always had a person to go to because I felt like now I’m reinforcing the image that I just come to play.

Like I’m the guy to go see if you want to go out to the bar, right? He’ll always be down. And maybe some nights I didn’t want to go but it didn’t matter because now that’s my identity, now that’s what I built, and now everything I do on a small, in a micro level, it’s going to reinforce it.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s powerful. And in a way, it’s funny because on the one hand, someone might say, “Well, that’s sort of a stupid identity. Like, why would you want that to be your identity?”

Edward Latimore
Right.

Pete Mockaitis
But on the other hand, it’s doing something for you. It’s like that is encouraging to people. It’s like, “Hey, that’s a friend that I can count on. That’s someone who’s fun. That’s someone who is interesting. That’s someone who is free,” you know.

Edward Latimore
People always forget that. Now it’s like a big meta-lesson when you are looking to try to understand a person. Every habit or every stupid choice a person makes that we see is destructive, at some point the person looked at it and went, “This is a good idea.” And they didn’t do it from a point of like, “Oh, man, let’s go be crazy and have a good story.”

Like, they did it because at some point it got them a benefit. And then when the benefit was no longer there, they’re at the point of diminishing returns or whatever, they still had to deal with the negative externalities of those choices and they forget that. And I forget that. Everyone is cool to be that guy when you’re like 19, not so much when you’re 26. But when you aren’t thinking and you just operate on habit, then you’d be surprised where you can end up.

Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. Well, so then, I’d love to hear, then, since you’ve sort of experienced both sides of things, what are some of the standards that you’ve set for yourself that have just really paid tremendous dividends in terms of because you say, “Hey, I’m the kind of person who does this”? And those activities and habits have just been tremendously beneficial and fruitful for you.

Edward Latimore
So, the big huge ones or like anyone can see, if it isn’t obvious in the conversation or when you read my book. I make sure I state it explicitly now is that I’m coming out of four years of sobriety.

Pete Mockaitis
Congratulations.

Edward Latimore
Thank you. That made a huge difference because that forced me to change. There’s like that keystone, that linchpin, right? You change that, the rest of your habits are going to fall in line with it. And that was the one thing for me. I changed that and everything else fell in line, right? It was going to the gym. I’m a pro boxer, I don’t need that. It wasn’t my studies. It wasn’t dealing my friendships better, no, or my relationships. It was taking care of that, and that’s the big macro idea, like the main one, the linchpin. I changed that.

On a personal level, what has made the biggest difference, because I’m always now in this kind of… I always feel things, right? And they don’t talk about this a lot when they talk about sobriety and what to do and what you’re going to experience. But a lot of times, when you are constantly drinking, you never learn to deal with your emotions because everything is like, “Let’s celebrate, want to drink. I’m depressed, let’s drink.” Right?

“Let’s meet up with friends. Let’s drink.” “Oh, man, my friend just says some mean shit. Let’s drink.” Right? So, there’s always a response. And when I got rid of that I was not only forced to deal with my emotions in the present because I’ve always been terrible with that, but I’ve gotten so much better, thank goodness. Not only because of being forced to deal with and forced in the present, but because of the relationship I developed, and that I still have with my girlfriend now, I’ve learned to communicate and express my emotions.

I’m not like whining or anything like that but I’m very much aware of when I say or do a thing, how that thing will be perceived. Now, whether I kind of calculate what the cost benefit of listening to certain reactions is, but now I’m aware of it. Just amazing how not aware you are of things when you constantly have what I called the fog of inebriation on. When you get rid of that, you’re like, “Whoa, we’re all good.”

So, emotional communication on a personal level, and that’s helped me really deal with people better and my relationships, and on a bigger level, get rid of the alcohol. There’s no other way, shape or form around that one.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, that’s great, and congratulations on progress there, and that’s great stuff. And so, I want to hear a little bit now, I guess, in those moments where the rubber meets the road, it’s like you’ve set forth a resolution, a goal, and then the moment comes where you got to do something, whether it’s sending email to start networking for a job, or go to the gym, or make a healthy meal, or whatever it is. You say, “This time I’m going to be doing this resolution.”

And then people often fall short. So, you’ve got some champion habits and discipline and motivation. Can you walk us through, how do we tap into big motivation and kind of power through when we just don’t feel like it?

