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974: The Eight Inner Skills to Career Happiness with Stella Grizont

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Stella Grizont shares the simple things everyone can do to feel happier and more fulfilled every day.

You’ll Learn

  1. The master key for overcoming toxic situations
  2. The key response that builds quality relationships
  3. How to set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty 

About Stella

Time Magazine named Stella a leading happiness expert. As a speaker and executive coach, Stella works with leaders who are seeking deeper career fulfillment and with organizations that are dedicated to elevating the well-being and engagement of their employees. Her debut book based on her signature coaching program, The Work Happiness Method: Master the 8 Skills to Career Fulfillment, was an instant USA Today Bestseller.

In the last 17 years, Stella has coached over 1,800 individuals in over 30 countries. Stella was one of the first 150 people in the world to earn a master’s in Applied Positive Psychology (aka the science of happiness) from the University of Pennsylvania. She lives in New Jersey with her husband, daughter, and son, who continue to teach her what life is all about.

Resources Mentioned

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Stella Grizont Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Stella, welcome.

Stella Grizont
Thank you so much for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I’m excited to dig into your wisdom associated with work happiness. Could you tell us any particularly extra surprising or fascinating discoveries you’ve made about work happiness with all of your coaching and putting together your book here?

Stella Grizont
Well, in the book, I did a lot of research, and one of the things that’s really just stuck with me was around how much social support matters. And when we’re in a state of fight or flight, and we’re feeling stressed, just having a friend or someone we know who cares about us by our side can literally change our perception of reality. It can change how we feel about the challenge ahead. It transforms how we estimate how hard something is.

There was a study done where researchers took two groups of participants at the base of a hill, and one group got to stand with a friend by their side and another group was standing on their own. And they were asked, “How steep is this hill? How steep is the slant of this hill?” And those with a friend by their side estimated the steepness to be less.

So, when you’re asking about how we perceive the challenge ahead, or what do we think about a really difficult situation, the presence of a friend can actually change how we perceive what’s up ahead. And so, that’s just really oriented me to, especially as an introvert, to make sure that I’m supplementing. We supplement with vitamins but we have to make sure we’re really supplementing with people that we care about and feel connected to.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that’s really intriguing, the notion of how difficult we estimate a thing to be is variable. And I’ve seen that in my own world in terms of if I’m feeling kind of stressed about a thing, it’s like, “Oh, this is probably going to take two hours.” It’s like, “Okay, no, it took half an hour, but I was just freaking out.”

Stella Grizont
Our emotions really determine the reality that we experience. They can influence the reality that we experience. They’re both like information about what’s happening, but then they also influence how we perceive what’s happening, so it’s a two-way street. And if we know that, we can actually, and one of the skills I teach in my book, is, “How do you manage your mind and mood so that you can see more, so that you can be more, so that you can be more in control?”

And if we know this about ourselves, we can make more conscious choices about what moods we’re cultivating and how we respond to our own emotions so that we can set ourselves up to flourish and have more ease and think more clearly.

Pete Mockaitis
I definitely want to talk about managing moods. And maybe, first of all, if there’s anyone who’s perhaps skeptical about that that’s even possible, like, “Moods just kind of fall upon us. Can one even manage them?” could you maybe give us an inspiring story of someone who managed their mood and used some of these other skills to really see a cool transformation?

Stella Grizont
Whenever I give a talk we go through some evidence-based techniques, and within 30 seconds, participants are like, “Oh, my shoulders are relaxing,” or “I feel lighter,” or “I feel more relaxed,” and it doesn’t take much for us to change our minds and moods. Our emotions are in motion, and that’s a good thing, that they’re never constant, because they’re datapoints about our surroundings. And sometimes we can’t control our initial response, even though we’d really love to, but we can control our response to our response once we notice that emotion.

So, I had a client who was dealing with a manager who was a bully. I mean, he would yell inappropriately, use inappropriate language. It was very inappropriate, and she found herself crying all the time, and she had never been in that position before. She was a people manager, very successful, but this guy was not only inappropriate, but really getting to her, and she felt like she couldn’t hold it together in his presence.

And so, we practiced, she went through “The Work Happiness Method,” which is now a book, but it’s also a coaching program, and we really worked on some techniques to help her attune to who she wanted to show up as, and just simple techniques, practicing breath work, getting clear on her vision of who she wanted to be, remembering her sense of control, preparing for that difficult conversation. So, there are so many things that we can do that are simple and instant. I mean, if you want, we can get through some, we can do some right now for folks.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I guess what I’m curious to hear is, so she did those things and then what happened on the other side?

Stella Grizont
So, we prepared for a difficult conversation, and the most difficult part of a difficult conversation is your preparation beforehand. That’s what I call your approach, that’s another skill that we cover in the book, because your energy is everything in a difficult conversation. Our moods are contagious. Our emotions are contagious for a number of reasons. We have mirror neurons, so when a baby’s smiling, we can’t help but smile. But when someone’s also really angry and frustrated, we find ourselves clenching up and feeling like something’s off.

And so, we’re just able to catch each other’s moods. So, if you’re going to go into a difficult conversation, the number one thing you can control is your energy beforehand. And so, we made sure that she was in a good place, that she felt confident going in, that she felt neutral, that she even had empathy for this really horrible leader, and she was able to actually express that she would no longer be able to work in these conditions.

If they were going to be able to work together and have a positive working relationship, they needed to re-examine how they communicated. And she ended up staying at that organization and actually getting a lot of the things that she needed, including additional support and headcount, including more travel that she wanted. So, it really was transformational for her.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s really beautiful. I think a lot of times, if we are encountering someone who’s toxic and very problematic, we can conclude, “Well, that person is just a jerk and this is a hopeless situation. There’s nothing I can do. I just got to look for the exit.” And yet, here you are when you share, in some cases, very clearly, “These conditions are not working for me and they’ll need to change or I’ll need to exit,” then good things can happen. Folks can have a transformation.

I’m curious, on the receiving end there, how was the manager responding to that information? Like, “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” or was it like, “Yeah, I have some problems, I’ve been working on them. Thank you for being clear with me. This is a wake-up call.” How does one receive that without just flipping out and making it worse?

Stella Grizont
I don’t think there was an apology, but there was, the things that she had requested, he responded to. So, she had asked for, if he was feeling frustrated, for him to talk about it sooner rather than later, for him to be able to write things out, for him to give her additional support, for them to do more planning together so he wasn’t so surprised. So, he actually changed his behavior.

But in this case, what was more important for her was actually her demonstrating to herself that she could have this conversation. That was the growth for her. And so, there’s always growth opportunities in really challenging moments. And for her, it was witnessing herself be powerful in a very, very challenging moment.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, Stella, this is inspiring stuff. So, we are not victims to our moods. We are not even victims to terrible bosses or toxic environments. There’s a lot of power that we could summon and make happen. So, I want to dig into some of these particular tools in a moment. But first could you give us, from all your research, what’s kind of the state of work happiness these days? 

Stella Grizont
So, generally, we know that about three-quarters of employees are not engaged.

Pete Mockaitis
All right, yeah, the Gallup stuff.

Stella Grizont
The Gallup stuff, right. So, we all know that we’re very disengaged, but just as a background, the U.S. has dropped in terms of happiness levels. According to the 2024 World Happiness Report, the U.S. fell eight places from 15th place to 23rd place.

Pete Mockaitis
In one year?

Stella Grizont
In one year.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, bummer.

Stella Grizont
But you know what? To be honest, 15th isn’t that great either for being one of the most wealthy nations, a democracy. And it’s been pretty flat. And I think the reason why the U.S. has not been in a great place, and it’s gotten even worse, is because we’re lonely and we’re isolated. Not just because, you know, we started off our conversation about how much social support matters. Well, relationships are the number one predictor of our happiness, the number one predictor of our happiness, above and beyond how healthy we are, how much money we earn, how successful we are, how confident we are.

And so, in the United States, we tend to prioritize our work over our connections. We move cross-country for our jobs and so we end up dislodging our social connections, our familial connections, and then we’re also working from home now, and we’re not getting just interaction. And what researchers have found is that, just like we need a diverse diet of, like, veggies and proteins and grains, we also need a diverse social diet.

So, it’s not just about staying connected to people who we have strong social ties with, we also need a lot of weak social ties, like saying hello to the postal worker, saying hello to the security guard, having a nice chit-chat with the person who’s making you coffee, or the Uber driver. We need interactions because they signal to our nervous system that we’re safe.

And, again, that’s what also signals what we’re up against, and that can create a veil over how we perceive anything, whether it’s if someone says, “Hey, can we talk about X, Y, and Z?” and you perceive that as a threat, or as, “Oh, let’s just explore.” So, our nervous system is constantly on patrol for threat, and if we feel lonely, then our body is in a stressed-out state and we’re more likely to perceive everything as a threat and feel quite unhappy.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, so social stuff is big. That’s come up a couple times already. Within your work, The Work Happiness Method, any pro tips on dealing with that in the context of work careers?

Stella Grizont
Well, one, this actually wasn’t in the book, but this is one of my favorite tools to share, just a very practical tool. When someone comes to you with good news, it’s so important for us to respond with celebration. So, this is the easiest hack for building quality relationships. So, researchers found that there’s four main ways that we respond to good news. One response is active-destructive.

So, let’s say my husband tells me he got a promotion, I could say, “Oh, you got a promotion. This means you’re going to be working late. You’re never going to be home. I’m going to have to do more bedtime with the kids.” So, I’m actively destroying his high. That’s the worst way we can respond is when we just like pummel the goodness.

Then a little bit better but still horrible is passive-destructive, and that’s where someone says, my husband says he had a raise or a promotion, and I would say, “What do you want for dinner?” So, I just ignore his good news and I jump into something else. Slightly better is passive-constructive, and that’s where he says, “Oh, my God, I got a promotion, I got a raise,” and then I would say, “That’s nice. So, what should we eat?” So, I acknowledged it but not really.

And the most optimal way we want to respond to someone else’s good news is with our presence, our attention, our curiosity. We want to actively build up and savor the good news. And so, that would sound like, “Oh, my God, tell me all about it. That’s so exciting. I know you worked so hard. How are you feeling about it? Tell me all the details.” So, we’re having them reconstruct the event, re-savor the event. We’re adding to it.

And so, the reason why we want to do this is because it signals to the other person that we are a safe person for them to go to when they are ready to celebrate. We all have had good news in our life and have all made conscious decisions about, “Ooh, I don’t want to tell this person because they’re just going to make me feel like crap afterwards. They’re not a safe person for me to go to.”

And so, what researchers have found is that the relationships we go to when we have good news actually matter more than when we have bad news. So how we respond to people in good times actually matters more than how we respond in bad times when it comes to cultivating a strong relationship. So, just celebrate. Be a better celebrator.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. I love it. And I’m reminded we had a conversation with B.J. Fogg, and we were talking more about habits. But he said that celebration is absolutely such a top important thing associated with creation of habits, and now also for relationships. So, good stuff. And I think, is this the Gottman Research, these four response approaches? It sounds a little familiar.

Stella Grizont
This is actually from Shelly Gable, and she discovered these four responses to good news.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, now I’m wondering, I don’t know if it was Shelly Gable or John Gottman or whom, but I think that the data was pretty striking that having a minimal acknowledgement was like almost as bad as being actively destructive, like it was pretty shocking how, “Hey, great job,” and a quick move on is nearly as devastating as just being totally mean.

Stella Grizont
Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, as humans, we crave a sense of meaning and purpose. And we don’t have to climb a mountaintop to feel on purpose. We don’t have to do grand gestures to be on purpose. We want to contribute to something bigger. And why do we want to contribute to something bigger? Because we want to matter somehow, and mattering can be experienced by just feeling someone else’s presence and care, and giving that presence and care.

And so, we’re just beautifully interlocked to matter to each other. It’s the bedrock of our wellbeing and of our success. So, if we just help someone else matter, and also feel that we matter to someone else, it can catapult our success. It can catapult our wellbeing and our happiness.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, Stella, we’ve got some good stuff on relationships. You have, in fact, eight essential skills in your Work Happiness Method. Could you give us maybe the quick four-minute bird’s-eye overview of what are these eight essential skills?

Stella Grizont
Sure. So, the first one is resilience, and that’s how to manage your mind and mood because we have to start there. The second is having a clear vision of what success means to you, so it’s clarity, and knowing who you want to be, who are you when you are most alive. Most of us define success backwards. We, first, pick really sexy goals, and we think of all the things we want to achieve.

The problem with that is that, and I’m sure many of your listeners have experienced this, you can achieve all the things and still be left feeling empty, burnt out, lonely, or completely confused about who you are. And so, what we want to do is reverse engineer and first identify, “How do I want to feel and be at work?” and then choose goals that support that. And so, the second chapter and the second skill is all about figuring out who you want to be.

After we figure that out and we develop your vision, then we build the skill around purpose, and that’s about making decisions that support your being, the person you defined in your vision. It’s about knowing how to make decisions with confidence so that you can feel on purpose every day. Now, once we know how to manage your mind and mood, we have your vision, we have your values, now it’s time for you to set your boundaries, and that’s what the next chapter is about, and that’s the next important inner skill.

And boundaries are less about saying no, but they’re actually more about saying yes to what matters, yes to your vision, yes to your values. So, I walk people through, very practically, “Where do you set boundaries? How do you set them? And also, how do you have compassion for yourself if it’s really freaking hard for you to do it?” Because I am a recovering people-pleaser, and I think folks who are people-pleasers are the ones who really have a hard time with boundaries.

And it’s important to understand that people, we talk about people-pleasing so casually, but actually for many folks, it’s actually a trauma response. And so, it’s very important to understand the psychology behind why we struggle with boundaries because it will help set you free. So, once we know what our boundaries are, and we create greater ease for us to be who we want to be, then we talk about, “Well, how do you be who you want to be in times of uncertainty?” And that’s through the inner skill of play.

Playfulness is an inherent capability that we have as humans, and it helps us navigate uncertainty and flourish through it so we don’t stay stuck. And then once we learn how to be more playful, especially in hard and uncertain times, the next inner skill is about discovery, and that’s about exploring. Now that we can have a play mindset in the face of uncertainty, how do we figure out what’s next?

So, whether you’re just, you know, doing okay and you just don’t know what’s next, whether or not there’s lots of uncertainty and change in your organization, maybe there’s some kind of health scare or change within your family, like, “How do you explore what’s next in a way that will set you up to flourish?”

And then it’s inevitable that we have to talk to people when it comes to just navigating the world, and so I have a chapter on approach, which is about, “How do you have those difficult conversations? And how do you set yourself up for transformation instead of confrontation?” And then the final inner skill that I cover is called refocus, and that’s about, “How do you return to yourself when things get off track? When things don’t go your way, how do you settle with the universe? And how do you make sense out of hard times?”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Thank you. So, we’ve had some good chats about relationship bits. When it comes to managing mood, are there any top tactics that are really just transformational here?

Stella Grizont
One of my favorite tools to give my clients is called the complaint vacation. So, we often find ourselves complaining aloud or even in our heads, and complaining is not just noticing what’s wrong, it’s the additional suffering about what’s wrong. So, it’s not just saying, “It’s really hot outside today.” It’s, “Oh, it’s so hot. Oh, my God, I’m so tired of this weather.” So, it’s the grievance, it’s the suffering. That’s a choice.

And so, if there’s something that you find yourself complaining about pretty regularly, just give yourself permission for the next week to take a vacation from that because I think we all are tired of our own complaining. I like to couple a complaint vacation with gratitude. So, it’s not just noticing what’s wrong but it’s paying extra special attention to what is right. And it’s not just listing off what’s right, but it’s what’s uniquely right today.

So, it’s not just that I’m grateful for my family, but I’m so grateful for the snuggles I had with my three-year-old before he went to daycare. So it’s getting really, really specific. And then, finally, you know, I think one of the things when it comes to managing our mind and mood is people think that being happy is just about like noticing what’s good, but actually I think one of the keys and skills to being happy is knowing how to be unhappy, and how to actually be with your negative emotions.

And so, one of the simplest things you can do when you notice you’re feeling off and you’re not in the mood that you’d like to be is just to be curious about that mood, and first just label that emotion. Like, if you’re feeling off, take a moment and be like, “Okay, what’s this about?” Get curious, “What is this? Is this frustration? Is this disappointment? Is this anger? Is this loneliness?” Give it a name.

Because when we give it a name, we’re actually shifting the brain activity from our amygdala, the fight-or-flight center, to our prefrontal cortex, which is the big-picture thinking, that’s the planning, that’s the executive function, and so we’re able to actually help ourselves. Because once we label, then we’re like, “Oh, I’m just feeling really frustrated that that report didn’t go out on time. Maybe I should talk about processes with my team so that we can prevent that moving forward.”

So, we start to help ourselves. Metabolize the emotion faster. So just by labeling the emotion and being with it and being curious about it, not trying to push it away, you can actually help yourself be happier in the long run.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. Thank you. I like that notion of what’s uniquely good about this today in terms of getting that brain kind of tuned into that stuff and noticing what’s really special about that. That’s really cool. When one does a complaint vacation, I can see how we can catch ourselves in not verbalizing complaints, yet still, quite possibly internally in our own mind’s ear, rattle off plenty of complaints. How do you think about approaching that?

Stella Grizont
Yeah, I love that question. And this is the thing with when we complain, this is just something I’ve noticed, is that we’ve usually skipped over the step of acknowledging our emotion. We’ve actually bypassed our own emotion, and now we’re in an instant place of suffering. So, there’s probably a space before that, before we get really like annoyed or flustered, or we’re suffering or we’re complaining, that we skipped over.

And so, just acknowledging your emotions can actually help you be with the event without having extra layers of suffering about it.

