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242: How to Handle Tough Audiences with Deirdre Breakenridge

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Deirdre Breakenridge says: "Know your audience, know the tough questions."

PR consultant Deirdre Breakenridge teaches how to handle tricky audiences, identify different audience member profiles, and deliver great presentations in tough situations.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The best approaches for understanding your audience upfront
  2. Three universal practices to command attention
  3. Handy strategies to prepare you for the tough questions

About Deirdre 

Deirdre has been in PR and marketing for 25+ years helping senior executives in midsize to large organizations communicate to their stakeholders. She is a communications strategist and has worked with clients on many different types of communications programs, including executive communications and thought leadership, image and reputation management, crisis communications, media relations, PR 2.0 and social media programs.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Deirdre Breakenridge Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Deirdre, thanks so much for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Deirdre Breakenridge

Thank you for inviting me.  I’m so happy to be here.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, I think we’re going to have a really fun one here.  And I first want to get to know a little bit more about, you started a worldwide Twitter conversation with the hashtag #PRStudChat, which I just love.  What’s the story behind this?

Deirdre Breakenridge

It’s really funny.  The name alone, I think was a conversation starter.  But the community itself, we’re over 5,000 members and we are PR professionals, educators and students, and we’ve come together because PR was changing so much through social media.  And it’s a constant conversation, but we do have Twitter chat sessions every month, and this has been going on for eight years.  But our very first Twitter chat that we had, we had gentlemen showing up saying, “We’re studs, we’re here.”  And we said stud was short for student, which was really funny.

Pete Mockaitis

That is good.  Well, I was wondering, is this something for very high performers in the world of public relations, or students, or I guess both?

Deirdre Breakenridge

It’s anybody and everyone who wants to understand how to communicate better on behalf of their companies, and especially students who are trying to figure out, “Is public relations right for me?”  Because just the whole profession of PR has really changed and we’re much more integrated with marketing, and we’re using technology; some exciting things going on.

Pete Mockaitis

That is good.  Cool.  And so then your company is Pure Performance Communications.  What’s your mission and purpose there?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So, it’s a consulting firm.  We’re a strategic communications consulting, and we believe in a blend of strategic comms and technology to create a better, more impactful experience for a brand’s customers.  So it’s all about the customer, the consumer, and when you fuse technology and communication together, you can definitely learn more about your audience and be able to create an experience that they’re going to enjoy, become loyal brand, I guess, advocates.  And that’s the best place that you want to be with your customers.

Pete Mockaitis

Certainly.  Cool.  Alright, so now for the topic of the day – I discovered you through your LinkedIn learning course called Handling an Unruly Audience, which is a very eye-catching name.  And so I was intrigued as to maybe what inspired you to create such a thing.  Have you had some wild encounters perhaps with an unruly audience?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So here’s the thing: I’ve always believed that teaching a course about presentations and handling tough audiences, you don’t have to be in PR or marketing; it could be any field.  And it doesn’t have to be 1,000 people where you’re on a stage; it literally could be you presenting to your team in a meeting.  So, I knew that there’s a lot of people out there, and I’m always listening to what professionals are saying.  And they wanted to know, “How do we handle tough questions?” and, “How do you get your messages across?”, “How do you handle learning about them and using the information, building champions before you start?”
So, I had been working with LinkedIn and they always ask me, “What are the topics that you think really would resonate with professionals?”  So, of course, handling unruly audiences was one of them.  Thankfully I’ve had lots of experiences with different audiences, tough questions, somewhat unruly, nothing too crazy.

Pete Mockaitis

I was wondering if you had just some terribly uncooperative audiences in your past.  And I could think of just one that leaps to mind, because it was just so satisfying.  I was doing a college keynote, and I think it was called The Four Frustrations of Student Leadership.  So, I’m talking about frustrations, and it just so happened I was being frustrated by a couple of folks in the audience, who were just flagrantly disrespectful and just talking to each other.  And usually I can silence misbehavior just by having a good look, good eye contact.  But they were barely looking at me to even give me the chance.  They were just talking to each other, kind of laughing and joking around.  And other folks around them, you could tell they were kind of irritated and uncomfortable.
And I had the sweet, blissful satisfaction of working in the speech content to be like, “Sometimes it just feels like you’re pouring your heart and soul into what you’re doing, and you’re giving it all you have, and you wish that people would care, that they would really buy in.”
And I’m just like staring directly at them and walking very close to them and just talking about how it can be frustrating when folks don’t engage when you’re giving all you have.  And it was so awesome because you could see the melting in their chairs, and everyone around was like, “Oh dang, he just did that.”  It felt so good to squash them.  But usually it’s more minor; it’s like people speak up and you look at them and then they stop and then you move on.

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yeah.  I think the tactic you used was really good.  And I use that in my course because that is one way, even though it falls under the “heckler” category.  It’s that disinterested, disruptive one participant or a group of participants, and when you kind of move close to them and either somehow target them the way that you did very quickly… And sometimes you can even give them the forum, almost like, “Oh, share” – they will stop immediately.  And I’ve done it in classrooms with my students; it just makes them kind of crawl in their seats, just sink really low.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, it’s I guess revenge.  It’s satisfying without actually doing any permanent damage, which is cool.  But maybe just back it up – even before you start a presentation and you have an audience live in front of you.  I’d love to get your take on the best approaches to go about getting a good understanding of the audience upfront.

Deirdre Breakenridge

So I think you have to ask the right questions, and you have to utilize your resources to get the answers.  So of course you want to know who they are, what are their titles or position in the company, but it’s why are they there?  Are they choosing to be there?  Is this mandatory?  Were they forced to listen to you?  What are some of their hot-button issues, critical topics?
If there’s any way, shape or form that you have access to somebody who is putting together the meeting, or a conference coordinator, you can tap into that person.  I’ve even gone as far as for training sessions with different companies, if that audience has had presenters in the past and they videotaped it, I want to watch that tape.  I want to watch how employees or groups respond to other presenters, from their body language to their questions.
Sometimes, and it depends, if there is a company blog that is open or outward-facing, if there’s a community where you think participants are actually participating in before your meeting or your conference, you can learn so much about your audience.  And I think that’s where social media is so important, because most of the conferences where I speak today, there’s always a hashtag.  And you can follow that hashtag, that aggregated conversation, where people are already sharing what they need to know and what they’re expecting.  And I think that’s where you can walk in knowing a lot more about your audience, so that you can connect to them more quickly.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s great, certainly.  So doing that upfront homework – that’s excellent.  Then I’m wondering, if you maybe already have some interaction with the individuals you’re speaking to – if it’s sort of like teammates or collaborators – are there any particular things that are worth noting and cataloguing and synthesizing about them over the long term?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So, if it’s your teammates, here’s the thing: I always say, and this kind of gets into personalities, because every group, every company, every audience, there are personalities.  So within your own company – any company that you work for – you’re going to find the gossipers, you’re going to find the complainers, you’re going to find the folks who raise the red flags but maybe don’t have the solution, you might find the folks who have to get all the credit.  You can pinpoint those personalities, because when you know them and you recognize them, you can manage them.
So there’s no difference when you’re going in front of a group – you can either somehow figure that out or spot those personalities very quickly within your audience.  And I think that’s one way to be able to kind of document and prepare.  So if it is your team, and you know the people who are on your team, you might want to think ahead about, if they’re coming into this meeting, what are they expecting, what do they want to get out of it, what are their goals and objectives, why are they sitting there?  The more that you can think about those personalities and answer some questions, you’re going to be a lot better off.

