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317: How to Form Habits the Smart Way with BJ Fogg, PhD

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Dr. BJ Fogg says: "Emotions create habits."

Stanford behavior scientist Dr. BJ Fogg shares his evidence-based insights into forming “tiny habits” and other powerful tools for transforming behavior.

You’ll Learn:

  1. Why the Tiny Habits © Method is such a reliable pathway to behavior change
  2. The core recipe and three critical ingredients for a great habit
  3. How–and why–to celebrate repeatedly

About BJ

Dr. BJ Fogg is a behavior scientist, with deep experience in innovation and teaching. At Stanford University, he runs a research lab. He also teaches his models and methods in graduate seminars.

On the industry side, BJ trains innovators to use his work so they can create solutions that influence behavior.  The focus areas include health, financial wellbeing, learning, productivity, and more.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

BJ Fogg Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
BJ, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to Be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

BJ Fogg
Hey Pete, thanks for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’d love to get oriented first of all when it comes to what you’re doing when you’re not coming up with brilliant research which is being on the water with surfing and paddle boarding. What’s the scoop here?

BJ Fogg
Well, I’m just really drawn to nature, just being in the water or on the water or by the water is a really calming and energizing thing for me.

Yes, I swim a lot. I don’t do straight up surfing. I do surfing on standup paddle boards, which is fun and terrific. Yesterday, in the river I was swimming around with a mask looking at rocks. I just think being in the water, by the water is, it’s really important for my health.

Pete Mockaitis
Mm-hm. Cool Great. When it comes to your health and that rejuvenation, you’re pouring that into some great stuff at Stanford and your research lab. Could you orient listeners a little bit to what is your area of research?

BJ Fogg
Yeah, I’m a behavior scientist. Right now in my lab, called the Behavior Design Lab, we’re studying new models of human behavior and new methods of how to help people change their behavior for the better.

If you rewind 20 years, I was just wrapping up a series of experiments about how technology, how computers can change our attitudes and behaviors. That was 20 years ago. I called it persuasive technology.

There’s a lot of attention in that area now, at least in the world, but my work has moved on. It was about ten years ago we shifted away from that and looking more just behavior in general and especially habits and how habits work.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Well, so you’ve sort of built out a whole Fogg behavioral model. Could you walk us through some of the tenants of that?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. In the work that I call behavior design, it’s a set of models and a set of methods. Models are ways of thinking about behavior.

I think the most important model and I decided to put my name on it, that should signal that I think it’s important, I called the Fogg Behavior Model. It’s essentially this, its behavior happens when three things come together at the same time.

There’s motivation to do the behavior, that’s one. There’s the ability to do the behavior, how easy or hard it is. Then there has to be a prompt or a cue. I used to call it a trigger, but now I’m calling it a prompt.
It’s motivation, ability, prompt. When those things come together at the same moment in the right way, the behavior happens.

Pete Mockaitis
From your TED talks and others I had mapped in my head motivation, ability, trigger. Well, just because I’m a dork, why did you choose to go from a trigger to a prompt?

BJ Fogg
I came up with the word trigger a long time ago, like probably 12 years ago. I thought it was – I talk about hot triggers and cold triggers. I thought it was kind of – it’s a fun word.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah.

BJ Fogg
But I always had to explain that by trigger I mean the prompt or the cue. I don’t mean what’s motivating you. There was always this little bit of education I had to do around the word trigger.

For a few years, I thought man, I’m going to change it to prompt, I’m going to change it to prompt. Finally I took the leap last year. That means a whole bunch of talks that I’ve given, a whole bunch of other people that have referenced my work. There’s kind of like a version 1.0 of the Fogg Behavior Model and this is version 2.0.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, good to know. The dorky jokester in me was like was it too triggering to say trigger … had to be trigger warnings.

BJ Fogg
Triggering the wrong thing, triggering the wrong thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Interesting.

BJ Fogg
As you know, as you look at my work, I’m all about how do you make it easy to understand human behavior. How do you make it easy for people to change their behavior? If there’s something getting in the way, it even can be a word, like the word trigger, man, you’ve got to fix it.

That’s what I ultimately I just owned up to that and said, “No, we’re going to take the word prompt.” Now it’s going to be clear and people aren’t going to have to be trained on what that word means.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, it is a really clear framework. It really has kind of really changed the way I look at all sorts of behavioral change things. It seems so simple and true that it strikes me as but of course, this is the way.

BJ Fogg
Thanks.

Pete Mockaitis
But there’s some alternatives, right? There’s some different models out there. Could you maybe debunk some myths perhaps in terms of, “Hey, we often hear that behavior change works like this, but that’s actually kind of complete or even misleading.”

BJ Fogg
Yeah. About ten years ago kind of in a moment of frustration, the frustration – we were publishing these papers from my lab and people were emailing me and said just give me a checklist. I was like, “No, our papers are eight pages. They’re short.”

But after I got enough of those I sat down and said “Okay, I’m going to make a top ten list, the top ten mistakes in behavior change.” I cranked it out. I ran it by my lab members who made some revisions. We shipped it. We shipped it on I think SlideShare. It’s a set of slides.

It turns out, Pete, sadly enough that is the most widely accessed and used creation from my lab ever. This thing that I did in a moment of frustration, the top ten mistakes, turns out to be the thing that well over a million people have seen and they reference it. They will replicate it and so on.

One of the top mistakes, I won’t go through all ten. You can just find it online if you’re interested. Type in ‘top ten mistakes behavior change.’ One of the top mistakes is to just think of the aspiration like, “Oh, I want to lose weight,” or “I want to have more energy,” “I want to sleep better,” and then make yourself feel guilty about not reaching the aspiration. There’s two mistakes bundled.

That’s a fairly common thing, where people just have this vague thing in their mind they want to achieve and they think they can get there somehow magically or just by making themselves feel bad. That’s wrong or that’s not optimal anyway. It’s two ways.

Number one, you can’t design directly for an aspiration like have more energy or get more sleep. You’ve got to break that down into specific behaviors. You need to focus on behaviors that will take you to the aspiration.

Then the other thing is usually, the most reliable way to get a behavior to happen isn’t about trying to motivate yourself and certainly not through guilt, but it’s by making the behavior easier to do. Really what you want to do is figure out what behavior is going to take you to that aspiration. Then how do you make it easy to do so you don’t have to rely on motivation very much.

Pete Mockaitis
You mentioned that motivation is kind of pretty inconsistent or fickle day-to-day.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, it’s pretty slippery. Another model out there has to do with are you ready to change. For decades people have tried to – well, that has been perpetuated.

Behavior design doesn’t look at that question at all. It starts with the premise that everybody is ready to change in some way. You just have to figure out what way they want to change right now. You don’t have to wait around for somebody to be ready to change. Instead you have to figure out what’s their aspiration and what specific behavior are they willing to do right now to take them to that aspiration.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, well I’m also curious to get your take then when it comes to the aspiration and thinking about it and wanting it and guilt and that stuff not doing the trick. I guess when it comes to I guess goal setting type standards or approaches, does that kind of mean that you’re sort of with or-

BJ Fogg
I am going to offend people here.

Pete Mockaitis
Let’s do it. Let’s do it.

BJ Fogg
These make people think I’m crazy. I think you can change your life dramatically without setting goals and without tracking your performance toward the goals.

That is not – that’s often packaged up with “You must set a goal and you must track or you won’t do it.” That’s not necessarily true. We change all the time without putting down, even for the worst, better or worse, change is change, whether it’s good change or whether you think it’s bad change.

The word goal is an imprecise word, so I don’t use it in behavior design. A goal can be an aspiration, a vague aspiration like, “Oh, I want to get more sleep.” A goal could also – or it could be an outcome, like “We want to increase sales in this company by 20%.” A goal can mean either thing. An aspiration and an outcome are very different.

If you say the word goal or if somebody says the word goal, listen or ask questions to verify are you talking about an aspiration or an outcome.

What I found is sometimes when you ask people to set goals, it actually discourages them or it scares them because they’ve done it before and they know if they say, “Okay, I’m going to lose 15 pounds in one month,” they know they are setting themselves up to be – to fail in a measurable way.

If I were coaching – and I don’t coach people in weight loss – but if I were coaching people in weight loss, I would say, “No, why don’t you just figure out what behavior are you going to do every day involving nutrition and just do it every day and stay tuned and watch how you progress.”

You don’t have to have an outcome goal. Instead you’re focusing on what you do every day. If you miss one day, so what? Just do it the next day.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, excellent. Then what are your favorite tools in getting those behaviors to occur with that sort of daily or regular frequency is the tiny habit which I just love. Can you unpack what are tiny habits and how do they work?

BJ Fogg
Wow, I created this method called the Tiny Habits Method. It was a bit of an accident, where I was just goofing around with my own behavior and it started with me looking at the graphical version of my behavior model. It has two coordinates. It’s two dimensional figure that you can find online if you look at behavior model.

What that shows is if a behavior is easy, really, really easy, you don’t need a lot of motivation to do it, your motivation to be high or middle or low. When I saw that on my own model I was like, “Hm, that’s really interesting.”

If I instead of trying to floss all my teeth, what if I just floss one? If I instead of putting on all my sunscreen, just put on one drop? Will I be able to consistently perform that very simple behavior? Floss one tooth, put on one drop of sunscreen. It turned out that the answer was yes. You can be very consistent.

Then I started – there were ten people I recruited. I called them Team Yoda. I coached them in the method. It went really well. Then at one point I sat down and wrote up a five-day program that I thought I would share with a handful of friends. Well, fast-forward today, Tiny Habits method, which really emphasizes make it really, really simple and find where it fits naturally in your life and revise if it doesn’t work.

I’ve coached over 40,000 people now in that method, coached them personally through email. It’s grown in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. In fact, my forthcoming book is going to be called Tiny Habits. The broader scope is behavior design, but within behavior design, a special focus on the Tiny Habits method.

Pete Mockaitis
Could you give us a few examples of tiny habits and sort of the three components that kind of make them come together?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. What you do first and foremost, you take whatever behavior, let’s stick with flossing, and you make it really, really small. Because the fact is flossing all your teeth does take some effort. If you’re not very practiced, it might be painful and you might see some bleeding. All of those things are going to demotivate you in the future. You just scale it back, floss one tooth.

Then you find where does that tiny behavior fit naturally in my day, specifically, what does it come after. Flossing is an easy one. It comes naturally after you brush. Then, we call this a recipe in Tiny Habits, you create this phrase, “After I brush, I will floss one tooth.” You’re specifying when you’re going to do it, after what existing routine. Then what are you going to do? You’re going to floss one tooth.

That’s all you have to do. Now of course you can floss more. You can floss all your teeth. But the requirement is just one tooth. If you do one tooth and stop, you have succeeded. You tell yourself “I did a good job. Good for me,” and you move on. The two pieces there are make it tiny, find where it fits in your natural routine.

The third piece, and this is going to sound crazy to people, but this is really important is what we call celebration. As you’re doing the new habit or right after, you do something to make yourself feel a positive emotion. You might say, “Good for you,” or you might give yourself a thumbs up or a high five or a smile in the mirror.

What you’re doing with that is you’re firing off a positive emotion so your brain rewires and looks forward to doing that new behavior again.

In other words, I know it sounds crazy but it’s very effective, if you can fire off a positive emotion while you’re doing the new habit or immediately after, then you are cementing, you’re rooting that habit into your life. That’s what causes the habit to form.

It’s not number of repetitions. It’s not utility. It’s not other things that people have talked about for years. The bottom line in three words is ‘emotions create habits.’ In the Tiny Habits method you don’t leave the emotions to chance. It’s part of the method. It’s part of the technique of creating new habits quickly and easily.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s so great that emotions create habits. It seems like some of the habits that I’ve fallen into, it’s almost like I just happen to get a great emotion from the thing.

I remember it was last Thanksgiving, I guess I just sort of woke up earlier for no good reason. There was a treadmill. I was at my mom’s place. There was a treadmill. I was like, “I’m just going to do some walking here.” It would be hard to walk outside because it’s still sort of dark and it’s cold. “I’m just going to walk on this treadmill.” Sure enough, “And I’m going to drink some water.”

I felt pretty great. I was like, “Okay, let’s do that again.” It was like, “Hey, that feels pretty great.” Then I just kept doing it until before I knew it that was the thing that I really wanted to do always.

BJ Fogg
Good for you.

Pete Mockaitis
When we bought our home and I got my little home office set up, it’s like, “Well, where’s the treadmill going to go?” Just because Chicago winter it’s not so easy sometimes to put on all the stuff and go out in the crunchy, cold snowy environment. That’s more than enough to make me go, “Eh, no, I just think maybe I won’t do that.”

BJ Fogg
Right, well good for you. What I’m hearing in your story, and this is a … that you have that you may not have recognized. You allowed yourself to feel good. You allowed yourself to feel that positive emotion.

That – you watch high-performing athletes and they hit a good tennis serve or they make a three-point shot, what are they doing? They’re celebrating after. They’re raising their arms. They’re dancing around or whatever. I believe high-performing people are naturally good at celebrating behaviors that they want to become more frequent or they want to become automatic.

You want that three-point shot to become automatic. You don’t want to be thinking about it. As you watch sports, moving forward, if you thought I was crazy talking about celebrations, which will be most of you, next time you watch athletic performance, see what the top performers do when they do a behavior that they want to become more automatic or they want to repeat in the future.

Now a lot of people, and Pete, you may not be in this category, but a lot of people are very, very good at telling themselves they did a bad job, but they’re terrible at telling themselves they did a good job.

That’s one of the challenges when people learn the Tiny Habits method. Certainly one of our challenges in teaching it is giving people permission to tell yourself you did a good job and helping them find the technique to fire off that positive emotion. It’s different. Not everybody can go, “Good job BJ,” or give themselves a high five or do a fist pump or say, “That’s awesome.” You have to find what works for you.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s so good. I want to dig into a few examples here on all three of these ingredients, the celebration and then the prompt and the action. For celebration, while we’re having some fun with it, I’ll tell you one of my favorite little celebrations.

BJ Fogg
Okay.

Pete Mockaitis
I guess it’s linked to my childhood playing some video games like Mortal Combat.

BJ Fogg
Nice. Perfect.

Pete Mockaitis
Now that you’re bringing this to mind, it’s like I should probably do this more consistently. It’s almost sort of like happenstance. But I will say, because in the video game Mortal Combat if you defeated your opponent without suffering any damage, the announcer would say, “Flawless victory.”

BJ Fogg
Flawless victory. Nice.

Pete Mockaitis
Then your character would like bow. I will from time to time, usually when no one else is around, celebrate with ‘flawless victory” and then bow and it really does feel quite good because one I guess it’s linked to dominating my friends in video games and kind of feeling skilled or whatever in that moment.

BJ Fogg
Oh Pete.

Pete Mockaitis
And it’s just a little bit silly. It makes me giggle a little.

BJ Fogg
Good for you. Now you can use that as a deliberate technique anytime you do a behavior that you want to become more frequent. Let’s say you leave sweaters on the cabinet in your bedroom. Well, when you take that sweater and put it away, you can say…

Pete Mockaitis
Flawless victory.

BJ Fogg
And kind of chuckle and feel good and notice the next time you go to put it on the counter, you’ll brain will go, “Wait a minute, let’s put this away and then I can hear…”

Pete Mockaitis
Flawless victory.

BJ Fogg
Exactly. When I was – man, surfing, learning to surf. I had some challenges learning to surf, broke some ribs, separated – every year something would happen. Finally I said no more lay down surfing. I’m doing stand-up surfing, stand-up paddleboard surfing. I finally nailed it this year.

What I found myself doing naturally is as soon as I caught a wave and just the feeling of catching a wave is amazing to begin with, I would say, “You got it,” which is kind of crazy because other people might hear me say that and whatnot. But what I saw myself doing was I was affirming that you got it. This is what you do next time. Then I caught on and got pretty confident in catching waves.

There’s lots of things I can’t do surfing, but I did get to the point where I could go out and reliably surf. That is like any other habit you want to bring into your life. You’re not going to be perfect at the start. You’re going to fall in, just like you’ve fallen on surfing. You just keep going. You learn little by little and eventually you can nail it.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. I’d love it if you could just get a little bit of, I guess, no, a lot of multiplicity of examples in terms of you said, you had a few things for celebration: got it, awesome, flawless victory, thumbs up, high five. Could you rattle off a few more quick celebrations people can do?

BJ Fogg
Sometimes it’s, “Whohoo.” One of mine, I have a range of them. I use different ones at different times. One will be a sound effect like, do, do, do, doo, like the castle. I don’t use this one, but some of the people I’ve – we’ve trained and sort of had coaches in this, but some of them go think “Ahhh,” like the crowd cheering for them. One of mine, just my go-to one is like, “Way to go BJ.” I just say, “Way to go BJ” to myself.

Then I will – you shared something from your childhood, so I’ll share mine. If I really need a powerful celebration, let’s say, it’s not quite a tiny habit or let’s say that I need to form the habit really fast, then I pull out the big powerful celebration.

For me what that is is I’m thinking of my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Bondy Eddy in Fresno, California. She says, “You did a good job.” For whatever reason, that’s really powerful. I imagine her saying, “You did a good job.” That fires off the emotion in me.

Pete Mockaitis
What I love about these is that they’re so varied. In a way I kind of delight in the weirdness or the eccentricity of it because it’s personal and it’s vulnerable.

But I guess, maybe this is a – here’s a book in here somewhere, but it seems like to achieve kind of great results in things, it seems like you can either put a lot of time, energy, effort into something, you can spend a lot of money on that something or you can just do something very different and slash weird in terms of your paths to victory.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
I would much prefer the weird path than the expensive path.

BJ Fogg
Well, I tend to be a real goofball, so doing things like celebrating was natural for me. Then when I talked about it, I found it wasn’t natural for everybody.

But I know this Tiny Habits method will sound strange to some people, but step back and look at the traditional ways that you’ve tried to change your behavior and evaluate. Did those work? Probably not very well. This method is about making it really easy. It’s easy to start. It’s easy to do consistently. That really matters.

When you fail – I don’t really use that word. When you don’t floss one tooth, when you don’t do the two pushups, it’s not a very big issue. It’s like no big deal. It’s like a baby taking a stumble.

Also, one of things I learned later about the method was because you’re changing your life gradually, it doesn’t prompt people around you to sabotage you. I did not know that happened until I started doing a little more work with Weight Watchers.

The reality there, unfortunately, and it happens more broadly than that, is sometimes when somebody tries to change in a big and dramatic way and they announce it, people – and I don’t know if it’s malicious or well-intended – they’ll say, “Well, you’re going through a phase,” or “Here’s the last time you tried this,” and so on. Sometimes the sabotage is active, which is really unfortunate.

If you are just doing two pushups every time after you pee or if you’re just flossing one tooth and eventually flossing all your teeth and if you’re taking care of your skin and you just kind of ninja redesign your life in ways that eventually people will notice, but nobody will step in right away and sabotage you.

I hope it hasn’t happened to many people listening to this, but it is a reality. There is a social factor of non-support that can happen when you try to transform your life.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s true and it’s unfortunate. But picking up on the strange element for a second though.