So, if you find yourself in a complaining loop, you want to pause and, again, be curious, and be like, “What’s really going on for me here?” Because it’s probably not the thing. There’s some emotion that wants attention. And if we just get quiet enough to notice it, that’s actually the first step of having some self-compassion, and then we might say to ourselves, “Wow, of course I’m feeling really upset. It’s hot and it’s uncomfortable and I can’t do my work. And that makes it really hard.”

And then the next step of self-compassion is just being gentle with yourself like you would a friend. Like, “Yeah, of course, Stella.” Like validating your emotions. And then you want to remind yourself that you’re human, just like everyone else, and, yeah, being really sweaty is going to make anyone grumpy, and just be kind and compassionate. And that can actually transform the complaining, and that can really slow down the volume of that complaining and then to notice what’s good if you can. And that’s what I hope for everyone who reads the book or whoever I work with, is to realize their power over their experience. And the power is first realizing, “I am complaining,” or, “I’m noticing myself complaining,” and then to notice that you have choices. That’s the power. So, if you are noticing you’re complaining, you’re already in a good place. You’re already winning because you’re at least observing it.

Pete Mockaitis
To note, the particular emotion, and not jump through it. I’m reminded of Dr. Trevor Kashey. We’ve got to get him on the show. He has a framework that is STFU, which is sort of a joke in and of itself, which is like stimulus, thought, feeling, urge. And these are four separate things. Like, what you want to run and go do, the urge is different than the thought that you’re having, or the feeling you’re having, or the thing itself that’s present.

And I find that’s kind of helpful to you stop and march through that, and say, “Oh, okay,” we’re going to have a moment where we could just go ahead and feel that thing and let that flow through for a moment, and that’s all right, and maybe even helpful in just letting it pass instead of just telling a big old story and perpetuating it.

Stella Grizont
Yes. If we could slow down just a little bit, like in general as humans, and touch base with ourselves, we realize our power, we metabolize our emotions better, and we make better choices. So, I think a lot, we could all benefit with slowing down.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, I’m curious now with regard to the boundaries. Any favorite words, phrases, scripts you might suggest, because we could feel maybe uncomfortable in establishing a boundary? It’s like, “Oh, I don’t want to upset them,” or “I make them think I’m unmotivated or lazy or not a team player,” etc. Any magical turns of phrase you might suggest for folks?

Stella Grizont
Absolutely. So, as I shared before, I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and this is a lifelong practice. All of these tools, they’re all part of building a skillset, and you have to keep at it, or we just get stronger and better. And so, if you’re an auto-yes kind of person and someone’s like, “Hey, can you join this committee?” or “Hey, can you do this by 5:00?” or “Hey, we’d love your help,” if you find yourself automatically saying yes right away, one thing you can do is just delay.

So, you would say, “Hey, thanks so much for considering me for this. Can I get back to you in an hour, in a day, next week? Can I get back to you? Thanks so much. Can I get back to you?” This will buy you time to make a more conscious decision and decide, “Is this a yes for me? Is this a no?” Or, “Do I have questions? What’s driving the timing? Why me? Why are we doing this?”

So, oftentimes, again, it’s about slowing things down so that you can make more conscious decisions. So, I would just ask for some time, “Let me look at my schedule. I want to give you my best. I haven’t had a chance to assess what I have going on this week.” And people are happy to give you time.

When it comes to boundaries, it’s really about microdosing. I call it microdosing. So baby, baby, baby, baby steps. Because what you’re doing is you’re retraining your nervous system to feel safe even when maybe people aren’t totally pleased. So, we need to train ourselves to feel safe. And so, one microdose, one little baby step you can take is just to say, “Let me get back to you.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, tell me, Stella, anything you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Stella Grizont
Writing this book took me over nine years, and it was something I really wrestled with. And there were many times where it felt like I was pushing and I wasn’t going anywhere. And I talk about this inner skill of refocusing, which sometimes requires us to stay down when we’re down. It sometimes requires us to listen and learn from when things don’t go our way.

And I just want to offer some words of encouragement for folks who feel like they’re hitting a wall. And in the book, I talk about, well, maybe it’s not so much of a setback, but a setup for something better, and to really question, “How is this serving me? What growth is this setting me up for? What is this signaling?”

Really asking some bigger questions so that you can get to transform through that really hard time. Because I truly believe it’s all of service, just like that client who was dealing with the bully, like she got to step up and really regain her power, and that was a gift that her boss gave her even though he was an a-hole.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Yeah, well it’s done, a setup, instead of a setback. Cool. Well, now could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Stella Grizont
So the founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, I hope I’m saying that right, he said, “It’s not that I don’t get off-center, it’s that I return to center so quickly no one ever notices.” And so that’s the thing with all these inner skills, we’re going to mess up. The work is not to be perfect. The work is in returning to ourselves a little faster, a little bit more gracefully each time.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And favorite study or piece of research?

Stella Grizont
So, in 2006, there was this eye-tracking study done by Wadlinger and Isaacowitz, where they took two groups of participants, and they induced one group of participants into a positive mood by just showing them pictures, puppies, babies. And then another, they took another group and induced them into a negative mood, and then they put eye-tracking goggles on them, and they asked them to look at an image on a screen.

And the people who were in a negative mood, their eyes tended to stay on one particular area of the screen and just hover there, focus. And then those who were in a positive mood, their eyes tended to go around the periphery of the screen and then scatter within. So, they literally took in the big picture. They saw more. The people who are in a negative mood kind of had tunnel vision. So, again, it just shows the impact of our emotions on how we see the world, and how important it is for us to manage our minds and moods so that we can see more.

Pete Mockaitis
And a favorite book?

Stella Grizont
This is a book by Mark Nepo, and it’s Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What Is Sacred.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite tool, something you use to be awesome at your job?

Stella Grizont
At the end of the day, and this is a tool I share in my book, I ask myself what I call accountability questions, which are questions to reflect on three values I’m looking to amplify in my life. So, they’re open-ended and they’re “How did I support my well-being today, because my vitality is important?” “How did I express love to the people I care about?” And the third one I move around a lot, but it’s actually now it’s going to be about play, but it’s, “How did I have fun today?”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And is there a key nugget you share that particularly seems to resonate and connect with folks; they quote back to you often?

Stella Grizont
Well, people really love this exercise that I have that’s called the Vision Generator, and that’s what you do in Chapter 2. People can, if they don’t want to buy the book, which I’d love them to, or do the course, you can get it for free at VisionGenerator.com. And what people often love is the ease and the hand-holding to really go deep and reflect on what one really, really, really wants, and so they really love that exercise because that really sets them free. And to realize that there’s infinite ways to feel more satisfied at work and in your life, even if the circumstances are what they are and they’re not perfect.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Stella Grizont
They can go to my website, StellaGrizont.com. And I’m also on Instagram and LinkedIn.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Stella Grizont
I would start with the Vision Generator. So, if you want to be awesome at your job, you have to know what’s important, how you want to show up, and knowing your vision is so critical because it organizes your values, the steps that you take, and the behaviors you engage in. And so, that’s vision generator, and they can get that at VisionGenerator.com.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Stella, this has been a treat. I wish you much work happiness.

Stella Grizont
Thank you so much, Pete. Thank you for having me.

973: Mastering the New Rules of Persuasion with Leslie Zane

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Leslie Zane reveals why traditional persuasion tactics often fall short—and offers a new alternative that’s more effective.

You’ll Learn

  1. Why most attempts at persuasion fall short  
  2. How to bypass resistance with triggers 
  3. The unexpected people who will drive your success 

About Leslie

Leslie Zane is an award-winning marketer, TEDx speaker and the foremost authority in harnessing the instinctive mind to accelerate brand and business growth. In 1995, she founded Triggers®, a CMO advisory and the first brand consulting firm rooted in behavioral science, where she continued to champion the primacy of the instinctive mind in brand decisions. With her groundbreaking discoveries in boosting salience, the Brand Connectome® and Growth Triggers®, Zane and her team have delivered over 2X incremental revenue growth for their Fortune 100 clients. Today, Triggers’ strategies are evident in diverse fields from consumer-packaged goods, health care and insurance.

An alumna of Yale, Harvard Business School and Bain & Company, Zane is a recipient of the Congressional Women of Distinction and the Ogilvy Award. In 2021, she coined the term “Covid-stasis” forecasting the pandemic’s lasting psychological and behavioral effects.  Zane has been published in prestigious publications including Knowledge@Wharton, Harvard Business Review, World Economic Forum, Newsweek and Ad Age. Zane is a board member of El Centro Hispano, the leading non-profit empowering Hispanic immigrants with skills to thrive in the United States.

Resources Mentioned

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Leslie Zane Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Leslie, welcome.

Leslie Zane
Hi, Pete. It’s lovely to see you and to be here today. Thanks so much for having me.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, thank you. I’m excited to hear your wisdom. And I’d love it if maybe you could kick us off with a particularly surprising or counterintuitive discovery you’ve made about us humans and persuasion and influence over the course of your illustrious career?

Leslie Zane
Well, that’s pretty easy because my entire book is about the fact that human beings are unpersuadable. We try really hard, we try to convince, cajole, we hammer people over the head with messages but, at the end of the day, we’re really just trying to convince a conscious mind that doesn’t want to be convinced because you really can’t persuade anybody of anything. But what you can do is kind of go around that and tap into their instincts, which is a completely different mechanism, and you have much more success there.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that is fascinating. Could you bring it home for us, if the listeners are saying, “I don’t know if that’s true. I could be convinced of some things.” Leslie, lay it on us, what’s the evidence that, in fact, we are not convincible?

Leslie Zane
Well, 95% of the decisions that we make are made on instinct. We may have a post-instinct rationalization of a decision that we made, so we may think that we were making that decision consciously, and with rational information, but most of the time, most of the decisions we make about brands and actually about many things in our lives, we make them on instinct.

And we see this over and over again, and we’ve seen it in every category, we’ve seen it in financial services, we’ve seen it in insurance, even doctors prescribe HCPs, healthcare providers prescribe medications on instinct. So, everybody thinks that they’re in control of their decisions, but for the most part they’re making decisions instinctively, and it’s their subconscious mind that takes over.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, so now, if we all think that we’re making them consciously but we’re actually not, how does one learn, or know, or discover, or prove this phenomenon is, in fact, at play?

Leslie Zane
Well, so that goes to the question of, “How do we understand people’s drivers, their decision drivers?” And the answer to that is you really can’t trust what people say. And this is why most conscious surveys are misleading, many of them, why political polls are often wrong before a presidential election, because we are asking people conscious questions.

And they think they know the answers, but that’s not necessarily what takes over when it comes to the actual decision, let’s say, in the voting booth. They’re probably going to do something completely different than what they said they were going to do in the conscious survey. Does that make sense?

Pete Mockaitis
I hear you. I guess I’m thinking of the specific example of polling. I mean, maybe they made their decision, or maybe I’m nitpicking here, Leslie. So maybe folks have already made their decision and they’re honestly reporting it, but that decision was made previously based on instinct, like, “Oh, I like that. He’s handsome,” is maybe subconsciously what’s operating. Because, I guess, I’m thinking polling is like, eh, close-ish, right, in the ballpark?

Leslie Zane
In the world of marketing, when it comes to brands, when you think about the kinds of research that companies do, generally speaking, they do these very large-scale brand health tracking studies, and there’s a list of attributes about the brand and people sort of check off what are the attributes that they say yes or no for that particular brand.

And those kind of capture their conscious associations, their conscious thought about those brands. What it doesn’t uncover are some of those implicit negative associations that are lying in the unconscious mind that nobody is really aware of. And then several years later, down the road, the business falls out of bed and, lo and behold, the business leader is sort of surprised, “Oh, my God, what happened here?” And, in the meantime, all those conscious measures that were in the brand health tracker were humming along pretty well, unchanged.

So, what’s really going on is that these negative associations accumulate in the unconscious mind, and you’re unaware of it, the business leaders are unaware of it. And so, it’s really important to constantly monitor your implicit barriers and drivers, not just the conscious barriers and drivers that are easily accessible in these large-scale tracking studies.

Pete Mockaitis
Man, negative associations accumulating in the subconscious mind, whew. There is a phenomenon that I imagine is happening all the time about lots of things in our lives. And then in the context of business, I’m thinking about, I don’t know, like a cable company. It’s like, “Oh, I’m annoyed that I have to give a four-hour window for my installation. Ooh, I’m annoyed that it costs so much. And, ooh, I’m annoyed they don’t have these options.”

And then, lo and behold, ooh, you got some streaming options available, “Oh, this is way better,” and then all those negative associations come to the fore. It’s like, “At last, I am freed. Let’s cut this cable out of our life.”

Leslie Zane
Yeah, you’re really talking about there are whole industries that are sort of beset by negative associations, whether it’s the insurance industry or the cable industry. And what those companies need to do is they need to fight back and really displace those negative associations with positive ones. It’s the only way they can grow.

So, if your brand is not being selected, it means that the growth target, the people you don’t have, the prospective users, have some negative associations that are holding them back. And if you don’t constantly prune your negative associations, they eventually turn into barriers, and the barriers can be really large. At that point, it doesn’t matter how much you spend on marketing or advertising, you’re not going to bring those people over because those barriers are pretty high.

Pete Mockaitis
Could you give us an example of how an individual, a team, a company, a brand goes about pruning negative associations?

Leslie Zane
Well, first, you need to understand what the negative associations are, and the technique for doing that is to uncover their brand connectome. So, what is the brand connectome? This is a key construct in my book. It’s the cumulative memories that get stuck to your brand, that get glued to your brand in the unconscious mind, and this is a physical thing.

So, a brand is known by the associations it keeps. It’s, literally, it has physicality. A brand isn’t this wispy concept. It actually has roots and pathways that are connected to it. And every brand has a connectome, and the biggest brands have really large connectomes, and the smallest brands have very small connectomes. And their job is to grow the connectome in the mind of their growth target, the people they’re trying to get.

Pete Mockaitis
And when you say…oh, sorry.

Leslie Zane
No, you go.

Pete Mockaitis
When you say it’s physical, are you talking about, like, neural pathways inside my brain and spinal cord physical?

Leslie Zane
Yeah, there’s literally physical neural pathways that’s almost like paths in sand get dug in there, and whenever you sort of reach for a particular brand, those pathways kind of light up. And so, when you go to the supermarket, this is how instinct works, and you choose your go-to brands, you’re not really sitting there doing a lot of deciding, saying, “Oh, product A, product B, let me see which one I should buy.” There’s not a lot of that going on.

For the most part, you’re going directly to your go-to brands. You’re grabbing, you’re sticking them in your cart, and you’re walking out. And if you didn’t have the ability to do that, make those snap judgments, then you’d kind of be in the supermarket for like three weeks because there are so many products to choose from. But your brain has this ability to tune out everything that you’re not interested in, and your brand’s connectome, the brand connectome that is the largest in a category, is the one that you are going to reach for.

So, if you’re a loyal Pepsi user, as an example, your Pepsi connectome is going to be very large, it’s going to be very robust, it’s going to have a lot of positive associations. And we can talk more about the framework of how you analyze that in a minute. But the point is that, if you’re reaching for Pepsi, it’s because you have a large positive brand connectome for Pepsi, and your Coke connectome is probably a little smaller and probably has some negative associations because the brain is a relativity machine. So, if you’re up on Pepsi, you’re down on Coke, and if you’re up on Coke, you’re down on Pepsi, and they kind of work against each other.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, that is intriguing. I was just thinking about Coke and its connectome. I guess I’m thinking inside me. I was thinking, “Okay, Coca-Cola,” there’s just like all of the things, like, Santa Claus, and the troops, and America, and Atlanta and southern hospitality. And so, it’s like I got all those things. And then, Pepsi, I got, I don’t know, like Beyonce and Britney Spears, and be young and have fun, Generation Next.

Leslie Zane
There you go.

Pete Mockaitis
And it doesn’t feel rational, but like these emotions and things, it’s like, in me, Coke feels more wholesome, even though it’s like sugar water, which is not really healthy for you, but relative to Pepsi, feels more wholesome. And Pepsi feels more like edgy and risky. But they’re almost the same thing.

Leslie Zane
But they manifest, as you just pointed out and dimensionalized so beautifully, they manifest very differently in people’s minds, and people have an inclination, a bias you could say, for one versus the other. And then, of course, there are people who go back and forth, but for the most part you’re either sort of pro Pepsi or you’re pro Coke.

And I don’t mean to just pick on Coke and Pepsi. We could talk about this for Apple and Samsung, for Nike and Adidas, for the Mets and the Yankees. I mean, this is literally every single category has this kind of dynamic, and these brands are basically vying against each other in people’s minds. And that’s what it is. It’s a battle for the terrain of your brain. And the brand that has the most terrain, the most territory, almost like a game of Monopoly, whoever wins the most real estate in the mind wins.

Because the three most important things, in terms of a framework that might be helpful to your listeners for the brand connectome, for you to have a healthy brand connectome it’s got to have three things. It’s got to be large. It’s got to be positive, lots of positive associations, not negative ones And, third, it needs to be distinctive. Those are the three things that you’re shooting for.

Large, because the more connections a brand has in the brain, the more salient it is, and the more it’s your instinctive go-to-choice, if that makes sense. So that’s critical. Two, positive associations, not negative ones. Negative ones hinder growth, so you want to get rid of those negative associations right away. And then, third, you want distinctiveness. You want to have some clarity and some distinctiveness, but that’s not nearly as important as the other two, the salience and the positivity. All three are important, but salience and relevance, positive association is really critical.

Pete Mockaitis
Also, if we zoom in to the experience of a typical professional, and we each in a way are a brand, a personal/professional brand, how might we apply these principles so that we are positively associated and featured in the brains of our colleagues, of our bosses, those who are deciding if we get raises or promotions or cool project opportunities?