Edward Latimore
Okay. So, the thing about motivation, what’s really important is that you need to, one, get in touch with the reason you’re doing a thing, or rather the thing that makes you excited. For me it was always to be better than myself or my old self. I always like learning and mastering a new skill. I mean, that’s why I got into boxing and that’s why I’m studying physics of all things I could study, right? Because I want to see, “Am I good enough to do it?” And that’s, for me, personally.

Some people are excited about money. Some people are excited about attention. Some people are about making someone jealous. You know, get away from the good and bad, just think about what makes you act. And we can use that as kind of the emotional coal in the furnace of action, right? And that’s really important.

In terms of making things happen after that, the consistency, you kind of have to separate yourself from yourself. You got to look and go, “Okay, if we’re going to like run every day for three miles because we’re training for a 5K,” and that’s miserable. It is not going to be enjoyable especially if you don’t do that every day, and that initial pain will kind of make you want to shy away.

Well, first thing you got to remember, you really want to look good. Let’s say that’s your need, you want to look good with your shirt off. So, that’s like what’s going to get you out there. What’s going to keep you coming back after the pain, after all the hurt, is you’ve separated yourself and you said, “Okay, that guy, that person I was, who maybe did not look good with this shirt off, I’m not going to be him and I’m just going to keep chipping away, chipping away, chipping away.” And that comes with a time perspective. There’s other things that go into it, you’ve got to remember some things take a long time.

A lot of people will get so fixated on this idea of instant gratification or things coming quickly that it just derails them and eats them away when they see that, like, “Oh, I’ve been running for a week and I still can’t see my abs.” Well, no, you just keep at it. And what it’ll keep running along with that motivation, measuring little tiny improvements. If you can get a little quick success, I wish I could remember where I read this because I tried to Google it, so it makes me think maybe I made it up, but it sounds reasonable.

One of the reasons why children stick with piano, or apparently more children stick with piano than the violin. Why? Because it’s a lot easier to make the piano sound good. You grab a quick success, and you’re like, “If I’ve done that I can get some more successes.” And I’ve tried to learn to play the violin. Man, that is not cool on your neck, right?

It takes a long time to make the violin sound good, much longer than it takes to make the piano sound good. So, if I’m a kid, and I’m going to get excited, I’m going to be drawn to the piano, not because it’s easier, don’t focus on that, “I’m going to stay with the piano because I got a quick win. I immediately saw the results of my efforts.”

So, no matter what goal you’re trying to get towards, whatever thing you’re trying to improve, whatever you want to make, the rubber meets the road, you got to break it up into these little measurable points, little goal points. I mean, . . . “Okay, I see it’s working and I see it’s getting me a little closer. Now I’m not so discouraged.”

Because when people decide college is the worst, not at the beginning, not at the end, it is that middle where you’re too far long to see, that you’re too far long to quit but you’re not far enough along to see the end yet, so you got to have something to measure your goals and something to drive you along and to keep measuring them.

Pete Mockaitis
And I really like the way you really kind of kick it up a notch there when you talked about identity and standards, when you say, “I’m not going to be that guy who’s fat,” or whatever, instead of going to be this. And so, you’ve sort of taken identity and to put like the anti-identity on it, like, “I’m not going to be that. Instead I’m going to be this.” And you want to get a measurable improvement so you kind of build that motivation and keep it going and flowing.

And you’re right, I think it’s tricky there to merely think clearly about how are we going to measure the progress because it’s like, “I still can’t see my six pack. I still can’t see my six pack. I still can’t see my six pack,” isn’t really encouraging. But if you could say, “You know what, last time, when I ran one kilometer in this 5K training,” to use the metric system, “I was dead and gassed and fell to the floor.” I don’t know. “Whereas this time I was okay and I felt like I could go another half kilometer and it was all right.” And so that’s something. You can count it and celebrate it.

Edward Latimore
Not only that like maybe one day you go, “Oh, man, I got to use another hole in my belt.”

Pete Mockaitis
There you go.

Edward Latimore
“Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I’ve improved.” So little ways you can see the improvement, because everyone starts out fired up. I think people kind of lie to themselves about what fires them up because it sounds better, it sounds politically correct. No one wants to say, “I want to look better so I can make someone jealous.” Look, man, if that’s why you want to look good, that is all fine by me because the benefit you’re going to receive is going to outweigh any type of negative.