When you said the crowd goes wild, “Rar,” in a way that seems so natural because I think as a child this is something I did all the time with regard to – I didn’t even play a lot of sports as a kid. But it’s sort of natural to sort of imagine that scenario and the crowd going wild. I think that if you rewind and reflect upon childhood, these sorts of celebrations were just normal par for the course.

BJ Fogg
I think you’re exactly right. You’re exactly right. I haven’t studied it scientifically, but it does seem that as kids we are natural celebrators. At some point it got pushed out of us. In some countries when I share this, they think I’m insane. It’s like, “Oh, that’s a crazy California woo-woo thing.”

But if you look at babies and I have gone online to watch babies start learning to walk. As they do something like walk further, sometimes they will clap their hands or they’ll shake their arms like, “Look, what I-“ I think they are reinforcing the walking behavior. I think it’s hardwired into them.

If the mom or dad is there also cheering them on, they’re accelerating creating the habit of walking, doing the movements that lead to successful walking. If you look at what athletes do, you look at how babies learn to walk, just go to YouTube and type in ‘baby learning to walk,’ you will see what we’re calling celebration. It’s that emotional wiring in in your behavior.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s powerful. We have a five-month old at home. I’ve been seeing this too. When he successfully rolls over, particularly from the front – I’m thinking my front, my sides messed up. He’s lying on his stomach and he goes to his back, that’s the tougher one it seems.

BJ Fogg
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
He’ll look right at us and smile, so it’s like, “Yeah!” Something significant has occurred here. We celebrate him.

BJ Fogg
If people can embrace that, if people can say, “Wow,” that’s how Tiny Habits is a way to change your life through feeling successful. That matters. And by being playful. And by not getting all tense.

The old traditional way is, “Oh, you’ve got to get all wound up and if you don’t do it then you fail. Here’s a black mark on the calendar.” It’s about getting you to change through making you feel guilty. I’m kind of exaggerating that a little bit.

But the point – one of the takeaway points is you change better when you’re playful, when you’re flexible, when you recognize your successes. The things that don’t go as you intended, don’t worry about it, just move on.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. We covered, again, numerous sets of options for celebration. I’d also like to hear when it comes to the prompt. We’ve heard after you brush your teeth or after you pee. What are some other great prompts that are just superb hooks or places to put a tiny habit?

BJ Fogg
Anything you do reliably. Just watch yourself. What are the routines you do every day? You could even make a list of those. Then when you find something like, “Oh, I turn on the shower every day that means I can insert a behavior right after that routine. What might it be?”

In my own life, and I will answer questions about what the prompts are, in my own life what I find fits right there is after I turn on the shower, I think about one aspect of my body for which I’m grateful. It can be even something quite abstract like, my skin stretches or that I healed this little cut or something like that.

Just watch what you do every day. Typical ones are you put your feet on the floor and there’s a tiny habit for that, you pee, you brush your teeth, you start the coffee maker, you start the dishwasher, you buckle up in the car or you sit down on the train, etcetera. Anything you do reliably can be the prompt, the thing that reminds you to do the new habit that you want.

Now in the Tiny Habits method, we call that an anchor. Your existing outline I decided to call an anchor because I thought well, here’s this stable thing in your life that you’re attaching the new behavior to.

Getting out of bed in the morning is a stable thing. Pretty much everybody does that. Pretty much everybody pees in the morning. Pretty much everybody – not everybody gets in a car, but start the coffee maker. Pretty much everybody brushes their teeth. That’s a great anchor, the thing that serves to prompt flossing.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Then when it comes to the actual action, anything you can dream of that you’d like done and it’s tiny, but I’d love to get your take coaching 40,000 people, what are some of the tiny actions that just have profound ripple effects?

BJ Fogg
The superpowers. Yeah, superpowers. Yay.

One, and I did a whole TED talk just on this one, is as soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning, as soon as you stand up or touch the floor, say, “It’s going to be a great day.” Those words, “It’s going to be a great day,” seven words. Even if you don’t believe it, say it. What you’ll find is it changes the trajectory of your day.

That’s one of those things that a lot of people do it. I devoted a whole TED talk to it because I felt it was so important. People get back in touch with me all the time saying, “Oh my gosh, you changed my life.” In fact in one case, a woman said you saved my life with – I call it the Maui habit. She said you saved my life with the Maui habit. Wow.

Another one, totally different category that I would suggest is work in two pushups or two squats into your day. A good place to put those is after you pee. Most people – I did the research – I didn’t do the research. I looked up studies on this and people pee about seven times a day. Let’s say five of those times are during daylight hours.

That’s means you’ve got to do – my tiny habit recipe is after I pee I will do two pushups. I’ve been doing that for years now. I’ve done a lot of pushups and I’ve gotten a lot stronger. Some people – I work mostly from home. I don’t do it at Stanford. I don’t do it at public buildings.

You can do more than two. Today I started out with 15. Yesterday I might have done 25 first thing in the morning. But today I got down to do two pushups and the phone rang. I finished the second one. I picked up the phone and it was like I did it.

In the Tiny Habits mindset, the tiny behavior is always okay. If there’s some reason that I only floss one tooth, if there’s some reason I only did two pushups, yay, good for me. I got it done. I didn’t sweat it.

Pushups or squats, that is a really helpful thing. One is a kind of mindset shift. The other one is there’s something about pushups that people tell me it’s a gateway exercise to doing other things. That would be a couple that I put really high on the list. And of course flossing. That goes without saying.

Floss, your dentist will love you.

Pete Mockaitis
There’s some more. Let’s keep it going. I’m wondering maybe about hydration. That could be easy and powerful.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, what I’ve got right here is a glass of water. At a certain point in my morning after I put down my breakfast plate, I fill a glass with water and I walk in and put it here.

I don’t have my little bowl of vitamins here because I’ve already taken them, so I’ve returned it. There’s a time when I – it’s not take the vitamins, it’s put the vitamins in a little dish because I find that actually taking the vitamins is too hard.

The tiny behavior there is what we call a starter step. Just get the vitamins, put them in a dish, and then I put it here on my desk. Then at some point during the day, I take – I don’t know. I just take them during the day when I’m drinking the water so I get that done.

Certainly there’s – this is quite a tiny behavior, but I go into – I have – I created a gym in my garage. Every morning I go out there and do a specific thing depending on what I’m – first thing in the morning even though my real workout happens in the afternoon.

Right now I’m getting on to a vibration plate made by BulletProof that vibrates at 30,000 second or 30 – I don’t know what it does. It just vibrates you like crazy. I decided I wanted to do that for a period of time to see how it goes.

In the morning I go do that. If I go for five seconds and I’ve had enough, I get off. But it never ends at five seconds really, though I could and be okay with it. It usually expands and expands. Now I’m doing all sort of things on the vibration plate from pushups to squats to – I was even doing yoga yesterday on it, like keeping one part of my body on the plate for any kind of yoga move and that was interesting.

Maybe that’s not the best example, but maybe the takeaway there is play around with your behavior, be flexible, explore, have fun with it. You don’t have to be perfect. If some day you don’t want that habit, like some days yeah, I don’t want to do the vibration plate anymore, that’s fine. Let it go.

Do something else with that – basically it’s real estate – with that real estate in your day. You can do something else with it.

Pete Mockaitis
I like the notion of real estate there because it kind of reminds me of I am sort of organizing or cleaning a space. There are times in which you find that something just fits perfectly, like, “Oh, these Tupperware storage containers are absolutely perfect when stacked and rotated in this way, put on that shelf. Aha, it’s where they fit. It’s where they belong.” It just works forever.

It’s kind of for me, even though I’m not super tidy, it’s kind of exhilarating. When you say, “Ah, that is where that that fits perfectly and where it belongs and so it shall be.” To liken your own day and behavioral landscape similarly totally makes sense.

BJ Fogg
Yeah, that’s right on, right on. Let me go a little further with that. People often ask how long does it take to create a habit. I don’t know why people ask that because there’s no simple answer.

If you pick a tiny behavior you want and if you find where it fits in your day naturally, that habit will just click. It will just come together and it will feel like magic, like, “Oh my gosh, I’m doing these pushups just without thinking,” or “I’m tidying my desk,” or “I’m flossing,” what have you.

If it doesn’t, if you create a recipe, if you go, “I’m going to put pushups after breakfast. After breakfast, I’ll do pushups.” I can pretty much tell you that’s not going to work well for a few reasons. But let’s say you do that and it doesn’t work. Revise. Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t put a Post It note up to remind you. Just go, “Oh, I put it in the wrong spot of my day. Let me find another spot.”

Just like you would if you put a chair, you bought a new chair and you bring it into your living room and you put it somewhere and it’s like that didn’t really work there. You move it somewhere else and you go on with life. You don’t get down on yourself you put the chair in the wrong spot. You revise and you revise and you revise until you find the right spot.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. I want to get a quick tidbit and this could probably be a whole other interview, but when it comes to – you talk a lot about behavioral change internally for yourself, one person. If you want to encourage behavioral change in others or at work or on teams, what are some of the best practices?

BJ Fogg
Let me split this into two buckets. One bucket we won’t go to unless you tell me to. If you’re trying to get people to change in ways they don’t want to change, yeah, there’s approaches to that, but let’s not go there unless you really want me to.

Let’s take the other one, where people are open to change when they want to change. What you need to do in that case is match them with a behavior or a new habit that will help them reach their aspiration.

Let’s say somebody comes to me and says, “Oh, I just really want to be more productive.” Okay, that’s an aspiration. You have the opportunity at that point to give them a very specific behavior that would help them be more productive. Now there are dozens if not hundreds of options in the specific behavior.

That’s where the art and the genius of behavior change comes in. I call it behavior matching. You need to match that person with a behavior number one that will take them to their aspiration. There’s three characteristics.

Number one, it needs to lead them toward their aspiration, say of being more productive because if it doesn’t have impact, then it’s a bad match. Number two, it needs to be a behavior that they want to do, at least part of them wants to do. Don’t match them with something they don’t want to do. Number three, it needs to be a behavior they can do.

Notice those last two. One is they need to have motivation and they need to have ability. Notice the requirements of the two of the three characteristics for behavior matching is make sure they have some motivation for it and ability. Then, of course, it needs to have impact. It needs to lead to their aspiration.

If you can match people effectively, you don’t have to worry about motivating them because they already want to do it. Then all you have to worry about is what’s going to prompt the behavior. What’s going to remind them to do the behavior? In the Tiny Habits method you find an existing routine, but there are other ways to prompt to remind people.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. BJ, tell me, anything else you really want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

BJ Fogg
Well, I’m surprised I’m saying this, but I will. One, I looked over some research that had about 3,000 entries of how people – habits people wanted to stop. It listed their habits and how they felt about it and so on. I skimmed through it and when I got to the end of that I was like, “Oh my gosh, people are so hard on themselves. They’re so worried about the smallest little habits that are no big deal.”

I guess, and this is becoming a bigger part of my work, which is I guess why I’m bringing it up now, people just need to have more compassion for themselves and more – man, just don’t expect yourself to be perfect.

I’ll explain that a little bit more. Especially in today’s world, in today’s climate of fighting and discord and harshness, there’s got to be a group of us who are more compassionate and understanding and accepting of those around us and we need to do that for ourselves as well.

Just I guess in some ways lighten up, in some ways lower your standards or be more patient with the process of change. Just have – here’s the metaphor I’m writing into my book. I’ll share this. Here’s this little baby that’s just learning to walk. She’s taking these small steps forward and once in a while she tumbles and she gets up. When the baby tumbles, you don’t get mad at her, right?

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

BJ Fogg
She just gets back up and progresses. If you, yourself, is that little baby that’s trying to do this hard thing, like eat differently or sleep better or exercise consistently, and you’re just taking these little baby steps, you’re learning how to make it work, you’re going to have tumbles, don’t get down on yourself, just realize that’s part of the process and just get up and keep going.

Pete Mockaitis
How about a favorite book?

BJ Fogg
Well, the book I’m reading right now. I have many, many favorite books, but the book I just picked up that I’m reading is called The Natural Navigator: The Rediscovered Art of Letting Nature be Your Guide. It tells you – it’s terribly impractical for everyday life, but, again, it’s connecting to nature theme.

It tells you how do you find your way and navigate your way in the world if you don’t have any instruments and how to use the wind and the sun and the stars and all of that. It’s just fascinating.

Pete Mockaitis
Thank you. How about a favorite tool?

BJ Fogg
Wow, many, many favorite tools. One of them, I’ll pick a behavior change tool. One of them is a little timer that I have that’s very, very easy to set.

If there’s something that I’m procrastinating like looking over a legal document or filing my finances or things I don’t like, I take the time and I set it for three minutes or seven minutes. I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to file these papers for three minutes. As soon as the timer goes off, I can stop.”

Now, what happens is almost always, once you get going you keep going, but see you trick yourself with this tool into getting started.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Now, this timer, is it a – how do I get it?

BJ Fogg
Well, I will send you a link to it. It’s a little kitchen timer. It’s a very, very small one.

One of my students just sent me a different timer. I happen to have it right here that’s a cube. I’m playing around with this. As you turn the cube it has – this one has 1, 5, 10 and 15 on it – as you turn it on its side to 1, it starts and it flashes. Then when it’s done it will go off and you set it upright and it ends.

I’m goofing around with this new – because he sent it to me. He’s like, “This is even easier than your timer.” He knows that I’m obsessed with simplicity, so I’m trying this one.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool, thank you. Tell me, is there a particular nugget that you share that really seems to connect and resonate and get folks retweeting and repeating it back to you?

BJ Fogg
Well, one of the surprises was after I read that research on how hard people are on themselves, I just said, “Man, maybe we all just need to lower our standards a little bit.” People really resonated with that.

There is just so many people that are feeling defeated and just beaten down and so on. Social media is not helping. Just kind of remember what I said about – three minutes ago about you don’t have to be perfect. Just have compassion for yourself. Just recognize your successes and don’t let your failures get to you.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. If folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

BJ Fogg
BJFogg.com is kind of the launch point. You can go to TinyHabits.com as well. But if you go to BJFogg.com, eventually it points you out to other places. Yeah, there’s stuff there about how behavior works, behavior design, Tiny Habits, some pointers to my earlier projects that had to do with experiments around computers influencing people’s behavior and so on.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

BJ Fogg
Yeah. Here it is. Right down an aspiration you have. You may think of it as a goal, whatever you want to call it. Write it down. Then spend five minutes and come up with specific behaviors that would lead you to the aspiration.

Let’s say you want to be a better public speaker, “I want to be a-“ write that down. Then think well, what behavior could I do that would lead me to become a better public speaker. It might be watch TED talks, read a book on public speaking, sign up to give presentations at work, hire a speaking coach, and so on.

Come up with ten or so behaviors and then choose one or two and execute on those. What you’ve done in that exercise is you’ve gone pretty quickly through the behavior design flow, what’s the aspiration, what are the behavior options. Don’t just guess. Come up with a bunch and then match yourself with one or two of those and then move forward on those.

Pete Mockaitis
Perfect. Well, BJ thank you so much for taking this time and sharing the goods. It’s been inspiring for me and everyone I’ve shared it with individually. It’s great to be able to do this on a bigger scale here with the whole listenership. It’s been a treat. Thank you and best of luck.

BJ Fogg
Pete, thanks so much. Thanks so much.

309: Preventing Burnout in Yourself and Your Whole Organization with PwC’s Karlo Siriban and Anne Donovan

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Karlo Siriban and Anne Donovan say: "If you don't ask for what... you need, then you're going to end up leaving at the wrong time."

PwC employees Karlo Siriban and Anne Donovan share their story of preventing burnout within themselves and transforming a whole work environment to prevent it for others.

You’ll Learn:

  1. Key signs that burnout is looming near
  2. How to talk to your boss about your burnout
  3. How PwC rolled out a broad flexibility initiative and saw retention soar

About Karlo & Anne

Karlo Siriban transforms businesses. He understand companies’ missions and develop strategies to achieve and frameworks to execute their visions successfully. He is a strategic, creative thinker, not afraid to challenge the status quo to achieve more effective and efficient results.

Anne Donovan is the U.S. People Innovation Leader at PwC. She’s responsible for strategy and innovation around culture change. She has a strong background in operational effectiveness and in engaging and supporting the firm and its people in leading positive change, including a variety of initiatives related to the work environment, workforce demographics and business model change.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Karlo Siriban & Anne Donovan Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Karlo and Anne, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Karlo Siriban
Thanks for having us.

Anne Donovan
Happy to be here.

Pete Mockaitis
I think we’re going to have a lot of fun with this one. A little different and but different good. First Karlo, I want to hear where are we with the Hamilton audition process? What’s the tale here?

Karlo Siriban
Do you want the whole background of it?

Pete Mockaitis
I’d like to hear – you’re into music. How did you say, “You know what? This is a thing I’m going to go for?”

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, I’ve always been into performance, particularly in stage musicals and singing. I used to do it all throughout my schooling, from elementary school all the way through college. Then when I started work it all just stopped. Work was my number one goal and wanting to do well was what I wanted to do. I found myself just wanting to – naturally wanting to go back into performing.

Hamilton, this was I think two and a half – three years ago, Hamilton was just becoming big in New York and they were having open casting calls. Unfortunately, I travel for work Monday through Thursday, Monday through Friday every week, so I couldn’t go to the open calls. My fiancé, my now fiancé, luckily saw some fine print at the bottom that said if you can’t make it please send in a video audition.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay.

Karlo Siriban
I was very hesitant to. I didn’t want to, but she pushed me to do it. My video was sitting out there for a couple of months. After about three – four months I got a call that they wanted me to attend some callback auditions. About 12 auditions later I was at the final callbacks for Hamilton.

Pete Mockaitis
12.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh man. Well, they’ve got to do something to justify that high ticket price.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. The excellence that goes into it. 12, wow. What happened after the 12?

Karlo Siriban
After the 12 unfortunately my journey ended there. I’m still in contact with some of the casting agents there.

But for the past year I’ve really been focusing on my career and getting a promotion. That was my goal this year, which fortunately I’ve gotten.

Karlo Siriban
Now that I’ve achieved that I’m going to be going back into auditioning for shows, not just Hamilton but Off Broadway and Broadway shows. Luckily I’m based in New York, so makes it a little easier.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s cool. That’s cool. Talk about career. Can you orient us a little bit to PWC and your role within it?

Karlo Siriban
Yup. PWC, big four public accounting firm. We structure ourselves within three lines of service. Assurance, which offers your basic accounting services. You have tax and you have advisory which covers consulting. I work in our advisory line of service. I’m an advisory consultant and I focus on large-scale business transformation.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. All right. Well, I worked in strategy consulting at Bain. You say you travel a lot. You’re on the client site and you’re meeting with executives and such and plenty of slides I imagine.

Karlo Siriban
Oh absolutely. My life is on PowerPoint.

Anne Donovan
You know it well.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, so I see the picture there. I want to hear the story of you notice you were starting to feel kind of burnt out. Can you share with us what was going on and what were sort of the indicators like, “Uh oh, something needs to change here?”

Karlo Siriban
Yeah. This was about three years ago. Just the general travelling every week it started to take a toll on me. Waking up on Monday mornings to go catch a plane wasn’t as enticing anymore. I was having trouble focusing at work. Then even outside of work in my personal life, I found myself not as willing to go try new things, willing to go out with friends and family.