Leslie Zane
I love that question. So, what you’re really talking about is the personal brand, and using your personal brand to make sure you get all those wonderful opportunities. I think of a brand as a seed that you plant in other people’s brains and other people’s minds. And what we want to do is we want to make that seed grow. So, the more positive associations we add to the seed, the more it lays down roots and pathways, and branches out. It turns into a seedling and then a plant. And then little by little, hopefully, a full-grown tree.

So really what we’re talking about is growth. We need to grow our brands in other people’s minds. And the way to do that is by keeping on adding lots and lots of positive associations and making more and more connections to those people’s lives. Not one dimensional, but multi-dimensional. And this is a key difference in our philosophy versus a lot of others, certainly, versus traditional marketing. Traditional marketing would say that every brand should stand for only one thing.

But I just told you, you need a myriad of connections in people’s minds to have a salient large brand connectome. So, it’s actually the opposite of what we’ve been taught, “Oh, Volvo should stand for safety.” No, Volvo should stand for safety, and advanced technology, and looking good, and having great styles, and great color.” Like, it needs all of those things, not just one thing. Because if your brand only stands for one thing, then it’s going to be basically invisible in people’s minds. It’s going to have a very tiny connectome.

So, in terms of your personal brand, you want to make as many connections as possible in people’s minds and just keep adding those positive associations, almost like nurturing it, nurturing your brand as if the associations are the soil, the water, and the sun that you would feed a plant.

Pete Mockaitis
All right, Leslie, so let’s say folks hear that and say, “Yes, I am so in. I am going to turbocharge my seed trajectory amongst my colleagues, boss, and stakeholders, collaborators at work.” What are some actions, behaviors, things that they might do so that we’ve got lots of very positive associations to us?

Leslie Zane
So, one of the first stories in my book, The Power of Instinct, is a story about a woman named Anna who’s trying to sell one of her ideas at a company. She’s trying to get them to use the marketing campaign that she wants them to use, and she’s having a lot of resistance, and the president of the company tells her that this is something that they’ve tried before and it didn’t work.

And so, she basically goes on a marketing campaign for her idea, and she goes to sales, and she goes to R&D, and she goes to the head of HR, and she starts to build, basically, build a marketing campaign around her idea by seeding positive associations with each one of those different audiences so that by the time they get into the big meeting everybody’s already positively predisposed.

Because the more, this is about early and often, the more times you seed your idea, and the more positive associations people receive about it, the more they’re going to buy in. And, little by little, your idea, that seed, is going to grow. And so, the same thing would be true, whether it’s your idea that you’re selling or if you’re talking about your personal brand itself.

Pete Mockaitis
So, when Anna’s doing this going around seeding positive associations, what does that mean in practice?

Leslie Zane
It means that she’s having conversations where she’s talking to the person about her idea, and she’s finding some shared common values that they can agree on. So, if she’s talking to sales, maybe she’ll be talking about the value of this idea to the selling process. If she’s talking to HR, she’ll be talking about the value of the idea for internally with employees and why this is going to be good for retention.

It really doesn’t matter what the specific case is, but basically what you want to do is you want to latch on to things that are already in your audience’s mind, and you want to leverage those and hook what you’re selling to that. This is all about leveraging the familiar and creating shared values between you and your audience, between you and your target, so that rather than selling against the conscious mind, which I told you is unpersuadable and only makes 5% of decisions, that is basically going up a brick wall.

If I tried to persuade you of something, you’re going to say, “I don’t think so. Thank you very much. I know what I’m doing. I know best.” You’re set in your ways. You’re stubborn. That’s just how the conscious mind works, and it’s true for everybody. So instead, what we want to do is we kind of want to go through this back door of the instinctive mind, which is much more malleable, it turns out, and I want to latch on to things that already exist in this target’s minds, and hook my messages and what I’m trying to sell to those things that already exist. That’s the path of least resistance, whereas, the conscious mind is the path of greatest resistance.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Leslie, I’d love it if you could zoom way in on a case study. So, someone has taken the appealing to the instinctive mind approach for their persuasion campaign, can you lay out a case, in particular, of this person had this idea, and they were trying to win over person A, person B, person C who had these different values or connected pieces, and here’s how the magic unfolded up close and personal?

Leslie Zane
Well, I will tell you a story that happened early in my career, which I do think demonstrates the unconscious approach to winning over an audience. And remember that at the time, I was very young and I didn’t know how to do this yet, but I’m going to show you how it ultimately worked. So, I was working on the Johnson’s Baby business, this was many moons ago, and the business was not doing all that well.

And so, I had noticed that dads were getting more involved in caregiving, but we were still showing just moms and babies in the traditional Madonna and Child pose in all of our advertising. And I also noticed that when dads walked down the street pushing a baby carriage, mom’s heads would turn. That’s what they paid attention to. Not so much a mother walking down the street, but a dad walking down the street pushing a baby carriage.

So, I marched myself into my boss’s office, and I said, “I know what we need to do to turn around this business. We need to put the first father in a Johnson’s Baby shampoo commercial.” And he said, “Leslie, you’re crazy. It’s moms that buy these brands, these products, not dads, and there’s no research to support anything that you’re saying.”

But I kept on advocating because I felt in my bones that I was right. And that year, I got my performance review, and it said, “Leslie is too passionate about putting fathers in advertising, and this is an executional concern, not a strategic one.” Now, Pete, you know I used to work at Bain & Company like you did, and I had been told that strategy was my superpower. So, this was like devastating to me, but because I’m a crazy person, you don’t know me very well yet, but I don’t take no for an answer.

I kept on advocating in spite of this, and I think at a certain point, they just gave in because they were exhausted, and they put the first father in a Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercial, and the business took off. It was the highest-scoring commercial in the company’s history. What I had found was a trigger. I had found my first trigger, a cognitive shortcut. Father and baby was a creative twist, a distinctive twist on mother and baby, that brought all these new positive associations to the brand that it didn’t have before.

Progressive brand, giving mom a break, and a father tenderly taking care, the strength of the dad, tenderly taking care of a newborn was this phenomenal visual contrast that you didn’t get with mother and baby. There were just all these positive associations that just took Johnson’s Baby to a different level. And it worked at the subconscious level that wasn’t captured in any of their research because it was something that was operating at an implicit level.

And so, that is a really good example of something you can use, whether it’s for a brand or a business that you’re on in your in your work, or you could also look for triggers like that to sell your ideas. But that’s what it’s all about, verbal triggers, visual triggers, finding those cognitive shortcuts that already exist in people’s minds, and sort of co-opting them and linking your business, your brand to that thing. That make sense?

Pete Mockaitis
It does, and I love it. And what’s flashing into my mind, look, I guess that’s my connectome, right? The associations here is I’m thinking of the movie, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles,” and we’ll link it in the show notes, this clip, when I think they’re stuck in an airport, and they need to get some cash? Have you seen this?

And John Candy, he’s a sales guy, that’s what he does, and so he has a bunch of shower curtain rings. And so, he goes from group to group to group, just saying exactly what they want to hear. So, there’s a bunch of teenage girls, and he put the shower curtain rings on their ears like earrings. He said, “Wow, boy, these really make you look older. Boy, you can really pass for 20 or 21 even.” And so, they just hand out their money, because he’s connecting to something, like, “Yes, I am trying to get into, I don’t know, dance clubs I shouldn’t be going to at my age, but I can’t get into.”

And we’re just sort of connecting to the desire. They had no desire for shower curtain rings before, but now, by golly, you have linked that to something that they want, that they want deeply. So, well, now, Leslie, I’m thinking, well, the hard part is figuring out, well, what is it that people want deeply and that we can trigger to get this effect going for us?

Leslie Zane
Yeah, and that takes research, and I can’t give you the magic bullet to that. I can only just give you examples from different categories of what are great triggers, and then I think that could kind of get the ball rolling. So, for example in the bottled water category, the snow-capped mountain is a growth trigger. It’s an amazing succinct device that has all of these positive associations associated with it.

So, you just look at a snow-capped mountain, and if you’re in the bottled water category, you know that stands for pure, pristine, water from the glaciers, fresh, natural, cold, clean, all these positive associations. So, you take that little snow-capped mountain and you put it on your bottle and, now, suddenly, the bottled water inherits all of those positive associations. And you don’t have to save them because they are already built into our brains over time from our learning, from our education, society, culture has done all that for us.

And so, that’s really the beauty of triggers. This is a way to leverage what already exists in the mind because human beings are hardwired to connect with the familiar, with the things that we already know, and you latch on to these things, and it enables your message to go down into people’s memory structure much faster, much more easily, without confronting that conscious mind that’s resistant to change.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, and what’s kind of wild is that snow-capped mountains have good associations like clean, pristine nature, whatever. When in fact, bottled water can be kind of problematic for the environment, and it’s sort of like, “Oh, I feel like this is wholesome and pure.” It’s like, “Well, you know, there’s many things you could point to that says this is destructive and evil from some business practices or value systems that you evaluate it.” But none of that is consciously happening, it’s like, “Ooh, that looks pure and wholesome. I like that.”

And I’m also thinking about carpets. Carpets always got to have a baby on them. There’s always a baby on the carpet because it must be soft and pure and wholesome and homey and cozy if this little baby is on that carpet, right, because this baby wouldn’t be on a toxic, harsh, troubling surface, would it? And so, in a way, well, Leslie, it feels like there’s a way of real responsibility to behave ethically with this powerful force that we’re playing with here.

Leslie Zane
I mean, that’s definitely true, and it goes really way beyond these cognitive shortcuts and these triggers. There’s really a whole philosophy that I talk about in the book. The fact is marketing is really doing it all wrong today. Traditional marketing has it upside down because when you think about it, the rules of marketing were created like 50-60 years ago when we thought the conscious mind made decisions, but that’s not the case.

The real case is that our instinct of mind is making most of our decisions, so we really need a whole new rulebook for how to go about changing people’s minds, changing their behavior, getting them to buy our brand, getting them to hire us, enabling us to get into the college we want, whatever it is that you’re trying to achieve. My book kind of lays out the rules, the new rules of marketing that displace the old rules.

So, here’s another example. The old rule of marketing would be that your core customer is most important and you should spend all of your time on your core customer. Well, the fact is the core customer is really a trap. Your core customer is never going to tell you what you really need to know about your negative associations because they’re happy with you as you are.

They’re not going to help you evolve. It’s going to really be hard to get more sales out of them because how many bottles of shampoo can one person use? You can only get so much out of your core existing customers. And so, if you want to grow, the most important thing you can do, the best thing you can do is to reach out to the people you don’t have.

So, your growth target, the prospective customer, is really far more important to increasing growth at an exponential rate than your core customer. It doesn’t mean that we ignore our core customer. Of course, we take excellent care of them. But where we want to prioritize our resources is really the growth target because, otherwise, you have a leaky bucket. There’s always some people who are leaving you.

And so, if you’re not constantly replenishing your existing customer franchise, you will have a leaky bucket. So, that’s just one more example of how those traditional marketing rules kind of get it wrong. And the new rules are really critical for getting the growth that you want according to how instinct really works.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that’s really good. And I’m thinking about all sorts of elements of persuasion, whether you’re doing a presentation, or you’ve got a landing page and you’ve got your headline, your copy, and you’ve got your images. Tell me if this feels right to you, Leslie. It’s like the focus of this message should be less upon “This is the superior option for these six key reasons,” and more of just like getting the trigger that makes you go, “Yes!” like that moves my heart and soul. Like a snow-capped mountain, like a baby on a carpet.

And that is the hard part in terms of like, “What does it for you?” For someone, it might be flyfishing, it’s like, “Oh, the freedom, the escape, the peace, the adventure.” And for someone else, that totally doesn’t do anything. And so, to really understand what gets people going, any pro tips on how we do our research to elicit that?

Leslie Zane
Well, first of all, I want to validate what you’re saying because what you’re basically saying is that if we use very overt messages, like, “Here are the six reasons why you should listen to my podcast,” that is not going to work very well. But if you connect with your audience on shared values, on shared images, on fantasy, and we can talk about that, then you’re going to have this collaborative approach.

So, I think of that overt approach as sort of confrontational. You’re basically telling me what to do, and most humans don’t like to be told what to do, but this is about being collaborative and basically knitting your message, knitting your brand into the brains, almost like a symbiosis between the brains of your perspective users, because we’re talking about growing audiences, and growing your following, and growing your brand.

So, that’s really what we’re talking about, is being collaborative with them, and finding out things that they care about. But that doesn’t mean you want to lose your identity, and only show them things that they care about. You want to find the things where you have commonality while still keeping your own identity.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is they think, when I start talking about this, they think that I mean that they should be emotional in their messaging, and that actually doesn’t work at all, because emotion goes in one ear and out the other. And I also can’t tell people how to feel. That’s another example of being overt. So, what we really want to do is create distinctive brand assets, because distinctive brand assets and distinctive brand triggers, those are the things that are sticky that last in people’s memories, and that would be things like verbal triggers as well as image triggers.

So, we’ve already talked about image triggers like a snow-capped mountain, or like the dad with the baby, that’s an example of an image trigger. An example of a verbal trigger would be “Just do it” or “Do the Dew” from Mountain Dew. These are verbal triggers that get lodged in people’s minds and memories and are very, very sticky. They remain.

Pete Mockaitis
And it’s so funny, like, when I drink Red Bull, I think about all the marketing, or “Do the Dew, or “Red Bull gives you wings.” And so, sometimes I even say to myself, I’m just joking, “I’m going to slam a Red Bull because I’m so extreme,” and I’m just kind of being silly. But, in a way, there is something there in terms of, “Yeah, I’m about to get some pretty serious about the thing I’m about to do, and I would like to be caffeinated as I do so.”

And it’s funny, so we both have roots at Bain. I remember there was a bit of copy in the recruiting literature. They kept using it for years and years, and it might still be there, I haven’t checked. And it resonated with me, and I think that’s why they kept it around so much, and they said, they’re sort of like, “Hey, what’s it like to work at Bain?” or, “What are Bainies like?” And they’d said, “We laugh a lot.”

And I thought that was perfect, because, one, I like to laugh a lot, and who doesn’t, right, really? But I thought it was fantastic because it was distinctive. I didn’t see that in the other information sessions with companies that were recruiting on campus, and it was something that I wanted for my experience of work and colleagues, and I found it to be generally true, like, “Yeah, sure enough, we did. We did laugh a lot.”

In our collective analytical dork-dom, was able to find humor, shared humor and some stuff in a way that I don’t, still to this day, don’t find with many people. It was kind of special. We did laugh a lot. And so, that was money. That was magic. And they stuck with it for a long time, and again, it seems like you got to do the research to surface those things. Like, “What’s distinctive and resonant for folks?” And ChatGPT isn’t going to spit it out for you.

Leslie Zane
Yeah, no, I think that’s exactly right. And, really, where you want to do your research is with your growth target. So, most people would think you’re going to find it by talking to your existing customers. You’ll find what turns your existing customers on, but that’s not going to help you know how to win the new people over. So, you really have to find out what are the barriers, the implicit barriers in your growth targets’ minds.

I promise you that’s the key to growth because if you can take down those barriers with positive associations that overcome those barriers, you can get those people to come over. That is the freeing enlightenment that is out there to be understood. In fact, I would argue, you should not create a strategy for your company without knowing the implicit barriers of your growth target. And I tell you how to do this in my book. Each chapter is basically another rule or principle for how to go about this.

But another example is fantasy over reality. We’re told in marketing that you should show reality to your customers. That’s what they want to see. And if you ask consumers, they will tell you every single time, “I want to see reality.” But I told you, don’t listen to what people say, because what people say and what they do are two completely different things, because all of our research shows that people connect and go to fantasy every single time. Even that Red Bull example that you just used. The guy kind of going up in the air with the wings. That’s fantasy. And that’s what we want. We want fantasy. We want to fulfill our dreams.

Pete Mockaitis
So, just to make it all the more real, Leslie. Let’s just say I own a podcast production company, and I do. And let’s just say our core customer is wealth managers, and they are, but I’m seeing some opportunity with the growth zone amongst psychologists or mental health professionals, and I do. So, what might be an example of an implicit barrier of someone who has a psychology practice who’s thinking, “Oh, maybe we should launch a podcast for marketing, but I don’t know,” of like what an implicit barrier might be and how that might be addressed?

Leslie Zane
For them to create their own podcast or to come listen to yours?

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, so the idea is like we sell a podcast launch service and they would launch a podcast as a means of promoting their practice.

Leslie Zane
I mean, I don’t know what their negative associations are. We need to go out and discover that. But we could guess, I wouldn’t rely on that, but we could guess that maybe they think this is too business-oriented, or that they wouldn’t have the expertise to do it, or that it would take up too much of their time, or they wouldn’t be able to get good guests, or any number of those things.

They may also have a certain image of what a podcast host is like, and maybe they feel disconnected with that image. Maybe they think it’s a certain type of person that’s a narrow persona, and they think of themselves as more mainstream. I don’t know. It could be any one of those things, or none, or something completely different.

But that is the discovery process, and it’s actually really exciting. Because once you understand what the negative associations are that are holding back the people you’re trying to get, you’re empowered. You actually know what you need to do from a business standpoint. Instead, you’re just throwing spaghetti against the wall guessing at your business strategy.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, that’s cool. And then the implicit side of this is not so much like, “Hey, you could be a podcaster, too.” “You know what? I don’t care.” Like someone’s like, “You know what? I don’t care for Joe Rogan. That’s who I hear when I think of podcasts. I think of podcasts, I think of Joe Rogan. I don’t care for Joe Rogan.” And it’s like, “Oh, well, if we showed imagery of a 24-year-old tattooed woman, you’re like, ‘Oh, well, that’s not Joe Rogan. That’s more like me. Huh, what’s this about?’” You certainly got some curiosity going there.