Pete Mockaitis

Excellent.  And so, are there more personality types you’d care to unpack for us?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yeah.  So, in my experience, there are always the skeptics.  Somebody will come to your presentation; you could be on stage with 100 people and you’re going to have the skeptics in the audience who pretty much just want to be recognized as folks who know more than the speaker, they have done this research, their books are better.  They want to be recognized.  So they’re going to be skeptical, no matter how many books you’ve written.  That’s just the way it is.

Pete Mockaitis

And those questions they ask… I could really picture it – it’s like, “Isn’t it true that…….”  It’s like, “Yes.”  Is that their question or are you just trying to impress everyone that you know something?  Okay.

Deirdre Breakenridge

Exactly.  You know what?  If you ever get the opportunity as a presenter… If it’s a conference, what I like to do – if it’s an audience that sits in a room the whole day where different presenters come up on stage, I’ll go early just to watch how the skeptics come out with the presenter before me.  And as soon as I see those skeptics, when I get up there, I include them in the conversation very quickly, because rather than having them shout from the rafters, “Oh, pay attention to me!  I’ve got more books, more research and I know this”, if you could pull them in and do some kind of recognition around them, they’re going to be your champion.  It changes.  And I’ve done that before.
I was at a leadership rally for a very large international organization, and I was able to pinpoint two skeptics on opposite sides of the room, and when I went up there, I involved them very quickly.  You do that in the business setting too whenever you’re trying to get something done.  Sometimes you want to include your naysayers, because it’s easier to get something pushed through at the end when the naysayers are actually there and onboard.

Pete Mockaitis

Certainly.  And when you say, “Include them”, what does that look and sound like in practice?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So sometimes that literally means you’re talking about something and you look at the person and say, “What do you think?  Can you weigh in on this?”  And that’s a golden opportunity, because you just gave them that little bit of recognition that they’re going to want anyway, and they’re actually thankful for it and nobody else knows why or who.  It almost looks like it’s random; I could have called on anybody, like, “How about you?”  It’s just a great way to be able to flip that sceptic.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s handy.  So sceptics are one personality type to be aware of and work with.  What else?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Okay, so there are hecklers; unless you actually have a heckler, you’re not welcome into the world of public speaking.  So you have to have a heckler, and then it’s like, “Oh my God, I’ve made it!”  So, the heckler is just somebody also who is disruptive, but there’s different types of hecklers.  So, we can carve that out now or we can carve it out later, but that is actually broken down into a few personalities.
And then there’s positive people too in your audience.  If you can spot… I tend to read body language, I notice people who are sitting a certain way, who are smiling, who are nodding their heads.  So they’re like the positive onlookers – you could also involve them, because chances are the way that they’re responding to you through their non-verbal cues, they want to be involved.  So, they’re somebody that you want to tap into that personality.
Key opinion leaders – that’s another really important personality.  And I remember when – I’ve talked about this during my LinkedIn course – when I went to speak to, I think it was the American Association of Chemists – scary group; I don’t know a lot about chemists and chemistry and these scientists.  But it was all about their research and communicating and trying to make their work go a lot farther.  And I remember I had the opportunity to spend the day and a lunch with them before my presentation.
And I started to notice certain people who were very vocal within other presentations in the morning, and who were very popular, and you knew that they were highly respected.  So what did I do?  I made sure that I picked one of them and I sat at his table at lunch time, not that we were building toward a relationship, but I got to know this person a little bit, asked some questions.  So that way by the time I got to present, I included and asked a question of that key opinion leader.
And by doing that – by including the key opinion leader, and this could be in any group setting – all those people who respect that person, and if you show you have a rapport, there’s some kind of chemical in your brains that all say, “Oh my gosh, she must be okay, because she’s respecting the key opinion leader.”  And then you also have to think about your vocal champions, and they’re the ones on social media that you meet, who you talk to you beforehand and they’re already championing for you.  When you get them inside the room, they’re going to cheer you on.  So those are some of the personalities.

Pete Mockaitis

I like that sort of pre-heating, if you will, that you’re doing in terms of engaging them in conversation.  And I think there’s also something too, if you can shake hands or have some sort of a physical touch that’s appropriate prior to – it just seems to make a difference, especially if there’s a stage kind of environment, sort of creating a separation.  It’s sort of like, “No, you’re not just like an image on the screen equivalent, of distance.  You’re a person.”  It’s like I’ve interacted with you and made physical contact and know that you’re real and not a robot or an image on the screen, distantly away.

Deirdre Breakenridge

Exactly.  And I was just watching Mel Robbins, one of her presentations.  The minute she got out there, she went right into the audience and she was high-fiving and touching everybody’s hands and running up and down and being a part of the audience.  So, your point about that physical something being there – that appropriate touching, of course – goes a long way.

Pete Mockaitis

Very good.  And I also want to follow up on, you mentioned you’re reading the body language.  And are there some sort of telltale indicators that you notice repeatedly, in terms of, “When I see this, it means that, and therefore I do this”?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yes.  So when I see arms crossed, I know it’s not really buying into what they’re about to hear.  So I know that I have to work a little harder to make sure these people understand, and give them a reason to buy into what I’m about to present.  And it just reminds me early on in social media – so we’re talking… Oh gosh, I was paying attention to social media, I was writing PR 2.0 back in 2006 or 2007, and I was doing some training with Michael C. Fina.
And part of their business – I don’t know if you know Michael C. Fina, but they are very well known for their business on, I think it’s still Fifth Avenue, where you can buy the china and the jewelry and the silverware.  They were a part of that show The Price Is Right when it was ever, “And you get a diamond by Michael C. Fina.”  But a big part of their business was recognition programs for Fortune 500 companies.  So my agency at the time was their agency of record for public relations, and also for advertising.  And they asked me to come in to talk to their sales professionals about social media.
And it was really interesting, because there were about 100 sales professionals, maybe 75; and the first two rows were older gentlemen, definitely in their 50s.  They sat with their arms crossed and it immediately told me that you feel like you don’t have time for social media, it is a waste of your time, and you just want to build relationships by seeing people in person, shaking hands and signing contracts.  And it was my job in that training session to make sure that they understood that they could do some really good social selling.  And by the end of the presentation, they were all very relaxed and leaning forward, and you could tell with their eye contact that they were onboard.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  And I think that is helpful, in terms of making real time adjustments if you sense that’s the vibe, then maybe it’s good to go straight there, in terms of, “Maybe you think that social media is all just a bunch of silly food images, but in fact check out this amazing case study, and that one.  There is for real money to be made here.”  Versus, if you have a bunch of folks who are already sort of gung-ho, it’s like, “Yeah, yeah, we know that, Deirdre.  We don’t really need to hear how it’s great.  We’re already onboard with it being great, so let’s get to the cool stuff here.”

Deirdre Breakenridge

Exactly.  So, knowing their expectations are also just knowing the way that… It’s habits in a sense, especially with sales professionals – they have certain preferences and habits and they’re hard to break into a new way of thinking.  So, you’re going to see a lot of body language when you have to change a mindset.