I realized something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was. I think most people when you hit that point, you sort of think, “Oh, what are the stressful things in my life.” For me that was work. I realized here’s my burnout. Something I don’t think a lot of people realize is yeah, there may be things stressing you out, but sometimes adding things to your life can help alleviate that burnout.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah.

Karlo Siriban
For a lot of people, and I think this is said very often, is “Oh, go, wake up in the morning and go exercise.” That can really help you gain more energy and more happiness throughout the day. I tried that for a little bit, wasn’t working.

I realize what makes me happy. What is it? It was music. I turned back to music. It started with joining an a cappella group and just practicing and playing music in my house, finding time to play music in my apartment and at some pubs around New York City.

Slowly that just added up to the Hamilton audition and getting involved in more and bigger things. But I found myself having added that to my life, it was giving me more energy within work and it was helping me focus. It was just keeping me happy and keeping me satisfied, keeping my whole self-satisfied.

Pete Mockaitis
That is an awesome insight because when you’re in that mode, that zone of burnout, overwhelm, there’s too much, the thought of taking on an additional thing is like, “Are you crazy? I’m just trying to keep it together right now? I can’t imagine adding something.” You’re saying, “Oh, no, no. Adding something, in fact, is an improvement as opposed to more overwhelm.”

Karlo Siriban
Mm-hm, absolutely. I think it’s because when you add something that you’re passionate about, you’ll naturally find time to make it happen. That means saying no to things and managing your time a little more effectively just by the nature of wanting to do something you’re passionate about.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s cool. I want to hear about the part in which you shared this with some folks at PWC, like I imagine that could be a little nerve-wracking in terms of saying, “Hey, I’m feeling burnt out.” You’re just like, “Oh, they’re going to think I’m weak,” or you’re not up to the high standards of performance or not an achiever, high potential.

What was going on inside your head and how did you have that conversation?

Karlo Siriban
I think that’s a very natural thought to have. You described it perfectly. Just going – the way PWC is structured, it’s a partnership structure. The partner is the be all, end all to your group and feels like your career sometimes.

I was saying to myself, “I need to make this – I need to have protected time for myself to be able to do this, to be able to pursue this.” Because traveling every week and working 40 to 60 however many hours a week, it becomes a lot.

My partner, very high performing, very focused on results. My career up until that point, I had also been focused on that. I had been very aligned with the firm first and work first and wanting to be a high performer. I thought that my idea of making time for myself wouldn’t gel with what I thought was the firm’s idea of what an employee should be.

I had spent time talking to a coach during one of our leadership conferences, talking to a coach about how I structure this and how I can present this. A week afterwards after some intense structuring sessions and messaging sessions, I went up to my partner and talked to him about it expecting the worse. It ended up being extremely easy.

He was extremely supportive of what it is I wanted to do and the passion I had. I think what helped that conversation was the fact that he knew I was devoted and dedicated to work and still performing at a high level. He also knew how passionate I was about music, and about singing, and about performing. He saw that as a way for me to sort of flex my creative muscle and flex my professional muscle.

I think the coaching that he received and the coaching that I received, it’s just a – there’s this culture of everybody’s a person. Our number one piece of capital or our number one investment at the firm is people. If you don’t keep your people happy, if you don’t keep your people trained, if you don’t keep your people whole, then what good is having them in a firm like this at PWC?

Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. I’m intrigued. This coach, that was provided by PWC?

Karlo Siriban
Yes, my coach was provided by PWC. There is a – when you make senior associate, so this is about three – four years into your career, you’re sent to a leadership conference to sort of develop – it’s called Discover.

It’s to develop yourself, to discover within you what drives you, what motivates you, why are you here and what best parts about you can you bring back to your professional life and to your personal life to improve everything.

In that session, it’s about a week long, they assign everyone a career coach to help talk to you about those topics. Your career coach is – most of them I believe are non-PWCers if not all of them are non-PWCers. Anne, you can keep me honest on that one.

Anne Donovan
Yup.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, they have a very objective point of view in how you can develop yourself, which I think is refreshing.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s great.

Karlo Siriban
That the firm would do that.

Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. I’ve done some coaching and I would love to be participating in that. That sounds really cool. Were there some follow-ups then or it all happened within the context of that one event?

Karlo Siriban
That one event is where it – where that idea blossomed. Towards the end of that week I had a formal discussion with my coach. Probably four weeks afterwards there were follow-up sessions, where we just spoke to each other over the phone, over Facebook, over text to help me build up the courage to actually have that conversation.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. You said you worked a lot on the structuring and messaging. Were there any choice words, phrases, sentences that you thought, “Oh yeah, that’s perfect. I’ve got to make sure to say that,” and you thought that they landed outstandingly when you had that conversation with the partner?

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, actually in forming my thoughts and my message, initially I had completely neglected to address the fact that I still wanted to be at the firm and I still wanted to be a high performer. Initially it was all about I need to go into music and I need to spend my time making music.

He helped me form it in such a way that I do want to make music but it doesn’t mean I want to leave this behind. It doesn’t mean that I – that you should expect less from me. In fact, you should expect the same from me and this will help me focus and help me deliver for you and for the firm.

Pete Mockaitis
That is a nice turn of a phrase. You should not expect less from me. In a way that’s kind of inspiring on multiple levels in terms of 1) you’re making a commitment and so you want to rise up and live up to it and 2) it’s like oh good, this doesn’t mean – “Karlo’s great, but hey, I guess not everyone can be the hardcore rock star, all-star, so I guess I’ll have to put him in the sort of maintenance mode as opposed to gunning for it mode.”

That’s really cool. You had the conversation, went super well. Any kind of pro tips when it comes to if others are feeling the burnout kind of beginning to settle in, how should they go about doing some reflection or engaging in that conversation?

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, I think everyone should take some time to slow down first. When people are approaching burnout mode it’s often when they’re very stressed. When you’re stressed you get into this panic mode and you need things to happen fast and you want things to happen fast. When that happens, you have a tendency to take missteps or to make decisions irrationally.

I think when that happens it’s important to take some time to breathe and to, like you said, reflect on everything about your life, not just work, but home and your friends and your community, and your spirituality, reflect on all of that and understand where your life stands on all of those places. Once you have that view, then try to build a plan about how you try to improve it. It’s all – just take that breath.

Pete Mockaitis
That is good, yes. When it comes to the fear, I guess bosses come in all shapes and sizes and varying levels of receptiveness to such a conversation, so any thoughts in terms of – that was a great sentence in terms of “don’t expect less from me” but any other thoughts to address the fear like, “I can’t tell my boss that?”

Karlo Siriban
That’s a tough question because you’re right every boss is different. I think if you build an open, honest – if you’re lucky enough to be able to build an open, honest relationship with your boss, that conversation will always be easier in real life than it is in your head.

If you have a challenging boss or if you have a challenging work environment, regardless I think it’s important to be open and honest with yourself first and to assess how your view of what will make you happy in the future fits in with your career.

Pete Mockaitis
Mm-hm.

Anne Donovan
Pete, can I add something here?

Pete Mockaitis
Oh yeah.

Anne Donovan
I just can’t help myself. What I always advise our staff is if they don’t step up to ask for what they want, the end result is they’re going to quit the firm. They’ll go along and keep doing what they’re being asked to do and do it really, really well, and get into burnout mode. Then the end result is they quit the firm. Then the firm ends up being the loser.

I actually believe in most cases the staff ends up being the loser too because they end up quitting the firm at the wrong time. Because I do believe that most people end up quitting the firm. We don’t have a partnership that has thousands, and thousands, and thousands of partners. Ultimately we know people will end up leaving the firm.

But you want to leave the firm, and I tell staff this including my family, who are staff, you want to leave the firm at the right time, when it’s the right time and you have the right job. If you leave the firm at the wrong time, you’re the loser.

If you don’t ask for what you want and get the work environment that you need, then you’re going to end up leaving at the wrong time. There is absolutely no harm in asking for what you want, no harm at all. You might get a no, but probably you’re not going to. But if you don’t ask, the answer is always going to be no.

Pete Mockaitis
Right.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah.

Anne Donovan
I just – I say this every single time I sit in front of anyone who will listen to me. You must ask the question. You must ask for what you want because probably what you’re asking for is absolutely not unreasonable. You’ve got to ask for it. You’ve got to create the work environment that you need to make your life happy. It will more than likely be accommodated.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, that’s extremely true, what you said. The worst that happens is they say no. What happens there is now your want and your passion is out there and people are thinking about it and people have talked about it rather than you’re in the status quo and nothing changes.

Pete Mockaitis
Certainly and you have some more clarity for your own decision making. It’s like, “Okay, well-“

Anne Donovan
Absolutely. Now you know.

Pete Mockaitis
“I need this and I can’t get it, so maybe I should-“

Anne Donovan
That’s right.

Pete Mockaitis
“-put a little more effort towards …”

Anne Donovan
That’s exactly right. But at least you know as opposed to making up in your head what the answer is going to be.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great.

Anne Donovan
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, Karlo, can you give us the lay of the land now in terms of your burnout-ness in terms of – the Hamilton audition has come and gone but there will be new opportunities? How‘s your day-to-day in terms of energy and stress and motivation?

Karlo Siriban
It’s – I’ve become much better at identifying when I’m getting close to burnout. I’m happy to say in the past two years I haven’t approached burnout at all.

Also, just having put out wanting to perform out there, I’ve been more involved in internal PWC initiatives for performance. For example, this summer PWC has what they call a Promotion Day, where everybody who’s getting promoted gets promoted at the same time.

In New York they throw a large event and I’m leading a band, a band of about 12 of us. We’re playing a 45-minute set for all of our colleagues in New York.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s fun. That’s really cool. Could you unpack a little bit of what are some of the early wanting signs? Before full burnout is upon you, what are the little indicators like, “Uh oh, getting kind of closer?” What is that for you internally?

Karlo Siriban
For me it’s if I find myself waking up later and later.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, that’s very specific. Thank you.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah, very specific.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. Any other indicators?

Karlo Siriban
It’s waking up later. I find myself being unable to focus at work. Just little things. If I have a quick – usually I’m pretty good about if I have a five-minute task that’s something that I can complete right away. I take that time out of my day. If I find myself those tasks are taking longer, I push them off further and further, then I find myself I need to reassess what’s happening in my life and refocus.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Cool. Awesome success story. So glad to hear it that you came to the brink and came back and you’re wiser for having done so and have a more fun work and life situation going on there.

Anne, could you maybe broaden the scope of the conversation a little bit, so beyond Karlo’s story. You’ve got a full blown flexibility initiative. What’s the story with that at PWC?

Anne Donovan
Yeah, we are in year six of that initiative. I will tell you that seven years ago we could not spell the word flexibility at PWC. We did some work, did lots of focus groups, kind of travelled around.

Actually we did a lot of work studying our Millennial population and did some actually pretty scientific work, taking a look at what our Millennials wanted verse our Gen-Xers and got some pretty good data around the kind of top three things our Millennials wanted.

We’re pretty – got some pretty solid information that although they certainly wanted to be paid well and wanted stuff that the rest of us wanted, flexibility was in the top three things that Millennial wanted out of the workplace.

Pete Mockaitis
What are the other two things and how did that compare to the other generations?

Anne Donovan
Yup. Top three things Millennials want out of the workplace based on our study: flexibility, appreciation and support from their supervisors, and teamwork. They wanted to work on teams that they felt worked well together. It was really about the work environment for Millennials.

For Gen-X it was about having control over their work, working on good stuff, so really good kind of developmental stuff, and pay. For Gen-X it was about the real kind of traditional stuff that we had set up the work environment around, the traditional work environment which was like, “We’re going to pay you well and you’ve got a lot of autonomy. We’re going to give you good stuff.”

Then Millennials come into the workforce and they’re like, “Well, we want to feel good and we want you to appreciate us. We want flexibility.” Those two things had a – there was a big gap between those two things.

Pete Mockaitis
Understood.

Anne Donovan
We had this data and said, “Whoa, we’ve got to change the work environment.” Because we had autonomy, we had good pay. We still have good pay, but we had this setup that was appealing to the prior generation and we had this entire set of workers who said that we want to feel good. We changed the entire – we shifted the entire environment.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. What are some of the prongs or components of the flexibility initiative?

Anne Donovan
Well we started our work. We started at the top. Got our partners all understanding the business case for it, all understanding that if we wanted to keep this entire new generation of worker, we had to really completely turn the environment on its head.

It all was based on trust, first set of rules was you didn’t have to earn flexibility. You walked in the door earning flexibility. Everyone is trusted with the work that they’re set out to do. You don’t have to have face time to earn your stripes.

We’ve got all the technology in the world. You can do it sort of whenever, wherever, however. I say however, we have all of our standards, etcetera, but what I mean is you don’t have to sit next to the guy to get your work down.

Now, that doesn’t mean that every single day we’ve got people working all over and wherever they want. But it means that in general if you’ve got to go leave tomorrow at 3 o’clock and our people work hard, but if you’ve got to go leave at 3 o’clock and you’re going to come back online at 7 o’clock to make your life work.

By the way, making your life work doesn’t mean you have to have a doctor’s appointment. It means I’m going to go play softball. We were very careful about that, Pete, because we don’t – it doesn’t have to be an emergency.

It doesn’t also have to be childcare. It doesn’t have to stuff that’s another job, that’s another thing to do. It can be because I want to do this thing that’s fun. I want to go audition. We were very careful to make sure that people understood that. It’s because you want to have life. We were very explicit about that.

We just started talking about it. We started making the leaders and the partners and the managers understand that that was how it was going to be from here on out. It really did take us three – four – five years to get the culture sort of inculcated with these messages, but we’ve done it.

I will tell you, flexibility is on every single person’s lips in the firm. You do not have to ask for it. You do not have to apply for it. You don’t have to plan for it. It’s just there.

I work from home. I don’t – I don’t hide it. My dog barks in the background. I don’t care. It’s where I am. I get on video. I’ve got bed hair. It doesn’t matter. It’s just the way it is. I’m so, so proud of it. It’s just fantastic because it’s who we are. We trust each other. We don’t have to slap on a uniform to get the job done.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s really cool. I’m curious to hear during that kind of transition time, were there some key kind of rocky moments or rocky obstacles or leaders who weren’t on board or abusers of flexibility? How did that emerge?

Anne Donovan
Actually we had less abusers than we had leaders who weren’t on board. We definitely had guys and gals who took a long time to come around. But that’s just – that’s the way life is. Change is hard.

It just took – it really took our leaders at the top, our senior partner was all about it and he pushed us hard to – he made every day a flex day. We actually changed our time reporting system that you didn’t have to report time every day. He pushed us hard to really change processes and procedures and to just push the firm to make things happen.

Eventually – I suppose there’s some pockets out there where we’ve still got holdouts, but they’re pretty few and far between. I will tell you, we have not had a – we have not had abusers.

I now speak too in front of groups frequently and I speak to clients who are interested in what we’ve done. We get asked about what policies we put in place and what are the written rules. I’ll tell you, we were lucky. We did not put policies in place. We did not put written rules in place. Like I said, you don’t have to apply for anything. It’s all based on trust.

Now, we are lucky, Pete, we don’t – these are all salaried employees, so we don’t have a lot of wage and hour laws and things like that. We don’t have union workers because we’re a salaried group of people. We didn’t have a lot of those kinds of things to worry about in our work environment.

But we really – we didn’t deal with a lot of rules. We left people up to their own devices and we let groups of people out there on client engagements make their own rules and make it work for themselves and just hit their own deadlines. It magically worked very, very well.

Karlo, I will ask you to hold me accountable if that was not true on the ground, in the field.

Karlo Siriban
No, I think definitely the adoption took a while. You are absolutely spot on. But yeah, at this point, you’re right. It is on everybody’s lips. It’s on everybody’s mind. It holds true.

Pete Mockaitis
I want to hear a little bit more about – so previously there was a policy or rule to report time every day. What’s the new situation with regard to time reporting?

Anne Donovan
The new situation is you report your time in a week. As long as – if you’re a 40-hour worker, and most of us obviously report way more than 40 hours, you just have to cover your 40 hours some time over the week.

If you happen to cover those 40 hours in a two-day timeframe, the other three days don’t have to show the 40 hours. In other words, you can flex your time however it flexes for you. It used to be that you had to show how you covered those hours in five-days’ time so that you had to account for where you were. Now it just doesn’t matter. It’s just flexibility.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s great.

Anne Donovan
I know. It’s really cool.

Pete Mockaitis
You said many are reporting more than 40 hours.

Anne Donovan
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
What’s kind of the – I know, hey accounting, right? Folks can get fixated on numbers.

Anne Donovan
Yes.

Pete Mockaitis
Is there a sense – maybe either of you can tackle this one in terms of a number of hours that is good or too few versus too many or is it just kind of like, “Hey, it’s different every week and we’re all good with that?”

Anne Donovan
It is different every week. In general I would say most of our employees work more than 40 hours a week. It’s just how we run.

But if you’ve got weeks that aren’t as busy, certainly we want you to work 40 hours. That’s – we want people to take advantage of times that aren’t as busy knowing that if you’re working on a deal and you’re an advisory or if it’s busy season and you’re in auditor or tax, insurance or tax, you’re certainly going to work more that. It’s kind of an up and down business.

Pete Mockaitis
Sure. For the non-intense weeks are you still shooting for a 40 hour minimum?

Anne Donovan
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Or it’s kind of like, “Hey, last week was 70, so this week 20 is cool?”

Anne Donovan
No, I think we in general shoot for the 40.

Pete Mockaitis
Got you. I’m with you there. I’m curious to hear any other kind of pro tips or best practices if you say your clients are starting to ask, “Hey, how’d you pull this off?” in terms of having success with this kind of a shift or intervention.

Anne Donovan
Well, I just think that I have not met a group of workers and I’ve not met a client group that was not interested in this topic.

I think and I say this to these groups, if you can figure out a way to bring this to your organization, it’s really important. It is free to offer your employees. Again, if you can bring this into your workplace and you’ve got the kind of workforce that makes it easy. Again, not dealing with hourly employees or employees that clock in, I recommend it because it is free to offer and it means a lot.

Giving your employees the freedom to have some kind of flexibility in their work day, it really – it hits home. It’s a home run. Again, it doesn’t cost money to do it.

I will tell you, we took flexibility to the next level when we introduced flexibility of dress. We have what we call dress for your day now at PWC. That includes jeans. We just got rid of that whole concept of sort of the uniform. In all of our PWC offices we’re a jeans firm now.

We’ve always been a you’ve got to dress like your client. When we’re out at a – we-wear-suits clients, then we have to wear suits. But when we’re in our offices, we wear jeans too. That was a big home run with our staff as well.

Because, again, whatever kind of breath of fresh air you can bring to your staff, why not do it? Again, a freebie. We can bring it and make our staff happy, so we did it. We’ve kind of brought that in under the flexibility umbrella as well.

Just trying to – life is kind of hard enough, work is kind of hard enough, anything you can bring in that just breathes some air into the place, that’s what we’re trying to do.

Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. Can you share a little bit from all of these efforts, are you seeing – what’s the lift looking like in terms of before/after attrition or retention rates?

