In episode 1121, Ali Merchant reveals the small shifts you can implement today to become a better leader immediately.
Most managers are accidental managers. Often, people become managers because of their expertise rather than their leadership skills. As a result, many managers are ill-equipped to handle their new responsibilities. However, the issue isn’t that they’re accidental managers. Instead, the it becomes an issue when they stop learning and stay accidental because they become too busy.
Go from accidental to all-in by focusing on three things:
- Personally caring about the success of your people.
- Being an insatiable learner.
- Driving meaningful results.
Ali stresses his use of language. There’s a huge difference between “meaningful results” and “results.” Moreover, you need all three to become an all-in manager, not just one or two.
Stop avoiding difficult conversations because that ruins relationships. Ali shares five steps to take out the tension from difficult conversations:
- Ask for permission. No matter what your feedback is, people will be on guard when they hear you need to talk. This step gives them time to prepare and also puts you on an even playing field.
- Share your intention. That way, the other person knows where you’re coming from.
- Identify the “what.” Mention the specific behavior that prompted the conversation, but avoid passing judgments. For example, “When you raise your voice” is a behavior, but “When you’re rude” is a judgment.
- Explain the “so what.” Share how that specific behavior is affecting either you or the people around you.
- Offer the “now what.” Outline what needs to happen next. You might ask them if they’ve had the same observations or request that they correct their behavior.
Give positive feedback to get others to appreciate your constructive feedback. People will be more likely to hear you out if they know you have their back. Make it a habit to say something good when you see something good.
Make one-on-ones more engaging by making the meeting about them. Start by asking, “What’s top of mind for you?” or any other similar question. That not only demonstrates care, but it also allows your direct report to share context you might otherwise miss. Other questions to ask include:
- What are you working on?
- Where do you need help?
- What are your blockers?
- How can I help reduce your blockers?
Resist the urge to give advice and ask a question instead. The best coaches and therapists do that to draw out the answers from the other person.
Read/listen to the full conversation HERE.
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