Leslie Zane
Yeah, or even somebody, like, I know I’m making this up, but let’s say, I don’t think this is true, but Reese Witherspoon, who has this big company now, and she’s got a production company, and she’s got a million different things going on. We learned, for example, that she started out as a podcast host, right? So, like finding aspirational people and/or celebrities who actually started as podcast hosts and were able to build their business into a mega brand. That would be another way. People want fantasy and they want that aspiration, and they want all the possibilities, and they should have them.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, now, you’re talking about fantasy, this is making me think of, like, in the fitness communities. Like, folks will say, “Oh, this is a hardcore workout that equipped so-and-so to pass Special Forces or SEAL training or selection, or that this celebrity used to get jacked for his superhero role in a movie.” It’s like, “Oh, yeah, I want to get jacked like Chris Pratt or Wolverine or whomever.” And so, it is speaking to fantasy, and it’s powerful, even though it’s like, “I’m not going to be in a movie, but I think I should work out like that guy, because, wow, I could be so pumped and buff like him.”

Leslie Zane
That’s exactly right. We want to buy the dream, we want the aspiration, and those celebrities. And, obviously, you don’t only have to do this via celebrity because that’s very expensive. But the idea is to tap into people’s aspirations and what they want to be and where they want to see themselves a few years from now.

Pete Mockaitis
And it could totally be mundane. It’s like the manager dreams of a day in which he doesn’t have to fiddle with seven different software tools to get a simple thing done. And so, then we sort of just see what’s something that is simple and elegant and reliably just works in this person’s life and whatever, it’s a hammer, it’s a saw, it’s a favorite pencil or pen. And then we just sort of see how we can kind of get things linked up from the idea I have, “Hey, let’s use a single software platform to this simple tool that reliably works and delights you with that.”

Leslie Zane
A hundred percent. Sounds good to me.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Well, you got my wheels turning in so many ways. Leslie, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Leslie Zane
I would just say that I have another sort of construct that I find useful in terms of growing brands and growing, whether it’s your personal brand, your business, your idea, whatever it is you’re selling. By the way, we’re all marketers. I talk about marketing a lot, but everybody’s a marketer. Everybody’s selling something, even if it’s trying to get, sell your kids on doing their homework, you’re still selling something.

And that formula is keep, stop, add. Keep the positive associations you already have in people’s minds. Hold on to those and keep reinforcing those so that they’re not forgotten, because it’s like learning. The more you reinforce it, like studying, the more it stays sticky in people’s minds, and the more it’s remembered.

Stop the negative associations that you may be sending out inadvertently, that you may not even know you’re communicating, but they’ve collected in people’s minds because people connect the dots in their minds in ways that are very often competitively disadvantaged for you, but you want to understand what it is that those connections that they’re making that could be hurting you, and you want to replace those negative associations with positive ones.

And then the add, is add new positive triggers that are packed with so many positive associations that they sort of explode your brand connectome overnight, and increase the salience because salience means it’s the instinctive go-to-choice, and the moment that your brand is more salient than the next guy, it has a larger brand connectome, that’s the moment that people come over to you, or you get promoted, or your business grows double digits, etc.

So, keep, stop, add. It’s a very useful formula. The reason it’s useful is because some people, when they try to change their brand, they change too much and they forget the keep. So, this is about evolution, not revolution. You don’t want to lose your identity to the people that you already have. Keep, stop, add.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Thank you. Well, now could you share with us a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Leslie Zane
Well, one of my favorite quotes, because it happens to fit with how I think personally as well as professionally, is, “When you stop growing, you start dying,” which is a quote from William Burroughs. I like that quote because I think all of us should always be learning and educating ourselves to grow. And I think it’s true, when you stop growing, you start dying.

But it also happens to also be true brands and the brand connectome that if you’re not constantly evolving and adding new positive associations to your connectome, little by little it atrophies. And so, it turns out that growth is what it’s all about. It’s important for us and it’s important for our brands in order to thrive.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Leslie Zane
So, my favorite research is the research that we do every day here at Triggers. We have so much of it. We’re literally doing research every day, and what we consistently find is that the growth target has a very different connectome than the core customer. The core customer has a myriad of connections, and the growth target is missing positive associations and has some negative associations. And it’s the contrast between the core and the growth target that you really want to examine.

So, it’s very useful to understand that the mind maps of those two targets are very different, and your job is to add positive associations to your growth target and to take down those negative associations so you can turn a growth target into a core customer.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite book?

Leslie Zane
My favorite fiction book right now is The Measure by Nikki Ehrlich. I highly recommend it. It’s phenomenal. In the book, everybody receives one day, a little box on their porch that has a thread in it, and the thread is a measure of how long your life is going to last. And each person decides whether they’re going to look in the box or not look in the box.

But from that premise, a whole bunch of things happen. It’s a phenomenal premise. She wrote it during the pandemic. Nikki, she’s a very young author in her early 20s, and it’s a bestseller. It’s being turned into a movie. It’s super exciting, and I would highly recommend it.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And favorite tool?

Leslie Zane
My favorite tool. I didn’t see that on your list. I’m going to ask you to… I don’t know what you mean by that.

Pete Mockaitis
Oh, sure. That’s just something you use that helps you be awesome at your job. Sometimes people will point to an app or a platform or a thought framework.

Leslie Zane
My favorite tool is the brand connectome because it really helps you understand how the world works. Everybody has a brand connectome, everybody is a brand, whether it’s the candidates running for office right now for president of the United States, or the brand or business that you’re working on. If you understand the brand connectome, you kind of understand how to navigate the world and make success in it.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite habit?

Leslie Zane
My favorite habit is boxing. I do it four times a week. It helps me get all my stress out, and I love the metaphor of kind of overcoming challenges. And I think boxing kind of fits with my personality. I really love it. And it’s also a great way to get tremendous exercise without ruining your knees.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks that they quote back to you often?

Leslie Zane
I’ve got three of those. These are some things that that I say in the book and that also people have quoted. First, “A brand is known by the associations it keeps.” That’s a really helpful way to think about a brand is. “You don’t make your choices. Your brand connectome does.” And, “You can’t persuade anybody of anything, but you can leverage their instincts.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Leslie Zane
ThePowerOfInstinctBook.com is where they can see the various tiers of offers in terms of my book and get discounts, etc. So ThePowerOfInstinctBook.com. And you can also link with me on LinkedIn, Leslie Zane. I love meeting new people and I’m very responsive.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Leslie Zane
I would just say stop trying to persuade people to do what you want and instead grow your brand, your business, your idea, your personal brand by harnessing instincts, because if you do that, you can work with the brain instead of against it, and achieve anything you want.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Leslie, thank you. This is fun. I wish you all the best.

Leslie Zane
Thanks so much, Pete. Thanks for having me. This is a great conversation.

972: Amy Edmondson on How to Fail Well

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Amy Edmondson shares how to minimize unproductive failures and maximize intelligent ones.

You’ll Learn

  1. What separates good failure from bad failure 
  2. The surprisingly simple tool that prevents many failures 
  3. How to stay motivated in the face of failure 

About Amy

Amy C. Edmondson is the Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management at the Harvard Business School. Her work explores teaming – the dynamic forms of collaboration needed in environments characterized by uncertainty and ambiguity. She has also studied the role of psychological safety in teamwork and innovation. Before her academic career, she was Director of Research at Pecos River Learning Centers, where she worked with founder and CEO Larry Wilson to design change programs in large companies. In the early 1980s, she worked as Chief Engineer for architect/inventor Buckminster Fuller, and innovation in the built environment remains an area of enduring interest and passion.

Resources Mentioned

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Amy Edmondson Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis
Amy, welcome back.

Amy Edmondson
Great to be back.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, I am super excited to hear your wisdom and talk about failing well. And I’d like it if you could kick us off with one of your favorite failures, personally or professionally?

Amy Edmondson
My favorite failure has to be the time, as a second year PhD student, I had a hypothesis that better teams would have lower medication error rates. I finally got the data after six months of data collection, put it all together, ran the numbers, and, alas, I had failed. My hypothesis was not only not supported, it was 180 degrees wrong.

In other words, the data suggested that better teams measured by a validated team survey instrument had higher error rates, not lower. So, that was just, you know, my dreams of publishing a paper evaporated in a moment as I looked at the screen, and I felt quite despondent about it. So, that was a failure, right? There was no question about it. But of course, it’s a favorite because, ultimately, it pointed me in the direction of a success.

Pete Mockaitis
Well, tell us about how that unfolded.

Amy Edmondson
Well as I tried to figure out what this might mean, “What does it mean when a valid team survey assessment data suggests that these are really better teams, they’re better led, they’re more engaged, they have higher quality relationships? What does it mean when those kinds of teams appear to have higher error rates than their counterparts?”

And it suddenly occurred to me, and what I later thought of as a blinding flash of the obvious, that maybe the better teams aren’t making more mistakes. Maybe they’re more willing to report them, maybe they’re less likely to cover them up, to keep them secret, to shove them under the rug. And the more I thought about that, the more possible, even likely, that became. And, of course, it’s hard to talk about mistakes at work. It’s hard to admit you’ve done something wrong. It’s hard to ask for help when you don’t know quite what to do.

And because of that, what I increasingly started talking about, interpersonally risky nature of those behaviors, it would, in fact, be, at least, it could explain the unexpected findings. It could be an alternative explanation, that the dependent variable, the error rates, was actually a faulty measure. It was a measure that was subject to reporting bias. And just having that insight, of course, wasn’t enough to prove it or to do anything else with it, but it led me down a path of trying to understand whether teams, in fact, have different interpersonal climates, especially around something fraught like error.

And if so, would that affect their learning behaviors? And if so, would that affect their performance? And so, that led me down a road of doing a very different kind of research, which was to sort of explore those possibilities. Later, I called that interpersonal climate, with the input of a peer reviewer on a paper, psychological safety. And so, that was sort of the birthplace of a, then, thriving research program on team psychological safety, which turns out to be a very powerful predictor of team performance in a variety of industry contexts.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s right. Psychological safety is huge, and you are the queen of it, and thank you for sharing those insights with us in our last conversation. So, yeah, now let’s dig into some of the goodies you shared in your latest book, Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well. Any particularly striking, surprising, counterintuitive discoveries that you made along the way and put forward in this book?

Amy Edmondson
Yes, you know, the failure I just described was what I do call in the book an intelligent failure, and it’s intelligent because, and in research there’s many intelligent failures if you’re doing it right, which is that you are pursuing a goal of developing new knowledge. It’s in new territory. We don’t yet know what will happen. You’ve got a hypothesis, like you’ve done your homework to find out what we know, what we don’t know, and you have a good idea about what might work, and the failure is no bigger than it has to be.

You don’t spend your whole research budget on one experiment. You sort of do it thoughtfully so that you can learn in a reasonably efficient way. And so, science is full of intelligent failures, of course. But I think the surprising thing that I learned through all of this research is that, as human beings, we respond similarly to intelligent failures as to what I’ll call basic and complex failures, the preventable kind, meaning our emotional reactions are similarly negative and unhelpful.

As I started telling my story of my research failure as a second-year graduate student, the emotions I felt were downright catastrophic. I was starting to envision I’ll have to drop out of graduate school, I’m no good at this, I failed, you know, crazy stuff, which is just factually wrong-headed, but that’s where your brain goes. A failure is always disappointing, and when you have one, you can easily, or at least I can, spiral into unhelpful, unhealthy thinking.

And so, I think an opening surprise or insight is that, even though some failures logically are wonderfully helpful in making progress in new territory, we are vulnerable to having an emotional reaction to them that, then, precludes us from learning what we need to learn from them.

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah, that is huge, and I want to dig into that in some real detail. But first, could you maybe make the grand case associated with failure being okay, or the main thesis, or the takeaway from Right Kind of Wrong?

Amy Edmondson
Yeah, so it’s not actually as simple as “Failure is okay.” It is as simple as intelligent failure is not only okay, it’s praiseworthy. If you are willing to take risks, and we all must be in order to make progress in our lives and in our jobs, if you’re willing to take risks in new territory, you will face some failures along the way, otherwise, they weren’t risks. If everything you try just goes perfectly, you’re probably not stretching very much, and that’s not a way to be awesome at your job.

So, those are the kinds, you know, the intelligent failures in new territory are indeed the kinds we’ve got to sort of develop the muscles to welcome them, and be not only not despondent about them but actually genuinely delighted by the opportunity to learn and sometimes pivot. But it is equally a book about pulling together what we know about the best practices for preventing preventable failures. One kind of failure I identify is a basic failure, which has a single cause, usually human error, or deviation from the process or protocol or recipe, and those are theoretically and practically preventable.

And so, for instance, in a new job, if you are looking around and you’re not quite sure what to do, and you don’t feel comfortable asking someone, and then you do it wrong and it leads to a failure, that’s a basic failure, and those we aren’t so excited about. It’s a book about failure but it’s really a book about success because the idea is, “Let’s do everything we can to execute well in known territory and to explore well in new territory.”

Pete Mockaitis
Well said. Well said. Well, let’s continue this typology or categorization here. We’ve got basic failure, a deviation from the recipe. My wife and I, we joke about this all the time. She’s like, whenever I cook something, and she said, “Wow, that was great. What’d you do?” And I said, “I did exactly what the recipe told me to do, because I have learned from many, many basic failures, that whenever I think I know better, or this is no big deal, how about I do this little twist, it almost always ends poorly,” unless sure enough, I’ve done the recipe many times, and I thought “Okay, I know how this works. I’m going to put a little extra of this in there because I know that I like this.” And it usually works out okay in those circumstances, so I like the word recipe in there.

Amy Edmondson
ecome an expert in it, and then you’re in a good position to experiment.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. So, we’ve got our basic failures. And then what else?

Amy Edmondson
Complex failures. So, complex failures are quite simply the perfect storms that bother us and show up in our lives and our organizations. They are the failures that are caused by a handful of factors coming together in just the wrong way, any one of which on its own would not lead to a failure, but the fact of their coming together. Let’s say you accidentally set your alarm clock for p.m. rather than a.m. I’ve done that.

So, maybe you wake up a little late but you still can get to that important meeting on time, but not if you also hadn’t realized your gas tank was hovering on empty and there was a tractor-trailer accident on the highway, five little things happen, none of which on their own would have led you to be late for this important meeting, but they all came together to lead to this complex failure.

Our lives are complex, our world is complex, so complex failures are kind of on the rise, which is depressing. But I think the silver lining of complex failures is that all you really have to do is catch and correct one of the things. Now, some of them are external. There was nothing you could have done about the tractor-trailer, except if it was a really important meeting, you leave a lot of buffers in there. So, then you would have taken extra care to have set the alarm accurately.

But the beauty of them, I mean, the bad news about them is that they’re sort of everywhere and they can just happen when we’re not really at our very best. The good news is, when we’re vigilant, we can catch and correct, and if you sort of catch and correct any one of the factors, you usually can dodge the failure.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And talking about the emotional piece, those are the situations, when you can feel it progressively melting down, that just drive you bonkers.

Amy Edmondson
Yeah, likewise, you sort of see it in slow motion heading your way, and maybe it’s too late to change it, but maybe there’s still time, or at least you can put in a plan B. You can make that phone call and explain and maybe reschedule.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And we have additional categories?

Amy Edmondson
Nope, just the three: intelligent, basic, and complex. And there’s a bright red line drawn between intelligent and the other two because the intelligent ones are the ones that we need to have more of, we need to welcome, we need to just force ourselves to like them. And the other two, we need to kind of sit up straight, pay attention, and try to prevent as many as possible.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. Well, I was going to ask, sit up straight, pay attention, that doesn’t sound hard.

Amy Edmondson
No. That doesn’t sound…yeah, that’s not complete, is it?

Pete Mockaitis
Yeah. Are there some basic protocols, or checklists, or things you recommend to help us prevent those?

Amy Edmondson
Yeah, absolutely. And as I start talking about these things, the worry I always feel is they sound so basic, they sound so simple, and they are. And, unfortunately, they need to be used with intent. So, a checklist, for example, it’s a brilliant tool. It helps us remember to do some of the right things, when maybe it’s just a little complicated, and it would be easy to miss something, turning the anti-icing on, for example, taking off on a wintry storm day, and so we have these structures and tools to help us do the right thing.

But if you have those tools and structures in your life, or in your organization, but you’re using them, roughly speaking, in your sleep, just not really paying attention, not using them with intent, then they don’t help at all, right? If you’re sort of going through the motions of using a checklist but you’re really not paying attention, and you have just a habit of check, check, check, check, check, without your brain in the game, they won’t work. So, no tool is good enough on its own to overcome kind of the vagaries of human nature and lack of discipline.

Pete Mockaitis
And when you talk about good enough, I’m thinking about some people think that they are too good for the checklist.

Amy Edmondson
But that’s another point, isn’t it?

Pete Mockaitis
A Checklist Manifesto, or something, talk about surgeons or whatever, who were reluctant to lower themselves to simply be in checklists.

Amy Edmondson
Right, and that’s because they had the wrong mental model. So, even the wonderful Atul Gawande, who wrote the book, The Checklist Manifesto, I remember hearing him interviewed on NPR, and it was so brilliant because he was asked by the interviewer, “You’re a Harvard surgeon, and so on, a beautiful writer, do you use a checklist yourself in the operating room?”

And he said, “Well, in writing this book, I knew I’d be asked that question, so, of course I had to force myself to use them, even though,” he claimed honestly, “I didn’t think I needed it, right? That’s sort of for mere mortals, but not for me.” I mean, he didn’t say it that way, but it’s exactly, as your question, put it. And so, he said, “And I discovered something.”

He says, “Never does a week go by that that checklist, that I forced myself to use because people like you would be asking me this question, never does a week go by where that thing doesn’t save my process in some way. So, in other words, it turns out I am mortal. I am vulnerable to making mistakes and this very simple, simple tool, this checklist, has saved me on numerous occasions.”

Pete Mockaitis
And I’m curious, as we think about professionals and basic failures, what are some basic failures you see over and over and over again that might be well-suited to a checklist or some sort of a tool along those lines?