Anne Donovan
We’ve got really – we’ve had some really good impact on our retention. That’s one of our – both our retention and our engagement scores on our annual survey. For us retention is a big deal. Turnover is very costly in a firm like ours. We’ve had a big hit on our retention rate. We’re seeing actual very nice dollars flow straight to our bottom line, which makes me very happy.

Pete Mockaitis
Excellent. Could you give us a rough sense of what kind of proportion lift you’re talking about here?

Anne Donovan
Yeah, well. Yes. The sort of conventional wisdom is then when someone walks out the door it costs the firm about 100,000 dollars. Every head that stays around is a savings to us and that’s all – that includes all kinds of things: training costs, replacement costs.

When you can keep someone around it saves a lot of money. We have 50,000 people, so when you think about even saving 1% of your people, that’s – on 50,000 people that’s a lot of money.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh certainly. Roughly what extra percentage of your people are you saving as a result of all this?

Anne Donovan
Well, we’ve certainly seen a good – probably – my boss probably wouldn’t want me quoting our retention rates, but I will tell you that we’ve seen some really good savings on retention rates. I better leave it at that.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, then. Well, any final thoughts before we shift gears to hear about some of your favorite things?

Anne Donovan
No, again, I just – I think we’re afraid – we’re afraid of change. We as leaders think that these kinds of changes are going to wreak havoc because we’re going to see abuse in the system.

I guess my advice to leaders is that I think you’ll see less abuse then you think you’re going to see. I would take the leap on something like flexibility because I think you’ll see much more benefit than you’ll see abuse. I guess that’s my big piece of advice.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh cool. Thank you. Well, now Anne or Karlo, whoever’s feeling it in the moment. Let’s hear about some of your favorite things. Is there a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Anne Donovan
Karlo, I’ll let you go first.

Karlo Siriban
The quote I always say is, it’s a Rolling Stone quote, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.”

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome.

Anne Donovan
Oh, I love that, Karlo. It’s so much hipper than anything I was going to come up with.

Mine’s not a quote. I just try every single day to remember what I’m grateful for because I think we can get caught up in how hard life is.

I really – before my feet hit the ground in the morning, I don’t let myself get out of bed before I remember the things for which I am very, very grateful. However small those things might be, that might be my wonderful soft pillow, but I have a lot to be grateful for and I just really, really try to live in that gratitude.

Pete Mockaitis
Awesome. How about a favorite study or experiment or a bit of research?

Anne Donovan
Oh my gosh, mine is the Millennial study. I’m happy that is a public report. I’m happy, Pete, to make that available if anyone wants to take a look at it.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, yes, please. We’d love to link to that.

Pete Mockaitis
Fair enough, fair enough. How about a favorite book?

Anne Donovan
Mine is Maya Angelou, Why the Caged Bird Sings.

Karlo Siriban
Mine is How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston.

Pete Mockaitis
I met him at a book signing and I have a signed copy of How to Be Black on my shelf.

Karlo Siriban
Really?

Pete Mockaitis
I did, yes.

Karlo Siriban:
Oh you lucky duck.

Pete Mockaitis
He’s good friends with my buddy, Mawi, who was episode number one. Small world. He’s a funny guy. He deliberately said the opposite of what I asked him to say in the inscription. I said something like, “Can you say that I’m tough or a baller.” I don’t remember what I asked for, but he said, “You are so not a baller.”

Anne Donovan
I love it.

Pete Mockaitis
I guess I have to get rid of this book now. Very good.

Anne Donovan
I love it.

Pete Mockaitis
How about a favorite tool, something that helps you be awesome at your job?

Anne Donovan
My phone. I can’t live without it. My phone, which I look at every day for everything.

Karlo Siriban
Mine is my new ergonomic mouse.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, tell us all about it. What is it? Where can I buy it?

Karlo Siriban
I got it off of Amazon. Without plugging too hard, it’s an Anchor mouse. It turns your wrist so it’s like you’re shaking a hand.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, right. Yes.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Very cool.

Karlo Siriban
My arms feel so much better now.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s a good move. Yeah. Let’s link that too.

Tell us, is there a particular nugget that you find yourself saying often that really connects and resonates with people?

Anne Donovan
Breathe. Just breathe everybody.

Karlo Siriban
Yeah.

Anne Donovan
Oh I actually – no, I shouldn’t say this on the air. I have three staff and they are all women. They all happen to be women. I have two grown kids. I have 21-year-old twins.

Every time my kids irritate me I always type to these gals in text #don’thavekids. These three women all have young babies at home so that’s our team motto #don’thavekids. We always laugh at each other #don’thavekids. That’s our motto – team motto to all of us who have a bunch of kids.

Pete Mockaitis
It’s too late I have a five-month-old.

Anne Donovan
Oh my gosh, Pete, I’m going to put you on our Twitter – on our tweet #don’thavekids there you go.

Pete Mockaitis
I’m honored. Thank you.

Karlo Siriban
I have one from my grandfather. He always says “ayos lang” which is Tagalog. It’s the Filipino language. It just means it’s going to be okay.

Anne Donovan
Lovely.

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. Thank you.

Anne Donovan
Lovely.

Pete Mockaitis
Karlo, Anne if folks want to get in touch or learn more, where would you point them?

Karlo Siriban
Anne, I leave that to you.

Anne Donovan
Well, follow me on Twitter because I’m always tweeting about staff that we’re finding interesting. I’m going to send the study, Pete, so I’d like you to take a look at that.

I just think keep plugging away on the flexibility stuff. I guess that’s it. I think you’ve got to keep trying and ask for what you want people. Ask for what you want in your workplace because you have to be happy at work.

Pete Mockaitis
Karlo, any final thoughts in terms of a challenge or call to action?

Karlo Siriban
I challenge everyone to be more mindful of everything outside of work and outside of the things that stress you. You’re a whole person; treat yourself like a whole person.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Well, Karlo, Anne, this has been a whole lot of fun. Kudos for the good work that’s producing good results for people and profits. Keep it up.

Karlo Siriban
Thank you.

Anne Donovan
Yay, thank you for the opportunity.

Karlo Siriban
Had a great time.

306: Taking Care of Your Brain With Dr. Mike Dow

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Dr. Mike Dow says: "It's just really incredible that these... natural strategies are maybe really potent medicine."

Dr. Mike Dow speaks on how to keep your brain healthy and continuously improve its functionality.

You’ll Learn:

  1. Key foods that keep your brain healthy
  2. The types and benefits of different Omega-3s
  3. How and why to practice mindfulness every day

About Mike

Dr. Mike Dow is a psychotherapist, bestselling author, brain health expert and television personality. Inspired by his brother who suffered a massive stroke when he was just 10 years old, Dr. Mike made it his personal mission to help others in their quest for health and happiness. In his new book,

Heal Your Drained Brain: Naturally Relieve Anxiety, Combat Insomnia, and Balance Your Brain in Just 14 Days (Hay House), he shares information, actionable steps and guidance to naturally relieve anxiety, combat insomnia, and balance your brain in just 14 days. Dr. Mike has hosted series on TLC, E!, VH1 and Investigation Discovery. He is a recurring guest co-host on The Doctors, one of The Dr. Oz Show core experts and makes regular appearances on Today, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, The Talk and more. Dr. Mike holds a Master of Science degree in marriage and family therapy and a doctorate in psychology. Other bestselling books include The Brain Fog Fix and Healing the Broken Brain.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Dr. Mike Dow Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Dr. Mike, thanks so much for joining us here on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast.

Michael Dow
Thank you so much for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
I’d love to get started a little bit – normally we have sort of a fun opener, but your opener is kind of intense. You’ve got a tale of how your brother had a stroke at a young age that really shaped your whole path. Can you share a little bit of that with us?

Michael Dow
Yeah, so when my brother was just ten years old, he had a massive stroke. One doctor told us that his stroke was just too massive, the damage in his brain was just too bad, that we should just put him in a nursing home for the rest of his life, that physical and speech therapy probably wouldn’t help enough.

I saw what you can do if you use your brain in the right way, if you challenge yourself. Today, I can tell you that my brother – he still can’t use his right arm – but my brother is living a happy, independent life. He travels, he drives, he walks, he runs, all the things that people told us – one naysaying doctor told us that it would be literally medically impossible.

My brother did some of the things that I recommend in Heal Your Drained Brain and also my other books, like The Brain Fog Fix and that the book that my brother and I – my brother is also, by the way, now a published author because we wrote a book about stroke recovery, Healing the Broken Brain, omega-3 super foods, high doses of omega-3’s, challenging your brain each and every day in your work, in what you do.

You have the power to rewire, to work your brain each and every single day in novel and challenging experiences. That’s why I became a brain health expert because I saw what you can do in the little, the mundane, the challenges, in the spreadsheets, in speech therapy.

But it’s not just these formal therapy modalities; it’s what you do at your Mac, in front of your – in that Excel document, in challenging, in rewiring the brain. It’s kind of cool.

Pete Mockaitis
There’s already so much I want to follow up on here. I’m an Excel enthusiast myself. I have fallen off the train of taking my morning fish oil. Let’s maybe just very quickly touch on these before we lose the moment. Omega-3’s are a big deal, huh?

Michael Dow
They’re huge. Most Americans aren’t getting enough omega-3’s. There are two types of omega-3’s that are usable for the brain. In Heal Your Drain Brain, which is my latest book, there are two usable forms. People get really confused and most omega-3’s on the market – I was just having this conversation with a tech enthusiast the other day.

He was like, “Well, I’m just taking an omega-3.” I’m like, “Well, what kind of omega-3?” He’s like, “Well, I’m just going to start taking massive doses.” I’m like, “Well, are you taking a high EPA or are you taking high DHA?” He’s like, “Well, does that matter?” I said, “Well, yeah, it matters because there are different benefits for both.”

In Heal Your Drained Brain I talk about EPA as your stressless omega-3. In The Brain Fog Fix, I called it your feel better omega-3 because EPA is associated with better mood and less stress. If that’s your target – it also helps you to fall asleep because you have less anxiety.

If that’s what you want and that’s your problem, you want to look for an omega-3 supplement that has very, very high levels of the omega-3 EPA and very low levels of the omega-3 DHA. You want like a seven to one ratio. On the back of the bottle, you’d want something that says like EPA, let’s say like, something around like 700 milligrams and something around let’s say like 100 milligrams – or that’s the ballpark because they’re all a little bit different.

But if you want to think better – so in Brain Fog Fix I think I called DHA your think better omega-3 because that book was more about dementia prevention and brain fog. In Heal Your Drained Brain, I called it your sleep soundly omega-3 because DHA does two things. It’s all about cognition. It’s about dementia prevention and it’s about deep sleep.

If you’re somebody who is not sleeping soundly – so EPA helps you to fall asleep if it’s anxiety, but DHA in research helps to improve deep sleep. DHA if that’s what you want, then maybe you want an omega-3 that has higher levels of DHA or maybe you just want like a –

If you want both, then just get one of the vanilla supplements – not a vanilla flavored, but just an everyday omega-3 supplement because most supplements on the market have like a one-to-one ratio of EPA and DHA or a two-to-three ratio or a three to two.

But if you’re specifically targeting one of those targets in mood or cognition that I just mentioned, you may actually want to go higher on one or the other.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, now is the ratio what makes the difference or is it the dosage, that thought from the buddy you mentioned who’s just going to take massive doses, would that give me everything I want? I want better mood. I want better stress. I want to sleep faster and sleep deeper and think better.

Michael Dow
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
… bunch of both, would that do the trick or is the ratio important?

Michael Dow
Yes, yes. That’s a great question. It is both because they compete for space in your cells so that’s why the dose and the ratio matters.
We know from research that if you want the mood benefits, you can’t just take a ton and just think, “Oh, well, I’ll just take a ton of both because then I’ll get both benefits,” because the DHA actually sort of in your brain cells pushes the EPA out.

Then you can take a very, very high EPA dose of – let’s say for anxiety the research shows that you need if you want really potent anti-anxiety effects, you need about 2,000 milligrams of EPA, but you also need a seven-to-one ratio of EPA to DHA.

This is all in my book because I know it’s really confusing to people who are just listening to this really, really quickly. It’s all written down. I know you probably have show notes or something or they can get this transcribed.

It’s about both. It’s about the dosage but also the ratio because they compete for space in your cells. These two omega-3’s can sort of push each other out.

I’m also going to give you one more thing that is going to possibly confuse people and that is if you’re vegan, you’re probably not getting enough DHA because the vegetarian sources of omega-3’s like walnuts and flax seed convert to EPA but hardly any of that converts into DHA. You’re probably not getting DHA at all. The way to remedy that is to take a plant-based, algae-based DHA supplement.

I coined a phrase because it’s sort of my dietary philosophy that I preach in my books, it’s what I follow. I follow a Keto-Terranean diet, which is a Ketogenic plus Mediterranean, so Keto-Terranean.

The Mediterranean is the best diet for brain health, but I do a little bit of intermittent fasting and lower carb principle, so it’s Keto-Terranean. If you sort of put those two philosophies together or if you’re vegan, I would do a Kegan, sort of a Mediterranean but also a lower carb, sort of a Kegan diet.

Americans are really all or nothing thinkers. We get really obsessed with one thing and we use a lot of black or white thinking.

We get obsessed with like one thing and we do that, like it’s all Atkins all the time. Then okay, we’re going to throw that out the window. Now it’s all vegan all the time. There’s all of these different strategies make sense, but we kind of have to take a little bit of everything. We have to use a little grey area thinking.

This is very true for work too because I think there’s a lot of people out there who say, “Oh, just quit your job and just follow your dreams,” Well, yeah, but I also have to pay the rent and feed my children and have health insurance.

I think we have to sort of click all the boxes, which is why I was really excited to be on this podcast because I know that’s what you really talk to your listeners about. It’s how to click all the boxes at the same time, right?

Pete Mockaitis
Cool. Yes, thank you. Boy, we just went deep right away in terms of the EPA and DHA and all that.

But maybe could you paint a little bit of a picture in terms of just how much of a difference does this stuff make? Is it like I’ll be able to think 10% clearer or it’s like night and day, my cognition is transformed because of omega-3’s?

Michael Dow
You will feel a difference. There are some things – in Heal Your Drained Brain, some of the things you’re going to feel right away, some of the practices, some of the tools and tips and tricks and hacks that I give you, some of them are in the moment, here’s a little hack.

I just talked about identifying when polarized thinking shows up in your life. Let’s say you’re at work and you see some YouTube video and you’re like, “Yeah, I need to follow my dreams and quit my job,” and you realize, “Oh my God, that’s black and white thinking and I need to nip that in the bud.”

I need to realize how maybe I can – a great example is how can I use grey area thinking and have a side hustle and build my side hustle until that is generating enough income so that I can – when I left – I used to work for the Department of Mental Health in LA.

I heard this quote that I loved and it was, “Sometimes you have to jump and build your wings on the way down,” but I didn’t jump until – I was building a private practice while I was working for the Department of Mental Health.

For me, to just jump – I would say I did jump, but I had a soft landing. For me to jump and leave the department of Mental Health and leave my health care plan and all that would have been really sort of, it would have been sort of foolish. But I also believe in people following their dreams.

Then I jumped from private practice into writing books. I help people to follow their dreams all the time. But if you have three kids, I’m not going to tell somebody to quit their job with nothing built. I’m going to help you to sort of create stepping stones. Oh gosh, I digress.

Pete Mockaitis
Sure thing. I was just wondering, how substantial is the impact of some of these interventions?

Michael Dow
Yes, thank you.

Pete Mockaitis
Is omega-3’s the big one to start with?

Michael Dow
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
Or is it the black and white versus grey thinking-?

Michael Dow
Yes, thank you.

Pete Mockaitis
-that will give you the most bang for your buck?

Michael Dow
Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
I’d love to hear some hard-hitting numbers from the research and like, “Holy smokes, if I do this, I can see that.”

Michael Dow
Yeah, thank you. Omega-3’s – and I have a chapter in Heal Your Drained Brain about – I call probiotics the new Paxil. Both omega-3 dosing and just simply eating a probiotic and combining that with a prebiotic, like the prebiotic fiber in a banana or onions. By the way, Heal Your Drained Brain also has recipes in the appendix that helps you to do that.

We know from research – there was a really groundbreaking study at UCLA that had people – and this was not placebo effect. What they did to make sure it wasn’t placebo effect, they gave women in one group a dairy product that contained probiotics, so like yogurt that had those good gut bacteria and then they gave another group a dairy product, but they sort of took out the probiotics.

After a month, they scanned their brains and they assessed for their anxiety and they found that the women who consumed one – dairy products, like something as simple as drinking kefir. I say kefir. Some people pronounce it the fancy way, but-

Pete Mockaitis
Like Keifer Sutherland?

Michael Dow
Yeah, exactly.

Pete Mockaitis
Drinking Jack Bauer.

Michael Dow
Yeah, exactly. But just doing that will help to decrease your anxiety after 30 days in this research and they saw the changes in brain scans.

Similarly, omega-3’s after 30 days there was this research in Canada.

There are some people who need prescription medication. I’m not going to tell somebody who’s diagnosed with bipolar one disorder or schizophrenia to manage their symptoms with nutrition and exercise. I’m not going to do that. But most Americans are getting prescription anti-depressants from their primary care physician.

Here’s a study that came out of Canada. They gave people diagnosed with major depressive disorders, so we’re not talking about, “Oh, I just feel a little blue,” and they gave half of them the high EPA omega-3 that we started on. They gave the other half a prescription SSRI.

Pete Mockaitis
A selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor?

Michael Dow
Yes.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, we’re on the same page.

Michael Dow
So all these really popular medications, Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, Lexapro, all these medications that are so popular with Americans. They found that the high EPA, so it has to be that seven-to-one ratio that we talked about, was as effective in treating major depressive disorder as the prescription SSRI anti-depressant.

That to me is groundbreaking, like what. Why are so many Americans still taking these anti-depressants that cause weight gain, sexual side effects, emotional blunting.

There was also another study I believe that was out of Australia that was just published in the past year that found that the Mediterranean diet, of course I modify it as the Keto-Terranean diet with a little bit of lower carb intermittent fasting thrown in, not just prevented, but treated, was effective in treating major depressive disorder.

Are Americans, are they trying diet? Are they trying omega-3’s before they’re trying Paxil and Lexapro. Are they trying probiotics? Because listen, probiotics manufacture – there are different strains that manufacture GABA, serotonin in your gut. Those are the same two neurotransmitters that are manufactured by Xanax and Paxil.

To me it’s just – for lack of a better word, it’s crazy that we’re taking so many medications, which is why the subtitle in my book is – the word natural is in there because my book is chockfull of natural approaches to treating anxiety disorders, which are by the way, twice as common as depression.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in America. Not shocking because Americans are more stressed out than ever.

Pete Mockaitis
Intriguing. Well then that’s the anxiety side of things. Can you give us a perspective for when you’re talking about healing your brain drain, what are sort of the primary culprits of our brains getting drained in the first place and some of the other kind of really high leverage intervention?

It sounds like bad diet is big, but maybe could we get a little bit more precise, like these are some foods that are really troublesome.

Michael Dow
Yeah, well sugar shrinks your brain.

Pete Mockaitis
There you go.

Michael Dow
Here’s the thing.