It will eventually, or I hope anyhow, you’ll get past that. But once you have the motivation fired up to keep that going, yeah, you’re going to measure the goals. And those little goals, it’s like throwing another coal in the fire, throwing another coal so it burns long enough to keep you moving along.

Pete Mockaitis
And I like what you said in terms of you got to tap into the thing that makes you excited. And I think part of – as I reflect on my own failures – the challenge there is sometimes you tap into something that get you kind of excited, it’s like, “Oh, that’d be sort of nice, yeah.” The metaphor I liked, we talked about the coal in the fire, it’s not really like inflamed, you know. It’s not like full strength, so, maybe you could give us some guidance here. How do you know if you’ve zeroed in on it? Like we talked about making somebody jealous. I mean, in a way that has its own risks because you might do all the stuff and then they don’t care.

Edward Latimore
And then you’re like, “What happened?”

Pete Mockaitis
Like, “Yeah, you got a great body. I still don’t care.”

Edward Latimore
“Pay attention to me!” Yeah, it didn’t happen. You know, if I was to say, “Well, how do I know I’ve zeroed in on it?” I knew that it was physics for me because my story of how I ended up studying physics, I was originally going to study math and then I enlisted into the military so I could get money for school, that’s my reason.

And as part of that training for my AIT, my Advanced Individual Training, my military occupation and specialty – boy, I’m using the acronyms and now I see why the Army has so many of them – I decided that I was going to become a 94 ALPHA. And what that required was going to something called BMET, the Basic Mechanic Electronic Theory. It’s a six-week course, class is, I think, 8:00 to 5:00 every day in Fort Lee, Virginia.

And there you learn the basics of electronics and repairing all that. And I said, “Wait a second. I think I want to be an electrical engineer.” So, I went back, I came back and I went and I studied, and I took the classes, gone into engineering and part of it is physics. And then I went and did the experiment with kinematic equations where you have to figure out where something is going to land based on just the influences of the initial velocity and the angle and gravity, and it landed where it was supposed to land.

And that fired me, I was like, “Wow, that’s like magic as silly as that sounds,” because I had this idea in my mind…

Pete Mockaitis
You know, you predicted the future. That’s exciting knowing what would happen.

Edward Latimore
Right. That’s so exciting to me and I think that’s why I like the weather as well. That’s what fired me up, I was like, “Wow, that’s like a sense of wonder. I really want to know how this works for everything goes.” And, for me, that’s what drove me. It was this sense of, “Huh, this is just cool.” And that sense of learning how things worked carried me through my physics classes.

Because if I was just in there for money, for example, I’d be like, “Oh, I got it but I’m want to be a trader or something, man. There’s more money there somehow.” Or if I was just in it, “Well, cool.” I’d be like, “Man, nobody cares about physics. Listen to me.” No, but I’m there because I like learning about the universe.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Edward Latimore
So, with that, my story and we take that to general boom, right? You got to have something that touches you deep enough to where you would do it if no one else cared, if there is no one else around, no one looking. I tell guys, when they come into boxing gym, and I say, “You make sure you have a reason you’re doing this sport that no one can take from you because you’re not going to make a lot of money, if you make any money at all. You’re going to be hurting and you’re not going to feel like coming but you’re kind of got to because the other guys are hopefully doing the same. You got to compete.”

Your friends probably won’t care. Most people won’t care. And you’re going to be looked at a certain way by society, for better or worse, that can, once again, mostly negatively, at least it was my experience, influence how you see yourself. So, what are you doing it for? Well, I did boxing because I like the mastery. I like learning the thing, and no one can take that away from me just like no one can take away that sense of wonder I have when I understand, for example, the significance of the center of mass in a binary star, or I understand why the potential of a conservative field should be zero.

You can’t take that away from me. So, you’ve got to find something that no one can take away from you, or, more importantly, no one, or to put it differently, no one can deny you. Like we were talking about that jealousy thing. Well, what if they don’t care? What are you going to do? Stop? Right? So, while it’s a great initial, put a big hunk of coal in the fire, the coal to keep is sustained that touch deep, that burn best maybe, those are the ones that no one can take out the fire. No one can take away from you.