Amy Edmondson
If we all think about our experiences as customers, or as patients, just on ordinary annual checkups or something, trying to get the schedule, or trying to, you know, there’s so many organizations that don’t work as well as they should, that you can look around and say, “This could be better with just a tiny bit of scaffolding to allow the recurring, repeating activities to be a bit more programmatic, a bit more supported.” And I know that’s very abstract, right?

Pete Mockaitis
But no, I think that’s a huge tool right there in terms of, you know, it’s funny when we instituted this, when I’m making courses, I have someone, his name is Ian – shoutout to Ian – and we’ve given him the title of Neutral Ambassador of Learning. And the idea is that Ian had nothing to do with producing any of the materials anywhere around the chain, but his role is to step into what we’ve created, and be that first observer, that first voice, and tell us, “All right Ian, what’s wrong? What chapter title was off, wrong? Which bits of the content seemed incomplete or confusing?”

And it’s fantastic! He surfaces all sorts of things, like, “Oh, we were so close that we didn’t even notice.” But with every customer experience kind of a situation, you’d think it’s like, “You know, if you actually tried to fill out this form yourself once, that you’re making us fill out thousands of times, you’d realize that I need more than an inch and a half to write an address. You’d know it on your form.”

Or, that, “Maybe there might be a means by which you can take my name and birth date from one medical form and auto-populate that into the nine other medical forms I have to go through, to have this doctor’s appointment.”

Amy Edmondson
Because if you can do that, you are reducing the likelihood of error, of just simple human error… You probably won’t screw up your birth date. Although sometimes, on my birthday, I screw up my birthday every year because I just automatically write, once I’ve started with my birthday, the year follows naturally.

And so, there I am writing a year from many, many decades ago in the form, when it’s like, “Oh.” It’s just a simple brain malfunction. Right, you write the actual birth date, but yes. So, now I’m thinking, “What are the failures that could’ve been avoided with a simple checklist or making the thing a bit more programmatic?” For instance, in the world of podcasts, I have been on at least one where there was a failure to press record. It’s not catastrophic, nobody dies, but, boy, it can feel almost catastrophic.

Pete Mockaitis
That happened to me once. I felt so embarrassed.

Amy Edmondson
So bad, where you’ve spent all this wonderful time and energy, and then, “Oops. Oops.” It was great for us but the rest of the world would not hear this one, and doing it a second time is just not…but that is one of those errors, by the way, that you learn from and rarely do it a second time. But it is certainly possible to never do it the first time also.

Pete Mockaitis
And I love it, in the software now, we’re on Riverside, and I believe it does this too, it’ll now tell you. If we’re chit-chatting for too long without record, a notification will come up, “Notice, you’re not actually recording now.” So, that’s cool though.

Amy Edmondson
Which is good! Which is good, right? It’s sort of a little check. It’s a check that’s built into the system.

Pete Mockaitis
I dig it. Okay. So, then let’s talk about these intelligent failures. You say there are a few criteria that we need to check in order to say that something is an intelligent failure before we could just give ourselves credit, and say, “Oh, that was an intelligent failure. It’s okay.”

Amy Edmondson
Yes. So, first and foremost, it’s in pursuit of a goal. I’m not against just messing about, playing with resources, but that’s another category of activity. That’s play. But if something is an intelligent failure, it is the case that you are pursuing a goal, whether that is a better recipe, or a life partner, or an innovation in your job at work, but it’s something that you’re hoping to accomplish and improve, and it’s arguably in new territory.

It’s not possible to just get the answer for what will happen off the internet. There’s no way to get the new knowledge you are trying to get to make this progress without trying it, without the experiment, and you have a hypothesis where you’ve done enough thinking and homework to have a good sense that this might work, “I know it’s not a slam dunk, but it might work.”

And then, finally, fourth criterion is the failure, if it happens, is no bigger than necessary. It’s just as big as it has to be to give us the new knowledge that we need. And I always say there’s sort of a bonus fifth criterion, which is you take the time to learn from it. And so, those four criteria – pursuit of a goal, new territory, done your homework, no bigger than necessary – can apply to all sorts of realms. They can apply to a blind date. They can apply to improving that cookie recipe. They can apply to an assignment in your job.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s great. Well, now, Amy, I’d love it if you could give us some fun examples of taking this mindset and approach, and doing it with gusto. What came to mind for me was I’m thinking about Tony Hsieh’s Zappos story, is that one of the first things he had to test was, “Are folks even willing to buy shoes online?” This was back in the day. He didn’t know yet. So, he partnered with a shoe store and said, “Hey, here’s the deal. I’d put a photograph of the shoes in the store, and every time I sell one online, I’ll come here and buy it from you, and then ship it to them.” And so, that’s wildly inefficient from, like, a profit perspective.

Amy Edmondson
Right, but it’s brilliant. It’s brilliant.

Pete Mockaitis
But from learning, yes. It nails it.

Amy Edmondson
Because imagine, I mean, compare that little experiment, expensive experiment, but compare that to setting up a whole warehouse and filling it with shoes of all sizes, and then sort of waiting and hoping. I mean, since we don’t know if customers will buy them online in the first place, what if they don’t? Well, we have just spent tens of thousands of dollars filling up our little warehouse here with shoes, and it failed. That’s not so good. Whereas with him, if it had failed, then all he would’ve lost was a little bit of his time, and maybe he would’ve disappointed this nice shoe store, but no harm done, really, right? So, it’s a beautiful example.

Pete Mockaitis
Absolutely. Well, so please, give us some more. As we’re thinking about professionals who want to have more intelligent failures more often, any cool tales that illustrate how this could be done well in practice?

Amy Edmondson
One of the intelligent failures, and it’s not professional, it’s personal, that I love, intelligent failure stories, is my high school friend, Laura, who in her 40s, decided she wanted to learn how to play ice hockey, which is kind of crazy if you think about it, but, anyway.

Well, she lived in New Hampshire, so she thought it was really one of the things that people around her did all the time, and so it seemed like a good social activity and so on. And I think, it almost goes without saying, that her first forays onto the ice were failures, and it was intelligent because, again, she had a goal to join this league, to have some fun. She had done as much as you can do. She’d skated as a child, but in figure skates, not hockey skates. She knew enough to know that she sort of liked sliding around on the ice, and she didn’t try to join the Bruins or anything. She joins this sort of local women’s league.

And certainly, those first few weeks would not have made her a very valuable team member but she got better and really fell in love with the sport, and it remained an important part of her life now. So, that’s where someone is willing to take the risk of doing something new that might not go well. It’s not new territory for the world, but it was certainly new territory for her in her life.

I suppose in business, you bring up Tony and Zappos, but earlier than that, Amazon, obviously buying books online is not as challenging as selling shoes online, but really, “Would enough people go? Could you make it? Could you make a company work out of that?” And, of course, we later understand that Jeff Bezos had much bigger dreams in mind, but he didn’t start with, “Okay, I’m going to become the retailer of everything,” and assume that’s going to work.

He started with, “Well, let’s see if we can sort of create a little bookstore online, and drum up some enthusiastic customers, and then let’s see if we can extend some of those customers into buying other things. And then let’s see if other customers, who maybe don’t buy books that often, will come and buy other things because our operations are now so good.” So, that would be another story of one risk at a time.

Pete Mockaitis
Beautiful. And then let’s talk about this emotional piece. When we hit a failure, we can think, “I’m no good at this,” and we’d have an emotional reaction that prevents us from doing the learning, doing the persisting, doing the optimal response that keeps us moving forward. Boy, in the heat of battle, Amy, how do we address this stuff?

Amy Edmondson
So, this is why I spend some time in the book talking about becoming more self-aware and really more self-reflective and able to pause our unhelpful, unhealthy thinking and redirect it. So, I described my unhealthy, unhelpful thinking in response to my research failure years ago, and I had to learn, and we all have to learn, to kind of talk ourselves away from the wildly emotional and really inaccurate response to the disappointment of failure and rethink it, and sort of reframe it.

Reframe it from “Oh, this is awful. I’m going to have to drop out of my PhD program,” to, “Oh, this is disappointing. I wonder what it might mean?” Now, that’s a shift, or it’s a major cognitive shift, but it’s not unheard of. It doesn’t seem impossible to our listeners, I imagine, that you can practice and then learn to catch yourself, and correct your exaggerated thinking, and turn it into more scientific thinking that brings cooler, more logical thoughts, that also cool the hot emotions.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Could you give us an example of that in practice?

Amy Edmondson
Well, I guess an example in practice is I’m going to go back to this really important meeting, maybe it’s a job interview, and I experienced that little complex failure and I’m really unprofessionally late. I show up late. In fact, I show up so late that they’ve moved on to the next candidate. And my sort of human being’s response might be, “This is awful. I’m not going to get the job. This is the end of my life. No one’s going to hire me, and I’m going to starve to death.” Well, no, right?

So, that’s what the psychiatrist, who I talk about in the book, Maxie Maultsby, would call awfulizing or catastrophizing something that is, indeed, not great, not a great performance, but not the end of the world. And so, once you recognize that, that little emotion taking hold, that kind of your amygdala gets hooked and, says, “This is just terrible,” you pause, and you say, “No.” You force yourself to say, “This is inconvenient.”

That’s my favorite word, right? It’s inconvenient. Because, yep, it’s inconvenient, and it’s not the end of the world. And either it’s, “I’ll make amends, I’ll make an apology, maybe get a second chance,” or, “I will definitely not do this again for my next interview.” You figure out. It’s a shift from a backwards-facing, highly emotional, “This is terrible,” to a forward-facing, “Okay, that wasn’t ideal. What will I do differently next time?”

And this is how we continuously cool our emotions down, but we also force ourselves to keep learning, keep getting more thoughtful, keep getting more disciplined and wiser, and, ultimately, more creative as well, because we’re more willing to take risks because we know that the downside of the risks won’t be catastrophic.

Pete Mockaitis
That’s good. That’s good. And if we’re having trouble even beginning to think clearly and rationally and calmly about the matter, any other pro tips? Is it sleep? Is it walking? Is it cold water? Is it any of that?

Amy Edmondson
Oh, yeah, all of the above, depending on what you like. So, I would say you start with the proverbial and the real deep breath. That deep breath will interrupt the automaticity of the thinking. But, for me, certainly one of the things that I habitually have relied upon is go for a run. If I’m really stuck on something, and I just change the scenery, literally by put some running clothes on and go for a run, it completely changes how I’m thinking. It seems to put things more in perspective, and so exercise, that’s one, but anything that interrupts.

You could have a checklist of questions to ask yourself. It could be along the lines of, “Okay, what truly are the consequences of this? And what did I learn? And why is this now something that I’m able to put to use going forward?”

Pete Mockaitis
Lovely. Well, Amy, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we shift gears and hear about some of your favorite things?

Amy Edmondson
So we’ve just been talking about sort of self-awareness, self-reflection, self-discipline. Another key domain is context awareness. Be more mindful and thoughtful when you’re in a dangerous context. I know that’s obvious, but it’s truly violated all the time. People don’t put their safety equipment on when they should have, or they text and drive.

So, develop a habit of thinking quickly and clearly about the context, “What are the stakes here? What are the risks? Financial? Reputational? Safety? And what’s the uncertainty?” And act accordingly. Have lots of fun experimenting when the stakes are low. Be very, very thoughtful and vigilant when the stakes are high.

Pete Mockaitis
Alrighty. Now, could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Amy Edmondson
One of my very favorite quotes is Viktor Frankl, which is, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our opportunity to choose. And in that choice lies our freedom.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite study, or experiment, a bit of research?

Amy Edmondson
I think my favorite bit of research is in the research on the fundamental attribution error by Lee Ross at Stanford, where they show in some sort of laboratory experiments that we are relentlessly willing to attribute others’ shortcomings to their own personality defects or character defects. But our own, we will very quickly and naturally see the situational forces at work. So, once we know that we’re likely to do that, once we truly internalize the idea that we will spontaneously do that, then we can step onto the road of becoming a better person, and giving others the same benefit of the doubt we often give ourselves.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite book?

Amy Edmondson
I have many long-standing favorite books, but I’m in the middle of one that right now is becoming a favorite book, which is The Road to Character by David Brooks.

Pete Mockaitis
And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they retweet it, they Kindle book highlight it, an Amy Edmondson bit of wisdom?

Amy Edmondson
Choose learning over knowing, and it’s an active choice. We have to choose it because our habitual cognitive response is to feel like we know, feel like we see reality. We have to get curious. We have to choose learning over knowing.

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Amy Edmondson
I guess AmyCEdmondson.com.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Amy Edmondson
Yes, take more risks.

Pete Mockaitis
Okay. Amy, thank you. This has been lots of fun once again. And I wish you many delightful failures.

Amy Edmondson
Thank you. And you, too.

971: Mastering The Three Keys to Getting Noticed with Jay Baer

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Jay Baer discusses how professionals can use the principles of excellent customer experience to stand out above the rest.

You’ll Learn

  1. Why it pays to reply super fast
  2. The best way to recover from a mistake
  3. Why competency won’t get you noticed—and what does 

About Jay

Jay Baer is a 7th-generation entrepreneur, New York Times best-selling author of seven books, and founder of six multi-million dollar companies. In 2023, he was named a Top 30 Global Guru in both Customer Experience and in Marketing. Jay has advised more than 700 brands in his career, including Nike, Oracle, Hilton, The United Nations and 40 of the FORTUNE 500.

He is an inductee into the professional speaking and word of mouth marketing halls of fame. Jay has authored or co-authored among the best-selling business books of all-time in the categories of digital marketing, customer service, customer experience, and business growth. He has been named to more than 50 top global business influencer lists. Jay’s books are known for deep, first-party research combined with unique, compelling case studies, and a heavy sprinkling of humor. 

Resources Mentioned

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Jay Baer Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis

Jay, welcome.

Jay Baer

Pete, thanks so much for having me. I appreciate it. Looking forward to it.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, I’ve been looking forward to it, too. You are so fun, and you have so much good stuff. I have to pick and choose within the ocean of your wisdom where to dive in.

Jay Baer

Well, I don’t know about that.

Pete Mockaitis

And I’m going to go with two books, actually, Talk Triggers and Hug Your Haters. I kind of see them as two sides of a similar coin. You might conceptualize them differently. But just to orient us, for starters, what’s the big idea behind these two books?

Jay Baer

So, the big idea for Hug Your Haters is that people who are unhappy about you or your business are not your problem, ignoring them is, and that you can win the day by being disproportionately kind even to, and perhaps especially to, those who are unhappy. So that book is really about retaining your relationships, retaining customers.

Talk Triggers is almost the opposite. Talk Triggers is a book about differentiation and word-of-mouth. The concept is that word-of-mouth is and will always be the greatest way to grow any business, to accomplish anything. It’s also the most cost-effective, but individuals and organizations are often loath to do anything that stands out because they think it’s risky, or they just don’t have a framework for how to do it. So that book provides the framework. A talk trigger is defined as an operational choice that you make so that conversations are created.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s so cool. Yeah. And so, in terms of we’ve got great wisdom to be gleaned from haters, as well as for raving fans.

Jay Baer

Yeah, absolutely.

Pete Mockaitis

Or, soon to be raving fans, with a little tweak. And I’d love to hear your take, if we’re talking to professionals who, and some are maybe not customer-facing, client-facing, marketing-driven, how do you think some of these principles apply to these sorts of folks?

Jay Baer

I think universally, because it doesn’t matter whether your job is customer-facing, you are still customer-adjacent. This happens all the time. I was talking to a CEO the other day of a Fortune 100 company, you know, it’s many tens of billions of dollars a company, and she was saying that one of the things they struggle with is their actual customer service department, if you will, is fine. Like, they’re good and they’ve got good policies, and they got good software, it’s all good. But she was like, all the time, customers are contacting people who are not “customer-facing.”

They’re a manager, they’re an executive. All you gotta do is look on LinkedIn and be like, “Hey, check it out. Here’s where Pete works. Let’s just send that person a message.” So, you don’t get to decide whether customers can think of you as customer-facing or not. And the reality is if you carry the business card and you’re associated with a logo, you are customer-facing.

Now, whether you’re talking to 100 customers a day might be a different story, but I think the right way to think about it is everybody is customer-facing at some point. Consequently, wouldn’t you want to be really good at that? Like, wouldn’t you want to be really great at working with customers when they’re unhappy, and also be great at explaining to customers why you are the only solution for them?

Pete Mockaitis

Absolutely. And I also think about “internal customers” in terms of another person inside our organization relies on me, or our team for these reports, or this information, or this key enabling stuff, and so, yeah, you’re going to have some folks who are doing some talking about you and your team and maybe some hating about you and your team.

Jay Baer

Absolutely. And I’ll tell you, I ran a correlation study a long time ago on the relationship between sort of employee culture and customer experience. So, we looked at companies that were awarded Best Places to Work designations versus Net Promoter Score, which is a measure of customer satisfaction, and the correlation is almost the same.

So, what that means is that it is essentially impossible to be great at outwardly-facing customer experience unless you are first great at inwardly-facing employee experience. So, you’re exactly right, Pete, like you’re going to have workplace conflict, and how you handle that can really separate you from other professionals in your organization.

And also, some of the people who go on to the greatest successes inside organizations are those where there is a consistent story told about them. And so, there’s like sort of an earned wisdom about, “You know, when you work with Pete, what’s great about working with Pete is X, right?” And that same kind of value statement gets attached to you throughout your entire career, and that can be a huge, huge advantage as you’re looking to advance in that organization or even move along to a different. organization.

Pete Mockaitis

Boy, that’s so powerful, that notion that the customer satisfaction and employee satisfaction are almost the same with regard to correlation. And, in some ways, this kind of makes sense, like, to the extent to which you are a jerk who doesn’t care about people, customers, your colleagues, or a sweetie who cares a lot is, like, I could see like that’s one dimension there, but there’s also some particular practices associated with things that make for excellence on both these dimensions.