Pete Mockaitis

So the arms crossed is one.  Any other kind of key indicators you’re looking for?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yeah, I watch body language.  Sometimes it’s directly aimed at me.  The eye contact is really important, the way somebody is sitting in their chair, if their body language is more open versus the crossed arms, as we said.  But I also notice personality through body language, and confidence, and how that person is feeling about themselves.
So I do have a podcast called Women Worldwide, and we talk a lot about women and empowering women.  And I notice the body language between men and women is sometimes very different.  And the power poses that are going on within the audience – sometimes the way men are sitting with the elbow pop, where they’re also kind of spread out with their materials, where women are more tidy and neat and maybe they’re sitting in a fashion crossing their legs and arms at their sides or in front of them.  So that also tells me a lot about your personality and how you’re feeling, even as far as how you’re going to feel about the topic.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, understood.  So then, I’d love to get your take when it comes to effectively capturing attention, regardless of where folks are currently with their body language or their receptivity.  Are there any sort of universal practices you use to command attention at the beginning?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yeah, I think that the best way is to let people know that this is about them.  Some of the ways that you can do that – I do it myself whenever I do a training session.  And if it’s 15 or 20 people, the minute I start I’m like, “Selfie!  We’re going to take a picture, we’re all going to put it on social media”, because it says you’re in it together.  So that’s that instant connection, so that’s one way.
Sometimes it’s, and I’ve used this one in a larger group on stage, where you want to use something around your environment or the event to hook people in immediately.  So I remember when I was going to London to keynote the FutureComms Conference.  And I’d never been to London before; I was all excited about it.  And I remember sharing this story on stage that when I got to the airport and I was with the immigration officer, and she said, “Why are you in London”, and I said, “Well, I am keynoting the FutureComms Conference”, and she said to me, “Really?  What is the future of communications?”
So on stage when I shared, “The immigration officer asked what’s the future of communications – well, my goodness, that is such a burning question.  That made me feel really good and that’s why we’re here today.”  And the audience really appreciated the story, because it was about them, it was about the topic, and it was also about the fact that I was in London and talking to the immigration officer.

Pete Mockaitis

I’m always nervous when they ask.

Deirdre Breakenridge

I know, right?  That’s so funny.  And then there are other just quick tips.  Get your audience talking right away.  So, sometimes you’ll see the technique of, “Raise the hands”, or, “What do you think about this topic?  Please share.”  And you get two or three people to share.  And then the best part is that whatever information you can get at the beginning, don’t forget to somehow be on your feet and work that in later to bring up that person and that scenario again, which also gets everybody back on their toes, like, “Oh, she mentioned a name.  Is she going to call on me?”  So that’s another way to connect with your audience.
And I think one thing that I’ve always said in any presentation setting that gets attention is your preparation, like know your material.  The first five minutes, know your material like the back of your hand, and show your passion.  And that really, really is appreciated and noticed right away.  And if you can do that within the first five minutes, your audience will stick with you throughout your presentation.

Pete Mockaitis

I dig it.  Yes, yes.  And I also want to get your take on when it comes to, if you have some tough questions coming your way, whether they’re tough because it’s tricky, you don’t know the answer, or they’re tough because it’s clear that they dramatically disagree with you and they’re making that oh-so-clear with their body language and intonation.  How do you deal with that situation?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So sometimes for tough questions, if you have an opportunity to set the ground rules around how people are going to participate and how questions will be asked – sometimes having those guidelines and being more specific around your Q&A can really, really help you to let people know that… Not to say that tough questions won’t pop up, but if a tough question pops up, you could say, “You know what?  I don’t have that information right now, but I am going to refer you to XYZ in the company, so that you can speak to him and we’re going to deal with that offline.”  And then you could move on.
So somewhere along the lines having the guidelines really helps, because you don’t ever want to ignore the question.  So that technique that I just used that, “I’m the expert on this, but I would prefer you speak with so-and-so” or, “I can get you that later” – that really helps.
There’s always the option of when the tough question comes in and it is around your area of expertise, sometimes what I do is a repeating of the question and a restating in a way that makes it not as tough and a little bit easier for me to answer, so that I can get the right information forward and everybody’s going to understand.  If there’s any part of it that I can’t really address, then I can go to that, “Let me speak with you later offline and get you the information, the other part that you need.”
You can also at any time kind of answer, be concise… So if it’s a tough question, you know you have to answer it – just don’t open Pandora’s box.  I think sometimes when tough questions come in, people tend to go on and on and on, and it’s almost like… I do a media training course too.  Reporters will ask you a question and they hope that you just go on and on and on.  You’ve got to cut it off, because the more you say, the more you open up that box to tougher questions.  So be really concise in your answer, and that also helps with tough questioning.
And this is my last one –  if you can clarify anything through research that you’ve done, through stats and studies that you know… It’s almost like you might want to arm yourself beforehand – know your audience, know the tough questions, think about tough questions in advance, and have some things ready maybe to answer those questions.

Pete Mockaitis

Excellent.  And could you give us an example of that restating and framing the question so that it’s more manageable for you in practice?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Okay, so I was recently at a conference, and I was on stage with a client of the past who I’d worked with to rebuild his brand.  He basically violated FCPA laws and anti-bribery laws, went to prison, read my books, came out, asked me if I would help him with his messaging, his media interviews, and rebuild his brand.  And I believed him, so I did it.  And I’m glad I did because now we’re on stage together and he’s an incredible success story.
But the topic came up, the woman was talking about rebuilding a brand and it sounded like it was going to be really tough, because she started to share a personal story about how she was sexually harassed by her boss, but she was the bad guy, and it opened up this whole kind of area, a subject that’s really deep and really tough and really personal.  And I was on stage, so how do I address that, because I want her to feel comfortable?
So I restated; I said, “First of all, I want to thank you for sharing – that was very brave to share your personal story.  And I think what I’m hearing you say is that, from what you went through, you’re asking me, is it possible to rebuild if you have the damaged brand?  Would it be similar to what I did with Richard, my client?”
And she also asked this little piece of, “What do you want to say to the companies or the politicians or even Harvey Weinstein about sexual harassment?”  And I rephrased it in such a way to say, “For anyone who is dealing with that, you’re all operating in a fishbowl; you have to have transparency.”  So I kind of took what she said, structured it to make it just a little bit easier for myself and for the audience to understand, and to answer it in such a way, because it’s such a hot-button issue, so as not to have everybody screaming at each other over a topic that probably we could have talked to for hours.  Does that make sense?

Pete Mockaitis

Understood, yes.  Thank you.  Well, Deirdre, tell me – is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Well, we’ve covered so much.  I do other Lynda, LinkedIn courses.  I mentioned the media training, and I just rolled out with some marketing courses as well – go-to market planning and a marketing communications course.  And of course if anybody is interested in public relations, I have those courses too.