Pete Mockaitis
I like that. I like that. And can you give us a final thought maybe on confidence in terms of you’ve entered some situations that are kind of scary, right? I’m sure you’ve overcome some fears along the way. What are your pro tips for making that happen?

Edward Latimore
You know, if you’ve got some time you take the Mithridatic method where you expose yourself to a little bit of danger over time and you build up your tolerance. If you don’t have that and you’re someone who’s probably in an area where you need to perform, or you need to protect, or you need to defend, the best thing I would tell you is to remember that the worst thing that’s going to happen in a situation is you’re going to die, right? And that sounds crazy because that’s what people are afraid of.

But when you see situations like that it puts most things in serious perspective like public speaking, for example. If the worst thing that can happen is you’re going to die and you consider the chances that you’ll die speaking, and you can really do this, you can go, “Wow, okay, so I’m not going to die for talking to these people,” you can relax and you might even laugh a little and lighten up and laugh at how silly you were.

Or you want to go talk to some like girls, if you’re freaked out about that. And remember, the worst thing that can happen is they can pull out a gun and shoot you. What are the odds of that happening though, right? You’re going to walk away from the encounter with your life and with some lessons too. So, that’s my tip for confidence, and really how I got it for lightning, too, is when I realized, “Well, I’m still here, and the odds of me disappearing or the odds of me being struck by lightning are so low that I just need to not think about it.”

And I’m not saying that’s easy. You kind of got to experience some rough tumbles for you to go, “Wow, I’m still here. It’s not going to kill me.” But that’ll be my biggest secret to confidence, is remember, the worst thing that can happen is you’re going to die.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so I like that system. So, let’s see, the worst thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to die, and then it is extremely improbable that’s going to happen so you can laugh it off, so that’s a nice little mental pattern. I guess, I’m thinking, let’s imagine that speaking example, you think, “Okay. Well, the worst thing that’s going to happen is I’m going to die. That’s not going to happen. But what’s more likely is that they’ll think I’m really stupid, and that I am not management or executive material, and I’ll stagnant in my job or get fired, and not reach my dream.”

So, I think that we can quickly recognize, “Okay, I’m not going to die but something else really bad that I don’t want to happen can happen.” So, in the mental gymnastics of that sort of, “How does Ed fight back?”

Edward Latimore
Ed remembers and Ed always focuses on the process. You tricked me into referring to myself in the third person, man. But, yeah, a lot of times what we fear, we’re going to be more concrete about like that public speaking example, and they might think, “I’m immaterial for management all of a sudden.” Well, how badly do you want to be that material? You do want to be an executive, right? And they’re going to decide you’re not worth it.

Well, here’s what you do get out of this. If you’re focused on the process not the outcome, you get a lesson, you get to learn, “How can I be better because this terrible thing happened? And I didn’t get the result I wanted but I’m learning what I can learn from this to come back.” You know, a lot of our fears and the reason we’re not confident about situations because we get so focused on the outcome and we neglect the most important part – the process.

Because, remember, this is going to blow your mind, man, because it blew mine when I thought about it real tight. You can’t control the outcome. No matter how well you prepare, crazy things happen and all your preparations could be thrown out the window. And you’d be like, “What happened? How did it go this way?” Or someone could just decide to pull power or something and override whatever the work you did, and you’re like, “Man, that’s messed up, that’s crazy, that’s corrupt.” Yeah, but that’s life.

What you can do, what you always have control is the process and how you prepare, how you learn, how you see a situation. So, if you always remember you’re going to get some kind of lesson, whether the outcome is what you wanted, if you get some kind of lesson from the process, that should quell a lot of your fears because you’re going to be focused not on achieving, which is always good to focus on, or rather achieving is always a good thing, but the process of learning so you can always improve and get better even if only by an infinitesimally small amount, it’s still better than you were before.

And so many people don’t focus on it. They get so caught up in, “Did I get it?” or, “Did I make it? Did I get a score?” Okay, yeah, I mean, those are all fine and dandy and that’s how we measure the world, but I know that, ultimately, I don’t have control over that. I only have control over what I process and what I can do. And I think, if you can remember that, then you can kind of be confident there.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. That’s good. Well, tell me, Ed, is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and talk about some of your favorite things?