So can you lay it on us, you say that there are three things that customers or clients really, really, truly care about. What are those things and how do we deliver them well?

Jay Baer

Well, I know three things are the same that your colleagues care about, too. So, we can set the customers aside for now because these three elements of sort of your behavior and your interactions are important to everybody, disproportionate to everybody. So, what you’ve got to focus on in your career is being quick, clear, and kind.

If you can be quick, clear, and kind, and really be demonstrably better at those three things than other people, you are going to be on a rocket ship ride to success in your career, because, yes, there’s a lot of dimensions of success, there’s a lot of dimensions about being a good teammate, and a good colleague, and a good company, and a good friend, and all those, but if you can consistently overdeliver on responsiveness, on clarity, and on empathy, the world is your oyster.

Pete Mockaitis

Now, Jay, there are so many directions I could go with this, but first, let’s hear. I know you are a marketing genius, if I may, I’m just going to bestow that upon you.

Jay Baer

Thanks.

Pete Mockaitis

I’ve admired your work for a while, and you do a lot of research. Could you share with us, when it comes to quick, like there are eye-popping numbers associated with, say, if you have an inbound lead land in your lap, if you respond to them within minutes or hours, it’s like a crazy huge difference? Can you share some of those figures with us?

Jay Baer

Yeah, and we did a lot of research for my most recent book, which is called The Time to Win, and most people, and certainly most organizations, feel like they are fast enough. Like, “I’m getting to it as fast as I can, man.” But what they fail to realize is that people’s expectations for what constitutes fast has changed dramatically in a three-year period. So, yes, you used to be fast enough, sufficiently fast, but you’re no longer sufficiently fast.

Two-thirds of customers say that speed is as important as price. And to your point, Pete, about something landing in your inbox, check this out. Fifty-one percent, more than half, of all customers will hire whomever contacts them first regardless of price. So, if you’re shopping for a car, a sofa, a hamburger, a mate, a job, I did a podcast last week for the manufacturing sector, and one of the things we talked about was they struggled to hire and retain talent.

I’m like, well, one of the reasons that’s so is they put out a job description, and they get some resumes, and then they don’t get back to anybody until they have a sufficient stack of resumes and begin to analyze them. Meanwhile, that person hasn’t heard from me for three weeks and took another job.

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah, that happens. It’s true.

Jay Baer

It’s just about response time and cycles. They’re not nefarious. It’s not like they don’t care about those candidates. It’s just that they haven’t tuned their processes to understand that even though we’ve been saying the words “Time is money” for probably 100 years, it was never true. But it is true now. The relationship between responsiveness and revenue is inescapable now. And you either are good at that, or you are literally losing money, friends, colleagues, every day.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s powerful, and it’s true. I’m thinking, I recently acquired a company, my first one, which is pretty exciting.

Jay Baer

Congrats.

Pete Mockaitis

Ooh, I feel like a deal-maker, a titan of industry.

Jay Baer

Doing some of that M&A, baby.

Pete Mockaitis

And so, I was like, “Oh, man, I’ve never done this before. I should probably have a lawyer and accountant who really know what they’re doing. That’s probably important,” So, I thought, “All right. So, it’s very important for me to select an excellent accountant and lawyer.” And what did I do? I totally went with the first person who got back to me, and said, “Yeah, I can do that.”

Jay Baer

Yeah, and it’s because we interpret speed as caring. We interpret responsiveness as respect. It doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s just how we internalize it. So, if you hear back from a potential attorney in four hours, you feel one way about that individual or that organization. If you hear back from them in two days, you feel a different way entirely, and that matters. It has nothing to do with their competency as attorneys.

But you’re like, “Well, this is going to be a better relationship because they got back to me right away, therefore, they must want my business. They want to work with Pete. They want to be part of this project.” Now, does that mean it’s actually going to be better? No, but we can’t help it. It’s psychology. It’s our need to belong. And when you get back to somebody faster, what you’re actually saying is, “We belong together.”

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good. Well, so now let’s zoom into the interior of an organization. Folks like to have their emails and their Slack messages responded to quickly. And you know, hey, we had Cal Newport and other folks on the show, talking about deep work and the importance of focus, and so in many ways the advice, current, more so often in many of these interviews is, “Hey, you know, don’t non-stop be responding to your emails and Slacks, but rather really take some time to have that focus, deep work, high-value, strategic initiatives. Do that, good professional, as a differentiator for your value.” And so, yeah. But at the same time, people love quickness, Jay. How do we navigate this tension?

Jay Baer

Yeah, I don’t believe in deep work during the day. I feel like what you’re doing is telling everybody else that your time is more important than theirs, and I feel like, eventually, that’s going to be a detriment to you and your career. I do deep work outside office hours. I do deep work at night and I do deep work on weekends. Does that hurt my work-life balance? Damn right, but I answer everything instantaneously and have for 30 years, and it has certainly served me well.

And I’ll do deep work later, and I will be as responsive as possible from 8:00 to 5:00, and that’s just the way I’ve always done it. And I think, largely, the research on human behavior bears that out as a very successful system, but I do understand how it can be a problem for people who are like, “Look, I’m not going to do two hours’ time on task from 5:00 to 7:00 o’clock at night.” I get it. I understand. That’s a choice you’re making.

Pete Mockaitis

Understood. So, at the same time, though, there are occasions where, hey, you’re doing a podcast interview here and now. I mean, you’re not emailing or Slacking in this moment but I’m imagining…

Jay Baer

You think that I’m not, but I’ve actually checked email twice since we started talking.

Pete Mockaitis

Is that really true? I had no idea.

Jay Baer

That’s 100% true.

Pete Mockaitis

You’re very slick. You’re very slick. Although, you didn’t respond though, right?

Jay Baer

I turned off my microphone and I typed an email a minute ago when you looked away.

Pete Mockaitis

I can’t tell if you’re joking or you’re not.

Jay Baer

I’m not joking. Why would I lie about it?

Pete Mockaitis

That’s impressive.

Jay Baer

I’m not joking.

Pete Mockaitis

That is impressive. Okay. Well, no, it’s fun to get multiple perspectives and varieties of counterpoints here. Because, yes, you have achieved towering success in your fields, which are pretty darn competitive, if I may add, you know, speaking and marketing and book writing, and you’re crushing it.

Jay Baer

Well, I mean, look at it this way. If somebody sends me an email, and says, “Hey, I’d like to maybe think about having you come do a keynote speech for our organization,” to me, the best way to do that is to build a life and a team and a system where we can respond to that within two minutes because I don’t want them to ever send anybody else a second email.

You never want them to say, “Well, we didn’t hear back, therefore…” and you don’t know how long their fuse is. When do they say, “I haven’t heard back from Jay”? Is it an hour? Is it four hours? Is it a day? Is it two days? I don’t know. I do know a little bit because I’ve done the research on it. But our SLA in our organization is we respond to everybody within 59 minutes, unless there’s like some weird extenuating circumstances, like that’s the deal, right? And, usually, it’s more like two minutes.

And, obviously, we’ve got to sort of build our work style around that, and I am better than most at being able to record a podcast and type an email with one hand, but you train yourself to be able to do that over time.

Pete Mockaitis

And it sounds like you also have teams and systems and processes enabling that.

Jay Baer

Yeah, of course.

Pete Mockaitis

It’s not all Jay email all the time.

Jay Baer

No, and I’d have to tell you, all of this is going to get so much easier because, in the near future, i.e. today, you’re going to be able to just say to Microsoft Copilot, Google Genesis, Meta, whatever AI suite you’re going to use, you just say, “Hey, send a three-paragraph email to Pete asking about what time the podcast taping is going to be and what he prefers in terms of promotional graphics.” That’s it. The email will be created and sent.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. So, quickness, it sounds like the takeaway is do it. Any other nuances to that?

Jay Baer

Hey, I’m not saying it’s good. I just want to point this out. I don’t love it either, man. I don’t love having to write proposals from 7:00 o’clock to 9:00 o’clock at night or whatever the circumstances are. I don’t love it. I’m not saying this is a net positive, either for me or for society. I am saying it will make you a better professional, and it will help your career, and it is the trend that we’re all going on.

I don’t think anybody, Cal Newport, nobody else is going to say, “Hey, you know, I’ve been looking at the trends and it sounds like we’re going to start doing things more slowly.” Like, I don’t think that’s going to happen. So, you either lean into the skid or you end up in the ditch.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. So, quickness, takeaway, do it. Let’s talk about being clear.

Jay Baer

Yeah. Well, look, people hate to wait. We just talked about that. The thing they hate the second most is to be under-informed. This is also something that has been changed over the last few years because, until then, we were under-informed all the time and we were okay with it. We didn’t have any choice. So, the other night, my wife and I were watching TV, and Cher comes on, and so I say to my wife, “Hey, how old is Cher?” She’s like, “I don’t know.” So, we’re like, “Siri, how old is Cher?” Cher is 78 years old, as it turns out, which is kind of impressive. A-plus plastic surgeon for Cher, for sure. A-plus, like incredible.

But then I thought, “Okay, what would it have taken, pre-internet, to figure out how old Cher was?” And I was like, “Okay, you’d have to get in a car, drive to a library, meet with a reference librarian who would maybe have a book on actors and their birthdays or something, and then you’d look it up, and then you’re like, ‘Oh, Cher was born in whatever.’” And so, it would take, I don’t know, a couple hours to decide how old Cher was. And, of course, nobody would do that, no employed person would do that.

So, we used to say, Pete, you might remember this, back in the day, we used to say, “I don’t know,” and people were totally okay with that. That was literally an acceptable answer to almost any query. You could just say, “I don’t know,” and that was fine. We just went about our business. But now you can’t say that because you can know, you can figure it out. So, we’re now in this era where when people are under-informed, where there’s an information asymmetry, where you know more than they do, it creates a ton of anxiety.

So, one of the best things you can do is to literally over-inform your colleagues about what’s going on, what’s going to happen next. Like, be the person who always knows exactly what the next step is, and is always telling other people what’s going on. Because this sort of black box, like, “We gave a thing to Pete. And I guess he’s working on it, but we haven’t heard a status report.” Like, all of that creates a lot of anxiety and really hurts you as a professional.

Pete Mockaitis

It really does, and I’ve been on the receiving end and probably delivering end – sorry, everybody – of that. And so, can you maybe give us an example of what is a disappointment, yet all-too-common demonstration of clear, like, “Not clear enough but you see it all the time,” versus what is exemplary clarity that we’d love to receive?

Jay Baer

I’ll give you an example of exemplary clarity because it really surprised me, and it sort of turned a negative into a positive for me. So, as you may know, my side job is I’m the number two tequila influencer in the world, and I was combining jobs, and I was drinking tequila while shopping online recently, and I don’t recommend that for this reason.

I bought a pair of leather sneakers, and they were super cool, very happy with them. And then I immediately got the confirmation email that said, “Okay, we’re going to make your sneakers. Expect them in eight weeks.” That was a surprise because I thought that the sneakers were ready to be shipped that day. I didn’t know it was a “make a sneaker” thing. I thought it was like, “We have these and we’ll send them to you.” And I was like, “Oh.”

So, then I thought about canceling the order, but I was like, “No, I really do like these shoes. Like, I can wait a couple months. I’ll survive.” But then, every single Wednesday, Pete, for eight weeks in a row, I got an email from my account manager at the sneaker company, saying, “Hey, this week, your shoes are going to the tannery. And this is Manuel. He’s our tannery guy, and he’s been doing this for 20 years. And here’s a video of Manuel doing his job. And then, next week, it’s going to go to the stitching people, and that’s going to be Sheila. Here’s Sheila’s workspace. Here’s what she’s all about.”

So, literally, it was like a week-by-week documentary film of how these sneakers were going to be made. So, the entire time, there was never any question as to, “What are they doing for two months?” Like, I knew exactly what was happening every week, and I could kind of follow along. It was an amazing, amazing experience. And I think we can take that same idea into our own workspace. And every time we’re working on a project, every time we’re collaborating with colleagues, just make sure that, wherever possible, you are over-communicating.

And I’ve done a lot of research on this, Pete. Here’s the way I like to frame it up. If it feels to you like you’re over-communicating, you’re probably communicating just the right amount. Because the truth is, it doesn’t matter whether they’re email, Slack, voicemails, puppet shows, Haiku, it doesn’t matter, whatever you’re creating for your colleagues, they’re not reading all of it. And if they are, they’re not letting it all sink in. Like, they’re skimming it like the rest of us do. So sometimes the best way to separate yourself apart is to just be the one that communicates more.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s really cool. And it sounds like the nature of communications is specifically in the domain of the status of stuff and what’s going on right now. Because sometimes people can feel a little bit of an information overload in terms of, like, you’re doing a report, or, “Hey, our recommended course of action is this. And it’s because if you look at the database, dah, dah, dah.” It’s like people often don’t want all that.

Jay Baer

Exactly.

Pete Mockaitis

But they do want to hear, “Hey, what is going on? What’s the deal with this thing?” And that reminds me of a story. One time, I made a boo-boo and I had a client…

Jay Baer

Hopefully, it wasn’t the buying the company part.

Pete Mockaitis

No, no, that’s been working out great. And I made a boo-boo and so I had a client who was rather upset. I put him in a pickle. And so, I told him, “Okay, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reach out to everybody, and I’m going to have a helper also record the status of what’s unfolding with each of those people in this live Google Sheet, so you can see at any moment where do things sit with all of these people, and then I’ll be reachable via…” I was on a camping trip. “I’ll be reachable via satellite phone for dah, dah, dah.”

And they said, “Okay.” And then it was all said and done, they said, “You know, actually, everyone was really pleased with how you handled that.” I was like, “Oh, cool.” So, I was effectively able to get myself out of a tight spot because I was doing that. It’s like, “You could not have more information than this. The status of all of these people and the minute it changes at your fingertips, anytime you like.”

And I also love it when I’m coordinating a big project. I got a lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, to say, “Oh, okay, this is exactly where that is,” so that I could see, “Oh, shoot, we’re getting hung up here. I better get some more help there, pronto.”

Jay Baer

Absolutely. I’ll give you another little life tip for this notion of clarity. This really helps. I’ve been doing this about two and a half years now in my personal life, and not only has it made me a better business professional, but it’s improved relationships with my wife, and my kids, and my friends, and my mailman. Like, I really want everybody to do this because I’m telling you it’s going to work. It’s called reply without answers. So, here’s how it works.

Today, if somebody has a question for you, a work colleague, you don’t know the answer, what do you do? You go look it up. You ask Julie in accounting, you check with the boss, you check with the customer, you Google it, you look in the intranet, like whatever, you do the stuff. And then once you have manifested the answer, you tell the person what they need to know. Yep. Stop doing that. Don’t do that anymore. Because the entire time that you are figuring it out, that person is slowly freaking out.

Pete Mockaitis

All right.

Jay Baer

So, if I send you an email today, so this actually applies to both clarity and speed, if I send you an email today and I don’t hear back for like, I don’t know, two days from Pete, I’m like, “Oh, wow, I didn’t hear back from Pete. Did that go to spam? Did I attach something that would have sent it to spam?”

Pete Mockaitis

“Did I offend him? Is he mad at me?”

Jay Baer

“Did I offend him?” Yeah, “Is he mad at me? Should I now send a call, or a text, or a ping, or does that make me seem sad and desperate?” We play all these mental games, and our own anxiety goes up and up and up. So, what you want to do instead is, if somebody needs something from you, you’re like, “Good question. Such a good question. I have to go figure it out. I’m going to do that, and then I’ll let you know.”

So, the first response is instantaneous, and all you’re saying is, “I got it,” and then you give them what they need. Two huge things occur. First, their perception of how fast you are goes up dramatically, but, second, their anxiety goes way down. Because we studied this exclusively in the research I did for the most recent book, time to response is more important than time to resolution.

This is why, Pete, if you call the phone company, the cable company, whatever, they will say two things. First, they say, “Calls will be answered in the order that they were received,” which always makes me laugh because I think, “What was the second option?” “Calls will be answered by height.” Like, “What did they discard as the backup option?” I’d be like, “Why do you have to tell us that?” I love that.

And then the second thing is, okay, “Estimated hold time like 11 minutes.” So estimated hold time 11 minutes is the automated version of respond without answers. As soon as you say “I got it,” it takes it off of their mental to-do list and puts it on your mental to-do list, and that changes their relationship dramatically, and creates so much clarity around what’s going to happen next.

And here’s the secret tip, Pete. It actually buys you more time to respond. Because once they’re like, “Oh, Pete’s working on it,” then they’re not losing their mind. They know you’re on it. So, does this mean you’ve got to reply to everybody twice? It does. But the first one, you’re just like, “I got it,” right? And then you go figure it out, and then you respond. Do this. Implement it in your life. I’m telling you it’s going to change your relationships.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. Now, let’s hear about being kind.

Jay Baer

Look, I wouldn’t have even talked about this a few years ago, this idea of empathy and kindness, because there is no point to it. So, I’m a seventh-generation entrepreneur. My son’s an eighth-generation entrepreneur. My family’s been self-employed since like the 1850s, and the number of conversations I had with my dad or my grandfather about treating people with kindness, respect, dignity, and empathy, literally, never in my whole life beat, not once ever, because it was just the default setting.

Like, that’s just, you know, like it wasn’t that long ago. It’s hard to remember now because we’re in an era of empathy deficit, but it wasn’t that long ago that we treated everybody with respect and dignity and kindness and humanity all the time. It was the golden rule era, like it wasn’t that long ago. But somewhere along the way we kind of lost our way, and now you know everybody’s always kind of angry and at loggerheads, and the sort of level of discourse has dropped dramatically, and it kind of makes me sad, actually, as a person.