Pete Mockaitis
Shrinks your brain.

Michael Dow
This is crazy. It shrinks a part of the brain, the hippocampus that makes you more resilient to deal with stress in the long term. It’s sort of a vicious cycle because the crazy thing is that when you are stressed out, you are more likely to crave sugar and flour and then you eat the sugar –

Okay, so let me – you’re sitting at your desk and you have an awful co-worker who gets on your nerves.

Pete Mockaitis
She’s the worst.

Michael Dow
And you have a boss. She is the worst. Then your boss calls you in for this meeting. You have this deadline and your kid is texting you or mom is texting you. You have stuff going on. It’s called life. Then what do you want to do? You want to reach for that bag of chips or you want to reach for that candy bar, whatever – that blood sugar spiking junk food.

Repeatedly – and listen, we all have our little cheats. My cheat food is macaroni and cheese. But what repeatedly when we spike our blood sugar with sugar, flour, soda, you name it, these junk food coffee beverages, so we put skim milk, high-sugar skim milk in our coffee or these sugar coffee beverages that have like 400 calories.

We shrink that part of our brain that in the long term helps us to remain resilient, so now we’re less likely to deal with stress and now we need more sugar and flour and pasta to deal with the stress and the cycle goes on and on and on.

I think the thing that really helps is cognitive behavioral therapy. I think in 2018 people are less likely to go therapy once a week just because we’re busier than ever and we have so many balls up in the air.

Listen, I have a private practice and I think people need it more than ever, but if you can’t go this week to your therapist, I think we need to realize that the way we interpret the events in our life, affects the way our brains are going to release what I call our three brain draining stress hormones, which are adrenaline, norepinephrine and cortisol.

I showed this on The Rachael Ray Show. I showed my graph. You want your cortisol levels – cortisol levels in general, we want them to be low, but we also want them to rise 50% when we wake up. That’s called the cortisol awakening response.

In a healthy brain, that stress hormone cortisol should rise 50%. That helps to wake you up. Then cortisol levels should slowly go down throughout the day.

For example, we can use high levels of vitamin C to bring down very generally high levels of cortisol and just one of the – I have hundreds of interventions in my book, but if the cortisol is not rising and falling at the appropriate time of day, we can use – there’s a chapter in my book, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia or CBTI, we adjust your circadian rhythms because there is an inverse relationship.

Cortisol rises when melatonin falls and vice versa. At night, when cortisol is falling, melatonin is supposed to be rising. Let me give you an example. It’s 10 PM and – so what are you doing at – let me ask you a question. What are you doing at 10 PM? Have you ever been doing something that you’re not supposed to be doing at night? Watching TV or checking your iPhone for emails?

Pete Mockaitis
I’m usually asleep, but it does happen sometimes Netflix, etcetera, 10 PM.

Michael Dow
Yup, I’m guilty.

Pete Mockaitis
With … of course, but still Netflix.

Michael Dow
I’m guilty of that as well. Netflix is bad, but checking your phone is even worse. If we’re checking our phone and a work email pops in. Americans are guilty of this.

We’re going to wear our work polo’s everywhere we go. We’re going to email – they’re going to email you at 11 PM and they’re going to expect you to work on a clock. That’s a cultural thing.

What happens when you get that email from your boss at 11 PM, your cortisol levels rise when they should be falling. Number two, the blue light from electronics sends a signal to the pineal gland in your brain to suppress melatonin production, so melatonin goes down when it should be going up.

Which means that you can’t fall asleep, which means that your circadian rhythms are off, which means that you have insomnia, which means that the next day when you go to work and you’re groggy, you’re much more likely to experience high levels of stress and anxiety and then the cycle, and then you’re more likely to drink a lot of caffeine, and then you’re less likely to fall asleep the next day.

You just feel cranky. Then the cycle gets worse and worse and worse.

When we can test for this with a simple saliva test, it gives us a little snapshot. I recommend that people test – because it is a one-day test, test it on a normal day. Like if you sleep terribly the night before and you have a kid and your kid didn’t sleep the night before, don’t test on that day. Test your saliva on a normal day, so we get a good snapshot of your cortisol levels.

But I think it’s really interesting that so many of these strategies are so natural so that people don’t have to rely so much on Xanax and Ambien and anti-depressants and we can rely more on probiotics and vitamin C and vitamin B rich foods. I’m obsessed with B vitamins and foliate and vitamin B 12 because they’re just so incredible for the brain.

Pete Mockaitis
Very cool. So given all of these potential levers, I’d love to get your take. If you’re a professional and if your brain is drained, and tired, and stressed, and stressed and not creative as a result of all these things, what would be sort of your top three, okay, this is easy and if you do it, you’ll feel a huge difference recommendations?

Michael Dow
Yeah, I think changing your diets is number one.

Pete Mockaitis
Less sugar.

Michael Dow
Less sugar. Well, can I give you my top three diet and then two others?

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, let’s do it.

Michael Dow
My top three diet recommendations because diet is – it’s just the most important thing we do. Less sugar, more omega-3’s and more B vitamins.

Of the B vitamins foliate – so get those – not folic acid. Folic acid is just terrible for you. If you’re supplementing, you want to look for methyl-foliate. Foliate converts to methyl-foliate. You want to get the more expensive form of foliate, so methyl-foliate.

The same thing goes for vitamin B 12. You want to get – you want to look at the back of the label. You want methyl-B 12 or what you can just do is get the natural forms of both by eating lots and lots and what I recommend in my book is seven servings of vegetables and whole fruits a day, lots of dark, leafy greens and remember, drinking fruit juice is like drinking a soda in terms of your blood sugar.

Don’t forget to eat your fruit, so whole fruits. If you want, you can just remember the little phrase, “Eat your fruits, drink your vegetables.” You can also eat your vegetables, but it’s okay, so I love drinking vegetable juice. Of course lemon and lime make a great low calorie – those are the fruits that it’s okay to squeeze lots of great lemon juice to cut that bitter vegetable flavor.

In terms of the three top practices to heal your brain, I love, and this is a chapter in my book, it has a sort of a funny – I actually got to – I don’t know if any of your listeners got to see it. This episode aired recently and hopefully it will replay and people can Google this, but I got to hypnotize Dr. Oz on his show.

Now hypnosis is really fascinating because it moves the brain into fast – from fast beta waves – and if you’re working on that spreadsheet at work, your brain on an EEG would read very fast – it would show very fast beta waves, which are associated with anxiety. Hypnosis moves it into very slow theta brainwaves, which are the brainwaves that you’re in when you’re dreaming.

No surprise, your dreams are usually very creative. Well, guess what? When you’re in hypnosis you tend to be very, very creative.

If you’re trying to solve a problem doing a little self-hypnosis and I have a script in the book that can help you to be really creative. If you are a tech executive or you’re an ad executive or you want to write a chapter in your book and you’re a little stuck, do a little self-hypnosis.

A little anecdote is when Thomas Edison was inventing the light bulb, when he tried to solve a problem, he would hold these ball bearings and he would take a nap. When we fall asleep we pass from beta down into alpha, which is in between, then into theta, then into delta, which is dreamless sleep.

But in order to get from awake to sleep, we pass through theta on our way down into dreamless sleep. At that point our bodies sort of go limp and he would drop the ball bearings and that would wake him up.

He knew that he would be in that creative state and he would then wake up and he would be more creative. We could say that that theta brainwave that you’re in during hypnosis helped Thomas Edison to invent the light bulb. Isn’t that cool?

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that is cool. I’m curious then, so there’s different brain states. The beta, I suppose, is useful if you were doing sort of the high-alertness, less creativity stuff.

Michael Dow
That’s right. That’s right.

Pete Mockaitis
Is there a way to get to there quickly if that’s what the situation calls for?

Michael Dow
Yeah, there is. You can put your – if you’re in a shared work space environment, if you’re working at a WeWork or a space like that, if you’re in one of these tech offices with no doors and no one has offices, you can put your Bose noise-cancelling headphones and you can put on hard rock music or any sort of like really fast music.

If you want to slow the brain down, you can put on really slow classical music. Because really slow heavy metal will help the brain go into a beta wave state. Or you can just think about something really stressful, but I don’t recommend that because sometimes those brainwaves are hard to get out of and you’re probably also going to release a lot of adrenaline and cortisol, which is not only cardio toxic, but also depresses your immune system.

But listen, beta brainwaves are great in small bursts and for shorts amount of time. They can be really helpful while you are trying to stay really focused.

What’s also interesting is that patients diagnosed with ADHD have too many theta brainwaves and not enough beta and patients with anxiety disorders have too much beta and not enough theta, which makes sense, right? If you’re brain is too fast, you’re anxious. If your brain is too slow, you have inattentive ADHD.

Pete Mockaitis
Can you give us the one-minute version of how does one do a self-hypnosis?

Michael Dow
Yeah, so the one-minute version is take yourself to a relaxed state. Imagine in your mind’s eye you’re going down an elevator from the tenth floor down to the first floor. See yourself in a really happy, peaceful place. Then see yourself solving whatever creative problem you need to solve.

Then once you have that answer, take yourself back up that elevator and then crack that computer code or that ad sale that you need to solve or that new chapter in your book.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay, good. So we’ve got the diet. We’ve got the self-hypnosis. What else?

Michael Dow
Mindfulness. I’m going to give your listeners a mindfulness hack. Some people think they have to go to some really fancy yoga meditation studio and pay 26 dollars. But the way, I love these new meditation studios and I love meditation apps.

But if you want to do something and you’re really busy just the next shower that you take, make that your meditation because all you have to do to be mindful and I have a little section on mindfulness in the book, is mindfulness is simply paying attention on purpose to the present moment.

We all, hopefully all your listeners shower, so all you have to do is pay attention to the smell of your soap or your shampoo and you have to pay attention to the temperature of the water on your skin and all of the skin receptors telling you that the skin is feeling the water running down the back of your neck. That’s sort of a shower meditation.

If you don’t have any extra time to take the L train into the city and to the yoga studio, then you can just take a five-minute shower, which hopefully you’re going to do anyway and you can make that into a meditation.

Then you can take a walk. You probably have to walk from your car or from the train into your office building and you can make that your meditation. You can put down your phone and turn your ringer off and on your lunch hour today. You can take a mindful walk. That will allow your brain to unplug.

A little hack, remember that – listen, I’m not somebody who – I’m a little bit of a hippy. I believe that we should choose natural strategies whenever we can, but I also love my iPhone and I love apps. But the electric signals are not great for our brain.

Instead of just turning your ringer off, what I recommend is give yourself a 20-minute practice over work and put your plane on airplane mode, turn of the Wi-Fi, turn off the towers because then your body is not getting all that radiation, the electrical signals and you’ll get a little break.

Take a 20-minute walk that will help you to actually be even more mindful. You can actually stop checking Instagram and you can just take a walk around the park and be mindful for those 20 minutes. It will just really change your brain and actually thicken the most human part of your brain, which is your prefrontal cortex, which is kind of cool.

Pete Mockaitis
When you say mindful, part of it is not looking at technology. What else makes a walk mindful?

Michael Dow
It’s simply using your five senses. Pay attention to three things that you see, two things that you can hear, one thing that you can taste, maybe another thing that you can smell. Maybe there’s even a taste landing on your tongue. Just pay attention to those five senses.

Those five senses that you are perceiving in the only moment when your life is unfolding, which is right here and right now as you’re walking will suck you into that present moment.

Pete Mockaitis
Lovely, thank you. Tell me, anything else you want to make sure to cover before we shift gears and hear a few of your favorite things?

Michael Dow
Yeah, I think just the power of relationships and connections. Whether or not you’re in a relationship, just remember – I’m actually doing this interview with you and Rocco is on my lap and I’m actually – he’s very high maintenance, so I actually prevent him from barking when I’m doing podcast interviews from home by petting him.

Oxytocin is an incredible – in Heal Your Drained Brain, I have those three brain draining stress hormones, which I already mentioned, but I also have the brain balancers. Those are the feel-good neurotransmitters, which include GABA, serotonin, and also oxytocin and some others that I mentioned in the book.

Remember that connection is potent. Whether or not you’re in a relationship, there are many ways you can release feel-good neurotransmitters. I’m releasing oxytocin just by petting Rocco right now, my little rescue – my tough guy who I rescued from South Central LA. It’s just – it’s amazing there are natural strategies we can use each and every moment.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh absolutely, it’s so exciting the stuff with oxytocin. We had Paul Zak, a big researcher in the field back in episode 124 and it’s so huge.

I’m curious when it comes to say petting the dog, is there a certain dosage. Like if I were to take a break and hang out with my precious baby Jonathan, just how much touch kind of releases a dose?

Michael Dow
Well, I would say the more the better. I don’t have a dose specific. I should measure that.

Because when it comes to the brain and also anxiety disorders, one of the pieces of research that I was most excited that I had to put in my book was the fact that intranasal oxytocin given to people who went through a trauma actually prevented them from developing post-traumatic stress disorder.

It’s just really incredible that these so-called hippy airy fairy quote natural strategies are maybe really potent medicine. I can’t – I’m just so excited about them. I have to – it’s why I was so called to write this book because I think people just need to know how incredibly potent and powerful they really are.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. Now can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Michael Dow
Yeah, I think it really was that quote, “Sometimes you have to jump and build your wings on the way down,” but the other quote that I really love that helped me was that, “It’s that intersection where preparation meets opportunity.”

I think that’s so true for all of us. I think the success that I’ve had in my career – this is really interesting. My first book was published by Penguin. It was a huge failure.

Then I’m now about to publish my – I just published Heal Your Drained Brain, which was my fourth book. This fall I’m releasing – I’m writing the next Chicken Soup for the Soul. It’s called Think, Act & Be Happy, which is my fifth book.

What’s so crazy, after my first book was – I got a very sizeable advance and it was a very huge bomb. Then my second book was – I had to take – it was very hard for any – my lit agent said, “Mike, it’s going to be really hard for me to get any publisher to take a chance on you after the huge disaster that was your first book, but I’ll try.”

We went directly – the first book we did like bidding war and all that nonsense. I – she said, “Who-“ even that first time around there was one publisher that I really loved. The second time around I said, “I really want to be a Hay House author,” so we went directly to Hay House.

We didn’t do the bidding war thing. I just took a small advance relatively speaking. It wasn’t like 10 dollars or anything like that and I was very, very grateful for the advance that they gave me and that book became a New York Times bestseller.

It’s crazy when preparation meets opportunity. I feel like everything in my life now looking back sort of makes sense. You just have to be ready and you have to look at the failures, the so-called failures, I guess, to me I have reframed as learning opportunities.

I’ve learned – I think I’ve – I’ve definitely learned as much or I guess probably more from my failures as I’ve learned from my success. That’s kind of cool. Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. How about a favorite book?

Michael Dow
The Alchemist. I think as a – looking at my own neurochemistry, I’m an explorer. I’m an ENFJ. I like the way dopamine feels in my brain.

I have a chapter in my book in Heal Your Drained Brain that helps people to really understand their neurochemistry and their personality type. Just giving you an example, people who are like me, if you are a sensation seeker, you’re more likely to be diagnosed with addiction, but less likely to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

The opposite, the converse is true if you’re an introvert or a sensation avoider. That sort of makes sense. I think it helps people to understand the intersection between sort of your genetics and epigenetics and sort of this whole nature and nurture question.

For me, The Alchemist really helps to keep me – for me The Alchemist is sort of – it’s this story of this seeker who like has to like seek, go around the world, but then he sort of realizes that everything was sort of here all along. That’s for me as an explorer and a sensation-seeker, that’s a message that really grounds me because as somebody who really my brain chemicals are really the way dopamine feels.

My only problem with that is sometimes I can just never be happy with what I – not that I’m not happy with what I have, but I can – I sometimes have to realize I can just want more and more and more.

I have to also realize that – I’m the kind of person who gets really excited about things, so I could literally try to write like 18 books a year. I have to realize that the book that I’m writing now is the book that I’m meant to keep my focus on and I can’t get distracted and write 18 books because I have to focus on this book because this book is important too. Yeah.

Pete Mockaitis
How about a favorite tool?

Michael Dow
Yeah, I think for me I’m just generally obsessed with apps in general. I love workout apps and I love all apps these days. I think Uber was the first app that sort of like landed on the general public’s sort of – on the public stage and was sort of like first app that your grandmother has heard of.

But for me now, I love Audible. Audible has allowed me to read, or listen to I guess you would say, a new book a week. It has allowed me – every time we challenge our brain, we’re forming new neurons.

Before it was – a car ride was just music. I love music. Music is great. Music is good for your brain in a different way, but for me to hear a book without advertising and I’m challenging my brain and learning something new, I can increase my productivity with the time that I already have and I don’t have to carve out any new time. My time is so limited. That app has allowed me to take the time that I have.

Also workout apps have allowed me – I love – I have ClassPass, so I can take – instead of belonging – I used to belong to all these different classes, but it’s like okay, well they have classes at 12 and 4 and 6, but if I have a call and that conference call goes over and then I have to be in my private practice and I need to treat these people at this time or I’m doing a talk show and it goes over.

Well, I can either look at ClassPass and find a class that starts an hour later or I now can go on my phone and do a workout at a gym and still have a trainer talking to me and music playing in my ear so I can still get a great workout anytime I want. I think apps have really sort of helped me to grow my own brain in really cool ways.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Is there a particular nugget that you share that really seems to connect and resonate and get quoted frequently?

Michael Dow
Yeah, use it or lose it. It’s sort of for stroke survivors and for people that’s a brain health little nugget but I think it’s not just for people who are recovering from a stroke. I think all of us need to realize that all of us have a brain.

Listen, we all have brains that are actually, and listen, of course we talked about this, if we are eating sugar, we’re actually doing this more rapidly, but if you are an adult, your brain is actually shrinking a little bit just with age every year, but if you are exercising, if you are consuming a lot of omega-3’s and B vitamins, you can prevent your brain – and learning new things.

There’s something really cool, we’re talking about – there’s all this new research on stem cells, but guess what? Stem cells are already here and you don’t have to go to a university hospital. There’s this really cool stuff, BDNF, Brain Drive Neurotropic Factor.

We can boost this through the power of exercise, omega-3’s, all of these cool things that we know help to increase neurogenesis, the birth of new brain cells. We do it with our everyday tasks.

I always go back to this nugget of use it or lose it when it comes to the brain, but I’m going to – I take it one step further which is use it and improve it. We always have to look at the brain, which is our most important organ and always be looking for opportunities to use it and improve it because yes, –

When my brother had a stroke 20 years ago, my brother is now in his 30’s, they thought that neurogenesis was something that didn’t happen after you were 18 or in your early 20’s. But we now know that you have the power to make new brain cells throughout your adult life.

Yeah, everything that I recommend in my book is always geared towards use it and improve it, create new brain cells, use exercise, use omega-3’s, use – consume turmeric every day. These – and combine them with – I call them probiotic boosters, these anti-oxidants, make sure you have lots of curry in your diet because they work synergistically.

Coffee, turmeric, they work synergistically with the probiotics and the prebiotics to make sure that your brain is improving every day. It’s just incredible that if we really get on board with these sort of actually new strategies, that we can quote use it and improve it, it being our brain.

Pete Mockaitis
Lovely. If folks want to learn more or get in touch with you, where would you point them?