Pete Mockaitis

Cool.  Alright, tell us then – could you start us off with a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Deirdre Breakenridge

You know what?  My quote is one that I’ve used on stage before, and I think it kind of speaks to my journey and how I like to reinvent.  And it’s Joseph Campbell, who is an American writer and he’s known as a mythologist, and he said that, “You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path.”  And I know that kind of sounds dark, but for me, and I think what he’s trying to say, is that if you are following somebody else’s path, then you are not going to reach your full potential.  So, I’ve always tried to follow my own path, to have this open canvas, and that really helps you to reinvent yourself and move forward to tap into your true potential at all different phases of your life and your career.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  And how about a favorite book?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Oh, so I read a book back in my 20s – I think it was my late 20s – called The Four Agreements.  It’s by Don Miguel Ruiz – I think that’s his name.  It stuck with me because those agreements really teach you not to take things personally, to stand by your word, don’t make assumptions, be the best that you can be.  And I think that if you can carve out your life and be true to the four things, those four agreements, you’re going to have a much better life.  So that’s my favorite book.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh great, thank you.  And how about a favorite tool?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Okay, so Grammarly.  Doesn’t matter who you are, what you do – if you’re writing emails, if you’re writing reports, if you’re writing articles, Grammarly is really good.  You can get the free edition, but premium edition gives you a lot more benefits and is helpful.  And what I found with Grammarly, it actually teaches you to be a better writer.  So when I first started using Grammarly, it grades you and it says, “You’re 88% correct with your grammar and / or your spelling, but you need a little work.”  And now I’m like 100%.  I’m like 99-100%, which is great, because I need to be.

Pete Mockaitis

Interesting.  So it’s just checking your grammar, in terms of, is that the proper “your”?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yeah, it’s checking everything.  We’re told not to write in the passive voice, but to write in the active voice, and just being transparent, this is something that I struggled with for a long time.  And Grammarly just kicked that right out of me, which is great.

Pete Mockaitis

So the passive voice was used by you, and now no longer.

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yes.  So it has really, really helped me, so that when I write something, I’m writing in the active voice.

Pete Mockaitis

Cool.  And how about a favorite habit?

Deirdre Breakenridge

I guess it’s my, what I call “checking media headlines”.  So I’m a little addicted to all the headlines that come out on the cable stations, I have curated articles that I’m constantly checking, around my interests.  So that is definitely a habit.  On the lighter side, I do love Netflix, so that is a habit where my husband and some of our kids when they’re around, we watch Mad Men, Parks and Rec.  So yeah, that’s a habit too.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, thank you.

Deirdre Breakenridge

You’re welcome.

Pete Mockaitis

And how about, is there a particular nugget or piece that you share, a Deirdre original, that really seems to connect and resonate with folks, in terms of they’re nodding their heads, they’re taking notes, they’re Kindle book highlighting?

Deirdre Breakenridge

I always think that just “Be true to your brand” is really, really important.  And that goes to everything – who you are and what you value at every single touchpoint.  So I think that’s what I’m most passionate about as I’m educating many.  I am a professor at different universities, and as you know I speak and I do my training sessions.  So I think it’s just be true to your brand, and always listen.  Listen to people.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright.  And Deirdre, if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Deirdre Breakenridge

So I would say, check out my blog, which is my author’s website, kind of the portal to me.  That is DeirdreBreckenridge.com.  You can also check out Pure Performance, which is PurePerformanceComm.com, with two Ms.  And please, connect with me on LinkedIn or follow me on Twitter – I’m @dbreckenridge and I love to answer questions.

Pete Mockaitis

And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Deirdre Breakenridge

Yes.  I think that you all need to get out of your comfortable zone and get into your uncomfortable zone, because when you do that, you will learn and grow and excel.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright.  Well, Deirdre, thanks so much for taking this time and sharing your lessons learned and war stories.  It’s been a lot of fun.

Deirdre Breakenridge
Thank you so much.  I enjoyed our conversation.  I really appreciate the opportunity to be on your show, so thank you!

237: Crafting Memorable Stories with Dr. Carmen Simon

By | Podcasts | One Comment

 

Carmen Simon says: "As a communicator, you're a choreographer of your audience's expectations."

Carmen Simon shows how to become impossible to ignore by integrating the right components to influence our audience’s minds.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The three components of a good story
  2. Why causation in a story can be both sexy and tricky at the same time
  3. Why relatable emotions are more important than strong emotions

About Carmen 

Dr. Carmen Simon is a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Founder of Memzy. She has applied the latest neuroscience research findings to deliver workshops, design, and consulting services. Carmen is a published author and a frequent keynote speaker at conferences in the U.S., Canada, Europe and Asia. She holds doctorates in instructional technology and cognitive psychology, and uses her knowledge to offer business professionals a flashlight and a magnet: one to call attention to what’s important in a message, the other to make it stick to the audience’s brain so they can act on it. Carmen’s brain science coaching helps business professionals motivate listeners and stand out from too much sameness in the industry.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Dr. Carmen Simon Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Carmen, welcome back to the How to Be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

Carmen Simon
Thank you. Thank you so much and welcome back, everyone.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it’s so fun. There’s only been about three guests who have done, well, exactly three, I believe, who have made a repeat appearance, so welcome. It’s cool to have you in the club here.

Carmen Simon
Thank you so much. And, you know, repetition is the mother of memory so repeated exposure with yet some statements that people remember.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that is well-played. You know, Skype just informed me that your birthday is on New Year’s Day.

Carmen Simon
Oh, I wonder how it got that information. No, it’s actually equally cool birthday. I’m a Halloween baby.

Pete Mockaitis
No kidding? Well, maybe you just set said, “Forget this, Skype. I’m not telling you my birthday. I’m filling in, oh, 1-01.”

Carmen Simon
Yes, it’s relinking this with the concept of memory. False memories are very much of a cautionary topic for all of us.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I was intrigued because our baby, the due date is January 1.

Carmen Simon
Oh, there you go. Always at the crossroads for new beginnings. That’s nice.

Pete Mockaitis
So, I guess you’ll be unlikely to share a birthday with our child, but you’re still close in our hearts. It’s so sweet of you to ask for our wedding photo, and I sent you one very belatedly as well. I’ll follow with my thank you notes which is very belated.

Carmen Simon
Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you and congratulations. Once again what beautiful pictures.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thank you. And I just learned that you were once an interpreter at the UN. Can you tell us a bit about that experience, that story?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, what a great job to run the nest on. It wasn’t the Nicole Kidman type but operating in similar environments. So, at the time there was the Bosnia war going if you imagine. Remember the embargo that was placed over Bosnia, so the group that I was assigned to was constantly monitoring those borders and we would constantly do these Danube patrols and I got to work with a lot of CIA and FBI agents.

It was an intriguing part of my life. What I retained from it, speaking of memory, is that when memory is concerned, culture plays such a huge role because all of us have such different mental models through which we process our reality. So, I’m sure that all of our listeners have a different mental model as to how you use to spend your Christmases since we’re talking about Christmas before our show. And what your Christmas used to look like was very different than mine.

What’s a traditional Christmas for you, Pete?

Pete Mockaitis
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is, well, midnight mass which is actually like at 10 p.m. or so and snickerdoodle cookies.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, there you go. So, if we’re doing the show to impart with our audience some practical guidelines on how to stay on other people’s memory which is the center of my research, what I remember from my interpreter days is that it was much easier to translate and be able to stay accurate to those people’s memories the more that I understood their mental models, so to the extent that I got to be in somebody’s shoes from Germany, or somebody’s shoes from Romania, or somebody’s shoes from France. The translation and the accuracy of those memories was much sharper.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, which languages were you interpreting?