But I’m telling you, as a professional, if you can be the hyper-polite, hyper-courteous, hyper-understanding, hyper-kind one, man, it stands out now like it didn’t used to because it is such the exception in the workforce. Be that person. And I want to make sure we define what empathy means here, Pete. It doesn’t mean that you do whatever. It doesn’t mean that the other person’s right and you’re wrong.

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. What it means is that you’re the person inside your organization who can walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes and behave accordingly. You understand how this colleague is feeling and you change your own behavior accordingly. In an era that’s going to be defined by robots, the most empathetic professional is going to have a massive advantage over everybody else in the organization.

Pete Mockaitis

Jay, I’d love it if you could give us again a demonstration, illustration of what is typical insufficient empathy and the counter example of “And this is what would really be optimal”?

Jay Baer

Well, I think sometimes, when people believe they’re being empathetic, they’re actually being obsequious. They’re being fawning, or just, everybody’s been in that situation where somebody is so supportive that it feels saccharine and artificial, and that’s not what I mean. An empathetic leader is somebody who treats everybody on their team differently, not the same.

And there’s this business wisdom that says, “Treat everybody the same. Be a very consistent manager.” That’s terrible advice because everybody on your team has different needs, different circumstances, different scenarios. They’re motivated by different things. If you’ve got 10 people working for you, you should have 10 different management styles, and you should be adopting your management style to what that person needs at that time. That’s what empathy means.

People think that being an empathetic leader means having good work-life balance and taking people to the happy hour, whatever. No, no, no, no, no. It’s about looking at every situation and every circumstance and using your own innate humanity to make the best possible decisions for that person at that time.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. So those are the principles we’re working with. And so, I’d love it if there’s an example that comes to mind for you in terms of, “Wow, that was super empathetic and I loved it,” versus, “But, usually, I get something much lamer.”

Jay Baer

Well, my favorite example, and it has, fortunately, not happened to me personally, but I think people, some folks will know the tale, is Chewy.com. Do you know this story, the Chewy.com pet supply company?

Pete Mockaitis

The pet food website.

Jay Baer

Yeah. So very successful business, growing like crazy, and, look, it’s a good company. They’ve got good products at a good price, but they don’t have a different mousetrap. They’re selling pet supplies. But they are rooted in empathy. Rooted in empathy. It’s like a core value of the organization. So much so that if you, unfortunately, lose a pet, the pet passes away, in some cases, you might send a live chat or an email to Chewy, and say, “Hey, I’ve got an unopened bag of dog food. I’ve got this rawhide bone I never got a chance to give the dog. Can I return it to you?” And they always respond and say, “No, no. Please just donate it to a local pet shelter.”

But then they will find a picture of your pet in social media, they have a staff of 1,011 freelance oil painters working for the company. They will paint an oil painting of your deceased pet. They will FedEx it to you for delivery the next morning with a handwritten condolences note, and you open this box, “Where did this come from? Chewy.” And it’s from the day before, an oil painting of the pet you just lost with a handwritten note, “So sorry for your loss. Thank you for your business. Chewy.”

And there’s a video on TikTok or Instagram, etc., there’s just video after video after video of people bawling their eyes out because the simple kindness and the empathy and humanity that that brings with it. And the question I always have is, “In a situation like that, if you choose to get another pet someday, what are the chances you spend even a penny with any other provider of pet supplies ever in your life?”

Like, minus 50%, I think, is the actual answer. So, it is such a smart business decision and it’s proven to be true in their results. You can use empathy as a unique competitive advantage, both at the company level and certainly at the individual level.

Pete Mockaitis

That is powerful. And it’s intriguing because, okay, pet owners love their pets, and when pets die, it’s very sad. And that’s sort of like emotionally just true and simple and clear. I’m thinking about, and of other businesses that feel far less personal, like podcast production. It’s “How might that be utilized?”

Jay Baer

And some of this is even just something simple. Like, you don’t need to get an oil painting of the podcast host, although, hey, you know, we will take one. A lot of times, what triggers empathy, or lack thereof, is just the language that we use. In many cases, I talk about this a lot in the Hug Your Haters book, especially when somebody needs something from you, or, even more especially, if somehow you have been deficient, you’ve been slow, you’ve been inaccurate, something has gone less than ideal.

What happens in many cases, and it’s not nefarious, it’s just a natural human reaction, we will try to information ourselves out of the jam. So, we’ll start to say, “Well, here’s exactly what happened,” and you start to prosecute the case, and a lot of times we fall back on very specific details and jargon, and it becomes a very stiff, formal response. And I’ve certainly done that, and people have done it to me, especially in a colleague setting where you’re, like, you feel attacked, and so the way you prevent that attack is to put up a shield.

And that shield is very stiff, formal language that uses a lot of sorts of terse and mellifluous phrasing, and so you’re trying to information yourself out of it. The better way to go is to just lean into the empathy first, and just say, “I’m sorry that sucks.” Like, “We’ll make it better.” And so, it really is, sometimes in a colleague setting, it comes down, Pete, to just the words and the language you use when things are going less than ideal.

And the more empathetic professionals, actually, there’s almost a reverse correlation, so the stickier the situation, the more casual and personal their language. Whereas, what most people do is the stickier the situation, the more stilted and formal their language.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good. That’s really good. In terms of the psychology emotions at work, it’s like you feel attacked and so you’re naturally like, “Well, let me explain why. In fact, I’m not bad. There’s a reason that this thing occurred that you don’t like.” And so, to really just be able to take a breath and shift out of yourself for that moment to do this.

Jay Baer

Yeah, I used to do this exercise in workshops, like the 13 words you should never use in that situation. And it’s things like division, department, per, “Per my last email.” If you’re dropping the “per,” then you know you’re falling into that sort of formal defensive language trap. Like, “heretofore,” that’s a good one. Like, all of these kinds of words that you never use unless you’re in, like, sort of this passive-aggressive kind of conflict thing.

And you see it all the time in tools like Slack. It does tend to drive very short, choppy interactions, which sometimes don’t have as much nuance as might be ideal in that kind of situation.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s powerful. Well, before we hear about some of your favorite things, can you give us any other quick do’s and don’ts for having folks rave about us word-of-mouth style?

Jay Baer

The biggest opportunity for word of mouth is to understand that competency doesn’t create conversations. Being good, even very good, at whatever doesn’t cause people to tell others about it because that’s what the expectation. They expect you to be good or very good. So, we talk about different and we ignore same.

So, if you want people to talk about you and tell your story, either in the workplace or outside the workplace, you need to do something different, and you need to do it different consistently. This is why, and this is a poor example, but it’s one that people will be able to recognize, this is why some professionals are like, “Look, Jillian always has the purple hair.” Now you may or may not like the purple hair on Jillian, but as a word-of-mouth device, it’s actually a sound strategy.

It doesn’t have to be your appearance, it doesn’t have to be your clothes, but even in your own set of colleagues. If there’s somebody who always wears whatever it is. I, not in this particular venue, but when I’m on stage, I always have a very bright plaid suit. It is my thing. Like, everybody knows it’s my thing. I’ve got 20 plaid suits. Meeting planners can pick out which color suit I wear on stage, I’ve got a whole, like, mobile app that they can do it with. Like, it’s my thing.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s distinction.

Jay Baer

Right. So, you just have to figure out what is your thing that you are going to do every day always that’s going to be just the device, the hook that people use to remember you, and it can be almost anything. And this starts to kind of meld over into the category of personal branding. So, what I always tell people is, “Look, your job is not interesting. It doesn’t matter.

Unless you’re like an astronaut or something, what you do for a living, nobody’s going to remember that. It’s your passions and your hobbies that people remember,” which is one of the reasons why in my bio, in my onstage introduction it says “Jay dah, dah, dah seven bestselling books, and also the world’s number two tequila influencer,” because everybody in the audience remembers that more so than, ‘Yeah, the guy wrote a book. Every speaker wrote a book.” But they remember tequila influencer.

And so, it’s understanding that everybody has something unique and memorable about them. It’s just giving yourself permission to put that out in front.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay, thank you. Now, could you share a favorite quote, something you find inspiring?

Jay Baer

“Remember, some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.”

Pete Mockaitis
All right. And a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Jay Baer

I think that in the most recent book, “The Time to Win,” one of the things that really surprised me was that the most patient generation of all, like willing to give each other and businesses more grace in terms of response time, Gen Z, the youngest consumers.

And I think it’s because they don’t have as many leases on their time, might not have kids of their own, job might not be as pressure-filled, etc. They’re just like,  “Yeah, it’s okay. You can get back to me.” Conversely, the least patient generation, Boomers. Is this because Boomers have less time left on the planet? Maybe. That seems a little maudlin, but the numbers add up. They’re like, “Hey, I’m retired. I have nothing else to do other than wonder how come this email is taking so long,” and they start freaking out about it. So, I thought that’s kind of funny.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. And a favorite book?

Jay Baer

My favorite author, and there’s many, many books, is Bill Bryson, the travelogue writer. Probably my favorite one is his treatise on kind of small-town America. It’s called In a Sunburned Country. I love that one.

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. And a favorite tool, something you use to be awesome at your job?

Jay Baer

Right now, I’m really enjoying a tool called ManyChat, which I use in my tequila business to gather email addresses from fans on Instagram, sort of de-anonymize that audience. We do monthly contests with tequila brands, where you can win a custom Yeti cooler or some such.

And we use this tool, ManyChat, so that people just comment “cooler,” etc., on an Instagram post, and then it automatically harvests their email address, which we then use as a contest entry. It’s just a really slick piece of technology that bolts on top of Instagram and solves a pretty sticky kind of data problem for me. It’s great.

Pete Mockaitis

Awesome. And a favorite habit?

Jay Baer

This probably won’t be a surprise based on our previous conversation, I try to be at inbox zero every day.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks; they quote it back to you and retweet it often?

Jay Baer

I’ll go back to my second book Youtility. The thesis is this: helping beats selling. And that if you really focus on being as helpful and useful as possible, you don’t have to sell because people will sell you. And that’s certainly true at the company level, but especially for purposes of this show, Pete, I think that’s great advice for everybody.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. And if folks want to learn more or get in touch, where would you point them?

Jay Baer

JayBaer.com. J-A-Y-B-A-E-R.com is the main website. You can find me for all things tequila at TequilaJayBaer.com. And the books and the podcasts and newsletter and all that’s pretty easy to find.

Pete Mockaitis

And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Jay Baer

When you’re interacting with a colleague or a customer or anybody in the workplace, I think it’s helpful to take a second in every exchange, and just ask yourself, “What do they really need?” Because often we just take the initial interaction, the initial question as that’s the depth, but there’s usually a lot more going on beneath the surface.

And if we just take a moment, just take a moment to say, “What are they really saying here? What do they really need? Not what they’ve asked for, but what do they really need?” If you can give yourself permission to just take that extra beat and think about that, and then respond and interact accordingly, it will serve you well.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. Jay, this has been so much fun. I wish you many more delightful exchanges where folks are saying your name, and everywhere.

Jay Baer

We should do this with tequila next time.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, it sounds fun.

970: The Top 12 Presentation Mistakes to Avoid with Terri Sjodin

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Terri Sjodin discusses how to avoid the common pitfalls that diminish your persuasiveness.

You’ll Learn

  1. What your audience really wants to know 
  2. Three reasons why your presentation is boring—and how to fix it 
  3. The key mistake people won’t tell you you’re making

About Terri

Terri L. Sjodin is an international leading expert on persuasive presentations. With more than 25 years of experience, she has built an impressive client list that includes Fortune 500 companies, small businesses, national sales teams, industry associations, and even members of Congress. Terri has appeared as an expert on sales presentations on the Today Show, Bloomberg News, CNN, CNBC, and Fox Business, as well as many industry podcasts.

Resources Mentioned

Thank You, Sponsors!

Terri Sjodin Interview Transcript

Pete Mockaitis

Terri, welcome.

Terri Sjodin

Thank you, Pete. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, I’m excited to be talking about being presentation ready, and you’ve been researching and teaching on persuasiveness and communications and presentations for decades. Tell us, any particularly surprising, fascinating, striking discoveries you’ve made about us humans and communication, and how we’re persuaded that really stick with you?

Terri Sjodin

Yeah, so as you know, my background is in speech and debate. I was highly competitive in high school and in college on the speech and debate teams, and so I’ve always had this awareness of the power and the impact of public speaking and persuasive presentation skills. And so, so fast-forward 20 years plus later, when we launched into this research study that did a deeper dive on the topic of persuasive messaging, we asked people, “Look, do you think that making a presentation mistake matters? Does it impact you getting a win or a deal or an opportunity?”

And 94% of our participants in the research study said yes, and that’s statistically a very high number, which I think is quite surprising. Secondarily, over 55% of the participants in the survey said that they had little to no presentation skills training over the course of their career, which means over half of the professionals in the market today are really doing the best they can with what they know through trial and error.

So, the goal behind the book and the research study was to help people build and deliver more effective presentations, whether they’re one-on-one, small group, or large group, whether they’re in-person, virtual, or hybrid, and then, what we know is that on some level, most people want to improve their presentations, but they just don’t know where to start, and that can be costly. So, in the book, and in the research, we identified the 12 most common mistakes, and help people course-correct faster so that they can get where they want to go.

Pete Mockaitis

Now, what’s really cool is your book is in the context of sales presentations, but the wisdom is applicable to all sorts of persuasive communications presentations. But what I love about sales is we’ve got numbers, we’ve got results, money dollars associated with them.

Terri Sjodin

Me, too.

Pete Mockaitis

So, can you share with us maybe a story of just what kind of a transformation is possible? If you maybe walk us through a situation where someone was doing some things wrong, they corrected it, how they did it, and then what they saw on the other end of it.

Terri Sjodin

Yeah, so I think one of my favorite stories is a confession of my own. I personally have made all 12 of the mistakes that we’ve identified in the book, and I try to take the reader or the listeners back to the beginning. As I mentioned, I kind of cut my teeth in this subject area when I was on the debate team. And what you learn early on when you go to a tournament is that it’s a pretty level playing field.

There are no matching uniforms if you compete in speech and debate. Everybody’s just given a number. And then six or seven competitors will go into a room, they deliver their presentation, and at the end of three preliminary rounds, the individual with the best overall scores prevails. They move on to semifinals and finals.

It’s pretty cut and dry, for better or for worse, you know if your talk was decent. But here’s the rub. I would stay, even if I didn’t win, and I didn’t always win, I wanted to, but I would stick around. I would go to the semifinals, I would go to the finals, and I would watch to see what was landing, what was working for that specific presenter, what made the judges or the audience lean in, and then I would go home and I would kind of tweak it and fix it and make my best guess at what I needed to do to make it better.

And the takeaway here is really very simple. You just don’t go back to the next tournament with the speech that didn’t win, but business people do it all the time. They go back out into the field over and over and over again. And I love that you made the reference to the fact that everybody sells something because I believe that to be true.

Even though we don’t always love the S-word, sales, whether you’re selling a product, a service, a philosophy, an idea, when you’re selling yourself even in a job interview or for a promotion, everybody sells something. And so, I hope that by helping people to understand what the most common mistakes are, then they can avoid them and again accomplish whatever their outcome is that they’re shooting for.

Pete Mockaitis

Terri, I love this so much. You’re bringing back fond memories for me of high school speech team. But what was interesting was I love that lesson right there in terms of learning, observing, turning everything into a source of wisdom there, because those who did not break, they did not get to the finals, they usually chose to go to the room where they were doing the original comedy finals.

They always rent the largest spaces for the original comedy, or OC, as they said in the biz, because that’s just funny, that’s entertaining. Like, “Let’s watch the funny guys since we’re stuck here until the bus leaves after the award ceremony.” And you’re saying, “No, I’m going to go see what are winners doing, and see what I can learn from them.”

Terri Sjodin

And isn’t that the takeaway for all of us? When we learn from the people who beat us out at whatever it is that we’re trying to achieve, then we can course-correct. But most people are moving so fast, Pete. They’re just, “I’m super busy. I don’t have time.” But what is it costing you if you don’t take the time to reflect and make those changes?

Pete Mockaitis

I hear you. Well, so you’ve got 12 mistakes. We’re not going to cruise through all 12, but maybe give us the overview of the three categories here.

Terri Sjodin

So, there are three main categories. The category of case development, “Did you build a persuasive and compelling case?” And then the second category is creativity, “Did you create a thought-provoking message, something that makes people lean in and go, ‘Oh, you know, I’ve heard this before, but the way you’re saying it, it’s landing in my mind in a different way’?” And then the third category is delivery. That includes your eye contact, your body language, but also everything from verbal missteps to the way that you deliver using visual aids. And in each of those three categories, there are four mistakes that live underneath each one of those main categories.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, I’d like to jump into the ones I found most intriguing.

Terri Sjodin

Okay.

Pete Mockaitis

And one of them, in terms of case development is, you say, being overly informative versus persuasive. Aren’t facts good, Terri? How is that a mistake to be overly informative? What’s the scoop here?

Terri Sjodin

So, in the overall study, there were over 5,000 participants, and this was based on individuals whose livelihood is dependent on their ability to build and deliver a persuasive message. And so, we said, “Looking back over the last six to 12 months, is there anything that you think cost you that win?” And data dumping or being overly informative really came up over and over and over again. It was in the top three. So let me kind of give you the top three and then we’ll kind of circle back to being overly informative versus persuasive.

So, the top three biggest mistakes that most people self-identified included being overly informative versus persuasive, winging it, and failing to close the sale. And you might think, “Well, do those kind of overlap?” And in a way that they do. However, being overly informative sounds like this, “We do this, and we do this, and we have this, and we’re number one, and we really care,” and it sounds like this very long laundry list, if you will, of attributes. But it doesn’t pass the “so what” test. It doesn’t feel compelling to me.