Michael Dow
I love Facebook. I do a lot of Facebook lives because I love long form. I do a lot of 20-minute videos, like backstage from the doctors and Dr. Oz. I do a lot of stuff on Facebook, so I’ll go to my Facebook page or DrMikeDow.com.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Michael Dow
Yeah, I would say that to be awesome at your job, use your brain to  – just figure out a way that today you can use that adage of use it and improve it and by doing so you’re probably going to be a little bit more awesome at your job and you’ll probably also be a little happier too.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. Well, Dr. Mike this has been really fun. I wish you so much luck as you continue to spread the good word and heal drained brains and appear on all the cool shows and keep it up.

Michael Dow
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you having me.

Pete Mockaitis
All right, that’s the recording.

Michael Dow
Awesome, Pete.

285: Upgrading Your Promotion Potential with Terra Winston

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Terra Winston says: "Stop looking at everything on your to-do list as having equal value to the people around you."

Terra Winston sheds light to the main pieces of getting promoted: learning precisely who promotes you and what they value.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The two major considerations for anyone who wants to be promoted
  2. Goal-setting considerations to align yourself with your boss’s needs
  3. Why and how to promote yourself

About Terra

Terra Winston is the Ringleader of inTerractions and Principal of inTerract Consulting.  For over 20 years she has impacted thousands of people through her leadership programs and coaching.  A life-long learner, she has channeled her passions into success in multiple arenas, from engineering to HR, from Corporate America to entrepreneurship.  Terra holds a BS in Systems Engineering from the University of Virginia, an MBA from Stanford, coaching certification from CTI, and a not-so-secret passion for Doctor Who.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Terra Winston Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Terra, hello and welcome to How To Be Awesome At Your Job.

Terra Winston

Hi, I’m so excited to be here.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, thank you.  I’m excited to have you.  And I learned a little bit about you, and one thing is that you have a passion for Doctor Who.  Tell us about this.

Terra Winston

Oh Pete, I do, I really do.  And I have to say this is what happens when you don’t have good cable coverage.

Pete Mockaitis

You’ve got to go to the UK.

Terra Winston

You end up following monsters.  Actually there was a point in time when all the cable companies switched over to digital.  And so I had a TV in my bedroom that didn’t have a cable box, and I was like, “Am I going to pay money for my bedroom?  No, I’m not.”  And what that relegated me to was 13 beautiful channels, just 13.  So I found myself at times at night, “No, I don’t want the news.  No, I don’t want the infomercial.  Hey, what is this?”
And there I found this crazy British show with some of the worst special effects I’ve ever seen.  But, it wasn’t the news or an infomercial.  And so, I started watching it in the background and I fell in love with it.  And I think what still connects me – and I know there are tons of people just like me come out the shadows and admit it, that are Doctor Who fans – is the promise of exploring all of space and time.  And as a learner, that to me is all the possibilities.  Why wouldn’t I want to follow that?

Pete Mockaitis

Well, it does sound like fun.  And I’ve never actually seen the show.  In prepping for this interview, I just was pulling up Wikipedia and YouTube.  It was like, “Okay, I know Doctor Who is a show.  UK, sci-fi.”  But I’ve heard of it many, many, many times, but never actually seen it.  And so, I understand the latest – this is no spoiler, this is in the news – the latest regeneration of Doctor Who for the first time is a woman.

Terra Winston

It’s a huge deal in the Who-verse. But it’s, like I said, all the possibilities.  How wonderful is that, that you can have a legacy character and it can grow with the times?  Quite frankly, if we looked at some of our other long-standing television shows, you kind of wish they would evolve, right?

Pete Mockaitis

James Bond will be a woman next time.  Janette Bond.

Terra Winston

Yeah, Janette Bond.  But yeah, you don’t want to know where she hides the gun.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, well, I think we’re warmed up.  Thank you.  So tell us, what’s your company, inTerractions, all about?  Which is a very clever name – you have the capital T for the Terra in the middle of inTerractions.  What’s the story here?
Terra Winston

First of all, the name is one that people are always wondering.  I will tell you this is what happens when you try to buy an URL, and everything is taken.  Even crazy words like “Google” are taken.  You have to start resorting to slamming your name in the middle of words, just to see what works.  But inTerractions for me is a place that helps good people do great things.  And so, I get to work with individuals and entrepreneurs and leaders and even whole teams, and help knock down all the barriers that keep them from fulfilling their highest potential.  And so whether I’m doing coaching or whether my team is doing training, or even facilitation or consulting, we’re really about problem-solving, and get all that mess out of the way so that you can be your best.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  And so, in learning about you something that really resonated for me as a potential fit between what you know and what my listeners want to know, is, you do some real work with professionals about getting promoted, and how that is done.  And so, I’d love to get your take here.  You’ve talked to a lot of people in a lot of environments and backgrounds, and you’ve had the fortune of going deep with that – Coaches CTI Training, oh yeah.  So, tell us – how should we start thinking about it?  If folks are looking to get promoted, what’s sort of your main philosophy or orienting principles to start the journey?

Terra Winston

So now, Pete, I have to warn you – I’m from Jersey originally, and what that means is I’m very practical.  And that’s how I dig into my work as a coach.  And I think back to my time in HR, my time as a coach, and all the various Industries and leaders I’ve worked with, and I will tell you this – I repeat the same advice for anyone who wants to get promoted.
Number one – understand who promotes you, and then number two – understand what they value.  And often times people get that mixed up.  So, it is very rare in an organization that only your manager has a responsibility and the ability to promote you by themselves.  It usually requires enrolling people.  Chances are there’s a conference room full of folks – probably your bosses, peers, and the manager above that, probably HR, and there may even be some other hangers-on that all kind of get in this conversation and have to vet whether or not someone can be promoted.  And if you’re not aware of that, it’s very easy to think that you’re killing it, in terms of your work, but not realizing that there are other factors at play.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh Terra, I love that so much.  This reminds me when I was an intern at Bain and I was all about getting that job offer, and I had a sort of like an “a-ha” moment, in which I assumed that the manager was the person who made the decision – that’s what I was told.  And so, I was working closely with this guy – Kyle – who was awesome, and his title was Senior Associate Consultant.  And so we were doing the day-to-day work, but Kyle was so cool and friendly, and I just thought we were like buds.  And so then he was talking about, “Hey, they’ve made some mistakes here, we’ve got to really sharpen some things up for the offer.”  And I said, “Oh, isn’t it the manager who makes the offer?”  And he’s like, “Well yeah, but I have the primary input into that decision because I’m kind of day-to-day working with you and seeing what you can do.”  And I said, “Oh wait, I’m supposed to be dazzling you?” [laugh] “I thought we were just buds, Kyle.”  And he was like, “Well, yes, I would like to be dazzled.”  And it was like, “Okay, thank you.  This was helpful.”

Terra Winston

It’s so true, and it’s not always easy.  And I will tell you, I have actually coached people who have been in organizations for 10-15 years, and the landscape can change.  And so the people who were involved in promoting you five years ago – the organization may have reworked, the power structure could have changed, just in terms of politics.  And all of a sudden you find out the people that were involved in your
promotion before aren’t as involved anymore.  So you’ve got to stay on top of that.

Pete Mockaitis

And I’m intrigued, to what extent is… Because you’ve worked with many different organizations.  To what extent is this kind of quiet and shrouded in mystery – the Council of Elders who make the determination, versus it’s very much clearly out in the open?  Or how do you gather that information?  Is it as easy as saying, “Hey, who all makes the decision?”  Or how do you get it?

Terra Winston

You’d actually be surprised.  Most of it is actually pretty open, but we just don’t think about it.  So, for bigger companies – I say mid-size and bigger companies that have the annual career planning, management planning process – they usually start at some point with you being given goals and objectives, a junior manager sits down with, and then there is a point in the mid-year when you talk about your career and how you’re doing against your goals.  And at the end of the year they’ll get your review, and that will then lead to next year, and usually maybe some money involved.
Now, what’s going along with that that’s often called the performance management process – there’s a backend to that.  So when your manager takes back your objectives or your ratings, they go into a meeting with, usually their peers, or some subset of their peers, and they are talking about you versus someone else on another team.  That process is usually very clearly outlined.  And if you were to ask your manager, “Well, how do you guys come to the ratings?” or, “What’s the process where you guys determine who gets promoted?” – they can very clearly tell you.  We just don’t ask.
And it usually isn’t something that involves you to be involved in, and so they don’t think to tell you.  So at least get the primary players.  Now all the influencers, some of that – it’s a matter of asking some people who may have been there.  That’s where mentors and sponsors come in great in an organization, but you should be able to very clearly figure out who the group is.  Now, for those of us who work in smaller organizations, it may be a single line.  It could very well be your manager and then the owner of the business.  Or if your manager is the owner of the business – ta-da!  You know exactly who makes all the decisions.  But you should be able to ask and get 90% of the way there.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s good, thank you.  Alright, and so then when you talked about the goals, I want to get your take on. How often are the stated goals the real goals, versus, should you push harder and get after something that actually matters more to your boss, and your boss’s boss, and the organization at large?

Terra Winston

Okay, I love this question, because remember, I said there were two pieces.  It was knowing who promotes you and knowing what they value.  And so the goals that you have are very similar to your job description, and they list what your role should be.  Now that doesn’t tell you anything necessarily about what it takes to get ahead.  What that tells you is what your minimum expectations are.  And we tend to get that a little bit twisted.
When it comes to the realities, your manager and everyone that promotes you – they’re humans, with all the beautifulness and the flaws of being human.  So there will be some things that may be on your plate that are more interesting to them, because it makes them look good, or it may be something they’re more concerned about, or maybe they just happen to love that area.  So, there will be things that are on your plate that they go, “Ooh!”, and there will be things that are on your plate that they go, “Okay.”

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah.  And the side effects really help actually.  I like that.

Terra Winston

So in my very scientific way.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, because I think you’re right – some of them go, “Ooh”, because it’s like, “Ooh, there’s a lot of dollars associated with this and that’s very exciting.”  And other times it’s not even rational like that; it’s like, “Yeah, that is a dumb process that we’ve had for a long time, and I hate it.  And oh, you’re going to go fix it once and for all – ooh, that is exciting to me.  I value that and it gets me going, even if maybe the size of the prize in dollar terms might not be that huge.”

Terra Winston
Exactly.  And I’ve coached people who have lost promotions to peers who didn’t stack up the same amount of numbers, that didn’t deliver on all the objectives in the same way, and then it feels very hurtful.  But what they did do were things that were either visible or highly valued to the people who make the decisions.  And that’s not fair, but that’s reality – so getting a sense for kind of what those things are.
And I’ll tell you the other piece – goals can also be very misleading.  I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve been brought in, where the leadership in the organization says, “This person is not ready to be promoted.  They have everything that they need but they’re still not ready.”  And when I ask what is that thing holding them back, it may be something like executive presence.  Do they have the gravitas, do they have the temperament, are they showing up as a leader?  Nothing to do with their work.  And then I go and I meet with the individual and I say, “Why do you think you haven’t been promoted?”  And the person says, “I’m not working hard enough.  I just need to deliver on these goals.”

Pete Mockaitis

Powerful disconnect.

Terra Winston

Powerful disconnect.  And it’s so easy to run yourself into a corner and then be really disillusioned.  That’s how good people get lost.  And so, paying attention to the goals is great.  Understanding what people value, and that is what they value in terms of the task and what they value in terms of the relationship and the being of a leader.

Pete Mockaitis

Yes, that’s great.  And so, when it comes to getting a sense for what they value, I think one action step is just to observe – where are their “Oohs” versus “Uhhs”, and really seem engaged and asking follow-up questions and their eyes are getting brighter?  So, what are some other pro tips for gathering this intelligence on what the folks value?

Terra Winston

So people will always ask about a lot; the things that matter to them.  So, when you get to a one-on-one or when you happen to be talking those infamous elevator conversations and you’re kind of bumping into people and they say, “Hey, how’s that so-and-so project going?” – that tells you that that’s something that’s big enough on their mind.  They didn’t ask you how that report B1716C paperwork was going.  So, they will tell you with attention.
Also pay attention to town halls or announcements.  What are the types of projects or programs or initiatives that get the big billing, and then kind of where does that trickle down to your work?  In those places you can tell that those are important initiatives to people.
And last resort is, sit down and talk to your manager or talk to someone else and say, “I’m working on all these things.  What do you think is the most exciting piece?”  Now, what you’re not asking is, “Where should I put my energy?”  Because they’re going to tell you, “Everything”, because that is the responsible thing to say.  But, “Tell me, of all the work that I’m working on, what do you think is the most exciting for the company?”  Or, “Give me your opinion.”  Their opinions will let you get a glimpse into the things that turn them on.  You can hear it in their voice at that point.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, that’s good.  Okay.  Well, maybe could you give us a story or an example that can make some of this stuff come to life here?

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  So actually I want to continue the story about the poor guy who thought he had to work harder to get his promotion.  And it was interesting because as a coach I can’t come in and say, “I’ve spoken to everyone and they say that your work is great, but you just don’t seem like a leader.”  And I will tell you the frustration that I had is they absolutely said to me, “He just doesn’t seem like it, and we can’t articulate why.”
And I come to this poor person and I had to observe him and get a sense for how he showed up in the room.  And I will tell you the little things that we did – and I think this is the important piece of it – remember, it was about presence.  The piece that was so critical is, he just needed to show up with more power.  And so, the things that we worked on, Pete, believe it or not, was where he sat in the room, to the pacing, we looked at the way that he was dressed and the way that he delegated to people while in the room, because he was a servant-leader, he was someone who was so gracious, he was the exact kind of person that you want to be a leader, not one of these blowhard people.  But he was getting exiled because people couldn’t see how great he was.  He didn’t always deliver in his confidence.
But understanding number one, what is the culture of success?  So there’s a success profile in every organization – good, bad or indifferent.  When you look at the types of people that get the best opportunities, the people that get promoted, that move up fast – you will start to look and see patterns.  And so, where those patterns are will give you a sense for the types of attributes, leadership attributes that are valued for a success profile.  And you start to look at where are their gaps.
So, “These people always seem to be very extroverted; I tend to be very introverted.”  Now the answer is not then to change who you are.  But the answer’s to figure out how to use your strengths to deliver the same general feel.  So for this guy, who tended to be a bit introverted, and like I said, the nicest of people, to show power… There’s one version of power that bangs on the table, but we worked on showing power by granting power to others.  And so, understanding that part of how he was showing up and how it then related to how he got his goals done, we were able to get him over this hump.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah, that’s intriguing, when you talk about the profiles of power and the patterns that show up.  I once was doing some Myers-Briggs coaching 101 for all of these rising executives at an international beverage company.  We’ll not say any names.  And it was fascinating how time and time again it was like extroversion, extroversion, extroversion was popping up.  And sometimes as part of the coaching, trying to help them see the value of different preferences and all that, I was like, “So can you think of some folks that you work with who prefer introversion?”  And some of them were like, “No.” [laugh] I was like, “Really?  This isn’t going how I expected.”  But it was startling.
Then when I did talk to a couple of those who preferred introversion, it was almost like they were in the closet.  It was like, “Oh yeah, what I really like is just to be able to think about things for a while.”  It’s so exhausting being around these folks.  And so, I think that’s interesting to highlight that explicitly.  And you said good, bad, indifferent, and I like that because at times I think you’ll notice that you may not just resonate with that.  I think I’ve seen in some organizations it’s like, “Wait a minute.  This rock star – I notice time and time again this person seems to be doing all this extra work that doesn’t really seem urgent or essential, but she just busts it out time after time after time.  And oh, there she is, getting an earlier promotion.”  It’s like, “Oh, so I guess we love that around here.”  It sort of opens your eyes there.

Terra Winston

It absolutely does, and that’s why knowing who promotes you starts to play into this.  So say I am one of those introverts in that extrovert international beverage company that you talked about.  And I feel like I need to be heard but people can’t hear me in big groups.  I may schedule one-on-ones with some of the people that are in the promotion room.  Now you don’t schedule meetings to say, “I want to talk to you so that you can say something nice about me when it comes time for promotion”, but you start to build those relationships.  You casually drop in some of the work that you’ve been doing that they may not hear about because your voice just isn’t as loud as everyone else’s.  When they get into the room they will then be able to access that.  So you play them together.

Pete Mockaitis

And so I’d love to get your take here, in terms of, this is an issue that comes up with listeners frequently – they’ll say they get feedback that they are great, they’re doing great work, they’re a top performer and all this stuff, they’re very impressive in these ways, but “Oh, unfortunately there are just no advancement opportunities available.”  So, I’d love you take, Terra, on when you hear that message, what are your options?

Terra Winston

Right.  So first, you’re totally allowed to go home and grab a drink and be really mad.  That is by far…  I grant you permission to feel that way, because I think one of the dirty little secrets about organizations is that they actually don’t exist solely to help you manage your career.  They actually are doing their business.  And so, it really is this lovely combination of, are you ready, and is there an opportunity that the company needs?  And so it can be really frustrating when those two things don’t line up.  So number one – I don’t want you to have despair.  That’s not about you.  I think sometimes we take that as a hit to ourselves.
But after you do that, whilst you’re waiting for a position to open, know that you own your career, so if you can’t get promoted in the company, you should be promoting yourself in your own role.  And this is what I mean: So a promotion is someone giving you a bigger scope, a bigger impact, bigger responsibility or a new experience.  That technically is what a promotion is.  I know we all tend to think of the extra money that comes with it, and the title.  But really, a promotion is about increasing your impact in some kind of way.  So you do that.  So talk to your manager.  Think about, “Okay, I’m working on this one project and it impacts our region.  What can I do that maybe will cross several regions, or multiple functions?  What type of additional work can I do?  Can I look at my manager’s plate and offer to take something off of that, so that I can grow my expertise?”
So you should be increasing your scope.  So basically you’re going to give yourself your own promotion.  By doing that when something else comes up – and it always will, because business changes so fast – you will have demonstrated skills, impact at the next level.  Sometimes that gap is what people believe we can do, versus what they’ve seen us do.  So you’ve already demonstrated that and made it very visible.  And by the way, even if you decide not to stay in the organization, you can then use that extra experience to parlay yourself into a promotion somewhere else.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, that’s good.  And so, I’d like to think a little bit here, do you have any pro tips sort of in the bite-sized department?  Any tips, tools, tactics, favorite scripts or key phrases, sentences you love to say or suggest to folks when they’re playing this game?

Terra Winston

So I’ve got two.  One you can use immediately and one that may take you a little bit longer.  So the first one, the quick one: “Likability is the killer app.”  It always, always is the killer app.  So we tend to work with people that we like.  We give people extra chances if we like them.  If we’ve built some type of connection, if you make a mistake I’m more likely to give you some grace for it.  I’m more likely to see your potential if I think that you’re someone that’s likable.
And what happens – we have all these wonderfully nice people when we work with them as peers, but they go into a meeting with someone who maybe has some influence, and they’re so focused on proving their credibility that they let nerves erode the personality that they have.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, yeah.