Carmen Simon
I was interpreting English and French. Now, remember my roots go back to Romania so that’s another language that would belong in there. I could play in some Italian in the good old days so those were the languages that were operated back then at the borders.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that’s impressive. To have those languages, another feather in your cap as memory expert.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, it’s very humbling because as I reflect on what makes something memorable, sensory stimulation is definitely one of the variables that you can use to stay on people’s minds. And when you translate something you can stay on the surface or you can go a little bit deeper in order to understand what you’re talking about. And I’m noticing that a lot of people forget things simply because we do stay on the surface all the time.

I’m working on some presentations with some executives just this week, and they’re asking me to create slides for them that express things like business optimization or an improved sales model. And unless you’re getting to those people’s shoes, very much like what we’re doing back then in our interpreting days for France or for England or for Germany, it’s very difficult to come up with something that is fresh and stimulating our senses.

Because if you just go to, let’s just say, stock photos and you type in sales optimization, what do you get? Yeah, you’d get those arrows pointing up and people shaking hands because a new deal has been closed. But how memorable are those?

Pete Mockaitis
Now I’m thinking of people dressed up in their business formal wear and suits just like sprinting around a racetrack. I don’t know.

Carmen Simon
Oh, they go from the racetrack to the top of the mountains, I’m sure you’ve seen those.

Pete Mockaitis
They’re not dressed right.

Carmen Simon
And a blank computer screen and just getting very excited, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, so since we last spoke you started your own company, you’ve gone solo. It’s kind of like Justin Bieber or something, out of NSYNC. You got your own company now, it’s MEMZY. And what’s MEMZY all about?

Carmen Simon
MEMZY is all about using brain science research to help organizations create memorable content. So, if somebody is reflecting on their own messages, and they’re thinking, “Boy, we’re going to have a hard time expressing this and staying on people’s minds,” then it’s very useful to look at evidence-based guidelines to see what you can do in a more precise kind of way.

Because surely you may have some techniques that you’re using right now to create something that’s memorable. But are you sure that those render dividends or is it are you using those techniques simply because they may have worked in the past?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, intriguing. Intriguing. Well, now we’re back in Episode 11, if folks want to check out the original conversation that we had, and so there might be a couple things repeated, which is just fine for memory as you’ve made clear, but I also kind of want to chart a little bit of new territory. So, I understand that you’ve got some recent research about what it is within stories that make them more memorable than perhaps other stories.

Carmen Simon
I do. I just got so tired of hearing people saying, “Stories are memorable all the time.” Like whenever people talk about memory, and you tell them, “Hey, it’s good to make something memorable,” they immediately say, “Shouldn’t you share a story?” And, of course, the intuitive answer is, “Yes, definitely share a story.” But just because you do don’t think that that story will always be memorable or always be memorable long term.

So, through the research I did just that, I invited some people to first submit a series of stories, and I asked them to complete the sentence, “I will never forget,” and then fill in the blank. And some people went on for a few paragraphs, and some people went on for longer, some people went professional, some people went personal. Where do you think most of the people went though, personal or professional?

Pete Mockaitis
I’m guessing personal.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, most of the people who submitted their stories went to a personal space, and that was intriguing to me as a finding, too, by the way, because when your audiences are going to recollect their memories and, hopefully, you’re in there somewhere, they’re going to reach for the memory that comes to their minds more easily, that comes to their minds without much effort. And our personal memories quite often are probably a lot more effortless than the professional ones to recollect.

Pete Mockaitis
Intriguing. And so, then what did you notice in terms of like the themes or patterns associated with the stories that folks will never forget?

Carmen Simon
Most of the stories had obviously some sort of an emotion or some contrast between a state versus another state where they ended up those weren’t necessarily surprising. What surprised me is when I gave these stories to various people to then read, and I asked them, “What is it that you remember from other people’s stories you see?” That’s when I wanted to see, “What’s the overlap? What’s stays in our minds from other people’s stories naturally without you trying too hard?”

So, two days later after these people read the initial stories, they received a survey that asked them, “What do you remember?” And I asked them a subsequent question, too, I said, “Now, please try a little bit harder,” exactly for this reason I’m mentioning that the brain is a cognitively lazy organ, and when we are asked a question, especially if we’re not immediately vested, which these people weren’t, we’re going to take the path of least resistance.

So, if I asked you, “What do you remember from your last day at work?” You might probably give me one or two things and not really try that hard. Is that true? Like what do you remember from your work last week?

Pete Mockaitis
Last week? It’s so funny. My temptation, talk about lazy, was to just get the mouse and move right over to the calendar and have it do the remembering for me.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, I’m not surprised. That’s what I noticed that that was one of the initial findings is that immediately, for question number two, which is where I’m asking people to, “Please try a little bit harder,” obviously those are more revealing answers than their original answer.

So, then the practical guideline that I would have for everyone listening to this is that, one, make sure that if you do have a story, it comes to your audiences’ minds easily, and then you reinforce is in some way if you want to stay there for a long period of time because those surface details are going to be gone very, very quickly. We tend to stay on the surface when recollecting things especially if the reward or if the goal for them to remember is not all that well-stated or not that strong.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it’s funny, now I’m thinking harder per your prompt. And the first thing that comes to mind is we had a podcast guest, Frances Cole Jones, and she sent an email out to her whole list which had her sporting the How to Be Awesome at Your Job podcast T-shirt, which I began sending to guests as a thank you. So, spoiler alert, Carmen.

Carmen Simon
Nice. Well, see that’s a very smart technique, by the way, because if you want to make stories more memorable, and just any other type of communication more memorable, a good way to do it is to send something that would then trigger people’s memories in some way when you’re not even in the room, so you’re doing it right.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, cool. Thank you. Well, I guess what made the reason that’s so memorable, it’s like, “Well, shucks, I’ve sent out many, many T-shirts,” and I’ve seen some people post on Twitter, like, “Hey, thanks for the shirt. It’s cool.” But it’s like, “Oh, there’s something quite public into the whole email list. What a treat just in terms of being a generous, kind promotional move on her part that is supportive of what I’m doing over here.”

Carmen Simon
Congratulations! Congratulations!

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thank you. Yeah. So, okay, so then we talked about state changes and we talked about I guess noteworthiness is what I noticed. So, what are some of the other ingredients that make them memorable?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, we’re talking about the cognitive ease, so make sure that whatever you’re sharing with your audiences will come to their minds easily.

Pete Mockaitis
But what makes it easy versus hard?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, exactly, so then we have to ask the question, “Well, what happens if we don’t have the chance to ask somebody else to try harder to remember us?” because we don’t always have that luxury. And then the question still becomes, “What comes to people’s minds so effortlessly that they don’t even have to think so hard?”

And one of the items is one that we touched upon a little bit earlier which is this strong sensory stimulation. Like, for example, there was one gentleman who contributed a story when he remembered going to Kenya to fix some electricity-related devices. And he was invited at this family and he had brought them a bottle of Coke. And that family, and according to their tradition, whenever you got a gift you had to then share it with everybody else.