And so, you might feel very well-intended, like, “It’s my responsibility to go out and give a presentation that is incredibly informative, and then the individual will be able to make a decision.” But in today’s compelling market, what would help you and serve you better is if you can craft a clear, concise, and compelling message that answers the questions, “Why do I need this? How are you going to save me time? How are you going to save me money? How are you going to save me mental sanity?” The list goes on and on.

And so, when I’m helping someone, it’s because I’m helping them to understand, “Do you hear how you’re giving me more of a list of attributes versus compelling arguments that want to make me move towards action?” And when they have that aha moment, again, they can tweak their presentations and really focus in the brief amount of time they’re given into a place where they can go, “Oh, shoot, I can be more compelling.”

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good. As we’re talking a little bit in the context of sales presentations and demos, I’ve been on the receiving end of many, because it’s very easy for people to get email addresses of podcasters. So, it’s right in the RSS feed, and so I get a lot of them. And then a fair number of them are cool software startup-y things in the podcast world. And that is, I would say, something I do see again and again and again. It’s, like, we hear about, like, “Oh, this is the history and the founder’s story.”

Terri Sjodin

“When you really care, and we have a lot of choices.”

Pete Mockaitis

Yeah, the background of something like the technical architecture, yadda, yadda. And so, what I really want to hear is, “This thing is awesome at delivering this benefit to you,” in terms of like, “Hey, these nine podcasters quadrupled their audience size once they started rocking and rolling with our platform for a few months.” Like, “Oh, yeah. That’ll do it.” As opposed to, “Look at these cool graphics.” Like, “Okay, those graphics are cool, but I’m not seeing how this helps me accomplish the things I want to accomplish.”

Terri Sjodin

And brevity is your friend. So, again, that kind of moves us into the creativity section, but we have such a finite amount of time, and so you have to ask yourself, “How can I creatively share my most compelling talking points so that I’m creating a rock-solid case?” and pairing that with an interesting story or anecdote that makes people go, “Oh, that was good, good nugget.”

And then when you pair those with speaking in your own authentic voice and delivery, that’s when people go, “Oh, that was good. I enjoyed that. You seem authentic. I feel like you did your homework. Your arguments make sense to me.” And in that course, people feel better about making a yes decision or a moving-forward decision or, “Yes, let’s make our next appointment time decision.”

And so, in the context of your entire presentation, I mean, the intention of this podcast is to help people to get where they want to go faster. And, allegedly, if we understand and respect the fact that people buy people, then how else do we communicate our people skills, if not through our verbal communication skills?

Pete Mockaitis

That’s well said. And I liked how you conveyed, when we’ve got a compelling case delivered creatively with a strong, authentic delivery, it just feels delightful, so we’re more likely to offer a yes. And even if you don’t, I’ve had this happen before. I’m on the receiving end, and I get something that hits all those boxes, like, “You know, my takeaway is, like, this is really cool, and I like you, but it’s not for me. But I am really pretty stoked to be able to start providing referrals in terms of, like, because I feel like I’m going to look good.”

It’s like, “You got to check out this. I think you’re going to love it.” It’s like, “It doesn’t work for me, but I think it’ll work for you, and Terri’s just the best.” And so, I think it’s beautiful that, even if you don’t get the immediate yes you were seeking, when you check those boxes to deliver a delightful experience, you’re developing goodwill and an asset of a stream of good things coming to you.

Terri Sjodin

I liked your use of delightful experiences. Let’s pivot on that for a moment. I thought you might find it interesting that when we were working with our survey respondents, and we asked them, of course, “What are the most common self-confessions?” but on the opposite side, we said, “Who better to judge business and sales professionals and other business and sales professionals? So, when somebody comes in to present to you and you’re the listener, is there anything you’ve observed that cost them the winner the deal or the opportunity?”

And the number one answer was none of the three that I just mentioned that were self-identified. The number one answer that people noticed in others is that their talks were boring, boring, boring. So, don’t you think it’s interesting that most people self-identify as overly-informative, but other people are boring? And so, we call that the third person effect because, even when we’re presenting, we don’t always see ourselves in the same lens that we see others.

And so, having that dual perspective of, “How do I see myself as a presenter? But also, what do I expect when I’m in the role of the listener?” That gives us a different way of constructing our message because we’ve looked at it from both perspectives, and that can be a winning combination.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s great, and I did want to talk about boring, boring, boring. Terri, tell us, what makes something boring? And how can we be not boring?

Terri Sjodin

So, all three elements can be tied up in a boring presentation. You can have a really flat boring case where you’re like, “Oh, I’ve heard this all before. There is nothing new here. I’m bored, bored, bored, bored.” It can also come from your creativity like, “Wow, you know, you made some really great arguments, but your stories, your illustrations, your evidence, boring, boring, boring. Old, flat, too much text on the screen. It just doesn’t work in the creativity standpoint.”

And then in delivery, it could be a flat, boring, monotone voice. It could be word redundancy. It could be the fact that you just don’t seem very enthusiastic about your own content. And then, even worse, one of the new things that’s come up is, if you’re in a hybrid environment, meaning you might have two or three people that are in front of you on a presentation, but maybe you have six or seven people that are offsite and they’re participating via Zoom or Teams, and so it’s hybrid.

And oftentimes, the presenter will forget the people that are online or offsite. They forget that they’re even there. So, they’re only presenting to the people that are in person in front of them, and so it’s super boring for the people that are offsite. So boring can be impacting all three elements of building your message.

Pete Mockaitis

I hear you. There’s a lot going on there. It could be a number of culprits to get after. Is it possible, Terri, that we can zoom in on a major offender in terms of, “This is a frequent and pervasive and intense cause of boredom that needs to be rectified”?

Terri Sjodin

The easy go-tos are when somebody uses way too many PowerPoint slides in their presentation and they’re text-driven, and they’re ultimately reading you their slides. That’s just horrifying, and it happens all the time. And when we ask people, “Why do you do that?” And they’ll say, “Well, Terri, I have to get through the material.” And my question is, “What’s the point of getting through the material if nobody’s really listening to what the heck it is that you’re saying anyway?”

Or, they’ll say, “It’s not my fault. I have to read these slides because legal requires us to be compliant.” There are all kinds of lovely excuses for it, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t serve the listener. And our job, our responsibility as presenters is to always put ourselves in the seat of the listener, “Do I want to hear this? Do I think it was interesting?” all of those things.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s true, yeah. It’s funny, I recently had to read a legal disclaimer as part of a podcast ad, which doesn’t happen that often, but it was a financial service-y thing, it’s like, “Okay, this is required, so I get it.” And I think, I got a kick out of it, it even said, and you’ve probably heard this before, maybe on the radio or somewhere, in the talking points, it said, “Double speed recommended if possible.” I was like, “All right, at least you know, at least you know people don’t want to hear it.”

And I even flagged it, like, “Oh, we got a little legal disclaimer here.” And so, you’re right, I think those excuses are maybe technically true, but there is often a creative way around it, it’s like, “Oh, and we’ve got a legal disclosure. You’ll note that investment results can vary, and this is risky, and those sorts of things. Feel free to read it afterwards as well.” And there you go. You handled it in five seconds and onward to the fun stuff.

Terri Sjodin

And to your point, I know it really does come down to the individual presenter. It’s our responsibility And no one illustrates that better than the Southwest Airlines flight attendants that give you the safety announcements in their own authentic voice, or in some sort of clever and fun way, because they know that most people aren’t paying attention. But if they put a little creative spin on it, then, all of a sudden, people are like, “Oh, I wonder where they’re going to go with this.” And they can take even the most boring and mundane and make it lively and entertaining.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s good. Well, now in the zone of delivery, can you tell us what are some of the top verbal missteps people make? And how should we fix them?

Terri Sjodin

So, the surprising thing about verbal missteps was that it was an area that most people did not self-identify, but it was highly recognized in others. And the other frightening thing about that particular issue is that it is rarely something that another individual will communicate to you. So, for example, if you’re saying “um” or “like” or “you know” every other word, it will be highly irritating to the listener, but nobody will tell you.

Another issue that comes up is when somebody mispronounces a word, we just let them go. But in the back of their mind, they’re thinking, “That person has no idea how to correctly use that word,” and it undermines your credibility.

Or, if they use just too simple or basic of wording, again, that’s not something that people will tell you. If you swear in a presentation, you might think, “Oh, well, I’m just being, you know, familiar. Like, it’s cool if I swear. It’s not a big deal. They could see that I’m really down to earth.” But we found in the research that people find it off-putting, and they’re just not going to tell you.

So, all of these little things, or if you’re a close talker, and you’re just talking, it reminds, brings memories back of a Seinfeld episode where people are speaking, and you’re like, “You’re impacting my spatial relationships.” All of these things, kind of fall under that category of verbal missteps. If you’re speaking too quickly, you’re speaking too slowly, the list kind of goes on and on.

But, again, if you think about it, when was the last time somebody really spent an hour thinking about the way that they speak, the way that they articulate a word, to focus on vocabulary variance, to think about pausing instead of using a filler word, all of those graceful, beautiful elements to take your presentation to another level? You can still be in your own authentic voice. We’re just dialing it in so that your own authentic voice lands with the greatest amount of efficiency and effectiveness.

Pete Mockaitis

Oh, Terri, that’s so much fun. So, it’s perfect because, you’re right, you’re not going to learn about those without asking. And even if you ask, you still might not get it. Like, you’ll need to videotape it and have like a trusted person really review that with you in order to get it, and you won’t know. And it’s so funny the assumptions that we just make, which is, “Of course, people like the swearing.”

And maybe some people do but, I mean, it sounds like, generally, we’re better off not doing that. Maybe that didn’t need to be said but we’re, generally, better off not doing that. And maybe, I don’t know if you know, if our counterpart is swearing, are we well suited to match them, or are we still better off not swearing?

Terri Sjodin

Yeah, it’s better to not. It’s, when in doubt, leave it out. The other issue is… kind of bleeds into strange body language and gesturing where you might have your hands in your pockets, or you’re fiddling with a pen. There are all kinds of little weird, strange, and incredible things. So, the takeaway here is people say, “What can I do?” You have a couple of choices.

So, one is just do a scrimmage. If you have a big meeting coming up, you have a presentation opportunity, sit with a friend, a colleague, a spouse, somebody in your industry, and say, “Look, will you just kind of do a run-through with me, and take out your cell phone, and just hit the video button, and leave it on a stand.” And then later on, kind of talk it through, and then watch the playback so that you can see and hear yourself as the listener will. And that will give you some of the insights that you need to be able to course-correct.

Now, try not to be too hard on yourself. We all flip out when we hear our own voice. We don’t sound the same to ourselves as we do in a recorded scenario. Just to give you an example, did you feel comfortable the first time you heard your playback on your outgoing voicemail message or recording? You probably are fine because you have such a beautiful voice, Pete.

Pete Mockaitis

Well, I’m honored, but I’m not. Well, part of it is microphones. Don’t get me started because I won’t stop. But part of it is microphone quality and voicemails are horrific, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve Googled this before, Terri. But then even beyond that, it’s just sort of surprising. It’s like, “Oh, is that what I sound like?”

Terri Sjodin

Right. Or, “Oh, I didn’t like the way that I sounded.” And most people re-record their outgoing voicemail message over and over and over again until they feel like they get it right. And what does that tell us? It tells us, once we become aware of the way that we speak and present, what do we want to do? We want to perfect it. We want to improve upon it. We want to make it better, and we don’t want someone to have a negative impression of who we are, even based on our outgoing voicemail message, so much so that many people don’t even have an outgoing message on their voicemail.

But we know that when people hear your voice, when they hear you speak, that they connect with you, and so avoidance is not helping. What will help is to embrace it, lean into it, let’s fix it, let’s have fun with it, figure out how to make your own style and personality and authenticity really come to life. And remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect to work.

I’m not perfect. I’ve made all mistakes. I make mistakes all the time, but I’m consistently trying. That’s all. I’m trying to level up. I’m trying to make it better. And in the course of that, look, we’re all going to have wins and losses, and it doesn’t have to be perfect to work, but you do have to try. That’s really the takeaway.

Pete Mockaitis

Understood. I want to get your take on visual aids. You say one mistake is just way too much text and reading it, bad news. Any other top do’s and don’ts there?

Terri Sjodin

I’ll give you some do’s. One of the things that really works beautifully is if we just step away from your PowerPoint deck. So, think of all of the other beautiful ways that you can augment a presentation that don’t require a PowerPoint. Maybe you just use the actual physical item and hold it up, or maybe you use other sensory modalities: sound, sight, smell, that feeling, a texture of something. Things where you’re asking yourself, “Well, how can I allow the listener to engage in my presentation with other sensory modalities that don’t require a PowerPoint slide?”

And that, in and of itself, will set you head and shoulders above your competition. They’ll say, “Well, that was clever,” and you’re like, “Really? Because I moved away from a PowerPoint slide, and I used the real thing?” But it’s just those nuances make a difference and show people you care enough to make a unique kind of presentation rather than doing the same old, same old.

Pete Mockaitis

That’s super. And when it comes to really forming a connection with listeners, any top tips there?

Terri Sjodin

I think it starts with really genuinely caring about the outcome of that conversation. Even when you and I were having our pre-call before we jumped on the interview, I just like to take a couple of minutes and say, “Hey, what would make this a great experience for you? What would make it great for your listeners?” And you said, “Well, that’s a great question. Most people don’t ask me that.”

I think it’s just showing people that you show up caring, and that really helps to build connection from the get-go. Now, different people will lean into different aspects of your talk. Some people will lean into the evidence. They want to know that you can provide ROI, and they want to see the numbers. Other people are looking at your pathos, your heart, your storytelling. Others will want to know that you have the credibility, the street cred, the experience, that you’ve got your degree, or that you’ve got 30 years of experience.

So, there are a lot of nuances that speak to credibility or driving connection, and it really will depend on who you’re speaking to. But I think, from a nice general perspective, opening with a real clear intention to make a connection, not just for the sake of doing it to get the job done, but because you want to have a good personal experience with those people, that will come through, I think. And I don’t know that you have to try so hard. It doesn’t have to be that hard. I think we probably overcomplicate that part of the process.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. Well, Terri, tell me, anything else you want to make sure to mention before we hear about some of your favorite things?

Terri Sjodin

I appreciate the time today. And I say this to people all the time, people ask me, “Gosh, Terri, what’s the hardest product or service to sell?” And the answer is, “The one you don’t believe in.” So, I can give you the greatest tips in the world for crafting a persuasive and compelling message but the first requirement is that you sell and represent something that you believe in at your core. And then after that, try to have fun with it.

I think, on some level, everybody wants to improve their presentations, and so I hope that this book, Presentation Ready, will help you to do that just a little easier. And if you’d like, maybe books aren’t your thing, that’s okay, you can watch the course. I have a course on LinkedIn Learning, so it’s free if you’re a LinkedIn Premium member, and that also covers the 12 mistakes. But my intention is to just get people to think about the gift of using your voice to make things happen.

There’s a beautiful quote that we often think that it’s comfort and luxury that are the chief requirements for happiness in life, when all we truly need to be happy is something to be enthusiastic about. And I’m hoping that I help people get just a little bit more enthusiastic about their next presentation opportunity, because the more fun you have delivering it, the more fun the listeners have receiving it, and that’s how you create a win-win, presentation-ready opportunity.

Pete Mockaitis

Lovely. Well, now could you share with us a favorite study or experiment or bit of research?

Terri Sjodin

Well, of course, the State of Sales Presentations Research Study I did in cooperation with my alma mater, San Diego State University, and if you would like, your listeners can access all three of the reports, the pre-pandemic, mid-virtual, and then the post-pandemic study, if they go to my site at TerriSjodin.com, they can download the studies for free. There’s no cost. They can get the research study reports.

Pete Mockaitis

Lovely. And a favorite book?

Terri Sjodin

My go-to would be Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I’m an entrepreneur at heart, and so I really believe in the gift of entrepreneurial freedom and being able to contribute. I think we all have our own unique ways that we want to contribute on the planet. And so, I honor everyone’s right to use their voice, create, and to monetize that.

Pete Mockaitis

Alrighty. And a favorite habit?

Terri Sjodin

So I have this weird thing that I do. My friends tease me about it all the time. But when I have a dinner party or a lunch gathering, and everyone sits down, I say, “Okay, everyone, let’s do two-minute updates.” And I go around the table, and I ask everyone to give a two-minute update of what they’re doing personally and professionally so that everyone only has to share that nugget once with all of the people that are at the table, and then it stimulates really lovely dialogue. It gets people talking about things that are near and dear to our hearts, which is what’s going on with my friends and family.

Pete Mockaitis

And is there a key nugget you share that really seems to connect and resonate with folks that they quote back to you often?

Terri Sjodin

There are so many little isms, I suppose, that I say, but I say, “It doesn’t have to be perfect to work but you still have to try.”

Pete Mockaitis

Okay. And if folks want a little more to get in touch, where would you point them?

Terri Sjodin

If people would like to learn more about my speaking opportunities or about Presentation Ready, please visit our website at SjodinCommunications.com, or the easiest way is to just go to T-E-R-R-I, Sjodin, and that’s spelled S-J-O-D-I-N.com, and you can access all kinds of information, including the research study, information about Presentation Ready, and much, much more.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. And do you have a final challenge or call to action for folks looking to be awesome at their jobs?

Terri Sjodin

There’s a beautiful adaptation to a Shakespearean quotation, which reads, “All the world is a stage, and business and sales professionals play to the most discriminating audiences of all, their clients and prospects.” So, I encourage you to just take a little extra time to craft an engaging and persuasive message, and go make your dreams happen. That’s, really, it’s all up to you. I don’t know anybody who has a magic wand, so we have to kind of put our boots to the street, craft our messages, and go make it happen.

Pete Mockaitis

All right. Thank you, Terri. This is fun. I wish you all the best.

Terri Sjodin

Thank you, Pete, for having me. I appreciate your time.