Edward Latimore
You know, I just want to reiterate the process and the internal portion of any goal or any activity is so important, that’s why I stress, and some of the kids I may tutor or teach boxing stuff to, that I always stress, “Find a reason that people can’t take away, and focus on the process. These are all internal things. And you have to find something that motivates and moves you internally. Otherwise, you’re at the mercy of the world.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Perfect. Well, now, can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Edward Latimore
I don’t know any quotes in particular. But I’ll tell you what, I love listening or I love the book The Art of Learning which is like I’m not affiliated at all. It’s like years old. I don’t even know if you’ve read it. Have you ever read it?

Pete Mockaitis
Is that Josh Waitzkin?

Edward Latimore
Yeah. Yes, I love that book because he breaks down how he learns and what he learns from it in a really interesting way. He shows how his mentor and physical activities influence his emotions and vice versa, and the most motivating idea. I tell people I love that book. I love that book. You should read that book. Because if you can get any kind of control in how you think and how you react to a situation, you’ve got something to work on.

You have something to interrupt the habit. Anything. And I think that will make a person more aware of how they go about doing things. And it’s only when you become aware of something that you can start to work on it and influence it. So, yeah, I don’t remember a quote but I would say everyone should read The Art of Learning.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Thank you.

Edward Latimore
And my book, but definitely The Art of Learning.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. And how about a favorite tool, something you use often that helps you flourish?

Edward Latimore
Oh, man. Let me see, I’ve got two that immediately came to mind.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, we can use two. That’s fair.

Edward Latimore
Okay. So, note cards. You can’t see but there’s like two or three stacks of unopened, plus the ones I’m using now, while I study. That’s my favorite tool. Period. And I know it’s a little old-school. I know there’s like Trello and different apps like that where you can write it digitally. But there is something to be said about the physical connection of writing notes and going back through them later and flicking through them and just seeing that. So, yeah, note cards to learn, note cards to jot out ideas for. For posts, I put it on my site. I love note cards.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Edward Latimore
The other thing, the other tool is explaining things to people who are not necessarily from that discipline and making sure they understand it. Because if I can make someone who – because my girlfriend who does work in International Studies. If I can get her to understand that the Broglie wavelength and why physical things have a wave-like characteristic, then that means I understand it because she has no clue.

But if she goes, “Yeah, I guess I get that,” that means I did a good enough job of breaking things down. And I think that’s called the Feynman technique of explanation maybe. So, those are my two favorite tools – note cards and the Feynman technique. If it wasn’t for that, well, boxing, writing, physics, who knows where I would be. It’s helped me learn so much and I think it’s a very powerful tool for anyone who are looking to add new skills or develop or create something new in their lives.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, cool. Thank you. And how about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that makes all the difference?

Edward Latimore
I am really a big fan of waking up early, and not so early that like I’m not one of those guys that’s up at like I’m referring to Jocko Willink. But he’s always up and he flashes his watch, and I’m like, “Man, thank goodness you are protecting our country, man, because I love getting up early but I could never do it.” But I do like to beat the sun up. That’s like my goal no matter what time of year it is because I really think there’s something magical about those hours.

And I know that’s like the most unscientific thing but I really think that if you can learn to be productive when most people aren’t, you’re automatically going to just look at the world differently. If you know that you’re up at 5:00 o’clock working on maybe you want to write a book, or you want to learn a new language, or just running because you want to improve your health, and you’re out and you know that most people are asleep, that’s going to change over time how you see yourself relative to the world.

You’re going to go, “I’m a person. I’m a different. I’m willing to put the work in. I know that I can get past not only where everyone else but where I am now because I’m willing to do something that I can look around and see most people aren’t willing to do.” And that’ll give you confidence. That’s another source of confidence.

Pete Mockaitis
And, tell me, is there a particular nugget or piece that you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks? They retweet you, they quote you, they start taking notes when you say it.

Edward Latimore
My most popular tweet is something I just said just combining my life experience and making a joke, but I guess it was a good point. And I always tell people, because the crackheads will work four days straight to get enough money to get high. And if a crackhead is willing to put that kind of effort in, how are you working on your goals? What are you working towards? Do you want to get outworked by a crackhead?

And I was just joking but that turned in, and it’s really blown up. And I guess it is true. What I did is put it in a different way than people were expecting and, “Don’t get outworked by a crackhead.”