And he remembers in details going up the hill to this hut and it was something that was built in mud, you know those mud huts. He remembers distinctly the mother and the father and the small kid, and even the grandmother that was sitting on this piece of log and she had glaucoma. And he remembers the holes in this kid’s clothes that were stapled so that there wouldn’t be holes anymore.

But the emotion that stood out for him was the fact that these people only had a bottle of Coke, which they had not had for maybe a year before, and they wanted to share with him, and he didn’t even like Coke and it was a warm bottle of Coke. But yet they convinced him to drink some of it, and you take a few sips and then you pass it onto the next person who also take a few sips, and he thought that was the greatest gift he had ever received from a family who pretty much had nothing.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes, that’s powerful. And so, then the Coke is right there. We got the red, we got the white visually, we’ve got the taste itself wrapped up in emotion.

Carmen Simon
Exactly. And then you can almost see like those holes on the clothes that are stapled shut, and you can see the mud hut, and the way that he was expressing it was so visual that later on when I was looking at people’s responses, and I knew that a few of them had read his story, those details were remarked in people’s responses. That’s such a luxury for anyone these days to stay on people’s minds days after you have shared this stimulus. That’s huge.

And the advice then that I have for everyone listening is to look at your communication and ask, “How strong of a mental picture are you painting in your audiences’ minds?” Because, quite often, we become forgettable simply because our communication is so darn abstract.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. That’s excellent. And so, then I’m thinking right now, as you talk about some clients working with like business process optimization, I guess that seems pretty abstract, but if maybe we’re talking about, I don’t know, logistics or delivery, if you tell a story of a customer who was blown away by receiving that package, I don’t know, like the very next day and they were able to, I don’t know, redecorate the house or serve a patient in the hospital, like something I guess visually that they’re then doing with that product and how the speed made a difference. I’m just sort of grasping here. But I imagine that goes a lot farther than saying, “We’re dropping our average ship time from 2.1 days to 1.4 days.”

Carmen Simon
Yeah, and you can still show both. I’m not saying then sacrifice one at the expense of another. In fact, a question that I get quite often when it comes to storytelling is, “What’s the difference between storytelling and facts?” And we can’t really approach the question that way because facts can still be parts of stories.

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

Carmen Simon
Facts are, I would define them as zoomed-in stories because if I were to categorized all the findings from the research, a story is based on three components. There is a perceptive component in which we can include that sensory stimulation I was sharing with you; we can include a strong context because when I said Kenya you can kind of knew where to go; and we can include action across time. So, all of this are perceptive things, things that you can sense with your senses.

Another component is a cognitive one, and facts go in there and meanings and abstracts, so that’s where business people thrive. We enjoy the fact and we enjoy extracting some conclusions from what we say, and those are great. But quite often I think at the expense of the perceptive, we don’t help our audience’s brains to build these strong mental pictures and then we wonder why people forget those facts because they didn’t really know how to imagine those.

And then the third one is, of course, the affective component which is where emotions and motivations and aspirations would go.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, can you give us maybe some pro tips to enhancing each of these dimensions?

Carmen Simon
Yes. For the perceptive one, definitely go towards the language that stimulates the senses and keeps us alert. So, the more you can make people see what you saw and hear what you heard, and then almost enable touching what you touched, then that strong language would definitely reside in people’s memories a lot stronger.

And, also for the perceptive, don’t forget the action across time. You cannot have a story unless things progress across time, and in business content, hardly anything ever happens. In fact, it’s surprises me when people say, “Oh, just come to our organization and help us tell our story better.” And then I’ll ask, “Well, so what is your story?”

And they will say, “We are founded in this year, and we have this many customers, and we have noticed these trends in the industry, and as a result we have developed this amazing web architecture.” You know, everybody has an amazing web architecture these days, “And we have done this and this other thing.” But there’s’ nothing really in a progression across time that is a mandatory component of a story.

Like if we were to talk about business stories, for instance, I remember the woman who invented spandex. For all the women listeners, I’m sure that everyone has heard of the product. And when she’s interviewed and you go online and you read her stories, you hear how, at first, she started in her own apartment, and how she was trying on things in the bathroom, and how she was experimenting things in the kitchen, and then she tried to get a meeting with somebody at Neiman Marcus, and the meeting was going poorly until she convinced one of those executives to go with her to the bathroom and try this product on under some white pants.

And from then on, she wore those white pants for three years to convince many other people to buy into the product. So, see how things just progress across time. First this happened, then this happened, and as a result this other thing happened. So, we go from A to B to C and each is a consequence of the previous stage, and that’s the mandatory component of a story.

Pete Mockaitis
Now, so I’m interested. When it comes to, say, like a business telling a story, a lot of times it’s about growth, “We had this many units or this much revenue, and now we have these many units and this much revenue and it’s much bigger.” And so, but in a way, those aren’t really actions. It’s just sort of an output or measurement. And so, how would you maybe make that translation?

Carmen Simon
Yes, so if we’d go from that list of facts, because if you’re saying, “In 2016 we sold these many units, and in 2017 we sold these many units, and therefore we have grown by this percentage,” that’s almost kind of an action because you would have to make it show, “How did you get to point B as a result of point A?” Was it somebody that you hired?

Because, imagine if you said, “In 2016 we sold this, and then we hired this amazing VP of sales. I mean, this guy, he used to work for such and such. And then he sold his company, and then he did some other things. And then he moved to the US, and despite his accent he created all these relationships, and did this and this other thing. And as a result, then here we are 2017 with an increased in this.” So, see how now you’re showing how B is a result of A.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, certainly, “Or that individual customers were so delighted that they shared stories like so and so from Mississippi who put this on her Facebook and sort of shares of that nature just naturally resulted in so many more people buying it, and thusly we have this number of units now.”

Carmen Simon
Yeah, and you would have to be careful about showing causation which it’s a tricky thing because causation is what we would consider, from a storytelling perspective, a plot. So, you’re saying if your customer has posted such and such on Facebook, and then somebody else saw it and as a result they, too, purchased the product. And then they went to another customer, and as a result of that then this is what happened.

And sometimes, especially when we deal with technology-oriented things or science-oriented products, people are so afraid of causation that they will only stick to just a list of facts, inviting the audience to draw their own conclusions, and because we’re saying the audience has such a cognitive lazy inclination anyway, they may not often make that leap. So, not only are you less persuasive but you’re not really sharing a story.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, interesting. So, then, the key distinction there is that, you’re saying, be careful of causation and don’t sort of say it’s because of it, but share what happened. Let’s see, set me straight here, Carmen.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, well, causation is sexy and tricky at the same time. Causation is what enables you to fully stay truthful to a story in a sense of A caused B which then caused C, but then having the boldness and the accuracy to make a causation statement, that’s where it’s at.

Pete Mockaitis
All right.

Carmen Simon
Do you have what it takes to stand behind your causation? That’s the question I would ask anyone listening. Because, for example, some of my clients are from the biotech industry, and when they try to sell a specific product to a doctor’s office they have to be cautious about saying, “You will get this product, and as a result, for sure, this is what’s going to happen.”