Terra Winston

So, I work with executives and I have some executives that will call me before they go into major meetings, and we’ll just run through kind of what they need to cover.  And number one is usually, “They called you into this meeting because they know how good you are.  You just need to make them like you.”  And so, what I tend to tell anyone going into networking at all is, number one – you want them to like you, number two – you want them to think you’re smart, number three – maybe you want to stay connected.  Nothing else matters.  You don’t have to convince them to marry you on the first date, right?  So, likability is the thing that you can start today.  Let your personality shine through, let people see how great you are, and make that connection and it will take you so much further.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright, thank you.

Terra Winston

So the longer term one is actually some of the best career advice I’ve ever gotten.  I can’t take credit for it, because someone gave it to me.  And what he said to me was, “It’s always easy to stand out when you have a job or a role that does not have many peers.”  So if you think about in a typical company maybe there’s an army of accountants, or there’s HR people in every region, and all those things.
When you do really well, you have to do exceptionally well to stand out from the crowd, because everyone’s doing well.  Or you may stand out because you had a particularly bad year.  But when there’s lots of comparison points it’s really hard to stand out.  But if you’re willing to take a risk and take a role that maybe does not have as many peers… So, “I was an accountant but I’m going to work on this new turnaround.”  So it just feels different, then they don’t have as many people to compare it to.  So every victory looks like a bigger victory.

Pete Mockaitis

I love that.  And right now I’m thinking because I’m creating this course and I’m working with designers.  I’m thinking about how easily impressed I am by the output of designers, just because I’m so terrible at drawing.  I think I know what’s good when I see it, kind of, but in terms of actually if I get into Photoshop I shouldn’t be trusted with much, just like basically rearranging things symmetrically is about what you can trust me with there.
So, I’m depending on these designers and I’m just so impressed, like, “Wow!”  And I know for them it’s like, “Yeah, that took me 10 minutes.”  And so, I love that notion because, sure enough, it you are the designer amongst the accountants, or the turnaround specialist, or the keynote speaker, the coach or whatever, sort of being distinctly different from those – they are readily impressed.  And so that’s good to chew on for a little while there.

Terra Winston

It’s so good.  I wish I got there earlier in my career, but I’d now pass it on to all of you.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah.  And at the same time, it does feel like a greater risk because I have fewer role models or potential mentors who can show me what I’m doing right or wrong, or to model from.  So that’s kind of nice – it’s like higher risk, higher reward.  But if you have some other prudent approaches to fill any potential knowledge gaps you have, then you kind of have the best of both worlds.

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  And remember, everyone that’s listening to us has a high potential.  So I guess it’s the opposite advice – if you want to sit in the middle of the pack and not have anybody make too many waves, then choose a role that has lots of peers.  It works both ways, and you get to choose the kind of life that you want.  But there is no high chance of promotion without a risk of failure.  And I will tell you that failure by itself will not stop your career.  It’s so much more about how you react, respond and recover from failure.  That is what gets you by, and if you have confidence not only in yourself willing to take the risk, but willing to know that whatever you trip up on, you can figure it out – that’s your cue to win.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  Well, Terra, I’d also love to get your take, since you do that good coaching stuff, can you share what’s maybe some of the irrational stuff that we’ve got going on that can impede the promotions from happening, whether it’s lowering your beliefs, or risks not taken, or safety?  What do you see, in terms of high-performing folks, in terms of some sub-optimal stuff going on in their mind that is limiting?

Terra Winston

So confidence by far is the biggest one.  And I know we’re used to hearing that all the time, but what I see is people devalue those things that come easy to them.  And so, rather than saying, “Hey, this is a core strength of mine.  Let me use this and show up in my core strength”, we then discount: “Oh well, if I did that and it was so easy, it must not have been a big deal.”  And we don’t showcase it.  So we then spend all our time on some of the things that may not be our towering strengths, because we’re trying to overcome our weaknesses.  And so what you end up doing is discounting the places where you’re a superstar, amplifying the places where you might be average.  And that’s never been the key to promoting yourself.
I think another piece of it is we struggle with this balance between humility and arrogance and self-promotion.  We are now so busy in organizations that there is not one person, including your direct manager, who knows all of what you do.  And so if you don’t find a way to tell them, then it’s very easy for your great accomplishments to be drowned out by even mediocre accomplishments by someone else who’s out there screaming from the rooftops, “Look what I did, look what I did.”  And at times it can really feel like an internal distress.
When I worked at a large international beverage company myself, and I did work in diversity, I would work with some of the groups who would say, “Terra, culturally growing up from the time when I was young, I was told not to boast about myself.  We have a collective community focus.  You don’t stand out.  But then I come to Corporate America”, or Corporate Western Europe, or Corporate Anywhere at this point, “And you keep telling me that I’m supposed to stand up and put a spotlight on myself and scream about how great I am.  I can’t get over that voice in my gut – my grandmother’s voice that’s telling me that that’s the wrong thing to do.  So am I destined just to not get what I deserve?”  And answer is no.  You find your own way, and that’s again looking at your strengths.  If certain people need to know what you do, can you go in and teach a lunch-and-learn?  Can you mentor someone?  Can you find other ways to get your name out there, so that people know what you do?
So I can give you an example.  Believe it or not, I found myself in one of those Infamous elevator pitch moments.  There was someone who was my boss’s boss’s boss’s boss adjacent.  So someone very senior from me, and I was in the Human Resources team.  And there was a big movement going on around organization design.  And so now I find myself alone in an elevator with this person, and either I can shrink in the back and hopefully fade into the woodwork, or I can step up.
And what I said to this person… I happened to, when I was in a consulting firm, I’d worked on the organization design methodology.  And so I said to this very senior person, “Heard the town hall, glad we’re doing work in this area.  I actually did some work back when I was at a consulting firm.  If you ever want, I can get some of the information to your assistant, in case you need it.”  And so by being of service, the senior person, A) knew my name, B) knew I had a background in consulting and I’d done some design work and I was going to follow up with information.  So find ways to kind of bring some visibility to it.  And a lot of times high-potential people are very confident in that the good work will be noticed.  And unfortunately people are so busy they don’t always notice it.

Pete Mockaitis

Right, thank you.  Well, that’s powerful stuff.  Thank you.  Well, tell us – is there anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Terra Winston

No, I think that’s it.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, cool.  Well then, can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Terra Winston

Okay, so I have a favorite quote but I feel like it’s everybody’s favorite quote.  And it’s the one from Marianne Williamson, the fact that “Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure.”  And it speaks to me because I used to be so introverted, and it is what governs the coaching work that I do.  It’s so often the thing that is the key to people’s absolute phenomenal success, is something hiding behind their fear.  And so, when we get to work together and we get to identify – again, it’s like a stone standing in the way of this raging river of potential.  And we can knock that fear aside.  I’ve seen people, I’ve seen businesses, I’ve seen teams flourish.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome, thank you.  And how about a favorite study or experiment or a piece of research?

Terra Winston

There was a study that talks about the power of loose networks.  And so what it said was, if you want to create more opportunity in your life, it is not your closest friends and closest associates that will bring it; it actually is that next level, if you think of your network as concentric circles.
And the reason why is because your closest friends that you spend time with – they are everywhere where you are.  If there was something they heard about, they would’ve told you already.  Whereas the next level out of people, who are in other bubbles, as we now call it – they have an opportunity to see things and channel them to you.  So that had been a study that absolutely comes up again and again, until about two months ago.  I did some research; I was curious if it was still adequate, if anyone had updated that survey and the study.  And I found out that they had.
And that was true, kind of early Internet days, when the challenge was visibility to opportunity.  Now with the way that the Internet is, we actually have ways to see more and more of things that were probably hidden in pockets.  Now, I still stand by that the power of loose ties is still relevant, but what the newest studies have actually circulated is that we now live in a world where you can see everybody, but you don’t know who’s legit.  I can look at your LinkedIn profile, but how do I know who I can spend time, money and energy on?
And so now there’s a rising importance of the power of former coworkers, or people that not just are loose in your network, but they have personal experience of your work.  That is where the credibility factor lies, and now the issue isn’t as much information transparency; it’s credibility. So how are you leveraging those networks, I think is the next level, of what we need to do better.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  How about a favorite book?

Terra Winston

Right now I am in love with The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath.  The book talks about what is it that makes any given moment special.  And that could be a moment in customer service, that could be creating the best family vacation experience.  Why do certain things stand out in our minds, and other things kind of wash away with the sands of time?  And so, we now hear people say we live in an experience economy, where it’s not about the stuff, it’s about the things that you do.  And I think we’re on overload so much, those of us who learn how to create moments are going to be the winners.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  And how about a favorite tool, something that helps you be awesome at your job?

Terra Winston

My tool is a person.

Pete Mockaitis

I won’t tell that person that you think he or she is a tool.

Terra Winston

That was the wrong way to put it.  She’s going to kill me because she’s going to listen to this.  I have the most amazing virtual assistant.  And I think the virtual assistant services is something that many budding entrepreneurs don’t necessarily get very early.  But having someone that has my back makes a big difference.  And so I want translate for those of you guys that are working in companies and maybe are like, “Well Terra, I don’t have an assistant necessarily for my team.”
But having someone that you can bounce ideas off of, someone that you can sit down and talk about what your priorities are, whoever that person is – my virtual assistant plays that role; she’s actually my chief of staff for my business.  And so I think everyone needs someone that they can be fully themselves and with their guard down, someone that will give them the kind of feedback, but that is not a risk of it being from maybe an evaluation prospective.  And having a right hand in that way is phenomenal, and anyone and everyone should have one.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, thank you.  And how about a favorite habit, something that helps you flourish?

Terra Winston

So, “networking” is one of those words that I actually ban a bunch of my clients from saying, because it dredges up all these feelings for people who aren’t necessarily extroverts or who just don’t love networking.  So I’m a big believer in making authentic connections, and that can be with anybody.  And one of the things that I always do at the end of connecting with someone is I ask them what I can do to bring them closer to their dreams.  And it could be, what do you need in your regular life, it could be a career thing that you have, maybe you just need the perfect pound cake recipe.  Why not ask?

Pete Mockaitis

I need it, Terra.

Terra Winston

You need it so bad.  But we are terrible at asking for help.  And so often times, the number of times that what you voice is something that I have access to.  Now I may not, but how would you know if you don’t ask?  And so, rather than forcing someone to ask, I take it upon myself to ask them.

Pete Mockaitis

And let’s hear that question one more time.

Terra Winston

So, “How can I bring you closer to your dreams?”

Pete Mockaitis

I like that.  It sounds better than, “How can I make your dreams come true?”, because it’s like, “Are you hitting on me right now?”  But it’s still succinct – okay, I like that.  And it’s a little bit more… I think it inspires more imagination than, “How can I be helpful to you?”  So I like that.

Terra Winston

Exactly, because people always need help.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  And sometimes it might just be like, “You know what?  I want to have grass in my backyard, and I don’t know who to help me.”  It’s like, “Oh, I know a guy.”  And sure enough, the networking is happening, relationships strengthen and build.

Terra Winston

Mm-hmm.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good.  Okay, thank you.  And tell us, is there a particular nugget you share that tends to really connect, resonate with folks and gets quoted back to you?

Terra Winston

Yes.  So, there’s a bunch of them; some of them are not for G-rating.  You guys have to work with me as a coach and I’ll give you some of the ones… We have a good time, with me and my clients.  But no, one that actually is really fundamental for me is, “Stop living someone else’s life.”  It’s so easy to live your life based on a set of “Should’s”: “This is what I should have” or, “I’m supposed to be promoted.”  “Why?”  “Well, because that’s what you do next.”
Do you want that job?  Do you have other dreams? Is this job that you’re doing right now, does it exist solely for you to save money to start that business that you want to do, or to move halfway across the world and live life as a nomad?  Well, if that’s the case, then does a promotion get you any closer, or is it just speaking to something that you feel like you’re on auto-pilot for?  And the number of times when we stop and really ask ourselves, “Is this what I really want?” – the answer is, “No, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to have.”  So stop living someone else’s life.  Live yours – you only have one.

Pete Mockaitis

Thank you.  And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, Terra, where would you point them?

Terra Winston

Please, I love connecting with new people.  I am at TerraWinston on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, because I’m not that creative with my names.  So I just use my name everywhere I go.  Come to my website, inTerractions.com.  We post information, and get connected – I would love to find out how I can help you towards your dreams too.

Pete Mockaitis

And do you have a final challenge or call to action you’d issue to folks seeking to be awesome at their jobs?

Terra Winston

Absolutely.  So, for those of you in your jobs – if you do nothing else, nothing else today – go to your list of annual goals.  And I want you to identify the three – no more than three – that are the most valued by your manager.  Now remember, we talked about the ways that you can tell, but stop looking at everything on your to-do list as having equal value to the people around you.  So, go through, identify what are the top priorities, and then figure out how do you manage your discretionary energy in a way that gets you where you want to go.

Pete Mockaitis

Alright.  Terra, thank you so much for sharing this.  Excellent stuff.  Hopefully there will be many promotions birthed from this conversation.  And I wish you lots of luck in all you’re up to!

Terra Winston

Thank you, Pete, I absolutely had a blast.  This is a great podcast.

282: How to Manage Your Attention and Your Priorities with Neen James

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Neen James says: "We can't manage time, but we can manage our attention."

Neen James shares best practices for directing our attention toward meaningful priorities.

You’ll Learn:

  1. The fifteen minutes per day that can change everything
  2. Strategies for selecting the worthiest goals
  3. How we often fail to pay good attention to people

About Neen

Neen James is the author of Folding Time™ and Attention Pays™. Named one of Top 30 Leadership Speakers by Global Guru several years in a row because of her work with companies including Viacom, Comcast, and Abbot Pharmaceuticals.

Boundless energy, quick-witted with powerful strategies for paying attention to what matters, Neen shares how to get more done and create more significant moments at work, and home.

Items Mentioned in this Show:

Neen James Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Neen, thanks for joining us here on the How To Be Awesome At Your Job podcast.