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I could see why it’s re-tweeted because it’s just so original. I cannot conceive of a quote I’ve heard that’s similar. I guess there’s that ancient, what is it, a riddle, or allegory or an illustrative tale. A fable, that’s what I’m looking for. The word is fable. About the guy who puts the person’s head in the sea, and then says, “What did you want?” “I wanted to breathe.” “Oh. Well, then, you’ve got to want your goals that bad.” Well, I mean, you stated it much more succinctly and delightfully so I’m going to go with the crackhead instead of the breathing underwater fable.

Edward Latimore
Don’t get outworked by a crackhead. And you know what’s funny, I’ll tell you about where I came from. You know, I grew up in the projects, and I remember one day we were out, it was like 9:00 in the morning, I was like nine, maybe ten. And we were on our way to the bus stop, me and my sister and my mom, and there were these two junkies.

I remember they came scuttering by, and my mom said, “Yeah, I haven’t seen these ones. They’ve been out for like three to four days straight chasing that rock.” And that always stuck with me for years. And so, one day I just combined that to some hard work, and really, yeah, people get the idea, “Don’t get outworked by a crackhead.”

Pete Mockaitis
Right. Thank you. Well, Ed, if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Edward Latimore
Definitely my website www.EdLatimore.com, and my Twitter handle EdLatimore. Those are where I’m most active.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Edward Latimore
Yeah, there’s probably something you’re putting off right now. I’m speaking loud like I’m talking to a group of people, I just realized. But, yeah, there’s probably something that you’re putting off right now that you know will make a difference. And usually the more you put it off the bigger difference it’ll make. So, whatever you’re putting off, look at it and then go, “Okay, I’m going to go and get this done. Whatever it is.”

It might be something personal, it might be something business, but whatever it is, do it and see how your life improves. Maybe it improves by a bigger margin than you thought, maybe by less. But the point is, now it is done and you’re able to look at it, and go, “I did that.” And that builds confidence. We keep going back to that confidence idea. That builds confidence that you can get things done, and that you’re not a slave to procrastination.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome. Well, Ed, this has been a whole lot of fun and insightful and enjoyable, so thank you for taking this time, and I wish you tons of luck in boxing, in physics, in chess and all the stuff you do.

Edward Latimore
All right. Hey, thank you for having me, man. I really appreciate it and very grateful, like I said, for anyone who takes the time to listen to me ramble about some of my ideas.

219: Making the Most out of Your Workplace Anger with Marlene Chism

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Marlene Chism says: "Anger is energy... that wants to go somewhere."

Marlene Chism shares how to master resentment and frustration…along with best practices for channeling the the energy of anger.

You’ll Learn:

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  2. The valuable message and energy embedded within anger
  3. The “Release Resistance” process to better handle anger

About Marlene

Marlene Chism is a consultant and international speaker whose personal passion is to help people discover, develop and deliver their gifts to the world She’s the author of “No Drama Leadership,” “Stop Workplace Drama” and more. Marlene delivers her message on stopping drama and creating enlightened leaders through corporate retreats and client work, as well as at association meetings, universities, and other speaking engagements.

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199: Supercharging Your Productivity with Erik Fisher

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Erik Fisher says: "Productivity has way more to do with energy management than time management."

Productivity podcaster Erik Fisher shares how to optimally manage your energy throughout the day to improve productivity while avoiding overloads and burn-outs.

You’ll Learn:

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About Erik

Erik is a Productivity Author, Podcaster, Speaker and Coach. He talks with real people who practically implement productivity strategies in their professional and personal lives. You’ll be refreshed and inspired after hearing how others fail and succeed at daily productivity and continue to lead successful and meaningful lives.

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186: The Practices of High-Performing Employees with Dr. Clint Longenecker

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Clint Longenecker says: "High-performing leaders perform the fundamentals with great effectiveness and great success more so than the rest of us."

Professor Clint Longenecker shares his research-based insights on career performance improvement.

You’ll Learn:

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About Clint

Clinton Oliver Longenecker is an award winning educator, is one of “America’s leaders in the area of rapid performance improvement” and is a Distinguished University Professor and the Director of the Center for Leadership and Organizational Excellence in The College of Business and Innovation at The University of Toledo.

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