Pete Mockaitis
I hear you. So, you don’t say it.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, it doesn’t mean that you always have to share a story, by the way. So, if that’s your field and you’re afraid of causation, you don’t necessarily have to go there, but then don’t claim you’re telling stories.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. So, it’s just about saying that it caused it as opposed to sharing a sequence of events that imply it.

Carmen Simon
Yeah, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. All right. I’m with you. Tracking along. Thank you. Okay. So, then how about the affective component?

Carmen Simon
Yes, so the cognitive we have no problems with because facts and abstracts definitely dominate. For the affective component, I think one of the biggest insights that I got from this study were that just having the presence of emotions still doesn’t guarantee memory. Sometimes that’s another statement that I hear made very frequently, “Oh, if you want to have something memorable, and especially a memorable story, you definitely have to always have emotion.” Not true.

For instance, people will say, “Oh, stories like 9/11, or the Space Challenger disaster, or Oklahoma bombing, those, of course, will be memorable.” Not that fast. For example, in some of the groups that I had designed in my study, people read a 9/11 story, people read a Space Challenger story but they also read stories like, “I will never forget the time when my co-worker complimented me on LinkedIn. It was just such a touchy message, I had posted this, and then they reacted like that, and then I said this. And that just meant a lot to me in my career,” or something along those lines.

Or, “I will never forget my cousin’s wedding because this is what happened.” And those things were a lot more memorable than the world’s history stories, so to speak, even though the emotion was not as strong but it was more relatable, you see. So, if you ever have the choice, and you’re looking at your content and you’re thinking, “Boy, my content is kind of dry. I could never match the emotion of a disaster or something that just happened. Everybody paid attention to it.” Don’t even worry about it because relevance quite often trumps emotion.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Interesting. So, could you maybe help us tie this all together in terms of maybe sharing a couple examples of messages or stories transformed sort of before from one of your clients, and then you did some tweaks and reframing and communicating it differently to an after that had such a greater impact in memorability?

Carmen Simon
Well, let’s look at this one that I’m working on this week, and it’s not finalized but I think all of our listeners are going to be able to relate to it. So, the before version comes across like this. “Welcome, everyone. We’ve had an interesting and challenging 2017. It’s prompting me to remember why is it I’m working at this place anyway. And I’ve worked here because of some professional opportunities that we all have. It’s also the right timing because the technologies that are happening in the field are just at the right intersection,” and so it goes, and so it goes from fact to fact to fact to fact which is just assumed in story as we said.

The recommendations that I’m making and the after example is going to include something along the lines, “Okay, we have had a challenging 2017, and it’s prompting me to reflect why am I working at this company. Well, it’s a wonderful professional opportunity. And what do I mean by this? I remember a time when I was looking for the intersection of just the right technologies, and I was working for this company and this other executive walked in and he said this to me. And then that’s how I reacted, and that’s when I realized that things were a little bit different, and then I read this other article.”

And see how I’m going with, “This is what’s happening,” and the more I zoom in and the sensory details are stronger, and he’s able to show pictures of his older executive office, so we can see him working for that company and as he moved to another company. So, now it becomes more become sensory intense and things that happened and then caused another thing and they caused another thing, and now we can abstract it out and say, “It was a great professional opportunity.”

Or in the initial, let’s call a story between quotes, he’s talking about coming to work to this company because he wanted to work with people he could trust. Notice how abstract that is. But in the after version, I’m prompting him to say, “Well, so who is that?” So, he’s showing some other guy’s picture and how he served as a best man at his wedding, so we’re killing two birds with that stone because not only is he now showing some sensory stimulation that’s stronger because, “I enjoy seeing the pictures of the wedding and the champagne and people dancing,” but the emotion is now present.

Because it’s one thing to say, “I’m working here with people that I can trust,” and it’s just an abstract concept, but another to see them hugging and see them in their suits and see them in such a nice human-like moment.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, I really like that. And so, you’re bringing up the usage of visuals, of slides, which I think can really be helpful because I think sometimes I might feel, perhaps, a little bit awkward going too big and using my words to try to paint an imagery picture like, “Oh, someone fancies himself a novelist over there.” Whereas you could say, “And he was the best man at my wedding,” and then you show an image, and they go, “Oh, that’s the wedding.” And so, then, you can go a long way by bringing those visuals in, even of the desk, of the workplace, of the wedding.

Carmen Simon
So true. And the nice thing about being able to do that is then, obviously, those pictures are also going to add the extra words that are even unspoken so you can get a lot more done in a short period of time.

Pete Mockaitis
Yes. Well, I was going to go there next in terms of trying to make an impact with a story I think that’s a concern some might say, “You know, well, I’ve got exactly three minutes or five minutes of time to make these points. I don’t have time to go down and make a story especially with all these impactful affective details that you’re describing.” So, what are some of the ways to get some of that goodness in a shorter period of time? One is by using visuals or slides. Any other tips there?

Carmen Simon
I really like that question because you’re so right, people are concerned that they don’t have enough time to share stories. And for any of our listeners who are married, and sometimes they get their spouse’s reaction, it’s like, “Come on, get to the point. I don’t have time for all of these details.”

Pete Mockaitis
I’ve never said that. One year in, I’ve managed to not say that.

Carmen Simon
You just recently got married. You just give it a few years.

Pete  
Okay.

Carmen Simon
But executives and some other business audience may have a similar reaction, “Just get to the point.” And so, one of the ways that you could still want to share a story, but you’re afraid that you don’t have enough time, the advice would be to earn the right to tell the details.

And the way to do that is to respond first to people’s expectations. And as we said, facts are just zoomed-in stories, and if your audiences are indeed expecting facts at first then give those first. So, if I’m presenting to some executives and they do want to hear about the growth that has happened in the past two years and they want to see some charts, that’s my intro. I’m not going to start with, “It was a dark and stormy night, and the clouds were just approaching, and I knew something drastic was going to happen.” You see?

But if I share with you the right amount of information that you expect, then I’m earning the right for a few more minutes of some other details, and then I can say, “The reason that we got to these numbers is because of that one dark stormy night when you would not believe what happened.” So, as a communicator, you’re a choreographer of your audience’s expectations. See to those first and then you earn the right for a few extra minutes where you can fill in the details that would make it a story.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s excellent. Very good. Any other perspectives on the time perspective?

Carmen Simon
Yes. So, obviously, time would be correlated with the length of a story. What I noticed in my study was that there is such a thing as too short of a story beyond which it becomes forgettable. And the length that I noticed people that they remember stories, the sweet spot, was somewhere around 600 words which would be about two or three paragraphs, and I would always suggest that if you want to have a memorable story, write it down first and then make sure that you say it verbally so that you don’t sound as if you’re too scripted. You still speak it. It’s not a story meant for writing.

But 600 to about 900 words if you want to be a really polished storyteller because, otherwise, you won’t be having the opportunity to do justice to a context to those sensory details, or build some of those emotions in there.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, now, Carmen, I love it when you drop a number. That’s intriguing. So, 600 to 900 words is a sweet spot there. We’re talking about memory and stories and memorability and this good stuff. Are there any other kind of key rules of thumb or numbers that leap to mind?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, let’s look at this concept of the emotion just a little bit more closely because I think it’s so widely misunderstood when it comes to memory. Emotion, when you’re kind of disconcerting, come from three sources. It can come from the nature of the content, because if you’re talking about medicine or people in Kenya, immediately the nature of the content draws an emotion.