Neen James

G’day. What a privilege to be on your show. I love this podcast.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, thank you. I’m so flattered to be chatting but we met in person a couple years ago in Orlando, and my how the time flies.
Neen James
My goodness. That was several years ago. Your memory is incredible.
Pete Mockaitis
Well, you were very memorable.
Neen James
[Laugh] You’re sweet. That’ll definitely get you points, just for the record.
Pete Mockaitis
Sure. We could flatter each other but I want to get going a little bit. I learned about you that you love fast cars. What’s the story here?
Neen James
Oh my gosh. I love speed and I love the glamour of things like F-1. Formula 1 cars that are insane, right? I love the speed, I love the precision. I love the excitement and I love driving fast cars too. So, I love watching them and I also love driving them.
Pete Mockaitis
So now, do you drive these fast cars? Where do you drive them where you can drive them fast enough, or do you just make do with the speed limit suggestions?
Neen James
Yeah, I’m so fortunate to not get too many speeding tickets. My husband and I live in a beautiful part of Pennsylvania called Bucks County and they have some stunning roads. It’s not even about necessarily the speed in the back roads, Pete. It’s about how beautiful the journey is, but I do love being in a gorgeous fast car too.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. Have you seen the Netflix series “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with Jerry Seinfeld?
Neen James
Yes. [laugh]
Pete Mockaitis
I just wondered, who is this for? Who likes all of those things? I like comedians, I like cars and I like coffee. Here’s the show for me.
Neen James
For you and me, that show is perfect.
Pete Mockaitis
I guess they did their research. Netflix, they’re good with their data. Hopefully we’re going to get the direct to consumer insights shortly on the program. We’ll see. We’ve been back and forth, but very cool. Speaking of the use of attention, how’s that for a segue from Netflix. You’ve got this book coming out called Attention Pays. Very clever. Rather than Pay Attention, Attention Pays. Tell us, what’s the main idea and what’s it all about? Why is it important?
Neen James
The reason it’s so important Pete, let’s start with that. It’s because we’re living in this time where we are more distracted than we’ve ever been before. Technology has changed the pace at which we work and we feel what I call in the book, the “over trilogy” – which is overwhelmed, overstressed and overtired, and so many of our listeners can relate to at least one or all of those things. What I’ve realized is we can’t manage time, but we can manage our attention. So what I created through the research and interviews and all my speeches and all the great time I get to spend with my clients and in my executive mentoring, I realized that we pay attention three ways.
Personally, it’s about who we pay attention to and that’s being thoughtful. Professionally, it’s about what we pay attention to and that’s being productive. And globally, it’s about how we pay attention in the world and that’s about being responsible; personally, professionally and globally. The book shares hundreds of strategies that every person in their professional career … and it doesn’t matter if they are working inside a big organization like so many of your listeners, or whether they work for themselves. This will apply.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, well. Boy, are you a keynoter perchance laying it out in three key elements?
Neen James
You better believe it.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. I’m intrigued to dig into each of those but first, I’d love it if maybe you could orient us a bit in terms of … you mentioned that technology, it’s happening and things are changing. It’s fast paced and all this information and all that, sure. I guess I’m curious to hear just what kind of a difference does it make if you are a master of your attention versus you’re, I guess at the mercy of whoever wants your attention.
Neen James
Let me give you an example of one of my clients. I have the privilege of working with Comcast. I was with the leadership team and what we decided to do was we decided to set them a challenge. Could they invest fifteen minutes in a strategic appointment with themselves every day to master their own attention, identify their top three not negotiable activities? Before their head hits the pillow tonight, what’s their three? The reason we did this with this leadership team is they were responsible for a very large budget with a very large team. We realized that their attention was being pulled in hundreds of directions. I’m sure your listeners can relate to that. What was fascinating about this particular case study that we did was every single leader told me, as a result of investing their attention for fifteen minutes a day, their team development went up, their sales went up and they became the top performing team in the region. This is amazing to me … in their company, my apologies.
What’s amazing to me is that that fifteen minutes which we all could invest, right … Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes we can find in our calendar, they learned to master a strategic appointment with themselves. I love that idea of just that one fifteen minute appointment every day, and that way too you know what your most important things are that you do today. It drives your productivity and it holds you personally accountable for the results.
Pete Mockaitis
Well Neen, I can’t let that go. Fifteen minutes a day made a transformational difference for these folks, so you must unpack it for us. What’s happening during these fifteen minutes? What’s the prescription?
Neen James
Let me tell you how I do mine, Pete, and this might help the listeners as well. For me what I do is, I make my coffee and I sit down with my … it’s a pretty fancy system. I use a Post-It note admittedly, and what do on that Post-It note is I write at the top “today, I will” and then I determine what are three things that I absolutely must achieve today.
Now these three things will move me closer to my goals. For example, if you work for a company, chances are you have objectives you’re being measured on, on a quarterly or annual basis. It’s a really great idea to identify activities so they’ll bring you closer to those particular goals. If you are a leader who is managing a team of people, no doubt your team has responsibilities that you as their leader need to guide them on. So what are three things you could do today that would move those projects or objectives or results forward?
What this does, Pete, is it becomes a decision filtering system, meaning every time you want to get distracted, every time someone walks into your office, every time you’re tempted to go on social media, you look at your three things. I deliberately write them on a Post-It note and I’ll tell you why. I can carry that silly little Post-It note with me all day and it’s a visual reminder of where my attention needs to be invested, as opposed to some of us … I’ve tried electronic to-do lists, I’ve tried apps, I’ve tried written to-do lists. It’s the one thing that I seem to be able to stick to, but here’s the other thing Pete.
Pete Mockaitis
Stick to! Zing.
Neen James
{Laugh]. I love being able to cross things off. I wonder if you’ve got people on the podcast who will admit that they write things on a to-do list just so they can cross them off, right?
Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. It’s the example I use in my … workshops for judging preference, yes.
Neen James           
It’s true though because we want to know something we did today mattered. If you simplify your day by what we call prioritizing your priorities into those top three not negotiables, you’ll have a much stronger chance of achieving them. Do you remember when Pete Shankman was on the show and he talked about eliminating all the choices? He has such a fantastic way of seeing the world and managing with such a fast brain that he has, but I believe too that we have to be able to get super clear on what’s important today. Otherwise, everyone will very happily take all the time and attention you want to give them but that doesn’t get you closer to your goals.
Pete Mockaitis
Understood. So Neen, I think my challenge with this is … hey, I’m looking at one right now. I’ve got a sheet and I have listed a dozen things and I feel pretty good. They’re all done. Now I’m just chatting with cool people like you for the rest of the day. I’d love to get your take on prioritization is hard, you know? Running three things is a lot harder than running thirteen things. What are some of your pro tips for … first of all, you tell me how strict is it that three is the number. Do not drift into more, or is it a little flexible? How are you thinking about it?
Neen James
For me, I feel like three is a great number that I can remember. Three is a number that I can share with someone else. Three is manageable in my day. Now I could write 23 things on the list Pete, but the challenge with that is then I become overwhelmed and we can become paralyzed with too many choices. Three things means I’ve diligently done the work in my fifteen minute appointment to identify my top three. These are the three things that are going to strategically move me closer. Sometimes, it means we may have to put something like a doctor’s appointment on that list. We might have been putting off a check-up for months and months, but we have to do it. It’s important to our health because if we don’t have good health, then obviously we’re not going to perform at work.
It might be that you’ve got to do a performance review for one of your team members. We’ve been putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. But what happens is every time we put something off, every time we ask our brain to remember something else, it’s like opening a new tab on the computer. Every time you ask your brain to do something, it opens a new tab. The brain craves completion, Pete. Every time we complete something, our brain gives us this little shot of dopamine, like a little high five from our brain, like “Yay Pete, good job.” We need more of that. We need more of that momentum of completion. Choosing three things is manageable.
Pete Mockaitis      
Momentum of completion is an excellent turn of phrase. I’m digging that. I like what you said about the doctor’s appointment. Sometimes I think when I’m setting my three things, it’s almost like the doctor’s appointment is already scheduled. I sort of know that I’m going to exit and go to there, so it almost feels like it doesn’t count in the sense that it is almost like a foregone conclusion that that is just going to occur. I almost feel like it’s cheating, or I haven’t earned that dopamine hit of completion goodness by doing such a thing. I’d love for you to set me straight in terms of what seems appropriate and sensible to put on there, because I think some things you just know you’re going to do. It’s like “I’m going to brush my teeth” or even if you have other great habits like “I know I’m just going to walk on the treadmill. I’m just going to pray. I’m just going to make a healthy lunch.” That’s awesome. Does that count? Do I get credit for that if it’s already a habit, like it’s going to happen whether I write it or not?
Neen James
I think it’s only going to get credit if it enhances a habit you have. If you’re going to walk on the treadmill and you’ve been used to walking and you like walking but you want to challenge yourself to a run, maybe what you think about is “Can I turn this walk on the treadmill into running for half a mile and see how I feel?” It’s also about being able to enhance our performance, Pete. It’s about helping every day for us to be stronger, better, to be able to have life with more excellence, with more fun, to be more thoughtful.
For example, that doctor’s example might be a routine thing you do, but what the doctor might say to you is “I need you to eat more green vegetables or I need you to get your cholesterol in check or I need you to manage your stress.” Then what you want to think about is, the thing that would go on the Post-It note maybe the next day would be “Okay, what are some stress management strategies I need to investigate? Could I invest fifteen minutes of my attention finding a new app or trying a new yoga pose or investing more time praying or in quiet time?” While I’m talking about some personal strategies, the same applies for professional strategies, but here’s the thing. Attention is personal, professional and global. The same person who goes home needs to turn up at work; we need to be the best version of ourselves. We need to be able to pay attention not only to other people, but we have to be able to pay attention to ourself.
Pete Mockaitis
I like those distinctions there in terms of what is moving you toward a meaningful goal, and then two, it’s an enhancement. It’s making you stronger as opposed to, I guess maintaining sort of status quo, habitual, how it is, the current level. It’s like you’re moving into upgrade territory. I think that’s helpful in terms of saying what counts, but I’ll maybe even back it up a little bit for you to arrive at three things that matter, you need to get some clarity on the goals, the macro objectives and priorities that are worth pursuing. What’s your take on doing that well?
Neen James
Think about it. If you’re a listener and you want to get promoted, there might be activities that are going to get you more in line with the opportunity to be promoted. For example, you may need to identify your successor. Who is the person you’re going to train and upscale, so that you could get promoted into a new role? You might have to become your own publicist and start to be able to communicate the evidence of why you’d be a great person to be promoted. Maybe you’ve got to start to enhance your skills by doing additional internal learning programs or external study.
The beauty of knowing if your goal is to get promoted at work because you’re awesome at your job, what you want to think about is what do I need to do to get promoted? What are the things that I have to improve, enhance or educate? What you can then do is put those types of things on your list. I have this saying that I want to be “Ah-mazing,” because I want to wake up every day and go “Oh, that’s amazing.” I want to be in awe and wonder on a daily basis, whether it’s serving a client, whether it’s travelling somewhere new or whether it’s looking after one of my team. Every day, I want us to think about how can we invest our attention at being even more “ah-mazing,” and in your case, awesome. How can we be more awesome at our jobs? We have to look for these things that we want to focus our attention on, because time’s going to happen whether you like it or not Pete.
You and I get the same 1,440 minutes in a day. You can’t manage time but you can manage your attention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, I’m right with you there. Final point on the three and I’ll move on. We talk about time and the minutes we have available. I want to get your take on when you establish the three, you want the momentum of completion – great turn of phrase. I’m wondering, you don’t want to be too easy in terms of “Hey, these are three important things but I’m going to knock them out in twenty minutes, bam!” You don’t want them too hard because then you don’t get that momentum of completion. It’s just not getting done, so how do you think about calibrating that well?
Neen James
I think it depends on your day. Sometimes, just the fact that we get to work out and eat a healthy meal and actually get to bed before midnight, that’s a big day for some of us. Sometimes, just getting that report to our boss or being able to answer all those e-mails or to get to every meeting on time, sometimes that feels like an achievement. While it’s hard to prescribe for people what is going to be easy or what is going to be hard, what I want you to think about is the question to yourself is “Will this make me more awesome at my job?” If it’s going to make you more awesome at your job, then I think that’s something that’s worth investing in. Will it make you more awesome as a team member? Will it make you more awesome as a partner with people you share your life with? Will it make you more awesome in your community for the people that you stand in service of, whether it’s your church, your temple, your parent teacher community, your alumni? I think with these three things, you know in your gut whether you are pushing yourself or not. Some days feel like survival and some days feel like success. You get to choose.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. When it comes to these disruptions, distractions that would take our attention away from where we want to put it, maybe you could orient us a little bit in terms of what are some of the best approaches to keep your defenses appropriately operational, so that you are not getting overwhelmed by distraction.
Neen James
I think we have to identify what the distractions are first, Pete. Some people, we feel like our devices are a distraction and for many of us, they are. It’s the notifications, it’s the phone ring or it could be just the fact that we get a little bored and so we by default go check our Facebook status instead of paying attention in a meeting. For some, distractions include our devices. For others, distractions could be that you constantly have people interrupt you in your cube or your office, where people are constantly walking in saying “Do you have a second? Do you have a minute?” There’s never a second and there’s never a minute.
Other distractions can be ourself. We can be sometimes the worst at managing our own attention, because we open up a website and then that takes us to another website which takes us to another website, and then twenty minutes have gone by and we’ve achieved nothing.
So, distractions can come in the form of technology. They can come in the form of our own head traffic, some of our fears, concerns and stressors. The first thing we need to do is identify what those distractions are and then look to how to eliminate them. What I tend to use is some of my favorite tools. For example, one of my favorite apps is called Freedom. Freedom is an app that I can install on all of my Mac and my iPhone, which is a website blocking app, which means if I’m trying to get very dedicated focused amount of activity done or I’m writing a proposal or I’m preparing a keynote speech, it literally blocks me out of websites. It’s really powerful because you can set it up for short or long periods of time. I love using tools like that that will help me stay very focused.
I also have an actual cover on my phone. What I realized was, sometimes just seeing that something’s happening on my phone was enough of a distraction so I got an actual cover which covers the screen. There are little ways that you can become much more diligent in the way you manage your distractions – turning off every notification, closing windows you’re not really using, being able to cover devices, maybe leaving things like your cell phone outside the meeting room so you can pay attention in the meeting. Maybe when you’re driving, leave it in your bag or in the glove compartment so that you’re not actually tempted to check it.
We have to think about the fact that if for example we have an office, could you occasionally shut the door and then tell the team “When my door is shut, I’m trying to work on a project.” If you don’t have the luxury of an office in your particular workplace, could you use headphones in your cubicle and just say to your team “Hey if I have my headphones on, I’m just trying to get something completed.” We’ve got to start to create strategies for this continual state of distraction we live in.
Pete Mockaitis
Yes, I like that. Any pro tips for communicating that to a boss or others who think that they have the right to take your attention whenever they please?
Neen James
I think it’s a conversation. You’ve got to be a grown-up and you’ve got to say to your boss or your team member or your colleague that you really enjoy spending time with, “In order for me to be really productive, there’s occasionally times where I need to be hyper focused. My way of being hyper focused is by putting my headphones on, or booking a conference room on another floor, or coming in maybe twenty minutes later so I can sit at the local Starbucks and get my day really prioritized. But having agreements with your team and then being able to honor that, it’s kind of like a “Do Not Disturb” sign. I have done this with manufacturing clients, with pharmaceutical clients, with media clients, where they have created internal team versions of Do Not Disturb. So one of my media clients in New York, they have these little signs on the back of their chair and it’s like red and green.
If it’s red and you walk up to their chair, that’s their internal version of Do Not Disturb. One of my pharmaceutical clients has these little soft cush balls that they sit on their monitor. If you walk up to their monitor, you can see this tiny soft cush ball which is their internal Do not Distrub sign, and the team have become so good at not interrupting each other. We have to think through what’s going to work for you, what’s going to work for your team.
Pete Mockaitis
I like that so much. It reminds me of this Brazilian steakhouse with the red and the green.
Neen James
Oh yeah, exactly! Same thing.
Pete Mockaitis
Bring me delicious meat versus “No thank you, I’m satisfied for now.”
Neen James
[Laugh] I love it.
Pete Mockaitis
Very cool. It’s really fun how that does become sort of normative and folks can all respect it. I suppose they will know if they need to … if there’s a true emergency that requires an overriding of the indicator. One of my favorite things, you talk about headphones … this might be overboard but I like my Bose noise cancelling headphones and then I have earplugs on inside them.
Neen James
Oh really? That’s amazing, so no one can penetrate the sound barrier.
Pete Mockaitis
It really is. Sometimes I’ll be startled like “Ah, there you are. I had no idea.” That does happen sometimes and then it’s sort of fun. If you remove an earplug, it’s kind of like “Whoa, this guy.” For better or for worse, I don’t know what exactly the message that sends out, whether this guy’s a freak, he’s a real weirdo and/or “Whoa, that dude was focused. Maybe I should carefully think if it’s essential that I interrupt this flow state.”
Neen James
I think that we need to understand what works for us doesn’t always work for everyone else, and we need to communicate more actively about where we need to be able to focus our attention and how others can help us as well. It does require great grown-up conversations, but it will totally increase your productivity.
Pete Mockaitis
Very nice. In terms of our overall capacity to pay attention, I hear all these stats like “our attention span has shrunk from twelve seconds to eight seconds.” I still don’t quite know how that’s being measured. I want to dig into that study one of these days, but tell us what are some approaches to improve our very mental ability to pay attention?
Neen James
Let’s just start with the fact that no one actually had evidence that our attention span is shrinking. No one had evidence that when you have the attention span of a goldfish … I mean who wants to be compared to a goldfish? It’s crazy town. Every piece of research we tried to find where people were actually measuring true adult attention spans wasn’t happening. I think what happens is Pete, our attention is split.
We have to be aware that we are splitting our attention, and what that means is we have to then think about for us to really pay attention in a more profitable way, in a more productive way, in a more thoughtful way, we have to think about who’s in front of us right now and how much of our attention do they need or deserve at that point in time. What really needs our attention and what do we need to do to be able to progress that particular task, activity or conversation? And then how are we going to show people we’re paying attention? That could be the simplicity of looking someone in the eye when they’re talking. It could be the simplicity of taking notes so that you don’t forget what is being said. It might be the opportunity to ask a question to see if you really understand what the person is sharing with you. We’ve got to be able to be more diligent.
My little five year old friend gave me the best lesson in this. If anyone has a five year old listening to this, you know what it’s like to try and debate with a five year old. My friend Donovan and I were in a very heated debate and then at one point, he grabbed up to me. He was so annoyed. He and I were kind of discussing something. He thought I wasn’t paying attention to him. He jumped up to meet me. He grabbed my tiny face in his tiny little hands, he turned it towards him and he said “Me, listen with your eyes.” He was five years old. That wisdom from a child has totally changed the way that I pay attention, where we have to show people we’re listening with our eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Certainly. I’d love for you to expand upon that. I guess that means that you’re looking at them and not sort of trailing off, and what else in extremely specific tactical terms?
Neen James
One of the things we found was there were a couple of studies that were done where people were experimenting with a device on the table, and whether people trusted you if you had your device on the table, whether they felt like they were being valued. It was interesting in all these different research studies that we were looking at, that people often trust you less, that they feel less important with you if they can see your device. What they’re thinking is, there’s someone else who needs your attention or you’re going to default to your device instead of paying attention in that conversation.
So we need to think about all of the things that potentially pull on our attention too, whether it is maybe people working in an open plan office, so there’s constant noise and smells and sounds and laughter and music and conversations all around us. Maybe it is when we’re meeting with someone, what’s happening in the conference room as far as if we’re letting someone dial in. Do they really get our attention? Do we include them? Do we involve them? Listening with our eyes is not just the physical act of looking someone in the eye, but in a virtual world we also have to think about when we reply to an email Pete, do we really answer the question or the concern that was addressed? Do we truly listen to the webinar?
Do we listen in on the teleconference and provide an answer at the appropriate time? When you think about how much we don’t pay attention, it’s fascinating. I think we live in a time where we are paying attention, but just not paying attention to the right people, the right things, the right way.
Pete Mockaitis
Interesting. I think that really gets you thinking in terms of just being intentional then with regard to … I think about these teleconferences where folks are not paying attention and you’re advocating to pay full attention. That makes me think, maybe these teleconferences I shouldn’t be in the first place.
Neen James
Yes, sometimes it means declining a meeting. Sometimes that’s the best use of your attention. In the book, we talk about intentional attention. It’s the choices we make and the actions we take. I use the word leader, whether you are yourself personally leading a team of people or whether you are a leader. As leaders, we have a responsibility to be intentional with our attention because it’s intention that makes attention valuable.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, tell me anything else you really want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some your favorite things.
Neen James
We think we’re paying attention but we’re not, and I just want to challenge our listeners going back to those three things – can we pay attention to the right people, the right things, the right way? Use that as a filter when you catch yourself not paying attention with intention.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, thank you. Now can you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?
Neen James
I love when Oliver Wendell Holmes “A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.” I love that.
Pete Mockaitis
And tell me, have you found particular ideas stretched your mind a whole lot that you’d care to share here now?
Neen James
I think it probably goes to my favorite book, which is called The Thought Leaders Practice written by Matt Church who was an early mentor and now a business partner. In Thought Leaders Practice, he talks about how we can really demonstrate our ideas with visual tools and how we can position our expertise, whether we are internal corporate person or an external entrepreneur. I think for me, it’s this ability to show people what message you’re trying to share with them. I love contextual modeling and that’s something that I’ve become fascinated with.
Pete Mockaitis      
Thank you. How about a favorite study or experiment or a bit of research?
Neen James
There are so many that I was looking at for my Attention Pays book. I found it really hard to narrow it down. What I think is really important if we want to be more awesome in the way we pay attention is that we become our own study and start to study ourselves on how we’re showing up, how we’re paying attention and then seeing how we can change that.
I don’t have one particular one but I am quite fascinated with how each of us pays attention to ourselves, so maybe we become our own study.
Pete Mockaitis      
How about a favorite book?
Neen James
The Thought Leaders Practice by Matt Church. I’d probably go back to that one. That is definitely one of my favorites and it’s one that I go back to time and time and time again. The other one that I love is at the completely different end of the scale, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
Pete Mockaitis      
Yes, thank you. How about a favorite tool?
Neen James
I go back to two apps. One would be Freedom app I mentioned earlier in the interview, and the other one would be Text Expander. It is my all time favorite and I use it every day multiple times a day.
Pete Mockaitis      
Completely agree, and they were also our first sponsor so thank you Text Expander.
Neen James
Great job, they’re amazing.
Pete Mockaitis
Agreed. How about a favorite habit, a personal practice of yours that helps you be awesome?
Neen James
I write Thank You notes every day. I find one reason to write one Thank you note, whether it’s while I’m traveling to housekeeping, whether it’s a client that I’ve had the privilege of serving, whether it’s a barista who’s made me an amazing coffee or whether it’s someone that I really care about in my personal life. I make sure that I write one Thank You note every day.
Pete Mockaitis
Cool. How long are these thank you notes? How long does it take? Do you have a system?
Neen James
I do carry stamp stationery with me everywhere so I always have them in my bag. I always have them at my desk and I have them in my car, so the system is keep stamp stationary with you all the time.
Pete Mockaitis
This can only happen in the morning or the afternoon or evening?
Neen James
I have a deal with myself. I don’t go to bed until one’s written. Sometimes it’s a little bit messy late at night, but generally speaking they happen throughout the day.
Pete Mockaitis
All right. Is there a particular nugget, a piece that you share that tends to really resonate and connect with folks and gets quoted back to you, a Neen original piece of brilliance?
Neen James
Listen with your eyes.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay, and Neen is there a particular place where you’d like folks to learn more. If they want to get in touch, where would you point them?
Neen James
There’s only one Neen James online. If you go to NeenJames.com, you’ll find everything you need and you can follow me on social media at Neen James.
Pete Mockaitis
Do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks seeking to be awesome at their job?
Neen James
I want you to invest fifteen minutes in an appointment with yourself and I want you to try this every work day. Identify your top three not negotiable activities before your head hits the pillow that night. Try it for me for one week. I guarantee your productivity will increase.
Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Neen, thank you so much for sharing this. It was fun to reconnect after some years and you’re continuing to rock and roll and make a huge difference. This was a lot of fun, thank you.
Neen James
It was a privilege. Thank you for everything you do in the world. This podcast makes such a difference to people to allow them to be awesome at their job and pay attention to what matters.