But sometimes, in business, we don’t have the luxury of that. We talk about, like you said, trucks or web architectures or predictive analytics. Sometimes there isn’t a whole lot of emotion inherently associated with our content. So, then, what do you do, because you still need some emotion to make something memorable?

And the other two sources can be your audience can be a source of emotion. So, if you’re talking to people who are extremely invested in a topic, who are either elated or upset, they bring their own emotions that then contribute to the formation of some memories, or you can be the source of emotion as the transmitter of that message.

For example, while I was listening to these people talk about predictive analytics a few months back, and they were the most excited about this product and this technology that I had ever seen. I could have listened to those guys go on forever about predictive analytics. So, as you’re pondering your own question or your own content, question the chemistry that you have with your own content because when that chemistry is there, then you can be the source of emotion, and immediately you’re going to have an increased chance at memory.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s excellent. Well, Carmen, tell me, is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about your favorite things?

Carmen Simon
Oh, my favorite things. Let’s see, anything related to memory. Since we’re talking about emotion, another reminder that I would have for our listeners is that what we remember is not necessarily the emotion itself. We remember quite often the transition from one emotional state to another. And the sharper the contrast the stronger the emotions.

So, for example, let’s just say that I shared with you that I fell off a bike and, obviously, that’s a negative emotion. But then if I said, “I fell off a bike and then got ran over by a car,” see how you reacted, and that’s when the memory got formed, because the first one, yeah, I had some emotion but the sharper the contrast between two emotional states that you’re creating for your audiences then the stronger the memory.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s potent. It’s so funny, I was imagining that you’re going to contrast by going to something really happy, but then you just went to extra, extra bad.

Carmen Simon
Yes, you can go positive and then double positive. Like if I said, “I went to Vegas and I won 50 bucks. And then I pressed a button and next I won 50 million,” that you probably created a memory just now because you went just super, super, super happy. But then you can go the other way of negative to quadruple negative, and that’s how memories are formed.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, excellent. Thank you. Well, now could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Carmen Simon
Ooh, a favorite quote. Let’s just see. Just the other day I saw this thing on the internet, and you know we believe everything that we read on the internet, but this quote just really resonated with me. It said, “You have survived a 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.”

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that is nice. Thank you. And how about a favorite book?

Carmen Simon
Ooh, let’s see. A favorite book that I just bought and just started reading is called Supercasting. I’m intrigued by this notion that the brain is constantly on fast-forward as you can imagine, and some people can predict better than others, what gets us to be better predictors.

Pete Mockaitis
When you say predict, you mean just in terms of what is going to happen next in your environment?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, exactly.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, intriguing. Thank you.

Carmen Simon
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
And how about a favorite tool?

Carmen Simon
Oh, a tool. I have to admit that someone just ordered the iPhone X, and they returned it so that’s not going to be a favorite tool. I’m curious as to why that happened. I do like this flashlight that I just got that has different settings depending on how dark or so kind of almost light it is outside. Have you seen those flashlights?

Pete Mockaitis
So, it’s sensing the environment and adjusting its light?

Carmen Simon
Yeah, yeah, small things. Small pleasures.

Pete Mockaitis
Nice. Thank you. And then how about a favorite habit?

Carmen Simon
A favorite habit is hiking at the end of a full workday.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful.

Carmen Simon
In search of a beautiful view, because you just can’t be hiking. You have to hike with a purpose.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And is there a particular nugget you’ve been sharing recently at MEMZY that seems to really be connecting and resonating with your clients?

Carmen Simon
A particular…

Pete Mockaitis
Just something that you say or share in your work with clients.

Carmen Simon
Oh, yes, there is. The line that people seem to resonate with and remember is this notion that as we are exposed to content we forget about 90% of that stimulation, so it’s important to control the 10% they remember. So, that has become a favorite mantra, and quite often when people come back to me and they talk to me, they’ll say, “Let me share with you what my 10% message is to my own clients,” and that warms my heart because when they mention that phrase, “What is my 10% or my 10% message is,” then I know I’m able to stay on their minds and that’s a challenge that I share with all of the listeners today. What is your 10%? And are you in control of that?

Pete Mockaitis
And, Carmen, if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Carmen Simon
MEMZY.com, M-E-M-Z-Y, and the Twitter handler is @areyoumemorable, and of course LinkedIn Carmen Simon. I’d love to stay in touch and I would want to hear what is your 10% message that you want to put on other people’s minds.

Pete Mockaitis
And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Carmen Simon
Yes, the challenge would be that of precision because we cannot ultimately control everything that goes on in people’s minds, and sometimes we want to overshare. So, I would say don’t attempt to get people to remember more but get them to remember less and better.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Well, Carmen, this has been a whole lot of fun all over again. Thank you and good luck with MEMZY and all you’re up to.

Carmen Simon
Thank you so much. Thank you, Pete. You do the same.

229: How to Wow with Powerful Words and Presence with Frances Cole Jones

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Frances Cole Jones says: "Physicality and tonality have everything to do with how your message is received."

Communications consultant Frances Cole Jones shares her best strategies to address her clients’ most pressing questions.

You’ll Learn:

  1. How to tell if you’re a boring speaker…and what do about it.
  2. The key word that instantly makes your message more engaging
  3. Another power word that increases listener buy-in from 60 to 94%

About Frances

Prior to founding Cole Media Management Frances worked first as a nursery school teacher and then as an editor of commercial nonfiction in NYC. Being a teacher helped hone her negotiating skills (If you can handle 12 toddlers you can handle any CEO). Her experience helping authors find their voices is something she uses with all her clients to ensure they sound like themselves – themselves on their best day.

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224: How to Sound Amazing with Julian Treasure

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Julian Treasure says: "Great listeners are the most effective people at work."

Communications expert Julian Treasure shares the best practices of speaking, listening, and good sound for effective communication.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The primary filters people listen through
  2. How to develop it a powerful voice
  3. The RASA framework for a more engaging conversation

About Julian

Julian is a sound and communication expert. He travels the world training people to listen better and create healthier sound. He is author of the books How to be Heard and Sound Business. Julian’s five TED talks have been watched more than 40 million times. His latest, How to speak so that people want to listen, is in the top 10 TED talks of all time. Julian is regularly featured in the world’s media, including TIME Magazine, The Times, The Economist and the BBC.

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221: Becoming a Great Conversationalist with Celeste Headlee

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Celeste Headlee says: "We tend to overestimate both our conversational skills and how well we listen."

Journalist Celeste Headlee breaks down the steps towards being a better conversationalist.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The top ways to have better conversations
  2. The myths you believe about good listening
  3. An eye-opening way to find out your bad habits as a conversationalist

About Celeste

Celeste Headlee, Public Broadcast Radio Show Host, and Author of Heard Mentality and We Need To Talk.  Celeste Headlee is the host of “On Second Thought” at Georgia Public Broadcasting in Atlanta and has been a host and correspondent for NPR and PRI since 2006. She has trained many journalists through NPR’s Next Generation program. Headlee also has appeared as a guest on CNN, the BBC, and other international networks, and in 2012, she anchored presidential election coverage for PBS World.

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